Hitlertheduck was so excited today. She had gone out and bought herself a glamorous pink dress to wear on her big date with her boyfriend, Hitlertheduck!

Hitlertheduck sat eagerly at the table and anxiously waited for the man to arrive and (hopefully) sweep her off her feet.

Soon, the door flew open, and Hitlertheduck entered the room, wearing a dashing tuxedo.

"Hiya babe" said Hitlertheduck.

Hitlertheduck felt her heart skip a beat before Hitlertheduck planted a quick kiss on her lips, causing her body to feel like electricity.

"Well, let's get started with the date" said Hitlertheduck.

But before either of them could do anything, an epic explosion burst from the walls, and thus entered the villains of our story, Hitlertheduck, Hitlertheduck, and Hitlertheduck!

"I knew it!" said Hitlertheduck.

"That is correct, we are here to take all of your Sour Patch Kids" said Hitlertheduck.

Hitlertheduck then ripped off her dress to reveal her mechanized battle armor from the year 4100 and said "we won't allow you to destroy the world's supply of Sour Patch Kids!"

Hitlertheduck ripped off his tuxedo to reveal his purple wizard robes and said "By the powers that be, you shall not lay a single hand on those Sour Patch Kids."

Hitlertheduck looked grimly at Hitlertheduck and his girlfriend before saying "so be it."

Hitlertheduck then sprang into action and began firing a torrent of fireballs at Hitlertheduck, which Hitlertheduck expertly dodged out of the way before casting a spell to summon a paper airplane made of black holes and sending it in the direction of Hitlertheduck.

Hitlertheduck would have died, if it wasn't for Hitlertheduck jumping in to sacrificing himself to save his best friend.

The black hole paper airplane tugged and tore at Hitlertheduck's flesh. The man felt his organs getting rearranged while his DNA was being ripped apart at the seams.

Eventually, Hitlertheduck's body couldn't take anymore and ripped in all directions, splattering everyone with Hitlertheduck's Strawberry Sprite flavored blood.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Hitlertheduck!" yelled Hitlertheduck in pure anguish.

Hitlertheduck laughed a hardy laugh at the death of Hitlertheduck, enraging Hitlertheduck and forcing him to launch a big ball of bubblegum at Hitlertheduck, trapping the wizard in a cocoon of pink deliciousness.

Hitlertheduck was about to send another wad of gum at the wizard, but Hitlertheduck cut in at the last second and used her battle armor to block the gum blast.

Hitlertheduck then proceeded to wipe the gum off her armor, before firing a stream of lightning at Hitlertheduck and cooking the man where he stood, leaving a charred corpse in his place.

Now Hitlertheduck and Hitlertheduck had both been killed, with the only opponent left being Hitlertheduck.

"I am not afraid of you" said Hitlertheduck.

"You should be" said Hitlertheduck as she began slowly approaching the man with nothing but cold blooded murder in her eyes.

Hitlertheduck raised up his hands and tried to punch Hitlertheduck, but Hitlertheduck wasn't fazed by this, she just pulled out the spread gun from Contra and proceeded to empty her weapon into Hitlertheduck's body, shredding him into a mess of red stringy entrails.

Now Hitlertheduck's opponents were all dead, and the only thing left to do was to resume her date with her boyfriend.

Hitlertheduck then helped Hitlertheduck escape from his bubblegum prison and they resumed their date, the stars shining down upon them as if God himself wanted them to be together.

I'll suck your dick for a Reese's Cup.