Six months ago...
A week had gone by since Rachel and Eddie had split up. Rachel wasn't coping well at all. She felt so lost without Eddie. Her heart was screaming for him, but her mind was telling her it was for the best, that she didn't need him.
It wasn't helping that it was now the summer holidays, and she had no paperwork to distract or occupy her mind, no students to keep her on her toes, not that she felt up to it anyway.
She was slowly beginning to realise just how much of her life was invested into Waterloo Road. Pretty much all of it. Without it, she had barely anything, except for Eddie. But now she didn't have Eddie either, what did that mean for her?
It was a Sunday morning. Rachel had woken up from a not so peaceful sleep. She'd been uncomfortable all night with chronic stomach ache.
Since Eddie had left, her mind was in constant overdrive without him there to calm her, to silence her thoughts. She couldn't sleep. She didn't sleep. She just lay there, wide awake, staring at the ceiling until the sun came up.
With a sigh, she sat up, pulling back the covers. When she saw the blood covering her thighs, she screamed, a hand flying to her mouth.
"No, no, please, no!" she whimpered, placing a hand on her stomach
There was no doubt in her mind that she was having a miscarriage. How could she not have seen this coming? She couldn't have Eddie, or her baby. Any kind of happiness that came her way was always destroyed in an instant. She wasn't meant to be happy.
As she continued to stare at the blood, she let out a strangled sob. Her world was caving in around her, her heart shattering into a million pieces. Her baby had been the only thing keeping her going, and now they were gone too. What was the point anymore? What life was worth living without Eddie Lawson or her baby? She had nothing, no one. If she left now, no one would miss her. She just wanted the aching in her heart to stop; she wanted to silence the voices in her mind. She wanted to forget Eddie Lawson. She wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.
She crawled out of bed and into the ensuite, rummaging in the cupboard for the razor blades.
Finally, she found them.
She sat down on the toilet seat, staring at them blankly. Suddenly, dying didn't scare her anymore. If it meant she was free of the crippling pain and grief she was currently experiencing, it was worth it. She couldn't do this anymore. She didn't want to be alive anymore. She had no one left, apart from Philip of course, but he was better off without her. Her decision was final, there was no stopping her.
She took the razor blade out of the packet, taking a deep breath as she held it to her wrist with a shaking hand.
She was one step closer to freedom...