Chapter 26
Jennie
I hang up without leaving a message and set my phone down, feeling a little uneasy. I haven't talked to Lisa since yesterday afternoon. Things still weren't quite resolved between us when we got off the plane, and it's making the missed calls seem like a bigger deal than it is.
I know Lisa was in surgery throughout the night and is working again today. She doesn't usually call if she gets off in the middle of the night, not wanting to wake me up. Though given the way things are unsettled between us, it's making me worry. And when I worry, I tend to obsess and assume the worst is going to happen. That way if something slightly less traumatic actually does happen, I'm not as devastated.
"My bitch is back!" Marissa throws her arms up and comes into my office. "It was so boring around here without you last week. How was vacay?"
"Fun," I tell her with a smile. And it was, up until the plane ride home. Lisa felt bad for insinuating she doesn't trust me, and I believe her. And a bit of jealousy is nice, if I'm being honest. But she has nothing to worry about, and what hurt the most was that I gave her well wishes to go follow her dreams in Boston and didn't even bring up the fact that she'd be away and alone and has the potential to stray.
Because I didn't even think about it.
I love her. I trust her. I've known Lisa for years and have always believed her to be a good person.
"You have a sour look on your face." Marissa sits in the chair in front of my desk. "Are you feeling sick again?"
"No, thankfully." I let out a sigh. "Lisa and I got into a weird fight-thing on the way home and it's still bugging me."
"Fight-thing?"
"It wasn't really a fight but was more than a disagreement and we're both at crossroads, and I don't know what to really think about it."
"Start from the beginning because you lost me."
I nod, so glad Marissa is here. She's not exactly a neutral party; she'll side with me nine times out of ten. That's what best friends do, after all.
"Lisa got into a fellowship program to do trauma surgery, but it's in Boston. It's an intense program and she'll be there for two years."
"Oh, damn, that's both good and bad."
"Yeah." I shake my head. "I want her to go as much as I don't. She's wanted this and was aiming for it before this happened." I motion to my belly. "And I don't know what's right or wrong here. I feel bad telling her I don't want her to go. We've been talking about moving in together and it felt like we were on the path to becoming a family. But it's just two years, that's nothing compared to the rest of her life as a trauma surgeon. And it's not fair for her to change her plans for me when this has been her end game the whole time, right?"
"You're changing your plans," Marissa counters. "Once the baby is born you're taking at least some time off." She holds up her hand before I can interrupt. "And don't tell me it's because you're the mom. Do you feel like that's unfair?"
"No, but it's not the same. This fellowship is really competitive and if she doesn't do it now, there's no promise she'll get in again later."
"Okay…say you got into some sort of training program with Bill Gates or something. You'd go away for a year or two, but Ella would stay with Lisa. Would you do it?"
"No," I say with no hesitation. "But I don't want to push my personal opinion on her."
"You guys are pretty personal though. Personal enough to have a baby."
I make a face. "I know. But I don't know, and that's the issue with this."
She nods. "So that's what your fight-thing was about?"
"No." I look at her, realizing I'm going to have to spill the beans about potentially leaving IHG. "Close the door."
"Ohhhh, this has to be some good drama." She gets up to close the door and comes back, sitting on the edge of the chair.
"Mino approached me about starting up a new company, and when I told Lisa she got a little jealous, which is fine, but it's making me wonder if we did rush into things because she has nothing to be worried about. It takes time to build up trust between two people, and we haven't been dating for that long, which makes me go back to feeling bad not wanting her to go to Boston because she should want to be with us more than she wants this fellowship." I blurt that all out fast, relieved when I finally say it out loud.
"Taking the fellowship doesn't mean she wants it more than she wants you," Marissa tries to reason.
"I know," I sigh. "And that's why I feel so bad wishing she'd decide on her own to stay here."
"You shouldn't feel bad about it. No one wants their girlfriend to go away for work."
I wrinkle my nose. "True. I'm faking my happiness, so I do feel bad."
"Don't fake it. Tell her how you feel."
"Then she might not take it."
Marissa widens her eyes. "Which is what you want."
"Yeah, but because she doesn't want to, not because she knows I don't want her to go."
Marissa shakes her head. "What's the damn difference?"
"The root of her decision?" I try, knowing I probably sound insane. "I love her and want her to be happy."
"Don't you think she wants the same for you?"
My phone rings before I can answer her. "It's Lisa."
"I'll catch up later," Marissa says, going to the door. "I need to hear all about this new company you might leave me for."
Waiting until Marissa has closed the door behind her, I answer. "Hey, Lis."
"Hey, babe. How are you?"
"All right. I just got to work. You?"
"I'm just leaving work."
"You've been there all night?"
"Yeah," she groans. "I have a few hours to sleep before going back. I have a Whipple today, so I'll be in surgery for eight or so hours."
"What the heck is a Whipple? Sounds kinda kinky."
"It's a pancreaticoduodenectomy," she says.
"Oh right, one of those."
She laughs. "It's basically removing cancerous tumors from the head of the pancreas. It's a long procedure."
"Wow. That's intense."
"It is, and the pathology isn't the greatest for this patient."
"I'm not sure what that means either, but good luck? Is that the right thing to say?"
"I guess. It's just work for me, though this isn't as routine as removing a gallbladder."
I smile, imagining Lisa in her blue scrubs. "Did you think about the fellowship any more?"
"Yeah…I think I should do it."
My eyes fall shut and I put on a smile, forgetting for a moment that she can't see me. "Great. It's such a good opportunity."
"It is. What about you? Have you heard anything more about your job?"
"No, not yet." Someone knocks on my office door. I move the phone away from my face. "Come in," I call.
"Do you need to go?" Lisa asks.
"Yeah. I suppose I should work at work, right?"
Lisa chuckles. "Right. I'll call you later. Love you, babe."
"Love you too." I hang up, and the uneasy feeling comes back. I don't want to drift apart after we finally got together.
