Chapter 51

Aurhor's Note:

Content warning for vague description of past sexual abuse and coercion.

Raiden's song for this chapter is "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift.

The palace bustled with energy, as the entire staff mobilized to prepare for a ball to welcome Zeitakuna, the Fire Lord's distant cousin and named heir. Azula had finally decided to invite the aristocrat and his family to her home to get to know them. Guest rooms were aired out, and the ballroom floor waxed. Joshu ran himself ragged, scheduling musicians, florists, cooks, and extra servants, while Peony consulted with tailors to create a new kimono for her mistress. Ursa and her family came to town as well, to help her daughter plan the event.

Zeitakuna and his wife Kazue had three children, Chan, Junko, and Fusae. Chan, the oldest son, age 25, was poised to take over the family business in ash bananas. He was a handsome socialite known for throwing wild parties on his yacht. His sisters' reputations were somewhat quieter; their main interest appeared to be fashion.

The rumor mill began spinning as soon as the plan for the ball became public, of course. The Fire Lord was the most eligible woman in the world, powerful, glamorous, and the perfect age to marry. Everyone was speculating that the real reason the Fire Lord had invited the family was to see if Chan could be a suitable husband for her. The royal family usually did like to look close to home when spouse-hunting. Azula and Zeitakuna had a distant common ancestor; her great-grandfather Sozin and his great-great-grandmother had been cousins. Over the generations, his branch of the family had remained prosperous, keeping their lands and titles, while other relatives had fallen into obscurity and relative poverty. Their firebending was known to be strong, which boded well for the next generation. Everyone expected Fire Lord Azula to marry and produce heirs, and until she did, this family would have to serve as the country's backup plan. It would be so neat and tidy if the backup plan simply turned into plan A through a convenient marriage.

Amid the preparations, Raiden felt like he barely saw Azula. He gave her archery lessons, but only every other day, and he still sat on her council, of course. They had dinner together when she had time, but didn't spend their afternoons reading side by side in the library. She only held up her hand for a kiss one time in two weeks, after a contentious council meeting. It seemed she did it to pointedly take his side in the debate and remind the others who was her favorite, so he was grateful for the gesture. He wondered if he had hurt her feelings by refusing her kiss, but she acted much the same, friendly and a bit flirtatious. She kept things light, and didn't put him on the spot. He appreciated the ease in pressure between them, but also, quite simply, missed her.

The rumors made Raiden wary, but not overly concerned. The gossip about marriage did not take into account a secret very few people knew: the Fire Lord's infertility. He didn't know Azula's reasons for suddenly deciding to invite her heir and his family to meet her, but doubted that husband-hunting was the true goal. His uncertainty about the purpose of this party only added to his general ambivalence about her intentions toward him. All he could do was wait and see.

During the welcome feast held the night before the ball, the captain sat at the far end of the table, between a couple of other council members, while Azula and her mother entertained the guests. He caught snippets of conversation in which they seemed to discover many commonalities. All three of the young ladies had attended the Royal Academy for Girls, and both families owned beach houses on Ember Island.

He sized up Chan. In some ways the young man was exactly the type he always would have expected a princess to choose. He was rich, handsome in a bland way, a paper doll of The Prince Consort, complete with interchangeable outfits: formal robes, business attire, sailing suit, swim trunks. But now that Raiden knew Azula, the thought of her with a man like that felt like a diminishment of the woman he believed her to be. She needs someone active and capable and thoughtful, a man who's not afraid to challenge her, he thought in consternation. Someone like you? a wry voice inside wondered. Yes, I would be better for her, and better for the country, than an empty-headed yes man like Chan, came the prideful answer. It was the first time he'd had such possessive thoughts about her; it felt strange to aspire, even unconsciously, to the hand of a monarch.

A few weeks ago, before she had given him any reason to hope, Raiden had been perfectly willing to step aside for the Avatar, a man of otherworldly greatness. Now, he would have been willing to fight for her against a worthy rival, if she first proved herself worth the effort. As things stood, he still felt unsure about Azula's capacity for maintaining a healthy relationship. And a dilettante like Chan could never truly threaten the captain. Seeing him seated next to Azula, Raiden could not help feeling insulted by the implication that any woman might prefer the brainless socialite to him, though he knew it was unreasonable. He worked to put these feelings aside, and for the most part succeeded.

When the dinner was over, Azula caught him on his way out of the dining room.

"Raiden, there you are. Chan, his sisters, and I will need another young man to make even numbers for the dancing tomorrow night. I hope you won't mind joining us?"

"Of course, my lord." He gave her title since they were in public, along with a slight bow. With his new position on the council, he would be attending the ball as a guest, instead of standing guard duty while the royals enjoyed the music and food. Usually such an event would have been exciting, but now he just felt a sense of unease that approached foreboding.

Azula closed her eyes and relaxed while Peony's skilful fingers washed her hair. Her plan was working well so far, so she congratulated herself. She had caught Raiden looking up the long table toward her, where she sat next to Chan. There was yearning in his eyes, she was sure of it. He clearly understood how close he was to losing her, and regretted his refusal to kiss her. Chan seemed perfectly willing to play his part as well. Enchanted by her title, he had paid her solicitous, flattering attention throughout the welcome dinner. Tonight he would surely repeat his performance, for the benefit of the captain. All she had to do now was make sure she looked her very best.

Peony helped her with the thick silk belt of the kimono. Though she felt justifiably proud of her appearance, Azula did not often wear such feminine clothes. It would have been impossible for her to train seriously in an outfit like this. On campaign she had grown used to uniforms and pants. Now, as Fire Lord, she often wore robes, but masculine ones, with aggressively pointy epaulets. Looking at herself in the mirror, she appreciated the way the wide, tight belt accented her trim waist. The richly embroidered silk begged to be touched. The wide sleeves were impractical, but trailed gracefully with every movement of her arms. The kimono showed no cleavage and had no surprise slit in the thigh; the point wasn't to be sexy but to follow tradition. Azula was satisfied: she looked every inch the queen.

After her grand entrance to the ball, Fusae and Junko approached the Fire Lord with shy, fawning eyes, ready to hang on her every word. They oozed compliments on her kimono, and though Azula knew she looked amazing, they were not the ones she wanted to hear it from. Sycophants, she thought. She'd hoped the girls could replace Mai and Ty Lee, but they had no skills or interests, and seemed to hold her in too much awe to have any kind of real friendship.

She sat at the high table, between Zeitakuna and Chan. Fusae sat on Chan's other side. Ursa made conversation with Kazue, on the other side of the table. Azula surveyed her court with satisfaction. We make a nice family tableau, she decided.

Chan was talking at her, telling her the specs of his yacht. It was mind-numbing. The more she talked to Chan, the duller she found him. But she had to put on a show, and pretend she was enjoying the socialite's company. Otherwise, her plan wouldn't work. She glanced around the room and found the obscure table where Raiden sat with Joshu and a few other members of the council. Then she let out a loud, fake laugh, touching Chan's shoulder. Though perplexed by her bursting into guffaws for no reason, the young man laughed as well, just as she'd known he would. It surely looked like they were having a grand time.

Raiden sat in the middle of the room, chatting with Joshu about the new education programs. Suddenly he heard a laugh from the front of the room, and looked up to see Azula's mouth open wide, her hand on the shoulder of the young man next to her. Raiden frowned at the display. Azula had a good sense of humor, but usually expressed it with witty banter, laughing entirely with her eyes. He didn't think he'd ever heard her giggle like that.

"You don't think she's serious about him, do you?" Joshu whispered.

"She can't be…" Raiden murmured, still searching his monarch's face for a clue about this uncharacteristic behavior.

"I was starting to think…." the assistant began, then looked down. "Never mind."

Dinner ended then, and the crowd moved from the dining room to the ballroom, where musicians began a traditional dance tune. People formed groups of four, and Raiden made his way to Azula, as she'd requested the night before. He took his place with her, Chan, and Fusae, and began walking in a circle, hands joining in the center. Junko and Joshu made another circle with Zeitakuna and Kazue, while Ursa and Noren danced with a general and his wife. Raiden recalled Azula's awkward spontaneous dancing on Ember Island and wondered if the Fire Lord was about to be embarrassed, but it turned out that she had no problem performing the staid, traditional dance correctly. This song called for the two couples to continually trade partners, which felt painfully ironic to the captain at the moment. Raiden promenaded first in one direction with Fusae, while Chan set his hand on Azula's waist in front of him, then they all turned and the captain fell into step with his queen. Fusae was not a bad dancer, but the grace with which Azula moved, when paired with Raiden, was sublime. A charged glance passed between them every time they ducked together under the canopy of the other couples' arms.

After four country dances, the band played a sultry tune, and Chan claimed Azula's hand. One of Raiden's guards beckoned him, giving him an excuse to bow away from the disappointed Fusae. It was Hinata, one of the few women who served in his unit.

"Can I speak with you privately, Captain?" She looked nervous, which was unlike her. Slightly alarmed, he nodded and followed her to an empty meeting room.

"I have something I need to tell you. Before his death, Fire Lord Ozai had relations with me. He commanded me to come to his rooms and….serve him like a courtesan." Hinata admitted, head down and hands clasped.

In his shock, Raiden wasn't sure how to ask for details, or whether he should. "Did he—"

She shook her head. "He didn't hurt me, but that was only because I didn't resist. I knew I didn't really have a choice so I just…went along with it." Her meek demeanor showed that she felt ashamed of something that wasn't her fault.

Unsure how to react, Raiden expressed sympathy, then went into fact-finding mode. "I'm sorry you had to endure that. Did you tell Captain Jinan at the time?" If there was a paper trail, perhaps he could arrange some kind of restitution for her.

"Of course not," she scoffed. "What could Jinan have done? Ozai did what he pleased. I wasn't even the only one the Fire Lord used that way. "

That was true. But if Hinata didn't want a settlement, then Raiden didn't understand her reason for bringing up her abuse, years after it was over. "Why are you telling me now?"

"I mean it as a warning. Everyone sees how close you are." She cut her eyes toward the party they'd just left, and the queen who presided over it.

Raiden turned stern at the implied criticism of his friend. "Azula is not her father."

"I know that. At least as far as her politics. But in personal relationships, maybe she doesn't know anything else. And you know that the two of you are not equal." Hinata wrung her hands as she explained the dilemma she foresaw for her commanding officer and friend. "She can command you to do things, and maybe you'll do it, maybe it won't be so bad all the time, but you won't really have the power to say no, or to end things if you change your mind, and….that's not something I would wish for you, Captain." She looked up at him with pleading eyes.

Imagining himself in Hinata's position, as she clearly had, chilled him. He wondered if watching the intimacy between himself and the Fire Lord had been triggering for the guard, so he stopped defending Azula. After all, maybe the guardswoman had a point. "Thank you, Hinata. I appreciate your confidence and your concern. I'll certainly take your story into account. I'm sorry I can't offer you justice, but is there anything I can do to support you?"

She waved off his concern with a jaunty half grin. Unburdened now, she had returned to the confident soldier he knew so well. "I'm over it. I just got engaged, didn't you hear?"

"Congratulations!" he smiled, relieved to know that this story, at least, had a happy ending.

Her message delivered, Hinata turned toward the door, ready to return to the party, and Raiden followed.

After their dance, Chan pulled Azula out to a balcony "to talk." For a second she was afraid he was going to start talking about marriage, but really he just wanted to lecture her about the yacht trip he was planning for the summer. She made pleasant murmurs of agreement, even when he started talking about bringing her along on his voyage.

The game was wearing on her. She was sick of being with these people. She wanted nothing more than to curl up in the library with her captain. She was sure everyone could see it as they danced, the way she lit up when she looked at Raiden, and then her smile became wooden when she turned back to Chan. She couldn't help it. And if tonight's plan worked, she wouldn't have to try to hide it for much longer.

When he was done with his braggy monologue, Chan offered his arm to lead her back into the dance. She refused him, saying she wanted to stay out in the cool night air for a minute longer. "My inner fire gets overheated in the crowded room. You understand."

"Of course. Would you like me to have a servant bring you a glass of water? Or wine?" the young man offered solicitously.

"No. I just need a moment to myself. I'll rejoin the party when I'm ready."

Chan bowed and left.

Everything was happening exactly according to plan. Azula knew that if she stayed alone on the balcony long enough, Raiden would be the one to come after her. The whole staff depended on him to manage the Fire Lord's moods. They would tell him where she was, and who she had been with. He would walk right into her setup.

She fished in the pocket of her sleeve for her lipstick and compact mirror. She applied a new coat of red color, then deliberately smudged her bottom lip with her thumb. There, she smirked into the tiny glass. She looked like a girl who had been enthusiastically kissed.

When he returned to the party from his talk with Hinata, Raiden went straight to the bar for a shot of whisky, and then a beer. Her story disturbed him, as it seemed to promise that all his worst fears would inevitably come to life. Yes, he loved Azula, with a constant, but despondent affection founded on a dream of the queen she could become. But as much as he wanted her to be well, he simply had no proof that she had moved past her upbringing. Despite her growth and her recent flirtations with him, the Fire Lord had still done nothing to show that she could conduct her personal life differently than the way her father had, or that she had learned anything from her misguided pursuit of the Avatar. The captain knew he would be a fool not to take Hinata's warning to heart.

He was still brooding at the bar when Joshu approached him. "Azula's out on the balcony. Could you go fetch her? She's needed to start the next dance."

"What's she doing out there?"

The assistant shrugged. "Chan took her out to see the stars, I guess."

The last thing he wanted to do was interrupt those two during a romantic moment. "But she's alone now?"

"I think so."

Raiden crossed the ballroom and found the Fire Lord on the raised terrace that overlooked the garden, leaning on the railing.

"Azula, they're asking for you to lead the next dance," he addressed her back.

Then she turned around, and the first thing he noticed was the lopsided look of her smile. He frowned at the unaccustomed irregularity in her makeup, which was always perfectly precise. Peony didn't make mistakes with her cosmetics, and he hadn't noticed the flaw earlier, on the dance floor.

She's pretending that she kissed Chan, he realized. It was just the littlest smear on the bottom lip, with thick, dark lipstick: the supposed kiss could only have been the shortest, most perfunctory peck. The way he would kiss her–thoroughly, devastatingly—would have left the entire bottom half of her face bright pink. But she'd never been kissed like that, so she didn't know the effect such a liplock would have on makeup. It made him feel sorry for her. She was young and inexperienced, so she created a clumsy plot to try to make him jealous. He went cold.

"Chan invited me to take a trip with him on his yacht," she informed him, bragging.

"His yacht is supposed to be very well-outfitted," he replied, keeping his voice neutral.

Azula blinked in surprise, then dug in. "He and I would make a cute couple, wouldn't we?" She preened a bit, adjusting her headdress and straightening her shoulders.

Raiden gave a noncommittal shrug. He would rather watch her date Chan than lower himself to beg her not to. "That's for the gossip magazines to say, not me."

Her eyes flashed. "My advisors think it would make for the easiest transition possible, if I married him." Yep, she was definitely testing him.

"He would be a stable choice for the country," Raiden agreed. A nice, brainless aristocrat. We're used to those, he added to himself.

"But is he worthy of me?" Azula pretended to wonder, tapping her chin and looking up at the stars. That word goaded him; he couldn't stand the way it put her on a pedestal above others. She clearly had no understanding of the ugly class inequalities that her game of jealousy played on. She was trying to make him feel inferior because he didn't own a yacht, and he'd be damned if he let her.

Raiden recalled the way he had asked if being with Aang would make her happy, on the airship bound for Yu Dao, but there was no point asking that question again. He knew Chan could not please Azula, and she did too, so he pointed that out. "Surely only you can decide if he deserves you."

"I'm asking what you think," she threw the question back at him.

"I have no opinion about Chan," he lied, making his face as blank and nonchalant as he could. He could never feel jealous of Chan. That socialite did not have a single thing Raiden wanted, including Azula. Because if she truly cared for Chan, then she wasn't who the captain thought she was.

"You're my friend, surely you have an opinion," she insisted, her voice getting pitchy with anxiety.

"You know your own heart. You showed that when you pursued Avatar Aang with such determination."

"I don't want Aang anymore," Azula told him, waving the thought of her ex away impatiently.

"That is wise of you. He is unavailable." Raiden felt so distant from her that he had the urge to add 'my lord,' but he also knew that if he uttered those words now, she would feel them like a slap in the face.

"What I want is for you to be my friend." Her eyes were wide, even forlorn, and he was afraid he was hurting her. But he was hurting too, and he couldn't let her manipulate him.

Still, his voice softened. "I am, as always."

"A friend would care enough to help me decide." Her chin quivered and eyes shone as she stepped closer to him, within easy reach.

Great fire, but she looked beautiful in that kimono. The traditional outfit appealed to his patriotism, and she wore it better than any woman he'd ever seen. Raiden knew he could forgive her for this silly ploy eventually, if only she'd be honest with him. There was nothing he could do now but trust her to take off her mask, in her own time. He had cared for her in silence for almost two years; surely his love wouldn't die this way. He looked away from her gorgeous face, made even more alluring by sadness.

"Sometimes true friendship means standing aside," he murmured, not sure if he was being truthful. What I mean, but can't say, is that being a friend to myself means having some pride, he thought to himself with some chagrin.

"Thank you for your wise counsel, as always, Raiden," she retorted sarcastically, turning back to the garden. "I'll rejoin the party when I'm ready."

He left her. On his way back to the bar, he spotted Peony, and sent the girl to help the Fire Lord fix her face. He didn't want anyone else to see her lipstick smeared and think he had been the one kissing her.

Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Please leave me a review!