Author's note: I'm trying to loosen up my writing muscles, after a long hiatus caused by a combination of my own poor health and a considerable amount of family drama and stress. So here's a little warm-up snippet.
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A Productive Confinement
(or Mr. Spock Answers Some Questions)
by Weird Little Stories
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Captain Kirk looked around their prison cell. "Well," he said, "I have to say that this is at least cleaner than the cells we've been thrown into in the past."
Spock sat on one of the chairs provided and looked mildly surprised. "It is also more comfortable."
Their phasers and communicators had been confiscated, but Spock had been allowed to retain his tricorder. He scanned their surroundings, then turned it off. "The water and comestibles that have been provided are fresh and contain no pharmaceuticals or other noxious ingredients; we can consume them freely."
Kirk smiled, helped himself to a glass of water, and sat in the chair across from Spock. "Is there a transport inhibitor around the cell or the building?"
"There is not." Spock raised a brow. "It is almost as if they wish us to escape."
Kirk looked around the cell, then back at Spock. "Do you suppose it's a test of some sort?"
Spock shook his head. "Unknown. But if it IS a test, we do not know if the success condition is to escape or to remain."
Kirk smiled. "Well, Scotty will beam us up an hour from now when we miss our check-in. We might as well get comfortable until then." He took another sip of his water and looked at Spock. "I'm sorry I can't keep the chess positions of the entire board in my head the way you can, so we can't play a game. But maybe you'd be willing to satisfy some idle human curiosity?"
Spock's eyes lightened in the way that meant he was amused. "Perhaps not for all humans, but I will for you, Jim. What did you wish to know?"
"Well, this might sound silly, but I've always wondered why your lips are pink, given that your blood is green."
Spock gave Kirk his patented "you silly humans" look. "Captain, your own lips are pink because the skin of your lips is very thin, enough so that it is translucent, which means that your red blood shows through that very thin skin. But Vulcan's sun is considerably hotter than your own, and Vulcans cannot afford to have extremely thin skin anywhere on our bodies. Our lips are pink because they contain an opaque pigment, which preferentially reflects the hottest rays of Vulcan's sun, which happen to be red."
Kirk smiled. "So you're telling me that Vulcans have logical lips?"
Spock tilted his head to one side. "Evolution is always logical, even though it is not always convenient. I can take no credit for the skin of my lips, any more than you can take credit for the products of your own evolution."
Kirk chucked. "Yes, of course. I can tease you about other things, but you take your science very seriously." His eyes roved over the slender form seated across from him. "Another question. Since you're the only person on the Enterprise who isn't entirely human, the ship is kept at a temperature that's comfortable for the humans on our crew. I've never seen you shivering, though. Is your undershirt heated or something?"
Spock lifted the bottom of his uniform tunic a few centimeters to display his undershirt. "It is true that I've selected my undershirt for its thermal properties, but it is a standard-issue Starfleet thermal shirt. It is an excellent insulator, but even it is not enough to keep me warm."
Kirk spread his hands. "Then what do you do to keep warm enough?"
"You are aware that Vulcans have conscious control over functions that are autonomic in humans. I simply speed my metabolism so that it will produce additional heat."
Kirk smiled. "That's why you're so skinny!"
Spock inclined his head. "It is." He regarded his captain with a teasing air. "It is a great pity that you are not capable of likewise speeding your metabolism, for it might restrain Dr. McCoy's attempts to curtail your consumption of your favorite foods."
Kirk chuckled. "That would be handy, yeah." He looked at Spock, then began fidgeting with his glass of water. "There something I think almost everyone on the ship wants to know, but I think it's probably too personal."
Spock raised a brow. "I do not propose to tell everyone on the ship whatever it is that you all wish to know, but the chances are excellent that I will tell you."
Kirk squirmed in his chair, looking slightly nervous. "I don't know if you're aware of this, but absolutely everyone is madly curious about what your genitals look like and whether they're more Vulcan or more human."
Spock huffed in annoyance. "Although the crew is aware that Vulcan hearing is far more sensitive than human hearing, they apparently never remember this fact when speaking about me in my vicinity. Yes, Jim, I am aware of the rampant speculation about my genitals. I have heard a wide range of possibilities suggested, many of them highly improbable."
He looked at Kirk and shook his head. "But I was expecting greater scientific literacy, from you at least. You are aware that females have two X chromosomes and males have an X and a Y. Since the genes for male genitals are carried on the Y chromosome, and since my mother had no Y chromosome to give me, in this one area, I am fully Vulcan."
Kirk chuckled. "Of course you are. I don't know how all of us overlooked that."
Spock crossed his arms in front of his chest. "In my experience, humans lose a great deal of what logic they might otherwise possess when sexual topics are raised."
Kirk held up a hand as if swearing an oath. "Guilty as charged, I'm afraid." He smiled at Spock and leaned forward in his chair. "But surely now you'll tell me what Vulcan genitals look like?"
"That is something that you can only discover if you find a Vulcan male who is willing to have sex with you."
Kirk grinned, sure of his ground now. "Mr. Spock, do you think there might be such a Vulcan male in my vicinity?"
Spock inclined his head, teasing Kirk by looking grave and severe. "There is." He lost his severe look and let the twinkle appear in his eyes. "There most definitely is."
And Scotty was surprised at how very, VERY glad his superior officers looked when he beamed them back aboard.
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Author's notes
1. I have a chronic illness that leaves me non-functional most of the time, which means that I am not always able to reply to comments. I do read them all with great attention, though, and I do cherish every single one of them, even when my health doesn't permit me to reply. I apologize for being so limited in what I can do.
2. I don't own Star Trek, and I make no money from the stories I write; everything here is just fans playing in the sandbox. Actually, it would probably be more accurate to say that Star Trek owns ME. :-)
3. Thanks for reading! If you liked anything about this story, I'd love to hear what you enjoyed.
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