AN As promised this next chapter goes back in time so we can see Edward's point of view from the moment Bella leaves after kissing him.

enjoy!

Chapter 40

EPOV

The night before

I stood rooted to the spot as I watched Bella leave through the back.

Heartbroken was one word for the feelings coursing through me.

Why did she run from me? Did I overstep my bounds?

But she had kissed me.

I shook my head trying to make sense of everything swirling around in there.

It had been the best kiss of my life. I knew now I would never want anyone else ever again. She was it for me. the kiss had proved that. She fit me perfectly in each and every way.

And yet she had just left me.

Ahand came down on my shoulder. I gazed up at the person slowly. It was Alice. There was concern on her face.

'Are you okay?' she asked softly.

I shrugged, not really trusting my voice to not embarrass me right now. I sat back down in the booth, grabbing my beer with both hands like it was a lifeline.

'Edward.' She sat down next to me. 'Do you like her?'

I kept my gaze on my hands as they started peeling the label from the bottle and nodded once.

'Then why are you still sitting here? Go after her.' she said fiercely.

Part of me really wanted to. It wanted to run after her and kiss her again and make her see that we belonged together, but I shook my head. 'I can't.' I said softly, my voice was listless and empty even to my own ears.

'Why not?'

'Because she told me she wasn't ready to date.' I said sighing deeply and closing my eyes to the pain that was forming in my heart and in my head. 'I can't force her.'

'But she kissed you.' Alice exclaimed confused.

I just shrugged. 'it's probably the alcohol.' I stood up and threw some money on the table. 'It's fine. We're friends. We'll go back to being friends.' I muttered, more to myself than to Alice. 'I'm going to head out.'

'Wait-'

but I was already walking away. I didn't stop to say goodbye to anyone else. Alice could make my excuses for me. I wasn't in the mood anymore to celebrate. The only person I wanted to celebrate with had just pretty much broken my heart.

And I couldn't really blame her for it. I knew she wasn't ready. I knew it.

and still I kissed her back. I shouldn't have done that.

I hailed a cab and gave him my adress, continuing to berate myself silently. When I arrived home, it was quiet and empty and I hated it. I'd asked my parents to take care of mike for the next few days, because tonight we'd celeberate the win and tomorrow we'd plannend to go to the club and I didn't want him to be home alone two nights in a row. But right now I wished he was here.

I sank down on the couch and held my head in my hands. I couldn't believe I'd been this stupid. I'd just have to grovel tomorrow and hope she wouldn't blame me for kissing her back when she'd been clear enough that she wasn't interested in dating me. this was all on me and I had to put it right.

with those thoughts filling y mind I drifted off to sleep, exhausted by the entire day, on the couch fully clothed.

When I woke up the first thing that registered was pain. I groaned and sat up slowly, trying to work the kinks out of my shoulder and neck. God that was a dumb idea. My jeans had twisted around and my shirt was hallway up my torso, adding to my discomfort. I groaned and kicked off my shoes, cursing myself silently. I should have taken a shower yesterday and taken care of my muscles.

I was an athlethe for god's sake. I shouldn't let my emotions distract me from taking care of myself. I needed to stay in shape if I wanted to help win the world series.

I sighed and dragged my sorry ass to the shower, massaging my shoulder, hoping to get the bloodflow back and the muscles relaxed again.

I took a long hot shower and made sure to really loosen up my neck and back. When I finally emerged it was noon. I grabbed my phone from where I'd discarded it last night and noticed there were a few missed calls from Emmett and Rose, but I wasn't in the mood to talk to them yet.

Alice had texted once, asking if I made it home alright. I quickly shot back a text saying that I was fine. I headed to the kitchen to make myself a large breakfast and sat down to eat with gusto. I was starving, really. I hadn't eaten much after the game, having left the party before I could have snacked on something.

When I had eaten my fill I sat down heavily behind my piano, running my fingers over the scales. Whenever I was upset or stressed my piano helped me. It calmed me down and helped me get my emotions in order.

My fingers started moving over the keys and I found myself getting swept up in the melody that was present inside my head. I tweaked it around, played with the chords until finally I found the melody that had been traipsing around in my head; conveying my pain, but also the warmth of the friendship that had started. It was a juxtaposition of feelings. Love and friendship battling each other, pain and warmth existing together. They wove and danced together in intricate patterns until finally reaching a crescendo; and then silence.

I didn't know exactly how long I sat there in the silence, feeling slightly shaken up. But my phone riniging suddenly cut through my haze, making me jump.

I got up and headed to the bedroom where I'd apparently left my phone.

'Hello?' I answered.

'Edward.' Alice greeted. 'You're coming tonight, right?'

I sighed. 'I'm not sure, Alice. I'm not really in the mood to go to a club.'

I checked my watch and saw it was already dinner time. I'd spent logner behind the piano than I'd noticed.

'Well sucks to be you. we're meeting at nine. And you better be there. Bella wanted to talk to you.'

I frowned. 'I'm not sure that's a good idea.'

'Edward. You need to be there tonight, alright?'

I sighed again. 'Alice… I'm not sure my heart can take it right now, okay. I need a little time before I see her again.'

'She's upset too Edward.' She said softly down the phone.

I groaned. Great I'd upset her. 'I don't know what to do.' I admitted softly. 'I don't want her to hurt, but I don't know if I can face her yet. I don't know if I can do it.'

'Just hear her out Edward. She wants to talk it through. You're important to her, you know.'

'she's important to me too.' I admitted softly.

'Okay, that's settled then. You'll be there at nine, and wear that green shirt I got you last week, it'll look good on you.'

I shook my head. You had to love my sister when she was like this. Sometimes her bulldozing tendencies were annoying, but I knew it came from the best place.

So that's how I found myself at the club at nine. The crowd was already gathering outside and I wondered why I had agreed to come after all. I didn't want to be here, I just wanted to wallow for a little while. But I took a deep breath and headed to the door anyway. I guess getting it over with was as good as anything. Perhaps if we could get past this sooner it would be easier. At least that was the hope I was clinging to.

I didn't even need to give my name to the bouncer, he just wove me through as the few paps that had gathered outside snapped my picture furiously. They were throwing out congratulations and other things. A few were even being bold enough to ask where Bella was. I just gave them a smile and a wave and headed inside.

I scanned the crowd for a moment as I stood just inside the dooropening. It was packed, but Alice had been right. This place catered to the rich and famous. I noticed half the team was here, plus a few of the rich donors that frequented the games often when we played home. There were high society young girls letting loose on the dance floor. And there were even a few celebrities that were probably passing through.

Alice had been thorough. Bella would definitely be safe here.

I headed to the bar and ordered a whiskey straight up. I had a feeling I would need it tonight.

Emmett found me moments later and clapped me on the back affectionately.

'Where did you disappear to last night?' he asked loudly, to be heard over the music.

I shrugged. 'wasn't feeling great.' I gave as a reply.

He regarded me for a moment and then nodded. 'make sure to rest up then, can't have you getting sick at the start of the season.'

I grinned at him and shook my head. 'I wouldn't dare'

'good.' He sipped his own drink as we surveyed the club for a moment. After a little while Emmett nudged me and pointed his beer in the direction of the dance floor.

'I don't know about you, but I think It's time we headed over there.' he yelled at me.

I followed his gaze and my heart stopped in my chest.

There on the dancefloor was Bella, dancing her heart out with Alice and Rose. She was wearing a skin tight dress that reached mid thigh. It was a vibrant blue and clung to her in all the right places. My mouth suddenly felt dry and I couldn't tear my gaze away from her.

Emmett pushed off from the bar and set off through the crowd. I gazed after him with envy as he wrapped his arms around Rose and started grinding on her, without any fear or inhibition. I wanted to do that. I grit my teeth. I had already been rejected once, I wasn't sure I could do it again.

'She's waiting for you, you know.' Jasper's voice broke through my reverie. I started seeing him standing net to me suddenly.

'when did you get here?'

'a while ago.' He grinned. 'you've just been too absorbed to notice much else.'

I grinned sheepishly at having been caught. 'I don't know if I can go to her.' I admitted to him.

'why not?'

'how much did Alice tell you?' I asked, cocking a brow at him.

'everything.' He said with a shrug.

I rolled my eyes. Of course. 'well, then you already know why I can't just go up to her and start dancing, even though it want to.'

'what if she wants it too?'

'she was pretty clear last night that she didn.t'

'didn't Alice tell you she wanted to talk to you?'

'talking and dancing are two very different things, Jasper.' I sighed. Why was this so hard to understand for everybody?

Jasper grinned. 'in this case, I don't really think so. If I were you I would get my ass over there before one of those guys makes a move.' He said indicating to the dancefloor.

I flowed his gaze and there was indeed a man inching his way closer to Bella, his eyes firmly on her ass.

I was across the floor in a matter of moments, I could hear Jaspers faint chuckle trailing after me, but I didn't care right now. All I cared about was putting myself between that man's vile gaze and Bella's unwawre body.

I stepped up behind her, effectively cutting the other guy off, and put my hands on her hips, pulling her against my chest as I let the beat move my body, guiding her along. Her arms trailed up and started caressing my skin, trailing over my hair, my face, my arms. Especially my arms.

The sensations she was invoking in me were messing with my mind and before I knew what I was doing I was leaning close to her ear and telling her how amazing she looked as I let my lips caress her earlobe. She spun around in my arms.

'Edward' I could barely hear her over the loud music, but suddenly I was thankful for it, as I leant in closer. 'When did you get here?'

'Not long ago.' I told her. Just long enough to see you drive everyone in hear completely crazy with your body. I thought to myself, but quickly pushed those thoughts away

'I'm sorry!' she suddenly blurted out. 'For last night.'

'Ah' I felt the smile drop from my face and carefully tried to hide the pain that was creeping in. she really wanted to do this now? I groaned internally and then took a small step back from her, putting some space between us. It was clear she regretted last night, so she probably wouldn't appreciate me being all up in her business. 'no problem. We can just pretend it didn't happen.'

She frowned up at me, an adorable confused look on her face. 'what?'

'I'm sorry too you know. I didn't mean to take advantage or anything. If you'd rather just forget it, that's fine I mean we're friends right?'

'Edward.' Her fingers pressed to my lips. 'I'm not sorry it happened. I'm apologizing for running away from you afterwards.'

Shock rooted me to the spot as hope suddenly bloomed in my chest so hard it almost hurt. I didn't want to hope, part of me feared I was interpreting her wrongly and I didn't want to get myself hurt again. but the way she was looking up at me, had hope springing to my chest regardless.

'I'm so sorry for not realizing sooner what I was doing to you. I never meant to hurt you.'

'Bella.' I tried to cut in, I wanted to assure her that I knew what I was doing. that she hadn't really hurt me – well, last night had hurt, but I couldn't blame her exactly. I had been a willing participant.

'I'm sorry I did that to you yesterday. I don't ever want you to think that I regret kissing you.'

'you don't?' I asked the hope settling firmly in my chest.

She nodded. 'in fact… I've been wanting to do this for a while now.' before I realized what was happening she had her arms around my neck, her body pressed tightly to mine and her lips fused to my own.

I couldn't believe it. for a moment I was frozen, then my body kicked in. my arms wrapped around her, crushing her against me as my tongue found its way into her mouth, stroking and exploring every crevice. She tasted just as good as I remembered. Perhaps even better because this time I knew she wanted this as much as me.

We didn't stop there. before I knew it we were back at my place, and she was underneath me in my bed. It was all of my wildest fantasies come true.

The sex was even more mindblowing, but afterwards when she had finally fallen asleep I laid looking at her in wonder.

Could this really be happening? I couldn't really believe it. I watched her sleep in my arms, her face serene and relaxed as she lay curled against me. I stroked her cheek softly wanting to treasure every moment with her.

It was deep in the night when her sleep grew restless. She moved against me, starting to mumble quietly in her sleep. Did Bella sleep talk? Suddenly I was wide awake and I looked at her with interest.

'Edward.' She mumbled and my heart soared. Was she dreaming of me? Could it be?

'I want you.' she muttered next and I clutched her closer to me, feeling her soft body relax against me.

'Please don't go.' And then I felt my heart break slightly.

It seemed Bella was still unsure of me. If she was pleading for me to stay with her in her dream, there was clearly a part of her that feared I would leave her. perhaps it was to do with everything she'd lived through. She'd pretty much lost all the people close to her. it was a realisitc fear in that sense. I held her tighter against me, burying my nose in her hair.

'I'm not going anywhere, Bella.' I whispered in her ear, hoping somehow my words would register. 'I'll always be here for you.'