Chapter 15

Jennie

I lean back in my chair, wiping tears from my eyes. A logical part of my brain tells me I need to stop. But for some reason, I lack all self-control and don't click away. Someone knocks on my office door, and I look up, prepared to hide behind my monitor if need be.

But it's just Marissa, and I wave her in.

"Oh my God," she says and comes around to my desk. "Stop watching those clips of dogs greeting their owners after they come home from the military."

"But it's so sweet!"

"You have mascara dripping down your face."

"I didn't wear any today."

She hikes an eyebrow. "Then it's yesterday's leftover mascara."

I grab a tissue from my desk drawer. "That's likely." I wipe my eyes and close the viral video. "Did you come in here just to yell at me?"

"I wish I did." She looks behind her, making sure no one is lingering by my door. "I heard Raul and Mike talking."

"They talk all the time."

"About you," she presses. "Someone started a rumor about you being pregnant and now everyone is curious. Raul wants to throw you a baby shower."

"No showers at work. You know I feel weird when people buy me presents. And why would they think that?"

Marissa widens her eyes. "The weird food. The way you get teary-eyed at pretty much everything now. And yesterday you wore that Valentino cape dress and it totally showed off your bump. Which really just means you should give it to me until you're not pregnant anymore. Or just forever."

"It is a really nice dress. It makes me feel like a fancy, sexy superhero."

"And it's also sold out at Nordstrom."

"Fine. You can borrow it. What weird food? I haven't eaten anything weird."

Marissa looks at the plate on my desk. "Is that a hot dog wrapped in cheese that you're dipping in ranch?"

"Maybe. But that's not weird."

"Oh, no, not at all. In fact, I got one from that food truck down the street, uh, never ago."

"All right. It's weird. But I'm finally starting to get my appetite back." I subconsciously wrap my fingers around my left wrist, making a face.

"Yes! Another thing to yell at you about."

"Huh?"

Marissa points to my wrist. "I was in your office when you were on the phone with Lisa yesterday, remember? She told you to stop taking the brace off."

"Oh, right. It's hard to type with it on and it's just so annoying."

Marissa laughs. "I'm sure it is." She sits in the chair across from my desk. "She's coming into town tomorrow?"

"Yeah. She's off Thursday through Saturday."

"How are you holding up with this long-distance thing?"

I pick up my hotdog and dip it in ranch. Okay, maybe I am getting a few weird pregnancy cravings. "It's not fun, but I guess it's okay. I mean, I did want to take things slow."

"You're such a terrible liar, Jennie. Even to yourself."

"I'm not lying."

"Bullshit. You want to take things slow? Really?"

I let out a breath. "We should take things slow. I don't want her to be with me just because I'm having her baby. We weren't dating when I got pregnant."

"But you're dating now, and even you have to admit Lisa has gone above and beyond for you."

"Yeah," I say, unable to keep the smile off my face. "She has. And that's why it scares me. This is new and exciting…what happens if it fizzles out?"

Marissa shrugs. "I'm not one to give relationship advice since I've been chronically single since I turned twenty-one, but isn't that always a risk with a relationship? You do romantic things to keep it going. You've had a crush on Lisa for years. Your feelings aren't going to fizzle out."

"I know mine won't." I rest my hands on my stomach, feeling so much love for my little Ella. "I want things to work between us," I start, knowing the truth's been inside me this whole time. "And I'm worried I'm forcing something that wouldn't otherwise be there. Does that even make sense?"

"Yeah, and I see your point. You're a practical person—most of the time. But love isn't practical. You've liked Lisa since you've known her, and you told me she said she liked you before you two hooked up. So yeah, you got pushed into a relationship, but the feelings were there on both sides."

Tears prick the corners of my eyes, and I wipe them away, annoyed with myself for how emotional I become thanks to all the hormones. "Thanks, Mar. You're right."

"I usually am." She gives me a smirk. "Now, tell me what you really want."

"I want her to tell me she loves me, for her to get a job in Chicago, and for us to move in together and eventually get married," I blurt.

"See? How hard was that. Now…do you think Lisa knows you want that?"

I shake my head. "Maybe. I don't want to freak her out or anything. She really wants a fellowship to do trauma surgery and she can't really pick and choose where she'll get placed."

"How does that make you feel?" Marissa asks, doing her best Dr. Phil impression.

"I'd rather her be done with school so we can be together," I say, sticking with this honesty thing. "But it's only a year or two and it's her dream."

My phone buzzes and my eyes widen when I pick it up. "It's a group text from Jinwoo. To me and Lisa."

"Ohhh!" Marissa leans forward. "What does it say?"

I open the message and quickly read it. "He's asking if certain dates work for the bridal shower because he wants to make sure we both can go."

"Wow, progress! All it took was Lisa saving your nephew's life to get him to turn around."

"I know, right?"

"Speaking of, how is Jackson?"

"Much better. He came home from the hospital yesterday and is having a hard time resting because he just wants to play."

"That's good!"

I nod. It's Wednesday afternoon, but Jackson jumping into the pool still feels like yesterday. "It still freaks me out how fast things happened. He was only underwater for a few seconds and could have—"

"Stop. You're going to start crying again. He's fine."

"Right. He is." I wipe my eyes for good measure, just in time because Raul knocks on my office door, asking if I could go over some coding with him.

"Yeah, I'll be right there," I say with a smile.

"Thanks, boss lady." He smiles back and looks down at my hotdog. "Interesting lunch."

"You're right," I whisper to Marissa as soon as Raul leaves. I'm going to have to talk to HR sooner rather than later about arranging for my maternity leave anyway. And people are going to find out in time. I unlock my phone and open Instagram. I have an oddly high number of followers thanks to an article Forbes did on me right after I sold the app to Apple. I'm not that interesting of a person, but I do find the best funny memes to share.

I upload my favorite picture of Lisa and me from this weekend, heart fluttering when I look at it. We're standing by the pink balloons, and looking lovingly into each other's eyes. My hair is tucked awkwardly behind my ear, but we both look so happy.

So in love.

Lisa's hand is on my stomach, and her smile is genuine. Man, I miss her. Tomorrow is too far away. Long distance sucks.

"We cannot wait for spring. Hashtag thirteen weeks. Hashtag baby girl," I say out loud as I type.

"Don't forget hashtag blessed."

"And grateful. Please. I might be basic, but I know enough not to flaunt it around on social media," I laugh and post the photo. But I really do feel those things.

Me: I told you, I'll get fired if I do that.

Jinhwan: Come on, sis. Live a little.

Jin: As an officer of the law I must remind you…it's only illegal if you get caught.

Me: Guys, I don't know…I really like my job.

Donghyuk: You'd be the coolest sister ever if you did this.

Me: I'm already the coolest sister.

Jinhwan: Jinwoo's only getting married once.

Donghyuk: That's debatable. I still don't see how Kara puts up with his ass. Think of it this way, J: it's the only bachelor party we're throwing for him.

Me: Maybe…it's risky. We're still working bugs out of the prototype. I wouldn't want you guys to get hurt.

Jinwoo: You guys are assholes. Mom told me the Batmobile isn't real and all that footage is fake.

I crack up, reading Jinwoo's text twice. We've been going at this all day, with my other brothers trying to convince me to let them take the Batmobile out for the bachelor party.

Jin: It took MOM telling you it's not real for you to get it? Jackson never once bought into it.

Donghyuk: And he's fucking THREE YEARS OLD

Jinhwan: hahaha you're never living this down, bro

I send a carefully doctored photo of me sitting behind the wheel of the Batmobile to the group text, still laughing as I imagine Jinwoo's pouting face right now.

Me: I guess it'll just be me in this bad boy then. So long, suckers!

Jinhwan: He's believed this for FOUR FUCKING MONTHS, guys

Donghyuk: I didn't think we could keep it going for that long.

Jin: J and I get all the credit.

Jinwoo: Again. Assholes.

Something flutters in my stomach. I put my phone down, smile still on my face, and put both hands over my belly. Did I just feel Ella kick? My phone chimes again and again, and I know I'm missing a slew of texts from my brothers. I keep my hands pressed to my stomach, waiting for that feeling again. Deciding it's just gas—I did have a burrito for lunch—I pick up my phone again and catch up on the texts from my brothers.

There's another from Mino, asking if we can get together when he's back in town. I bite the inside of my cheek, not sure how to answer. I have no issue grabbing lunch with him if we're with other people from work. And I don't mind talking to him. We have a lot in common, and he does know my family. We're better at being friends and fell flat romantically.

He was a practical boyfriend. I was moderately attracted to him, we worked in the same field, and lived near each other. It made sense to date him. I gave it a shot, and while I can't say it was terrible, there just wasn't a spark.

I have more than a spark with Lisa. We have a raging fire. But we don't have much in common. We work in total opposite fields. And we live hours apart.

"Love isn't practical," I say out loud. And then it hits me what I just said. Love. I'm in love with Lisa.

Tapping my fingers on my desk, I start to type a reply to Mino. He still follows me on Instagram, so he has to know I'm pregnant and with Lisa. I delete what I'm typing and start again, finally agreeing to have a 'working lunch' with him the week he gets back. He responds with a smiley face and I go back and read my message, wondering if I was too callous. I don't want to lead him on…this is only this hard for me, I'm sure.

Silencing my phone, I go back to work, wrapping up a final system check on a program we're launching next month. I find a few things to tweak, make notes, and go back through it again.

I have to stop to pee for the second time since lunch. If I wasn't so damn thirsty all the time, I'd lay off beverages until I got home. It's getting a bit annoying to use the bathroom more than normal, and I know it'll only get worse.

When I get back to my office, I see I missed a call from Lisa. I sit back in my chair, put my wrist brace back on and call her.

"Hey, babe," she says right away. It sounds like she's outside near a road. "How's work?"

"It's all right. I'm busy, but it's going by slow since I know I'll get to see you soon. Are you done with surgery?"

"I didn't get to do it. My patient ate three hours before he got here. We had to reschedule the operation."

"Wow. Way to listen to doctor's orders."

"I know. And it wasn't like a quick drink of water and something small to eat. He went out to breakfast."

I let out a snort of laughter. "I'm glad you found out."

"It was obvious. He had bacon stuck in his teeth."

"So does that mean you're done for the day?"

"It does. Or it did, I suppose. I'm already in Chicago."

"Are you serious?" I bring my hand to my chest, smiling like a fool.

"I am. I've been here a while, actually. I tried to find a spot to park close to your apartment. It took a while, but I wanted to surprise you."

"That's twice in a row you did. I need to step it up and surprise you," I say, very glad now I got new lingerie to wear for her tonight. "Where are you now?"

"Almost to your office building."

My eyes fill with tears and I shake my head at myself. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too. You're almost done with work, right? I don't want to interrupt your day."

"I am. I have like half an hour left and I'm wrapping up for the day. I can't believe you're here!"

"Believe it, babe. How's Jackson doing? Jinwoo said he came home from the hospital."

"You guys are talking again?"

"We are. He called and asked if I wanted to come to the bachelor party."

"That's great! You're going, right?"

"If I can. The party is in April, and by then, I'll officially be a surgeon and no longer a resident."

"Right! You're done at the end of the year."

"I'm counting down the days," she says with a laugh. I don't know why I more or less forgot about her finishing her residency before Ella is born. In my mind, the two happened at the same time. But she'll have a new job before Ella's born, which is good, right?

"Jackson's doing well. Thanks to you."

"You all can stop thanking me. I'm a doctor. Noticing illness and injury is part of my job. Though it has been a few seconds since I brought up that I'm a doctor. I can see how you could forget."

"You better wear a name tag that says Dr. Manoban on it or something."

"I'll add in MD and the fact that I'm a surgeon. I don't want people thinking I just have a lowly PhD or something."

I laugh and move to the window, looking down at the street far below. I won't be able to see Lisa walking in, but it's still interesting to stop and people watch from this far up.

"We can't have that, now, can we? Are you almost here?"

"Impatient?"

"Just a little," I say with a laugh. "I thought I felt Ella kicking today. Is it too early?"

"It's unlikely but not impossible. It'll be another few weeks before you can externally feel her kicking." The sounds of traffic fade. "I'm in your building."

"You might lose service in the elevator. Come up and I'll meet you in the lobby. See you soon."

We hang up and I save what I've been working on. I quickly straighten up my desk and do a quick check of my appearance, using my phone as a mirror. I go into the lobby, just in time to see Lisa get off the elevator.

I rush to her, throwing my arms around her and pulling her in for a kiss, not caring who sees. Lisa kisses me back hard, tongue pushing into my mouth.

"That gets better every time," she breathes, breaking away.

"It really does."

She slowly brings her hands down my arms and rests one on my stomach. "I missed her too."

The fluttering feeling comes back as if Ella knows her daddy is right here with us. Smiling, I lead Lisa back into the office with me, ignoring the blank stares Rene and Charlene are giving us right now. I introduce her to a few coworkers, and then she sits in my office talking with Marissa while I finish my work.

When I'm done for the day, Lisa and I walk out together, and she takes my hand as we walk the few blocks it takes to get to my apartment. She grabs her bag from her car and lugs it upstairs and inside.

Lego circles around Lisa, meowing to be picked up almost immediately after we walk in.

"Hey, buddy," Lisa says, cradling the cat to her chest. "You remember me?" She takes off her shoes and goes to the couch, sitting and petting Lego, who's purring loudly. I cross the room and go into the kitchen to get a can of food for the cats, and I realize this is exactly what I want.

Lisa and I together, raising our child together as a family.