Summary
Another story of Bella and Jacob begins with a memorable tent scene. There is no Edward in it, hence its ending and consequences are completely different than in the original.
Note:
The story is about love and sometimes also touches on its physical aspects. It contains erotic scenes, described without unnecessary explicitness and in an easily digestible way, but probably not intended for reading by young people. Therefore, I am asking those under 16 years of age not to read it. I am posting this warning because this fanfiction is not suitable for the "over 18" category (in fact, sex is not its subject, but only a supplement), but it is also not intended for lower age groups.
Disclaimer
All characters and the world depicted belong to Twilight author Stephenie Meyer. I don't claim any rights to anything other than my own plot.
Preface
Not being able to read the future, we make choices that later seem incomprehensible to us. Our entire fate seems to be the result of coincidences, or to put it another way: fate. However, there are people who have enough strength to change, reverse and rearrange something that seems to be the obvious course of events. This is what Jacob is like, because how can we explain all the events he initiated?
On the day of the fight with the newborns, I was forced to spend the night in a tent on the top of the mountain, so as to be away from any potential danger. Why didn't Edward accompany me? Why was Jacob watching over me? Now I think it HAD to be this way, but at the time, fresh from the turning point in my life, I thought Edward had simply made a mistake. Or even better. That his mistake was trusting me... and underestimating Jacob.
Chapter I
Let yourself warm up
The icy wind blew through the fabric of the tent from time to time. I was alone, relying on my own circulation and warm clothes.
"Don't be silly, I know you're cold," I heard his voice.
"Don't worry, I can do it," I replied, partly out of defiance, and partly in the hope that I would actually be able to warm myself up.
I definitely didn't want to let him in here. I couldn't bear the thought of meeting his amused look, saying, "I told you so." My stay there during a snowstorm was not only idiotic, but also extremely risky. But I had to be there…
My teeth were chattering, I was shaking, slowly losing feeling in my limbs, but I still couldn't bring myself to ask him to come and warm me up. I knew he was sitting calmly in front of that tent, half-naked and furiously pleased that I was being punished for my childish stubbornness. He was obviously hot... He always bragged about it, going shirtless and barefoot during the worst rains.
"Bells…I can hear your teeth chattering! Let me in, maybe I'll save your toes, they might be useful to you later…"
I was grinding my teeth, but I couldn't feel my limbs anymore, so I decided to call it quits... Just for the sake of my health.
"Okay, Jake, It looks like I have no other choice, come on in."
It took him a split second to get inside. In the warm light of the lamp, I saw his mischievous smile full of triumph. I clenched my fists, but the fatigue of the several hours of fighting the cold was so great that, despite all my anger at this idiotically embarrassing situation, I opened the sleeping bag without a word and with an inviting gesture. He beamed with satisfaction. Here I was, Bella Swan, stubbornly refusing even the thought of any physical contact (not back then, when we were friends, and not now, when we hadn't stopped arguing for a month), about to cuddle into the chest of a man who irritated me by being even several miles away.
Jake… Jake… Jacob…
It irritated me by knocking me out of my own orbit. Persistent attempts to "open my eyes", this unjustified certainty that I will be his because, according to his own opinion, he was created for me. Him, no one else. Friendship hung in the balance when I made the final decision about my own transformation and bonding with Edward. He stopped being a friend, or maybe it was me who left...
I missed him, which caused a disturbing mix of longing and regret that it ended like this, because it was only the fault of his lack of tolerance and respect for my choices. He more or less openly tried to fight for me. But friendship wasn't enough for him, he fought for love that I wasn't going to give him. Jake... And yet, when I looked into his black eyes, usually slightly narrowed, when, furious at my stubbornness, he tried to "enlighten" me, or when I saw his radiant smile in rare moments of agreement and how in the old days we managed to joke... then I realized that the world, my world, couldn't exist without him. That in some perverse way he made me dependent on him, or maybe my vanity did it, because a part of my ego (I hate to admit it) loved to feel his affection, his infatuation (even though he called it love).
I felt absurdly small and fragile next to him, he was really very tall and muscular. He would probably win the heart of any woman, but my heart, I was sure, belonged entirely to someone else. To Edward! But I couldn't have them both.
As soon as he appeared, I felt the familiar smell of resin and wind. He smelled of the forest... Without a word, he slid into the sleeping bag next to me and unceremoniously hugged me, although with such large hands and so much strength of which he was not fully aware, it would be better to say "pinned" me all over him.
I was speechless, and he smiled brightly and whispered in my ear:
"Jump out of your clothes." I froze, first of all his breath felt hot on my icy skin, and second of all I didn't know if he was joking with me or he was just confused.
"Are you crazy?" I hissed, trying to free myself.
And he, with his killer, confident smile, simply said:
"Ohh…Bells are you ashamed? Or maybe afraid of me or rather yourself...?" He smiled, narrowing his eyes.
I didn't have time to cut myself off before he leaned on one arm. Lying on his side, he pulled me towards him and his hand quickly slipped under my clothes, straight to my icy back. He placed it right above the waistband of my pants, it was so big that it filled the entire space up to the edge of my bra. Warmth spread across my skin. I jumped and he chuckled. I growled (probably not very confidently, because my throat was dry).
"Jake, what are you doing?"
He looked into my eyes, silent for a moment and then said with all seriousness.
"I've had a lot of time to think about today's opportunity. Shhh... don't say anything, I just want a chance to talk to you about something important."
The combination of this announcement and the slow movements of his hands on my bare back made me gradually forget about the cold.
"Honey, I understand that you have already made some decisions, but I won't rest until you understand that you haven't experienced anything yet in your life, that you haven't allowed yourself to explore other possibilities, that you haven't had a chance to look at everything from a different perspective..."
"But.." I started.
"Shhh... let me finish..." He paused. "You are my life, you are human just like me, and just like me you haven't... hmmm... you haven't yet learned all the things humans experience. And after the transformation, it will no longer be the same."
How the hell did he know that Edward didn't consent to sex before his transformation?
"Jake! What are you talking about?"
"Honey... let me…give me a chance, look deep into your own soul and tell me that you don't want to, that you sincerely refuse to try this closeness, that you refuse my touch, my lips, my body, but Bella... I'm begging you, give me a chance to convince you, give me five minutes."
I was speechless, unable to utter a word, and Jacob, probably convinced that silence was consent, sat up, lifting me and sitting me face to face on top of him. He was so big that even in this position my mouth was level with his chin, so he took my chin and leaned down a little... and for a second I felt his hot breath approaching my lips, I didn't have time to recover from the shock when I felt his full, soft lips on yours.
I felt hot as he gently parted my lips with his tongue. No, I didn't protest, everything happened so fast and was so... different. His kisses were so different from anything I had experienced before. He was gentle, yet very passionate... it wasn't hard to guess that this was just the beginning of what he wanted to show me. He played with my tongue, gently bit my lips, teased me, hinting at what might happen that night, and made me lose myself completely. I put my hand in his raven hair, pulled him even closer to me, and with my eyes closed, I indulged in the pleasure. Suddenly he stopped, when I opened my eyes I saw that mischievous smile again.
He tilted his head and looked at me, obviously very pleased with himself, and when I felt how embarrassed I was and that maybe he was about to laugh at me for giving in to passion so easily, he whispered in a very sensual tone:
"I didn't know you could want a woman so much."
I blushed.
"It's been five minutes... Don't you want to know the rest? Find out what you're giving up? Don't like how you feel right now? I can hear your heart beating…"
I couldn't answer anything, various thoughts were racing in my head, the main one was, to my surprise, that... he is already a real man, he has grown from a puppy who had a crush on me into a very attractive guy. Sitting on his lap, feeling the heat of his bare skin on my breasts, his strong hands on my hips, I shamefully watched my own growing arousal. Yes, I wanted that. It wasn't about sex, although I couldn't come to terms with Edward's decision.
It was about him, about Jacob...
We were silent, looking into each other's eyes. He obviously wanted to hear my decision, and without saying anything, I slightly pushed him back so that he lay down, still wearing me, while I timidly reached for the buttons of my blouse. He was speechless!
I guess he wasn't ready for the fact that I wouldn't even want to discuss it and would give up without a fight. I realized with emotion that he wasn't that confident at all, that it was just a teasing way of making fun of me, that he didn't really believe that his dream was coming true. My Jake... I let him triumph, I had the strange joy that he finally felt noticed, appreciated, rewarded for sticking with me, for his efforts... I was burning with desire and also with curiosity, it was the first time I was so close to Jacob, and in in a sense, a man in general.
Before I unbuttoned the first button, he started on the others. I took off my shirt without shame, looking into his face as he let his eyes wander over my full breasts covered in a purple bra. He took his time, purred softly, ran his hand across my neckline, gently tracing the edge of my underwear with his finger. Suddenly he pulled me to him and laid me next to him, leaning on his arm and using his other hand he began to search for the zipper of my jeans. He towered over me with his strong figure, radiated warmth, and the light in his eyes melted the remnants of my sanity.
I've never seen how sweet the combination of animal strength and boyish sensitivity is. Now it was especially visible how much he listened to my body, how he examined my reactions, how he cared not to do something wrong, perhaps doing most of these things for the first time. I had never felt how smooth his skin was before, how hard his muscles were, and I wondered if I could bear his weight if... Once he started touching me, gravity no longer applied to me. It was he and only he that kept me in this place. I wanted him and I loved wanting him like that. He was right, there was a side of humanity that I had no idea about before.
There is just this moment, here and now…
Something inside me broke, everything else fell into the background. The hot skin began to burn me, and I searched for more of him with my hands. He took off my pants, undressed himself, and looked into my eyes, as if checking whether at this moment, when his hands were occupied with something other than caressing me.
I sighed quietly, observing his beautiful body. I couldn't take my eyes off his arms, belly, thighs, face slightly flushed with excitement... He looked almost unreal, he was too perfect, and my gaze couldn't hide my admiration. He gently unbuttoned my bra, took off my panties and only then looked at me and sighed. I was expecting a compliment, in fact, I've always known how much he liked me, but he managed to surprise me.
He simply got embarrassed, looked down and, with a slightly trembling voice, murmured.
"Bells, you are beautiful. If you don't want all of me, this is the last moment to back out... In a moment I might not be able to hold back anymore."
I responded with a gesture, stretched out on the sleeping bag like a cat, spreading my thighs and stretching my hands towards him. I was amazed at myself, as if I was watching this scene from the side, and in a moment I was about to feel a man inside me for whom I had no feelings at all.
I didn't know then how much that night would change.
He lay on top of me, supporting me on his forearms. It was so heavy that I could hardly breathe. To my surprise, it turned out that he had more patience than me, he covered my breasts with kisses, teased my nipples, ran his tongue over my skin, making me think only about him entering me as soon as possible, now, immediately.
I raised my buttocks slightly so as not to have to literally rush him, and with a smile that always disarmed me, he looked into my eyes and whispered teasingly.
"It would be worth dying to make you show your feelings like this..."
He gently touched my lips with his tongue and simultaneously entered my mouth and me.
We both let out a muffled moan. I had my hands on his back, feeling every muscle under his hot skin. Heat poured into me with each of his thrusts. I felt no pain, I was so aroused that the pain was numbed by adrenaline and pleasure. For a moment I lost my breath and my eyes darkened. My heart lost a few beats... Jacob showed me the stars, in his arms I experienced the greatest pleasure I could ever experience, he loved me with such passion, greed, as if in a minute the world was about to fall apart into a million pieces. There was so much fervor mixed with tenderness in him, as if he wanted to shout out love with his body... It was too late to sleep that night. And we have not committed the sin of waste either. Every minute was permanently etched in my memory. A second without his touch seemed like an hour, the absence of his hands ached already, even though he hadn't taken them away from me yet.
I only had a few hours until Edward returned.
I was was afraid to think what that night had changed in me. I didn't want to answer questions that hadn't been asked yet. I felt that I had to escape from myself (as if that were possible...) and put in order and name what I had done. A part of me was looking for an excuse: just a young woman, a young man, closeness, an opportunity... it happened, but it wasn't just any handsome boy, it was Jake, whom I had rejected for so long. Now I know it's out of fear of changing anything in my life.
Jacob...
I smelled like him now - resin forest, musk, love. I no longer felt the cold, the cold didn't exist next to him, and nestled in his chest I could hear his steady breathing, how hard his heart was beating, even though it was calmed by sleep. I felt in the right place for that moment, even though I knew that certainty would disappear when he left. But he had to leave and join the pack in battle.
Edward, my future, my eternity, my love... I had to face him because I didn't even think about hiding the truth. Jacob wouldn't hide his thoughts, and in this situation I doubt he would even try. I considered the possibility that Edward would leave once he knew the truth. Or he'll want to kill Jacob. No matter how I looked at it, I still couldn't explain what had actually happened. How can I explain my passion last night? Attempts to get Jacob out of my head were doomed to failure, in fact since yesterday I had only been thinking about him and my huge, overwhelming sense of guilt. How could I do this to Edward, how could I deny what I believed and wanted Jacob to believe. Several hours ago I was a vampire's fiancée, now I was a werewolf's lover. These two roles should always be mutually exclusive, but in this particular case they were literally unimaginable.
Jacob loved me like a madman, although at his age you can be crazy many times, each time for a different person. He would give his life for me. I couldn't imagine my life without him either. Until yesterday, my imagination showed me images in which my greatest friend was with me, although not with me. I believed that one day someone would replace me, and then our relationship would remain clear and painless for each of us. I wanted to gently reach out to his heart, make him come to terms with the idea that Edward is the meaning of my existence and perhaps (although this is quite a bold idea) Edward and Jacob will start tolerating each other as soon as Jacob's attitude towards me becomes neutral. … But today is another day, another reality, and life, fate, ourselves, have written another chapter. We were united by our shared knowledge of pleasure as we gave ourselves completely to each other. In my head I could still hear the sweet purrs, moans and sighs that we had shared just a few dozen minutes ago.
There was a need to choose…
While I was indulging in these masochistic attempts to sort out my feelings, sitting fully dressed, wrapping my arms around my knees as if in a gesture of withdrawal, Jake moved slightly, and a moment later he opened his eyes. He looked like someone who didn't really know where he was, and when our eyes met, he smiled.
For perhaps the first time since he realized during our conversation at La Push that I was about to undergo a transformation, I saw my sunshine in him again. He didn't say a word, he didn't even move, his eyes ran over my face, he looked for a moment at my mouth, neck, breasts, as if trying to recreate yesterday's sight. I blushed.
"Bella, I..." he began, trying to take my hand in his, to which I reacted completely reflexively, moving back slightly, and he fell silent, as if he had changed his mind about what he wanted to say.
"I have to go," I heard.
"Something happened?" I asked. His words were so inconsistent with my expectations.
"The battle is over, Edward is coming back for you, I think it's time to wake up," he said, looking into my eyes with a questioning look. I was silent, and without hearing a word from me, he got up, got dressed and left without turning around.
He felt rejected. But how on earth could I stop him? I know what he wanted to hear, but it wouldn't be sincere from me. I hadn't chosen yet and I really didn't want to have to choose. I would rather let life choose for me.
I had known heaven when Edward confessed his love to me, I had known hell when he left to protect me, and now I was in purgatory torn apart by dying dreams and newborn doubts. I was afraid that this torture would last forever. Literally. For a moment I saw myself at Edward's side, a vampire like him, still unable to get Jacob out of my heart. After the end of the world. I felt it under my skin, it grew there, took root in my soul, becoming an integral part of it, as if it had never belonged only to me. For me it was a reflex, completely unconditional, like the breathing of a person in deep sleep. Everything had to change, and I had to confront the needs of my heart, soul and body. I only knew how to hurt, not sparing even myself suffering.
I sat in the tent for a while before Alice called. In a cool tone, she informed me that the battle was over and it was safe for me to return. She probably saw details of my night in her visions. The pack probably already knew all the details. I couldn't imagine looking anyone in the eye now. And meeting Edward was only a matter of time…
I got home, luckily Charlie wasn't there. I wonder how I would cope with pretending to my own father that "Alice's girls' night was a success." His daughter made love all night long with Jacob, who was not only his friend's son, but now a man. My father could have put it under one of the paragraphs... this thought, although the whole situation was not a happy one, put a smile on my face.
The first thing I did was take a long bath. I wanted to wash the smell off me that night. Then I spent the whole day trying to cook and clean, anything to stop thinking about Jake (he didn't call, he didn't come, I don't know what he was doing or where he was) and about Edward's upcoming visit.
Evening came.
I could see Edward's car through the window, and with my heart beating, I watched him get out and walk to the door. He knocked and I opened the door.
"Bella…" he whispered, kissing me.
"Edward...I…"
"I know everything," he interrupted me calmly.
Tears started to well up in my eyes and I felt like I was going to burst into tears. Nothing I could have said or done in that situation excused me. I was pathetic.
Edward came inside and we went to my room to talk. We sat down in silence, he took my hand, opened it, began to caress the inside of it with his fingertips and began to speak.
"Bella, we are all responsible for what happened. It was stupid of me to leave you alone with that mutt. Especially since I knew he would fight because he never hid it from me. I hate him and I only let him live because I don't want to know that you are mine because there is no choice anymore. That HE does not exist anymore. I know you feel bad about what happened, but look at it from a broad perspective, from the perspective of eternity. I have denied you a human experience in this matter, condemning you to explore only one option with me. Vampires derive physical satisfaction a bit differently than humans, and it's a bit harder for them to learn to satisfy their desires, especially since physicality is by no means the only one. Jacob took advantage of it, which maybe wasn't even that hard considering the circumstances and the fact that you had been indifferent to him for a long time."
He looked into my eyes and fell silent for a moment.
God… I wanted to die. His calm tone and tender touch literally quartered my heart. In another world, in a world without magic, I would now hear a scream, a door slamming, and in a moment I would be left alone, with a torn heart. Edward was getting closer to me with every action and word, showing love in an almost unreal way.
"Bella..." he said after a while. "I haven't stopped loving you, and don't treat it as a kind of punishment... but..." My heart pounded in my chest, I could already feel what I was about to hear. "I'll leave for a while."
"NO!" I screamed.
"Bella, understand, you MUST know what your future is supposed to be while you can influence it. If a change awaits you, all eternity will be ahead of us, but if... It's better that you don't watch him die of old age, and eternity will be one great lack of him. It's enough that I have to experience it."
Tears were flowing down my cheeks, I couldn't control my sobbing. Right now I would give my life to turn the clock back thirty hours.
"Love, by being with you, I will ALWAYS influence your decisions. But I can't do that because it's not a decision about school or career, it's a decision to make you happy or torment you for eternity. Please,understand this."
"Edward, you are my life, my love, my meaning, please don't leave me…"
-Bella, I'm not leaving you. Don't take it as a departure, I'm still waiting for you, I've been waiting for a hundred years. A year or two makes no difference to me."
I sat curled up and numb with pain. I caused this pain to myself with my actions. At that moment, I personally wanted to kill Jacob. I quickly decided that I would avoid contact with him at all costs, and then Edward would come back sooner. Oh how naive I was to think it was that simple…
I don't know how long I lay in bed after Edward left. I already knew how this mechanism worked, how much effort I had to put in to pull myself together again.
This time, however, I didn't feel hurt, rather I felt abandoned, and I should actually be glad that Edward didn't write me off after all. He said he would come back, that I needed time, I needed to be SURE that he was my destiny.
When Charlie came home, I didn't even go downstairs, I just told him to warm up his dinner because I had a lot of studying. I sank into sadness, re-examining recent events, my own stupidity, Jake's cunning, and Edward's kindness. It could go on and on…
Normality? Something new!
Unlike before, I decided to follow Edward's advice and try to live a normal life, at least to know what I would lose when I changed. It seems to me that all the magic left Forks with the Cullens' departure (Alice, still angry with me, called to say that they were all going together, since it was already time for me to relocate and start another school again since they didn't change physically, they had to move to another state every few years). Strangely enough, with the vampires gone, the wolves stopped howling in the forest and the local hunters breathed a sigh of relief. I tried not to think about what was happening in the reservation.
My father, however, did not allow me to do this, gradually bringing home news about Billy and his family. Only he didn't talk much about Jacob, maybe he sensed that our contacts had cooled down again. Good thing he didn't know what temperature they reached on that fateful night.
My anger has already passed, as if I had come to terms with what had happened. Maybe it just had to be like that, maybe before the transformation I should have gone through a real school of life, along with the dilemmas that puberty brings.
I thought about Edward every day, I was even in e-mail contact with him, unfortunately sporadic, because as he himself claimed, he did not want to interfere in any way with my learning about adulthood. I was a little bothered by Jacob's silence, but on the other hand I understood that he, like me, didn't know what to say. A month has passed since that fateful night and we haven't exchanged a single word, and what's even more strange, we haven't met even once, even by accident. Sometimes I wondered if he hadn't left too. Well, I also thought of something completely different, namely that he might be…disappointed with me. He had the right, after all, I wasn't anything special, and I kept rejecting him throughout our strange friendship.
Yes, he probably decided it wasn't worth it…
Oh, these conclusions were bitter for me.
However, I had to accept them with humility, because I had done all this with my behavior. I tried not to remember the last time I saw Jacob, why didn't I stop him? He must have felt like a toy in my hands, knowing that if he didn't reach my heart that night, he wouldn't be able to do it any other way. I was tired of thinking about it, especially since there was no way I could fix anything.
I had plans to go out with my friends from school that evening. The end of the year was approaching and Angela talked us into going to a party together in Port Angeles. I didn't feel well when it came to night-time entertainment, in fact I had never felt the atmosphere of such places, but Angie was stubborn and decided to force me to have fun. I put on jeans, a black top (in my repertoire it was the height of refined elegance), I put on mascara, I let my damp hair fall into waves and I was ready.
We all went in two cars, we were going to one of the clubs where, as Angie promised, we didn't NEED to dance, because there were plenty of places to sit and chat over a beer. Okay, I could agree to that. We went inside and the first person I saw was Jacob.
Besides, it was hard not to see him, he was taller than most of the guests, and his figure also stood out significantly. My knees buckled under me, I had an instinctive desire to run away and I probably would have succeeded if it weren't for the rest of the pack following me and being automatically pushed further.
"Bells, go to the bar and don't clog the aisle," Mike cheerfully called, and at the sound of my name, Jacob turned towards us before I could hide…
