Every Little Thing

by wolvesjr34

Part two of the Saints & Sinners Universe. Sequel to What If It's You? It's still a soapy, soapy world. Jane and Maura are navigating their life together in Launceston, and are drawn into their friend's drama. Established Rizzles. I do not own Maura and Jane and any other character from the show or books, original characters are all my own though!

16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

After watching the scene play out between Melissa and Jane behind the clubhouse, Kelly had found herself at the end of her tether. She simply walked away and pointed when Maura asked where she could find her fiancée, because she knew if she were to even attempt to speak at that time, she might say things she couldn't take back.

She watched as the doctor appeared to calmly walk towards the clubhouse where her former friend and her wife had been wrapped up in each other, statements of love flowing between the two.

Kelly scoffed as she made her way back to the bleachers where her gear was. She knew Melissa didn't love her like she did Jane. She knew, logically, that there was no universe where Melissa could even remotely return the love that she felt burning across her ribcage for her wife. It was pointless. It was useless to feel this agonising despair at the loss of something she had never truly had, but what could she do?

Kelly gripped the ball in her hand and slammed it into the glove she had slid on. She could play ball. Maybe for a few hours she could focus on something other than her pathetic longing to be all that Melissa needed. Yeah. She could play ball.

The game was shaping up to be a short one and so was she with her vocabulary. She gave one-word answers and rough grunts any time Melissa, or anyone really, tried to speak to her. She pitched the ball harder than she had in her life and cared little that half the women in the dugout needed to ice their palms whenever their team was up to bat. She had two home runs and a double already.

She had also nearly broken another player's ankle after she crashed into the other team's third baseman, knocking the ball away and almost getting kicked out of the game. But this was softball and only baseball was lenient toward overly aggressive plays, one of which had just cost her a home run and was an absolute "horseshit of a call by a blind asshole". That umpire was still occasionally glaring at her in between pitches. Maybe she shouldn't have yelled that at him, but whatever.

Kelly knew that Melissa kept staring at her throughout the game. She was aware that Jane had been biting her thumbnail for half of it, especially when she and Gabby roasted each other verbally across the field, and that Maura had been swatting her every time she caught her doing it. She felt an obnoxious amount of satisfaction as Jane flinched after a particularly harsh swat.

Kelly was aware that she was practically vibrating with anxious energy and rip-shit pissed off-ness. The copious number of times that she had exchanged thunderous, heated words with Gabby was too many to count and Kelly had no idea how she was going to get through this day. Why wasn't she enough? Why wasn't she good enough for Melissa?

She understood what happened in Chicago better than anyone. Well, almost anyone. Kelly reached up and gripped the chain linked fence in the dugout hard enough to feel her skin nearly break under the pressure. She understood why Melissa had gone there in the first place. She got why Melissa let Jane go and she understood why Jane ran to Maura the second she was freed.

But damnit, why couldn't the world just be fair for one stupid minute?! Why couldn't the person you dreamed about, cared about unconditionally, loved with everything you had inside you finally, finally love you back like that?

Because the world is shit and people are shit and this situation is absolute shit.

Kelly slightly turned and looked to the end of the bench where her wife sat. Her fingers clenched the fence so tight that she felt the metal dig into her bones as her heartbeat raced and agony lanced through her chest. Her knees nearly buckled at the sight of a smile on Melissa's face as she and Jane looked at each other. Of course she was watching Jane. Of course.

Kelly swallowed harshly and it felt like a handful of glass had slowly cut its way down her body into her very soul. She turned her eyes back to the game and it slowly disappeared in a swirl of hazy colours. She saw everything and nothing blur together into a nightmarish dream.

Jane's head thrown back with laughter as they sat at the bar, her newest friend laughing at her dumb dad joke... Meeting Melissa for the first time and wondering how eyes that beautiful could seem so weary and innocent at the same time... The brief flash of insecurities long held in Maura's eyes as she pointed her towards their location behind the clubhouse... A blood covered Missy cowering against a wall in paralysing fear... Watching as her best friend became her wife and giggling as they innocently signed the papers in the court house... Staring in disbelieving horror at her wife's neck as blood virtually poured out from beneath her own fingers... Blue eyes both thanking her and condemning her as they slowly closed…

BANG. The fence shook as the softball bounced off it, nearly striking her fingers in the process. She took a deep breath and held it. There was no way she wanted the other team, or Gabby more specifically, to think she was skittish, nor did she want Melissa to see her face. She was rattled, and it wasn't from a crappy throw or Lawson hitting yet another foul ball. Friggin' Celeste Lawson.

"Will you hit the friggin' ball somewhere away from the dugouts for once Lawson?! It's called Left field. You should know it since that's where you stand for half the goddamn game." Kelly kept her eyes directly on the pitcher of the opposite team, even as she yelled at the batter from her own. She heard her teammates quiet down and even the other players seemed to deaden a bit. She had never spewed vitriol towards anyone while playing before, and never at a teammate.

Kelly stared the pitcher down until the woman shook her head and lined up for another pitch. She ignored the feeling of a dozen eyes staring into her back. She ignored the hunger gnawing in her belly and chest. She ignored the anger pulsing just below her skin. She watched as the bat met the ball and it finally went in the right direction. She nodded as Lawson eventually rounded third and she turned to grab her own bat as her teammate stomped proudly on home plate.

Kelly walked past Lawson as the young woman returned to the dugout and ignored the high five that was offered. She squared up over home plate and ground her cleats into the clay beneath her feet, gripping the bat and grinding her hands into the soft leather around the handle. She ignored the shit talk from Gabby as she cleared out her mind.

The catcher was coming up with some doozies and she would have laughed at a few of the insults if she had been in a better state of mind. She spit, watching as it bounced, creating a rolling ball of orange sand that stopped and turned a burnt amber colour in the midday sun.

Her eyes turned towards the pitcher as her body took on a well-known stance. The woman scoffed at her before she threw a hard and fast one. She hadn't needed a warm up swing and the faces of the opposing team sank in defeat as the ball soared over the fence. As she rounded second base at a light jog, she took a chance and glanced into the dugout. Jane had walked over to it and was talking to Melissa through the fence.

Kelly stomped on third base as she heard Melissa let out a small laugh as she passed. She kept her head down and let her feet carry her through the paces toward home plate. She was tired of fighting a losing battle. She couldn't be here anymore, watching as her wife yearned for someone who wasn't hers. She had to leave... soon.

Kelly shut herself in her room after they returned home and she paced for a solid half an hour. The walls were closing in and she didn't know how to stop them from doing so. Her skin felt like it could fly off her bones and there were a thousand bees swarming through her stomach. She didn't know what to do. What to say to her wife. Melissa's stereo was turned up and had been since they got home. They hadn't spoken once on the drive back and had separated as soon as the lock was set on the front door.

She knew they had to talk but how was she supposed to approach what had happened after she had left Melissa and Jane alone together? How was she supposed to ask her wife any questions about any of this? Should she tell her that she needed to leave Launceston? Could she leave Launceston? It was a nice place to live, sure, but she would be leaving Melissa, not the place she lived, and Kelly had no idea how to go about that.

The thought of Jane holding Melissa tightly and professing her love came unbidden to her mind. She cursed, threw a pillow at the wall, and sat on the bed. Kelly's head fell into her hands and a whimper made its way out of her and out into the room. It startled her a bit. She had never made that sound before. A sound that only came from a broken, wounded animal. It made Kelly feel sick to her stomach that she had been reduced to this.

A soft knock at her door forced her to swallow. She waited, hoping that she had been wrong, and Melissa hadn't turned off her stereo and decided she suddenly wanted to talk. She didn't know if she had the strength needed to speak to the woman on the other side of the door. Another knock caused her to close her eyes in resignation. "It's open," she called out, shifting around so that she was sitting further up the bed, her back resting against the remaining pillow propped against the bedhead.

Melissa slipped into the room; her eyes were puffy and red. Kelly absently noticed that she appeared sullen and skittish, as if she wasn't sure whether her presence would be accepted in Kelly's own personal space. She watched the woman close the door behind her, leaning against it with her arms folded across her stomach. She was staring at the floor and looked as if a feather would blow her over. Kelly felt her heart clench in her chest as blue eyes skittered across the carpet, the bed… anywhere that wasn't Kelly's own face.

"I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I needed Jane at that moment and not you. In the clubhouse. She... she understands Kel. On a primal level. She… I just… I'm sorry. I didn't..." Kelly felt her molars grind together as she forced herself to be still.

She understood that Jane knew more about what happened to Melissa than she would. She knew on a visceral, basic level that her wife had needed Jane because of a unique bond that they shared, one that was formed from being a survivor of some serious emotional shit. It didn't help her state of mind at that moment, but she understood. She watched as blue eyes flickered towards her.

"Kelly… I..."

"I know." Kelly's words were sharp and quick, like a whip. They caused Missy to dig further into the door and grip herself even tighter. For a moment, Kelly relished the power she wielded. To hurt Melissa just a bit. To make her feel how she felt. To make her stomach tie up in knots with doubt and hurt and for longing and jealousy to creep through her veins like acid. For just a minute she wanted Melissa to know how it felt to be on the receiving end of it all.

Kelly stood up slowly and walked until she was towering over the trembling woman. She watched in morbid satisfaction as Melissa's fingers dug into her own arms as she stood there, not two feet from her, barely moving. She knew her presence had changed. She could feel herself standing taller. She could feel a newfound, self-righteous strength filling her muscles as she stared at the top of Missy's bent head.

"I know you started breaking apart after Rachael died." Kelly watched with a detached sort of fascination as Missy flinched and folded a bit more into herself.

"I know you struggled with being alone for years, playing the lovesick little puppy just begging for attention while Gabby paraded around town with a new woman every few months." Kelly heard the sharp intake of pained breaths ripped from Melissa's mouth as if they were coming from somewhere far, far away.

"I know you gave up your youth, your dreams, for a woman that took you for granted. That refused to forgive you but wouldn't let you go either. Then when you finally think you've moved on, that your heart has begun to heal? You fall, hard. Right into the arms of a woman that you knew, you knew, could never truly be yours. You knew she belonged to another. That Jane would run the moment Maura snapped her fingers. And you let her." Kelly watched as Melissa's knees shook and a sob was half heard before being swiftly cut off by lips that pursed tightly together. A teardrop fell to the carpet, followed by two more in rapid succession and Kelly watched, disconnected from the moment yet riveted to the scene.

"And then... you left. You left to find, what? Yourself? A place to get away for a while? To heal? You didn't expect to find me, that's for sure. Then you ran, the moment I got too close, you ran. Straight into the arms of others. Poor Talia, where's she now?"

Kelly saw Melissa's knees buckle and grabbed onto her arms before she could fall. Kelly felt as if she was standing a thousand miles away, hardly able to hear the words she was speaking to her wife, let alone stop them. She gripped the arms she held tight, shaking the woman a bit in her mounting frustration. Something was building in Kelly's chest, something forged by chaotic fire and wielding sharp edges.

"Where is she now Melissa? You watched as she was murdered. Stabbed so many times that there was barely anything left of her chest. You saw the light leave her eyes Melissa. You cowered away from it, terrified to fight. You watched as I stopped him. You laid there, bleeding out under my hands. You almost fucking died. Because of me."

Kelly knew she needed to stop but she wasn't in control. Something else had taken over her body. Her mouth was moving, her hands were shaking Melissa, her eyes were watching the pain tearing across her wife's face, but she still couldn't stop it from happening. The fire and sharp edges grew until everything she could see was tinted in red.

"I left you alone because you asked me too! I watched you run back halfway across the world, to Gabby, because you asked me not to follow you. You broke that woman and yourself. You used people to escape your own mind and you're still doing it. You're still using me. You want Jane, but you're using me. You want to be wrapped in her arms, in her bed, but you're forced to be here, in this house with me." Kelly watched, detached, as she pushed Melissa into the door with the last word. Watched as her eyes widened and her face filled with pain and confusion.

"What? Kelly, no. No... you're wrong!"

"All you want is for me to leave, to get out of your life, so you can have who you want. Because it's all about you, isn't it? It's all about your fucking pain and your fucking needs. To hell with what I saw. To hell with what I fucking see every time I close my eyes or look at that scar on your neck. Fuck what anyone else has lost, right?!"

Kelly turned and stormed towards the window, leaning her forehead against the cold glass, and closed her eyes. She wished she could be anywhere else right now. She wished she would have told her to go away instead of letting her in. Kelly snorted. Let Melissa in. That's all she ever did apparently.

"Kelly, no! No, I care, okay? I know I fucked up! I know what I did was wrong, but it was helping, and Gabby said that…" Kelly whirled around and looked incredulously at her wife. She walked slowly towards her as she spoke, unable to believe that Melissa would try to defend against that.

"Gabby told you to go fuck other women in her own bed? To bring them home like a revolving fucking door so you could heal? The fuck she did Melissa. You know there were stipulations on that. How many times did you go to a therapist? Huh?! How many?!"

Kelly was so close to Melissa she could feel her breath on her face after every sharp exhale her wife made. Kelly noted that the woman looked close to hyperventilating. She was shaking horribly, and her eyes were wide and spooked. She looked like a cornered animal and Kelly began to feel the fire and sharpness in her chest dull and fade.

"Why do you keep hurting yourself like this? All you do is stay locked inside bad memories. You refuse to let anything go, to let the hurt go". Kelly slowly lifted her fingers and brushed some blonde hair behind Melissa's ear. She cupped her cheek and encouraged blue eyes to look into her own.

Kelly took a deep breath and felt all the fight leave her body. No matter what this woman does, she can't help but want to protect her. This is her person, her love. Kelly sighed and pulled Melissa into her chest, holding her close as hands gripped the back of her shirt and sobs burst from the smaller woman's chest.

Kelly slowly walked backwards until her legs hit the bed. She sat and Melissa immediately straddled her legs, burying her face into Kelly's neck. For a long time, nobody moved. The sounds of crying permeated the room and both women let loose years' worth of anguish, fear, and sadness. They held tightly to each other as Kelly slowly rocked them back and forth as her hands ran unhurriedly up and down Melissa's back.

Eventually the cries died down and Kelly didn't know what to do. She had no idea why she had acted the way that she did earlier, but Melissa was calmly breathing into her neck and her fingers were running through Kelly's hair near the other side of her neck and... fuck... Kelly felt her eyes close as Melissa began to lightly kiss the skin under her lips.

The rocking that Kelly had kept going during their shared breakdown was turning into something else entirely as Melissa lifted on her thighs and angled downward towards the crotch of Kelly's pants. Kelly had no idea if this was a good idea. They were fresh off an emotional breakdown but the feelings rolling through her were slowly taking over her rational thinking again. This time, it was like lightning and crisp rainfall filling her nerve endings with a rising and mounting energy.

"Mis... fuck ... Missy, should we be, oh right there baby, uh, should we be doing this?" Kelly tried to lean backwards to look at Melissa's face but ended up falling to the mattress instead. Her wife followed her, and Kelly nearly cried at the feeling of Melissa's lips and tongue once again dancing with her own.

The feelings rushing through her body were indescribable. She had thought this was over, truly over today. The hope had been there for so long but watching Melissa smile and laugh at Jane had been too much to bear. The feelings from the game rushed back so suddenly that Kelly pulled away in a panic and flipped them over. She left Melissa lying on the bed as she walked over to the door, opening it and standing beside it.

"Leave."

She watched Melissa shake her head in surprised disbelief from the rapid change in their affections and felt her heart nearly crumble at the look of dismay that filled the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever, or would ever, see. She moved toward the closet and retrieved her suitcase, pulling down clothes and carelessly shoving them inside it.

"Leave now. Please. I need to pack."

"What?! What are you talking about?! Kelly, you can't leave! Please! I don't know what's happening, okay? We were fine, great even, and then today happened and…"

"I am not a fucking rebound Melissa. I am not second place to anyone, even if she's an amazing person. I love you, okay? I love the ground you fucking walk on. But I need to leave now, while I still have the strength to do so."

Kelly moved to the dresser, shoving in random items, and punching down clothing to make everything fit. She paused as she pulled out a t-shirt. It was Jane's Red Sox t-shirt. Kelly had been there when she bought it, right after they had won against the Yankees. She gripped it tightly and felt a searing betrayal rip open her chest.

She had loved Jane. Still did. She was a near and dear friend. She couldn't have just stayed with her hot, wickedly smart doctor fiancée? No. Apparently not. She had to take Melissa. Again. She shoved the t-shirt viciously into her bag.

"What are you talking about Kelly? What rebound?! You are not a rebound, okay? You're not second place. Jane's with Maura now and I'm okay with that. I really, truly am. We've had our ups and downs, and I will always love her, but I'm not in love with her, not anymore!"

Kelly scoffed as she brushed off hands that kept trying to take clothing back out of her bag. Melissa was quick, she would give her that. Half of what she had packed was already strewn on the floor and the woman was back in the bag again, pulling out more. Kelly watched as Melissa hesitated when she pulled out the Red Sox t-shirt.

"What? Why do you... Jane lost this weeks ago. I didn't know it was here."

Kelly sneered and ripped the fabric from Melissa's hands. She threw it out in the hallway and gestured for her to go get it. She refused to feel guilty at the hurt look on her wife's face and the dismissive way she was treating her. Absolutely refused. Damnit.

"I'm surprised it wasn't packed in with your own stuff honestly. Some of the girls on the team use their partner's shirts as pillowcases, you know, when they've been on the road for a while. Maybe you should try it. Spray it with her perfume. It might get you through the long, cold nights while she's over there banging Maura."

Kelly winced as she realised what she said. The silence behind her was absolutely deafening. She was grateful she had been facing away from Melissa when she said it. That was a low blow, and she knew it. She heard the bed creak as her wife sat on it, stunned and unable to stand.

"What in the actual fuck are you talking about Kelly?"

Kelly grabbed her backpack and opened her underwear and sock drawer. She began haphazardly filling that too while she studiously ignored her wife.

"Kelly. Kelly. What are you insinuating about myself and Jane?"

Kelly was suddenly tired of the mind games and the constant angsty feelings and this overwhelming need to just bawl her fucking eyes out or hit something solid every five goddamn minutes. She had chased this woman halfway around the world for a chance at love and it still wasn't enough. She, her soul, was just... tired. She opened another drawer as her eyesight began to blur from the onset of her tears.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You let her go the moment Maura wanted her back because she was never yours to begin with. You ran to Chicago to get away from her and you ran from me because I'm not her. You ran up a body count on Gabby to punish her for not being Jane and after she ran off with her tail between her legs you decided to use me, again, as a Jane substitute. I'm not a fucking replacement girlfriend Melissa! I'm a woman who's in love with you and I cannot take this crap anymore."

Kelly finished packing up her backpack, aware that she was doing it blindly as her tears were impossible to see through. Melissa hadn't said a word. She hadn't heard her move or even breathe loudly. There was only the sound of drawers being opened and drawers being shut to combat how loud the silence was in the room.

Kelly finally wiped her eyes and zippered the pack shut. She couldn't look at Melissa right now, not with the way she was feeling. She kept her head down as she tossed the backpack over one shoulder and grabbed the suitcase with her other hand and moved towards the door, keeping a wide berth from the bed. The bottom of the door frame came into view and so did a pair of boots. Kelly stopped cold, as if she had slammed into an invisible wall. She knew those boots.

Her head slowly lifted upwards and sure enough, there was Jane, holding onto her Red Sox t-shirt that she had thrown into the hallway. The woman's eyes were glued onto Melissa and her face was as blank as Kelly had ever seen it. She felt her breath leave her lungs as she turned her head, looking at her wife for the first time in a while. Pain filled, dull blue eyes were staring unblinkingly into her own. Melissa didn't even seem to care that Jane was staring at her the same way from the hallway.

"Shit."

The tears that slowly fell over the sun kissed cheeks of her wife threatened to drown Kelly in her own remorse from both her actions and her words. This was her wife, the woman that she had proclaimed to love, and she hadn't even allowed her the chance to speak or defend herself.

"Missy... Missy I'm so…"

"What do you need Jane?" Kelly was cut off and watched as Melissa stood up and wiped the tears away from her face. She moved out of the way and dropped her suitcase and backpack to the ground as her wife quickly made her way past the constable standing in the doorway.

The same constable who was now staring at her with an unreadable expression on her perfectly blank face. Kelly swallowed as Jane took one step forward and stopped. "I'll be in the living room with Melissa. You should stay here."

Kelly was frozen as Jane reached out and closed the door to her room. The last thing she saw was her former friend's piercing eyes looking at her with no emotion whatsoever. She heard her footsteps taper off as she walked down the hall and disappeared as she made it to the living room. Murmured voices could barely be heard through the door. It was unnerving. It was unsettling. It was embarrassing. It was a declaration of fucking war.

Kelly ripped the door open and fully extended her legs, power walking from one end of the house to the other. She took the turn into the living room at full speed, barely missing the door frame crashing into her shoulder. "Who in the flying fuck do you think you are Jane?"

She didn't care if two sets of eyes were opened wide and staring at her in shock. This was her house, legally, and she'd be damned if another person spoke to her that way in it. "I don't know what kind of batshit mind trip you've been on where you think you can waltz in here and tell me to stay in my room like a child."

"Kelly…"

"Not to mention taking my wife away to speak to her after putting me in my place."

"Kelly, stop for a… "

"Or thinking that you can just come into this house any damn time you want to."

"Kelly. Shut the fuck up!"

Kelly's livid eyes fastened onto Jane's steely gaze. Moments that felt like minutes ticked by as neither blinked, refusing to be outdone by the other. A rustling sound from the couch nearly drew their attention but they remained steadfast in their battle for domination.

"Why don't we make this interesting? On the count of three, drop your trousers. I'll settle the dispute on who's got the bigger cock." Kelly nearly laughed as Melissa's voice rang out both clear and full of sarcasm.

She watched as Jane's lips twitched and both silently counted to three before they turned as one and faced the smaller woman.

"Now, Jane, why don't you tell us why you're here so Kelly and I can get back to our riveting conversation."

"Yeah, sure. Just... sure." Kelly watched as Jane moved to sit next to Melissa on the couch and she quickly bolted to the spot, flinging herself down and spreading out her legs until all the room was taken up.

Eyebrows were raised between the two women as eyes locked, yet again, until the clearing of a throat caused Jane to roll her eyes and sit on a chair across the room.

"Ok, so, this is hard for me to bring up but, well, we need to talk about what happened in Chicago, Missy."

Kelly watched as Melissa shut down immediately. Her entire body became almost blank, and her face was more stoic than she had ever seen. This was not going to end well. For Jane of course. Kelly squared her shoulders and prepared for battle. It didn't matter that she had her clothes packed down the hall and one foot out the door. She was still here, and her wife was not ok because of someone who wasn't her. That was unacceptable.

"Missy, Frost finally got the paperwork, all of it. The coroner's report for Talia was included."

"I don't want to talk about this Jane."

Kelly sat up straight and put both feet on the floor as Melissa moved closer to her. She could see the tightness in Jane's face and felt a moment of remorse for her old friend. Jane clearly didn't want to be having this discussion, but she was pushing it, which meant something serious was going on here.

"Melissa... Missy... please, just hear me out, ok? She was stabbed 43 times in the same locations as prior victims of a known serial killer. Her facial features were eerily similar to the final few women that he targeted before he was caught the first time."

"That doesn't mean anything Jane. Not a damn thing. Not everything that happens is related to Hoyt." Melissa had scooted closer and was wearily leaning against her side.

Kelly felt her muscles flex as she sat up straight on the couch. She stared at Jane's face and realised her old friend had a look there that she had seen a handful of times. It was one of Jane's gut feelings and she had never been wrong before. Kelly tried to swallow as black spots danced in front of her eyes. There was no way she was leaving now. No fucking way.

"Missy, please, just hear what I'm saying, okay? The guy who went after me is on another level. I know, I just know that he has an apprentice out there and he's going to eventually make another move. I need you to take this seriously and I need you to be safe."

"Why?"

Kelly swivelled her head so quickly towards Melissa that she felt a crack in her neck. Blue eyes were staring down at the floor as the nearly whispered word floated in the room between them all.

"Why? Are you kidding me right now? There's a killer out there and you've already been a target once and you're asking me why I need you to be safe? Come on Missy."

"Why should I take any of this seriously? A random break-in occurred in Chicago, not Boston. She was stabbed, yes, but so are a lot of people when they're fucking murdered Jane. Absolutely nothing has happened since we have been back in Launceston. Nothing."

Kelly looked towards Jane and her green eyes locked with dark ones. A question was asked and immediately answered. At this moment, they were not rivals. They were not former friends. They were not on opposite sides of this fight. This was serious and her wife was in danger. Regardless of how pissed and jealous she was at Jane, she still respected the hell out of the woman's abilities as a cop.

"Missy, you know that's not exactly true. There was that bottle of whiskey left on Gabby's doorstep addressed to you."

Kelly jumped as Melissa quickly stood up and moved around the room. She paced multiple times across the carpet as Jane kept throwing glances between the two of them. Kelly never took her eyes off her wife. How could she? There was possibly a serial killer out there who had already targeted her once and now she was hearing for the first time about a mystery gift of whiskey, the last thing her wife should be anywhere near. "What gift?"

"That's the least of our concerns right now."

Kelly's body bristled at Jane's tone. She understood that there was a level of urgency to the situation, but she had every right to know what was going on. She needed to know the risks if she were to have any chance of doing her part to protect her wife.

"What about Maura then?" Kelly's eyes shot towards Melissa who was now standing still, glaring at Jane. She had to admit, that was a good point.

"Of course I'm worried about Maura, but we have a secure home and she is more than aware of the drill with these situations. But she wasn't the one targeted, and I just can't help but think this guy has been planning for a long time. You have nothing here to protect you." Kelly winced and sent a glare to Jane who, of course, ignored it. "If he comes for you, what do you have? A softball bat? Come on Missy, see reason for once, okay? Please?"

Kelly bit her lip to stop from sending a verbal 'fuck you' to Jane, as it wouldn't be helpful to her new goal in life. It was a simple goal, really. Don't let the shit that happened in Chicago happen here to the love of her life. Kelly felt a cold, deep determination fill every part of her body.

She closed her eyes and saw that night so clearly, as if she was back in that damn room. She saw the man moving towards Melissa, saw what was left of Talia sprawled on the floor and felt herself reaching for her handgun. She could taste the blood in the air, the copper coating her tongue as she nearly hyperventilated while watching Melissa bleed out under her hands.

No, Kelly was fully resolved to make sure that Missy didn't end up like Talia. Even if Jane was just a paranoid Hoyt obsessed ass, it didn't matter. Her gut feelings and instincts were legendary, and Kelly wasn't taking any chances.

"Jane, I'm not spending my life sitting on the edge of my seat and waiting for something like that to happen, okay? I'm just not."

"Aren't you already?" Kelly flinched as she looked at Melissa. Her eyes pivoted to Jane's face and the woman's features were fierce and set. She wasn't playing around with this, but the last thing Melissa needed was both of them being a disrespectful ass to her on the same day.

"Jane. What needs to be done around here to ensure Missy's safety?" Kelly saw her wife look at her in her peripheral vision, but she never took her eyes from Jane. She waited until the constable was looking at her before she gave a slight nod to show she was in her corner on this one.

"You need a security system. I've been saying it from day one. You also need a backup generator. There needs to be double locks on every door, minimum, and that backdoor needs to be replaced entirely. You also need to seriously consider getting a firearm, I'll be happy to teach you how to handle it. Plus I can push for an international visitor's exemption for Kelly. Especially since you intend to apply for residency, or citizenship, right?"

Kelly felt mildly insulted at the raised eyebrow levelled at her but nodded anyway in the affirmative.

"Good. I want a shotgun and a handgun in your bedroom Kelly. I can help you pick out a gun safe that uses a fingerprint ID. It's the fastest that I've found for retrieving your weapon if it's needed. I know you know how to use a handgun, but you need to become proficient with a shotgun as well. I'll take you to the range after your licence comes in."

"I'm good with just a handgun Jane, I don't think I'd be comfortable with a shotgun."

"Shotguns are known for home defence above everything else Kel. It's better than using a handgun."

"Yeah, but I'm better with a handgun Jane."

"Sure you wanna go there with me right now Kelly?"

For a moment, she did. Kelly almost opened her mouth and let loose but she took a quick glance at a pale and shaking Melissa and carefully bit her tongue until her rage simmered down. She looked at Jane and realised the woman wasn't being an ass. She was tense and serious. "No. No I don't Jane. Shotgun it is."

"Good. We'll get you a handgun too so you have both just in case. I also want you to get a dog."

"No!" Kelly startled as Melissa loudly made her thoughts on the subject known.

"Missy…"

"No Jane. I'm not getting a dog. Charlie still comes over sometimes. What if he doesn't get along with the puppy? What if he thinks I'm replacing him? I won't do it Jane."

Kelly frowned. Why the Hell was she bringing Gabby's dog into this? "She doesn't even live here, and that dog hasn't been here since you moved back in."

"Because it wouldn't be fair to Charlie and what happens if Gabby needs me to watch him for her? And I know she doesn't live here Kelly."

Kelly cringed a little at the withering glare sent her way. "I didn't realise I spoke out loud.

"Well, you did. I'm not going to ostracise Charlie by getting another dog."

Kelly rolled her eyes at her wife and decided to ask Jane about her reasoning behind her request. "Woah, wait a minute. Jane, why are you suggesting we get a dog?"

Kelly watched as Jane rubbed her forehead and sighed. She could feel the temptation to do the same overcome her as she thought about the new possibility of Melissa still having feelings for Gabby. Kelly followed Jane's lead and rubbed her forehead. She wasn't going to stay here while also being constantly worried about where Melissa's affections truly lay. She was here and would stay as long as it took to make sure her wife would be safe, but that was it.

"Because a dog, a properly trained dog, can be not only a great deterrent but a great alarm system as well. That's why."

Kelly agreed but she didn't think Melissa would be ok with anything that could take over Charlie's place in the house. At least not right away. "Okay, so we need a fearless, loud noisemaker who pops off the moment anything occurs in or near the house. A dog that yearns to be its owner's shadow and will go overboard making sure anyone who comes near the house knows they are not welcome in it. Is that right Jane?"

Black curls bounced as Jane concurred. "Yeah Kel, that's pretty much it. I know a guy who trains police and military dogs. They can attack on command and…"

"No! No. No, Jane. I don't want an attack dog." Kelly looked between her wife and Jane as they locked eyes. They were having a heated debate without saying a word and Kelly tried not to let it bother her. She turned her head away when she felt her eye start to twitch.

"Ok, I'm not going to get into why you feel that way or why I think it's stupid. No attack dog. But you'll get a dog, yeah?"

Kelly wasn't at all sure Melissa would consent to it but she was already thinking of the most fearsome, earsplitting, jealous, and protective dogs that she could, just in case. One solid candidate kept coming to mind and if her hunch was right, it would be perfect for Melissa.

"Not going to happen. The security stuff, sure, that I can get behind. Makes sense, but I'm not replacing Charlie in my life. I love that dog. Maybe Gabby will consider shared custody and maybe she won't, but that's all you're getting out of me, Jane. If there's nothing else you should probably leave."

Kelly perked up at the tone used between them and couldn't help the slight grin as Jane's face fell a bit. Clearly, Melissa was perturbed at her, and Kelly couldn't be happier about it.

"Yeah. I'll go. But promise me that you'll get everything else I talked about set up as soon as you can, okay? I mean it. By this week. I'll push things along on my end with what I can."

Kelly stood up when Jane did and walked behind her toward the front door. She stopped as the constable turned around, clearly waiting for an answer. Melissa wasn't answering and was off in her own world and Kelly decided it was time to take over so Jane could expedite the leaving process. "I'll make sure everything gets done. I'll call when the upgrades are installed."

"Thanks Kelly. I'm just worried, ya know?"

Kelly knew that feeling. She swallowed as the memory of copper flavoured air battered her senses. She held the door open as Jane began to walk through it. "Yeah, I got you. Drive safe Jane. I'll call you when it's done."

"Ok, sounds good Kelly. Tell Missy I'm sorry about having to bring up all this stuff today. I didn't mean to... wait. Wait a fucking minute."

This was not good. Jane's face went pure white and Kelly watched as she rushed back to the living room. Melissa was startled at the sudden reappearance and Kelly moved toward her, unsure about what was happening.

"How did you know I was talking about Hoyt, Melissa?"

Oh. Oh Shit. Kelly felt her stomach drop to her knees at the look on Jane's face. Not to mention the usage of Melissa's Christian name instead of the more friendly term used between them at practically every turn. She moved closer to her silent wife. The woman looked like a frozen statue.

"I told you it was a serial killer, not which one. I told you it was 43 times that she was stabbed and you knew I was talking about Hoyt. How did you know? How the fuck did you know?"

Kelly moved between the two as Jane shifted closer towards Melissa as she spoke. "Woah, hey, back up Jane. Chill, ok? Give her some room." Kelly pulled Melissa behind her and stood up straighter as she felt the woman cling to the back of her shirt. Her chest puffed outwards at the way her wife was trusting her to protect her. Honestly, what was it about this woman that just made you want to shield her from harm?

"How did you know? How did you know I was talking about Hoyt?"

"Because I read up on Hoyt after getting to know you. I wanted to understand what you had been through. It just seemed like the thing to do at the time." Kelly hoped that would calm Jane down, but it didn't.

"So, you knew this was a copycat, that it was just like Hoyt, and you didn't tell me? Are you fucking kidding me Melissa?!" Jane was being unreasonably forceful, and Kelly felt her mindset shift completely as she heard a soft whimper behind her.

Kelly took a solid step forward into Jane's personal space as her last fuck of the day flew out the window. Jane must have realised it too because she took a step back. Her eyes widened at the protective look in Kelly's eyes. "Well, that's it for today, Jane. My house, my rules. And yes, it's my house because that woman right there? That one you just yelled at? That's my wife. Mine. Not yours, not Gabby's, mine. So, this house is mine and any of her other shit is half mine too. That's my rug you're standing on and my front door you're about to move your ass back through. Thanks for your suggestions. I'll get right on them. Now, go home to your woman and leave mine alone until we can sort some crap out. Okay? Great."

Kelly shut the front door and locked it after forcefully walking Jane out. She understood where the woman was coming from, but Melissa had taken enough of a verbal beating for the day. She walked back into the living room and took a deep breath upon seeing her wife's arms wrapped protectively around her middle. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said earlier and the way that I said it. I'm going to start getting the house together and in line with what Jane said. I think they're good ideas Missy, and I know that... oomph!"

Kelly rocked backwards as her wife barreled into her and buried into her chest. Her hands were gripping the back of her shirt like a lifeline, and she was silently crying into the front of it.

Well. There goes any chance I had of burying my feelings for this woman. Damnit.

Kelly held her wife tight and whispered calming words into her ears until Melissa's breathing evened out and she stopped shaking.

"I love you, Kelly. I'm in love with you. Not Gabby, not Jane, you. Just you. That's what Jane and I were talking about this afternoon. I do love her, I always will, but I'm in love with…"

Kelly knew she shouldn't be kissing Melissa right then. She knew she should have just talked to her and tried to figure out what the hell was going on between the two of them, but she had waited so damn long for those beautiful words to come out of that beautiful mouth that her mind just shut down and her body took over.

For long minutes she ran her fingers through soft, blonde hair as their lips danced together over and over again. She loved kissing her wife. It was as if this woman's mouth was created just for her pleasure. Tongues glided together and lips met repeatedly as they lost themselves for a while in bliss.

Eventually they came up for air and Kelly left a long, tender kiss on Melissa's forehead. There was so much to do around the house and so little time to do it. Her goal was simple. Make sure Melissa was safe, no matter the cost. The fact that her wife actually loved her back only bolstered her commitment towards the cause. There was no way in hell she was going to leave now.

"I have some things I need to pick up from the store. We need to listen to Jane on this, okay? At the very least, it would make us feel better to have this place a bit more secure, right?" Kelly was grateful when Melissa tentatively nodded, and she grinned as the woman tried to hold her close.

"It's ok babe, I'll be back soon, okay?" Kelly kissed her again.

"K-Mart is the only place that's going to be open for much longer tonight. We're not in Chicago anymore."

K-Mart certainly wasn't going to be the one stop shop for anything useful in this situation, which left Kelly feeling a little deflated. However the appearance of a small smile on her wife's lips filled her chest with a warmth that balanced her out. Kelly softly rubbed Melissa's shoulders with both hands and said, "Okay so tomorrow we'll go shopping. Tonight we can look up electricians and contractors to call first thing in the morning to organise for help with installation."

"I need to talk to Gabby. I need to apologise to her, for all of it. I really fucked her up, Kel and I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't wanna see me at all, but I have to try."

Regret stared back at her from emotionally spent blue eyes and for the first time since she had been there in Launceston, Kelly no longer viewed Gabby as a threat. Well not in the romance department anyway. She certainly wasn't going to go out of her way to get in Gabby's face any time soon, more afraid of a violent outburst than anything else.

Since Kelly had been in Launceston Gabby had attacked her and Jane, it was a dangerous spiral of violence she wanted no part of, and she most certainly didn't want her wife anywhere near it either. "I'm not sure that's a very safe idea right now."

"She won't lay another hand on me. She wasn't in her right mind this afternoon. You don't have to worry."

Kelly's eyes almost boggled out of her head. Her entire body stiffened the moment her brain processed what her wife had said. Now she really wasn't okay with Melissa going anywhere near Gabby. "What the Hell do you mean she won't lay another hand on you?"

It was apparent by the way Melissa stepped back and shifted uncomfortably on her feet that she regretted saying anything. "No, no, no!" Kelly said, waving her finger in front of her body. "This is not something you retreat from. This is a conversation you have with your wife."

"She didn't initiate it. I jumped on her back trying to slow her down from attacking Jane. It could have been anyone at that moment. She shrugged me off forcefully, that's it. It's not like she actually grabbed me or hit me or shoved me. She was just trying to get the hindrance off of her…"

"So she could finish beating on Jane." Kelly couldn't help the eye roll. It was nauseating listening to Melissa defend her ex like that. No person should be defending Gabby for those actions. She understood the inclination to clock Jane right across the jaw, she really did, especially with everything that had gone on that day, but that didn't mean she gave in to those desires. Nobody should. The fact that Gabby had, and with such a white hot rage as to not even recognise she was throwing a woman she loved away from her like that? No, that was not on. That was fucking wrong and she wasn't going to stand for that. "Stop making excuses for her."

"Jesus Christ Kelly, I'm not saying it was right. I'm not saying she was justified. I'm saying, she wouldn't do that. If it's just me and her talking there won't be any sign of violence. I was trying to make sure you wouldn't worry."

Kelly shook her head and turned away, pacing around the room for a few moments before turning back to face her wife. There was something about Melissa and how damn stubborn she was that just pissed her off, but at the same time she had to trust her wife. She had to show a willingness to trust her judgement. Melissa had been struggling for so long while she was licking her wounds back in Chicago, and was only now finding her feet with therapy and controlling her urges to dull her pain. The least she could do was show a little faith in her wife. "Alright," she said cautiously, "Do what you think is right and hey, maybe Gabby will agree to split custody of Charlie. A dog here half the time is better than not at all, right?"

Melissa's smile was so bright it could have lit up the whole city. Kelly walked over and pulled her close for one more gentle, love affirming kiss. When she pulled away for oxygen she brought her forehead to rest against Melissa's and whispered, "I love you Missy, of course I'm going to worry, but I trust you. I have faith in you. I believe in you."

"I love you too."

---

With Jane on a mission to drag Melissa into her nightmare, Maura had decided she wasn't going to sit around at home twiddling her thumbs. Jane wasn't the only one who could focus on a friendship. Maura sat idly by for two weeks while Gabby distanced herself and as far as she was concerned that had been an error as Gabby was clearly not doing so well. It was the only explanation that made sense for the extreme overreaction that afternoon. No sane woman would pick a fight with Jane and yet Gabby had done exactly that.

Maura parked behind a silver 2012 Toyota Camry sedan and entered the yard. As she approached the front steps she noticed a woman on her way out and after another brief moment it dawned on her where she had seen the woman. It was Gabby's ex that owned Arnie's Bar & Grill. "Hello," she greeted warmly.

Alexis had been on her phone attempting to get a hold of Gabby who wasn't home and wasn't returning her calls. She looked up upon hearing Maura's greeting and came to a stop in front of her. Between the designer jeans, silk blouse and leather boots Alexis quickly formed a hypothesis on who she was meeting. She stuck her hand out and said, "Maura I presume?"

Maura shook the hand offered and found it to be a nice firm shake that wasn't overbearing. She smiled broadly, "Yes. Alexis?"

"In the flesh. Gabby's not home. You wouldn't happen to have an idea where I might find her?"

Maura frowned, disappointed that her friend wasn't home. She thought about it for a moment and had to acknowledge that at this stage she wasn't sure where to look. If she wasn't at home and wasn't at work she could be anywhere and it worried Maura because of the state of mind Gabby had been in after refusing transport by the paramedics that afternoon. "I'm afraid your guess is as good as mine. She had a difficult afternoon."

"Oh?" Alexis' curiosity was piqued.

"It's a long story," Maura said, not sure how much she should be revealing.

"Difficult on a Saturday afternoon? Then I'm sure it was a Missy situation." Alexis' deduction was on point and impressed Maura, who found she was taking an instant liking to the woman.

"Yes, unfortunately Gabby wasn't prepared for Melissa making her return. I suspect she thought softball would be a safe space for her following the breakup."

"That woman certainly knows how to get under Gabby's skin," Alexis commented, attempting to gauge where Maura stood as far as Melissa was concerned.

"That woman," Maura almost growled, irked just thinking about Melissa. "Is nothing but trouble."

Alexis' smile was quite satisfied. She felt like she might like Maura very much if she got the chance to get to know her better, which hinged on how things progressed with Gabby. "I couldn't agree more, anyway it was nice to meet you Maura. If you see Gabby tonight can you let her know I was looking for her?"

"Absolutely." Maura agreed, turning to walk out with Alexis. "Would you mind doing the same? I'm worried about her."

Alexis glanced sideways at Maura as they made their way to the street, shutting the gate behind them. She got the sense that something more than being surprised by Melissa's presence that afternoon was in play. "What happened this afternoon? She's been ghosting me all evening, even though we were meant to catch up after dinner."

Maura studied Alexis' closely for a moment and it dawned on her that this wasn't just a random meeting. She sought clarification, "She's been seeing you these past two weeks?"

"Yeah, we've been spending some time together." Alexis confirmed, "I thought she would have mentioned that. She's told me all about you and Jane."

Maura felt a little hurt that Gabby had chosen to distance herself and not bothered to mention she was spending time with her ex-girlfriend. She was curious but thought better than to probe too much. "She hasn't exactly made any time for our friendship lately," she admitted sadly.

Alexis felt bad about that. It completely tracked with Gabby's personality though, to retreat into her shell while hurting. She was actually quite fortunate that Gabby had turned to her at all. "I'm genuinely sorry to hear that. I'll encourage her to remember who her friends are."

Maura smiled softly upon hearing that. "Thank you, I appreciate that. I'm honestly just relieved to know that she hasn't been dealing with the breakup alone."

Alexis wasn't exactly sure how much grief Gabby had been processing when they were together, but she imagined it was better than the alternative of her being a complete recluse. "You know what she's like as well as I do, Maura. She's not exactly processing much around me, but at least she's not alone through it all."

"Very true," Maura agreed. Suddenly remembering Alexis' earlier question she decided it wouldn't hurt to provide some context. "As for your previous question, Gabby and Jane got into a physical altercation today due to a miscommunication. She has a hematoma on her jaw, but no signs of concussion."

Alexis' eyebrows shot up in surprise. She knew that Gabby had nothing but good things to say about Jane, so for those two to come to blows it had to be because of Melissa. She knew of Jane and Melissa's romance because it had been one of the things Gabby had discussed with her while giving her the lowdown on what had changed in her life. Just as she knew of the brief romance Gabby had shared with Maura and their subsequent friendship. Everything Gabby had to say about Maura always left Alexis with a positive impression, but that big heart and unwavering trust in those she cared about left the woman open for being taken advantage of. She truly hoped that wasn't happening in this situation. "So she's probably off somewhere licking her wounds then."

"I suspect as much, yes." Maura agreed.

Alexis was worried, but felt a bit better knowing there was a reason Gabby was ghosting her. She figured that Gabby didn't really want to explain how she got a bruised face and while there was a certain level of annoyance that accompanied her gut feel on the cause of the situation, there was genuine relief too. "Thank you for the heads up. I'm going to head back to the grill, feel free to stop by anytime."

Maura smiled graciously, "I might just take you up on that. Have a wonderful evening, Alexis. It truly was nice meeting you."

Alexis smiled warmly and waved goodbye as she hopped into her Camry and drove off. Maura watched her go before getting into her own vehicle. She didn't leave straight away as she was pondering the new information she had. She was even more concerned about Gabby as despite having another person to confide in, she was clearly not doing so. Holding in all the emotion of her heartbreak wasn't going to end well and Maura just knew she had to find a way to get her friend to open up to prevent any further descent into unhealthy coping mechanisms.

A knock on her window drew Maura's attention back to the world around her and she rolled down her window. She looked up at Gabby who stood there with a puzzled look on her face. "Hello. I thought I missed you."

"Was out walking Charlie." Gabby said, eyeing Maura cautiously, unsure if she should prepare for a lecture about her behaviour that afternoon. Recognising that she owed her friend some of her time at the very least, she preempted any self invitation by extending one herself. "Did you want to come inside?"

Maura smiled warmly, "I'd like that."

Once they were inside Gabby left Maura alone in the living room to check the drink situation. A quick sniff of the carton told her the orange juice was not drinkable, which meant she had beer and black tea as she hadn't picked up any milk either. She had been spending so much time with Alexis that she had neglected the basics. Poking her head around the corner into the living room she said, "I've got beer or Bushells, out of milk though. Did you want either?"

Maura didn't want to drink caffeine at that time of the day, plus she had developed a preference for some imported teas, not that the Australian black tea was bad, it just wasn't quite to her tastes. Gabby's taste in beer was much more tolerable to her taste buds and she didn't want to be rude. "A beer would be lovely, thank you."

Gabby joined Maura on the couch, handing her a glass she had filled with the Boag's Draught. "I know you prefer wine. I just haven't had a chance to stock up since Missy moved out."

Maura smiled softly in an attempt to put her friend at ease. "This is more than fine, thank you."

Gabby shrugged and took a lung pull from her bottle. She watched as Maura more delicately took several sips of the amber liquid in her glass before sitting it down on a coaster on the coffee table. They really were chalk and cheese and yet there was something about her friend that just clicked with her. She leaned forward and sat her beer down on the coffee table, a small smile tugging at her lips when Maura picked it up and placed it on a coaster. "So I think I owe you a bit of an apology."

Feeling much more content with both beers on coasters Maura looked up at Gabby, pleasantly surprised. "Oh?"

"I shouldn't have gone at Jane like I did and you were right, I should have listened to what she was trying to tell me." Gabby had done a lot of thinking while walking Charlie. His presence was so soothing it often allowed her to process the deeper emotions swirling around in her mind. She had come to the conclusion that no matter what she felt on the matter she shouldn't have assaulted Jane and she especially shouldn't have run her mouth to Maura like she had. "I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did either. It was thoughtless and disrespectful. I'm genuinely sorry about that, Maura."

Maura appreciated the genuine apology, but her thoughts focused on how to delicately navigate discussion of the situation so as not to spook her friend. There was clearly a lot to be concerned about from the behaviour, but it was extremely out of character. She knew that Gabby had changed a lot since her accident as far as feeling her emotions went and that she had sometimes struggled with controlling her temper, but from what Jane had told her, that afternoon's actions had been on a different level entirely. "I thank you for your apology, but I must admit that I am worried about you, Gabby."

Gabby nodded slowly in complete agreement. "If I were completely honest with you, Maura, I can't say I blame you. What happened today… I've never felt that level of rage before in my life. It was as if I was watching myself do and say things I truly shouldn't have and yet I couldn't stop myself. Hate to say it, but Jane did what she had to. I don't think I would've stopped."

"That was her observation too," Maura commented, realising that she may have been a little too hard on Jane. "Do you want to talk about what you were feeling before you lost control?"

Gabby looked over at Charlie who was laying on his dog bed chewing a rawhide bone to buy herself a moment to consider the offer. Clearly holding everything in wasn't working and it was dangerous to keep doing so if that afternoon's reaction to extreme emotional stimuli was going to become the norm. She flexed her jaw a little before looking back at Maura. "I don't really want to talk about any of it, but I think I need to."

Maura offered a comforting smile and encouraged, "I'm here to listen."

Gabby picked her beer back up and sculled it, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand to clear left over liquid. Maura was obviously concerned and she couldn't exactly blame her friend for the look she sent her way. They both understood what Jane had been like when she had used alcohol to escape her pain. Gabby sighed because more than that she had experienced Melissa's descent into the bottle multiple times in the past and if ever there had been a cautionary tale it had been her ex. "Yeah," she said reluctantly, "There's definitely been too much of that in the last couple of weeks."

Maura merely nodded, deciding that staying quiet and just listening was her best option. She sat with her hands folded in her lap. Her eyes studied Gabby closely while remaining soft and encouraging.

"I'm not doing well when I'm alone. I, uh… I've definitely been drinking too much. God, Maura, I'm a fuckin' mess in all honesty." Gabby rubbed at her neck, needing something to keep her mind planted in the now. "I know I've shut you out. I just… I haven't been ready to face it all. I could barely stomach working with Jane. Too much of a reminder."

"Yes, she mentioned that you were quite aloof before your promotion." Maura confirmed.

Gabby couldn't help chuckling because she knew instantly that Maura had cleaned up the language. Jane had remained miraculously polite with her on their last shifts together, but even she could see the way Jane would work her jaw when she thought she wasn't looking. "Uh huh, sounds legit."

"Well I am paraphrasing, obviously." Maura conceded with a soft smile, "You know how I feel about unwarranted use of coarse language."

Gabby looked Maura straight in the eyes and said, "Give her a break Maura, the woman has been royally shafted. She's stuck with Hillenbrandt as a training officer. Any harsh language was warranted from that moment forward."

"I understand that he is rather incompetent. Jane's been complaining she has been stuck doing his paperwork as well as her own."

"Doesn't surprise me at all." Gabby smiled weakly, their brief interlude passing as reality slammed back into her brain. Having finally had a chance to get to know Jane better and build up a friendship, it absolutely sucked that she had taken a sledgehammer to their relationship with her actions that afternoon. She still had her doubts about Jane and Melissa's 'friendship' but with her emotions calmer and her head clearer she knew she had gone about it completely wrong. "I really dunno why you're even here." Gabby admitted sadly, "If the situation were reversed, I'd have probably told you to go fu…"

"Language, Gabby." Maura interrupted having completely read her best friend's face. She wasn't really perturbed by the usage, she did however want to keep Gabby in a lighter mood.

"...udge yourself." Gabby finished with a roll of her eyes. "Suffice to say, I know I'm lucky that you're even here giving a damn. So thanks for that, Maura."

"I wouldn't forsake you over one out of character incident. Clearly that sort of behaviour cannot continue to be repeated, but I understand that you've had a lot on your mind lately. I just hope recognising your loss of control helps you to take your mental and emotional health more seriously."

"Well yeah," Gabby said, "It wasn't just Jane I hurt with my actions. I threw Missy off of me with such force when she was just trying to stop me from doing something stupid."

Charlie looked up from his bone and whined a little when he heard the familiar name. He then stood up and padded over to Gabby, nuzzling into the hand she brought down to his level. Gabby sighed, recognising that her dog missed Melissa as much if not more than she did. "Charlie's been depressed since she left. She kind of slipped into being his caretaker over the last couple of months thanks to my increasing need to distance myself from what was happening at home."

Maura chose to bite her tongue. The entire one-sided nature of the open relationship angered her to no end. She reminded herself that it had been Gabby's proposal and that in and of itself was a huge indicator of the desperation her friend had been feeling in the relationship. "Do you miss her?"

"Yeah, Maura I do. I can't trust her, but she's been in my life for over half of it in one way or another. So yeah, I really do." Gabby ran her free hand along her buzzed hair. She shook her head softly, several tears pooling in her eyes, which she ended up rubbing away with her hand before returning it to a position rubbing the back of her neck. "I've just been trying to push her out of my mind by spending a lot of time with Alex."

"Oh that reminds me. I ran into Alexis earlier, she was on her way out. She asked me to let you know that she was looking for you." Maura said, ensuring she kept her word.

"Oh, you ran into her earlier?" Gabby asked, a little nervous about what may have been discussed by the two women.

"Yes."

"Did you guys talk about anything?"

"Just our concern for your well being."

Gabby nodded slowly, "Did this afternoon come up at all?"

"Briefly," Maura confirmed. "I didn't give many specifics, however she quite intuitively picked up on Melissa's involvement."

Gabby sighed heavily. Of course Alexis did. For someone that had been absent for a large portion of the last ten years Alexis still knew her all too well. Her attempts to avoid a difficult conversation with the woman were definitely dashed. "So what exactly does she know?"

"That you had an altercation with Jane and were injured as a result. Why do you ask?" Maura's curiosity was piqued by Gabby's barrage of questions. There was clearly something going on that she was missing.

Gabby closed her eyes for a moment and focused on her breathing. When she opened them she reluctantly admitted, "I've sort of been sleeping with her."

"Oh." Maura couldn't contain her surprise, but at least it made a lot more sense why Gabby had preferred Alexis' company to her own. There were services on offer there she couldn't provide. "Do you think that's wise?"

There it was, the whole reason Gabby had been reluctant to talk to Maura in the first place. The common sense of her best friend was unavoidable. Although at this point after the afternoon's wrong doings her little bubble of joy would end up bursting anyway once Alexis put two and two together as to why she was sporting a nasty looking bruise on her face. "I have no idea, but it's been nice. For the first time in a long time I've felt like I mattered."

Alexis was somewhat of a mystery to Maura as they hadn't really discussed her much at all. She knew the woman had existed, but until a few weeks prior wouldn't have been able to put a face to the name. "You never did tell me much about her."

"Because there was never anything good that could come from that. I left her because I fell in love with Missy. We've only caught up a few times since then, well until the day I left Missy anyway."

Maura listened to Gabby's explanation, which only brought up more questions. She knew Gabby was young when she started dating Melissa and as such would have been even younger when she was with Alexis. "Were you in love with her?"

A fond smile graced Gabby's lips thinking back on her highschool days. She had been so smitten. "Oh yeah."

"First love?"

Gabby nodded slowly, "Yup. We just grew apart. She didn't like my desire to be a cop and I was spending so much time at the Taylor's house with Missy that it all just went pear shaped."

"And she was the first person you wanted to talk to after your relationship with Melissa ended?" Maura couldn't help but wonder if there had been some feelings lingering dormant under the surface thrust into the spotlight by the definitive end of Gabby's relationship with Melissa.

"Well no, I wanted to talk to you but at the same time I couldn't. I needed to be free from our whole circle for a while. She was the second though, I'll grant you that." Gabby could practically see the cogs turning in Maura's head and it was doing the emotional mathematics she had already been doing for the last two weeks. Had there been more to her calling Alexis than she first thought? She still wasn't sure. "I just knew that I was desperate for somethin' to be about me and uh, yeah, she let it be."

Maura didn't miss what was left unsaid and she couldn't help the way her eyebrows shot up in shock. Gabby hadn't even waited a day to crawl into the arms of her ex.

"Yeah, I see that look. It wasn't my proudest moment and Alex sure ripped me a new one for even proposing the idea in the first place." Gabby could see her friend attempting to figure out how she went from being scolded to getting laid, so she put her out of her misery. "I kind of had a bit of a meltdown and uh, she just gave in. Kissed me like I haven't been kissed in a long time."

The last time she'd felt a kiss anything remotely close to that kiss from Alexis had been in the kitchen at Maura's. When she was so close to walking away from their arrangement the day she failed her first assessment to get back on the job. Gabby swallowed thickly at that thought. She had reunited with Melissa not long after and none of those kisses had come close and it had never been about the mechanics, because mechanically all three women were fantastic kissers. It was the heart poured into the kisses and while she suspected Maura had simply channelled her feelings for Jane in a masterpiece of deception, it was the realisation that she hadn't felt that intensity from Melissa that cut the deepest. "God," she muttered, "I've been so stupid."

"What do you mean?"

Gabby stood and disappeared into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and stared inside it. She reached in for another beer before stopping herself. She slammed the fridge door and leaned against it, burying her head against an arm. She had to do better. Be better. It didn't matter how much she hurt. At that moment she felt like someone had taken a red hot branding iron and was applying it directly to her chest. "Oh God," she sobbed, tears flowing thick and fast.

Maura appeared behind her friend and it absolutely gutted her to see the grief wracking her friend's body as she openly wept. She could count on one hand the number of times she had seen Gabby cry and this time was the most intense she had ever witnessed. She stepped closer so that she could rub circles against Gabby's back in an attempt to calm her down. "It will be alright," she cooed softly, "Just let it out."

Gabby wasn't sure that was possible as she shook from the power of the sobs. The reason she had felt so alone in her relationship with Melissa was because in some ways she had been. She had been so very right back in Chicago when she warned Melissa to take time to be sure about who she needed. She slammed the fridge with her free hand, angry that she hadn't stood firmer then. She could have saved them both so much heartache. Her palm slammed into the fridge once more, her anger escalating as she started to come to way too many conclusions that cut her like a knife. "I didn't see it."

Maura had to brace herself each time Gabby slammed into the refrigerator, but she maintained her soothing touch on her friend's back. "Didn't see what?" She asked gently.

"It stopped being me after Jane came onto the scene." Gabby managed very quietly, her voice lowering as her anger and frustration only grew. Her entire body was vibrating with an intense energy that didn't have an outlet and she was more than aware of the hand attempting to calm her down. It was the only grounding sensation she had, but it was hard to deal with it. Because at that moment it was very hard to reconcile in her mind the difference between her best friend and her best friend's fiancée, who had been the one whose love had actually robbed her of any chance of a healthy relationship with Melissa. "You need to leave."

"Gabby," Maura started, unsure why she was being pushed away. "Let me be here for you."

Gabby turned slowly, her face was stained with tears, her eyes bloodshot, her jaw grinding dangerously, oblivious to the pain it caused. She only felt her rage intensifying as she stared at Maura. She didn't want to lose control with her best friend around, that was a death sentence waiting to happen. "I can't be around you right now," she ground out slowly, using every ounce of energy she had left not to lash out angrily.

It wasn't Maura's fault Melissa had fallen in love with Jane, but she sure couldn't help but be reminded of what she had lost two and a half years prior. It had taken until now to realise it of course, but now that she had the hurt was so raw she was ready to explode. It felt a lot like how she felt walking in on Jane and Melissa that afternoon and it started making a lot more sense why she had erupted so violently. Her subconscious was already piecing together the truth.

Maura knew it was a reckless move, but something inside her told her that she had to do something. She had to find a way to calm Gabby down because she sure couldn't leave her alone in the state she was in. She wrapped her arms around her best friend and pulled her into a tight embrace. She held on for dear life when her friend initially attempted to pull out of it until Gabby finally melted into the hug, clinging even tighter than she was. "I won't leave you alone like this."

Gabby tightened her hold even further. Her anger subsided into an agonising heartache, which would have doubled her over or buckled her knees if she hadn't been held up by the firm grip her friend had on her. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed repeatedly against Maura's shoulder.

Maura didn't know what Gabby was sorry about but she didn't think it was the time to question it. All that mattered was that her friend felt safe. "It's alright, Sweetheart. It will be okay."

Gabby stood clinging to Maura for a solid minute before the sobs finally subsided. She pulled back to arms length and roughly wiped the tears away with the back of her arm. Realising she had become unbearably snotty she excused herself to go clean up. After blowing her nose and cleaning up the offending discharge with a tissue, Gabby ran some water in the sink and washed her face.

Gabby looked long and hard at herself in the mirror. The bruise on her face was mild thankfully, but it stood out, a harsh reminder of the danger of losing her temper. She splashed her face with some more water, her eyes glistened with tears and she blinked them away. Her heart clenched at the mess she had become. She had allowed herself to fall so far and it was all because she couldn't leave well enough alone two and a half years ago. Jealousy had ruined her. She'd had it all when she was with Maura. Sure, in hindsight she'd have probably still lost Maura, as her best friend clearly belonged with Jane, but at least her heart wouldn't have been this broken. It would have probably been a sudden end, not something so gut wrenchingly awful as what Melissa had put her through but something that just simply snuck up on them both - or rather, someone. Or maybe it would have played out pretty much the way it already did, except this time she wouldn't have kissed Melissa and been sucked back into believing she was the one. Then again, without that kiss she wouldn't have had the accompanying guilt that made sure she didn't outright hate Maura for kissing Jane in the first place. She was screwed no matter what happened, she realised. She was deadset destined for fucking heartache, one way or the other.

"Pull your shit together Wilson," she growled at her reflection in an attempt to regain some control over her spiralling thoughts. It was difficult dwelling on the past and the decisions that led her down the path she had travelled. She was angry with Melissa for putting her through two and a half years of pining, when she was clearly no longer who she wanted. She was angry with herself for not realising sooner that Melissa running away to chase her dreams was the exact opposite of what she had done for six years prior to that. She should have known then that something was different. "Fuuuuuuck," she roared, her fist crunching into the mirror. The physical pain provided the temporary salve she needed for the ache in her chest.

"What on earth?" Maura cried out, stepping into the bathroom having been drawn to investigate by Gabby's loud outburst. Her eyes quickly assessed the situation. Gabby was wringing her hand and the mirror was cracked. She reached out for the offending appendage and said, "As if you haven't already hurt yourself enough today. Let me see."

The slightly perturbed tone followed by the immediate need to help brought a smile to Gabby's lips. There was something about Maura when she was slightly annoyed but in doctor mode that brought her a sense of comfort. She let Maura take her hand to assess the damage. She already knew it wasn't too bad, but she had probably added more bruises to her collection from the day. The pain was subsiding as she hadn't even managed to send glass flying, it had only been enough pressure to crack the mirror. "It's fine. I didn't even cut myself."

Maura wasn't impressed. After satisfying her own curiosity she let Gabby have her hand back. She locked eyes with her friend and said, "I'm going to give you the number of a good therapist. You clearly have some anger issues you need to work out."

Gabby sighed, closed her eyes and dropped her chin. It was the last thing she wanted. It might be warranted, but it wasn't really anger that drove her to throw her fist. It was excruciating emotional pain, which the last time she felt she had navigated with loads of sex, with the very woman standing in front of her looking half concerned, half pissed off. "Oh," she said, it dawning on her that she had more in common with Melissa than she thought, but then again there was a huge difference between using sex with a consenting adult for comfort while single and taking advantage of an open relationship that you shouldn't have been in, in the first place. What she and Maura shared had been complicated and beneficial to both parties in the midst of their long complicated end. What Melissa had put her through was just plain wrong. She shook her head in an attempt to escape the rabbit hole her brain was trying to take her down. It was bouncing back and forth between hating Melissa and trying to justify her actions. It was going to be a long journey learning to stop defending her ex. Seeing a therapist wasn't the worst idea.

Maura had a puzzled look on her face. "Oh?"

"Nothin', just a thought. Leave the number, I'll talk to someone." Gabby motioned for Maura to leave the bathroom and followed her out of the room. Standing in the hall she said, "I really do appreciate everything you've done tonight. I'm glad I wasn't alone for that meltdown, but I really do need to be alone now. I need to try and think my way through all this, cause I'm really hurtin'."

All the work she and Jane had done together on their communication and boundaries provided a fantastic reference point for Maura in that moment. Her immediate reaction was to fight Gabby's request, but she recognised that it had been a big night emotionally and it was time to take a step back. "Absolutely, Gabby. You know where to find me if you need me."

"I do and I won't be such a stranger this time." Gabby said as they walked a few feet down the hall to the front door. "Promise."

"I'll hold you to that." Maura said, making sure that Gabby understood she had been missed. "I'll text you the details for the therapist when I get home."

"Sounds great. Goodnight Maura."

"Goodnight Gabby."

---

A/N: Sorry I was a day late, but it's basically two chapters in one. The first part of the chapter you'll have noticed was written differently as most of it was actually written by my partner. She took a framework I was having trouble fleshing out and turned it into her own personal channeling of Kelly's feelings, and she was so spot on that I only made a few changes (including the ending of the scene), because it really was perfect and better than anything I could have come up with this week. So shout out if you enjoyed the Kelly perspective. Thanks for reading, as always.