YIN AND YANG

CHAPTER 4:

TAKEOVER BID

"I can't believe you guys are doin' this," Officer Aaron Cash said, looking around the plants in the vast space, like a jungle. "This feels more like rewarding her, not punishing her."

Harry, under his guise as Yang, sighed. "True, but there's a few reasons why we're doing this. One, Ivy's been complaining lately about her children 'screaming'. She seems to think Doctor Young's responsible. The more she's like that, the less cooperative she'll be with you guys, right? So this is more to make her cooperative, by giving her controlled access to plants, but with wards preventing any plants from attacking anyone who does enter, or any equipment."

Cash nodded. "I guess. And the other reasons?"

"Ivy's one of the few supercriminals who shows any empathy towards humans, albeit mostly towards children. Adults, she mostly thinks are a lost cause, but you know about what she did in Robinson Park during that earthquake. Give her an environment where she can thrive, but still be confined and controlled, and it might help. It also means that, if we have a communications set up in here, she can attend therapy sessions remotely. That saves your guards and your shrinks from having to deal with her in person, just in case she uses her pheromones. We also have cameras on the only exit, warded against damage. The room itself has runes and wards that will last for decades unless Ivy attacks them, and if she does, the room will instantly collapse into its original dimensions. It'll probably not kill her, but she'll end up confined to a relatively small space with her plants. And she'll have a tracking charm on her. She won't be monitored all the time for her privacy via cameras, but you'll be able to track where she is through the security system. It also dampens her influence over the plants outside this area. Finally, if she needs someone to actually attend to her, then the wards will prevent her pheromones or plants from attacking them. I hope. Yin's work is pretty good."

"You turned this part of the Botanical Gardens into a TARDIS," Cash remarked, looking around the room. "I just hope you're able to make it secure along with what we managed to install. Sharp ain't happy."

"Even though he isn't paying for it?"

"He doesn't like Ivy. Neither do I, frankly, but he really hates her guts for some reason. Then again, the way he looks at some inmates…of course, considering the Batman's given you the A-OK on this, I'll roll with it. Any other inmates you're going to give the cushy treatment to?"

"Not really. Unless Victor Fries ends up here again. Maybe Harley Quinn. I mean, she was good once, she can be again," Harry said.

"Who knows?" The door to what amounted to a small indoor jungle opened, and a group of guards and doctors wheeled through what looked like a glass coffin. Within was Poison Ivy. While she wasn't wearing her usual outfit of a leafy swimsuit, her current clothing was even more provocative, consisting of little more than an Arkham Asylum prison shirt, only buttoned up just enough to preserve some small decency for her breasts, and what looked like panties grown from leaves. She looked a little irritated. "Okay, we'll be getting out, you two. But make sure she understands the ground rules, and those helmets had better filter out those pheromones like you claimed, Yang."

Harry nodded, with the escort of Poison Ivy leaving. Luna, who had been making final adjustments, skipped over. "Hey, Ivy. Ready for your new home away from home?"

Ivy scowled at her, and said, "Just let me out, Yin."

"Oh, be nice," Luna said, pouting from behind her helmet. She then opened the lid, and Ivy clambered out. As she did so, she blinked, and then looked around.

It looked like a jungle in miniature, all sorts of plants around. True, most of them were not actually that exotic, and were actually chosen because they were either fruit-bearing, or else not readily influenced by Ivy's powers. But it certainly would seem that way to a woman imprisoned usually in a special isolation chamber in the Green Mile of the Penitentiary of Arkham. There was also a small shed, with a bed, basic washing and hygiene facilities, and a chair. The space was actually a few square kilometres, easily the size of Robinson Park. "What is this?"

"Your new home. You're still in solitary confinement, but you're in a now secure room within the Botanical Gardens, expanded and secured with security both mundane and magical. Then again, with your plants, it's not exactly solitary confinement," Harry said.

Ivy then remarked, a little acidly, "How kind. And I know humans don't do such things without expecting anything in exchange."

"Causing less trouble for Arkham's staff is all we want, and all they want," Harry said. "Plus, if you behave, we can get you access to plants you may not have heard of. Like Devil's Snare."

Ivy snorted. "Do you think me naïve? I know of the magicals and their plants. Not as many as I would like, to be sure, but they've never allowed me to have any of their botany books. Afraid I might do something with them."

Luna then indicated a small box sitting near a chair, and said, "Which is why we gave you a few Herbology books, though we can only give you a few under the law. Just enough to keep you entertained when you get bored of your plants."

"I never get bored of my plants," Ivy said. "But your…altruism, qualified though it is, is noted." That was probably the nearest thing they would get to gratitude from her.

"What did you mean that Dr Young was responsible for your children screaming, anyway?" Harry asked.

"Why would you believe me?" Ivy asked. "Nobody else would."

"I dunno. When it comes to your children, you're pretty honest," Luna said.

After a moment, Ivy admitted, "I sometimes see her face through the link to my children. There's a laboratory somewhere in the Botanical Gardens. She has twisted my children out of shape, using them to process something that feels like Venom. You know what that is?"

"Is that the stuff Bane uses?" Harry asked.

"Yes, though he disappeared some time ago, after breaking out of Blackgate. The few times I have been able to see Young through my children, she hasn't mentioned him, merely referring to someone called 'Patient X'. I know the smell of Venom, though, and she is using my plants as glorified chemical factories. Though…the last time I saw her, she seemed to have…an attack of conscience. Too little, too late, but she seems to have qualms about the process. All I know is that she was creating a new sort of drug to physically and mentally strengthen her patients, in order to have them withstand stronger treatments. I am telling you this because you bothered to ask. Not to mention giving this…small kindness to me." She indicated the jungle they were in.

"We'll see what we can do. We'll notify Batman. If there's an illegal experiment with Venom, he'll try to stop it," Harry said.

"You can try. Warden Sharp's complicit in it, even if he doesn't know the full details of the process. But I agree. The Batman is an anthophobic(1) brute, but that is something I suppose is in his favour. Bring this matter to his attention. I'm sure he will be at the Asylum shortly. I heard while they were bringing me here that he has gone to capture the clown, again."

Luna noted the venom in her voice, and remarked, "You don't like him much, do you?"

"Only Harley likes that clown," Ivy retorted. "He's a bad influence on her."

"Sadly, you'd be a better influence on her than he would be," Harry remarked.

"Nothing so sad about it. Now, go. I wish to read what you kindly donated to me," Ivy said.

It had been several months since the ball. Harry and Luna were on fairly decent terms with Batman and his associates. They got on best with Barbara Gordon, aka Oracle, as well as Alfred Pennyworth. Harry and Luna now had a dedicated comms channel to the information broker and hacker, who had once been Batgirl. Batman and Robin they got along a little less well with. They were still on good terms, and Robin, aka Tim Drake, was more friendly than his mentor, but Batman, while accepting, was still wary of the two magical vigilantes. Then again, he was wary of everyone.

As they walked out of the Botanical Gardens, the two vigilantes set their helmets to private, blocking anyone from hearing their voices, and opened up a secure comms channel to Barbara. "Barbara, are you there?" Harry asked.

"Yeah. Looks like a busy night. Bruce has just snagged the Joker and saved the mayor. He's a bit uneasy: the Joker went a little too easily, and with Harley's whereabouts unknown…"

"Yeah, that probably sounds suspicious. What do you reckon, Luna?"

"Well, Arkham is the most familiar place to him. And with those Blackgate prisoners they've shipped over because of that fire, well…it does sound suspicious. That many coincidences can't be Wrackspurts."

"Leaving that aside, what did you call me for?" Barbara asked.

"We want whatever information you have on Doctor Penelope Young," Harry said. "Ivy's made some disturbing allegations about her, and while Ivy's not averse to lying to get her own way, she's worried that Young is using her plants as part of some experiment. And given how attached Ivy is to her plants…"

"Yeah, I see what you mean. Anything else?"

"Ivy claims that Young is using something like Venom in the plants. And you know that's bad news."

"Yeah. Look, I'll start digging. That way, we'll have some evidence before you go snooping. Dad's already at the Asylum, making sure the Joker gets locked up."

By this time, they made it to the front entrance to Intensive Treatment, in time to witness the Batmobile roar up the drive. "He's here," Harry said. "Codenames only over comms unless in secure mode. We'll help him with Joker. Harry and Luna out."

The streamlined form of the Batmobile slowed to a halt, and the canopy soon opened up, with the Batman stepping out, and then hauling out the figure of the Joker. It was actually the first time Harry and Luna had seen the Joker in person. They had met Harley Quinn, both inside and outside of costume, but this was the first time they had met her 'Mr J'.

The lanky form should have been unimpressive, once you took away the garish purple suit, green hair, pale white skin, and red lips perpetually set in a malevolent rictus. And yet, one still got a sense of malice radiating from his body language. The clown look was merely trappings. It didn't take a clown to laugh at the misery of others.

"Ooh-ho-ho!" the Joker chortled. "I'm really privileged tonight. I finally get to meet Yin and Yang! The other Dynamic Duo! Are you two having it off too?"

Harry and Luna kept silent. As unashamed as they were of their sex life, the Joker didn't need to know that, and Batman didn't need to have them responding to the Joker's insinuations about him and Robin. Batman dragged him over to the entrance of the Intensive Treatment area, nodding at Yin and Yang. "Is Ivy secure?" he asked.

"Yep," Luna said. "But there's something else going on. We'll talk to you later about it."

The door opened, and Batman escorted the handcuffed Joker through, none too gently. Sharp was waiting there, pompous as ever, along with a guard Harry and Luna didn't like, a scarred man by the name of Frank Boles. Unlike Cash, or indeed many of the guards, who were competent and tried to stay free of corruption, Boles was one of those ones who stank, and of more than the alcohol he habitually drank from a flask. He thought he was king of Arkham.

"Hey, Sharpie!" Joker jeered as he lurched forward. "Love what you've done with the place."

"That's Warden Sharp to you," Sharp said. "Boles!"

"Yo, Frank-ay!" Joker yelled. "How's the wife and kids? You miss me?"

Boles merely snarled, and grabbed the infamous criminal by the lapels of his coat. "Shut it, clown! A lotta people want to have a word with you."

Joker was then shoved over to a waiting gurney, and strapped down, offering commentary as he did so. "Get that filthy degenerate out of here," Sharp ordered the guards.

"Warden, something's not right. I'm going with him," Batman said. And without waiting for acknowledgement, he followed the Joker as he was wheeled away. Harry and Luna followed. To Officer North, one of the guards, he asked, "Is Commissioner Gordon here yet?"

"Yes, sir. He's at Patient Handover. He got here just before you did. Are they with you?" North asked, indicating Harry and Luna.

"Yes."

As they escorted Joker onto a small elevator platform to a security checkpoint, they heard Sharp remark that he wanted the Joker locked away securely. Another escape attempt would scupper his mayoral campaign. Harry rolled his eyes. Sharp reminded him a little too much of Fudge…

The journey to Intensive Treatment proper was a long one. The Joker made some pointed remarks as they passed Cash (who had gotten here earlier after Harry and Luna dealt with Ivy) and Dr Young, who looked scared when he suggested she make an appointment with him, as they had a lot to talk about. Harry set his helmet to private, and then sent to Batman, "Dr Young's up to something dodgy with Venom and plants, according to Ivy. Oracle's doing some digging. You see what Joker said to her?"

Batman nodded slightly in acknowledgement. Harry then disengaged the private mode of his helmet. There then came a bit when Joker deliberately scared the doctor examining him for injuries, a brief encounter with a belligerent Killer Croc, and then a brief blackout in the elevator after the Joker dropped some heavy hints. All the while, they had the pompous announcements of Sharp on television screens.

Finally, they reached Patient Handover, where Gordon was waiting. He shook their hands, Gordon having warmed to the two new vigilantes. "Long night, Jim?" Batman asked.

"You could say that. Joker invades City Hall, holds the Mayor hostage…which means juggling SWAT teams, the media, and you. Gonna need a lot of coffee for this one."

"Hopefully, it'll be the last one caused by him," Batman remarked.

Harry sighed. "That's just daring the universe to prove you wrong, Batman. The metaphysical equivalent of painting a sign over your groin saying 'Here are my testicles: Please kick them'."

"You stole that joke from Blackadder!" Joker snapped.

"And?" Harry said with a shrug. "You like Blackadder? Only, if you make like Baldrick and say you have a cunning plan, I will hit you."

"Actually, if we're going to go with cultural references, Yang, I think I will emulate Francis Urquhart from House of Cards and say, 'You may think that, I couldn't possibly comment'," Joker retorted.

"Do not engage with him," Batman said.

"Sorry, I have a tendency to have the last word," Harry said.

They came to a secure area with an electrified energy gate, used to block prisoners' progress, beyond which were some holding cells. A guard and a doctor were waiting there, and the guard held up a hand. "I'm sorry, Batman, but Arkham staff only beyond this point. Ditto for you two." Gordon tried to protest, but the man said, "Look, I appreciate the assistance, Batman, but you'll…unsettle the more violent inmates."

Joker chuckled as he was unstrapped from the trolley, and led to the guard and doctor. "Oh dear, does that sting?" Joker sneered.

"Is it at all possible to give him a napalm enema?" Luna asked.

The doctor smirked. "We can give him a 3H enema. High, Hot, and a Hell of a lot(2)."

"Ooh, sounds like fun," Joker said. "You know how to press my buttons, Yin. I look forward to our next meeting." He was then hauled into the holding cell area, the electric field deactivated briefly, saying, "Don't be a stranger. You're always welcome here. Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home."

"You okay?" Gordon asked Batman.

"No," Batman said. "He surrendered almost without a fight. I don't like it."

"Yeah, his bullshit meter's going 'ding'," Harry remarked. "So's mine."

"And mine," Luna said.

"You don't have a bullshit meter, Yin," Harry retorted. "Nargles, remember?"

"Nargles, bullies, same thing." The three vigilantes and Gordon went into an observation room as the electric field went back into place.

"At least he's back where he belongs," Gordon said. But then, the Joker stumbled, pulling the guard down with him. And as the guard told him to get up, the Joker headbutted him, before prancing around the stunned guard to start throttling him with his handcuffs.

"Alert the Warden!" Batman yelled. "Joker's getting loose!" He then punched the glass window, cracking it, but not breaking it.

Luna then yelled, "Allow me! BOMBARDA!" The blasting spell blew out the window, and Batman jumped through, just as the Joker removed his handcuffs. Luna then yelled, "ACCIO!", and the doctor, who had been dithering while trying to save the guard, who had just been killed by the Joker, flew into the observation area, while Batman ran after the Joker.

"Honey, I'm home!" the Joker called to one of the cameras.

"Come on in!" came a familiar voice over the PA system. The Joker then dashed for the exit, and the electrified field came up just before Batman could catch the Joker.

"Ooh, you nearly got me that time, Bats!" the Joker jeered. "Still, I bid you welcome to the madhouse! I set a trap, and you sprung it gloriously! Now, let's get this party started!" He then dashed for the observation office opposite their own, and released convicts from their holding cells to fight Batman.

Batman then yelled, "Yin, Yang! Stay with Gordon! I can handle them!"

As he fought the convicts off, the Joker retorted, "Confident, aren't we? Well, let's see how well you do with these guys…"

CHAPTER 4 ANNOTATIONS:

So, Harry and Luna, along with Oracle, are aware that something is rotten in the state of Arkham. The emphasis of this story will be more on what Harry and Luna are doing.

Now, I'm going to be making sure that the events of Arkham Knight don't happen (partly because I haven't played that game). There's two key factors for that, factors that will be changed. I think you can guess what they are, if you know something about that game, and what was happening concurrently with Arkham Asylum.

1. Anthophobia is a fear of flowers (I couldn't find one for a fear of plants on Wikipedia). Not to be confused with anthrophobia, fear of people (also called anthropophobia).

2. I read this on a list of medical slang and terms. Supposedly given to particularly annoying patients. Doctor House would be proud.