Chapter 27

Lisa

"Your frequent flyer is back."

"Are you serious?" I look up from the paperwork I've been filling out for the last twenty minutes, knowing by the nurse's face she is.

"Popped stitches. ER sent him up."

"They can't do stitches down there?" I grumble.

The nurse rolls her eyes. "Apparently 'it's internal,' and he needs to see a surgeon. Like we can just put him in front of our other patients. Do you want me to send him back down?"

"No, I'll deal with it. Thank you, though."

I finish my paperwork and deal with the difficult patient, who had a hernia repaired a month ago and hasn't followed post-op instructions at all. He's been in three times since his operation. I do rounds after that, finish my paperwork and finally go home after a twenty-six-hour shift.

Another resident who's been in the program with me since the beginning got into a car accident and broke several bones in her hand. She's unable to operate and just thinking about it makes my stomach churn. It's a shitty blow to be this close to the end and have an injury that could prevent you from performing surgery ever again. Another resident and I had to pick up the slack this past week, and needless to say, I'm fucking exhausted.

It doesn't help the situation with Jennie. It's been nearly a week since we've seen each other and as every day passes, the tension grows. She's encouraging and understanding and thinks I should do the fellowship because there's no promise I'll get in again. I don't want her to think it's a decision I've taken lightly, but I've worked so hard to get here.

I call her when I get into my car, seriously wondering if I'll be able to make it home without falling asleep behind the wheel. The good news about working all these hours is that I'm maxed out for the week and can't work the weekend.

"Hey," she answers cheerfully. "How are you?"

"Tired but alive. You?"

"Tired too, but good. I'm packing to go back to Eastwood this weekend."

"Oh right, the downtown Trick or Treating is tonight. What's Jackson going as this year?"

"A Stormtrooper. And it's actually not too cold today. I hated having to wear a coat over my costume."

"Me too. We had snow on Halloween many times and putting that coat on ruined my look."

She laughs. "Yeah. It's seventy and sunny at home, which is exciting. It'll feel like a movie Halloween or something." She zips up her suitcase in the background. "How was work?"

"I'm finally leaving."

"Finally? How long have you been at the hospital?"

"Since yesterday afternoon."

"Lis, that's not good for you! Are you driving right now?"

"Yep. Want to talk to me until I get home? Make sure I don't pass out."

"That is not funny," she says pointedly.

"Sadly, I'm not joking."

"I thought you said someone was supposed to come in and help cover those patients."

I sigh. "They haven't yet. Some of these procedures should have been canceled but the hospital is money-hungry."

"Aren't they all?"

"It's what makes the world go 'round."

"Do you have the rest of the day off?"

"I do, luckily. I'm supposed to get ten hours off between each shift, but that doesn't always happen."

Silence falls between us, and I hate it.

"So, what do you want to do about the baby shower?" she asks. "My mom keeps bugging me. The easiest thing would be to have it before you leave."

"Yeah," I agree. "Jinwoo's not going to be happy about that."

"Jinwoo can deal. He and Kara can pick another weekend in December. They can pick any weekend they want since they both live in the same town." She sighs. "Sorry, I'm just frustrated today."

"What's going on?"

"My wrist hurts, and the round ligament pain is back. The cats spilled a food bowl over and I didn't realize kibble got under the fridge and now I have ants. But seriously, how do they get all the way up here? I'm on the tenth floor. I got spray and then realized it wasn't safe to use while pregnant or around the cats, so I've been vacuuming them up all afternoon. I tried to move my fridge but it's too heavy and I don't want to make those stupid ligaments hurt even more than they already do."

I feel bad I'm not there to help her. "Bambam and I had ants when we first moved in. Get the traps that have poison inside. It won't hurt your cats but will kill the queen ant because the worker ants take the food back to their nest."

"Okay. I have to run out before I leave, anyway. I'm almost out of cat litter and I don't feel like dealing with that old lady at the pet store telling me how I shouldn't clean the litter box since I'm pregnant, but who else is going to do it?"

I could do it…if I were there. And Jennie has been cautious and safe, knowing how to avoid getting sick from cleaning the litter box.

"How bad is the pain?"

"It's not abnormal. I saw my OB yesterday and she said everything is fine."

"I didn't know you had a doctor appointment yesterday." We hardly spoke yesterday since I was at the hospital and didn't have a chance to check in. Guilt creeps over me. It's going to be like this again in the fellowship. "Everything went okay?"

"Yeah. I scheduled my mid-pregnancy ultrasound too but can reschedule if you can't make it that day. You do want to come, right?"

"Yes, definitely. When is it scheduled for?"

"November eighth."

"I'll check the schedule the next time I'm in."

"Great. Oh, and Mino got good news about the new company. We're meeting on Monday to discuss names. So in like six months or so I'll be free to work from home. Any home."

I know what she's hinting at again, and I just can't do that to her. I love her too much to drag her to Boston where she'll basically be alone with Ella.

"That's good." Exhaustion is pressing down on me, and I give my head a shake to try and stay awake.

"Almost home? I worry about you."

"I have ten minutes."

"Okay. I'm going to narrate what I'm doing for your entertainment then," she says with a laugh and goes about making herself something to eat.

"I'm parking now," I say with a yawn.

"You made it! Now just march up and take a nap."

"That's my plan. After I shower. I think I stink."

"You think?"

"I might have gotten used to the smell."

She laughs again. "Poor baby. You need to—ugh."

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Just that pain again. If I hunch over it's not that bad, but when I straighten up it's like someone's flicking rubber bands again. I'm fine though, don't worry. Before you go, would any Sunday in December work for you? What about early January?"

"You can pick a date. If I can be there, I will."

"You won't know if you have a day off?"

I pinch the bridge of my nose. "I can't promise anything. But that's okay. Do it whenever it's good for you, babe."

"But I want you there."

"I might not be able to," I say harsher than I intend to. I'm just so fucking tired. "And I don't have to be there either, right? Guys don't have to go."

"No, Lisa, you don't have to be there," she says slowly. "But it'd be fucking nice to have the father of the baby the shower is being thrown for at the party."

"Jennie," I start and unlock my door.

"It's fine," she sighs. "I don't even know where I'm taking the baby stuff."

"To your apartment," I say without thinking.

"I thought that we…that I…"

"You'll hate it in Boston," I interrupt. Jennie doesn't say anything for a few seconds and I wish I could take back my words. I'm doing that thing again where I act like an asshole to avoid dealing with feelings.

"I'll talk to you later. Get some rest," she says and hangs up.

"Fuck." I take off my shoes and strip as I walk to the bathroom, taking a fast shower and debating if I should call Jennie back now or give her space. My phone is at one percent, and I take that as a sign to give her space.

I plug it into the charger and crash into bed as soon as I'm out of the shower. Not even two minutes later my phone rings and I spring up to grab it. But it's my mother, not Jennie.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Lisa!" she says cheerfully. At least she's not calling with bad news. "How are you? We've hardly talked the last few weeks."

"I've been busy at work. What else is new, right?"

"You're almost done. Tell me all about Hawaii! I'm so glad you got to go and relax for a week."

"It was great."

"The last time we talked you mentioned possibly popping the question. I've been watching Jennie's Instagram and she hasn't posted much, but…did you?"

"No," I say with a sigh. "The timing didn't feel right."

"How could you have better timing than being in Hawaii?"

"It just wasn't."

Mom can sense the tension and quickly changes the subject. "You spent a lot of time in Eastwood. Are you familiar with the town much?"

"I know my way around. Why?"

"Your father and I were talking about moving there. He's able to get a transfer to New Port, which isn't far, and it's such a cute little town."

"I'm not following. Why are you moving?"

Mom lets out a sigh. "Every time Bobby comes close to cleaning up his act, he falls back with the same crowd. If we move away from the bad apples, maybe he'll stay clean long enough to make it a habit."

I rub the back of my neck, stress and sleep deprivation getting to me. "He's thirty-two years old, Mom. When are you going to let him go and start enjoying your life?"

"Never," she says without hesitation. "He's my child and I'll forever try to help him."

"But that's not fair to you."

"Even if I said to hell with you and threw him on the streets, I wouldn't be able to live. I'd worry. You'll understand when Ella is born, Lisa. You'll do anything for your child."

"But you've sacrificed so much for him."

"And I'll keep sacrificing until there is nothing left. In a few months, you'll see. I promise you, after holding Ella for the first time, you'll just know that there's nothing you won't do for her."

I squeeze my eyes shut. We have to do what's best for Ella, no matter what…even if that means making tough sacrifices.