Chapter Eight

Chicago, Illinois
April, 2014

It occurred to Gabby, as she sat by Melissa's bedside, alone for the first time with her ex-girlfriend since she had arrived in Chicago, that she had never truly understood what it was to feel relieved. Sure she had experienced many situations where the result could easily be described as relieving, but those moments and feelings paled in significance when compared to Melissa being okay. Melissa being alive. Melissa looking through heavy lids at her with an air of inevitability.

This sense of relief was an all new ball game.

Gabby felt a gentle squeeze of her hand and blinked a couple of times, allowing reality to come back into focus. Melissa's hand was in hers and she had an expectant look on her face. "You gave me a real scare, Kiddo."

Melissa half smiled through the haze of the painkillers. She couldn't stop staring at those emerald green eyes she had seen in her mind when she thought that it was all over for her. She was cognisant of the fact that she had already seen Gabby the day before, but this time it was just the two of them. This time she had the freedom to think and feel and say anything that came to mind, and yet all she could do was stare for the longest time. Finally, when she focused enough to see the anxiety on her ex's face she managed a softer smile. "Can't get rid of me that easily."

The relief was palpable. Gabby squeezed Melissa's hand, relishing that physical tether between them. There was so much unsaid and so much unknown. She knew that she loved Melissa, and would always love her. She didn't know for sure if that was reciprocated, although the way Melissa's smile reached ocean blue eyes gave her some hope.

If she were a betting woman she would feel confident that Melissa had had herself an epiphany, but she wasn't. In fact she felt quite anxious with regards to what was going to happen next, but she was mindful not to put too much stress on her love. She had a long road to recovery, and Gabby was all too familiar with the toll that serious injuries could take on the body and mind. She still hadn't truly recovered mentally from her car accident, years prior. Although Maura would always like to remind her that the changes, while sometimes difficult for her to navigate, were mostly good ones as far as her interpersonal relationships went. Gabby supposed being more in touch with her emotions could be viewed that way.

"I'm glad you're here."

Gabby's eyes snapped back to attention, realising her mind had been drifting. She smiled instinctively upon processing what Melissa had said. "As if I would be anywhere else."

Melissa's face fell as her thoughts drifted back through the past two years and the fact that Gabby had chosen to be anywhere but there. That she had chosen to be basically incommunicado and had clearly only been drawn out by the dire nature of her life threatening situation. "I missed you."

It would have been very easy to bring up Kelly in that moment and the photos that had made it into a couple of the tabloid magazines. It would have been very easy to bring up the obvious affection between Melissa and Kelly the day before when she had briefly been awake. It would have been, but Gabby knew that it didn't matter what jealousy and anger she felt from the way things had played out. She had chosen to sit back and watch from the outside. She had been invited back in, but she hadn't even bothered acknowledging that, yet alone accepting it. She had let it all fester the way it had, so she didn't get to be mad about it now.

Gabby had no choice but to settle for the undeniable truth, which even Jane would be able to attest to. "I missed you too."

"I want to come home."

There was something about the way Melissa said it that told Gabby she meant more than Launceston. It was about them. "Take your time to think on that one, Kiddo. I'll be here, when you're sure."

Melissa studied Gabby for a couple of minutes. The silence wasn't awkward, it rarely ever was between them. They had always been so comfortable together. Even then, as she lay in a hospital bed with wires everywhere, they were comfortable. "It was you. It was always you."

Gabby's brow furrowed, the words made sense and yet they didn't. It felt like quite a leap from where they had been and if it was a declaration, then it would be best if Melissa waited until life had calmed down to be making one. "I'm not sure…"

"When I was sure I was dying. When my consciousness was fading, it was you I saw. It comforted me."

Gabby squeezed Melissa's hand in acknowledgement of how touched she felt. All the while ducking her head away to quickly brush away the tear or two that had pooled in her eyes. "Well you didn't. You're still here, and that's what matters."

"I'm not sure you're understanding me…"

"I understand completely." Gabby didn't mean to cut Melissa off, but she couldn't face the thought of hearing all the things she had longed to hear, only for it to be taken away when life settled down and returned to normal. She wanted Melissa to make all the declarations, but only once she was healed and settled in life, wherever she chose to take it.

Melissa sighed and closed her eyes. She understood Gabby's hesitance, but she didn't feel like her ex was truly hearing her. She had had a near death experience that had provided her a level of clarity few people were afforded. She didn't want to waste another minute of their lives dancing around the truth. They belonged together. She could see the love in Gabby's eyes and she felt it in her touch. "I should have said yes."

"Perhaps, but then you wouldn't have chased your dreams. I'm glad you got to chase them."

Perspective. Sometimes it only came with hindsight, and hindsight said that she would have given it all up to have become Gabby's wife. "Well, I have new dreams now."

Gabby found the way Melissa chose to speak with her head buried as deep in the pillow as possible with her eyes closed to be simply adorable. "I will be right here waiting for you."

Melissa's heart ached a little as while she was sure it wasn't intended, she couldn't help but think of the Richard Marx song. She opened her eyes and sat up. She swallowed thickly as she scrutinised Gabby more closely. With a quirk of an eyebrow and a challenge she wasn't sure would be recognised she attempted to sing, "Oh can't you see it baby, you've got me goin' crazy…"

Gabby rolled her eyes and shook her head. "At least I know you're not brain damaged. Everything's a song in your head."

Melissa grinned. "Well, I am who I am."

It was nice to see Melissa smile the way she was. It had been too long. "I wouldn't change it."

"I would." Melissa's tone was serious, "I love you Gabby, I've never stopped loving you."

Gabby sighed. "I know you do. I just think you should take time to be sure where you want to be."

Melissa frowned, before it dawned on her the elephant in the room, or as was the case, out of the room. "Your reluctance is because of Kelly?"

Gabby let go of the hand she had been holding and pushed the chair she was in back. Holding the difficult emotions in would have been more preferable in an attempt to keep Melissa's stress levels low, but Gabby couldn't help her agitation. The relief she felt that Melissa was going to be okay did a lot to shore up her own feelings, but loving Melissa didn't equate to things being so simple. She had been hurt, and while Gabby knew that she had brought the majority of it on herself by choosing to stay out of her exes life for the sake of her dreams, it didn't stop the hurt she felt because of Kelly and that entire relationship. It didn't stop the doubts that lingered. Was all of this just a near death experience talking?

"I wish it was as easy for me as it appears to be for you," Gabby reluctantly admitted.

"I'd hardly call any of this easy." Melissa vaguely motioned at and around herself. "I'd call it clarity."

"You've been with her for more than a year, Missy. You can't tell me there aren't any feelings there."

It was closer to a year and a half, but Melissa thought it best not to point that out. She sighed and gently laid back down, the exhaustion of the strain on her body getting the better of her. She turned her head to maintain a level of eye contact. "She has been a huge support to me, and she helped to take the edge off of things when it started getting difficult being away from you and home. Not once have I ever told her that I loved her."

Gabby frowned, it wasn't really a denial. "Do you have feelings for her?"

"Gabby, just let it go, yeah? There was never anything there that could make me stay, not now."

"So you would leave her, even if I weren't interested in picking up where we left off?"

Melissa hesitated for a moment, because while she was certain she needed to be with Gabby, she wasn't sure she would choose loneliness over a relationship with Kelly. Kelly loved her, she knew that and the woman had been so supportive in her times of need, so far as to have even saved her life. If Gabby didn't want her, she would stay where she was wanted.

Gabby read straight through the hesitation and shook her head in frustration. She had chosen to let Melissa chase her dreams, because she knew that there wasn't another person on the planet she would love the same way. That was enough for her to choose a life of romantic solitude, while waiting to see if Melissa would return to her once she was done playing softball professionally. Of course people were built differently and she was more comfortable being alone. Being alone was something Melissa had always struggled with, and to some degree she understood that, but it hurt nonetheless. "That's what I thought."

"Are you really going to make me go through this again, Gabby? Are you going to continue to punish me for past mistakes, rather than just accept the happiness being offered to you?"

Gabby had to admit that Melissa had made a good point. She was most certainly falling back on old ways, reluctant to put her heart on the line from the fear of Melissa stomping all over it for a third time. She had barely recovered from the first two times, a third time and there wouldn't be much left of her. "You've broken my heart twice now, Missy. Do you really expect me not to be more guarded with giving my heart away again?"

"What more do you need from me, beside me returning home to you? Just tell me and I'll give it, Gabby."

"It's simple really," Gabby said firmly, "You know what you need to do."

Melissa closed her eyes again. She understood. She had to take the leap of faith with no guarantees and if she couldn't then there was little chance Gabby would get out of her own way. She felt several tears come unbidden, as the emotion of the situation threatened to get the better of her. Drop Kelly like a hot potato or settle. It was quite simple really, the choice she had to make. "I love you Gabby," she reiterated, "Consider it done."

Launceston, Tasmania
October, 2014

Gabby had been having the worst night. Ambushed by Maura about Kelly staying, right before she showed up and then the literal scuffle they had had. After being scolded by Maura she retreated to the upstairs guest bedroom to lick her wounds. She knew that Maura wanted her to act like a responsible adult and talk things out with Kelly, but what woman in her right mind would sit down and talk to another person whose sole goal was to steal her lover. She would respect Maura's wishes and be cordial in Kelly's presence, but she already knew that she was going to go back home sooner rather than later. Jane's offer of refuge had inadvertently taken her out of the cooking pot and thrown her right into the fire.

Kelly had always been her main concern before she even took Melissa back. Rather, Melissa's feelings for Kelly had been her main concern. At least that fear would end up being addressed whether she liked it or not, as she highly doubted she could keep Kelly from Melissa, no matter how hard she tried. There was a small part of her that welcomed it. If Melissa rejected Kelly's advances then she would be reinvigorated in her goal to help her girlfriend through the hardest time of her life. She didn't much like the way she or her partner had allowed things to progress, but if she didn't have to worry about the spectre of Kelly, she would be better. She would do better. She would get Melissa help, whether she wanted it or not.

The thoughts that plagued her had haunted her through a quick dinner, scarfed down with as little eye contact with Kelly as possible. Kelly had retired for the night to the downstairs guest room, which on some childish level filled Gabby with glee. That room was small and cramped.

She had spent an hour debriefing and destressing with Jane and Maura after dinner, and she tried to care about what Jane told her. She tried to understand that it was quite literally the killer that was responsible for Melissa getting shot. It was a fluke accident. It wasn't bad aim. Although she had to question why any American wouldn't shoot to kill in that situation on the first shot. If Kelly had done that, then Melissa wouldn't have been hurt. At least not physically. She figured that was one question she could ask Kelly, but then shook it off. She didn't need to be talking to that woman about anything. She wanted to take Melissa away from her.

Gabby had then retired upstairs to the spacious, comfortable guest room, which again filled her with a childish amount of glee. It was the little things making her life tolerable at that point in time. If she didn't find joy somewhere for brief moments she would disappear into her emotions for good. She welcomed the relief that those moments brought her. They were all too short lived, but they were keeping her head above water.

She had called Alec and talked to him for a few minutes, getting an update on the case, which only added to her frustrations. They were pretty much at a standstill, unable to locate the Triple Zero caller and no other avenue of inquiry had worked out. He had mentioned that her promotion to detective would go through within a week or two, and she just couldn't find any excitement for it. Not given the circumstances. She did relish the thought of getting to work alongside Alec more often and the opportunity to keep working on the Dyson murder investigation, but that was it.

Gabby had changed for bed and settled in against the comfortable, high thread count, Egyptian cotton sheets. It was entirely too early for sleep by her usual standards, but the past several months had caught up with her. She was exhausted and while she managed a few hours of disturbed sleep, she had ended up laying awake in bed staring into the dark. She missed Melissa. Not the woman that currently slept in her bed, but the one she had known briefly before she had left to chase her dreams. It weighed her mind down and prevented her body from getting the rest it needed.

She tossed and turned even going so far as to grab the spare pillow and clutch it against her chest in an attempt to find some comfort. It didn't matter what she did, she couldn't shut her brain off and find that elusive sleep. It was still incredibly early, just after four in the morning when she gave up on going back to sleep. She wanted to shower, but it was too early to use the upstairs bathroom, given it was right next to the master bedroom. She didn't want to disturb Maura and Jane.

There was the downstairs bathroom, and so Gabby got her clothes for the day together and grabbed a towel and what she needed to wash her body and hair and tip toed downstairs. The fact that the bathroom was next to the downstairs guest room and she might disturb Kelly's sleep, was one of those little things that brought her temporary joy. The hot water hitting her tired, aching neck and shoulder muscles was another of those little things that brought her joy. Feeling fresh and ready to conquer the day, despite her tiredness, when she was showered and dressed was another little moment.

Walking into the kitchen to make some tea, only to find Kelly leaning against the countertop with a steaming cup of coffee in hand, was not one of those joyous moments. Gabby sighed heavily. "Morning," she mumbled, in an attempt to be civil.

Kelly, having slept well due to her jetlag, was feeling more like her usual pragmatic self and remembered her promise to keep the peace while in the house. She motioned towards the coffee pot and said, "I made coffee, if you want some."

Gabby stood awkwardly for a few moments with many varying thoughts bouncing through her head. She settled on the least offensive and with a wave of her hand declined. "I'm more of a tea drinker myself, but thank you."

Kelly watched Gabby stand around awkwardly for another few seconds before setting about to make said tea. She sipped her own coffee and tried to think of something she could say to break the ice further, but felt at a loss. There wasn't really much she could say that wasn't potentially going to light a raging inferno given the circumstances. She was there to steal Gabby's woman after all.

Gabby knew the smart thing to do was to make her tea and then leave Kelly in the kitchen. She didn't need to be opening up old wounds or creating new ones, not with everything going on in her life, but she knew why Kelly was there and she couldn't stop thinking about what Jane had told her before bed. Kelly had fired a warning shot. She turned from the counter she was working at to look over at Kelly who maintained her casual lean against the counter next to the sink. "I want to ask you something, if you don't mind?"

Gabby's tone wasn't aggressive, if anything she appeared to be genuinely curious and that caused Kelly a moment of pause. She had figured that Gabby would pretty much almost always be hostile, and yet here she seemed genuinely calm. Of course there was the possibility she was about to be ambushed by the next question, but she had her own curiosity and it couldn't hurt to better understand the mindset of her rival.

Kelly took another sip of her coffee before nodding slightly and saying, "Go ahead."

Gabby took several deep breaths to push down the rage that immediately would start building every time she thought about that night and nearly losing Melissa. She wasn't asking to start a war, she respected Maura too much to be doing that at all, yet alone while her friend was still upstairs sleeping. Feeling the deep breaths working she said, "I just want to start by acknowledging that I'm about to ask something that's been a bit contentious between us, but I just want you to know I'm just trying to understand. I'm not trying to start anything right now."

Kelly felt the tension in her body triple as she studied Gabby apprehensively. This was clearly not going to be a comfortable conversation, but her own conversation with Jane the evening prior fueled her desire to at least attempt an adult conversation with the woman standing in front of her. She placed her coffee mug down on the counter beside her and turned back to Gabby who was eyeing her expectantly. "Okay, let's do this. Ask your questions."

Gabby felt very cognisant all of a sudden of her hands, and started rubbing them down her thighs, the tension was palpable. "Jane explained a few things last night and I just can't wrap my head around the fact you fired a warning shot. Can you explain to me why, in the situation you found yourself, would you do that?"

Kelly let out a long sigh. Gabby hadn't been wrong about the contentious nature of her topic. She ran her hand through her hair nervously as she tried to recall things as they happened and not the jumbled blur of horror they had become after the fact. "In all honesty, the horror of the situation wasn't what I first saw. I saw an intruder and my instinct was to fire a warning."

While Gabby could understand part of Kelly's perspective, there was one pervasive thought that wouldn't stop nagging at the back of her brain. "I just don't get it. I mean, I understand what you are saying, but you were literally in Chicago, the murder capital of the United States!"

Kelly frowned. It wasn't surprising that an outsider would view it that way given the level of gang violence in the city, but it was far from the murder capital. Yes, more people were murdered in Chicago than any other US city in 2013, but on a per capita basis the city was doing a lot better than the likes of Detroit, Newark, Baltimore and New Orleans. In fact the murder rate had dropped, and a lot of the murders were from gang related violence. Furthermore, her neighbourhood was quite safe, so no she hadn't been expecting the horror she walked in on in the slightest. "Gang violence accounts for a lot of those murders you know and my neighbourhood had a record of being pretty safe."

"Oh come on Kelly," Gabby couldn't keep all the agitation from her voice, "That's not what would have been going through your head. You carried a weapon with you for a reason."

"There was an intruder, and I thought I had the upper hand. I did have the upper hand, what happened was an unfortunate accident. Why the hell can't you just accept that?"

Gabby instinctively took a step towards Kelly, as her hackles were raised and her rage was looking for an outlet. Still she held back and ground out, "You're fucking American. You could have put that bastard down and walked away with no damn consequences."

"Contrary to popular belief, not every American is inclined to shoot to kill just because someone is in their home. Especially not when he wasn't armed with a fuckin' gun of his own!" Kelly was incensed, she was tired of feeling the need to defend her actions time and time again, when she had literally saved Melissa's life.

"How well did that work out for you, huh?" Gabby asked sarcastically.

"Probably a Hell of a lot better than you think." Kelly spat in return, her body bristling with anger. It just wasn't easy being anything but antagonistic around Gabby for too long. She was just so infuriating.

Gabby threw her head back and laughed at the audacity of the woman in front of her. With a shake of her head she said, "You're delusional if you think anything's changed. She chose me then, and she'll choose me now."

Kelly folded her arms across her chest and quirked an eyebrow. "If you were confident in your assertion, you wouldn't be so damn antagonistic."

"I'm antagonistic," Gabby said as she took a couple more steps closer to Kelly, so that she was standing close enough to intimidate. "Because I can't fucking stand you."

Kelly took the challenge for what it was and bridged what was left of the gap between them. She stood toe to toe with Gabby and a smug smile curled at her lips. "What can't you stand Gabby? The fact that I showed Missy the love and respect she deserved when you were too busy licking your wounds? Or is it the knowledge that she spent eighteen months with me? That's not something you do when you're just in it for shits and giggles."

It took all of Gabby's willpower not to fall back at that powerful barb. One thing she was learning was that Kelly didn't need to use her fists because she had a talent at finding the right words to slice right through any opponent. Gabby snarled and huffed out her frustration. She pressed her index finger into Kelly's sternum. "You need to learn respect."

Kelly smiled a sweet kind of smile, one that would border the most innocent of radiant smiles Maura would throw to those she loved, but this smile had some bite. "I'm not the one sleeping with another woman's wife!"

There was no stopping the involuntary backwards step after those words hit home. Gabby did a double take and shook her head in disbelief. "You're fucking lying."

"If you don't believe me, just ask your girlfriend." Kelly was leaning into her verbal punches with the recognition that she had her opponent on the ropes. "I'm surprised she didn't mention it to you, afterall you're the love of her life, right? That's what she tells you right?"

Gabby's stare would have bore a hole through any lesser woman, but Kelly didn't flinch and only met it with one of her own. Gabby swallowed down some bile that had forced its way up and she retreated several steps. There had to be an explanation for this bomb that had just been dropped on her head. Not that she was sure any explanation could fix Melissa's omission of the topic. Gabby was shaken to her core, so far as to believe she may have been irrevocably changed by the morning's revelation.

"Go on," Kelly said making a shooing motion with her hand, "Run home to Missy and ask her."

It took willpower that Gabby didn't know she even had not to launch herself at Kelly and beat the ever living crap out of her. Instead she just shook her head and walked out of the kitchen. She was going to do exactly as instructed and ask Melissa herself if it were true. She knew it was, deep down in her soul, she knew it was true. She just had to hear it from her girlfriend.

"Gabby?" Jane asked, having come down the stairs after being woken by the voices from the kitchen. She had been worried all Hell was about to break loose and she really didn't need Maura to be any more annoyed with her, so she chose to investigate.

Gabby looked up at Jane and without preamble or explanation simply asked in the most hollow of voices, "Did you know?"

Jane stared blankly at Gabby, legitimately confused as to what it was she might know that Gabby didn't. She was fairly certain at this point, that aside from the mystery whiskey bottle, there wasn't anything she knew that her friend didn't. That wasn't something Kelly was aware of either, so that made it a real head scratcher. "Know what?"

"That Missy married Kelly."

Jane visibly blanched at the news. That felt like a sucker punch to her gut. She couldn't begin to imagine how that would have made Gabby feel. She quickly glanced Gabby over looking for obvious signs of fighting, but there was nothing fresh. She exhaled her relief as she shook her head in disbelief. That was a huge secret for everyone to have kept. No wonder Kelly was pissed when she took Gabby's side back in Chicago. What the Hell was Melissa thinking keeping that secret? "I didn't know."

Gabby nodded repeatedly, her whole body continuing to vibrate with an unholy energy. The cold comfort that Jane had not known didn't dissuade her from her destination though. "I'll be back later."

Jane watched Gabby as she crossed the foyer to the front door. She asked the question she already knew the answer to. "Where are you going?"

Hand on the front door, Gabby looked back over her shoulder. "To end it."

A/N: Apologies for the OC heavy chapter, but we have just hit the end of the end of the beginning, the soap shenanigans are only just beginning. For those enjoying the ride, you may want to strap in! Thanks to everyone who is reading, I appreciate you greatly.