AN: so we're going back in time a bit to see bella's point of view and how she's dealing with everything.

Hope you'll enjoy!

Chapter 9 - Numb

BPOV

Numb.

That was what I was feeling. I couldn't wrap my head around everything that was happening. I was numb.

I didn't sleep or eat for the first two days. I managed to walk Jake and feed him but that was it. Dragging myself from my couch and down the stairs to let him do his business and then back up again. I was on autopilot. I just stared at the walls surrounding me without seeing them.

I was lost.

I was Alone.

I was numb.

After the second day, Angela was at my door. I heard a knock and mentally steeled myself for another delivery of flowers. My apartment was flooding with sympathy cars and flowers by now. It was overwhleming how many people loved Charlie.

I opened the door and saw Angela standing there with tears in her eyes. I fell into her arms with a sob, pain and sorrow overtaking me for the first time in 48 hours. I cried and I didn't stop crying for hours afterwards.

Angela soothed me, coaxed me to eat something, helped me take a nice hot shower and put me in some comfortable fresh pajama's.

'Bella.' Angela sighed. 'Why didn't you call me?'

'I'm sorry.' I muttered, curling into a ball on the couch. The pain was a constant now. perhaps I liked the numbness better. Jake laid down in front of me with his head on the couch.

'No, I didn't mean it as a reproach. I just wish I could have been here for you sooner. You know I would have dropped everything.'

'I know.' I said as new tears filled my eyes. 'I love you, Ang.'

'I love you too.' She said, as she wrapped me up in her arms as I started crying again.

The days blurred together after that in a frenzy of planning the funeral and making sure the hospital bills were paid, viewing his body, choosing clothes for him to be buried in and going over funeral service and memorial plans. Most of them were already made, that was nice.

But there was still a lot to be done. and the pain that had been a new constant in my life only seemed to grow and worsen. I was broken. I was alone and I missed my dad so much.

I was grateful that Angela was there beside me. I didn't think I could have made it through otherwise. She walked Jake for me so I could get my rest and made sure I started eating at least once a day and taking showers regularly.

She kept me away from the news and press, but still I saw a few tabloids with speculation about what was going to happen to the cubs now. I also spotted one very flattering picture of myself with my hair in an absolute tangle, no make up and fluffy winnie the pooh pants, walking Jake with my head down. It annoyed me that people were this desprerate for money that they'd take a picture of me in such a vulnerable moment and sell it. but that was humanity for you.

I sighed. I didn't even want to think about that, or about what was going to happen to the cubs. Although it all depended on what Charlie's will said, and I wasn't sure about that. but still, I knew changes were coming for me. and I didn't have the energy right now to prepare myself for those.

'Kate called.' Angela said after I'd taken a shower on Thursday. 'she's coming over today to go over the legal aspects of inheriting Charlie's estates.'

'I don't know yet if I'm inheriting.' I mumbled.

Angela cocked a brow at me. Okay I was in denial. But I just didn't have the energy to deal with all of this right now.

'Aren't we seeing her at the reading of the will anyway?' I asked.

'She just wants to know how you're doing. She's your lawyer now you know.'

'No she's my dad's lawyer.'

Angela sighed and nodded before leaving it alone. 'do you have a dress picked out for tomorrow?'

My breath hitched but I nodded. Tomorrow. The funeral. It seemed unreal. Tomorrow I would bury my dad. The only family I had left, and I would have to bury him alone.

'Alright. I'm going to take Jake for a short walk, I'll be back before Kate comes.'

I'd nodded again and then she'd left.

I curled myself up into a ball as the fresh tears and pain ripped through me. I didn't want this. I wanted to turn back time. It wasn't fair. Why did I have to do this?

It could have been an hour or just fifteen minutes before Angela returned, when she came back another voice was with her.

'Bella?' she called out, slightly worried. I sniffled and tried to wipe my tears, but they kept falling.

I looked up from my little huddle on the couch and saw Angela flanked by Jake and Kate.

I mentally steeled myself, telling myself to stop crying in front of this woman. I pushed myself up from the couch and put on a brave face, trying to smile welcomingly.

But I wasn't sure if I was pulling it off. As I was still brushing wayward tears from my face.

'Kate. Nice to see you again.' We'd met a few times here and there. She was pretty important to Charlie as his lawyer.

'I wish it had been under better circumstances.' She said in a soft kind voice before stepping forward and wrapping her arms around me.

I sagged against her, trying to keep my tears at bay.

'I'm so sorry for your loss.'

'Thank you.''I muttered as she pulled away again.

'Would you like something to drink, Kate?' Angela asked her.

'Some water, please.' She said.

We sat down at the dining table and Angela poured me some juice, before sitting down next to me.

'Tomorrow after the funeral the will will be read.' Kate started after she took a sip of her water. 'Now most of it is just standard, but Charlie had some specific things he wanted read aloud, with you, Harry and Paul Lahote in the room.'

'Paul?' I asked with a frown.

Kate nodded.

'Why?' I asked. 'he hates me.'

'it was his specific request. I can't tell you about what's in the will yet, everyone has to be present for that.'

I sighed.

'probate will start immediately after, but everything is pretty straight forward so I think it will take a month at most to sort everything out.'

'are there possibilities of someone contesting?'

'I don't think so.' Kate hedged, but she was hesitant. 'I just want to you to prepare yourself Bella. Especially with Paul there. It can get rough and I want you to be prepared. There will be lots of press at the funeral and the service afterwards. I think it's in your best interest to avoid them all together because they will do everything they can to get a rise out of you. Those types of pictures are worth a lot.'

'fucking hell, that's just ridiculous.' Angela spat.

'I know, but sadly that's how it is.'

'I'll just make sure to get there early and go through a back entrance or something.' I mumbled. I hadn't thought about any of this. I would have to call the funeral home and figure out something with them.

Kate nodded. 'I'll have my sister Tanya drive you tomorrow, she knows the backways and how to avoid the press.'

'You don't have to do that.' I protested weakly, but the idea of not having to face this entirely alone did sound good. And I definitely wasn't sure what I'd do if one of the paparazzi tried to stop me from leaving.

'I know. But I want to.' Kate said sincerely. I nodded my thanks to her.

We talked for a while longer about some more legal things about what would happen after the will was read and then she left again.

It was only early afternoon and everything was just getting too much for me. So I grabbed my coat and my walking boots and Jake's leash.

'Are you sure, Bella?' angela asked, looking at me carefully.

'Yeah, walking will be good for me. Clear my head for a bit.'

'Alright, then. Keep your phone with you though, and make sure you don't go to the regular spots. the paps will be waiting.' She was starting to sound like a mom, and I oculdn't help but love her more for it.

I hugged her quickly before heading out with Jake.

We walked around the park for a bit before I sank down on my familiar bench and sent Jake off doing whatever with sticks and other dogs. My mind was blissfully blank, but I knew it was only a matter of time before everything would start creeping back in.

I hunched in on myself as the weight of the world seemed to settle on my shoudlers.

Tomorrow I would have to say goodbye to my dad, the last family I had. After that I was truly alone on this world. And I would have to deal with watever came after that, by myself.

I wished I had my mom.

I wished Charlie hadn't died.

I wished I had sisters or aunts or even grandparents to help me through this.

But I had preciously few people that were still around. Only angela really… and Jake. But he was a dog.

Suddenly a dog appeared in front of me, starteling out of my dark spiral. His butt and tail were wiggling a mile a minute with glee as he nudged my knees with his nose.

I smiled and raised my hand to pet him. It was Mike.

I glanced up to try and find Edward. And before long I saw him.

He looked tired. And like something was bothering him. but he also still looked amazing and I was acutely aware that I looked and felt like absolute shit.

Great would this man ever see me when I was at my best? First falling on my ass and now this… I sighed.

'Bella?' he asked stopped a bit away.

'Edward.' I replied, my voice soft and weak, even to my own ears. was it too late to run away? probably, plus I had a tendency to fall down when I ran, that wouldn't help.

'Are you alright?' he asked softly.

I tried to plaster a smile on my face, but I wasn't sure it was working as I forced the word yeah from my lips.

Mike bounded away again and I saw him finding Jake and them rolling around together.

'What's wrong?' he asked, his voice filled with concern as he sat down next to me on the bench

'Nothing, I'm fine.' I insisted, willing my voice to be stronger. I would not cry in front of this beautiful man.

'You don't seem fine.' He said, and I had to agree with him there. 'I don't mean to pry… I just thought… perhaps you'd want to talk about it?'

Why was he being this nice to me? We didn't even really know each other. And even though he looked nice and incredibly handsome, I wasn't sure what this man wanted from me. and I sure as shit wasn't in the mood to deal with any oppertunists.

'Not really.' I said curtly.

'Oh.' He sounded disappointed. 'I'm sorry if I'm being pushy… it's just… I haven't really stopped thinking about you… I have been coming here hoping to see you every time just so I could finally ask your number and ask you out… I… I want to get to know you, Bella. You intrigue me.' He confessed with such vulnerability in his voice that I glanced over at him.

He was staring at his hands, a blush covering his cheeks. He'd been genuine.

I was stunned.

And moved.

And so confused that I wasn't sure which way was up anymore.

Before I knew it tears were pooling in my eyes. He turned towards me then, and his eyes grew wide with panic before his arms reached out without hesitation and he pulled me against his firm chest and encircled me in the safety and warmth of his strong arms.

I cried.

I cried against this stranger's chest because I was overwhelmed and not sure what was going on anymore and here he was being kind and nice and just… so perfect that I felt cheated once again.

What if we had met under normal circumstances?

I would have asked for his number.

But now… my life was so fucked up right now that I couldn't drag him into this. No matter how kind or generous or handsome he was.

'I'm sorry.' I said, pulling away from him emberassedly. I wiped my eyes roughly, trying to put a lid on my tears again. I was amazed I even still had tears. I had cried so much this week already.

His arms released me and I keenly felt the loss. But I managed not to whimper.

'No, please don't apologize.' He said, his voice warm and kind.

'I've just had a rough week. I've lost the only person I had left.' I finally admitted to him, not meeting his eyes.

'I'm so sorry.'

'I just… I'm lost right now, Edward. I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about you too. I did. But… it's just not fair for me to start something with you. I'm a mess. I don't want to drag you into it.'

'What if I want to be dragged into it?' he asked.

And for a moment I wished we could. But then reality set in and I shook my head.

'No. I can't do that to you.'

God this felt awful. I wanted to get out of here before I launched myself back into the comfort of his arms and begged him to make it all better. To take me away from my shitty life and help me through this. But that wasn't fair. I needed to get through this on my own.

So I quickly made my escape. 'I'm sorry, Edward. I have to go.'

I whistled once and jake's head snapped up before he took off towards me. I clipped him on the lead and turned to head back to the car.

'wait' he said quickly. 'please, just wait.'

I stopped. But I couldn't turn and let him see my new tears. I didn't want him to see that this was hurting me too. I heard him rustle a bit, before he reached out and touched my hand, putting something in there. I tried to ignore the shot of electricity that ran through me when his fingers touched mine.

'please, Bella. Please, call me.' he whispered. 'I want to be there for you, even though we haven't known each other very long.'

I shook my head and quickly started walking away.

'just call me any time.' he muttered, mercifully staying behind.