AN: Hi everyone, thanks for all the favs, reviews and follows. I hope you're all enjoying this fic.

The chapter will be getting slightly longer now.

This one is still Bella point of view, but Edward's will return eventually.

It's BPOV of the funeral, so it will be quite painful for her. So lots of emotions and pain from grief in this chapter, so be warned if that's not your thing.

Hope you'll enjoy!

Chapter 10 - Grief

BPOV

The following day was the funeral.

Angela had promised to walk Jake again, so I could get ready in peace and head down early with Tanya. Angela would meet me there. So I found myself standing in front of my mirror staring at myself in my black dress.

It was a nice dress. Some namebrand that Kate had brought over.

I didn't really care.

But it fit me nicely. At least I wouldn't look like the absolute bag of shit I felt like. I had fixed up my hair into a nice bun, and made sure my make up hid the worst of the bags under my eyes.

I couldn't do anything about the overall gaunt look I was sporting though. So I decided this was as good as I was going to get. I grabbed my purse and slipped into my heels, before heading down. Angela would meet me there, she didn't have a bullseye on her back, so she'd go through the front and give me thanks to people for coming.

Tanya was waiting for me in the lobby and I greeted her kindly. She smiled at me and I could see the sympathy in her eyes as she looked at me. I hated that look. I had been getting that look all through my life, but now it was even worse. Now I was a true orphan, and the looks matched that stauts.

I sighed and followed Tanya to the underground parking garage.

She drove a large SUV that had heavily tinted windows in the back, so no one would be able to snap a picture of me inside, I was thankful for that at least.
we drove in silence, I was grateful for it, but I was guessing it wasn't exactly intentional.

Tanya was probably unsure what to say to me. I didn't blame her for that at all.

The silence was good, though, it allowed me to prepare myself for what was to come. The moment I stepped inside that venue I knew I had to put up a front. Show that I was strong, strong enough to carry on without him, strong enough to take his place even. A lot of eyes would be on me and I vowed not to let them down. At least, thart was the mental preparation I was going through.

Tanya drove around the venue and stopped near a nondescript door at the back. It opened a moment later and she quickly got out after asking me to stay in the car for a moment. she walked over to the opened door and seemed to talk to someone inside, before jogging back to the car and opening the door for me, telling me it was safe to head inside.

'Thank you. ' I muttered.

'No problem, Miss swan.' She answered, staying next to me vigilantly until i was inside. I felt like I had a bodyguard. But I felt oddly reassured by her presence by my side.

She guided me inside and walked me over to the funeral director who was waiting by another door. Once we had shook hands, Tanya excused herself to park the car.

I nodded and thanked her again, which she dismissed. Then I turned to the funeral director who quickly went through the program with me. We walked through the music, and the order in which people would be speaking. He assured me the flowers were there and all in place. I closed my eyes for a moment and went through everything in my mind. It was really happening. It was all readl. It had felt surreal this entire week; the planning, picking the flowers, the suit, the music, chosing the guestlist. IT was exhausting but also felt distant somehow. It gave me somethign to focus on so I wouldn't focus on the fact that my father was no longer here.

But now... now there was no escape from that thought. He was there, in the other room, lying in his coffin in his favourite cubs shit, his comfy pair of pants and his favourite boots. But it wasn't him, he was gone. only his body remained now. and that thought made panic rise in my chest.

The funeral director looked at me with concern in his eyes as he opened the door for me. Right, he was letting me into the room before the other guests, so I wouldn't be bothered by anyone.

I quickly shook myself from my thought, tried to put on a brave face and nodded my thanks to him.

He led me over to the first row of pews in the little chapel. I followed after him as I glanced around. IT was beautiful. A large photo of Charlie and I stood near the coffin at the front. There were flowers littered along the pews, in front of the coffin, on top of the cofin and behind the speaker's podium. There was a piano off to the side and there were two large candle's stood on both sides of the coffin, their flames flickering in the quiet breeze.

Charlie was to be cremated so after the service we would leave for the funeral service at the park. I would receive his ashes in a few days. I had requested a part of his ashes to be used to create a locket. With his fingerprint on the back. That way he would always be close to me.

'The first row is reserved for family. Do you expect any other members?' the funeral director asked, as I sank down in a seat.

'There are no other members.' I muttered, and I saw the sympathy creep back into his eyes.

He smiled gently at me. 'I'm sorry for your loss.'

I nodded in acknowledgement. I was beginning to hate that phrase. I knew it was hard to think of what to say to someone in my situation. but it also wasn't easy hearing it from this side either. I hated it and the look that everyone gave me while saying it. I let out a frustrated sigh, and focussed on the little flame of the candle, trying to let my mind go blank.

After about ten minutes the doors at teh abck of the chapel opened and the other guests started filing it. Voices started floating through the room in subdued tones. I stopped myself from turning around to see who it was coming in. I would see them all in one way or other today, I didn't want to see the pity they had for me as I sat here by myself. So I kept my focus on the little flame.

A pair of arms came around me and I started before realizing it was Angela.

'Jake behave?' I asked her, hugging her back.

she nodded and sat down beside me. Although this row was officially for family, I had asked Angela to sit with me. I didn't want to sit here by myself. Of course Angela had agreed without even hesitating. I was grateful for her prescence as the service started and the room quieted down.

She kept her arm around me throughout the service. She had been my rock throughout this week. I wasn't sure I would have survived without her. The service continued around me, but I wasn't really there. somehow. It felt odd being here in this room. I felt the tears on my face, I felt Angela's arm around me. But everythign else seemed to register only distantly. Multiple people spoke and talked about their memories of Charlie and I heard them, but at the same time, it felt like I was seeing them through a haze, like I was watchign a recording.

Before I knew it the director came forward and said it was time for me to say goodbye to my father.

I looked to angela with panic in my eyes. I wasn't ready for this. I couldn't say goodbye to him. I didn't want to say goodbye to him. Panic was building in my chest as I crashed back into the present and I realized that this was really happening. that charlie was actually in that coffin righ tin front of me. His body cold and lifeless and alone.

Angela seemed to notice my absolute dread, and firmly grasped my hand in hers. She pulled me up and we both stood in front of the coffin as Charlie's favourite blues song unchain my heart sounded through the little chapel.

I chocked on a sob.

Charlie was in this coffin. His body was in there. He was gone. There was no life left in his body. Sobs shook my body as pain ripped through me. Angela tightened her hold on me and stood silently next to me letting me work through this.

I cried harder.

'I love you dad.' I whispered. My entire body trembling with shock and pain and absolute despair.

He was gone. I was alone.

I didn't know how long I stood there barely hanging on to my sanity, but eventually Angela turned around and led me away through a side door.

I was a mess. I couldn't walk. I couldn't see through the tears. I couldn't breathe through my sobs.

We stumbled through another door before Angela asked someone for help as she lowered me down on something. My body seemed to collapse in on itself as I struggled to breathe.

I heard some vague noises in the background. Words like panic… sobbing… help… and ambulance were thrown around.

But I couldn't focus.

My world was crumbling around me and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

It wasn't fair.

Why? Why did he have to die? Why did it have to be him? Why did I have to lose another parent? Why did I have to be left here alone?

I couldn't do this, I couldn't do this alone. I was scared and grieving and in absolute terror about what was waiting for me.

'Bella?' a new voice.

I was being shaken around a bit. But I was crying too hard to find something to focus on. Finally someone pressed something into my hands and guided it over my mouth and nose.

A bag. Realization dawned. I was having a panic attack. I was hyperventilating while crying.

That explained a lot.

I tried to focus on my breathing, the bag was helping. With every breath my mind became slightly less muddled. The pain was still there. But I could think around it again. Finally I pulled the bag away and took a deep breath.

Angela's worried face was in front of me. I met her gaze and gave her a watery smile. She breathed a sigh in relief.

'Oh Bella.' She said with empathy evident in her face and voice. 'Are you okay?'

I nodded. 'I'm sorry.'

'Don't be silly. Don't apologize.' Someone else said. It was a man. I wasn't sure who he was exactly. But he seemed familiar. I quickly grabbed a tissue and dabbed at my nose and face trying to make myself presentable.

'Bella, this is Carlisle Cullen.' Harry said.

Apparently he'd witnessed my little breakdown as well. Great this was just getting better by the second.

'He's a doctor.'

Ah. They had really been worried then.

Carlisle held out his hand for me to shake. 'I'm so sorry fo your loss. Charlie was a great man.' He said sincerely.

I nodded in agreement.

'Carlisle is the new orthepedic liaison for the team.' Harry explained.

That must be why he seemed familiar. Dad had spoken about him a few times.

'It's nice to meet you.' I told him honestly, as I finally found my voice.

'Do you know what happened Bella?' he asked, his tone was professional.

'I had a panic attack' I answered.

He nodded seriously. 'Do you have those often?'

I shook my head. Carlisle glanced around us and then asked if the others would give him a moment with me.

Angela looked concerned and I figured I did probably as well. But Carlisle insisted it was a medical thing. He couldn't break confidentiality and he wanted to make sure I was indeed okay to go on to the service. Harry and Angela had no choice but to agree when put like that. Still I remained anxious.

Carlisle crouched down in front of me when the other two had gone back to the other room.

'I'm going to be frank here, Bella.' He said. 'I think you've had a rough week and you've not been taking care of yourself. You are thin and I think slightly dehydrated based on the condition of your skin. You seem like you haven't slept well either. And the ease with which you recognized the panic attack worries me a little. Have you had any medical attention since your father passed?'

I shook my head.

'are you eating?'

I nodded once.

'drinking?'

again I nodded.

'sleeping?'

again I nodded. 'Angela has been helping me, making sure I eat and drink.'

'how much?'

I shrugged. 'A meal a day at least.'

Carlisle blew out a breath. 'I know I'm not your doctor, Bella. I'm not even a general practioner, I'm a surgeon. But still when I see someone that is sick, my training kicks in. you are not well Bella.' He said carefully. 'have you thought about going to grief counselling?'

I glanced up at him, my mouth falling slack. 'a therapist?' I asked.

he nodded once. 'I know it isn't really my place, but I could refer you to a colleague of mine that specializes in grief. I really think that could help you right now Bella. Everyone deals with grief differently and I understand that your situation is extremely difficult. But it's important that you start taking care of yourself again and there is nothing wrong with needing a bit of help to get there. What you went through was traumatic and horrible and losing your father can only be incredibly painful and difficult for you, but I think going to grief counselling might help you deal with your feelings and give you the strength and energy you need to start getting better.'

I took a deep breath. I hadn't thought about therapy before. I had always thought it was for people who were having problems that were hundres of times worse than mine. I just lost my father. That was something many people experienced.

'I'm not sure..' I hedged.

'I won't push you. I won't tell you what to do. I'll just give you his number and leave it at that. But I will check up on you, bella. Unless you promise me you'll go to your own GP by the end of today.'

I stared at him for a moment, judging if he was serious or not. When he held my gaze unwaveringly I nodded.

'I'll think about it.' I told him about the therapist. 'and I'll go to the gp today after the service.' I promised.

He seemed relieved and then called Angela and Harry back.

I was in a daze for the rest of the day, that same distanced feeling I'd had during the service was back. Harry and Angela kept close to my side throughout the service and kept me well away from any press or paparazzi. They even kept me away from the team, insisting that it was too much right now.

They were worried about me that much was clear. Carlisle kept close by too. He and his wife and daughter were attending and they both came over to pay their respects. I thanked them. But didn't make much more conversation. Thankfully they seemed to understand and didn't push or press.

When Harry announed it was time to head to the field. I went with Angela to the private viewing box. We sat and watched as two players threw balls, but I wasn't paying attention anymore. I had retreated into my own mind, mulling over what Carlisle had said.

I realized I was lost.

I realized I was struggling to keep afloat. Would a therapist be able to help me with that?

It wasn't until Angela touched my elbow that I realized the ceremony was over and the plaque had already been revealed. I sighed and turned to head to the office. Kate would be there waiting, along with the others to read the will.

I trudged inside and found the others already there. Angela couldn't come in, because she wasn't allowed.

I hated that. I wanted her with me, but at least Harry was there.

He pulled out a chair for me to sit in and I sank down in it gratefully. Paul didn't even glance at me. He stood with his arms crossed over his chest across the room from Kate, staring daggers at her.

I wondered what had happened. But then Kate cleared her throat and she began speaking.

'Thank you for being here at the reading of the last will and testament of Charles Swan.' She said. 'Charles asked that you all be present. And without further ado I will start. I Charles swan, being of sound mind and body, not acting under duress or undue influence, and fully understand the nature and extent of all my property and of this disposition therof, do hereby make, publish and declare this document to be my last will and testament, and hereby revoke and and all other wills and codicils heretofore made by me.' she took a breath and continued. 'I hereby bequeath the entirety of my property portfolio to my daughter Isabella Swan.
I bequeath my ship named 'the last swan' to my best friend and businesspartner Harry clearwater
I bequeath my two vintage cars to my good friend billy Black
I bequeath my collection of baseball memorabilia in the form of a gift to the wringley field baseball park to be set up in a permanent exposition of the clubs history.
finally I hereby bequeath my holdings and ownership of the Chicago cubs baseball team to my daughter Isabella Swan. Having her take my seat on the board and take over the financial and business reposibilities involved in running the team with the help of Harry Clearwater. She alone will hold the entire holdings and be the major shareholder of the club.'

'this is bullshit!' Paul exploded.

I cringed and let out a small yelp of surprise.

Harry turned around and stared at Paul in shock.

Kate just raised a brow at him, seemingly unimpressed.

'Those shares should revert to the board and be made for sale again. You can't just give them away like this. This is absolute bullshit.' He said glaring at me.

'Mr Lahote. I would implore you to calm down please.' Kate said firmly. 'Mr Swan was well in his rights to include his majority shares and ownership of the cubs in his will. They are his property. Isabella is the rightful heir to them. Not the board.'

'this is fucking bullshit!' he repeated. 'she's a fucking girl! A stupid immature girl. She doesn't even know anything about running this club.'

And now I realized why kate had warned me, apparently she had expected this outburst. To be fiar I kind of had too. Paul was a dick. I'd known it from the first time I'd seen him. I never knew why Harry had hired him. it wasn't like he'd made the team significantly better either.

'Paul.' Harry snapped. His tone not kind.

'no, fuck you man. This was not the way this was supposed to go. I was supposed to get those shares. I was supposed to buy in.'

My eyes widened. 'have you and other board members been making deals about my fathers ownership?' I asked incredulous.

he froze. Harry suddenly stood his chair clattering to the floor loudly. 'what the fuck, Paul?'

'no… no it's not like that.' He backtracked. But everyone knew it was.

'Jesus Paul, this is low even for you.' I muttered.

'Fuck you.' he snapped at me.

Kate stepped in then. 'Mr Lahote. In the event of an outburst similar to the one you just had, I have orders to hereby relieve you of your posisiotn of manager and coach. You are hereby terminated, you will receive a serverence and will sign a non disclosure about your time here.'

His eyes blazed. 'you can't do that.'

'Actually I can. Because until this will is executed I am the overseer and interim owner of this club. Therefore I have the power to fire you, and I believe I just did. If you wish to fight the decision you may appeal the board, but I will tell you we have recorded this entire conversation, and you will not look good doing that.'

Paul seethed some more but wisely kept his mouth shut.

Harry was looking contrite as he sat back down again.

We quickly finished up and Kate asked Paul to sign the non discoloure which he grudgingly did. He also signed his termination paperwork and then was on his way before Harry or I could speak.

'I'm sorry.' Harry said the moment the door closed after him. 'I didn't know he would be such an asshole.'

I snorted. 'he always was' I muttered.

Harry shrugged. 'He didn't used to be… I think the money got to him, made him greedy for more.'

I shrugged. Not really in the mood to deal with this further. I turned to kate.

'so what does this mean?' I asked her.

'it means, Bella, that when I file this with the court and they declare it valid, you will have your father's entire estate. You'll be the new owner of the cubs.'

'when will that be?' Harry asked.

'shouldn't take too long. I'm guessing around a week.'

'what about tax?' I asked.

'yeah, you'll pay some inheritance tax. But honey, you're set for life. Your father was a good business man and his business are sound. You have a good property portfoloio that brings in cash. The cubs are doing well in tickets and sales and then there are a few business that you're now a shareholder of and boardmemeber even in some cases as well.'

My mouth dropped open trying to digest it was all mine now. I knew my father did well, and I knew most of his business dealings, but still hearing it all spoken aloud like this was quite jarring.

Kate noticed and smiled kindly. 'Just take today and tomorrow and let it all sink in, and then after the weekend we'll meet and discuss what it will mean and what will be expected of you. alright?'

I nodded and let Harry lead me out of the office again. Angela met us at the door and looked worriedly at me.

'So?' she asked.

'It's all mine.' I said, casting my eyes down. 'even the cubs.'

Angela hugged me. 'you'll do great.' She whispered in my ear. 'I believe in you.'

I smiled and hugged her back. Praying she was right.