Chapter 2
Once they were brought to a nearby FBI compound, the Loud family was split up. All five of the children went to one cell, Lynn Sr. went to another, and Rita went to a third. Inside the sterile white room that was kept uncomfortably cool, the woman suffered extreme humiliation as she was forced to undress in front of the (male) guards and re-dress in a shirt and pants that resembled bright orange hospital scrubs. She was then left alone for over an hour while she and her family were processed.
At the end of the waiting period, the guards came back and took Rita to an interrogation room, complete with a solid steel table with built-in handcuffs, a plain steel chair without cushions or contouring, and a large mirror that Rita knew from watching crime documentaries to be a pane of one-way glass. The guards roughly pushed her into the chair and fastened her wrists to the table, cinching the handcuffs almost unbearably tight. The guards walked out, and Agent Saunders walked in, and she shot him a withering glare.
"If you harm a single hair on any of my kids..." she began, only for him to interrupt her.
"Relax, Mrs. Loud, your children are fine. A little unnerved, but otherwise unharmed. It's you who I'm worried about." Agent Saunders snapped his fingers, and a plush leather computer chair was brought into the room for him to sit down. "Tell me about everything that happened during your supposed...disappearance. Your husband and children claimed that you were abducted by aliens, but I want to hear what happened from your own lips. Keep in mind that I'll be able to tell if you're lying."
Left with no alternative, Rita told him everything. The complete, honest truth. Agent Saunders retained a passive, stony expression during her confession. When she finished, he pulled out a manilla folder with slanted dark blue stripes along the edge and placed it in front of her.
"Mrs. Loud, this is an X-file. In my line of work, an X-file is a case that has never been solved and has no logical explanation. Open it up," he told her. Her handcuffs had just enough slack to let her do as he said, and what she saw chilled her to the bone. The first few pictures had been taken in a jungle and showed damaged military vehicles and trees with symmetrical slashes on the trunks. Others were from a city and showed similar damage. What the two sets of pictures had in common, though, was a multitude of skinless human corpses. "Mrs. Loud, this extraterrestrial race that you call the Yautja appear to have no civility at all. Two individuals in two different locations hunted these poor people for sport and took their skins as trophies. We attempted to capture or kill both of them. The Jungle Hunter, as we call the first one, utilized a suicide bomb upon being bested in single combat. Its body and equipment were vaporized instantly, as was everything within a two-hundred-foot radius. The whereabouts of the City Hunter remain unknown," Agent Saunders explained and slid her one last photo, taken from the city location. It depicted a colossal bipedal creature that greatly resembled Tech, if Tech was covered head-to-foot in highly polished armor bristling with weapons. "If this is what they intend for your child to become, then I must insist that you allow us to terminate your pregnancy immediately." Rita's heart stopped.
"WHAT?! NO! THERE'S NO WAY I'M LETTING YOU KILL AN INNOCENT BABY! MUCH LESS MY INNOCENT BABY!" she screamed, attempting to lunge at his throat only for the chain of the handcuffs to jerk taught.
"I was afraid you'd say that," Agent Saunders said with a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to resort to this, but..." He pulled a walkie-talkie from inside his suit coat and spoke into it, "Bring them in." Rita's ears perked up when she heard the voices of her children in the hall outside the interrogation room.
"Mommy! Mommy, help!"
"They're hurting us, Mommy!"
"I'll have you court-martialed for this, you repugnant palookas!"
"WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
One by one, Rita's children were shoved into the room. With the exception of baby Lucy, who was crying inconsolably, they were dressed identically to their mother. The only one who remained silent was Lily, who also had Lucy cradled in her arms. The guards escorting them squeezed their arms and shoulders tightly, forcing them to stand still in a row.
"All of you, SHUT UP!" roared Agent Saunders, and the girls (with the exception of Lucy) fell silent. "Much better. Now, Mrs. Loud, I'm going to give you a choice," he said, pulling a handgun from inside his suit coat and cocking it. "You can consent to the abortion now, or you can watch your children die one by one until you consent. In the event that I run out of children to shoot, you will receive the abortion by force." Agent Saunders pried Lucy out of Lily's arms and pressed the muzzle of the gun to her forehead. "So, which will it be, Mrs. Loud?" Rita was about to consent in order to save her remaining children when Lisa spoke up.
"Wait! I believe I can offer an alternative!" The guard holding her promptly clapped his hand over her mouth, only to let go of her entirely with a shout of pain when she sank her teeth into his palm. "Let me speak, you rambunctious roughnecks! As I was saying, I have come up with an alternative to terminating Mother's pregnancy. I happen to be a Nobel-winning scientist in my own right. If you will allow Mother to carry her child to term, I will keep tabs on them as they grow and develop. If these extraterrestrials are as formidable as you claim, the child may become a valuable ally to the United States, provided that they inherit most if not all of their biological father's skill sets. What say you in the matter?" Agent Saunders seemed to think hard about Lisa's offer, so she decided to throw in a little blackmail for good measure. "I've also done thorough research on you and your habits, Sander Saunders, and frankly, you utterly disgust me. I think your superiors would be very interested in a man afflicted with both pedophilia and necrophilia at the exact same time." The agent's eyes widened, as did those of the guards.
"Okay! Okay! You win! You and your family will be sent home immediately," Agent Saunders cried out in fear.
"I think we should also receive financial and therapeutic compensation for our appalling maltreatment while in this facility," Lisa added.
"Yes! Whatever you want! Just don't make that information public!"
...
With their FBI nightmare finally over, the Louds were able to return to a somewhat normal life. Lisa convinced Agent Saunders to personally cover the cost of therapy sessions for the trauma he had inflicted on the individual members of the family. In addition, the family received so much financial compensation that Lynn was able to quit the job that he hated and attend his dream culinary school so that he could open a restaurant.
When the time came for Rita to give birth, Lisa hired a nurse from the local hospital named Maria Santiago, who by coincidence had recently returned to work from maternity leave, to assist in the delivery at their house and keep the child's origins under wraps. The child was a healthy baby boy, with skin that was gray with a green tint and odd, random patches of scales; fingers and toes that were tipped with hard black claws; a nose that was little more than a bump; and a full head of ashen-blond hair much like their grandfather's (some would call it white, but it was closer to light gray or silver). Lisa stated that the terms of her agreement with Agent Saunders required that they name the child after an influential person from American history, so after much consideration, they named him Lincoln.
The Santiago and Loud families grew closer over time, and Maria's husband Arturo brought their daughter Ronalda Anne, or Ronnie for short, for regularly scheduled playdates with Lincoln. Rita eventually produced five more children with Lynn, all of which were girls. The first one born after Lincoln was named Lynn Junior. Then came the twins, Luan and Luna. After them came Leni and finally Lori. Lincoln was ten years old by the time Lori was born, and as promised, Lisa carefully studied his development.
His appearance was humanoid enough that they passed off his alien features as a bizarre genetic abnormality that skipped several generations. Lincoln was stronger and faster than other children his age, almost brutishly so, although he was very mild-mannered. Rita had to stop breastfeeding him earlier than she intended, because once he started teething, his teeth were all pointed canines with the exception of his molars.
The only parts of him that were truly "alien" were his vocal cords and his yellow slit-pupiled eyes. His vocal cords were made for speaking in the grunts, growls, and clicks that made up the native Yautja language, and he could only speak a few scattered words in English, signing the rest of the time. He understood English well enough, though, and for the most part, his family and those who knew him well could tell what he was trying to say even without Sign Language.
The Santiagos weren't the only family the Louds made friends with over the years. Outside of Ronnie, the first friend Lincoln ever made while he was in school was a boy named Clyde McBride. Clyde and Lincoln were both bullied, Lincoln for his looks and Clyde for the fact that he had two dads. Lincoln protected Clyde from being beaten up on several occasions, showing that he himself had a natural affinity for hand-to-hand combat. As a way to convey his gratitude, Clyde shared some of his hobbies with Lincoln, who grew to love video games and comic books.
There were many hardships as well. Most of the children Lincoln first started school with, in preschool and kindergarten, liked him for who he was as a person. Most of their parents, on the other hand, took one look at him an immediately judged him to be a monster. It led to several arguments and parent-teacher conferences, all of which determined that Lincoln and his parents were not the ones at fault. Which leads us to our present situation...