Disclaimers: Naruto is not mine, sadly. This is purely a fanfic using someone else's characters.
Warnings: This story includes strong language, violence, sexual assault, & angst. This later becomes a BL SasuNaru story, so don't read if you're not a fan of that pairing.
It's All In Your Head
Chapter 10
--
"So, let me get this straight.." Kakashi leaned back against a fence post, arms crossed over his chest as he studied the surprisingly open Uchiha.
Sasuke averted his eyes, awaiting the inevitable recap.
Dreading it, in fact.
He had tried to keep the conversation strictly hypothetical at first, but Kakashi wasn't naive enough to believe that. It had been pointless to continue the charade once his sensei had made that clear, leaving Sasuke with no choice but to tell the truth. Well, most of it. He gave the silver-haired jonin the gist of what happened, which was still incredibly embarrassing.
Sasuke had absolutely no intention of disclosing that information to anyone else. Kakashi would be the only one. Partly because he couldn't handle the shame of saying it twice, but mostly because he felt Kakashi was the only one he could trust- a feeling he felt with few and far between.
His peers were, and would always be, a no when it came to sharing personal truths. The imbeciles didn't fall far from their family tree..
The adults weren't much better. There were plenty of teachers who clearly despised Naruto, and the village elders obviously did not have his best interest in mind.
They would find a way to blame Naruto, and he couldn't have that. Sasuke had made this mistake. He didn't want Naruto to be the one to pay for it.
It had to be Kakashi.
"I'm listening" Sasuke finally said, breaking the wavering silence between them.
Knowing that the Uchiha's attention and patience was usually rather limited, Kakashi continued- ticking each one off on a finger as he went.
Finger one. "You stole an ancient scroll."
Sasuke stared blankly. That's honestly the least of my fucking problems right now.
Finger two. "You performed a forbidden jutsu on another person against their will."
Sasuke flinched.
Finger three. "You threatened the villagers after nearly killing three of them."
Sasuke's eyes flared. "I had good reason for what I did" he grated out.
Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?"
"Naruto was attacked!" he shouted.
Kakashi looked unfazed. "Naruto often comes to school with bruises, yet you've never done this jutsu before. You've never showed up at his house and-"
"This was different" Sasuke whispered, his voice strained under the pain of knowing what he's been going through. Or rather, some of what he has been going through. There was still so much that Naruto kept from him..
Kakashi studied the forlorn raven. "And you knew that. Even when he refused to say a word about it."
"He looked so-" Sasuke swallowed back the emotions rising in the back of his throat, "so.. broken."
"Sasuke. You invaded his mind. In an extremely dangerous way. You could have broken it completely. Irreparably."
Sasuke roughly dragged his fingers through his hair. "I know.. I know! I screwed up. I get it. I just.. I had to know.."
"Was it worth it..?"
"If I didn't know what he was thinking, I wouldn't have been there to stop it from happening again. From it being worse than before.." Sasuke shoved back the images of the men pinning Naruto down, a hand slammed against his mouth to muffle his screams..
Kakashi tilted his head, trying to read the quiet raven, noticing his onyx eyes harden. "And what makes this attack worse than the others?" he asked. "You must know by now that Naruto is often mistreated by his peers."
Is he playing stupid, or does he really not know?
"His peers?" Sasuke spat, "Don't make me fucking laugh. The villagers are the ones hurting him."
"Which is why you threatened them."
His eyes flashed. "I am happy to follow through on those threats if they hurt him again."
"But the attacks this time, you claim that they were worse." Kakashi watched his face closely. "I wonder.. what did they do that would make using such a jutsu worth the risk."
Sasuke looked away. "That is not mine to share. You'd have to ask him."
"It took his closest friend breaking into his mind to find out the truth. I can't imagine Naruto would share such a thing with me. Not willingly."
Sasuke whipped his head up, anger causing thick crimson to leak into his deep obsidian stare. "I won't break his trust anymore than I already fucking have!!"
Kakashi calmly watched as the Uchiha struggled to reign in his growing rage, his sharingan flickering to life as his feelings floated to the surface. Ahh. The infamous Uchiha anger. Always a pleasure..
He sighed. "I was not trying to suggest otherwise" Kakashi replied, holding his hands out in surrender to the angry teen. "I am simply pointing out that Naruto is not going to tell you nor I anything more than what has already been said."
Sasuke paused.
Kakashi's eye glinted with his own private mischief, but it was left unseen by the raven.
"You were only able to save Naruto because you had access to his mind. Once we find a way to close that access, you will be in the dark again. Same as the rest of us. At least, when it comes to Naruto."
Sasuke stared up at him, surprised. "Are you telling me not to end the jutsu..?"
Kakashi met his gaze. "I'm telling you to appreciate what you can before it's gone."
Kakashi's hand slowly lifted, his fingertips lightly brushing against his covered eye. "Everything ends, Sasuke.
Everything.
And when it does, we don't always get the chance to go back.."
Kakashi's voice faded, like he had been pulled very far away- out of reach from both his past and his reality. And then he blinked and he was back against the fence post, a confused raven looking up at him.
"You did the wrong thing for the right reason, Sasuke. Maybe you should be less concerned about your own discomfort and vulnerability, and more concerned about whether or not Naruto still needs you."
"So.. I still need the jutsu." Sasuke eyed the jonin. "Seems like you know why."
"Does it?"
Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Can everyone stop being so goddamn cryptic?! What am I supposed to fucking do?!"
Kakashi pushed away from the fence and clapped a hand on the Uchiha's shoulder. He tilted his head, his soft silver hair rustling in the wind as his eye closed with that covert grin of his. "Sasuke. I will look into the jutsu and see if I can find a way to break it. But in the meantime, you should spend less time running from Naruto, and more time trying to understand him."
"Easier said than done" Sasuke muttered, "all he does is shut me out."
"Yes. I imagine it would be terrifying-"
"- to have someone reading your mind.." Sasuke cut in.
Kakashi shook his head. "To suddenly be seen."
--
Sasuke left his sensei, his mind buzzing with unanswered questions and a new set of worries.
Naruto needs me.
He needs me.
So I need to keep the jutsu going..
His mind leapt to the dream again- of a tantalizing blonde beneath him, his breath warm against his lips as he begged for more.
Fuck.
He forced his thoughts to the back of his mind, shoving all of his desires and day dreams behind a sealed door. Away from Naruto's mind, his fearful eyes, and his quick judgment. Sasuke couldn't handle being rejected by the blonde, so it was better to just bury it for now. After all, he wasn't lying when he told Naruto he felt the same way- he was also afraid of losing the only person he had left.
He still had hope that Naruto wouldn't be subjected to any more trauma- that he would heal and maybe even come to accept the raven's feelings. Maybe.. just maybe, even return them.
He shoved the thought back with the others as he drew closer to the Uchiha manor.
He could hear the blonde's voice in his head again. He hadn't realized how much he had missed it until now. Despite how much Naruto's constant commentary used to annoy him, he actually liked hearing his thoughts. Maybe because they were real. Unfiltered. Undaunted. Just.. real.
The Naruto that he usually presented to people was far from the authentic one.
Maybe that's why it irked Sasuke to hear it.
Maybe he knew it was fake all along.
He's been gone a long time, Sasuke heard Naruto think, his voice soft, thoughtful. Hope he's ok..
Sasuke smiled to himself as he moved closer, careful to keep his thoughts silent. He knew it was wrong, but he wanted to hear more from the real Naruto before he threw his walls back up. He just couldn't let this opportunity slip by.
He saw a flash of Naruto's feet padding down the hallway, before the image was interrupted by another thought. Guess now would be a good time to get cleaned up. Feels better knowing I'm alone.
Sasuke eyes widened.
Shower.
He slammed the thoughts closed tight, holding his breath to see if his cover had been blown.
A hot shower sounds perfect..
Sasuke was relieved that the blonde was distracted enough that he thought the thought was his own. Sasuke waited until Naruto turned on the water before slipping inside the house.
Ahhh!! Naruto gasped. What the fuck?!
Sasuke's heart stopped.
No.
Panic surged through him as he raced down the hall, desperate to get to Naruto. That pained sound, the shock in his voice..
Sasuke didn't know what it was from, but he was prepared to save him from it.
Without knocking, Sasuke ran up to the bathroom at the far end of the hall and threw open the door. "Naruto!"
Naruto froze, cerulean eyes wide with alarm. "Sa-Sasuke?"
Sasuke felt his mouth go dry as his eyes drank in the half-naked blonde in front of him. His pants were off, tight boxers sitting dangerously low on his hips. His shirt was also off, but still wrapped around his arms from pulling it forward to remove it. Long blonde locks were disheveled more than usual, likely from his shirt teasing it on the way down..
Sasuke's eyes slid across his body, before narrowing in on his neck. What the fuck is that?!
He stormed up to the blonde, who took a fast step away from him. Before he could free his arms, Sasuke grabbed the material and twisted it in his grip, closing it tight around Naruto's wrists. He winced, and opened his mouth to protest, when Sasuke suddenly jerked him forward.
Naruto gasped. "Wh-what are you-!?"
Sasuke ignored the blonde's rising panic and lifted his chin to get a better look.
A bite mark.
He raised his eyes, locking onto Naruto's. "He bit you..?"
Naruto's mouth dropped open as the unwanted image slammed into their minds- the man gripping a fistful of blonde hair, roughly yanking his head back. Naruto's groan of pain turning into a scream as he bit down on his neck.
"Jesus, Naruto.. I-"
"Don't" he choked out. "D-don't say it."
Sasuke let his hands slip away as his eyes did the same. The pain in Naruto's eyes was..
Stop.
I didn't say anything, Sasuke thought back.
I can hear your fucking pity. Naruto pulled his shirt back up his arms and over his head, covering the mark bruising his neck.
Deep blue eyes froze over. "I don't want it."
"It's not pity, you fucking baka."
Sasuke clenched his jaw. It hurts ok. It's upsetting. Christ- what kind of person would I be if this shit didn't fucking bother me?!
Naruto stayed quiet, and forced his mind to go blank as well.
Let me guess- it has to do with the villagers. Another secret, perhaps?
Those blue eyes flashed with annoyance. "Do you fucking mind?"
Sasuke blinked, taken aback. "What?"
Naruto looked pointedly at the running shower. "Ever hear of knocking? I'm in the fucking bathroom, Sasuke."
There's bruises on his hips too..
Naruto pulled the hem of his shirt lower. "Get out!"
Sasuke lifted his eyes. Slowly. Naruto could almost feel it. His skin tightened under the raven's unwavering gaze.
"Why are you looking at me like that..?"
Sasuke didn't think.
He should have.
But he didn't.
He took a small step closer, and ran his finger tips down Naruto's arm.
Naruto jolted back from his touch. "Wh-what are you doing?!"
"I don't know.." Sasuke breathed, his mind blank.
He didn't need to think. His body knew what he wanted.
Sasuke shifted closer, the back of his hand skimming against his shirt before Naruto could pull away again. "I.. don't want you to be afraid of me."
Naruto backed up against the wall. "Then why do you keep doing this to me?!"
"I can't help it."
Naruto narrowed his eyes. You're pissing me off.
"Will you just.. let me try something?"
If you touch me I'll kick your fucking ass.
"Just once."
"I said, no!"
Sasuke slid closer and slowly wrapped an arm around Naruto's waist, pulling him into his embrace.
"Sasuke!"
"Not yet."
Sasuke gently slipped his hand into soft blonde locks, holding him gently- keeping him close to his chest.
"It's ok" he murmured. "You're ok."
Naruto was stiff in his arms, his mind struggling to decide between crippling fear and violent rage. "Let go."
"Let me hold you."
Naruto swallowed. "I- I can't."
Sasuke sighed as he slowly pulled away from the blonde, dropping his hands, forcing back his thoughts.. but he couldn't hide the longing in his eyes.
Naruto looked away. "I want you to leave."
"I know."
And then he left.
Respecting the blonde's wishes for once.
And yet.. there was a part of Naruto that wished he hadn't.
Author Note:
Oh, how I love a mischievous, yet secretly broken, Kakashi. He is always darling.
And of course, I love a story with a little sexual tension. Don't you? ;)