The Warriors: Small Soldiers
Chapter 1
This is a spin-off of The Warriors: Protectors of the Multiverse
(Spin-off world: Small Soldiers)
GloboTech Industries, long recognized as the worldwide leader in high-tech weaponry, is now reaching even higher. Under the leadership of CEO, Gil Mars, GloboTech engineers are blazing the trail into tomorrow's most exciting sector. Introducing advanced battlefield technology into consumer products for the whole family. For the first time, you and yours will enjoy the same high-quality standards as demanded by the Defense Department, at private sector prices. GloboTech, turning swords into plowshares for you and your family. the Globotech Announcer said
The construction workers were putting up a sign on a building while a helicopter was flying down near it
He's here! He's early! He's not supposed to be here now. He said... Irwin said
Irwin was putting some papers in a bag and was about to leave
Slamfist optimal. Good. Check. Irwin said
Suddenly a man was walking by and saw a toy chicken
Chickens. Larry said
While he was walking he went and checked on Irwin who was heading out
Let me help you with these. Larry said
Thanks. Irwin said
Pretty exciting, huh? Larry said
I don't know. I think it's kind of sad. Irwin said
Why? Larry said
Heartland Toys has a long tradition of bringing joy to kids. Irwin said
What about Gil Mars? Larry said
Gil Mars won't care about that. Irwin said
He isn't? Larry said
No. He's just going to care about profits. I think it sucks. Irwin said
Welcome to Earth, Irwin. Larry said
Yup. Irwin said
Look you may not be familiar with our company, but this is pretty much the way things work down here in the real world. Larry said
Well, the real world sucks. Irwin said
It does have its perks. Larry said
While Irwin and Larry were walking a woman approached them
Gentlemen, I'm Ms. Kegel, executive assistant to Mr. Mars. the woman said
Hello. Irwin said
Hi. Kegal said
Kegal then shook Irwin's hand and continued to talk
Let me be the first to welcome you to the GloboTech family. Just as he's done with his computer, telecommunications, and food divisions Mr. Mars intends to bring his own personal touch to Heartland Play Systems. Kegal said
Well, that's good. Irwin said
They then entered a board meeting room and there was no one inside
Nice board meeting room. Larry said
It is. Kegal said
All right. These are... Irwin said
Irwin noticed that no one was there at all in the board meeting room
Where's everybody else? Irwin said said
There is no longer any "everybody else". a voice said
Suddenly two men came into the board meeting room
Mr. Mars, it's an honor... Larry said
Cut the kiss-ass. After I leave, I won't remember your name. Mars said
Okay? Larry said
Kegal? Mars said
Yes? Kegal said
Who's the other guy? Mars said
This is Irwin Wayfair. Kegal said
Right. Mars said
Mars then picked up a giant red goblin toy
I'm told you two are responsible for this. Mars said
Yes, sir. That's Flatchoo, he's part of the Belch Brigade. Irwin said
Actually, the whole line was Irwin's idea. Larry said
Really? Mars said
Yes. Larry said
Mars then pressed a button and made Flatchoo make burping sounds
Burping sounds? Really? Mars said
Once I did the marketing, it was the most successful product in company history. Larry said
That's why I bought the place and why you two are still onboard. Mars said
Yes. Irwin said
Certainly. Larry said
So, let's talk about the future. Mars said
The future? Irwin and Larry both said
Yeah. The future. Mars said
Okay. Irwin said
Sounds good. Larry said
Irwin and Larry were both standing while Mars looking at them
Well? Mars said
Well what sir? Irwin said
Are you guys gonna sit down and tell me? Mars said
Oh right. Irwin said
Sorry. Larry said
Irwin and Larry then sat down and explained the toys
Okay, these are Gorgonites. They...Hi. How are you today? Irwin said
I'm late. Mars said
Okay. I drew up some pictures. That's a picture you can have. Irwin said
A picture? Mars said
Yeah. Like i said you can have it. Irwin said
Continue. Mars said
All right, these are Gorgonites. Irwin said
Gorgonites? Mars said
Yes. And this one. This is Archer. Irwin said
Who's he? Mars said
He's the grand, noble leader of... Irwin said
Leader of what? Mars said
Let me continue. Irwin said
Alright. Mars said
Okay, and Troglokhan. Irwin said
Who's he? Mars said
The navigator who navigates. Irwin said
Okay. Continue. Mars said
Okay, so these are monsters from the land of Gorgon. Irwin said
What are they? Mars said
They're monsters. They've come to our world and are lost. Irwin said
How do they get back? Mars said
To return to Gorgon, they have to learn all about our world. Irwin said
Learn? Mars said
Yes. This way, kids can learn and do research... Irwin said
Excuse me. Did you say "learn"? Mars said
Learn, yeah. Irwin said
Next. Mars said
Larry then got up from his seat and presented his toys in a box case
Mr. Mars, allow me to introduce you to... Larry said
Show me. Mars said
Larry opened the box case and showed off the toys he was presenting
Major...Chip Hazard, leader of the Commando Elite. Larry said
Nice. Mars said
Do you want me to show you something? Larry said
What? Mars said
Watch this. Larry said
Larry then grabbed a remote and turned on the screen for the project
It's called multimedia, Irwin. Look into it. Larry said
Alright. Irwin said
They all got on their seats and looked at the screen for the project
The future is here. A new age has dawned...for action! The world's most awesome high-tech fighting force is ready to battle for the next millennium. the male announcer said
Suddenly a figure was shown on the screen and broke out of the box
Chip Hazard, reporting for duty! the figure said
Wait. Hold on. Hold on, hold on. Mars said
What is it, sir? Larry said
Can they really do that? Mars said
Do what? Larry said
The thing where he punches his way out of the box. Mars said
No. Larry said
Didn't think so. Mars said
There's a disclaimer. Larry said
A disclaimer? Mars said
Legal says we're completely covered. Larry said
You know what i'm sick of? Mars said
Sick of? Irwin said
Yeah. Mars said
Sick of what sir? Larry said
I'm sick of commercials showing trucks popping up on Mount Rushmore and parking on Abraham Lincoln's head. And shampoo commercials that say women can look like Claudia Schiffer after one cycle of rinse and repeat. Mars said
Then what do you want us to do? Larry said
I tell you what i want. Mars said
Oh boy. Irwin said
What if these toys actually could talk? What if they could walk? What if they could actually kick ass? Mars said
Nick Nitro. the second figure said
Toys that are so smart when kids play with them, they would play back. Mars said
Playback? Larry said
Yeah. Playback. Mars said
Oh. Larry said
Toys that actually do what they do in the commercials. Mars said
That's an interesting idea. Irwin said
Forget the "Batteries not included" crap. Put in a lifetime GloboTech lithium cell. They'll run forever. That'll piss off the guys at Eveready. Mars said
Okay. How's this slogan? "The Commando Elite. Anything else is just a toy." Larry said
"Everything else is just a toy." Mars said
That's good, too. Sure. Larry said
Sir? Irwin said
What is it? Mars said
You know, that kind of computing power doesn't really seem feasible right now. Irwin said
What? Mars said
Irwin, we're part of GloboTech. We can find the technology. Larry said
Our missiles can find a bastard 7,000 miles away and stick a warhead up his ass. Mars said
This won't be a problem. They're soldiers. Larry said
Now these guys are soldiers, right? And what do soldiers need? Mars said
Hats? Irwin said
Camouflage? Larry said
Ms. Kegel? Mars said
Enemies, sir? Kegal said
Mars then picks up the pictures of the Gorgonites
Enemies. See, these hideous, ugly freaks are the enemy and our guys have to find them and vaporize them. Mars said
Mars was about to leave but Irwin calls out to him
No, they're not...sir? Irwin said
What is it? Mars said
Don't you think that's a bit violent? Irwin said
Exactly. Mars said
What? Irwin said
Don't call it violence, call it action. Kids love action. It sells. Besides, what are you worried about? They're only toys. Mars said
Mars then left the board meeting room while the other two followed suit
I can't believe this. This is wrong. This is really wrong. It's a total perversion of everything I designed these Gorgonites to be! Irwin said
Come on, Irwin. This is a golden opportunity. Larry said
Golden opportunity? Irwin said
It looks like the workers are about to make some very interesting toys stay tuned
TO BE CONTINUED