Chapter Eleven

Jane came to an abrupt halt when she walked in the front door as she almost ran into Melissa. "Hey," she said, searching with her eyes to make sure there wasn't anything wrong.

Melissa had stirred when the sound of voices had filtered inside the house and now she was just staring at Jane. "I don't care how friendly you are with Gabby, she will kill you if she ever finds out you wore that."

"Uh yeah, I was kind of informed of something similar by Maura. I didn't realise when I grabbed something to wear while our clothes were in the wash." She held up her overnight bag, "Thankfully Maura dropped off a change of clothes, so I can change and put this shirt away like nothing ever happened."

Melissa nodded absently, it was nothing more than reflex worrying about that shirt and she knew that Gabby wasn't hers to worry about anymore. She walked back into the bedroom, conscious was the last thing she needed to be.

Jane followed after her. "So, there's actually something I need to run by you."

"What's that?" Melissa asked, sitting down on the bed.

There was no real easy way to broach the topic, so Jane decided to rip the bandaid off and be direct. "Kelly's here, she'd like to see you."

Melissa had been staring at the wardrobe across the room but turned to look at Jane when she processed what she heard. "She actually has the nerve to show up here?"

Jane shifted uncomfortably on her feet. It was hard to gauge what Melissa was thinking when she embraced her inner numbness. Her words suggested disapproval, but her face was passive, almost resigned. "It's entirely your choice, Missy. She knows that."

Melissa didn't know what to think. Kelly was the only one that could have spilled the marriage beans to Gabby and as such was responsible for the final nail in her relationship's coffin. There was no logical reason to reward the behaviour that had been so detrimental to her life, and yet part of her wanted to know why. She wanted to understand how it came about that a person who had professed she still loved her could be so self centred. "I don't know if I can face her, Jane. After what she did this morning, how could I?"

Sensing that Melissa was on the fence about it Jane tried a different tact, not for Kelly's sake, but because she thought at the very least Melissa needed some closure on her time with Kelly. It would be one less thing swirling around in her brain causing chaos. "Would you consider talking to her for my sake? Because what if you can accept what she has to say? What if she can be a friend to you again? What if there's someone else here to help me help you?"

The possibility it could help Jane was all it took for Melissa to nod in agreement. She knew how hard it already was on Jane, she couldn't possibly keep calling out of work and she knew Jane would never trust leaving her alone. "For you Jane, I will talk to her."

"Thank you," Jane said sincerely. "Did you want me to be here, or did you want to talk to her alone?"

"I think it would be best if I do this alone."

"Alright. I'll show her inside."

"Thank you," Melissa said softly, adding, "Oh and Jane, get changed after you bring her into the living room. I really wasn't joking about that shirt."

"Right, yes." Jane agreed, formulating her game plan out loud as she left the room, "Get Kelly, change, go get more boxes. Sound plan." She bounced down the front steps and strode out to the front gate where Maura and Kelly stood, waiting.

Maura raised an eyebrow at the fact Jane had yet to change and was still wearing Gabby's favourite shirt. "Did you forget something, Jane?"

Jane looked down at the shirt and shook her head. "No, but Missy was awake when I went inside so I asked her whether she was willing to talk to Kelly. She agreed. I'm to escort Kelly inside, get changed and leave."

"Great," Kelly said, expressing more enthusiasm than she actually felt. She was worried that Melissa wasn't going to forgive her, but she vowed to put on a positive face. "Let's go!"

Jane watched Kelly start to walk down the path before turning back to Maura and leaning in for a quick kiss. She smiled warmly at her future wife and said, "I really hope this goes well."

"Me too." Maura glanced down at her watch, "I'm sorry Jane, but I really do have to go. I trust you can make sure Kelly gets back to her hotel room when she's done here."

"Ohh, so you did kick her out like I thought you would." Jane smirked, feeling like at least one thing was right in her world after all.

Maura shook her head a little, not at all surprised. She pressed up on her toes and gave Jane one more kiss, the kind that would leave her hankering for more, before turning and making her exit.

Jane couldn't help but ogle her fiancée as she walked away, she had the perfect form after all. She let out a wolf whistle and yelled, "Looking good Doctor Isles!"

Maura rolled her window down on the way past and called out, "Stop drooling and get changed!"

Jane chuckled to herself before turning around and joining Kelly at the base of the steps into the house. She placed a hand on Kelly's arm to get her attention. "She wants to talk to you alone, so I'm going to get some more boxes to help her pack. While I am gone, no matter what she says or does, do not let her out of your sight. Do you understand?"

Kelly nodded. "You have my word."

"Great!" Jane led Kelly inside and directed her into the living room with an exaggerated hand gesture. "Have fun you two, don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

Kelly couldn't help but watch as Jane disappeared back into the hall because of how awkward her friend's humour had made her feel. She turned back to face Melissa who sat on the couch looking completely zoned out. She took several steps further into the room and quietly said, "Hello Missy."

Melissa's face didn't move but her eyes flicked up so that she could see Kelly. "Gabby left me."

Kelly shifted uncomfortably, "Yeah I heard. I really am sorry about that."

Melissa turned her head so that they could actually lock eyes. Confident that she had Kelly's full attention she asked, "Why would you do that to me?"

"I didn't mean for that to happen. I'm still kind of stunned that she actually did leave you." Kelly moved the coffee table aside and knelt down in front of Melissa in an attempt to be at eye level and because on some level she felt like she should be on her knees. She had opened her mouth in spite and it had caused devastating consequences for the woman she loved. "I know I'll never be able to apologise enough for that happening."

In that moment Melissa felt like she was staring at a stranger, not a person she had bonded with deeply. One action with painful consequences had her reconsidering the meaning of their entire time together. "That's not an answer," she said coldly, "I don't care about your apologies and excuses, I want to know why. What motivated you to do that?"

Kelly ran a hand through her hair. How did she explain that she had snapped? With a very sad shake of the head she said, "I let her get the better of me. She kept hounding me about shooting you, essentially blaming me and I snapped. I just wanted to hurt her in that moment and I didn't even think about how it may affect you. I just wanted to hurt her."

Melissa's eyes narrowed and she stared Kelly down. "In the entire time I have known you, you have been ridiculously calm. Nothing rattles you Kelly, nothing. I literally flaunted women in your face and you said nothing. You didn't hit anyone. You didn't yell at me. You didn't even acknowledge it. But now you lose your temper and say something cruel? I ain't buyin' it."

Kelly got back to her feet. Looking down she very quietly, but firmly said, "I nearly killed you. I was covered in your blood. I nearly lost you, Missy, by my own damn hand and then you just leave me standing there alone, and return to Gabby. She fucking ghosted you Missy, and you ran back to her!"

"So what? This was payback?" Melissa threw off the shackles of her apathy and stood up, face to face with her wife.

Kelly shook her head in disbelief. "Why can't you understand what I'm saying? It fucking changed me, Missy. Seeing what happened that night… it fucking changed me."

Melissa felt those words to her core. That was something she could absolutely empathise with. It was something she understood. She softened her eyes and quietly admitted, "It changed me too."

Kelly sighed. She loathed what had become of them. They stood so close to one another, but between them was a chasm filled with dangerous raging emotion. Trying to win Melissa's heart back was always going to be a tall order, but after her mistake that morning she wondered if it was even possible anymore. She remembered Maura's words about consistency and being present, and so she focused on that. "I get it if you don't even want to look at me right now, Missy. I truly do, but I just want you to know that I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm your friend, even if you don't want to be mine."

The earnestness in Kelly's eyes was surprising to Melissa. It wasn't that she didn't know that Kelly was fundamentally good, it was that her mind had twisted things to mean what they didn't or more than they did. She had chosen to be angry because Kelly had fallen in love with her. She had acted spitefully herself, and she had to wonder what on earth possessed her to behave so sickeningly. She closed her eyes and dropped her head. "All I ever wanted was to be your friend."

"And I never meant to fall in love with you."

Melissa looked up again and saw tears pooling in Kelly's eyes. She sighed deeply. "But you did."

Kelly threw her hands out in exasperation. "And what was so wrong about that huh? You were happy. I gave you everything. I even offered to come back here to Launceston for you. I never once tried to take anything away from you. So tell me Missy, what was so damn wrong about loving you?"

"I warned you not to, Kelly. What more do you want from me?" Melissa shook her head in frustration. She had been so very clear on numerous occasions that she was in it for the pleasure, not the romance.

"I want you to acknowledge that you damn well felt it too!"

"Oh Kelly, it doesn't matter what I may or may not have felt." Melissa turned away and picked up a stress ball that Gabby must have left on the side table next to the couch. She squeezed it repeatedly, choosing to fixate on that and not the tumultuous emotions battering her broken soul.

"Of course it matters." Kelly responded sadly. "It always mattered."

"You've always been too good for me, Kelly." Melissa said softly, her mind going to a different place, "I knew that from the beginning. I'm too damn broken to be loved by you. My love damages people."

"It didn't damage me." Kelly knew it was a gamble to continue to suggest Melissa had real feelings, but she was starting to sense there was a lot more going on than she had thought. She stepped closer to Melissa, aching to hold her, but held back out of respect.

"But it did," Melissa argued. She turned back around knowing exactly where Kelly had repositioned. She reached out and guided Kelly's hand to the scar on her neck. "This damaged you. This happened because you foolishly refused to walk away from me."

Kelly traced the scar with her fingertips and it immediately took her back to that night. She snatched her hand away and stepped back. She shook her head and turned away as all the fear and guilt from that night churned her gut painfully. "I'm so sorry that I hurt you, that I nearly killed you… I… God, Missy, please forgive me."

It astounded Melissa that Kelly thought she needed to be forgiven. The woman had saved her life and the fact was even if she hadn't survived, it would have been a much more peaceful way to have passed than the one that was waiting for her without Kelly's timely appearance. It turned out that it was really hard to remain angry with Kelly for something she said in a moment of weakness. It was really hard to stay mad at the woman who saved her life. "There's nothing to forgive. It was an accident."

"Then why did you choose her?"

Melissa's heart broke a little more just from the sadness lacing those words alone. "Is that what you thought? That I chose Gabby because you shot me?"

"It crossed my mind," Kelly's voice was barely above a whisper.

For Melissa it was just further evidence to support her theory that loving her damaged people. Her entire life was littered with evidence of that. Rachael died saving her from an emotion fueled mistake. Gabby had never been the same after the truth about her affair with Rachael came out and then there was Jane, who had turned into an absolute broken mess when they had been together. It was right there in front of her: caring about her was bad news. "It could have been you."

Kelly turned around upon hearing those words, confused. She didn't understand the intent with which they were said. "What are you talking about Missy?"

"It should have been you," Melissa said sadly, tears starting to form in her eyes. "I could have watched him slice and stab you forty three times. It should have been you. You're only here now because I am so damn broken."

There was a lot to unpack from what Melissa had said but her brain stopped short on one thing and one thing alone. "Forty three times?"

"She stopped screaming somewhere around the twenty-seventh time." Melissa was in a trance-like state, her eyes glazed over as she spoke out loud details she hadn't spoken of since the interviews with the police. "He kept telling me that it was because of me she had to be tortured and killed. He told me I was next."

"Jesus Christ, Missy." Kelly immediately engulfed Melissa in a hug. She wrapped her arms tightly around her, unable to even begin to fathom the level of emotional torture that would have inflicted on her wife. "You're okay. You're here. He's never going to hurt you again."

"It could have been you," Melissa's brain was stuck on that fact.

"But it wasn't," Kelly reminded gently, "I'm here. I'm okay."

"It changed you. That's my fault."

Kelly pulled herself out to arms length and tilted Melissa's chin so that she could make eye contact. "No. None of this is your fault. I don't care what that sick bastard said. This is not your fault!"

"You should have let me bleed out. I was at peace with it being the end. She was with me."

It took all of her internal strength not to double over in agony with the intensity of the pangs that hit her gut hearing those words uttered from Melissa. She ached just entertaining the idea. "God no Missy, please don't say that again."

"It just hurts so much." Melissa wanted the pain to stop and there wasn't a drop of alcohol to be found in the house. She tucked a strand of hair back behind Kelly's ear and said, "Help me make it stop."

For a second Kelly wasn't sure she heard right, but then she recognised the look in Melissa's eyes and understood she was asking for sex and not something more sinister. "I don't think that's a good idea for us right now, honey."

Melissa knew she should respect Kelly's reasonable concern, but she needed something to take the edge off. "You're my wife Kelly, act like it."

That was the moment Kelly realised exactly how broken Melissa was and it broke her heart. She leaned in and kissed Melissa gently for an all too brief moment before stepping away and shaking her head. She couldn't do it. She wasn't going to make an entirely new mistake by taking advantage of a woman who might not even like her, let alone love her. She wanted to comfort Melissa, to be there for her, but she wouldn't do that. "As your wife, I'm telling you right now, you don't want this."

"Oh she does," Jane said from the doorway, folded boxes in hand. She had returned a few moments prior and she had heard enough to find a brand new appreciation for Kelly. It seemed there was some part of her kind, honourable friend still in there after all. "It's how she copes these days, right Missy?"

Melissa registered the shade Jane was throwing at her. She even recognised that there was a good reason for it and that it came from a place of love. However her face was stricken with panic and she asked, "How long were you standing there?"

"Long enough to hear you ask Kel to help make your pain stop." Jane answered as she pushed the coffee table back into place and dropped the boxes down on it. Glancing from Kelly back to Melissa she asked, "What didn't you want me to hear?"

"Nothing, forget about it." Melissa answered, relieved that Jane hadn't overheard the details. Because she had done the research. She had read about Hoyt. She knew his modus operandi, and while she knew it literally couldn't have been him, as far as the released details went, she had experienced a copycat. She didn't want to put Jane through the pain of reliving her Hoyt trauma.

Kelly read Melissa's eyes and averted her gaze when Jane looked at her in a demanding the truth kind of way. She wouldn't betray Melissa's confidence. "Sorry Jane," she mumbled, "I claim spousal privilege."

Jane hit Kelly with her best 'really' look but then nodded her acceptance. Kelly was winning her over by standing by Melissa, despite what must have been a difficult conversation. "Well, whatever it was, I'm sure you'll tell me when you're ready, right Missy?"

Melissa would never be ready to share that with Jane, but she nodded her agreement anyway. There was no point making Jane more suspicious. "Absolutely."

"Great. So how about we get your stuff packed up and get you moved back in at home? It shouldn't take us more than an hour or two with Kelly here to help."

Melissa wasn't really ready to leave Gabby's, but she knew it was inevitable and the least she could do was be gone by the evening, so Gabby could return to her own home and Charlie. "Sounds like a plan."

Two things hit Gabby the moment she woke up. The smell of cooking and unfamiliar surroundings. Seconds later her brain kicked into gear and she remembered exactly where she was. The bed next to her was empty, which wasn't surprising given somebody had to be responsible for the delicious smells wafting through the house. She allowed herself a moment to just relax in the comfort of the sheets, which felt nice against her skin.

They weren't high end egyptian cotton like she experienced at Maura's but they were significantly better than the basic sheets she would buy from K-Mart. She was about simple functionality, Maura was about high end elegance and Alexis was somewhere smack bang in between. Her bedroom was the perfect picture of her no nonsense attitude. High functionality, solid colours, comfortable quality, but rudimentary. There was nothing extravagant about the furniture or bedding.

That kiss though, that had started it all, there wasn't a single rudimentary thing about it. Gabby couldn't help but smile thinking back on it. There were only so many ways a person could experience the mere physicality of an actual kiss itself and that had been, practically speaking, one of the better kisses she had ever had. Alexis had been the one that taught her how to kiss in the first place and Gabby thought she was pretty darn good at it. So she wasn't at all surprised by the literal physical nature of the kiss, but the intangibles behind the kiss, they were next level explosive. Gabby had quite literally stood still, quietened and her brain devoid of all thoughts of anything other than what had just happened.

Gabby had stared at Alexis for several moments before everything that had slowed down during the moment of the kiss came roaring back and she had launched into action. She had grabbed Alexis by the shirt and pulled her closer for another more sloppy, urgent kiss which had escalated quickly once they had fumbled their way back inside and through the house. Walls were bumped into, control was taken and ceded, and they had wound up in the bedroom. For the first time in months she had been able to let go of all concerns and stress and been able to lose herself and it had felt fantastic. She knew it would, Alexis was quite adept in the bedroom. By the time Alexis was done teasing, stroking and bringing her undone, Gabby was physically and emotionally spent. She had passed out.

"Oh God," Gabby groaned, the darkness of reality rising against the blissful post-coital afterglow. She tortured herself thinking about how she had just basically knocked on her exes door for a much needed release and barely paid mind to the needs of the woman who had inevitably caved and given her exactly what she wanted. That was not something she could repeat. Alexis deserved better.

Gabby rolled over and looked at the alarm clock. It was dinner time on a Friday night and Alexis was downstairs cooking, presumably for her. Friday night was always busy whenever she was at Arnie's. Why the Hell was she even allowed to sleep off her exhaustion? Shouldn't Alexis be at work?

Fighting her malaise she climbed to her feet and collected her clothes, which she last recalled had been strewn all over the place, from a neat pile on the dresser. She found a towel next to them with a note sitting on top of it indicating she should shower and dress before making her way downstairs.

Gabby walked into the ensuite and did exactly as was asked of her. A hot shower was much needed and soothed aching muscles. She couldn't remember ever being that flexible, which she realised was exactly why she needed the shower to soothe aching muscles in the first place. She couldn't help the smile that thought elicited.

Twenty minutes later, freshly showered and dressed Gabby made her way downstairs and entered the kitchen. She took a seat at the kitchen island and watched Alexis finish dishing up the food, which looked and smelled delicious. Her mouth watered, "Don't tell me that's the famous lemon chicken."

Alexis smiled knowingly. She knew precisely the menu items at the bar and grill that Gabby liked the most. While she didn't do the every night cooking she had developed the menu with the chef, and the lemon chicken had been her recipe. She was certain that there would be nuanced differences, but she suspected Gabby would enjoy it regardless. "Only better. I used organic chicken. Not to say the chicken at the bar is bad, it's just not as good as organic free range chicken."

"Speaking of the bar, shouldn't you be working tonight?" Gabby asked, looking to satisfy her own curiosity.

Alexis slid the plate consisting of the lemon chicken and seasonal fresh vegetables bought at the farmer's market in front of Gabby and considered her answer thoughtfully. As owner she had full flexibility to change her own schedule if she wanted to, and the simple fact was first thing that morning she had organised extra bar staff because of the call she had received from Gabby during the ungodly hours. She had suspected that one way or another there would be too much going on for her to function properly at work that evening.

Alexis hadn't quite expected the morning to take the turn it had, but she was a woman known for taking advantage of opportunities when they came along. Gabby's availability being more than physical, but potentially emotional as well had proven to be the opportunity she couldn't resist. She wasn't sure it was the time to bring up the more delicate reason so she settled for the most basic of truths. "Benefits of being the boss."

Gabby took the cutlery and a glass of cold water offered and waited for Alexis to join her. Glancing sideways she found herself smiling, "Well thanks for doing that for me."

"Don't thank me just yet Gabby," Alexis warned softly, "You owe me a conversation."

Gabby had just put the first bite of chicken into her mouth and it melted magically, but she almost choked on it when she processed the look on her ex's face. It wasn't menacing but it was foreboding. She wasn't sure if it was going to be a conversation about what had ultimately happened between her and Melissa or her leaving over a decade prior. She finished chewing and swallowed the delectable morsel before conceding, "I think after today I more than owe you that."

Melissa slid the Zach Brown Band album Uncaged into its spot at the end of her CD collection and dusted her hands off, happy with the job that was done. She had slipped into a detached state of mind to cope with the pressures on her mental health, but had found some moments of joy in the company she kept. She was grateful for Jane, and even though she wasn't yet quite ready to declare Kelly to be a friend again, she had appreciated having her wife helping her out. It would have felt a Hell of a lot more complicated in her mind if she had ever given being married any emotional power, but even when she had been officially dating Kelly, their legal marriage had never really played a part in it. She certainly wouldn't have been able to walk away so easily to return home to Gabby like she had if it did.

Melissa sighed. Thinking about Gabby was like walking through a minefield, but at least now she had done the one thing that needed to be done to show the respect that Gabby deserved. She composed a quick message.

Have moved my stuff out. Your home is yours alone once more. Haven't fed Charlie. If you don't plan to be home tonight, let me know and I can bring Charlie over here and look after him.

Melissa studied her message for a moment. Satisfied that it contained only pertinent information relevant to Gabby's situation she hit the send button and pushed the breakup out of her mind.

She walked out of her bedroom and found Jane and Kelly sitting on the couch twiddling their thumbs, not really talking to one another. She sighed. Now that there was no task at hand the friends were not acting like friends, but strangers. "So to show my thanks, I'm going to make dinner. Of course there's the one problem of having no food in the house, so I'm just going to sneak out real quick to buy some groceries. You two stay here and get reacquainted."

Jane who was sitting closest to where Melissa stood turned to look at her, concerned. "I'll just order some pizza and be done with it, don't trouble yourself."

Kelly didn't share Jane's paranoia about Melissa's self control. She knew Melissa's history with suicide attempts, but by having not been a part of or witness to any had the ability to see that her wife needed to feel truly alone in that moment, and shopping for food to cook a meal for two people that she cared about was not going to leave her feeling that way. Besides, if Melissa truly wanted to end her life, she would find a way whether they were with her or not so she erred on the side of allowing Melissa freedom of expression. "Go ahead Missy, we'll be here when you return."

Jane swung back to Kelly and looked at her slack jawed before mouthing, "What are you doing?"

"I'm giving Missy what she wants Jane, which is for you and I to sort our shit out so we stop stressing her out." She glanced over at Melissa, "Right?"

Melissa couldn't help the pleased smile that briefly appeared on her face. She nodded and said, "Yes, thanks Kelly. I'd appreciate that."

Jane's head swung back to Melissa. She was starting to feel like she was on a very bad carnival ride. "You don't have to leave for us to talk. I still vote for pizza."

"I don't really want to hear the things you two are going to say about me." Melissa explained, "Nor do I need to. Those are your private thoughts. All I care about is preventing world war three."

Jane felt agitated but recognised that Melissa had a point. She stood up and motioned for Melissa to follow her down the hall. At the front door she stopped and looked at her friend very seriously, "I'll do this for you, but you need to promise me one thing."

Melissa already knew what that would be. She understood Jane's reticence as much as she understood Kelly's approach, they both came from good places. As such she spoke the words she knew Jane needed to hear. "I promise you I won't do anything to hurt myself while I'm out. I truly wouldn't do that to you Jane."

Jane's head nodded up and down lightly several times as she processed what Melissa was saying. "Okay, good. Because you know how I feel about that. You know I would do damn near anything for you and that I'll always be here for you."

"Good," Melissa said, "Now go and sort out your shit with Kelly. I'll be home soon."

An intense surge of love flowed through Jane as she looked at her friend standing there waiting for her to move. "Missy," she started, before stopping abruptly.

Melissa's brows furrowed. "Yes Jane?"

Jane shook her head and quietly said, "Don't worry about it."

Melissa searched her friend's eyes before shrugging and choosing to let it go. "I'll be home soon, promise."

Jane watched her leave before turning and immediately locking eyes with Kelly who stood at the end of the hall. Her arms were crossed and she had a dark look on her face. Jane sucked in a deep breath and walked over to her friend. She had agreed to sort her shit out so she would. Even if at that moment just looking at Kelly made her want to throw a damn punch. "Let's talk this out then, shall we?"

Kelly was feeling a surge of anger herself, from having caught the tail end of Jane's interaction with Melissa. She'd had a perfect view of the look on Jane's face and it had sent alarm bells ringing in her head, the kind of alarm bells that had her ready to fight. The kind that would have Maura ready to fight too. So she threw the first verbal punch, "Do you still have feelings for Missy?"

Jane's eyes grew wide and she wondered what the Hell kind of screw was loose in her friend's brain. "I'm not sure I should even dignify that question with an answer."

"I saw the way you looked at her. I heard the way you said her name. Tell me that's not what it looked like." Kelly knew that there was no competing with Jane. That woman had a strange hold over Melissa, even though the Australian would never admit it. So she genuinely hoped she was misreading the situation. For everyone's sake really.

"I don't know what you think you saw," Jane ground out. "But I can assure you that as an engaged woman, I only have eyes for my fiancée."

"Then you need to be careful how you look at her, and what you say. She's never really gotten over you." Kelly warned, worried about Melissa receiving mixed signals.

Kelly's remark piqued Jane's curiosity. She had never seen anything to indicate that and she wondered where Kelly was getting her information. Was it factual or just the fears of a heartbroken woman? "Why do you say that?"

"Two years of living with her, Jane." Kelly headed back over to the couch and took a seat.

Jane followed after her friend and asked, "She said that to you?"

"Not in so many words," Kelly admitted, "I could just tell."

"Or maybe she just wasn't that into you." Jane said gently, as she wasn't looking to antagonise, she just wasn't convinced by Kelly's theory and she figured there must be a level of story writing going on in Kelly's head to make sense of Melissa's behaviour. "Or more than likely it is what we have known all along, her heart belongs to Gabby."

Kelly recognised that Jane wasn't looking to fight and was just genuinely navigating a difficult topic, which she appreciated and as a result her own mood stabilised a little. "I'll grant you that it is entirely possible. I could be seeing what I want to see, or I guess, what I'm afraid to see."

"Kel, it's not like I'm ever going to be an option for Missy. I'm very happy with Maura. Why on earth would you be afraid of her having not gotten over me?"

Kelly watched Jane get comfortable in an armchair opposite the couch before looking away for a moment in an attempt to get her thoughts straight. She sighed and looked back over at Jane. "Because I think you're her one. Not Gabby. You."

Jane sighed heavily. She didn't know how to even begin processing that thought. She and Melissa were close, when they both allowed themselves to be, but it wasn't romantic. Their love was platonic, maybe a little messed up because she hadn't properly grieved the end of their romance, but platonic nonetheless. She really didn't think Kelly was right at all, she wasn't the proverbial one - they were just extremely close. "I think you should focus on yourself when it comes to Missy. Do right by her, whatever that looks like for her, not you."

Kelly wasn't surprised Jane didn't really want to consider her theory, she was stubborn and probably convinced of her own truth, whatever that may be. "I think you've already seen that is my goal. Otherwise I could have easily taken advantage earlier."

"I would have absolutely flattened you if you did." Jane said matter-of-factly.

Kelly managed a grim smile. "Of that I have no doubt. I really do love her, Jane. I hope you can see that."

"I've seen some things that indicate that," Jane begrudgingly admitted. "I don't know why I'm so angry with you. I appreciate now that you're face to face with how damaged she currently is you've made Missy focused decisions. I just, I dunno Kel. I'm okay one moment and then others I legitimately look at you and think you have such a punchable face."

Kelly laughed, she couldn't help it. It was a moment of genuine honesty, but it broke the tension that Kelly had felt mounting. "Well to be fair, you're not the only one that feels that way."

It was the simple comment that brought Jane's mind round to a glaringly obvious thought of what had been influencing her moods. She rubbed her temples already feeling the headache it would cause coming on. "Oh God," she muttered, "I'm jealous. I'm actually fucking jealous."

Kelly didn't react, because that had been obvious. She simply cocked an eyebrow. "Mmmhmm."

Jane shook her head. "It's not like that. It's really not romantic. Missy's just my person, you know? Not in a romantic way but a truly gets me and sees me for who I am, no judgement, kinda way."

"I think if Maura wasn't in the picture, she'd be the one for you in every kind of way in all honesty. I know that Maura's your one and I'm really not trying to start anything here, trust me on that, but I saw the way you looked at her back in Boston. It was just you and Missy, and she was your whole world in those moments. Hence my fear that she hasn't or can't get over you. Because I saw the same in her eyes, Jane."

Jane felt pretty heavy listening to that, because there was one thing she had learned about Kelly, it was her astute ability to read people. She started to understand Kelly's warning to be careful with what she said and did. Lines could blur all too easily in emotionally heightened situations and while she would never cheat on Maura physically she had to be very careful not to stray emotionally. The more time she spent with Melissa the greater the risk, which meant she had to come to terms with accepting other people in her friend's life. "I know you can be good for her, if that's what she wants. I think that's why I'm jealous. I know I have to step back. I can't be overcommitted to helping her through emotional minefields with Maura at home waiting for me. I just don't know how to disengage my protective streak when it comes to Missy."

"Thankfully you don't have to do it alone anymore. I might not be back in the good graces entirely, but I think she's willing to forgive me. Let me do the heavy lifting, Jane. I won't take advantage of her, you have my word." Kelly preempted any fears Jane might express.

"Are you capable of putting her first, entirely?" Jane asked, unsure whether Kelly understood the true nature of what was needed. "Could you watch her go back to Gabby, if that eventuated? Could you support it? Because Missy needs a friend now more than she needs a lover. She needs to be able to process her trauma, and her broken relationship and figure out where she goes from here. It might be straight back to Gabby."

Kelly wasn't so sure Melissa would be running back to Gabby anytime soon, but knew that if it was truly what Melissa wanted, she would support it. She understood what Jane was saying and she had now seen first hand how broken Melissa had been by the past six months and helping her back to a good place was her only priority. "I know I've made a few mistakes recently, but I can't make anymore. There's no room for that. I agree with you. She needs a friend first and foremost, and it really can't be you. Maybe it shouldn't be me either, but I don't have a Maura waiting at home for me."

It was a very valid point. The Maura of it all was something Jane knew she couldn't lose sight of. She knew she had a tendency to play hero, and it just wasn't appropriate to be playing hero to an ex-lover when there were other options available. It wasn't easy to step back, she just wasn't built that way, but she knew she had to. Her relationship was solid, but that could change like the wind if she kept flirting with danger by spending too much time with Melissa. "You're right, it shouldn't be me. It should be you though, because you're the only person I would trust to put her heart before your own."

Kelly was genuinely touched by Jane's assertion. She stood up and walked over to Jane and put a hand out to help her up. When Jane accepted it, albeit with an unsure look on her face, she hugged her for long enough to quietly say, "Thank you Jane. You have no idea how much that means to me, hearing that from you."

When they separated Jane nodded and exhaled, letting out her own tension. "I owe you an apology for Chicago. I shouldn't have interfered when you and Gabby were arguing, let alone to take her side."

"Don't apologise. You were doing what we have literally been discussing, putting Missy first."

Jane nodded and managed a tired smile, thankful that Kelly got it. "I know, but damn, that would have felt like a kick to your teeth having your friend side with the woman literally taking your wife away from you."

"It stung for a while, but hey, I'm the asshole that didn't tell my friend I was married." Kelly added a playful wink at the end.

Jane gave her friend a giant pat on the shoulder and said, "Yeah. Next time, lead with that."

Somewhere between dinner and rinsing the dishes, things had escalated again. Gabby found herself pinned against the refrigerator with a very attentive woman attached to her neck. "Uh, Alex, this is great… oh yep, right there… God woman, you, uh, wanted to talk?"

Alexis pulled away, a devilish smirk on her face. She ran her hand across the soft silky fuzz of Gabby's buzzcut and said, "You know, I thought I liked you better with more hair, but I love the sensation of your peach fuzz. It's like petting a kitten."

Gabby was lapping up every bit of attention she had been receiving, she had been spoiled. Alexis had tended every want and need she could have while only asking for one thing. However, Gabby was determined not to be distracted by seduction until they had that conversation. "Alex, I'm serious. You wanted to talk."

Alexis stopped what she was doing, hating that Gabby had clearly lost her sense of adventure. The woman was so tied down in doing things the right way that she couldn't just live in the moment. Alexis wanted to live in the moment for a while, because she didn't know how many more she would get with Gabby, especially not ones that felt right. Ones that felt like she had found what had been missing for the majority of her adult life.

They were grown women now, not teens growing into adulthood. They might not even be compatible long term, which Alexis knew was jumping ahead very many steps, but she couldn't help it. Gabby was finally ready to let go of Melissa freaking Sanderson, and she wanted to help make sure that happened. She wanted to find out if this time they would fit. "We should talk. Just indulge me a little, would you?"

After the day she had experienced, Gabby was happy to indulge Alexis. "Whatever you need."

"Good." Alexis said, taking a moment to pour them both a glass of white wine. "Follow me, lovely."

Gabby followed Alexis into the living room and watched as Alexis set the wine down on the coffee table. She then watched Alexis sit on the couch and motion for her to join. Gabby sat down next to her, sensing a desire for them to be close, but comfortable. "Is this okay?" She asked, wanting to be sure she correctly indulged Alexis' whim.

"I just want you to be comfortable. Are you comfortable?"

Gabby nodded, "Yeah."

"Wonderful. How are you feeling?"

"You don't want to pull some of those punches by any chance do ya?" Gabby quipped, unsure whether she even knew how to begin explaining how she felt.

Alexis reached over to the wine, handing Gabby one glass and sipping hers once she was comfortable herself. "I thought I left it quite open for you to discuss the feelings of your choice. Though I suppose that was never really your strong suit, was it?"

Gabby had to chuckle, she really did. She longed for those days where she could so easily hold everything in; be stubborn and stoic. Instead she lived the new reality post accident, that she felt everything all too deeply and sometimes the feelings were so big they exploded badly. "I don't know if you know, but a few years back I nearly died. A truck t-boned my vehicle and one of the injuries I sustained was swelling on the brain. Nothing has been the same since then. I'm anxious at times. Easier to anger as well, and my self control in those situations isn't as good as it once was. It's a miracle I didn't kill Kelly in all honesty."

Alexis arched her eyebrows in surprise. She had heard about the accident through the grapevine, but her attention was immediately drawn elsewhere. "Kelly?"

Gabby took a huge gulp of her wine before making further eye contact. "Missy's wife."

Alexis had to lean forward and place her wine back down on the coffee table, she then took the glass from Gabby and placed it down too. The shock of that statement nearly caused a spill. "Missy is married?"

"Yeah, and uh has been for a couple of years I think. I found out this morning."

Alexis had to close her eyes and count to ten. She had never liked Melissa. It was understandable given she had literally been forced to watch her then girlfriend slowly fall in love with the girl, but she knew no matter how much disdain she held for her, she couldn't fly off the handle about the absolute betrayal. She had to respect the love Gabby had for her ex-girlfriend. Not respecting her would be the fastest way of ensuring Gabby left and never looked back. So she breathed. Finally she opened her eyes and said, "I'm truly sorry that you had to go through that."

"Oh this is fucked," Gabby groused, "I've lost my damn stoicism and you've become some kind of zen master."

Alexis chuckled. "Oh trust me, I have a few choice words about that situation, but I'm choosing to listen instead of flying off half cocked."

Gabby took a hold of Alexis' hand and squeezed it gently, she was grateful for the thoughtfulness. "I'm not okay. I'm so far from okay right now."

"I know," Alexis acknowledged. It was why she had given in and taken Gabby to bed in the first place. Sure she wanted her back, but that wasn't something that would be feasible for a good deal of time. She was essentially taking a huge risk she would end up breaking her own heart. "I'm here, for what it's worth."

Gabby found herself lost in the grey eyes staring back at her for a few moments. Her brain flashed back to the morning's first kiss and she felt all the intangibles fall into focus. "I'm not ready."

"Oh I know," Alexis said softly, reaching out to wipe a lone tear that had slid down Gabby's face. "I know how much you love her."

Gabby captured the hand against her cheek and turned into it, kissing it softly, her heartache on display. "I don't deserve your kindness."

"The past is exactly that, Gabby. Ancient history. We were a couple of kids and we grew apart. It happens." Alexis attempted to ease the burden she figured Gabby was feeling. She didn't need to worry about past misdeeds when she needed to process current grief. "You can't help who you love."

"I loved you once," Gabby said, her voice barely above a whisper. She glanced at Alexis' lips and back to her eyes.

Alexis smiled warmly, she took that for what it was. An acknowledgement that they had shared something real in the past. It wasn't a promise of anything more in the future, but she suspected it was an indication of it not being out of the question. That was more than enough for her. She leaned over and kissed Gabby gently, their lips falling into a familiar synchronicity as they moved against one another. When they pulled apart for oxygen she said, "I'll help you through your grief Gabby. I just ask one thing in return."

Kissing Alexis was fast becoming one of Gabby's favourite things to do, but she somehow drew herself out of the reverie she would fall into when their lips touched to focus on the words falling out of them. "What's that?"

"That you remain open to the possibility of a future for us."

It was a no brainer. She didn't know what the future held. She didn't know if she could fall in love with Alexis again, but she knew that she loved her once. If she loved her once, she could love her again and quite frankly she had given Melissa so many chances after all the shit she had done, the least she could do was be open to Alexis. She owed her that. No. Brainer. "Deal."

A/N:

Just an FYI, I'm not keen on repeating the exact same MO for Hoyt in this story, so while he still loved his scalpel and still did things to Jane with them, its different - just in case anyone was left wondering after reading parts of this chapter.

Okay so now that Jane is aware she is walking a fine line, do you think she'll keep remembering that moving forward?

And as always, thanks for reading!