I own nothing.
The Two Princes of Hogwarts
-Chapter Twelve:
Vincent stared at their patient in shock. He glanced at Potter, but the other man's face was buried in his hands. Next to him, Poppy had her fingers clenched over the bridge of her nose. Vincent looked back at their patient.
"Sorry?" the student slurred through a mouthful of altered teeth. The cat ears sticking out of the top of her head twitched.
"How?" Vincent asked. No, that was intellectually lazy. He needed a theory. Poppy had expectations for him "Is this an attempted anima. . ."
"Polyjuice potion," Harry interrupted flatly. "The person you wanted has a cat. You got the wrong hairs"
"How do you know that?" Poppy asked suspiciously. "Wait, didn't this happen to. . ." She trailed off and her jaw clenched. "We will speak of this later." Harry's eyes clenched shut and he let out a long sigh.
"I was just trying it out," the seventh year Hufflepuff insisted. "It sounded fun and I was going to prank my boyfriend."
"Sure. I totally believe that and I don't want or need to hear anything else," Harry insisted.
"But. . ."
"No!" Harry insisted. "Anything more is unnecessary for your care. Where did you even get a Polyjuice potion? Those things are a pain to make. We haven't even been here long enough to try."
"There's this shop in Hogsmeade," the woman answered. "It's a little sketchy, but. . ."
"God damn it Sal," Harry growled.
"Another man I'm going to have to have words with," Poppy grumbled. "Go lay down and don't make a sound."
"Yes ma'am," the girl squeaked before fleeing to the beds. Poppy turned, glacially slowly, to glare at Harry. The Boy Who Lived kept his eyes fixed on the far wall, though a sweat did break out on his forehead. The tension was broken as the door to the infirmary burst open. They all turned, expecting some new emergency only to be confronted by none other than Rita Skeeter.
"Hello Darlings! Did you miss me?"
"Like a brain tumor," Harry said blankly.
"Ah, such a kidder," Rita said happily as she dragged a camera man into the room.
"There will be no recording. . ." Poppy began.
"It's fine Darling!" Rita interrupted and the healer's eyes went hard. "I'm just here to get a few snaps of Harry's hand for tomorrow's issue. I suppose I could have sent one of my reporters," the woman giggled, "but I just had to get myself involved!"
"I. . ." Poppy began. "Actually, I'm okay with that."
"My hand?" Harry asked.
"Of course," Rita said as she stormed over and seized him by the wrist. "Horrible Darling. Just horrible. The people will be outraged. It'll be so amazing!"
"Wait, your reporters?" Poppy asked.
"The Daily Prophet is mine Darling," Rita stated. "The last chief editor made a little mistake with a letter from the Governors. She's graciously apologized and stepped down. She even wrote a nice little piece apologizing to Harry for that little mix up about his medicine and had a whole page devoted to mental health!" Poppy glanced at Harry.
"Granger?"
"She wanted heads on pikes at first, but we talked her down," he said as he was dragged over to a desk and had his hand planted down.
"Fingers curled Darling. No need to see those ugly marks."
"Those are actually. . ."
"Hideous Darling, simply hideous," Rita interrupted. The woman pushed Harry's sleeve up revealed ever more scars on his arm. "Ooh! Don't suppose we could get that top off, could we?"
"You could not," Harry said firmly.
"Oh well!" Rita wasn't even fazed. "Now, lots of pictures and remember that muggle camera too. We had a devil of a time keeping him in place last year!"
(:ii:)
Draco glanced up as the portal to the Slytherin common room opened and his associate stepped in. "Vincent. How went the infirmary?" The taciturn man hesitated for a moment before nodding to himself.
"Potter and his friends have used Polyjuice potion before," he said simply. Draco just about fell off the easy chair he was in. Vincent rarely ever gave any real updates on his medical duties, usually citing patient confidentiality.
"I see." Draco glanced around the common room, but most were already in their dorms. He turned back to Vicent. "Elaborate?" While he felt he knew little of the man's character, he did know that the man only spoke when he had something to say.
"There was a situation that Potter recognized as a Polyjuice potion accident involving animal hairs," Vincent said slowly. "I couldn't recall any of their usual goings on involving such a situation, do you?" Draco cast his mind back.
"No. I can't say I do," he admitted. "What are you getting at Vincent?"
"There was a time in Second Year that Gregory and I were attacked," Vincent stated. "We were unconscious for a few hours, but we thought it was revenge or some kind of prank, but. . ."
"You think they turned into you and Gregory," Draco finished.
"You'd never be able to prove it," Vincent stated firmly.
"They don't know that I can't prove it," Draco stated with a chuckle after a moment of thinking. "Oh, I must find some way of dropping a hint and see how they react. Impersonation like that is a felony in this country and I doubt they could justify it." Draco was already grinning. "This is a solid get out of jail free card."
"If you can convince them that you know and can prove it," Vincent rumbled.
"Granger and Lovegood are probably a wash, but Potter and Weasley run hot immediately," Draco noted. "They would panic and get aggressive, but they would be too distracted to think clearly. I'm sure whatever story they would spin for the other two would get them on board." Vincent grunted and nodded his agreement.
Draco just kept smiling as he leaned back in his chair.
(:ii:)
Tuesday morning began with a bang as every table at breakfast was soon covered in letters. "I feel like this has something to do with Skeeter," Harry stated.
"Yes," Hermione hissed as she tapped her steepled fingers together before breaking down into giggles. She didn't even notice as her copy of the Daily Prophet landed in front of her. Harry picked it up and almost dropped it immediately.
"Harry?" Ron ventured.
"Corporal punishment is back at Hogwarts. Is your child next?" Harry read. He flipped it around to show the headline and the picture of his hand under it to Ron and Luna. "They brought back corporal punishment. I thought the Board of Governors got rid of it."
"They what?" Hermione squawked, shocked back to reality by his words. She snatched up the paper and began reading furiously.
"They. . .did?" Ron ventured. "Didn't they?"
"They absolutely did," Luna replied from where she was reading over Hermione's shoulder.
"Did they change their minds?" Harry asked.
"They did not," Hermione stated, her eyes still darting back and forth. She did not provide any more information Harry glanced at Ron and the taller young man rolled her eyes. Her desire for people to ask her questions was starting to get a little. . .fetishistic.
"Who changed it?" Harry asked finally.
"The Minister of Magic," Luna cut in before Hermione could, causing the curly haired witch to pout.
"Can he do that?" Harry asked.
"I don't know. I don't think a Minister of Magic has ever tried," Hermione admitted. "I don't actually know if there are rules against this. No one would have ever expected the Minister of Magic to decide that he was in charge of Hogwarts. This is unprecedented."
"While I wish I could enjoy your existential crisis more, what the fuck is happening?" Ron demanded. "This is insane." A giant owl touched down between the bacon and the sausages with a letter on each leg. Harry untiled both and opened one.
"Amos says that this is only the beginning and to be on guard," Harry read. He opened the second letter. "Lie says "HAHAHAHAHA." Harry flipped over the letter. "Yeah. It's just HAHA in all caps on both sides. . .written in very nice cursive too with just enough variance that it's not one of those auto-quills. He might be a psychopath."
"Glad he's on our side," Hermione mumbled.
"I though Sal was the one trained to overthrow democratic governments," Ron commented.
"Does the Minister of Magic questionably legally overstepping his bounds to overturn a school's governing board seem democratic to you?" Hermione shot back.
"So," Harry said suddenly. "You know, I was talking to Amalie and, while the paperwork is extensive, we can transfer to Beauxbatons. Even Ron speaks French good enough."
"I had to travel through France to get to Romania," Ron countered. "The Parisians made it very clear that that wasn't true."
"French people don't speak good enough French for Parisians," Harry shot back. A hand landed heavily on his shoulder and he turned to see Neville staring at him. "Hey Nev."
"And where do you think you're going?" the Longbottom scion demanded.
"Uh. . .nowhere?" Harry ventured.
"Good," Neville stated. "You need to fix this mess."
"This mess?" Harry demanded. "I'm fifteen! You want me to fix whatever the hell is happening with the government? Nev, I don't even understand what the government is! I can't even vote."
"Not understanding what is happening hasn't stopped you before," Neville stated. Harry stared long and hard at his indentured friend.
"Neville, you are asking me to do things that you would get mad at me for doing," he said firmly. "That isn't fair." Neville took a long breath and let it out as a longer sigh.
"Fine," he growled finally, "but if you flee this bullshit, there is nowhere you can go that I will not find you." With that he stormed out of the Great Hall.
"Wow," a new voice announced. They turned to see Cedric standing near their table. "I've heard the legends, but I am now reevaluating the most dangerous student at Hogwarts. Longbottoms. They're usually the ones burning everything down, not the ones ordering others to do it."
"Neville is special like that," Harry said defensively.
"Sure," Cedric replied. "So, my dad is here with Lie and Arkin's dad and they want to talk to all of you. Follow me. Meeting your solicitor might be one of the only things you're still allowed to do here. . .for now."
"My dad?" Arkin squeaked.
"Chap about this tall," Cedric stated as he raised a hand well over a foot and a half above his own head, "arms like a troll, nasty scar on his nose. Very happy smile and keeps pulling out baby photos of you."
"Yeah," Arkin managed. "That's him."
(:ii:)
Harry wasn't sure what he was expecting when Cedric opened the door, but a man in a very expensive suit rising from a chair to tower over all of them wasn't the first thing. "Dad!" Arkin yelped, before sprinting at the giant. The man scooped him up and swung him around, narrowly missing the ceiling.
"Wow," Ron stated.
"I know, right?" Lie asked. "Why are all the good men taken?"
"They aren't, you just spend too much time in the office," Amos stated in annoyance. He turned on the rest. "Well, this has been an. . .eventful few days."
"Mister Diggory," Harry replied, happily shaking the man's hand.
"Amos," the Diggory patriarch corrected in annoyance.
"Lie," Harry added as he shook the other man's hand. He turned to the last man. "Uh. . .Mister O'Brien." The giant man let out a, surprisingly, joyous laugh and seized Harry's hand with a hand that engulfed his own.
"Liam," he corrected before shaking everyone else's hands. "My son's friends can call me that."
"Mister O'Brien," Ron stated, raising his head from his own six foot plus frame to stare at the man.
"Very well," Liam replied. "I don't want to intrude on your meeting. I'm just using this as an excuse to see how my son is doing since my wife got to do it last time. I can step out if you'd like."
"That's not necessary Mister O'Brien," Hermione replied quickly. They quickly arranged themselves into the provided chairs with Arkin balancing on his father's knee and desperately trying to look like he was annoyed despite his joy. Hermione decided to break the ice. "How the hell is this happening? Does the Minister have the authority to do this?"
"How much do you know?" Amos asked.
"He revoked the Board of Governors' decision on corporal punishment," Luna stated.
"He's done. . .much. . .much more than that," Amos stated. "I'll get a list ready for you. What's in the paper today is just what we decided to go with first for maximum damage. We'll release more at the right times."
"As you know by now, Umbridge is now the Hogwarts High Inquisitor," Lie stated. "I'm sure you're very curious exactly what that is." Harry and his friends glanced at each other.
"We just. . .kind of figured she was going to torture Harry," Ron admitted. The adults looked at each other awkwardly.
"Well," Amos said finally. "Actually, no."
"Actually, kind of yes," Lie corrected, "but not directly anyway."
"Her role is to enforce a series of educational decrees that the Minister has not publicly announced," Amos stated. "The return of corporal punishment is one of these decrees."
"How many are there?" Hermione asked.
"Lots and growing," Lie stated. "Like I said, we'll get you a list when we finish making copies. Another decree is a very loose definition of contraband. As your solicitor, anything you have that you weren't told by the school to bring, you should keep her from finding it."
"Does that include my broom?" Harry asked. Lie and Amos looked at each other.
"We'll get back to you on that," Amos stated, "but if she demands your broom, I want you to demand a receipt. Take note of the condition of your broom and have her sign off on it."
"What model is it?" Lie asked.
"It's a Firebolt," Harry stated. Both men went wide eyed.
"Oh," Lie stated after a moment. "That is a lot of money." He glanced at Amos. "Can we go after her as an agent of the government if she takes it? She still works for the ministry as far as I know. Government confiscation of private property is always a hot button."
"We'll talk about that later," Amos replied. "I also want to draw up some airtight receipts for the students to use on her." He took a deep breath. "Another decree is that Umbridge is now in charge of student healthcare." Harry's jaw dropped. "Yeah."
"I take it, Madame Pomfrey has not been informed?" he ventured.
"She has not," Amos confirmed. "We were hoping to catch her before she found out. We actually invited. . ." There was a knock at the door. "Does she do that on purp. . ."
"Yes," Harry interrupted. The door opened and the school healer stepped into the room.
"What is it and how much am I going to hate it?" she demanded.
"Good to see you Poppy," Lie announced with a bright grin. The woman's face dropped.
"Oh God," she whispered. "Who's dying?"
"You might want to sit down," Amos stated. He glanced at Harry. "Are you comfortable with her being present in a meeting between yourself and your solicitors?"
"Completely," Harry reported immediately.
"Okay, don't get mad," Lie stated. Poppy's terrified expression immediately went livid. "Oops. Too late. Anyway, just hear us out and promise you won't leave the room until. . ."
"Speak," the healer ordered.
"Umbridge is in charge of student healthcare," Lie said quickly. Harry lunged and managed to catch Poppy by her arm as she shot to her feet.
"Harry!"
"Please!" he begged quickly. "I don't know what this is, but can we just hear them out? I trust them." Poppy stared into his eyes for a long moment before sitting back down. The last Potter released her arm, but scootched his chair until it was between her and the door.
"We think this is aimed at Harry's medication," Amos explained. "We don't think she's actually going to interfere with any of the other students."
"One of my students is too many," Poppy hissed.
"Ooh, I like her," Liam rumbled.
"We need another flask of Harry's medication," Amos continued. "We want Harry to provoke her and have a flask confiscated. Then we're going to have the Prophet rake her over the coals. We need an excuse." Poppy took a long breath and seemed to force herself to relax.
"Do you think she's deliberately trying to cause Harry to have an outburst?" she asked. The two solicitors looked at each other.
"Not to underestimate an enemy, but we really think she's just petty," Lie admitted. "Having you defy her successfully just gave her a grudge."
"We need real world actions Poppy," Amos added. "Until there are consequences, all of these decrees are just words on paper to most people."
"That's why Harry's hand was in the Prophet," Ron said in realization. "People need to see."
"Exactly," Amos stated.
"Yet she is still here," Poppy commented. Amos and Lie looked at each other again and the Diggory patriarch sighed. He turned to Harry.
"Harry, for the entire summer Fudge has been positioning you in the public eye. . ."
"People think I deserved a bad punishment, don't they?" Harry interrupted. The adults in the room were silent and he led out a mirthless chuckle. "Yeah. The public always turns on me in the end."
"Well, now we own the Prophet and the public will get to hear our truth," Amos stated. Harry went to comment, but felt a finger prod his middle. He glanced to his side and saw Hermione studying him shrewdly.
"Can I help you?"
"You've put on weight," the witch stated.
"Have not!" Harry insisted. He prodded his own stomach and found much more hard muscle than soft fat. "Well, maybe a pound or two. That's not a big deal. I had a great summer partying, but I kept working out." Hermione's eyes narrowed further and she wandered back to her chair. "I'm not going to like this, am I?"
"Certainly not," she stated.
"Then why should I do it?"
"Because you will," Hermione explained simply. The implied "or else" didn't need to be said.
"She's just like my wife," Liam stated fondly. Harry turned back to his solicitors, but they looked just as confused as him.
"So," Lie began slowly. "That's the plan. When she does it, we want you to have her sign this." Lie handed over a folded parchment that Harry opened. "It's a receipt acknowledging that she is knowingly confiscating a medicine. Don't hand over your flask unless she signs it. I know children can be intimidated by. . ."
"I'll make sure," Harry interrupted. Lie stared at him for a moment before nodding at whatever he saw.
"Alright. Next, we want you to send us a message on this scroll." He handed over a role of parchment. "It's certified confidential with anti-tamper charms." He turned to Poppy. "We kind of can't do this if you storm into her office and terrify her into giving it back."
"Fine," Poppy spat. "I will speak with Minerva and a select few other professors about this and explain that they should. . .allow this to happened.
"Thank you," Lie said in relief.
"As soon as this is all handled, I will talk to that woman," Poppy hissed.
"Talk all you want, but she's mine," Harry corrected, causing all present to look at him and Ron to kick him in the shin.
"What?" Poppy demanded.
"What?" Harry repeated, immediately plastering a grin on his face.
"What did you say?" Poppy almost yelled.
"What," Harry answered happily. "Anyway, I have classes to get to." The open window in the room suddenly slammed shut. By the time they looked back, Harry was already gone.
"Why can't he ever think before he says anything?" Hermione groaned.
"Skeeter," Luna stated. The other witch convulsed as she tried not to laugh. Ron let out an annoyed groan and threw her over his shoulder.
"Sorry, but we actually do need to get to class."
(:ii:)
Liam couldn't help but laugh as his son and his friends evacuated the room in an orderly and rapid method. "Well, they are certainly colorful."
"That's a word for it," Lie admitted.
"If you'll excuse me, I need to get back to the hospital wing." The door was slammed shut almost at the same time that Poppy finished speaking.
"Oh, why am I being thrown back into the Troubles?" Liam groaned. "You people have magic, why is this such a problem?"
"Because humans always manage to find a reason to discriminate against each other," Amos stated as he organized his papers.
"Well," Liam began, "I do not make this offer lightly, but if it will aide my son and his friends, if you need someone to handle some dirty business, I may know a few hard men from my days in the Marines."
"Marines?" Lie asked. He glanced at Amos. "Didn't Sal have something to do with the Marines?"
"He was one," Amos stated.
"Sal?" Liam sputtered in shock. "Sal, guy with a mohawk that looks like he could beat a lion to death and eat it's heart?"
"I usually say dragon," Amos stated. Liam's head rocked back as he let a noise that was somehow exasperated and annoyed at the same time.
"Concussion induced hallucination my ass!" he announced in what wasn't a roar, but still shook the room. "I knew I got shot and I knew that when I woke up, he was waving a stick at me."
"Oh, you know Sal," Amos said happily.
"I am going to beat him bloody!"
"Good news!" Amos announced. "Lie and I are heading into Hogsmeade for brunch and Sal has a shop there."
"We are?" Lie asked in confusion.
"We are now," Amos said happily.
"Didn't you kind of serve with him in SPIE?" Lie ventured.
"Why yes. Yes, I did. I spent years covering for those raucous spell slingers," Amos answered with a happy smile. "The paperwork stretched to the ceiling. I missed Cedric's first steps because Sal blew up the ancestral home of the Yaxley!" Lie flinched back from the man.
"Hufflepuffs."
"I don't know what that is," Liam admitted, "but I know exactly what you mean."
(:ii:)
Sal heard the bell at his shop ring as the door opened. Well, there wasn't actually a bell, just a spell that played a bell sound when the door opened. He touched the wards and smiled as he saw two familiars and one unfamiliar. "Hey Amos. I'm at the counter." The three people emerged from the stacks of shelves and Sal's smile dropped. "Hey Liam."
"Hallucinated!" the large man rumbled.
"Okay," Sal admitted, holding his hands up in placation and climbing to his feet. "I lied. I did save your life after you were shot. . .multiple times. You have to understand, there are rules about telling non-magical people about magic and I probably broke those rules when I saved your life. Plus, I lie to everyone. Why would you be special?" He paused and actually studied the situation. "Wait. Why are with them?"
"Arkin is at Hogwarts," Liam stated. Sal gasped in shock.
"Congratulations!"
"He's friends with Harry Potter and his whole group." Sal's stomach dropped.
"I love those kids, but any chance Arkin could kind of. . .un-friend himself. . ."
"You know how he is," Liam stated. Sal sighed and rubbed his forehead.
"Too smart by half, couldn't make friends with children his own age annnnnnnd probably attracted the attention of Hermione," he stated. "How deep is he in with them?"
"Best friends," Amos stated. That meant much more than most could comprehend when it came from a Hufflepuff. Sal groaned.
"God. I need to start making a vest then I need to start training him on how to defend himself and then I need to. . ."
"Actually, John Dawlish just took over as the defense professor," Amos interrupted.
"That's nice," Sal stated. "Dawlish is a professional. He's such a professional that he's never had to chuck a rock at someone, charge them while they're distracted and then stab them until they stop being cross about it."
"Potter and his friends are into situations like that?" Liam asked.
"Yeah," Sal stated. The larger man sighed.
"Well, too late now," Liam replied. "Now, I think we need to find somewhere quiet to hash out our disagreements." Sal balked at that. He was a bad man, but Liam had bucked all normal conventions about being an officer and become the baddest man in a platoon of Royal Marine Commandos. Charging up a hill screaming with a belly full of lead and a machinegun in his hands was notable even amongst the hardest of the hard.
"Well, you know, this is the magical world and we don't. . ."
"He has a basement," Amos interrupted. "He definitely has his wand."
"Amos!" Sal sputtered.
"Cedric's. . .first. . .steps," the Diggory patriarch stated slowly.
"When do you Hufflepuffs finally let go of a grudge!" Sal cried.
"Never."
"Now about that basement," Liam added. "We need to talk about how you've been gaslighting me for about a decade and having far too much fun doing it. You can leave your twig on the counter."
-End
(:ii:)
Author's drunken rambles. Poor Sal. He really did act with the best intentions. Unfortunately, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Also, trying to do the right thing in the military is never actually doing the right thing according to the bosses. Trust me. I know. Also, he probably shouldn't have mocked Liam for his "hallucinations" as much as he did. Especially not in front of their friends.
Sooo, met up with a friend to do some drinking for the first time in a long time. He had just bought some fancy new lighter and I was figuring out how to fuel it. Yeah. Alcohol, a lighter and lighter fluid. Lit my hand on fire.
According to my buddy, he had just gotten up and heard me say "damn it" in the most irritated tone. He turned, expecting me to have knocked over my drink and instead, I'm sitting there staring at my flaming hand in annoyance.
How the fuck old am I? Kids do shit like that. I'm not supposed to be ending up in situations like that anymore. I'm middle aged. When a man makes it this far, he's supposed to die by nature, himself or someone else. Not by getting drunk and setting himself on fire trying to figure out how a forever match works.
Oh, don't worry. Just ended up with a small second degree burn on my ring finger. Still don't know how that happened. Well, I mean obvious I know, but why just a small second degree on the first segment my ring finger? It seems so random. My whole hand was on fire and I manage to get one small blister on a middle finger.
Dafuq? What kind of fluid dynamic software would I have to get to explain that?
LONG OMAKE
Harry and Albus both managed a smile as they watched Igor and Viktor make their way from the Great Lake to where they stood. Harry managed to keep it until he caught sight of Viktor's face and the struggle he was having not to begin giggling.
"Shut up Viktor," he snapped preemptively. That just seemed to amuse Igor all the more.
"Head Master!" he announced in greeting before glancing at Albus. "And Albus."
"Good afternoon," Albus returned. "Welcome back to the Tri Wizard Tournament.
"How?" Viktor demanded.
"How Head Master," Harry corrected peevishly.
"How Head Master?" Viktor recited without pause.
"They voted. I lost."
"That I have less problem with believing than this," Igor commented, waving a hand at Albus. "How the hell did you end up the Defense professor?"
"I didn't run fast enough," Albus said cheerfully. "Can't believe he was quick witted enough to remember he could press gang people without Hermione around to think of it for him."
"You didn't think I'd remember how I ended up teaching at this blasted school?" Harry hissed in annoyance.
"We all make mistakes," Albus answered pleasantly.
"I must say, this is the happiest I've seen you in. . .decades Albus," Igor commented.
"I always was happier teaching," Albus admitted. "Well, that and you would not believe the thrill I get dodging murder attempts. It really gets the blood rushing and gets me out of bed in the morning. Occasionally because my bed bursts into flames, but the sentiment is the same." They were momentarily drowned out as the Beauxbatons carriage roared by overhead and met the ground with a clash. Hagrid hurriedly straightened his bowtie and made a beeline over to them. They watched as Olympe emerge and began storming towards them.
"She seems agitated." Viktor commented.
"I wonder why?" Albus pondered. Harry figured it out as a body slammed into his. "Oh." He sighed and looked down at the stunning blonde smiling up at him.
"Hey Gabby. How have you been?"
"Getting closer to being legal in this country in a few months," she purred. "That's how I've been."
"That's nice," Harry stated as he patted her head. "Aren't you going to ask if I still have a girlfriend?"
"Nope," she said in her smokey voice that a lady as young as her really shouldn't have had. "I just found out recently that Amalie is a compromise I'm willing to make." Harry felt an eyebrow rise at that.
"By that you mean. . ."
"Fleur had a few too many drinks and mentioned your birthday," Gabrielle said smugly. Now both Harry's eyes widened. The others were silent for a moment.
"You and Amalie took up Fleur on her threesome offer?" Viktor suddenly sputtered.
"No!" Harry insisted. "I mean. . .no we didn't take her up on her offer. We just kind of bumped into her when we were in Lyon for my birthday. We ended up having dinner together and things kind of. . .happened?" The three men stared at him for a long moment before Albus raised a hand and rested it on his shoulder with a proud nod. Igor did the same on his opposite shoulder. Viktor nodded solemnly.
Game recognized game.
"Things can kind of. . .happen with me too," Gabrielle pointed out as she coyly drew shapes on his chest with a finger.
"Not for a few months they can't," Harry countered. "Wait. That did not come out right."
"I think it came out perfectly," Gabrielle corrected.
"Young lady! You unhand the Head Master this instant!" Olympe rumbled as she peeled the blonde off of Harry and help her up by the scruff of her robes so she could glare at her.
"Just making plans for later Madame Maxime," Gabrielle stated guilelessly as she used her arms to keep herself from spinning. The large woman sighed and just tucked her student under one arm.
"Sorry about that Head Master," Olympe stated.
"Not a problem Madame Maxine," Harry returned politely. "I doubt there's anything anyone could have done to stop her."
"There is no stopping me!" Gabrielle announced. Her legs kicked as she began cackling. "Whoa!" Olympe gave her a few good shakes to make sure she got the point and settled down.
"Veela," she groaned. "Be glad they're rare around you."
"That is discrimination!" Gabrielle declared. She got a couple more shakes for that.
"Well," Harry said, trying to bring some professionalism to this mess, "as the Head Master of Hogwarts, allow me to welcome all of you. Please join us for a feast. Albus, please see them in. I'm going to go look up locking charms."
"Try a cold forged iron lock with security pins," Olympe stated. "Magic won't work. Sal probably has a few."
"Hey!" Gabby protested. She got another brisk shaking for that.
"Of course you know Sal," Harry groaned. "Anyway, thank you. I'll look into that."
"Clam jammer!" Gabby howled. The shaking she got for that one was anything but brisk.
-End
(:ii:)
No. No, I am not going to look up if a future Tri Wizard aligns with Gabrielle's last year. No, I am not going to look up exactly what Gabrielle's age is to see if it fits.
This is CRACK damn it!
I am a crack author.
Why are you trying to have standards for me?
Also, until further notice I think this is the last Professor Potter one.
Also, HOLY FUCKING SHIT I BURNT THE SAME DAMN FINGER WHILE SMOKING A CIGAR. TWO SECOND DEGREE BURNS ON ONE FINGER. DAFUQ? HOW?
Am I secretly masochistic and doing this on purpose subconsciously?