A/N: okay so with this fic I've blended things that have come up in s11 canon with the backstory I already had made out for Magna and Yumiko in my other fics. This means that I've had to nix some things that have come up in canon. One of these is the part where Yumiko got her bachelor's at Oxford before going to Harvard. I spent a long time figuring out Yumiko's timeline when it comes to schooling and her career before s11 came out and I worked out pretty quickly that it just wouldn't be realistic that she would have been able to take on Magna's case and win it as soon as she came out of Law School, without any prior law experience. Exoneration cases are incredibly hard to win. Nine times out of ten, people don't. So I wanted her to have some prior law experience before taking on Magna's case. A couple of years at least. This means that there would have been no time for her to have gotten a bachelor's degree AND a law degree, and taken on Magna's case (which lasted two years, and then there's the year after that Magna spent out of prison) before the apocalypse hit. So as much as I like the idea of Yumiko having gone to Oxford, in my fics she's only gone to law School, and that's where she met Nicole. It's a very important aspect of her backstory and I couldn't mess with it.
Another thing that canon has conflicted with is the characterization of Yumiko's parents that I've come up with. In s11, it's implied that Yumiko's father placed a lot of pressure on them (or perhaps just Tomi) when it came to their careers. But that doesn't really line up with the characterization I already had for him. So I've messed with things a bit on that front. Mostly because I'm trying to keep this as in line with my other fics as possible - the only change being that Tomi exists in this universe. However, Tomi still had a very strained relationship with their father (and that will be expanded on later, though possibly not in this fic but a sequel oneshot that I'm working on)
[trigger warning: implied domestic abuse, reference to substance abuse (Tomi), OCD]
Tomi watched Magna's retreat, looking even less happy about it than Yumiko.
"Another chance - wasted." He sighed dramatically, before glancing over at her. "You do love to squander your opportunities, don't you?"
She turned around, gripping his arm. "I am going to murder you tomorrow when you're sober enough to remember it."
"I don't think anyone can remember being murdered. Sober or not."
"Don't push me."
"Are you sure? I have the feeling witnessing you all fired up is one of your wife's turn-ons. Might help with your relationship troubles."
Inwardly, Yumiko groaned.
More at the fact that he was right than anything else. At least on the first count.
She wasn't sure anything could help with her and Magna's relationship troubles at this point.
"Would you stop it already?"
"No. Seeing you like this is far too amusing. I can't say I don't get some pleasure out of the fact that for once you're the one whose life is a mess."
Yumiko turned her head in disbelief. "Are you serious? My entire life has been a mess."
With the world ending being just the perfect little cherry on top.
"Oh, but none of that was your fault," he waved her protest aside, "This at least, you had some hand in. Usually, I'm the one acting like an idiot. Screwing things up. Falling short. This is a rare opportunity."
Yumiko didn't know which point to argue first.
Though the idiot comment certainly rankled at her pride the most. "You're impossible."
And exhausting.
She'd forgotten just how exhausting.
"But you love me anyway."
"Debatable," Yumiko muttered, tightening her grip and dragging him forward. Especially after tonight.
"You do. It's an unfortunate fact you can't escape."
"Oh, believe me. I'm definitely escaping it."
More and more by the second.
"I don't know why you're so bent out of shape. If anyone should be trying to sever the ties of love, it's me." Though his tone was still deceptively light, Yumiko caught the sour edge.
She took a breath, slowing to a stop, though every cell in her body demanded that she keep walking, moving towards her only chance at freedom.
Unfortunately, she remained rather shackled to her brother right now - and he clearly wasn't going to budge unless they talked about this.
So they'd talk.
"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd been spending the last ten years undercover here as a baker when they interrogated me."
Would never even have imagined it.
And the lightness disappeared from his features, swallowed by frustration. "But you did know after the fact."
Yumiko felt her own frustration roar up inside her. "They fucking dragged you away, Tomi, what was I supposed to do?"
"Nothing. You were supposed to do," his hand cut through the air before he took a breath, letting it fall, "nothing. . . but apparently that's too much to ask of the brilliant Yumiko fucking Okumura!"
She flinched.
Less from the words than the harshness in his tone.
The derision.
A glass slammed rather pointedly in the distance and they both turned around to see Magna watching them - or more specifically Tomi - her eyes narrowed in warning.
Yumiko knew that look. Reflexively glanced around the room, tallying up the cutlery - of which there was far too much.
She'd seen what Magna could do with a fork. Or several.
Her brother, perhaps too drunk to realize the precariously thin ice his existence had just wandered onto, seemed only amused by this development.
Fool.
Meeting Magna's gaze, Yumiko gave a subtle shake of her head, watching as, after a grudging pause, she looked back down, returning to her task.
It was what Yumiko wanted.
But a part of her craved to take the action back. Delay it.
Just so she could stare into Magna's eyes a moment longer.
Just a moment.
Tomi's mouth twitched, watching the interaction. "That woman is still madly in love with you."
"Maybe."
Yumiko wasn't so sure.
"Alright, let's go." He said, making her blink. "Before your knight in tattooed armor comes over here and murders me. Speaking of which, are we sure she didn't, you know. . .?" He closed his fist, miming a jerking motion.
Her brow furrowed. "Jerk someone off?"
Just how drunk was he?
"Stab someone! Why would you- this is a stabbing motion. See?" He repeated the gesture, the alcohol rendering it just as sloppy and clumsy as the first time.
"That's not really what I'm seeing. . ."
Though she'd far prefer it if it was.
Tomi huffed, dropping his hand. "Nevermind, are we sure she didn't kill that guy? Brandon Larson. . ."
Her stomach clenched. "Brian Lawson."
"Yes. Him. . . are we sure she didn't kill him? Because I read all the articles and I can't say I'm convinced."
Yumiko bit the inside of her cheek.
Between him, Sonja and - God - even her mother, it seemed like everyone had seen the truth but her.
Idiot.
"She didn't do it."
Tomi squinted, the doubt plain. "Mm."
Yumiko hardened her jaw. She'd humored him a great deal tonight but this was one line of questioning she couldn't ever allow him to entertain.
"I know her far better than you so when I say she didn't do it. . . she didn't. do. it."
"If you insist." Tomi tilted his head to the side, gaze reaching over her shoulder. "She certainly looks like she's considering murdering me right now, though. Anger management issues?"
Well.
Yumiko crossed her arms. "She's actually doing much better."
His eyebrows shot up. "This is better? That glass has a crack in it! Do you even see this? She's murdering me with her eyes as we speak, Miko, as we speak. I can feel the knife. . ." He paused, brow furrowing. "Kind of itches."
God, he should have gone into theater instead of medicine.
Yumiko rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm, making one final effort to drag him towards the door. "Then stop raising your voice. She hates angry drunks."
"Oh. . . hmm." To her great luck, he actually seemed to be taking this information on board. "Right."
"And stop being so dramatic. If Magna ever sticks a knife in you, believe me - it'll do far more than just itch."
Her mouth twitched as he inched a little closer.
"On a scale of one to ten, just how lethal is she?"
Yumiko decided to have some fun.
"She could throw a knife from all the way over there and still hit you square in the chest."
He paled slightly. "You really do know how to pick them."
Yumiko pinched him.
"Ouch! She's even more terrifying than Nicole."
"Tomi," she drew out warningly, insides tensing.
"What? I mean that as a compliment. Nicole was 'murder you in your sleep and deliver a heart-wrenching eulogy at your funeral' scary. Magna looks like she'd actually wake you up and punch you in the face before sending on your gruesome way - which I think shows character."
Yumiko stared.
"What?"
Her lips pursed.
"Oh, don't give me that look. I like her. I just also happen to find her mildly terrifying."
"Only mildly? She's losing her touch," Yumiko's voice was bland as she restarted her path forward.
He grumbled a little, allowing her to tug him along. "Your children would probably come out of the womb brandishing knives - Oh, by the way, we have a fabulous donor program here. You two should look into it."
The words brought her to a screeching halt.
Slowly, she turned to him in disbelief.
Tomi shrugged. "I've waited far too long for a niece or nephew. Ooh, niece and nephew. Could be twins."
Heaven forbid.
"Well, get ready for a long future without either. Because you're not getting them from me." If he wanted to go and plead his case to Magna, then he could be her guest. But this wasn't something Yumiko could help him with. Nor was it something she had any desire to.
"Oh come on, you must have thought about it."
"You mean during the ten years we've spent running from place to place struggling not to get eaten alive by dead people? Strangely it never came up. Can't imagine why."
"A minor obstacle."
Unbelievable.
She couldn't help but remember Magna's words from their argument in the kitchen. Felt the truth of them right now, in this moment.
Sobered.
"You wouldn't say that if you'd been out there. Instead of in here. This place is. . ." Yumiko looked around, taking in her surroundings: the chandeliers and flower-shaped light ornaments; the grand curtain and burgundy tablecloths; the microphone and platform. . . all of it a crude echo of the past - and a far too convincing one. "It makes you forget."
"And is that a bad thing?"
"I don't know," she murmured, eyes pausing on one particular table. One particular person.
Good or bad, she could certainly understand why Magna was unsettled by it.
Tomi followed her gaze. "You know. . . if the two of you got married, she'd gain a rise in social standing."
God, first children and now marriage?
He was worse than Mum.
Tomi shrugged at her incredulous look. "Something to think about. I know you've been looking into ways to bump her status up. This would do that. Not to your level, of course, but certainly higher than a mere waiter." He beamed with false brightness, "Nepotism is alive and well in the Commonwealth."
That. . . wasn't untrue.
Though it left out one very important detail.
"Nepotism may be but same-sex marriage certainly isn't. Or did you forget the part where it's not even legal?"
Which was only half of the problem. But still a very important half.
"That's because it was never legal in the first place. But I'm sure you could pull a few strings to change that. Considering you have Pamela Milton's ear."
There was an undercoating of vitriol to that last part which she ignored.
"We can't even speak without getting into an argument. Trust me when I say we're not getting married."
Yumiko wasn't sure the idea appealed to her regardless.
She'd never pictured herself getting married. Having kids. Grandkids.
Any of it.
But then, she'd never pictured herself falling in love, either. Having any kind of long-term, committed relationship that encompassed more than just obligation or simple affection.
Her career was what had mattered to her most.
And her pets.
(of course, then Magna had to show up and turn all that on its head)
"First you deny me the role of uncle, and now brother-in-law? I swear, sometimes it seems you exist just to spite me."
She covered the momentary flicker of hurt that evoked. Knew he was only teasing. That she'd simply been scraped raw from their earlier argument.
Must have succeeded because Tomi continued on, oblivious.
"It doesn't even have to be a big wedding. One hundred people, tops." Tops? "But I will insist on a three tier cake. The suitable amount of canapés. And fairy lights. Ooh, and one of those majestic arches." By the dreamy expression on her brother's face, he might have been imagining his own wedding. "Just think of how cute your children will look all dressed up as the flower girl and ring bearer."
It was the stuff of nightmares.
"And if they're still babies at the time, the task of carrying them down the aisle will of course fall to me." He paused, brow furrowing. "Though that might make it a little difficult to give you away."
Yumiko's nose wrinkled.
Give her away?
She wasn't a box of second-hand clothes.
"Hmm. . . you might want to get started on the baby-making soon, if you want them to be present at the wedding."
If I want them?
She crossed her arms. Took a breath. "You know, I think you might be putting the cart before the horse."
Several hundred terrifying miles before.
He waved that aside. "The horse will catch up eventually."
Yumiko shook her head.
She suspected he was partially doing this just to get back at her. Some ludicrous version of revenge.
At least it was better than arguing.
(barely)
"No. It won't." Not if she had anything to say about it. "You want a wedding and kids so bad, you have them."
"God, no. I couldn't imagine anything worse." He shuddered. "No, I must live vicariously through you."
She was going to smack him.
"I'm not giving you a niece or nephew, Tomi."
Or a bloody wedding.
"Fine. Magna then."
Yumiko snorted. "Sure. Alright. But you get to be the one to tell her that she has to get pregnant."
He paused. "I mean. . . there's also adoption. I'm actually a big fan of that."
"Mmm."
Coward.
He made a good show of pretending not to notice her smirk. "And it would be like bringing things full circle in a way, wouldn't it? Mum always thought you'd adopt."
"Mum just wanted a grandbaby any way she could get one, and I made it very clear that it wasn't going to be biologically." Though how much of that had actually sunk in was anyone's guess. The minute Yumiko had graduated law school, their mother had started chomping at the bit. It was a wonder she hadn't come home from work one day to find a full-blown nursery in the spare room of her apartment. Possibly, the fact that Magna occasionally took up residence in that spare room was all that had saved her from this fate. "Not that it stopped her from dropping hints every time we talked."
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, she did the same with me. Only, she also made me a profile on OkCupid to help things along." He smiled - though it came out as more of a grimace. "Every visit, she had a list of 'suitable candidates' for me to look over with her."
Yumiko ducked her head, covering her mouth.
It would be cruel to laugh.
Tomi grinned at her reaction. "That's not the worst part. I got better traction on there than I ever did on Grindr." He tilted his head. "It appears I would have done well as a straight man. Frankly, it's a crime I wasn't born bisexual. Another one of life's great larks."
And the laugh slipped through. "I'm so sorry."
He narrowed his eyes playfully. "Sure. Laugh at my expense. She made a profile for you too, you know."
Yumiko choked. "What?"
Tomi's mouth curved slowly. "Mm, it was actually very flattering. Mum showed it to me for a second opinion - which I of course, being the loving and caring brother that I am, was more than willing to provide. Along with a few minor corrections."
"I'm going to murd-"
"Relax." His eyes twinkled. "None of your matches ever met Mum's approval. And she took it down after meeting Magna."
Yumiko's mouth worked.
For once she was completely without words.
Head empty.
It was just so. . . Mum.
Including the part where she'd decided that Magna was daughter-in-law material almost a decade before they'd even shared their first kiss.
A snort escaped Yumiko's lips as she ducked her head, amusement winning out over her horror and dismay. "I don't know whether to laugh or cry. God."
"Mm." Tomi smiled faintly. "I do miss her. I even miss her overly interfering ways, sometimes."
Her amusement died.
"Me too," she murmured.
"She'd be glad you and Magna finally worked things out. Overjoyed, in fact."
Yumiko stared. "I'm sorry, did you forget the part where we broke up?"
"A temporary setback," he dismissed, waving her protest aside.
He was doing a lot of that tonight.
She was finding it harder and harder not to smack his hand.
"You know what else she'd be overjoyed about?"
Yumiko tilted her head.
"Her future grandchild."
"Oh for God-" She whacked him on the shoulder with her purse. "Leave it alone."
He chortled, dodging her attack. "But it would be so cute. Just imagine it with its little bow."
"You're assuming I'd put bows in my kid's hair."
"I was talking about the weapon."
Yumiko rolled her eyes.
"Or its tiny little knife-"
She scoffed. "Well, you're not being left to babysit."
"Oh come on, Miko. You can't say you're not tempted."
"I'm really not."
Truly.
Tomi groaned. "You're my only sister. How else am I going to get a niece or nephew?"
"Well, if you think letting a baby anywhere near lethal objects is a good idea, then you probably shouldn't be getting a niece or nephew. Ever." Yumiko knew more about the laws of quantum physics than she did about the care and maintenance of children but she did know that keeping them away from sharp and pointy objects had to be one of the first rules in the handbook - right after not dropping them.
He narrowed his eyes, watching her a moment. "You're very cruel."
Yumiko's mouth twitched, then she took a breath. "All joking aside, don't mention any of this to Magna. She'll run full speed all the way to Canada."
And then dig her way to China for good measure.
"I think you might overestimate how skittish she is."
Possibly.
But she also had plenty of years of experience to support that overestimation.
He glanced over her shoulder and Yumiko resisted the urge to turn, to follow his gaze. "She's still glaring daggers at me, by the way - and I think I've been quite civil in the last few minutes."
"Maybe she overheard your wonderful plan about getting her pregnant," Yumiko muttered under her breath.
Tomi blanched. "You know, the last time we met she wasn't nearly this intimidating."
"That's because mum was there."
"Ah."
Yumiko hadn't been present at the time but she knew Magna's behavior around her mother - and it was something akin to invasion of the body snatchers.
"You know, I'm fairly sure Mum liked her more than she liked me," Tomi continued. "She used to talk about her all the time on the phone. And I mean all the time. I've never known so much about someone I wasn't related to or trading orgasms with."
She snorted. "Tomi, I'm pretty sure Mum liked Magna more than she liked both of us." Yumiko was only half joking. "She cleans and cooks." Most days, Tomi was about as eager to pick up a broom as her. And despite his affinity for baking, he couldn't cook worth a damn. Had actually given her food poisoning once. "And the first time they met she called her ma'am - not to mention, she bought her chocolate."
And wine.
The incredibly expensive kind too.
The kind Yumiko knew she really didn't have the budget to waste on. And, given Magna's well-known ignorance and aversion when it came to all things wine, Yumiko strongly suspected she'd just swiped the one with the highest price tag off the shelf and hoped for the best.
No matter that she barely had the money for groceries most weeks.
(Yumiko had been exasperated by the fact.
Her mum had been charmed)
Tomi grunted. "You're right. We didn't stand a chance."
"Nope."
Still, despite her words, Yumiko actually suspected that circumstance had played the biggest part in her mother's apparent favoritism. Magna had entered their lives at a point when she'd been struggling to deal with a son who spent the majority of his time in another state - or country - and a daughter who was slowly drifting further and further away. For someone who prided herself on being overly involved in her children's lives, the change had left her somewhat adrift.
Magna, meanwhile, hadn't had a mother since she was eight-years-old and was desperately in need of some parental affection - whether she was prepared to accept it or not.
They'd filled a void in each other's lives. A most unexpected outcome.
But a welcome one.
Though Yumiko knew that even now Magna continued to be oblivious to the high esteem she'd held in her mother's eyes. Or more accurately couldn't comprehend it. Believe it.
Yumiko had tried to change that over the years but so far all her words had fallen on deaf ears.
They often did with Magna.
Tomi hummed. "All the importance Mum placed on getting into the Ivy Leagues - and her favorite child turns out to be the one who never even finished high school."
"Hey," Yumiko said warningly.
He held up a hand. "I don't mean anything by it. You know I couldn't care less about that stuff. I just find it ironic is all."
Talking about their parents had always been a sticky subject - a minefield that most of the time they both collectively decided not to wade through - but apparently that wasn't in the cards for tonight.
What the hell. Everything else seems to be getting thrown on the table in a stinking heap, why not this?
"Mum always just wanted the best for us," Yumiko said, gently. "She thought a good education and career would do that."
"Easy for you to say. You pushed yourself so hard Mum never even had the chance to try. Everything came so easily to you."
Yumiko frowned, feeling a spark of resentment flicker to life inside her. Easy. Nothing in her life had ever been easy. "That's not true. You have no idea how hard I worked for everything."
"A little less hard than the rest of us," he said lightly, though the bitter undertone was unmistakable. At least to her ears. "You're smart. Always have been. But more than that you're ambitious. I'm not saying you didn't rake yourself over the coals to get where you did - especially with everything that happened - but you can't say you didn't have an advantage. I can remember having to work twice as hard just to get even half as far as you."
Yumiko withheld a sigh, feeling that earlier frustration rise to the surface once more. Still, she kept the emotion locked inside, her voice even. The last thing she wanted was for this to descend into another fight. If Tomi lost his temper again then odds were she'd be spending the rest of the night extracting cutlery from his person.
"That's because you had a life outside of your studies. It came second for you. Not for me."
She'd preferred it that way.
School. . . work. . . it had all offered a stability and security that Yumiko had desperately needed. Something to focus on. Be passionate about. Strive towards.
Having a life outside of it, a social life had never really appealed. Not since she was a child. She'd had friends. Numerous friends. Most of whom she could barely remember the names of now.
But they hadn't been close.
She'd gone outside her comfort zone in law school. Taken a risk and invited Nicole into the peaceful hallways of her inner sanctum. Yumiko had never met anyone who'd so clearly wanted to walk them before. Who kept pushing and pushing until eventually she'd given in. . . cracked open the door.
She'd liked being with Nicole.
The way she'd felt around her. The passion.
It wasn't something Yumiko had ever experienced before. Wasn't something she'd known she could experience. And once she had. . .
Nicole had made her feel alive.
Alive in a way that she hadn't felt since she was a child. For too many years, she'd simply been existing. Nothing more. Nothing less. She'd come close to something else during her travels after high school. All those months spent seeing the world. Experiencing it. Something had sparked inside of her then. A spark that had flickered to life every time Nicole touched her, kissed her.
She'd liked being with Nicole.
In the beginning.
Things were always so much better in the beginning.
That was how stories worked. Full of promise. Possibility. Freshness. Unknowing.
Anything could happen.
Everything could happen.
Then you got to the middle and the shadows started to creep in. The cracks. Hints of what was to come. Building tension. Catastrophe. Indecision.
what path to take what path to take
Then you got to the end.
Yumiko hated endings.
But there was still a relief in them that couldn't be found in the middle. That chaotic centre.
What was that poem she'd read over and over again during her relationship with Nicole?
The Second Coming.
She'd nursed at its words like a starving infant, fixating on them. Drawing comfort from language just as she'd always done throughout her life.
(the centre cannot hold)
Yumiko hated middles.
The painful, nauseating centre, ripping at the seams.
But not with Magna. The beginning, the middle, everything in between. . . no part had been hated. Couldn't be hated. Not by her.
She'd loved every page of their story. Even the ones that hurt.
Even this one.
Because tonight she'd held Magna in her arms, felt the heat of her breath, the secure pressure of her touch. . .
And for a moment everything had been right.
Everything had been good.
For a moment.
Yumiko swallowed, refocusing on Tomi, who so far hadn't seemed to notice her distraction.
But, then, he wasn't looking at her. Instead, his gaze was lost somewhere over her shoulder, expression thoughtful. "Perhaps you're right. . ." he murmured, before focusing on her once more. "But so am I."
She straightened, defenses slotting back into place.
"You were reading chapter books by the age of four, Yumiko. You can't pretend you weren't smarter than the rest of us."
She wrapped her arms around herself, considering his point. Though there was little to consider.
He still didn't understand.
"Maybe to start with," Yumiko murmured after a moment. "But you know I ran into issues later on. That edge I had, I lost a lot of it."
And had never quite been able to get any of it back.
Most days, Yumiko thought it would have been better never to have had it in the first place. Then she wouldn't feel the space where it had once been.
The hole.
"Yet still managed to retain more than the rest of us." Tomi paused, seeing her expression. Winced. "I'm sorry. I know what you lost."
No, you don 't.
It was impossible to know except from the inside.
She cleared her throat, determined to push on. To move forward. They'd lingered on this for far too long already. Longer than she'd ever intended to.
And there was something important that Yumiko still needed to address. Would have addressed before now, if not for the constant - and highly distracting - shifts in conversation dished out by her brother.
"Look, those articles you were talking about earlier. . . I'd appreciate if you didn't mention the fact that you've read even a single one of them to Magna. They're complete garbage."
He hummed in acknowledgment of that, allowing the rather obvious segue. "Exciting reading, though."
More like nauseating.
The theories they had come up with.
The lies.
Yumiko gritted her teeth at the memory.
She honestly couldn't blame Magna for her resentment when it came to journalists. Only one nearing Connie's integrity had ever taken a stab at her case, and they'd still had their own agenda to push. Their own message they'd been working to sell.
None of those journalists had cared about the teenager they were exploiting. Not one.
"And more than a little compelling. Seventeen-year-old girl stabs small town's beloved music teacher to death - less than two months after her ten-year-old cousin commits suicide following allegations of sexual abuse against that very same teacher. Compelling."
Yumiko clenched her jaw. "Clearly. Or she never would have been convicted in the first place - and it wasn't just allegations, he plead guilty to the crime. He was guilty."
Tomi held up his hands. "I'm not arguing that. I just find it hard to believe that she wasn't guilty as well. Especially taking into account all the other nitty-gritty details in those articles."
"Details that are absolute bullshit."
Yumiko had read fairy tales that were more factual.
"Well, I knew the lover's tiff was a bit of a reach. Some of the other stuff, though. . ."
"Is bullshit. It's all bullshit," she couldn't keep the snap from her voice - wouldn't have cared to try regardless.
She hated those articles. Hated the look on Magna's face the first time she'd come across them. Could remember the reaction that had followed. The argument. Because anger had always been Magna's best defense, the feeling she reached for the instant hurt made an appearance.
She'd been hurt.
"All those journalists cared about was spinning a sensational story that could sell - and it did."
Far too well.
"Well, I can't argue with that." Tomi glanced over her shoulder. "And she's back to stabbing me with her eyes. Which I think is a mite unfair - you were the one who snapped that time. . . one might almost start to think she likes you better than me."
Yumiko's mouth twitched-
Tomi caught the expression, eyes narrowing. "You're enjoying this far too much."
"Don't be ridiculous," she said, straight-faced. "I would never derive pleasure from the sight of you shaking in your boots simply because of a look from my girlfriend."
"Ah!" He held up a finger. "You called her your girlfriend."
Damn.
He grinned. "That ship hasn't sailed nearly as far away as you claim."
More like Yumiko's own wishful thinking had her slipping up and believing it was still firmly docked at shore.
In reality, it couldn't even be seen.
"It was a slip of the tongue. Try not to read into it."
A hopeless request, she knew.
Of course he was going to read into it.
He read into everything.
True enough, Tomi examined her closely, scrutiny rising by the second.
Biting back a groan, Yumiko prepared herself for another round of interrogation into her relationship. At this point, she was never getting home to sleep. Never getting home, period. She was going to have to set up shop right here in this building. With the torture of her brother's company filling her every last waking moment.
He opened his mouth-
Yumiko tensed, preparing herself.
"So about that Doctor's appointment. . ."
Oh, for God-
"Jesus, Tomi, you're worse than Mum."
His eyes widened a fraction. "I can't believe you would say that. . . you wound me, Miko. Truly. Words can be violent, you know?"
She sent him an unimpressed look.
"Fine, fine." He turned away, making another start towards the exit.
Yumiko held her breath-
Cursing when he paused, gaze sliding back to her.
"You know. . . we also have a psychology department here."
She withheld an eye-roll. Honestly, he didn't even have the decency to try and be subtle.
"I'm aware."
She'd even considered making an appointment - more than a few times - but had ultimately decided against it. She wasn't certain of just how confidential confidentiality was in the Commonwealth. And maybe Magna's paranoia had simply rubbed off on her over the years but Yumiko had always lived by the policy that it was better to be safe than sorry - a policy that seemed especially prudent in the Commonwealth.
"Have you been?" she asked, deciding that the best course of action was to turn the tables back on her interrogator. That had always been the surest way to defend against her brother's probing.
Still, she was also curious. Perhaps Tomi had a better idea surrounding that confidentiality. Just how solid it was. Yumiko couldn't deny that she'd like the chance to engage in therapy again, now that the opportunity was finally available.
But only if it was safe.
"God, no. That time Mum made me go was bad enough. Never again. . . not to mention that brief stint in hell known as family therapy."
She grimaced in memory.
"Besides," he added, puffing out his chest, "I'm perfectly fine."
Yumiko rolled her eyes.
Hypocrite.
"I'm also not a walking binder full of issues like you."
Well, that was rich.
She crossed her arms. "And I don't have a long history of substance abuse."
All the more reason why you shouldn't be drinking .
It had never crossed over into the territory of addiction - at least, not as far as she was aware - but he'd certainly flirted with that line. Far more than was comfortable.
"Oh, don't start. I heard all about your time experimenting in law school. Or was that just Nicole?" He squinted. "For a lawyer, she wasn't the most law-abiding citizen, was she?"
He'd be surprised just how many attorneys fell into that category.
Yumiko blamed the stresses of law school.
Though not so much in Nicole's case. She'd just liked to have a good time. And make certain that others were having a good time with her. Whether they wanted to or not.
"We are not talking about Nicole while you're drunk."
Or ever.
That was the streak she'd been aiming for all these years, after all. Yumiko would hate to ruin it.
Those few mentions earlier had been more than enough. She'd done her best to ignore them, but if he was going to keep pushing-
And on today of all days? Nicole was the last person she wanted to think about - let alone talk about - on Halloween. Especially given the amount of energy she'd put into not thinking about her. Right from the moment that first bloody pumpkin had appeared.
A flash of regret entered Tomi's eyes. "You're right. Sorry."
The apology was entirely unexpected. . . but appreciated.
After a moment, Yumiko inclined her head. "Thankyou."
She couldn't help but be surprised by how easily he'd caved. Didn't want to think about what that might suggest. What information her brother possessed - or thought he possessed - that could propel him to back away from this particular topic when every other one tonight had remained fair game.
(Yumiko tried not to analyze his expression too closely, to see what else lay beneath the regret - but the pity was hard to overlook)
She'd never actually told Tomi anything about Nicole. Not the cheating, not. . . any of it. But somehow he'd put the pieces together.
Some of them, anyway.
No-one had all the pieces. No-one except her.
(Yumiko preferred it that way)
Tomi glanced over her shoulder and she already knew what he was going to ask. Inwardly cursed. "Does Magna know about Nicole?"
So much for not talking about her.
Should have known it was too good to be true.
Not meeting his gaze, Yumiko bent down to take off her shoes. If she was going to be towing his drunken arse home, she didn't want to be doing it in heels.
(that was if they ever even made it out the door)
Tomi's voice softened. "You should tell her."
"Maybe."
But she'd rather not.
Rather leave that part of her past in the past. Where it belonged. Far, far away from what she had now.
From her.
It was something she knew Magna could more than understand.
Relate to.
Yumiko glanced up, pausing in her task. "You won't-"
He shook his head, halting her question. "I wouldn't even know what to tell. It's not as though you've ever shared any of the details with me. Or anything at all, for that matter."
Still, no doubt he'd heard quite a few things through the grapevine.
He'd gone to Harvard as well, after all.
But those were just rumors. Second-hand accounts. Entirely lacking in credibility and truth.
(for the most part anyway)
"I do know that you scared Mum. She was on the phone to me all night once after you and Nicole broke up. She was afraid you'd relapsed."
I did.
Many different times, in many different ways.
It was discomforting to realize her mother had noticed - and that the information had made it all the way back to him. Two things she'd worked so hard to avoid at the time.
"Was she?" Yumiko kept her tone nonchalant, uninterested even, refusing to give anything away. To confirm or deny.
"Mm, she thought it was the after-effects of a broken heart. I wasn't so sure." He shrugged. "I never liked Nicole."
"You only met her twice."
"And twice was more than enough. I hate false people. And she was false all over."
Well, you could have clued me into that.
Though, honestly, by that point it probably wouldn't have mattered. She'd been in too deep.
"I tried to call after I heard you broke up."
"I know." The calls had been infrequent - but insistent nonetheless. Yumiko had dodged them all. "It wasn't something I wanted to talk about."
Or needed to.
All she'd needed was time. And space.
As much as she could get her hands on.
(and she'd known that her mother and brother wouldn't be inclined to grant her either)
"That much was obvious."
The rebuke in his tone was only partially hidden and she pursed her lips. The only person in their family who had ever understood her need for space was their father. It was one of the reasons Yumiko had always gotten along best with him. "Let me rephrase, it wasn't something I needed to talk about."
Not with him. And especially not when things had still been so fresh. So raw. She knew from experience that doing so would only have added salt to the wound, deepened the scarring.
More to the point, it hadn't been necessary.
Yumiko hadn't. . . coped after Nicole. Not for a long time. But eventually she had. Eventually she'd pulled herself back together. Eventually she'd moved on.
And she hadn't needed anyone's help in order to do it.
Not her mother's, not Tomi's, not. . . anyone's.
She hadn't needed anyone's help.
And she still didn't.
Tomi reached out, the action showing the first signs of hesitance he'd displayed all night. Yumiko's brow furrowed as he took her hand, hold so light as to be barely tangible.
Touch hadn't been commonplace between them for decades. They'd only hugged once since reuniting. That was all. And after everything with Lance. . . once was all Yumiko had dared to try for.
It felt strange, in a way, to feel his hold now.
Not bad. Just. . . strange.
"I worry about you, you know?"
Yumiko's mouth thinned. "You have a funny way of showing it."
He ignored this. "You keep so much inside. So much. . . bottled up."
Not true. She'd been incredibly open with her therapists throughout the years. Had shared all she was capable of sharing.
It was just harder with the people she cared about.
Who cared about her.
He squeezed her hand. "I nearly lost you because of that once."
Yumiko faltered, guard lowering an inch, even as she tried not to let her thoughts stray, to remember.
After a pause, she allowed her hand to relax in his, settling into the hold.
"That wasn't the reason," she said, more gently.
"Well, that's how it looked from the outside." Tomi's jaw clenched. "You have no idea how hard it was. Watching that."
Yumiko bit her tongue.
She was well aware of hard she'd been.
How difficult.
Had put a great deal of effort into never becoming so again. Into making herself easy.
Light.
Not something anyone would ever have to carry.
"Tomi-"
"I don't want to watch that happen again."
Sighing, Yumiko placed her free hand over his, giving it a brief squeeze. "You won't. It might be hard to see because, you're right . . . I do keep things inside - but I'm okay." It was the truth. Things might be. . . difficult at the moment but it was a difficult that she knew how to manage. What Tomi was talking about. . . "Things have changed a lot since high school. I've changed. And I promise that I'm okay."
He squinted, leaning in slightly. "Don't promise me that you're okay. Promise me that if a time ever comes when you're not. . . you'll tell me."
Yumiko hesitated.
And because he knew her, knew her too well, he also knew what she was capable of. And what she wasn't.
"Or that you'll at least tell her." He jerked his chin over her shoulder.
That. . . was slightly more manageable.
Mostly because she knew she'd never have to tell Magna.
She always knew when Yumiko wasn't okay.
(even now, she doubted that was something that had changed)
"I promise."
"Good." He smiled, straightening up. "I'm still mad at you, by the way."
"I know."
And Yumiko couldn't help but wonder how long this easiness between them would last. This apparent cease-fire. If Tomi would even remember any of it in the morning, or whether things would shift right back to how they'd been for months.
Dreaded the thought.
Dreaded returning to the vitriol and the snark. The resentment.
It felt inevitable, though. She'd been around her brother when he was drunk before. And it was rare that he ever remembered anything in the aftermath.
Privately, Yumiko wondered whether he hated her. Couldn't help but think that he must. At least a little bit.
And not just because of what she'd done.
He loved her. She knew that he loved her. Would never doubt it.
But that didn't mean there wasn't still space for hate buried inside that love. A space that she'd carved out herself.
And it was a space she'd have to live with.
(there were a lot of things she could only live with)
'Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?'
- The Second Coming by William Butler Yeats
A/N: Drama Queen Tomi is a headcanon that you can rip from my cold dead hands
Yumiko's storyline with Nicole is very important to me because I rarely see domestic violence in wlw relationships discussed - and it needs to be because it's such a big issue. Sexual, physical and emotional abuse is a very important theme throughout these fics and it would be irresponsible of me to focus on the violence perpetrated only by men and to ignore the fact that women can be offenders too. It was something I decided at the very beginning. In saying that, this storyline isn't something I'm including just because I want to push a message. It sprang up organically and then I did over a year's worth of research to be certain that it was something I felt like I could write sensitively and appropriately before making the final decision to include it. Yumiko's backstory with Nicole will be explored throughout my yumagna fics, there are a lot of them in the works so it's not all going to be heaped into one fic. The same goes for Magna's backstory.
I know you're probably getting bored to tears with the lack of yumagna interaction and I really apologize for that. I have all these scenes written for them (at least 20,000 words worth) but my memory and cognitive issues are making it really hard to sort them into chapters and in the correct order. So I procrastinated by writing a bunch of Yumiko Tomi chapters. Which are still important in terms of Yumiko's character and also her relationship with Magna but I didn't mean to write so much. I will be putting in some yumagna flashbacks before we get to them getting back together, though, to tide you over.
speaking of flashbacks, the article incident that Yumiko remembers in this chapter with Magna will appear in a flashback in the fic that's set after Conflict Resolution.
So Yumiko's an incredibly confident and self-assured person but those qualities weaken when she's around her brother. He brings back a lot of old emotions and thoughts that existed during the time when he was most prominent in her life. In a way, a part of her regresses back to that time. I think this is true for a lot people when we're around others who remind us of certain traumas or significant periods in our life. Our feelings, thoughts and behaviors can change to match those times. He also knows where all the bodies are buried, in a manner of speaking. So she is quite vulnerable in these chapters with him. And her feelings of doubt have more of a foothold. And those thoughts and feelings can then attach themselves to her relationship with Magna.
It's not Tomi's fault. And Yumiko, in a way, has this same effect on him. It's one of the reasons why they would avoid each other in the past - though neither is consciously aware of it.