So many nights just take me down
To the place we can hear them play,
I miss that sound
'Cause now we don't sing so loud
-Brother, Gerard Way
I was only six years old when my powers manifested.
Most people's powers arose around puberty - the heightened stress, changes in hormones were all triggers for the change. But I, despite always doing my hardest to blend in, just had to be different. I was at the zoo of all places, with my mother and twin brother on one of the rare occasions that we had money to go on a vacation. We lived in a small mountain town in Alberta, Canada, and this was one of the few times I had left the mountains.
It wasn't much of a trip - just a six hour drive to a once great city that had since turned into a concrete forest of criminals and poverty. Of course I hadn't known that at the time; I thought the meth addict throwing a bottle at my mother was just 'acting silly.' Either way, I was just excited to tell all my friends about my 'summer vacation.' The one saving grace the city offered was a zoo, with all types of animals that I had seen on TV. I had spent the entire day tugging my mom around and squealing at the animals. My brother, Hugh, nearly had a fit when our mom dragged him away from the leopard exhibit.
"Let's go see the wolves, Mom," I yelped and pointed to a small forested area, surrounded by a chain-link fence.
"Okay honey, but don't throw things this time. You nearly got us kicked out last time," my mother said easily and we both sheepishly ducked our heads. She had this playful, teasing look in her eyes that we rarely saw after that day; like the wolves had ripped away any ease about our mother. I didn't really understand at the time how easily normalcy could be taken away from you.
"Yes, Mom," we said in unison and she chuckled. She smoothed back my brown hair and tweaked the polka-dot bow that held it up in a loose ponytail.
I raced past my mom to the enclosure, gripping the chain link fence with my chubby fingers. The fence wasn't very tall, only coming up to my mother's shoulders. I clambered up the fence, not making it very far until my mom grabbed my waist and hoisted me up so I could see over the top. My mom stepped back to help Hugh up, as I gripped onto the chain links and stared into the forested enclosure.
It took me a second to spot the wolves but when I did, I was in awe. One by one, they started appearing out of the forest. There were six of them in total and all were gorgeous with silky fur and muscles that rippled under their skin with every step they took. They glanced at me with nonchalance, as if they were used to people watching them at all hours.
"What are their names?" Hugh asked. He had asked that at every exhibit and by now, my mom always had her brochure ready to list off their names.
She flipped the brochure to the 'wolf' page. There were six pictures of the pack on the page that didn't do the wolves any justice. Each wolf had their own little blurb that explained their history and rank in the pack. "The white one is the Alpha and her name is Luna." I didn't know what an 'Alpha' was but I thought it sounded cool. My mom read on about Luna, telling me about how she was the pack leader to the other five.
Out of the six wolves, four of them were gray, Luna was white and another was black. Most people would immediately look at the white wolf with the shimmering fur and bright blue eyes but I couldn't take my eyes off the black one. He was one of the biggest, with sleek bluish-black fur and vibrant golden eyes. His eyes met mine and I was instantly captivated, in the way only a six year old can be with a wolf. I leaned in closer over the edge of the fence to get a better look. His lips curled up in a snarl, revealing a row of brilliantly white teeth and pink gums. "What's the black one's name, Mom?" I asked.
"Apex," my mom read absentmindedly. She glanced up to see that I was leaning a little too far over the fence, "Violet, don't lean so much, you'll fall over."
But I couldn't take my sight off of Apex. I could see every little detail in his eyes as he stalked closer to me. There was even a sliver of green in his left eye that made the gold all the more brilliant. He was slowly getting closer, and if only the fence weren't so tall so I could reach over and touch him. I was too young to know the danger, too naive to realize the run-down zoo didn't have anything other than the tall fence to protect me from six massive wolves tearing into my flesh. I hadn't yet learned what death truly meant.
So I reached.
My mother let out a blood curdling shriek as I toppled into the enclosure, landing on my knees and yelping in pain. I could hear the snarling of the wolves, barely over the sounds of my mother's screams. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that nothing could hurt me if I did not watch. I could hear the scrabble of paws against rocks as the wolf lunged at me.
But a bite never came. Apex stopped dead in front of me, staring at me with a new sense of confusion and fear. He ducked his head, backing up with his tail between his legs. I could feel the fear coming off him in waves, and it wasn't until I glanced down that I understood why. Long black claws replaced my fingernails, and thick tufts of black fur covered my arms. My heart rate quickened as I looked back at my mother for answers, but all she could do was stare at me in horror as she held Hugh close to her body. His eyes were wide in amazement, shock, and fear.
It was like all my senses went into overdrive. I could hear my mother's heartbeat pounding in her chest, and the crunching of leaves as the wolves backed away. I could smell everything; my mom's perfume, the melted butter in Hugh's bag of popcorn, and even the musky scent of rain on the pine trees. It was all too much, and I could feel myself begin to panic. I tried to stand, but it felt wrong to be on my feet.
But the biggest change was the feeling of power. It was nothing a child had ever felt before; it was the primal instinct of hunting and killing. It was like the same gold used to make Apex's eyes was now racing through my blood, making everything from my toes to the tips of my fingers tingle. I was invincible.
"Oh my God," my mother whispered. "No, no, no. Not her."
I turned back to the wolf to see he was starting to back away from me. He took a few fearful steps back before turning and bolting towards Luna and the rest of his pack. Their shoulders were raised and ears tilted down, all baring their teeth at me. They were scared of me, and it only made the powerful feeling in my blood grow stronger. If I was powerful enough to terrify a pack of wolves, what else was I capable of?
I felt someone's hand clasp around my arm and lift me up and out of the enclosure. It was my mother. The second she touched me, my claws shrunk, my hair faded to brown, and my sharp senses dulled. I giggled as I glanced up at her, but the smile dissolved when she set me roughly on the ground. Her hands were gripping my arms tightly, with her fingernails digging so far into my skin that they left little crescent indents. I wanted to cry out, but all I could do was stare into her terrified green eyes. "Listen to me, Violet. You can never ever tell anyone of this. If anyone asks, you fell into the enclosure and I pulled you out before the wolf attacked you. Do you understand me?"
"But Mom-"
"No Violet! If anyone finds out about this, they will never accept you. You will be an outcast wherever you go and people will treat you like you are nothing. That is why you can never tell a soul about this. Now, do you understand me?"
I slowly nodded as my mom turned to Hugh. Without even having to say anything, he furiously nodded. We didn't know what we were agreeing to, we only knew it was important. Whatever it was, I knew to never speak of that moment again. Our mom had never looked that scared, and it made us terrified without understanding what had even happened. "Now come on, my darlings, we need to leave."
"But-"
"We're leaving, Violet!" she snapped and I stepped back. My lip quivered and tears threatened to spill down my face. "And we are never coming to this place again."
Soon after the trip to the zoo, people showed up at my door.
I caught a glimpse of them - a man in a wheelchair and a woman with white hair - before my mom shooed Hugh and I to our bedroom. Of course, we were curious little kids. We hid behind the corner, fighting off devious giggles as we listened to our mom speak with the strangers. We couldn't hear most of it, only the gentle voice of the man talking to my mother. I made out the words 'mutant' and 'school.'
"I'm not giving you my daughter," my mom hissed and Hugh's head snapped back, staring at me with wide eyes. I felt my heart sink in my chest; were these people going to take me away?
"They're talking about you!" he whispered excitedly.
"Miss. Hopkins, Violet is a danger to herself and those around her. Her powers are developing at a dangerous rate and without help, she won't be able to control it," the woman said calmly. I shared a look with Hugh as we listened. Why were these people talking about me like that? I was too young to make the connection that whatever had happened at the zoo was what brought them here. All I could do was try to think of any time I had ever been a danger.
"I can help her! She won't hurt anyone; Violet would never do that," my mom huffed defiantly. "My little girl is not a monster."
"No, but she is a mu-"
She cut the man off. "Don't you dare say that word, Professor. She will never be one of them!"
There was a long silence as we strained to hear what they were saying. Just when I thought the conversation was over, I could hear my mom say, "How did you – oh."
I shot a confused glance at Hugh but he just shrugged in response.
"Miss. Hopkins, I know this is difficult for you but we're here to protect you and your family. We can train Violet and help her reach her full potential but we can't do that if she doesn't come back to New York. Her abilities manifested so early, usually we don't see the first display of power until at least eleven or twelve years old. If she doesn't receive the proper care, we're worried that she may lose herself to her powers."
'New York?' That was far away. My mom had said it wasn't anywhere near the Rocky Mountains and I didn't want to leave Hugh or her to go to a place like New York. I was already making a mental checklist of things to pack up when they stole me away from my family.
"You're seriously asking me to take my daughter away from her only family and send her off to live with a group of strangers in another country? Violet never asked for this and I refuse to ship her off to be fixed. She doesn't deserve that," my mother replied. Her voice was stern but I could hear the quiver of fear under each word.
"She deserves to control her gift," Professor answered calmly.
'I get a gift?' I thought excitedly. All thoughts of the people kidnapping me vanished at the thought of getting a present. I jumped out of my hiding place and raced into the living room before Hugh could stop me. My mom and the pretty lady looked surprised to see me but the Professor merely smiled when I raced in, as if he knew I was hiding behind the corner the entire time. "I get a gift?"
"You already have a gift, my dear," Professor said and I made a face. 'Not since Christmas!'
As if he had read my thoughts, the man chuckled and shook his head. "This gift makes you far more unique than anything you'd ever get at Christmas."
There was a new urgency in my mother's voice as she came over to pull me back. She stepped to the side, allowing for him and the strange woman access to the front door. "Professor, I want you to leave." She had said calmly but I could hear the anger growing in her voice. She stood up and pointed to the door. "Now."
"But what about my-"
"You're not getting a gift, Violet!" my mom snapped and I took a step back, my eyes filling with tears. Her face softened almost immediately and the next time she spoke, her voice was calmer. "Violet, you misunderstood what we were talking about. Please just... go to your room and let the grown-ups talk."
I silently nodded and trudged to my room. Hugh was still in the same place around the corner where I left him but I didn't want to listen in anymore. I wasn't getting anything out of it and I didn't want to make my mom any angrier than she already was. She seemed to be so much more stressed over these past few weeks, but I wasn't sure what I had done wrong. A few minutes later, Hugh walked into our room and sat on his bed.
"Mom just kicked them out! They were trying to steal you away to go to some boarding school because you're special," Hugh explained. I didn't say anything. "Vi?"
"Just leave me alone!" I yelled and pulled the covers over my head. My mom's angry voice was still fresh in my mind and the way they were talking about me made me feel like I was in trouble. Like I had done something wrong and needed a punishment. Not only punishment... it was so bad that they wanted to take me away, like I was some sort of criminal.
Whatever I had done to be different, I wanted it erased.
The second incident came two years later when I was eight. My family had slowly gone back to normal after the man and woman had left. I could still sometimes catch my mother's glimpses out of the corner of my eye. It was like she was waiting for me to break down and have another moment like the one we no longer spoke of. One time Hugh had brought it up in front of one of his friends and my mom had spanked him so hard that he hid in the bathroom and sobbed for an hour.
I had started school and like every elementary school, we had mandatory gym class. We usually just played games instead of doing any actual work but I always loved the class. I loved running across the gym and playing with my friends.
But one day, I didn't like it so much. My mom had yelled at me that morning and Hugh and his friends were being rude. I got along with them well enough, but whenever they were in the mood to play rough, I was always the target and they always took it too far. One of his friends, Clyde, was being especially cruel and kept on throwing dodgeballs at me, always a little harder than necessary. I always managed to jump out of the way before they hit me though.
Until he grabbed the basketballs, that is. The normal dodgeballs were just soft, colorful foam balls that couldn't even leave a red mark if they hit you. Basketballs were a different story. And having them thrown at your face was enough to make any eight year old start crying. When the ball hit my temple, I fell to the floor with tears filling up my eyes. Clyde and his friends laughed, which caused the other students to join in.
The humiliation and pain would make any other student run out of the room, but I just sat there as I let anger blossom in my chest. Our teacher, Mrs. Settler, wasn't even looking at us and was instead flirting with the cute janitor. She was always a shitty teacher, and later on I would blame her for a lot of my issues that she could have prevented if she cared a little more about her students.
Blood dripped from my nose and onto my hand, making a tiny pool of crimson in the palm of my hand. I stared at the blood for a second and then I looked up at my attacker. They were still laughing at me but Hugh was the only one who remained silent. His hands were stuffed in his pocket and he was turned away so that his friends couldn't see that he wasn't laughing with them. My eyes focused on Clyde as he mocked me, pretending to cry.
I was filled with the knowledge that I had to put Clyde in his place; that I was the stronger one and he needed to know it. I was angry, yes, but as my hands curled into little fists, all I could think of was teaching him a lesson. My lips peeled up into a snarl and a familiar feeling filled my chest. My messy brown hair didn't turn black this time but I could feel my eyes burning and the smell of sweat and joy filled my nose.
And finally, the feeling of power returned.
Not even bothering to stand up, I launched myself at Clyde, knocking him over and making us both roll a few times. I pinned him under my body and stared down at his terrified brown eyes as tears sprouted from them. He couldn't comprehend what was going on yet, but he could recognize the animalistic snarl on my face. He let out a terrified scream and I grabbed his chubby hand and lifted it to my mouth.
I clamped my teeth down on his hand and blood filled my mouth. Clyde's scream grew louder until I was finally ripped away by Mrs. Settler who had a horrified look in her eyes. Clyde was still writhing around on the ground as Mrs. Settler held me back. The front of his dirty white shirt had streaks of red across it. "Violet, what did you do?"
It was like someone had flicked off a switch in my brain. The feeling of power vanished and was replaced by guilt and horror. I was never an aggressive kid, so why had I done that? "He threw a basketball at my face," I whimpered. I knew it didn't explain anything; even I couldn't understand why I had acted like that.
"That is no excuse!" Mrs. Settler screamed and pulled me to my feet. "Look at what you did!"
I looked over to see Clyde was screaming in fear and agony. His hand was covered in blood and I could see deep gouges in his skin. The janitor, Jacob, was wrapping Clyde's hand in a cloth and rushing him out of the gym, both of their faces pale. Kids get hurt in gym class all the time, but this was different. It wasn't just a scraped knee or a twisted ankle. Jacob was muttering about Clyde needing stitches.
"I'm calling your mother," Mrs. Settler decided and started dragging me out of the gym. I could see the eyes of my peers trailing after me as they whispered amongst themselves. Even at eight years old, I knew 'psycho' was a nickname that would be hard to shake. "What possessed you to do that?"
"It was just instinct," I cried. The word sounded right and rolled off my tongue like water out of a glass. It wasn't me who hurt Clyde, it was instinct.
"You're not a dog, Violet! Your instincts aren't to bite other children," Mrs. Settler snapped. She pulled me into the principal's office and sat me down on one of the plastic chairs. I had never been sent to the principal before, but Hugh had been for his dumb little pranks. Waiting in the plastic chairs was the worst part; I was drowning in dread as I replayed the moment over and over again in my head. Still, I could never see at what point I thought it was a good idea to attack Clyde. I just did it. It was like my body had taken over and my mind shut down.
After 15 minutes of waiting, I had to explain to the principal, Mr. Holmes, what had happened in gym class. I left out the part about my senses going into overdrive and the joy I felt when I tasted blood for the first time. The simplified version was still enough for him to think I was unhinged. When I was done, Mr. Holmes looked angry and unforgiving. To him, I was just another bully picking on other kids. He did not see the confused little girl who just needed guidance.
"I already called your mother and you will spend the rest of the week at home so you can learn to control your anger," Mr. Holmes said and I felt my gut drop. If my mother already knew then I was dead for sure. As if on cue, the door opened and my mom entered.
Her green eyes held fear in them and her brown hair was messy, an apron still hanging from her body as if she was too rushed to bother to take it off. Despite this, she still managed to look calm and keep her voice steady when she spoke to Mr. Holmes and Mrs. Settler. She wouldn't look at me, and I was terrified for the moment that she would. I still remembered the man and woman who had visited us; maybe this time I had messed up enough for my mom to let them take me. When I was finally allowed to leave, my mother's eyes hardened as she glanced over at me. "Don't worry, this will never happen again."
If I was a little older, my first thought would have been, 'oh, fuck.' By then, I was about as scared of her as Clyde was of me. She dragged me out of the room and into her car. Only once we were safely in the confines of the ratty old car, did she finally turn around. Only, there wasn't a trace of anger on her face. Whatever she had said to Mr. Holmes had been nothing more than an act to make it seem like I was in trouble.
"Oh honey," she breathed, reaching out her hand and squeezing my fingers. She looked like she wanted to say something more but her eyes filled with tears. She ran her hands over her face, trying to hide the tears spilling from her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Mommy," I whispered as I listened to her sniffling. "I didn't mean to."
"I know you didn't, darling but next time... just breathe. Remember what I said at the... remember the first time. Nobody can know about this. If you ever feel it start to happen again, just count to ten and take deep breaths," my mom said, wiping her eyes. "You're my baby and I would never let anything happen to you. Never."
Never.
If she made a promise to never let anything harm me then I had to at least try to not let this beast come out again in public. I had to control it.
Ironically, in the years that followed, I found myself trying to bring the beast out more and more. I figured that if I learned how to bring it out, then I could learn how to stop it. So I spent hours in front of the mirror, doing everything I could to try and make that beast come. I tried to remember how I felt during my previous 'episodes,' but I found it hard to remember. It was hard to recreate the feeling of falling into a wolf exhibit. I knew that I must have been scared, but it was more than that; I was also excited and in awe.
It was a lot easier to recreate the feelings of my attack on Clyde. I knew what anger was like, and it was pretty natural to feel it every so often growing up. Sometimes I would try to force it, even though now I realize how messed up that is. But I would have done anything to learn how to control whatever it was that was happening to me.
I didn't want to cause anyone else anymore pain. Especially not my mom.
But it never worked. I might get a flash of gold in my green eyes or the roots of my hair would darken but never anything like I felt during the incidents. The power wasn't there and that's what I thrived for… and feared.
But once, when I was twelve and boys had started to become more irritating than usual, I came home in a huff and stormed to the washroom. Not to practice my power but to just release my anger on something – anything. My shared room with Hugh wasn't private enough and he and his stupid friends were the reason for my anger.
I slammed the door shut and started pacing back and forth. One of his friends, Gunner, had pulled my skirt down in the middle of class, making everyone laugh at me and humiliating me in front of my friends. The worst part was that Gunner was my long-time crush and having him to be the one to humiliate me only added to my shame. It was one of those moments that you had to laugh off, even though it really wasn't funny. I went to the bathroom stall and cried into my sweatshirt for fifteen minutes before going back to class like nothing happened.
That alone wouldn't have made me so angry but for the rest of the day, people teased me about it and started calling me names. I could have handled that and counting to ten like my mom said did help enough for me to control it for the rest of the day. The part that made my blood boil was when I was riding home in an empty seat because Hugh was too embarrassed to sit with me. I wouldn't have minded until I felt someone pelt something in the back of my head.
I tried pulling it off but it was stuck to my hair; it was a piece of chewed bubble gum. The kids erupted in fits of giggles and Hugh sat proud for his spitting skills. "Hugh!" I yelled, standing up. He knew what I could do and his green eyes widened but that didn't stop him from opening his big mouth. He had a look of fear in his eyes that he tried to mask with laughter.
"Sit back down…freak." That one stung. It was what my mother had worked for all these years to stop and my own brother was the one to use it against me. The laughter only grew until it was all I could hear.
And then the chanting began. Clyde yelled it next and then Gunner. Then the girl who sits across from me in Math and then Hugh repeated it. They all started yelling, "Freak! Freak! Freak!"
'One… Two… Three…' I took in deep breaths and exhaled, squeezing my eyes shut. 'Four… Five…'
"Violet!" I was snapped out of my trance as the chanting stopped. One of the big kids, a pretty blonde girl called Lisa, had walked up to where the seventh graders were sitting and held out her hand. "Hey, come sit with us."
Normally I would be honored to sit with a ninth grader but that day, all I felt was anger. I just sat next to her, my jaw clenched and my arms crossed as I tried to hold in my tears. The ninth graders tried to help, asking me questions to take my mind off of the bullying, but I refused to talk to them. Eventually, Lisa got off the bus with her brother, Gunner, and I was sitting alone at the back of the bus. Glaring at the back of Hugh's head only filled me with more anger and by the time we had reached my bus stop, I had counted to three hundred. It wasn't working. I couldn't stop the rage building up in my gut.
I didn't say anything to Hugh as I stormed into our house, ignored my mother's questions, and stomped into the washroom where I started to pace. After a minute or two of walking back and forth, I couldn't take it anymore and I turned to the mirror, letting my fist fly into it and shattering it. Despite it already being broken, I hit it again and again. I wanted to hurt the person who had caused this, but I couldn't. Because that person was Hugh.
"Violet, what was that?" Mom called, banging on the door. I snarled and stared into the broken shards of the mirror lying on the countertop. I bared my teeth at the shattered reflection.
Starting from my roots, my brown hair faded to black and my green eyes turned yellow. My teeth grew and sharpened into fangs and my nails into claws. The familiar powerful feeling filled my body but this time it was not good – this time it felt like venom. I was a monster.
With inhuman strength, I grabbed the mirror cabinet and flung it across the room, into the wall where it shattered and fell into the bathtub. Bottles of pills scattered out and the broken wood lay in pieces in the porcelain tub.
"Violet, open this door right now!" my mother ordered. My hands curled around the doorknob and I yanked it open, snapping the lock in half. Mom stumbled back when she got a good look at me and Hugh stood behind her, falling to the ground as he gaped at me in horror. "Oh Violet…"
"This is all your fault!" I snarled at Hugh and lunged at him. His fear was coming off him in waves and I could hear his heart pounding in his chest. He tried scrambling away from me but I was too fast... too strong. I pinned him to the ground, digging my claws into his wrists. Before I could act on my instincts, my mother ripped me off of him.
"Control it, Violet! Don't let it control you! Remember what I said," she said, looking dead into my yellow eyes. "Breathe."
I didn't want to breathe. I wanted to hurt something. I wanted to protect myself. But this was my mother... she always knew what was best for me. I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my jaw. Breathing in and out through my nose, I started to count, 'One... Two… Three…'
The venom slowly started to ebb away and my golden eyes stopped burning. I opened them to see Mom staring back at me with nothing but love in her eyes, despite her shaking hands that were holding my shoulders. Hugh was a different story though; he was full of terror and... jealousy?
"I'm a monster," I whimpered but my mom quickly shook her head.
"You're no such thing. You're a mutant Violet. There are many others like you who have powers too. You're the evolution of humans and it's nothing to be afraid of," my mom whispered and I stared back at her. Hugh looked at us, a deep anger in his eyes that I couldn't understand.
"Others… like me?"
"Not exactly like you but they can do amazing things. But humans are still scared of mutants and that's why you have to learn how to hide it," my mother explained and I nodded. She turned around and looked at my brother who was still on the floor, with a wet mark between his legs. "Hugh, go clean up. We'll talk about this later."
Hugh glared at me and for the first time in my life, I saw hatred staring back at me. We had always had our fights but this wasn't anger or annoyance; this was hate. He pulled himself off the ground and stormed to our room, slamming the door shut.
"Don't worry, Violet, it'll get easier," Mom soothed as she petted my hair. "I promise.
It had gotten worse. Everything had gotten worse.
After that moment in the bathroom, it was like something had switched off in Hugh. He absolutely hated me. Sure, we used to fight growing up, but no more than the average brother and sister did. We used to be so close... the type of twins that were annoying to be around, really. We always knew what the other was thinking, to the point that it was often hard for others to understand our conversations. We kept our secrets to the grave, even at times when it was dangerous. And we were always there for each other.
Until suddenly, we weren't.
From that day forward, it was like I didn't exist to Hugh - no, it was worse than that. It was like I deserved to die. His annoying group of friends were now his family, and now my worst enemies. The 'schoolyard bullying' had intensified ten fold, to the point where it should have been classified as assault. They'd shove me into lockers, paste pages of my diary all around the school, and make fun of every single thing I did. As far as I knew, Hugh never told anyone about my powers but everyone in the school thought I had a temper like Satan. They even had a nickname for me: Violent Violet.
And the worst part was I couldn't ever truly defend myself.
All I could do was count to ten and hope I didn't lose my cool. Sure, sometimes I failed and ended up lashing out (including one time where Clyde ended up with a broken nose) but it was never to the extent that it could have. I had a short fuse - do you blame me? - and was constantly on guard to protect myself. Over the years, it was like I shrunk into myself rather than growing up into the person I was supposed to be. I could always feel my powers inside of me, the beast, pacing in its cage, ready to attack whenever I needed it. Even though I tried my best to keep my powers under control, I could feel the lock on the cage wearing thin.
One day, the lock would break and the beast would be released. And then what?
It used to be my biggest fear, to lose control of my powers and find out what I could really do. But with each passing day, I was starting to forget why I was trying so hard. Who was I protecting? My brother hated me, his friends made my life hell, and every adult that could put an end to it seemed to turn a blind eye.
I've replayed the day that I finally let the beast free, over and over again in my mind. And every time, I try to say 'I lost control,' or 'it wasn't my fault,' but deep down I always know that those statements are lies. Because at the end of the day, I was just tired of trying so hard.
I was done with the teasing and the counting to ten. I was done with my mother's nagging and my teachers tip-toeing around me like I would lose my temper if they so much as said my name wrong. I was just done with it all. So when Clyde called me that word, I finally snapped.
We were in Chemistry, talking about something that went in one ear and out the other. I had never been good at school, but today I wasn't even paying attention. So of course when my teacher, Mr. Robinson, called on me, I didn't know the answer. "Violet, can you tell me what the charge for sulfate is?"
"Uh… negative twelve?" The class exploded in giggles and I ducked my head in embarrassment. I didn't know what was so funny about my answer, but I knew Mr. Robinson had asked me just to prove I wasn't paying attention. A cruel tactic for a girl who was bullied.
"Stupid freak," Clyde yelled and the class laughed harder.
"Quiet down kids," Mr. Robinson hummed half-heartedly but they didn't stop. So finally, for the first time in years, I decided to stand up for myself. Not in the sense of lashing out or striking back, but actually standing up for myself. Because this time, I was not going to back down out of fear of hurting someone. No one else shared the same sentiment, so why should I fight so hard to protect them?
I stood up, pushing my desk away from me as my hands curled into fists. "What did you just call me, coward?" I snarled. I wasn't expecting Clyde to actually say anything back, especially after the incident eight years ago. I always knew that he was still a little scared of me after that. But to my surprise, he pulled himself out of his chair, all while wearing that dumb smirk on his face that screamed, 'I'm better than you.'
Mr. Robinson tried getting in the way, telling us to sit back down, but his voice faded into the background. I could vaguely hear the bell ringing, dismissing class, but nobody moved. They all sat there, dead silent, as they waited to see what would happen between me and Clyde. "I called you a stupid freak," he said evenly. The smirk on his face grew. He thought he was invincible. I wanted to show him that he wasn't.
Everyone expected me to yell at him or to maybe punch him in the face, maybe even remind him where he got those scars on his hand. But no, this time was different. This time, I wanted to show him who he had made an enemy of. So this time, I just smiled, baring a row of razor-sharp teeth. The color drained from Clyde's face as he stumbled back, a slow realization crawling across his face. "Who's the stupid one now?"
My voice was husky and low, a growl behind every word. It would have even sent shivers down my spine if I wasn't loving every moment of it.
The classroom fell silent, all staring at me with the same terrible realization. The girl that they had pushed and pushed for her entire life had finally snapped - and she had super powers.
"You're a m-m-mutant?" Clyde stuttered, staring at me in complete shock. My green eyes flashed to gold and my hair faded to black. I simply laughed at him. Stupid, stupid boy.
It didn't stop there. The feeling of power rushed back through my veins, flowing through my lungs and erupting in my chest. I could feel my body changing under my clothes; black fur sprouted from my skin and my bones shifted under my muscle. I collapsed on all fours as my shirt started to rip as I grew. I stalked towards Clyde, snarling at him as he scrambled to get away. Around us, people screamed and rushed out of the room. I lunged at him, pinning him under my large, dog-like feet and snarling down at him, a string of saliva dripping down onto his face. This time, I wasn't going to stop at the hand.
I was going to stop when he was dead.
He was writhing underneath me, punching me in the ribs as hard as he could to get me off. But I was in a frenzy; all of the years of torment and bullying had been bottled up, waiting for its moment to burst entirely. Clyde was scared, and he deserved to be. He deserved to know that he wasn't the strongest anymore; I was. And I would make sure that he would regret every time he hurt me, as I drained the life from his body.
Just as I was about to clamp my jaws around Clyde's throat, I spotted something in the window; my reflection. I was no longer a small brunette with green eyes and pale skin; I was a wolf. I was sleek bluish-black with brilliant golden eyes. I then looked down at Clyde to see his eyes were shut and he was fearfully waiting for the moment when I would take his life.
He didn't deserve to die. He may have deserved a lot of things, but not to die.
I stepped away from Clyde and sprinted towards the door. It was already open , but I slammed my entire body into it, sending it crashing to the ground. I stumbled out of the room to see everyone staring at me in utter horror. I looked around the crowd and even though I recognized them, their names didn't come to mind. It was like the wolf part of me was taking over completely. That is, until the muscular brown haired boy with green eyes stepped forward.
"Violet?" His voice cracked.
'Hugh.'
I turned and started sprinting down the halls. I needed to get out of there!
"Violet, wait!"
I burst through the doors of the school and looked around wildly. Not knowing where my feet were taking me, I started running. Hordes of people were chasing after me, screaming profanities at me and trying to throw things at me and Hugh led the pack. He wore a face of concern as he shouted after me, trying to get me to stop. I had managed to outrun the crowd, just as I reached a white house with an overgrown lawn and missing shingles. I felt myself starting to change again but the power was still coursing through my blood.
I stood up, so I still had thick fur and a long black muzzle but I had human-like hands and feet. I slammed the front door open, snapping the lock and making it fall on the ground. My mom appeared at the doorway in an instant and horror covered her face. "Oh God, Violet… what happened?"
"This is me, Mom," I snarled. My voice sounded husky and vicious. "Or do you want me to change so people don't find out about your freak of a daughter?"
"You aren't a freak, Violet," my mother said fiercely. "Just breathe."
"I don't want to fucking breathe!" I screamed and my wolf instincts came back in full force. I leapt at my mother, knocking her down and locking my teeth around her neck. There was a crunching sound and blood filled my mouth. Her body went limp.
I pulled away and lifted my head, letting out a proud howl for my kill. Until I heard the sound of someone screaming. I whirled around to see Hugh falling to his knees at the door, surrounded by our classmates. In an instant, the power vanished from my body and I could feel myself turning back into a human. I stood up, jumping away from my mother's dead body in horror of what I'd just done. My clothes were in tatters and my stretched out skirt was barely staying on my thin hips.
The taste of copper filled my mouth as horror washed over my body. I didn't know whether I was more horrified by the fact that I had just slaughtered my mother or that for a second, I actually enjoyed doing it. I wanted to do it again.
"Oh God, what'd I do?" I whispered, backing away. Blood was pooling around my mother's throat and her once lively green eyes were glazed over and her lips were parted in a silent scream. "No, no, no, no. What'd I do, Hugh?"
"Get her!" Someone screamed and suddenly I was very aware of the situation I was in. I had just killed my mother and now everyone wanted to kill me. I darted towards my room, slamming and locking the door just before they reached it. I shoved my dresser in front of it for good measure. The door visibly shook as people rammed their bodies into it, trying to break it down.
I had always dreamed about running away, but this time was far less glamorous than my dreams. I couldn't risk any time packing up clothes or necessities. All I could do was grab my wallet, passport, and emergency piggy bank. Climbing up onto the window sill, I looked over my shoulder at the room Hugh and I shared one last time. My entire life was essentially over in an instant.
The crowd finally managed to break the door down just as I slipped out of the window, landing hard on the ground. I could hear someone yell, 'she's making a run for it,' as I pulled myself to my feet. There was no time to waste over the new bruises on my elbows and knees, or to wash the blood still covering my face. All I could do was run.
I didn't look back, but I could hear the yells of the crowd as they broke out of the house and started after me. Whether it was my powers, the adrenaline, or just my history of cross-country running, I had somehow managed to get ahead of them. They were a few blocks behind me when I turned sharply into the woods, not slowing down as the branches whipped across my face.
After running deep into the forest, I had finally thought that I lost them. I decided to slow to a walk as I decided what to do. Before I could even think about how I could get out of this mess, I heard Hugh's voice, echoing throughout the forest.
"Violet, I know you're out there," he yelled. His voice made my heart stop; it was strained, and I could tell that he had been crying. "I know that you can hear me Vi... And I want you to know that I will never forgive you for this. You took everything from me, and I'm going to make you pay even if it's the last thing I do!"
I started running again, and this time I didn't stop until I knew I was somewhere that Hugh couldn't find me.
