Chapter 21
Lisa
I zip up my suitcase and haul it into the living room. I'm on call tonight and then I'm home free, ready to spend a week on the Hawaiian coast with Jennie. Everything is ready, and I plan to sleep as much as I can until I have to go in. Then it's come back here, take a quick shower and drive to Chicago so Jennie and I can board the plane together.
The last time I went on a real vacation was my senior year during my pre-med schooling. Jinwoo and I went to Miami for spring break, stayed in a shitty-ass motel and almost got hustled by a pair of twins. Can I even consider that a vacation?
"Did you pack the ring?" Bambam asks, coming out of the kitchen.
I turn, giving him a surprised look. "You know about it?"
Bambam's eyes widen. "I was giving you shit. You really bought her a ring?"
"Not quite. Her grandma gave me her ring to propose with."
"Are you going to?"
I run my hand through my hair and sit on the couch, reaching for my wallet on the coffee table. The ring is inside, and I've been constantly worried about losing it.
"I don't know."
Bambam hikes an eyebrow. "Weren't you just telling me yesterday how you're all ready and shit to start a family and live together."
"Yeah. And I am. I want to marry her. Hell, I've known she's the only one for years."
"So what's the fucking problem?"
I let out a breath. "What if she says no?"
Bambam laughs. "You're joking, right? She's in love with you and is pregnant with your child."
"That doesn't mean she wants to get married before the baby is born."
"So don't get married before the baby is born." Bambam grabs the TV remote and sits on the lounge chair opposite me. "You're overthinking this. You love her. She loves you. If you want to propose, then fucking propose."
"I think the ring is too small."
Bambam makes a face. "Give it to her now and upgrade later. You'll be able to buy a big rock in a year or two."
"True, but I mean the actual ring. It won't fit on her finger."
"Get it resized. Or is that bad to do with rings with sentimental value? I don't know this shit."
"I don't either. Her grandma suggested using the diamonds in another setting, but it feels wrong to take the thing apart."
Bambam nods. "Just ask her. I want to throw you a bachelor party."
I chuckle. "I'll do it just for your sake then. But no, we're not going to try and recreate The Hangover."
"You're no fun, man."
"We'll do that for your wedding."
Bambam lets out a snort of laughter. "I don't plan on settling down anytime soon. Don't forget, I'm younger than you." He turns on the TV. "One more year of residency and then I'll be making bank and can use that to impress the ladies. Only one-night stands for me."
"You're such a standup guy."
"Please," he retorts. "If you hadn't knocked Jennie up that's all she'd be to you."
It'd be easy to get mad at him and say Jennie's always been so much more to me, that we'd find our way together somehow.
But maybe we wouldn't.
I lived for years with a hole in my heart years ago? Would we be married with children already? Dwelling on what-ifs does no good. But thinking about the future does. And I'm not going to stand back anymore.
I'm proposing to Jennie on our trip.
I change out of surgical scrubs and grab my shit from my locker. I got three and a half hours of sleep before I got called in. I've been in back-to-back operations since, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to make the four-hour drive without falling asleep behind the wheel. I'm going over everything in my head and assuming traffic is moving like normal, I can get in a good power nap before making the drive.
I have a missed call from a Chicago number. There's no voicemail, and a tiny bit of panic flashes through me that something happened to Jennie. I call her cell right away, and she answers on the third ring.
"Are you okay?" I rush out.
"Yeah, why?"
"Someone with a Chicago area code called and my first thought was that something bad happened to you."
"That's kind of sweet. I'm fine, I promise. I just got up and am straightening up my apartment before we leave. I'm so excited!"
"Me too. This will be the longest time we've spent together."
"I hope you still like me at the end of the week," she jokes.
"It would take a lot for me to stop liking you, babe. And even more for me to stop loving you."
"Okay, you just earned major points with that one."
"I'll be sure to cash those in at some point this week."
"I'll be disappointed if you don't. I'm assuming you're at work, right? You said you had a missed call."
"Yeah. I've been here all night."
"Oh," she says, sounding a little disappointed. "Are you too tired to drive?"
"Nah, I'll be fine."
"I don't believe you," she says back right away. "Take a nap. I'd rather miss our flights than have you fall asleep behind the wheel. If you died, Lisa, it would kill me."
"Stop thinking about it," I tell her, knowing she'll start crying. This new emotional side annoys her, but I find it charming. "I have time for a short nap, and I'll grab some espresso on the way."
"Naps make me feel more tired sometimes."
"The trick is not letting yourself get to REM sleep. You have to wake up before then."
"Right. I think I've heard that before. Go home and rest. Call me when you leave, please?"
"I will. Love you."
"Love you too."
I tuck my shirt into my pants, put on my belt and grab my lab coat, needing to do rounds on my patients before I can leave. I have at least twenty minutes of paperwork too, which is my least favorite about being a doctor.
A sense of relief comes over me when I step out of the hospital. I haven't been away for more than two days at a time in too fucking long. I speed home, take a quick shower, and crash in bed. The pressure to sleep keeps me from falling asleep, and when my alarm goes off to get up, I'm finally feeling tired. I set it again for another fifteen minutes and close my eyes.
Those fifteen minutes go by fast. Yawning my way out the door, I get back in my Jeep and head out. I get coffee on the road and talk to Jennie for the first hour. I make a pit stop for more coffee at the halfway point and walk around a bit to try and keep myself alert and awake. It's cloudy, and the farther north I go, the more it looks like a bad storm is about to rain down on us.
Jennie calls again about forty-five minutes later to make sure I hadn't fallen asleep at the wheel and says it's raining in the city with a storm forecasted to come in right around the time we're supposed to take off.
Traffic slows thanks to the rain, and I get to Jennie's with only minutes to spare before we have to leave for the airport. But when she answers her door in just a silk robe, I assume our plane has been delayed.
I don't waste time asking questions. I roll my suitcase to the side, close the door, and pick her up and kiss her.
"Good morning, Dr. Manoban," she says, throwing her arms around me. "How was the drive?"
"You were on the phone with me most of the time," I say with a smile, kissing her again. I shift my gaze down, first noticing her bare breasts and hard nipples. "Ella has grown."
Jennie nods. "I feel it. And she's been kicking up a storm. It still feels squirmy and not kicky."
"Kicky?"
"It's a word. I think. I told her you were coming."
"That's not an appropriate thing to tell a baby." I raise my eyebrows and Jennie laughs. "How much time do we have?"
"Two hours. But the flight will probably get pushed back even more." She wrinkles her nose. "Though I'd much rather have the flight delayed ahead of time than to get there and sit on the runway for hours."
"Me too." I slide my hands down Jennie's ass. "How do you want to spend our time?"
Her full lips curve into a smile. "Remember the first time you kissed me?"
"I will always remember that."
"And what came after?"
"I believe you did. At least two times."
She nuzzles her lips against my neck. "I want to do that again."
"You don't have to tell me twice."
"Lisa," Jennie whispers, breath warm on my skin. I passed out after we had sex and have no idea what time it is. The sky is still dark and cloudy, and rain hits the tall windows in her bedroom. If the promise of paradise wasn't on the horizon, I'd be tempted to stay here all day.
This is as close to perfect as anything.
"Is it time to get up?"
"Yeah. The storm passed, and I think the rain will let up enough for us to take off."
"One more minute?"
"Sure." She presses her lips to my neck and lays back down, running her nails up and down my arm. It takes more than one minute to pull myself out of bed. We get dressed and I help Jennie remake her bed. She says bye to her cats and feeds them a can of food before we do a quick double-check that we have everything and head out.
Jennie is beaming as we get into the elevator.
"Excited?" I ask, taking her carry-on bag from her. It's surprisingly heavy.
"What gave that away? Are you?"
"Yes. And right now, I'm excited to sleep on the plane."
"That's so sad, Lis," she says with a laugh. "I can't sleep on planes. I'm totally jealous that you'll pass out."
"I've learned to sleep anywhere simply for survival. After you work so many thirty-hour shifts, you sleep when you can wherever you can."
She pats her stomach. "My little energy sucker might help me fall asleep this time around though. It's been a while since I was on a plane for more than four hours."
The elevator stops two floors down, and an older couple gets in.
"Hello, Ms. Kim," the man says.
"Hi, Mr. Keller. And Mrs. Keller. How are you?"
"We're good, thank you. Getting ready to brave the rain," the wife says, bringing her hand up to her hair. "Are you going on vacation?"
"We are," Jennie replies, tipping her head up at me. "Hawaii."
"Oh, you'll love it!" Mrs. Keller coos. "Our daughter went before her baby was due too. That whole babymoon thing wasn't around when we had our kids." She darts her gaze to me. "I didn't realize you two moved in together."
"We haven't yet," Jennie admits almost shyly. "This is my gielfriend, Lisa. Lis, this is Mr. And Mrs. Keller from two floors down."
Mr. Keller shakes my hand. "Nice to meet you. That's a fine young woman you've got there."
I put my free hand on the small of Jennie's back. "She sure is."
"Have a fun trip." The elevator slows as it gets to the main level. "Nice meeting you, Lisa," Mrs. Keller tells me. "Hopefully we'll run into you again."
"I'm sure you will. I'm hoping to get a job in the city."
"She's a doctor," Jennie tells them. "A surgeon, actually."
"Wow, how nice."
The doors open, and the Kellers step aside, letting us out first. Jennie already requested an Uber to take up to the airport, and one should be here any minute now.
"I wasn't going to bring up the whole doctor thing," I tease. "But you couldn't resist, could you?"
"It's almost like your sense of identity will fade away and you'll forget who you are if you don't constantly remind people of your MD status."
I laugh and push my suitcase against the wall as we wait. "Now, don't panic, but I didn't pack my lab coat or scrubs."
She dramatically gasps, bringing her hand to her mouth. "Now I might forget who you are." She slides her suitcase over by mine and looks outside for our ride. She checks the status of our fight, and when I look at my own phone for an update on the weather, I see I have four emails.
Call me OCD, but I can't stand when I have unread emails. I don't understand how some people let their mailboxes fill up and have thousands and thousands of emails just sitting there.
Read them or delete. It's not that hard. And yes, I'm aware what a pointless thing it is to obsess over.
I open my email, expecting all four to be junk. Three are, but the forth isn't.
"Dr. Crawford emailed me about the fellowship," I say, madly scanning the email. I read it so fast I miss information and have to go back and start from the beginning.
"What did he say?"
"I got in."
"What? Are you serious?" Jennie jumps up with excitement and throws her arms around me. "That's amazing! I knew you'd get in. We have double to celebrate on vacation now! When does it start? I can't wait until you're here with me!"
I blink, reread a particular part three times, and feel like someone just dunked me under water.
Icy cold, dark water.
Because this is both good and bad. This is tearing me in two and I haven't even made up my mind, yet alone said it out loud.
I want to live with Jennie and Ella. I want us to be a family, and I really and truly believe we will. I want to marry Jennie and have more babies because I know our kids are going to be fucking awesome kids with the best mother anyone could ask for.
But I also want this fellowship and know a few years can go by fast but can also feel like hell. And a few years of Ella's life is full of firsts and difficult times. I don't want to miss out on that.
"Lisa?" Jennie asks, sliding her hands down my shoulders and stopping at my arms. She gives them a squeeze and looks at my phone. "What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy about the fellowship."
"I am," I start. "But it's in Boston."
