Chapter Four
Temporary Happiness
I wake up my surroundings unfamiliar, making my heart beat faster, fear growing in the pit of my stomach. It takes me a moment to remember where we are and why we are no longer at the farm, in our own little paradise. I miss those easy-going days, the joy and relief that came with being at the farm. I knew the bliss we felt was only ever going to be temporary during these uncertain times. I just wish it didn't come to such an abrupt end, causing us to flee and seek refuge elsewhere. Now that Death Eaters are officially looking for us, we cannot relax and make a home for ourselves somewhere. Nowhere is safe. Draco and I need to disappear, but where is the question? With little money and belongings, we are limited in where we can go. Draco is struggling, I can sense it. He'll never admit it, but this is a far cry from the lavish lifestyle he is used to.
He tells me he loves me and that is all that matters, but if truth be told, I too am struggling. I too miss the stability and the comforts of home. I stare at the ceiling, listening to Draco's steady breathing, finding comfort in his presence. I listen for unwelcome visitors, the charms and magical traps I placed around the home we're currently staying in, there to alert us of Death Eaters or others that wish us harm. Draco rolls over, placing his arm over my torso, snuggling into my side. I relax into him, adjusting myself to get closer to him, my body melting into his. Here in his arms, I feel safe and loved, the worries and fears I have slipping away. Draco's right, all we need is each other. I fall asleep, finding solace in Draco and his closeness.
I wake to a kettle whistling, Draco's side of the bed cold and empty. I get out of bed, slipping on one of Draco's shirt's, leaving the bedroom and walking towards the kitchen. The house we're staying in has two bedrooms, a bathroom, kitchen and lounge. It's small and cosy, decorated with whites and pastel colours. It's eclectic and homey, the woman who lived here a free spirit. I stop to once again look at the photo frames on the hallway wall, pictures telling a story of a happy life. It's almost like I know her, a sense of kinship. I guess that's the Wiccan side of me, recognising another Wiccan. I walk into the kitchen, finding Draco making two cups of tea. He has his back to me, distracted by the task at hand. I make my way to where he is standing, wrapping my arms around his waist, resting my head between his shoulder blades.
"Morning, beautiful," he breathes, his morning voice husky, sexy. It fills me immediately with warmth and affection. I bask in the fact that I'm the lucky one that will get to spend eternity with him. "Morning," I say, planting a soft kiss between his shoulder blades. "Sleep well," Draco asks, taking my hands in his, lifting my arms long enough to turn around, and face me. "Yes," I whisper, as he places a lingering kiss on the top of my head. "You?" I say, closing my eyes, relishing in his affection. "Next to you," Draco meets my gaze, his eyes the colour of a storm cloud, "always." I smile, shaking my head, "I already said yes to marrying you, you don't have to sweettalk me." Draco gives a throaty laugh. "I will sweettalk you for all of eternity, sweetheart." I cannot help the blush that creeps up my neck and settle on my cheeks.
"Okay, Cassanova," I chuckle, giving him a playful push. Draco gives me his devil-may-care smile. "Tea?" he says, letting me go, turning around to hand me a cup. "You know me so well," I smile, taking the offered cup of tea. I head to the little reading nook in the living room, tucking my leg underneath me on the comfy chair. Draco joins me on the other chair, resting his left ankle on his right knee, cup of tea in hand. We're like an old married couple, the moment endearing. Draco meets my gaze, and I see in his eyes the same future I'm currently picturing. "I think we should have something similar in our home," Draco takes a sip of his tea, looking out of the window. The view outside is beautiful, the sea in all its glory visible. The waters are calm, lapping on the shore. There's a family on the beach, the children building a sandcastle.
"View of the ocean, or a reading nook?" I ponder, watching Draco instead of the happy family on the beach. He is happy, the prospect of a future with me making him joyous. His feelings are mine, and my feelings are his. It fills me with utter joy that he loves me that much, that a future together brings him happiness. Draco looks at me, smiling. "Both," he nods, those grey eyes of his sparkling. Again, a blush warms my cheeks, the look in Draco's eyes overwhelming. Who would have thought the Slytherin Prince would fall in love and care so deeply for the Gryffindor Outcast. The boy that didn't know what love truly was, now knows how it feels and how to show it. Not like his father at all. "I'm not my father," Draco repeated my thoughts. For a moment I forgot that my thoughts and feelings are no longer my own. We not only share a soul, but everything that comes with being alive.
"You saved me," Draco states matter-of-factly, holding my gaze. "You saved me too," I say softly, dropping my gaze. I'm reminded of the night I jumped from a cliff, ready to give up on myself and those around me. Draco saved me that night and reminded me that life was still worth living. Without him, I wouldn't have managed the immense grief that came with losing Caleb, and having my family ripped apart. "You will always have me," Draco pledges, getting to his feet. He crouches down in front of me, taking my free hand in his. He brings it up to his lips, kissing the palm of my hand, forcing me to look at him "I will not leave you." I smile, the smile not reaching my eyes. "You can't promise that," I whisper, shaking my head. Draco nods, current times too unpredictable, "I will always fight to get back to you."
"I know," I give his hand a squeeze, the determination in him strong. Draco once told me that I make him feel brave and strong, everything he wasn't before we met. But, if I'm honest, he makes me feel brave and strong too. Draco lets go of my hand, and takes a seat again. "So, a beach house it is," he says, looking outside at the young family. "With big windows, and lots of clutter," I contribute. "Not too much clutter," Draco shakes his head, looking at me again. I laugh, "fine, but I want big and comfy furniture in colours other than black and green."
"Black and green are child friendly," Draco notes. "Won't show dirt and grime."
"That's true, but what's a house without mess and stains?"
"Bite your tongue, Elizabeth would never allow it," Draco jokes, his eyes twinkling. "My mother will have a coronary," I laugh, taking a sip from my tea. "I'm thinking a boy and a girl," Draco says after a couple of moments of peaceful silence. "I think they're two girls," I reply, watching the children play on the beach. They've given up on building a sandcastle, instead they're splashing about in the water. "Not them," Draco chortles. "I think we should have a boy and girl."
"Oh," I respond, again blushing. Talking about our future making me feel delightful.
The weather's turned for the worst, wind and rain battering the small seaside home. The weather by the sea, worse than that on the farm. The miserable weather matching that of my inner turmoil. I'm sitting in the reading nook, knees hugged to my chest, staring out the window at the darkening sky, the weather getting worse. Draco stormed out a couple of hours ago, his anger lingering in my bones, a permanent chill. I hug my knees tighter against my chest, trying to warm up the ice that's settling in my heart. Draco's rage took me by surprise, his mood thunderous. He woke up in a bad mood, the night before tossing and turning. I knew he was struggling, his mind chaos. I felt him slip away from me, his past demons rearing their ugly heads again, threatening to ruin the progress we've made. Draco put up walls as soon as he woke, cutting me off.
The emptiness was instant, my soul plunged into a darkness that was all encompassing. Going from being connected body and soul, to being stripped of your other half, painful. When I asked him about it, he reverted back to his cold and distant self. "I am no good for you Em," he had told me, his voice that of someone else. He was so mad. It scared me when he looked at me, the tumultuous rage inside him uncontrollable. "You have ruined me!" that sliced through me, causing physical pain. "I can't do this anymore," he declared, grabbing his coat, leaving through the front door, the bang of the door closing behind him like a slap to the face. I stood watching the door for some time, confused as to what exactly happened. What had caused the drastic change within Draco. The hopelessness I've been supressing surfaced, threatening to pull me under, drowning me in its stormy waters.
I get up off the chair, no longer able to keep myself warm, the chill I'm feeling enveloping my whole body. I take myself to bed, getting beneath the covers, allowing myself to wallow in the sadness I've been hiding from. Draco's thoughts flicker to life inside me, a glimmer of hope. I take the opportunity to plead with him. "Please come home, Draco." As quickly as I felt him, he is gone. Tears fall on the pillow beneath me, his absence agonising. The front door opens, calmness settling in the house. I can hear Draco's footsteps getting louder as he gets closer to the bedroom. I watch him as he enters, kicking off his shoes. He gets into bed behind me, scootching closer, wrapping his arm around my waist. Draco pulls me flush against him, burying his nose in my hair, inhaling deeply. "Please forgive me," he whispers, kissing the side of my head. I turn on my back, meeting Draco's sad gaze. I reach out, placing my hand on his cheek.
"I love you, Draco," I murmur, tracing his lips with my thumb, our gazes locked. Draco closes his eyes, as I reach up, pressing my lips against his. Draco kisses me with a wildness I haven't felt from him in weeks, needing to be reminded of our bond…our love. He needs me to push through the darkness within him, and fill him with the light that shines so brightly when we're together and connected. Draco's fingers grip my face, as he kisses me, all his emotions spilling from him, crashing into me. I lose myself in those feelings, as Draco moves, my body pressed into the mattress by Draco's body weight as his body covers mine. "I didn't mean what I said," Draco tells me, between kisses, conveying his true feelings in each kiss. "I know," I breathe as Draco leave a trail of warm kisses down my neck and collarbone. Draco's hands move down my body, drawing my attention to how much he is craving me.
"I need you," Draco whispered in my ear, his hands slipping beneath my shirt, cold against my naked flesh. I recognise the need in Draco, basking in it, allowing Draco to fill the void he created when he walked out earlier. This is not how we should deal with what happened earlier, we should talk. But right now, I can only think of Draco and my need for him and his for me. Clothing items gather one by one on the floor beside the bed, every touch…every kiss connecting our bodies, our souls, our magic. The air is thick with vibrating magic, as we move together, fingers interlaced above my head, each moan swallowed with a kiss. I call out Draco's name as our bodies shudder together, reaching our high, magic bursting around us like sparklers. Draco collapses on top of me, burying his face in the hollow of my neck, as I trace circles on his back with my fingers.
My right hand moves to Draco's hair, my left hand resting on his back. "You really hurt me, Draco," I say, scraping my nails gently over his scalp, staring at the ceiling. Draco is quiet for a moment, trying to calm the chaos in his head. "All I want is to keep you safe, Emily," Draco says, his lips brushing against my skin. "I am the reason you're not safe." Draco moves, sitting back, meeting my gaze. "If you never met me, never loved me," Draco drops his gaze, not looking at me anymore. He moves, sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to me. I sit up, staring at Draco. "I'd still be in danger," I say, reaching out, placing my hand on his back. Draco turns to look at me, the war he's having with himself there for all to see in his grey eyes.
"It that what today was all about?" I ask, moving to be closer to him, wrapping myself around him. Draco adjusts, making us both more comfortable. "I'm terrified of losing you, and this morning all I could think about is something happening to you," Draco admits, running his fingers over my calf. I rest my hands on his shoulder, and my chin on my hands. "Draco," I whisper, placing one hand on his chest, the other running my fingers through his hair. "I'd always choose you," I tell him earnestly. Draco takes hold of my hand on his chest, raising it to his mouth, kissing my wrist. "Please don't push me away, again." Draco nods, resting his head against my chest. "I'm sorry for hurting you."