Chapter 56

Author's Note: Raiden's song for this chapter is "For the Longest Time" by Billy Joel.

Raiden rarely had a full day free from obligations, and he spent it in decadent rest. He read a biography, wrote a letter to his parents, walked along the harbor, cleaned his neglected apartment, and daydreamed.

Raiden's fantasies focused on planning his approach to the date, of course. He resolved to begin the evening with a kiss, rather than waiting until the end of the night. It was a technique that had brought him success before with other girls. When he knew from the beginning of a first date that he would want a second one, he asked for it up front, so that they could both relax. Instead of worrying about impressing the other, and being judged, they could just enjoy themselves. He thought that was exactly what Azula needed. Their first kiss had required such dramatic negotiations, and then she'd turned shy, and their goodnight had been interrupted by an ill-timed guard. He was afraid if he didn't seize the opportunity, nothing would happen, and things would get awkward. More than anything, he wanted them to be comfortable with each other, so he figured his best bet was to assume his affection was welcome and go for it.

But he wouldn't tell her he loved her tonight, he decided easily. That would be much too soon; for her this was all new. He was afraid of overwhelming her with his ardor. She had only just recently noticed him at all. And he thought that when they kissed, it would be best for him to restrain himself, just as he had the first time, to focus on teaching her techniques, or feeling her out, rather than expressing his own emotions. He didn't want to be overeager. His long-standing admiration made him vulnerable enough, no need to make it worse by showing his love too obviously in his kisses.

The other issue was his past deception. He knew that the closer they got, the more guilty he would feel if he never came clean. He would probably have to tell her eventually, but how would he know when it was the right moment?

At about five, Raiden showered, shaved carefully, and pulled back his hair. Then he put on his dress uniform, the most formal clothes he owned, but which he wore to the palace at least weekly. On his way to the palace, he spotted a flower stand and spontaneously bought a bouquet of fire lilies. Then he realized how conspicuous he would look carrying a bunch of flowers through the royal halls, and found an empty box to hide them in. He didn't want to conceal the thing he was most proud of, but he didn't know if Colonel Karai had any spies among the staff. Until that law was struck from the books, he had to be careful.

He abandoned the box around the corner from Azula's rooms, pulling out the flowers with a bracing deep breath. He wondered what she had planned. Were they just meeting here, or would they spend the evening in her chambers? The thought of her bedroom reminded him both of the night he had spent holding her warm body, and also of the time he'd barged into her room, and used the opportunity to go through her papers.

Remembering that Azula appreciated punctuality, he knocked on the door precisely at 7:00. When she opened it, he grinned and presented her with the lilies.

"Why, thank you, Raiden!" she exclaimed when she saw the blooms. He melted at those words: did she know the power they had over him?

As her hand touched his to accept the gift, he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, near the corner of her mouth. It was short, but he lingered close afterward for just a second, and she took the chance to turn her head, so that their lips touched. The kiss didn't last long, but it had the desired effect: it broke their habit of physical distance.

Blushing, Azula found a vase for the flowers and placed them on the table, which he could see was set for dinner. But there were no servants in the room to serve it, as there were when they ate in the formal dining room.

"I was a bit at a loss to plan tonight's activities. Yesterday, I didn't even think to ask you what you'd like to do," Azula explained apologetically.

"I guess I'd like to do what we normally do in the evenings," Raiden answered simply, guessing that she had planned a quiet night in. "Dinner, pai sho, reading history, debating policy."

"That's just every day," she objected. She seemed to want this night to be special, or maybe to impress him.

But he thought it was more important–and even better—for it to be normal. He shrugged and said, "Well, I like our everyday. But I guess I imagined all of that, plus holding hands."

"Oh," she said. Self-consciously, she took his hand in hers, looking down at their fingers touching.

"And maybe some flirting," he added with an easy smile.

"Flirting? I don't know what you mean, Captain," she joked, cocking her shoulder coquettishly.

"I'll have to show you, my lord," he joked back, then paused. "Should I say 'my lord'?"

"Only if you're flirting," Azula answered coyly. "Never as an obeisance. Same with this." She lifted their joined hands, presenting her knuckles to him, as she had several times before.

Happy to play along, Raiden lowered his head to kiss her hand. His thumb ran over her skin, which seemed even smoother and more fragrant than usual: had she made special preparations for him? Then he grew thoughtful, contemplating the meaning of her hand in his, and turned it over to reveal her palm. All mischief gone, his eyes now bored into her with sincere heat as he pressed his lips into the center of that hollow.

He heard her gasp, then felt her fingers cupping his chin, pulling his mouth up to meet hers. Her shyness was gone, replaced by raw hunger. She kissed him inexpertly, using a bit too much force and tongue; he pulled back and demonstrated a more subtle way, merely brushing his lips against hers until she nearly whimpered. Then he gradually increased his intensity, showing her as many shades and flavors as he could in less than a minute. Finally she pulled away, and he rested his forehead against hers for an instant as she caught her breath.

When she had collected herself, she invited him to sit with a gesture. He took a seat opposite her at the table. He noticed that the spread included several dishes he had complimented, in the few weeks they'd been eating together regularly.

Music started playing, and she explained that there was a trio of musicians in the next room. "They'll retire discreetly in an hour. They're quite good, aren't they? You're right: this is all we need. We're already having an excellent first date." She began serving him, pouring his wine and piling dumplings on his plate.

He shook his head. "This isn't our first date."

"You count the hunting trip?"

"We slept together, and kissed." Raiden pointed out, making her blush. "And what about traveling to the dragons, and the formal reception a few nights ago?"

"Well the dragon trip, I suppose," Azula acknowledged, then averted her eyes. "But if you count that party, I was not a good date."

"We wore our finest clothes and danced together," He put the most positive spin possible on that terrible evening.

"I didn't kiss Chan," she informed him. "Just so you know. I pretended I did, to try to make you jealous."

"Well, it worked," he grinned ironically at her, popping a dumpling in his mouth.

She frowned. "No, it didn't. You acted like it didn't even matter to you if I dated Chan. Or even married him." Her nose wrinkled at that thought; he found the idea equally distasteful, but her expression adorable.

"It mattered to me. But I felt I couldn't speak about it. I had no claim on you," he assured her. "But you're right that neither of us had a good time that night, so we won't count it. So this is our third date. No need for anything elaborate. I'm just glad we're together now." He reached his hand across the table and squeezed hers.

"Me too. I would have taken you out to the concert hall or the opera house, but I wasn't sure whether you wanted to tell the world about…this." Azula gestured vaguely between them, then took a gulp of wine.

"Ah, you're thinking of the press gauntlet?" Raiden recalled the photographers and reporters who followed the Fire Lord whenever she left the palace.

"Exactly. You shouldn't have to put yourself through that unless you're sure, and at the least you might need more time to decide." She filled her mouth nervously with some noodles.

"I don't need more time," he assured her. "Do you want to be public?" Though it had only happened to him once before, he recognized her implied question for what it was: the beginning of a define-the-relationship talk. He understood her anxiety in bringing it up, especially because for her this moment felt very early in their relationship. But with her position, the issue was unavoidable, and impossible to put off. Indeed, his security depended on their coming to an agreement sooner rather than later. Unless he had misjudged her, and she wanted to keep him hidden.

"I would prefer it eventually," she admitted. "But that's because I don't have the option of a private life. You do."

"Fire Lords hide their affairs from the public all the time." Raiden thought of Ozai and Hinata, struck again by how differently Azula was acting from her father.

"Well, I would not choose to treat you like a dirty secret, but if you wanted to stay out of the limelight, I would understand."

That would be unfair for her, the captain thought. And besides, it ignored their everyday reality. "I'm already in the limelight with you. I follow you everywhere. I killed your assassin."

"Because that's your job. My point is, you could choose someone who's not the Fire Lord, and avoid the hassles that come with being in the public eye."

"Perhaps you aren't aware, but people have speculated about us for some time," he let her know.

"So Peony told me just this afternoon," Azula replied wryly, drinking a little more.

"I was wondering when you would find that out, and what you would think when you did."

"I was surprised, but mostly by my own obliviousness. I think that was also how I felt when you first kissed my hand. How could I have spent every day with you and not see…." The wonder that sparkled in her eyes flattered him to no end.

"I do have a habit of fading into the background," he replied sheepishly. He could feel his face reddening and hid his chagrin by taking a bite of his noodles.

"And if you prefer to stay in the background, I wouldn't mind being your dirty little secret," she offered, her gaze frank.

Raiden was somewhat taken aback at the thought that she liked him enough to accept those kinds of conditions in a relationship. He swallowed, blinked, and recovered. "No, I'd rather not sneak around, either. But before we tell everyone about us, there's a legal matter you'll have to fix for me." He explained Charyu's law, and she reacted just as he expected, with indignation.

"As if I could not defend my honor against you or any guard! As if I can't decide these things for myself!"

"Exactly. I do want to be with you, but I don't want to lose my career–"

"There's no reason you should. My first appointment in the morning will be with my lawyer, to immediately nullify this ridiculous, ancient code."

"I'm relieved to hear it."

"Was this the reason you ignored my advances?" she wondered. "Because you were afraid of the consequences of this law?"

"It was one of the reasons," he confessed. "I was also unsure of your intentions."

"Yes. I see now that my flirtations–though it seems they were not entirely unwelcome–were insufficient to overcome the barriers between us. You needed me to come right out and say what I wanted, because you were risking quite a lot," Azula realized. "Every time we ate dinner alone, every training session, the visit to the Sun Warriors, that hunting trip— if someone had caught us, and misconstrued things…."

"Would it have been misconstruing?" He winked.

She blushed, and corrected herself, adding a touch of irony to her voice. "If someone had caught us, and seen the incredible attraction we were barely restraining…"

"It would have been such a scandal! As bad as Izumi and Isamu!" Raiden exclaimed.

"Speaking of Izumi, the opera is showing Fiery Devotion." The show was based on the story of the first female Fire Lord and the bodyguard she took as a lover. "Would you like to see it with me? I mean, sit with me in the royal box as my guest," she specified.

"That would be perfect." They smiled at each other, the plan for another date already relaxing them both. They discussed the opera as they finished eating.

When their plates were empty, and they were sipping their second serving of wine, Raiden heard the music change to a slow, sultry rhythm. It gave him an idea. He stood and offered his hand. "Shall we dance?"

Azula smiled broadly and accepted his hand. "I was hoping you'd ask. We didn't get a chance to dance at the ball."

"We did, but only in a group."

"Yes. Completely unsatisfying."

"This is better, then?" He murmured, pulling her a little closer.

"Very much."

As the music played, their steps grew smaller, and their bodies closer. Perhaps the musicians sensed the couple's changed activity because the next song was even slower, almost a lullaby.

By the time that song ended, they were cheek to cheek, their bodies flush, barely swaying. The music was just an excuse to hold each other.

"Is this the way we would have danced at the ball?" he whispered, teasing.

"It's the way I wanted to dance with you," She pulled away enough to look into his face. He'd never seen her look so gorgeous before, and realized her new beauty came from a sense of peace and contentment deep within. Somehow, he had put that glow inside her. Her eyes sparkled as she continued. "This is what I was hoping would happen that night. I wanted you to beg me to forget Chan and take me into your arms just like this. But I'm glad it happened the way it did instead."

"Me, too," he murmured, leaning in to kiss her. Their embrace went on, the intimate choreography of their lips becoming increasingly intricate. Her arms held him tightly, pulling him down until he almost overbalanced; it was just like what had happened when they first kissed in the forest. They pulled apart to get their footing, laughing softly.

"If we're not careful, you're going to make me fall," she scolded him playfully.

I already have, he nearly replied. He swallowed those words, and matched her tone when he said instead, "Then we'll have to exercise caution, my lord."

"Shall we sit, Captain?" She gestured vaguely to her couch. They let go of each other just enough for Azula to shed her jacket as they stumbled the few steps. Raiden pulled her into him as they sank into the cushions, and before a lull could develop, he began kissing her neck.

"Oh!" she cried out in surprise. He looked up, but she shook her head. "No, please don't stop. I like that."

"I knew you would," he replied with a grin, and got back to work. Soon he had to switch sides, which required leaning across her, pushing her into the back of the couch. But her hands on his back encouraged him, as did her throaty sighs.

When he paused for an instant, he felt her push on his collar and begin to return the gesture with clumsy lips.

"Like this?" she asked, a bit embarrassed.

"Yes. Harder, if you like," he responded, caressing her shoulder. The physical pleasure he received from her lips was only compounded by the thought that she was the one giving it to him.

As they continued to kiss, he noticed that she was copying his movements exactly. If he cupped her cheek, then she cupped his. If he scattered kisses over her face, she did, too, on the same places. She was even precisely matching how much he used his tongue.

"Are you mirroring me, Azula?" he asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.

She frowned anxiously. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, I like it, I like everything you're doing. This feels amazing." It felt so good, in fact, that it was getting hard for him to restrain the emotion that she was bringing out in him. So he needed them to change course a bit. He thought if she set the tone herself, then he could figure out how she really felt about him. She was not an effusive or talkative person; she never talked about her feelings, but maybe she would show them. So he hinted, "But I also wonder what it might be like if you took the lead."

She pulled away and looked down. She appeared reluctant to take his suggestion, which seemed odd. Usually she relished a chance to take charge.

"Is there a reason you might not want to take the initiative?" he prodded gently, guessing that she might be nervous because of her inexperience.

She sighed. "I wanted to be careful about consent, and your comfort. Because I'm Fire Lord, and your boss. I decided to follow your lead, since I figured whatever you did to me, you would be ok with me doing to you."

"That was a good assumption, but not necessary. I trust you."

"I appreciate that, but I don't really trust myself." Her words coming out in an embarrassed tumble, she confessed about her coerced engagement. "Aang never wanted to be in a relationship with me, much less to be engaged. I forced him into it, and ignored his protests, hoping he would come around, but he never did. I even commanded him to kiss me, knowing he hated it. I don't want to do anything like that to you." She raised her eyes to him, looking ashamed and miserable.

"Is this why I had to be the one to kiss you first?" Raiden guessed.

Azula nodded. "I had to be sure you wanted it."

The thought of not wanting to kiss those perfect lips was so ridiculous to him that he would have chuckled, except for how uncomfortable he felt imagining his love coercing the Avatar. "How did it feel for you? With Aang?" he wondered.

"Ultimately unsatisfying," she answered, parroting his words from a couple of weeks ago. Then she averted her gaze guiltily. "Worse for him."

"You apologized, and that's all you can do now," he replied, hoping the date had not been completely derailed. He drew her attention back to the present moment. "Unlike Aang, I enjoy your kisses. Doesn't tonight feel different from kissing a boy who's not interested?"

"It's so much better!" she exclaimed emphatically. "I can tell you're with me."

"I am," he assured her. He had long been curious about what had happened between the Fire Lord and the Avatar, and though the story certainly painted Azula in a terrible light, the way it proved her change somehow made him trust her even more. "I appreciate your telling me this story. It can't have been easy for you. But it seems like you learned from that experience. You know that things between you and me are nothing like the way they were with Aang."

"There's still a power imbalance," she protested.

Raiden shrugged. "Only way to get rid of that is for you to abdicate, and neither of us wants that. The key difference is that I want to be here. And that you have given me a choice every step of the way. You haven't forced me into anything," he assured her, then grinned. "And in case you haven't noticed, I'm thoroughly into this. There's nothing you can do that I won't like. So go ahead," he leaned back. "Do with me what you will."

She looked hard into his eyes for a beat, as if to ask, "Are you sure?" then moved quickly. She pulled up on her knees beside him on the couch, and reached for his topknot. Her greedy hands pulled the tie out, and she began running her fingers through his hair, even pressing it to her cheek. It was a startlingly intimate gesture, given everything that hair signified in their culture, but that inflamed them both all the more. As she kissed the crown of his head, he wrapped his arm around her waist, pressing his cheek to her chest, where he could hear her heart.

"I want to sit in your lap," she blurted.

In answer, he used the arm that rested around her to pull her down to him, with his other hand on her hip to keep her facing him, so that she landed with her knees on either side of his thighs. "All right?" he verified the suggestive pose.

She nodded absently, gazing entranced into his face. Her fingers traced his cheekbones, and her thumb ran over his eyebrows, then lips. She kissed him with searing heat, possessively, her hands slipping through his hair, until a moan escaped Raiden's throat. Then she broke away with a gasp, scraping her cheekbone against his.

"Would you like to stay the night?" Azula whispered in his ear, her voice low and seductive.

Stunned, he pulled away to look into her eyes. "Do you mean…."

"I'm open to anything that may happen," she answered, somehow both coquettish and frank. "I wouldn't offer to share my bed if I weren't."

He wiped his face with his hand, gathering himself. Noticing his uneasiness, she slid to the side, off his lap, but he hooked an arm around her waist so she wouldn't go too far. Finally he replied, "I'm honored. But can I ask why?"

"Like we agreed earlier, this isn't exactly a first date. You've been my friend for a long time. We've slept together once before. I trust you."

Her eagerness surprised him. Surely as a royal daughter, she had been taught to preserve her virginity until marriage, rather than cast it aside at the first opportunity. And the guilt that flashed through him with those last words made him certain that he could not accept this invitation until he confessed to spying. Despite her new openness to him, Raiden wasn't sure she was ready to hear what he'd done. Stalling, he asked for clarification. "I mean, why now? Why not wait?"

She shrugged, and he struggled to discern whether she was putting on nonchalance, or truly held her virtue so cheaply. "I just wonder what it would be like, you know. And since I can't get pregnant, there's no reason we shouldn't…." She frowned, puzzled by his hesitation. "Don't you want to? I assumed you've done it before."

"I have," he admitted. Her answer helped him understand a little better: it seemed that she had been taught to connect her fertility and sexuality so closely that the loss of one devalued the other. That notion was sad and false, something she should talk over with Chibi sometime. Her curiosity was natural, of course, but the suddenness of her offer made him wonder if the disparity in their experience had made her feel pressured to progress their relationship too quickly. He squinted at her. "I hope you don't think that means sex is necessary for you to keep my interest."

"The thought occurred to me, but I brought it up because of my own interest in you," she replied coolly, stroking his upper arm.

That word, interest, though he'd used it first, was so small and bland compared to the overwhelming emotions raging through him, that it confirmed his suspicion: her feelings were weaker than his. That was fine, he expected as much. She didn't love him, though perhaps she might someday. But her woefully inadequate answer helped him to decide on a boundary–-he would not make love to her until she loved him, too, and said so. That was how he'd protect his heart.

"I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that. But you must know that this is different for me," Raiden explained. "In the past, I slept with women I didn't care about for no better reason than because I would have been bored just talking to them. It was dumb; I lost interest in them anyway. Even when I tried to sustain a relationship with Akane, I couldn't help being lukewarm and distracted. But, Azula, you're endlessly exciting, and full of surprises. I'm never going to lose interest in you," he promised.

"Of course you won't. I'm fascinating." She preened, not one bit fazed by his gentle rejection.

"You are, indeed." He grinned, glad she didn't seem too disappointed.

"We could just sleep, if you want. Like we did in the cabin," Azula suggested, then looked down. "If you trust me, that is."

"I do trust you. And I truly enjoyed holding you that night. I don't think I've ever been so warm. But there is that legal matter…." he reminded her.

"Ah. You're right. We must avoid even the appearance of impropriety until that law is changed."

"Thanks." He grinned, relieved she wasn't going to push any more. Truthfully, he didn't feel prepared to share her bed yet. He'd never even kissed a woman he loved until now, and he wanted to take his time. "There's no rush. Let's go slowly, and savor each step. We have nothing but time. All I want to do tonight is kiss you."

She smiled and relaxed a little, which made him wonder if she was really as ready as she pretended. "That sounds delicious."

"For at least a solid hour. Can you handle that?"

"I shall endeavor to tolerate your expert ministrations," she resolved with an ironic smile.

For the next hour, Raiden endured the most delightful struggle of his life: not losing himself in Azula's kiss. Her responsiveness to his touch nearly undid him. He worked mightily to keep himself detached, as she luxuriated in his kisses. Memories of other women grounded him, as he recalled techniques from his past and tested them on her. He tried to focus on discerning his partner's feelings, but could only tell that her physical attraction to him was strong indeed, which was certainly gratifying.

He was surprised when she called it quits, after a glance at the clock.

"Look how late it is! We lost track of time and went five minutes over."

"I don't mind."

"Neither do I, but you said one hour, and time is up." She stood, and he followed her to the door.

"Raiden," she paused at the door. "If you ever change your mind about spending the night, just say the word anytime and you'll be more than welcome. But I won't ask you about it again. At least, not for quite a while."

"Thank you, truly. I don't think you know how much I look forward to it." He brought her hand to his mouth with both hands and kissed it fervently. "Good night, Azula."

She leaned against the door and gazed at him with a dreamy expression that he'd never seen on her before. "Good night, my captain."

Author's Note: Please leave me a review! Thanks for reading!