A/N: Like the Summary said there will be Themes of Suicide, Emotional abuse, Self Harm and Suicide in this fic. I wrote this as a way of recovering from some trauma of mine and to also raise awareness of Domestic Violence at the same time. If you are in a situation like that, Please Seek help and get out as fast as you can if it is safe for you to do so. Know that you are loved, and you deserve better. You deserve someone who is loving and kind to you. Warnings aside, we can start the fic.
Oswald of East Anglia nervously approached the bedchamber, with his hands behind his back, fidgeting nervously as he debated on how to tell Eivor the news that he had recieved earlier on during the day.
A letter had arrived from Halfdan earlier on in the afternoon from up North, telling Oswald that he was due to be Wed to a woman named Valdis, as part of the Dane-Saxon alliance in East Anglia an agreement he had made when signing up to be the next King of East Anglia.
He peered into the bedchamber in the longhouse nervously. Eivor seemed to be occupied, happily to her own, sharpening her Father's axe which had gone blunt during the raid days earlier at Serpent's Landing.
She seems to be in a good mood, Hope the news I give out won't sour it too much. This can't go on anymore. I can't be dating her when I'm due to be married tomorrow. It must Stop, before it's too late.
Clearing his throat as he walked in he stepped closer to her.
"Eivor" He started
Eivor looked up right at that moment from sharpening Varin's axe.
"What, Come to Smother me with Kisses while you can?" She couldn't help but smirk back at him
Eivor knew that Oswald was due to be engaged with a Dane woman named Valdis, under certain orders he had told her before, but she didn't know that the Wedding was due to happen so soon, the news had come at a short notice. Apparently Halfdan was sastified with his performance as King-to-be and wanted to move things further, a lot sooner than expected.
I wish, but no. Not today. Maybe another day yes. She has to know, I can't delay it any further.
"Actually no. I wish but.. Look Eivor, we need to talk. It's important"
"Oh" Eivor's smile immediately dropped at his serious tone.
This can't be good. He doesn't normally look this serious, something must be wrong.
"What is it Oswald? What's the matter? I'm all ears"
He sighed. "I got a letter from Halfdan in the morning. I am to be Wed to Valdis tomorrow morning. He wants me to move in with her by tomorrow"
"What?" Eivor couldn't help but exclaim out in shock at his words
"Your joking right? Your not going to get married to her, are you?"
Oswald froze hesitating as he scratched his neck and hair nervously.
"Right?. Your not going to leave me for her are you?"
"Eivor" He started only to be cut off when she furiously stood up, placing the axe back on the stool.
"I knew it. I fucking knew it... Your leaving me for her aren't you?" She seethed coming up to him pointing and jabbing a finger at his chest angrily.
Oswald winced slightly at her finger jabbing hardly on his chest, as he lightly winced from the rough contact.
"Eivor, Please. Just listen to me and let me speak"
"Fine. Go on. Tell me how much you love her then, your so pathetic" She spat back at him
He couldn't help but be stung by her words.
I know she's upset, but this is very unlike her. What is happening to her? Is she alright?
"I love you and really want to be with you, but this. We can't continue like this anymore. I'm sorry. I can't be dating two people at once. I got to let you go Eivor. I'm sorry I really am"
Eivor gasped at his words as she felt desperation sink in.
No. I can't lose him not now, not after everything we've been through. He can't just walk away like that, like I mean nothing to him. If he loved me, he wouldn't be doing this.
"So your choosing her over me? Yeah right you never loved me, you just used me. If you loved me, you would of stayed with me instead of her. You clearly don't because your giving up, giving up on us"
He shook his head. "It's not that simple, you know that Eivor. I can't go against the authority of another Jarl, I'll be sentenced to death if I don't marry her. Do you want me to die? All because I decided to stay with you instead of her. Do you want to be grieving for the rest of your life? Look I know it's hard but I want the best for you, I love you and I really mean that. I hope you believe me"
"Yeah right." She scoffed bitterly back at him "I find it very hard to believe your just selfish. Selfish and ignorant you don't care about me"
"Eivor, Please" He started futilely but it was no use
"Eivor, Please. Eivor Please" She mocked mimicking his voice as he stared at her alarmed
"Right if that's your attitude to me, I am leaving. I'm not dealing with this anymore. I tried to be nice to you and this is what I get in return. I should of just left and not said anything. Why do I bother"
Just as he turned to leave, Eivor ran in front of him blocking his way.
He frowned as he tried to move and walk past her to no avail as he was cornered by her.
"Please. Oswald. I'm sorry. Give me a chance. You won't regret it. I promise. We can make this work, me and you. You can sneak out to see me. We don't have to finish"
Oswald looked at her crying and sobbing quietly in front of him, a complete contrast to earlier.
"No." He said sternly "We can't. I already said so, now move" he said to her annoyed
"No" Eivor shook her head defiantly as she grabbed a knife from her belt and pointed it towards him, threatning him with it as he backed off scared
"Move closer and I will hurt myself. I'm not joking I will actually do it" She threatned him as she placed the blade to her own neck
"Eivor, Please. Put the knife down. We can talk about this" Oswald said slowly, cautiously approaching her
"What did I just say? Don't test me. I will actually do it. I will kill myself right now if you leave me. I will. That's a promise" Eivor said back to him, blade still to her own neck
Oh Crap. I got to do something. She's going to hurt herself. I don't want to hurt her, but talking isn't doing any good. I don't know what to do.
He stepped forward
Eivor moved the blade to her sleeveless arm and wrist.
"Eivor please calm down. I love you ok?"
She shook her head while sobbing hysterically "Why are you doing this to me Oswald? Why? I loved you, Am I not good enough for you, that you have to leave me for her. What is it about me, that she does better? Am I that ugly that you don't want me?"
"No Eivor. You know that's not true. Your beautiful to me. I don't have a choice, I have to do this. I want to be with you so bad but I can't. I don't love her, I want you and you only nobody else. But I have a duty to East Anglia. I'm sorry"
"Sorry? Sorry's not good enough, You hurt me Oswald. I just want to die!" She wailed screaming
Oswald watched in horror as she slit her wrists in front of him, blood pooling everywhere, dripping from her arms as she shakily gripped the knife, crying out in pain as she continued cutting in front of him.
He couldn't bare the sight any longer.
If I don't do something now, she's going to hurt herself badly. I need to shake some sense into her. I don't want to hurt her, but this has gotten too far.
He marched over to her, grabbing her by the wrists roughly, restraining her so she couldn't hurt herself anymore.
"Eivor, enough. Just stop please. I love you. Stop hurting yourself." He croaked out as tears started to roll falling down his own cheeks
Eivor sobbed back to him, body trembling and shaking as she dropped the blade and it clattered on the ground by their feet with a small clang.
She looked back at Oswald who was also crying quietly in front of her. He leaned in closer to her, still restraining her in case she would try to hurt herself again as he placed a desperate kiss on her lips.
Eivor returned the kiss as she wrapped her arms around his body holding him tightly he plunged in deeper, kissing her hard and roughly as if he wanted to let her know through actions that he loved her. Words weren't working so he resorted to actions instead.
Eivor pulled back feeling light headed as she clutched her bleeding and dripping arm in pain.
"I don't feel well. I'm losing a lot of blood. I feel light headed"
"It's alright. Just rest. We'll find a way to stop the bleeding. But you will pull through this. I will make sure of it"
Eivor nodded as she weakly slumped down against the wall, feeling more lightheaded and weak by the second due to blood loss.
"Stay with me Eivor. I can't lose you. I need you"
Oh God, if she dies because of me... No don't think like that, she will live. I will make sure of it.
Eivor looked back at Oswald who was quietly crying and all over the place as he removed his scarf, not caring that it would get bloodied and he wrapped it around her bleeding arm, starting to apply pressure.
"This will help the bleeding out a bit. Then we can get you banadaged up later once it's stopped"
All Eivor could do was weakly nod as she felt tears continue to stream from her eyes, vision blurring slightly from it.
For several more minutes there was silence, as Oswald continued to press and apply pressure to the wound as he would reguarly remove the scarf to look at his progress, she was still bleeding out a bit. The light grey material had since been stained with her blood, along with his shirt and sleeves, not that he was in a position to care at the moment, that wasn't the most important thing. Eivor's health and safety, in particular her mental wellbeing was.
He broke the silence. "Why are you doing this? Hurting yourself I mean. Why do you feel the need to do that?"
"Because I love you and I can't live without you. I just can't. All I want is for you to love me is that too much to ask for?"
"Eivor" he croaked as more tears continue to fall from his cheeks as he looked at her quietly sobbing in front of him.
"I love you already, you know that. But you can't go around hurting yourself like that just because I'm leaving you. You can't"
"I know. I'm sorry" She mumured quietly, averting his gaze.
He tutted quietly shaking his head as he continued to cry quietly at the situation.
Forcing his tears away, he removed the scarf to check the bleeding once more. It had stopped. It was still raw and red, but the bleeding was gone.
"I'm going to bandage you up. Wait here while I find some bandages"
Eivor nodded once more as he got up in a frenzied panic trying to locate the bandages.
He raked his hand through his hair as he paced back and forth in the bedroom trying to find it
Where are the bandages? I can't believe it, I can't believe she would hurt herself over it. If I knew I wouldn't of told her, no no focus. You can't lose your marbles. You need to be strong. For her. She needs you.
After some brief panicked searching, he found it through the drawer. Opening it with a shaky hand, he picked up the small roll as he faced Eivor who was weakly sat down and crumpled on the ground in front of him.
He forced himself to be steady and not to break down once more at the sight of her, injured and hurt because of him. In pain, because of him. Not only had he emotionally hurt her, he had indirectly wounded her too physically as well.
He took a shaky breath to compose herself as she weakly laid out her injured arm for him to tend to. He shakily wrapped it up as he tried not to wince at the deep raw wounds on her arm and the thought and memory, and the smell of the fresh blood as it oozed in the air. The rusty, iron smell. He tried not to puke at the thought as he focused on bandaging it up instead.
"Done" He said quietly back to her.
Eivor nodded as he got up first, before placing a hand out to her. She took it with her other uninjured arm, steadying herself up.
Oswald sighed turning away from her as she watched him from behind scrutnizing.
She's alive and well for now. But If I go, I don't know if she will hurt herself again. I got a Wedding to go to tomorrow and a Kingdom to run, I can't just be staying here to watch her, I have my own life to run. Hopefully it's just a threat and she won't actually do it.
But then she also cut herself in front of you that wasn't a threat, that was action. Perhaps it's also for attention? Maybe she did it on purpose to stop me leaving? I don't know. Either way, I have to go.
He reached the door this time without her stopping him.
"Going already?"
He turned around seeing her disdainful glare as she folded her arms across her chest, glaring at him.
I saved her life, and this is what she does to me? I believe a thank you would be nice, but ok whatever.
He couldn't hide his irritation towards her. "Yes. And don't you think about stopping me this time or cutting yourself again. I haven't got time for your silly games. I have my own life to run and a Wedding to go to. I can't be wasting time here babysitting my ex-girlfriend all because she can't do anything without hurting herself"
"You know what Oswald, Fuck you" Eivor couldn't help but curse back at him
"Your going to regret that. Because tomorrow, it won't be your wedding that you'll be attending, it'll be my funeral. I'm going to kill myself tonight, and you'll wake up to my corpse tomorrow morning. How about that?"
"Oh give me a break Eivor!" he snapped back at her "Here you go again with your threats. I don't care. Go on do what you like. We're finished"
And with that he stormed out of her chambers, slamming the door behind him.
"Come back here. Oswald you bastard,You damn prick. Come back here right this second!" she screamed after him through the door
"Never!" He shouted back at her "Never! I am so glad we're finished and that I never have to deal with someone like you ever again. Goodbye Eivor"
"Ugh!" Eivor roared in frustration as she picked up her axe and threw it across the wall, denting and leaving a hole on it.
"Stupid loser. He thinks he's better than me. Well I don't care" She chuckled darkly and bitterly to herself.
Meanwhile Oswald was outside by the stables as he angrily released the horse from it from it's reins as he climbed on.
She thinks she can own me, that she can manipulate me into staying with her. No, No way. At least her true colours have shown. At least I can try again with Valdis. Perhaps Valdis will be less of a psycho than she is.
He continued riding back towards Elmenham through the winding country roads as he tried his best to forget what happened earlier, and to focus on the feel of the wind whipping against his hair and the light breeze of the Spring air and the view of the winding country roads as he rode further.
My clothes. My scarf in particular, it's got her blood on it. Oh well I can wash it by the river later when I have time or get a new one from the tailor. I'll probably get a new set of robes anyway for my Wedding tomorrow. It doesn't matter.
Eventually, the familiar view and winding road of Elmenham came. It was now early evening, with the sun starting to set leaving a golden ray of sunshine illuminating across the hay fields. Oswald pulled to a stop, as he disembarked from his horse, walking through the village.
Thankfully the hour was quiet, and there were no other onlookers to question his appearence.
Good, I don't need them asking Why there is blood on my clothes and raising questions right before I become King. That wouldn't be very kingly of me to do that.
Sighing he entered the Longhouse, only to be suprised by Valdis who was already waiting for him by the dinner table.
"Valdis?" He questioned raising an eyebrow in suprise.
"Oswald! What took you so long I was waiting for you. So we could start dinner together before we went to sleep for the night"
"Um Nothing. I was just held up with a few things and lost track of time that's all. Sorry"
"Nothing? That doesn't look like nothing to me Oswald. Why is there blood on your clothes?" Valdis frowned gesturing her head towards his slightly bloodied scarf and robes.
Oswald froze at her words, face paling in horror before he regained his composure.
"Nothing happened Ok? I'm fine. Now leave me alone!" He snarled towards her angrily before he barged past her heading for his chambers. Entering he slammed the door behind him.
Valdis watched in a mixture of suprise and confusion, before she sat back down on the dinner table, starting to pick at the cold food in an attempt to eat.
Back in his room, Oswald paced back and forth agitatedly angrily as he felt fuming anger brewing beneath him.
"She thinks that She owns me. That I have to listen to her, I have to bend everything in my will to give way to her and if I don't, she threatens to hurt herself"
"Yeah Yeah. Calling me Pathetic, when she's the pathetic one, hurting herself all because I broke up with her. Crazy psycho she is. I wish I never met her, biggest regret of my life" he continued to mumble himself
"Why won't she just leave me alone. Why? What did I do to her that was that bad, I've been nothing but nice to her. I don't deserve any of this!" He couldn't help but raise his voice louder as he approached the wall
"Fuck!" He roared loudly as he pummeled the wall with his fists several times, denting the wall.
He stopped, collapsing down in despair as he sat down on the floor, clutching his locks with his bruised hand as he broke down.
"Fucking hell. I hate this. I hate this so much. Fuck, Eivor. Why? Just Why" he choked in between broken sobs.
After a good hour releasing all the repressed emotions that he had been holding on for the last few hours, he retired to bed in an attempt to get some sleep for the long day tomorrow. He pulled the sheet up covering his head, as he struggled to sleep, anxiety plaguing him as he feared the worst.
What if she really hurts herself because I left? What if she's actually dead already? What if tomorrow morning I get a message this time saying that she's dead and that she killed herself because of me? I really hope I'm wrong.
Unfortunaely his fears came true. As miles away inside the dark chamber in Ravensthorpe, Eivor lay cold and lifeless in a pool of blood, with a bloodied knife on the ground next to her. She couldn't take it anymore. It was too much to bear, the pain.
A/N:This was Written as a way for me to help get over some past trauma that I had. Although fictional, this was a very real story for me and was a regular occurance at one point in my life (I grew up in a household of Domsetic Violence) I had a family member do what Eivor did to Oswald, when said family member said they were going to leave after an argument. Unfortunately Domestic Abuse not only affects the partners involved, but the Children too. So Please if you are in a Violent Relationship, don't get the children involved. It will scar them.
If you made it to the end of what was a very dark fic, Leave a comment ir a favourite so I know that you read it, FFN being buggy again. Thanks for reading, See you next time!