A Tribute... nay, an offering. A bloody sacrifice written to sate the bloodlust of The Consumer, lest he seek even me to devour. Gods, forgive me. I am a coward. Although my life is but a meagre thing, I hold it precious above all. I will feed the one that consumes voids if only to preserve my own smouldering flame. Yet should the world fall to ruin betwixt his yawning maw, alas... none will scorn me.
For none remain.
I kill Angler for consum
A Fisherman was all he desired to be. He dreamed of it, he coveted it, it affixed in his mind like some crazed obsession until all he dreamed of was the pitching waves and the taut line of his string, yet as one weak in body and timid in soul - even such a thing he could not accomplish on his own.
For he was a child... no more than a scrap of flesh and bone - longing to sail the ocean waves, but too cowardly to do so. It wasn't for lack of resources - for The Hero was not lacking in resources. To him, a fishing pole and a bucket of worms was hardly anything at all. He was - after all, fabulously rich in everything but time, and often left The Angler to do whatsoever he liked in the castle while he soared over the clouds fighting machinations and monstrosities of all make and manner.
Truly, nobody knew why The Hero allowed The Angler to live in The Castle. He didn't like to fish very much. He didn't care for the handful of junk The Angler often gave as rewards for the rare catches, and he seemed to dislike fishing entirely. The Hero was far more comfortable hurling himself headlong at the goddess of fiery hell, than sitting upon a dock, waiting for fish to bite.
Yet The Hero did not evict The Angler. Perhaps it was some manner of misplaced pity. Perhaps he had simply forgotten about the brat. Maybe he found him amusing. In any case, he allowed The Angler to stay - despite nearly all the other residents of The Castle bemoaning the decision.
Besides, The Castle wasn't a safe place. It was moreso a military outpost than any kind of traditional city. Yes - it was well built - its walls utterly unbreakable, but it was also constantly under attack. Recently, Yharim's troops had managed to impose a siege upon The Castle, locking down the place and occasionally hurling firebombs against the unbreakable walls. The residents of The Castle were rightfully becoming nervous... for The Hero, as he grew more powerful seemed to care less and less for them. As if the little town he'd built was nothing more than a diversion he enjoyed between death defying battles.
So... what if Yharim himself arrived to murder them all? Or The Jungle dragon bathed them in flames? Maybe The Dead-Eyed Slayer would appear to behead any he laid eyes upon, or...
Well, in any case, The Angler didn't consider any of this - because the angler with a child.
Not just any child. He was a bratty, annoying spoilt brat of a child that had the gall to give orders to The Hero himself! Indeed, even The Hero's closest military advisors dared not give orders to The Terrarian, but no. The Angler had no qualms about it. The last time The Hero had taken one of his 'quests' was several months ago, in pursuit of a Weather Radar. The Angler had, of course, promised it to him - but when The Hero delivered the fish, The Angler had quite gleefully repaid him in three pieces of apprentice bait instead of the item they had agreed upon. The bratty child had found it raucously funny how The Hero - who was normally so composed - stood there in utter shaking silence as he glared at the three pieces of bait in his hand. He hadn't taken a 'quest' since, but when he did, The Angler was looking forward to what expression he would make should he pull another trick like that.
*crack... crumble*
A crumbling in the wall behind him. The Angler leapt to his feet in surprise and moved in to investigate. How strange. Nothing was supposed to be able to break anything The Hero had built. This was... some sort of property of Terrarians, was it not? He swore he had remembered hearing somebody say it to him, but he couldn't remember well. He was too busy thinking about swordfish.
*crack*
The bricks were being mined out by a fiery pickaxe! Somebody had tunneled through The Castle - straight into 'The Fishery' (The Angler Called the small room he'd been assigned, 'The Fishery'). Given the circumstances, anyone else would have fled for their lives - but The Angler didn't. Because The Angler was a stupid, fish obsessed child who was as rude as he was lacking in sense.
So when a figure climbed out of the hold in the wall - a figure clad head to toe in heavy armour, with a massive blade across his back and a flat, dead look in his eye - The Angler stood his ground. He planted one had on his hip. The Other he jabbed at the figure's helmet - from which two horns swooped low like a bull ready to gore. When he spoke, his voice was perfectly shrill. Perfectly annoying. Perfectly bratty and filled the average person with the overwhelming desire to punch him in the face.
"Hey! Just the sacrifi- I mean fishing minion I've been looking for! I want a fish and you're gonna get me one, Errand Money!"
"..."
The Dead-Eyed Slayer blinked slowly down at him, undoubtedly confused as to why a small child dared stand before him, much less give him commands. Did the brat not see the massive bloodstained blade across his back? Did he not understand he was one of few that could fight The Hero head to head? Toe to toe? Well... clearly not. Still... luckily for The Angler, The Dead-Eyed Slayer really liked fishing. Instead of immediately beheading the small child, he posed a query - his voice low and gasping.
"What fish do you want, Child."
The Angler grinned and made an awful pirate impression.
"Yarr matey! Shiver me timbers! Avast Scallywags! Fetch me the Pirate fish! The Pirate Fish! Yarrr. I'll give you a nice reward!"
"..."
Dead-Eyes blinked at The Angler, considered him for a short moment, then reached for his blade. However upon grasping it, he must have realized he had that sort of fish already in his inventory. He sighed, then shrugged and pulled out the 'pirate fish'. Tossed it down at The Angler's feet. There was a growl in his voice when he spoke again.
"Your fish... now, give me something worthy of sparing your life."
Now, may I remind you that The Angler is a very, very stupid child. So stupid, in fact, he thought that this was an appropriate time to be a smug little shit. May I also remind you that Bitch is rather famous for his anger issues. Of course, The Angler wouldn't have known this, but considering who the angler is, he doesn't know much of anything anyways.
In any case, The Smug little shit proceeded to act like a smug little shit.
"Aha! Thanks for the fish I asked for." In the same way Dead-Eyes had tossed a fish at The Anger's feet, The Angler tossed three pieces of apprentice bait to the floor. The orange pieces of bait rolled until they came to a rest against The Slayer's armoured boots.
"Now Scram!"
He waved the hulking, trembling, knight away.
But The Slayer did not just... 'go away'.
He had broken into this castle with the intention of killing anyone he encountered anyways - so given The Angler was so dearly begging to have his head socially distanced from his body, The Slayer thought he'd be charitable for the first time in his life. He unholstered his massive blade (which stood nearly as tall as The Slayer himself) and after taking a moment to relish the look for fear upon The Angler's face, whirled to smash the flat end of the blade into The Angler's scrawny little neck.
Now, The Slayer was a melee fighter. He's strong as fuck. Even though he used the flat end of the blade to obliterate The Angler's neck, it might as well have been stricken with a hammer. Of course, he didn't do this by mistake (he made plenty of mistakes, but usually was pretty good at killing people he wanted dead). He just wanted The Angler to cry and scream and suffer. Which he did. It was a whole bunch of wailing and sobbing and snot and tears... and The Slayer - being a cold bitch that he was - relished his suffering in a way only a complete sociopath could.
"AAAAaaaaah."
It really was quite the gruesome scene. Blood everywhere, A screaming child. Hell, that kid could scream. He screamed so loudly that even The Hero - who had just finished killing DOG 5 miles away could hear the commotion and came rushing back to his Castle. He burst into 'The Fishery' to find The Angler sobbing and twitching on the ground, and The Slayer standing over him with his sword drawn.
The Hero pulled out his weapon and pointed at The Slayer.
"Bitch! What the hell man."
The Slayer stared at him with his flat eyes, then nodded at The Angler's still whimpering almost-corpse. The brat was looking to The Hero for help, and The Hero really might have dumped a whole bunch of Healing potions on him to save him, if he hadn't:
"Faze, he gave me three pieces of Apprentice bait for getting him a quest fish."
A long pause. The Hero glared at The Angler then sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Yeah. That's understandable. He did the same to me last time I did his quest. Hey can I borrow your sword for a quick sec?"
"Sure, bro."
"AAAHHHHHHHH!"
And so... thus began the beginning of peace between the Two Terrarians. They bonded over hatred for The Angler's fishing quests. Killed him together. Brought peace to the land. Kissed and lived happily ever after. The End.
The End.