On Punching Gods and Absentee Dads

Enigmaris

Chapter 29: A Meeting with Snape

Summary:

Snape tries to start a fight with Loki during an Order meeting, Harry intervenes.

Notes:

Hey everyone! Thanks for the brilliant comments last week and your patience as I dumped all that lore on you. This chapter is way more character driven! I hope you enjoy it!

Chapter Text

There was something to be said for Grimmauld Place.

That something wasn't very nice.

But still, it was something.

Harry scrunched his nose as he looked up at the decapitated house elf heads on the wall. Really he couldn't understand why anyone would find that attractive. It just made something in his gut squirm uncomfortably. It was such a huge sign of barbaric cruelty, of being proud of it. With his dad's training he'd become all the more sensitive to magic, enhancing a skill he already had and making it stronger.

He didn't like how the Order Headquarters felt. Especially compared to the strength and warmth of Asgard or the clean, almost sweet feeling of Avengers Tower. Thankfully he only came here once a week for a meeting that normally didn't last longer than an hour. This week's meeting was going to start soon; Sirius, Remus, and his dad were already in the meeting room, probably saving him a seat.

Harry was on his way back from the room that he and Ron had spent the last summer in. He'd forgotten a bag of sugar quills in one of the drawers and he'd wanted to see if they were still good. He ignored the terrible feeling in the air and took the steps down two at a time.

"Oi! Potter." Tonks said. "What are you doing over there? Meeting's this way."

"Hullo Tonks." Harry said grinning at the woman. He held up the bag of sweets that was still fresh. "I found my candy stash from last summer. It's still good."

"I see." She said. "Congrats on that."

"I've got some great news." Harry said waking over to the woman whose hair that was currently a bright purple. "My dad's been teaching me Asgardian magic. Wanna see?"

"Sure." She said. "Come on, show me what you've got!"

Harry grinned and then closed his eyes. He focused just as he'd been practicing and felt the tingle in his scalp that let him know he'd succeeded. He opened his eyes to see Tonk's mouth had dropped open in shock.

"I know right? Asgardian shape shifting!" Harry reached up and grabbed at the now longer and straighter red hair that had replaced his normal messy black. From experience he knew it was now about shoulder length, and he'd given himself bangs that actually covered his forehead too. That had been an important addition to have if he wanted to move around without being noticed. He smiled at the bright red lock, knowing it was the same kind of hair his mum had had.

"That's brilliant! I knew your dad was a shapeshifter we talked about it at your party but I had no idea you were one too! Welcome to the club!" Tonks said slapping him on the back. "What else can you do?"

"Not much yet. I made myself smaller today so I could fit in my old robes." Harry said blushing only a little. They were going to go robe shopping to get things that actually fit today, his dad had promised. But for now, shrinking himself down was easier than wearing robes that only went to his mid-calf. And magically enlarging his clothing just made them itch abomindably. "Dad says it takes lot of practice since I wasn't born doing it like you and him."

"Makes sense. Still! It's an awesome skill to have." She said giving him a wink. "Any reason you picked red hair? Trying to match Ron and the Twins, are you?"

"I…no it's my mum." Harry said. "She had hair just this same color."

"Oh." Tonks said, looking a bit awkward at the mention of Lily Potter. A woman she had never known, who had died when she had been a child. "I had no idea. It's a good look on you."

"Thanks." Harry told her. "Anyway, I'm going to put this candy with my bag. I'll see you in the meeting?"

"Don't be late!"

Harry rolled his eyes and walked towards the exit of Grimmauld Place. The meeting was only supposed to last an hour or more. They were having it early in the day, far before the time most people had breakfast. The plan was to have the meeting, go out to eat some breakfast, then meet up with Hermione and Ron to do school shopping. His dad had brought Hermione and her parents to London with them and they stayed in one of Tony's apartments he had in the city.

Harry didn't ask why the billionaire had property in most major European cities.

It was setting up to be a good day, Harry thought. He got to the creepy coat rack and found his bag. Rather it was one of Steve's bags, a messenger bag he'd had stuffed away from a SHIELD mission where he'd been undercover. Steve had been happy to let him borrow it to practice enchanting on.

That was going…sort of well. The bag didn't try to bite anyone other than him who tried to open it anymore at least!

Harry carefully opened the bag and put the smaller bag of candy inside. He'd share this with Ron and Hermione once they all got to Diagon Alley. He stood up and readjusted his school robes. His dad had helped him with the shrinking that morning when Harry had realized that none of his school uniforms fit him anymore. He didn't feel too terribly constricted but he'd gotten used to having longer limbs by that point and having them be abruptly a bit shorter had made him act a bit clumsy.

Behind him the door swung open, Harry turned around to see who it was and saw that Snape was standing there. Snape was staring at him with wide eyes, frozen stock still.

"Hello Professor." Harry said trying to be polite as he could. He and Snape hadn't actually been alone together since Harry had left Hogwarts at the beginning of the summer. His dad had ensured that much.

"Potter." The man's voice was a bit strangled and Harry couldn't understand why. Harry didn't know if it was appropriate to ask, or if he even cared.

Who was he kidding? Of course, he cared. He still couldn't decide if getting revenge against Dumbledore was the right thing to do. Figuring out how he felt about Snape of all people was practically impossible.

"You alright?" Harry asked leaning forward a little. "I know you had that meeting with Tom last night. If you need…"

Apparently even that much concern was too much. The man snarled and strode past him, robes swirling around his legs as he practically ran down the hallway.

Huh. Weird.

Harry readjusted his robe again and then followed Snape towards the meeting room. He didn't even know what he'd done that time. Snape was already sitting on the far side of the large room, glowering at Harry's dad, which was normal. What wasn't normal was the flinch when Harry sat down next to his dad and gave his dad a smile.

"You changed your hair." His dad noted.

"Wanted to show Tonks."

"Ah. A noble cause. Did you find your candy?"

"Yeah." Harry said. "Surprised it didn't get cursed from staying in this place for so long."

"I'll teach you how to filter out the energy in this place so you can concentrate better soon enough." His dad promised, looking a little concerned. He reached out and ran a hand through Harry's hair as if to check for a headache that hadn't yet appeared. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Snape frown and look hard at the floor. What was up with him?

"Thanks." Harry said. "It feels terrible here."

"Let me know if you need a break, you can leave the meeting whenever you want. I'll let you know what you miss."

"I'm fine. It's only for an hour."

"Just keep it in mind Starlight."

Harry had mostly gotten used to his dad's fussing. It was a huge change from how awkwardly standoffish the man had been in the beginning, when neither of them really knew how to talk to the other. More and more Order members were filtering into the room, taking seats around the long oval table and greeting people. Harry waved brightly at Fred and George who complimented him on his Weasley-ish good looks.

"Always knew you were our long lost brother."

"It's the eyes that gave it away. Every Weasley's got emerald eyes!"

"Oh Harry." Mrs. Weasley said, walking over to her two sons, ready to pull them into their seats before trouble could start. Mrs. Weasley looked a bit teary as she looked at him which Harry thought was a bit of a strange overreaction to a hair color change. "It looks lovely on you dear."

"Thanks. Your hair looks nice too."

Hermione and Ron didn't come to these meetings. The Grangers didn't want their daughter in the war room and Mrs. Weasley had put her foot down on allowing Ron there as well. It didn't matter much since Harry told them everything anyway, but it made the adults feel a bit more comfortable.

"You're so sweet." She said sniffing. "I do hope your father is feeding you enough."

"He is."

"I am." Loki said at the same time. "I promise you, he gets the five square meals a day a growing demi-god needs."

"Well that is good to hear." She said. "But Harry you let me know if you get hungry okay? I'm sure I can mix something up in the kitchen for you."

"I will Mrs. Weasley." Harry said with a smile.

"Molly." Arthur said. "Come sit down, the meeting is starting. Oh Hello, Harry, you're looking quite sharp today."

"Thanks?"

"The likeness is remarkable." Arthur said. "I can't hardly tell a difference now."

"Likeness?" Harry asked. "I just changed my hair color…"

"Oh well. You see I remember Lily used to have that same hair style when she was your age." Arthur said. "I remember seeing her with that hair when I was a student and so was she. We were a fair few years apart of course but…"

The man trailed off and Harry's eyes flicked over to where Snape was sitting. The realization of what Harry had inadvertently done settled in and he swallowed and looked away before Snape could catch him staring.

"I've only seen pictures of my mum with really long hair." Harry said, for lack of anything better to say.

"She started growing it out when she turned 15." His dad said. "But when she was younger she had it quite short."

"Oh."

"Don't worry." His dad said. "Even if you started dressing exactly like her, I wouldn't mind. You're allowed to do with your body what you want and seeing her in you doesn't hurt me."

His dad had gained the ability to somehow know exactly what to say to him over the summer.

"Thanks dad."

The room quieted and Harry looked up to see that Dumbledore had entered. Arthur and Molly both whispered their goodbyes and rushed to take their seats. Sirius and Remus stopped their game of gobstones by hiding the board beneath the table and leaning back in their chairs to pretend that they hadn't been playing a children's game. Harry snickered a little at Sirius' innocent humming.

"Welcome." Dumbledore said. "I see that we are all here so there's no reason not to begin immediately. Remus, how is your mission with the werewolves?"

Remus sat up completely and cleared his throat.

"I just got back from another visit with some of the outer packs. Most of them aren't interested in either side of the conflict which is honestly the best we could hope for. There's only two packs that I found that are siding with Greyback." Remus said. "I'm working on some agreements with five packs that would result in non-aggression for us, but it's slow going. I honestly think the only way we're going to make any headway at all is if we offer them Wolfsbane."

"Wolfsbane is incredibly complicated to brew. Brewing enough for an entire pack isn't feasible."

"I know that." Remus said looking over at Snape. "And I'd never ask Severus to take on that burden himself. But it's the only thing that would interest the packs. It's not like I can promise them government help, not with the way the new Minister is going."

"I understand." Dumbledore said. "But we must still try to ensure that no more groups join Tom's army. Already a majority of European vampires have joined him. Not to mention the trolls he's captured and the giants he is courting. Hagrid is still attempting to work out some sort of deal with the Giants and he has not yet returned from that mission."

"I'll keep working on it." Remus promised. "But right now, no news is good news as far as I'm concerned."

"Very well. Let's move on. Arthur?"

Harry listened as each Order member talked about what they had been attempting to do and what they'd learnt. Mr. Weasley was trying to determine who in his part of the Ministry was a Voldemort supporter, who was neutral, and who was on their side. It was difficult work but he was making good progress. Tonks and Shaklebolt were trying to do the same within the auror corps while also keeping an ear to the ground for potential Death Eater targets and raids.

Eventually they got to Snape, who had been strangely silent throughout the whole meeting. Harry looked expectantly at the man who seemed incredibly discomfited by that fact.

"You-Know-Who is still unaware of Potter's identity as well as Loki's reasons for involvement." Snape said. "He is incredibly displeased by Loki's current trajectory of interacting with Order Members and the Hogwarts staff. I implied to him that the Headmaster was trying to woo the god and his team of muggles to our side."

"How did you explain away my fighting him in New York?"

"You are protecting New York with the muggles, any attack against that city would be one you would respond to." Snape said, looking at Loki with a glare in his eyes. "It was nothing personal. Your working with the muggles is for your own benefit as well, you have no real vested interest in being a hero, but it serves you to fake it to stay out of jail."

"Hmm." Loki said. "And have you mentioned my new appointment as the Defense Instructor?"

"I have." Snape growled. "The Dark Lord has ordered me to sway you to his side of the conflict. He is also sending out every child he can within Hogwarts to attempt to do the same."

"As we expected then." His dad said. "Albus, how goes the revamping of the wards around the school? I trust the Asgardian warding systems aren't being too troublesome?"

"We are almost complete with that as well. It should all be done two weeks before the students arrive."

"Good." Loki said. "I don't wish to prolong this conflict any longer than it already has been, if something goes wrong then I want that school as protected against invasion as possible."

"Of course." Dumbledore agreed. "Now, James. How are preparations in the States?"

"I feel the Avengers are about as well trained to fight against Death Eaters as they can be at this point. My brother is especially prepared." Loki said. "I've finished charming the teleportation devices that will allow them to travel to areas of concern in the event of an attack. We will now be able to near instantly mobilize to 12 major cities in Europe, Hogwarts, a few choice magical government buildings, as well as multiple places within the United States. If an attack is sounded, we will be alerted, and able to move as needed."

"I just don't know how I feel about muggles fighting with us." Moody grumbled.

"You haven't seen them fight. I promise you, Mad-Eye, they can handle it." Sirius said. "We've put them through their paces."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

And probably not even then.

"And you Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore asked.

"The Americans are doing well." Harry said. "I had another meeting with them two days ago. They're mobilizing defensive forces for all of their major magical centers across the continent. They've been working with the Avengers on designing warning systems and that's how we're going to be able to help them. They're combining muggle surveillance with magical forms of it to catch Death Eaters before they blow anything up."

Harry shifted, feeling only slightly disconcerted with everyone staring at him. His dad's hand, the one hidden beneath the table, reached out and took Harry's. Harry took comfort from the light squeeze he was given and continued.

"They're willing to offer us a few platoons, or well me a few platoons." Harry continued. "In the event of an attack that I'm fighting at in Europe, they'll send up to 120 soldiers to help assist, depending on the severity of the situation. Of course, I have to be the one to request it and there are also concerns about how the IWC will feel about Americans just coming into a country uninvited so it's not totally worked out but it's getting there."

"Only 120?" Shaklebolt demanded. "That's hardly anything."

"A lot of their forces are focused on defending their people." Harry explained. "And it's kind of hard to offer more when we don't even have an actual battleground to go to. If there were front lines I could point out to them, they'd be more willing to send an entire army at the problem."

Shaklebolt and a few others didn't look too pleased with that explanation but Harry wondered if they could have done better than he had arguing with 50 presidents who seemed to like to listen to their own voices more than anything else.

"One of the big initiatives right now is rooting out all Death Eaters in the country." Harry continued. "I don't know how much of Tom's forces over there have been taken down but they've done four raids in the last week alone."

"The Dark Lord is not pleased by the American's actions." Snape said. "I'm not given much information on that portion of the war effort, but I believe the Dark Lord has plans on ordering most of his American forces to go into hiding until a new invasion plan can be started.

"Well I think it's going well over there." Harry said.

"Is there not anyway you could convince the Americans to agree to help if you are not present?"

"No." Harry told Dumbledore. "They don't want to work with anyone but me. They don't even like talking to my dad much. I have to be involved or they won't be."

"That's going to be difficult once you start attending school in a month's time."

"Hopefully Tom'll focus back on me once I'm close by again." Harry said. "If he's focused on me then he probably won't attack anywhere else. If he does and we need their forces then…"

"That is a decision we'll make when we come to it." His dad interrupted. "I believe that due to the prophecy Tom's efforts will be focused on Hogwarts once the school year begins again. He can do nothing else until that is fulfilled."

"Which is why the wards around Hogwarts are so important." Sirius said. "Seriously, I was able to sneak past those, multiple times."

"We're aware." Remus drawled.

"I'm interested in what other protections Asgard is willing to offer." Dumbledore said ignoring Sirius and Remus as they started to whisper to each other.

"Well. Last time I was there, I talked to my grandfather." Harry said just a little awkwardly. "We agreed that Asgard should help whenever they can. If anyone attacks Hogwarts then I have a way to contact Asgard for help. The Bifrost'll transport a whole army to wherever we need it."

"Of course. Harry's relation to Asgard needs to be hidden for as long as it can be. We've already determined to portray a strained relationship to the public between us." His dad said. "I'll treat him as any other student, although one I might find a bit annoying, and he'll treat me with suspicion due to my history. The longer we can go without revealing Harry as a demi-god to Tom Riddle the better."

It wasn't going to be easy to pretend to not like his dad but Harry knew he had to do it. He'd agreed with the idea when his dad had brought it up and he'd have Ron and Hermione's help in pulling off the ruse.

"Why the secrecy?" Arthur asked.

"Tom Riddle used my son's blood for his resurrection ritual." Loki said. "We have no idea how much more strength he's gained from that than he would have from using a truly mortal source. As long as Tom doesn't know the blood is half divine he can't experiment with it to gain more power. His ignorance protects us."

"We're not going to manage to keep it secret for long." Snape said. "Potter's mind is still quite undefended from The Dark Lord's influence."

"Undefended?" His dad asked dangerously.

"The boy is a failure at Occulmency and…"

"Really? Because I found him to be an exemplary student." His dad cut Snape off. "Perhaps instead of focusing on his perceived failings you should look at your own."

"My failings? The boy is disrespectful and arrogant." Snape said. "He couldn't learn a magic more difficult than a levitation spell without having his father hold his hand through the process. The boy is only as good as you claim because you spoil him, he's got no clue how to truly-"

His dad slammed his hands onto the table and stood up, magic gathering around him in a fearsome swell.

"Listen here Sni-"

"Dad." Harry interrupted, placing a hand on his dad's arm. He pulled on his dad and his dad followed the suggestion, falling back into his seat. Good, now his dad wasn't going to commit murder. Grimmauld Place did not need any more negative energy to it.

"Of course." Snape sneered. "Of course the great James Potter would back down from a fight so easily. Isn't that what you did when you ran back to Asgard, Potter?"

"That's enough." Harry said standing up then. He turned his full gaze onto Snape, his eyes full of disgust and frustration. "He is backing down because this is a stupid, pointless argument and we have better things to be doing than playing around with your ego."

Snape was frozen again, like a deer standing in front of a speeding car's headlights. Harry continued his tirade.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you taught me Occulmency. Tell me that you actually taught it to me correctly." Harry said. "Look at me."

Snape looked away. Harry narrowed his eyes and then sighed.

"That's what I thought."

The meeting continued on without much interruption after that.

When thing finally came to a close and everyone had been updated, his dad got up ready to leave this place with Sirius and Remus and start their day properly. Harry only had eyes for Snape though. The man was sitting quietly, silently glaring at the floor and ignoring everyone else who tried to speak with him.

"Go ahead and catch up with the others." Harry said softly. "I'll meet up with you by the front door in a few minutes."

"Harry?"

"Dad."

"If he tries anything I'll be here in an instant."

"It's going to be okay." Harry said seriously. "I'm just gonna talk to him."

His dad didn't look pleased by that but nodded anyway. Harry appreciated the sign of trust. He was surprised when Snape didn't try to leave, the man looked like he'd rather stab himself than talk to Harry, especially when Harry was looking like that. Harry got up from his chair and made his way slowly over to the Potions Master.

"What do you want Potter."

"You know." Harry said, using the same tone that someone would use to remark on the weather. "I think I might hate you."

Snape looked up and glared at him. He opened his mouth probably to say that he didn't much care what an arrogant boy like him thought, Harry didn't let him.

"You had all that time with my mum, you had years of being her friend. Years that I'm never going to have." Harry said, his voice tinged with something that could have been called kindness or cruelty. "And I think I hate you a little for that. You got so long with her, you were gifted with knowing her and this is what you did with that."

"Do not speak of her." Snape warned.

"What? You're telling me I can't talk about my own mother?" Harry demanded, his voice incredulous. "You're the one who bullies children. We both know how mum felt about bullies."

And that shut Snape up too.

"I mean really." Harry continued. "The first time we ever met, I was taking notes! Writing down what you were saying in potions because I was so excited to learn from you. And you attacked me for it, for having the same interests as my mum."

And suddenly, with Snape's tiny flinch, it all clicked into place.

"All this time. All this time, you've been punishing me for being like her, haven't you? I reminded you of her and you couldn't handle it." Harry said. "Every time you told me I was just like my dad you were trying to forget how much like her I was."

"Potter…"

"And you wanted me to hate you, didn't you? You wanted me to act just like my dad so you wouldn't have to think about what you did and who you lost." Harry continued. "And if I hated you, if I acted out then it was okay, you could take things out on me because I'm just like my dad."

Harry couldn't believe it. All this time and it was that simple? The hours of painful occulmency lessons, the humiliation in potions class, the unnecessary detentions, the cruel words. All of it was because of that? Years of suffering and it boiled down to Snape not wanting to face that he'd messed up? That he'd betrayed his mother, become a Death Eater, and lost her friendship forever? Snape had spent the last five years making Harry's life miserable at every turn just because he couldn't deal with his own shit?

Snape should have known better his heart screamed. Snape had known Aunt Petunia. He'd known probably better than anyone what kind of woman she was, and how she saw magic users. And yet in his own cowardice he'd ignored all evidence to the contrary to protect himself. Harry had come to him half starved and eager to learn and Snape had slapped him down telling himself lie after lie to justify his cruelty.

Harry suddenly felt very tired. A bone deep weariness invaded his soul as he considered the man in front of him. He'd spent weeks agonizing about how he was meant to deal with Snape. The man had tortured him, invaded his mind over and over again, and then blamed him when he couldn't defend himself. He had driven Harry to believing he couldn't trust any adult in his life. He had pushed Harry to the Ministry that night, almost killing Sirius and his friends in the process.

He had felt so incredibly angry and conflicted about Snape ever since his dad had told him how he hadn't failed at learning Occulmency, how it had been Snape who should have been better. The relief mingled with disbelief those words had given him still popped up when he saw Sirius sometimes. He'd wondered what he should say to Snape, this monstrous man who'd made his time at Hogwarts more difficult, more painful than it had to be. Who took out his hurts and regrets on children who had nothing to do with them.

How many indulgent fantasies had he had over the past month alone about yelling at Snape, about taking the jerk down a notch or two before letting his dad have whatever was left? And now Harry was standing here, able to lay down a sentence, totally justified in doing so and he just felt…tired. This wasn't like Dumbledore who could and would harm others. This was just a bully who never learnt to grow up and face his mistakes.

He pitied Snape.

Yes, that's what he felt. Pity. Harry didn't think he'd ever felt pity for someone before. Sympathy? Yes. Empathy? Hermione would argue a bit too much. Compassion? His dad said it was something he and his mum had had in common.

But pity?

That was new.

Where was the satisfaction at yelling and ranting at someone who was so pitiful? Who was a coward and a bully and was only that way because he didn't know any other way to be? Snape was glaring at him, his eyes filled with hurt and malice in equal measure and Harry just felt tired. What was the point of all of this? Of letting Snape take up so much space in his heart and mind when this is what the man truly was?

"You don't want me to act like my mum?" Harry asked. "Fine. I won't. I'll do something she never did."

Snape straightened up, Harry saw him tense ready to draw his wand. The man expected an attack, proof that Harry was always what Snape had wanted him to be. Harry drew himself up, straightened his shoulders and looked the man directly in his dark eyes.

"I forgive you."

"Wha-"

"You heard me." Harry said. "I forgive you. For everything you've done to me. Even the stuff I don't know about. And if you do something to me in the future, then I'll forgive you for that too."

And there was true horror in Snape's eyes. It wasn't the startled relief Harry had seen in Odin's, or the affection he'd gotten from Mrs. Weasley. No Snape was looking at him like a man who knew he didn't deserve it, who didn't even want it, and was being given it anyway. There was pain there too, new laid on top of old. Harry nodded to himself, he felt better having let go of all that frustration. All that was left was the pity he felt for the man.

He didn't love Snape. He didn't like him. A part of him would always hate him just a little for being the kind of man he was. It wasn't like with Odin where Harry saw something in him that he wanted to nurture. No. This was Harry cutting ties, this was Harry setting himself free of the awful chains Snape had put on him from the moment he'd had his first potions class.

"I forgive you Professor Snape." He repeated again seeing more pain and more horror form in the man's face. This was something Snape had never known. Forgiveness, freely given. Not even his mother had ever had the courage to do it.

"If you think this means I'll-"

"I don't want anything from you Professor." Harry said seriously. "I'm just giving you my forgiveness, that's it. You'll always have it no matter what. So. There."

Harry turned and left the man where he was sitting, now emotionally gutted. Snape would probably hate Harry for this, for giving him something like that. Snape certainly didn't deserve it, probably never would knowing the man. But Harry didn't care. There was so much power in what he'd just done. Harry had decided to end the fighting with Snape, end the pain on his terms and no one else's. Not even Snape had a say in how Harry ended it. If Snape had had his way, then Harry would've been dragged down to his level of cruelty and petty insults.

What did it matter what a man like that thought of Harry? It didn't! What mattered was how Harry felt in that moment.

And Harry found that even the dark oppressive atmosphere of Grimmauld Place that he felt free.

"Hey dad." Harry said walking up to the group of Marauders. "What do you say we get waffles for breakfast?"