Lesson 10: be Human
Ayanami Rei observed with cool detachment as Nanagami Rin interrogated the blonde twins that she had briefly met that morning and then again when they had burst into the room she had been asked to watch, dragging along the robot that had attacked her. The twins were of little consequence, she decided after a moment. She had already fulfilled their request and they did not pose an immediate threat, kneeling contritely on the floor as they were. Upon further consideration, Rei realized that they were of so little consequence that she did not even know their names, as they had not been included in the request that brought her here and they had not introduced themselves before their sudden departure either. The albino girl put them out of her mind entirely as her gaze returned to the unblinking machine sitting on the sofa.
Robot.
A creation of humanity.
A tool for achieving her creator's purpose.
What are you?
The robot girl's words rang in Rei's memory, a discordant trill that derailed her thoughts, and her eyes briefly glanced downwards at the hand still holding the firearm that was both her final means of protection and escape.
Ayanami Rei.
A creation of humanity.
A tool for achieving her creator's purpose.
What am I?
Seed of Life…
Her thoughts were brought back to the clubroom as one of the twins -the pink one- complained loudly at something that Nanagami Rin had said. Nanagami Rin's voice was ice itself as she calmly berated the twin in a low and harsh tone, and the pink-garbed girl shrunk in on herself almost immediately. Iwabitsu Ayumu, the black-winged blonde that had been Rei's escort in this ever increasingly strange city, whispered something to Rin's ear and the bespectacled girl sighed. The whispering continued and Rin's lecture stopped momentarily, but her stern glare did not diminish at all. When Ayumu finished confiding with Rin, the Vice-President's tone was still icy, but decidedly softer and lower when she spoke again, and Rei could not make out what she said despite paying renewed attention to the twins' plight. Ayumu seemed satisfied and sidestepped the still kneeling Game Development Department, heading towards Rei.
"Rei," the blonde asked with concern once she was close enough to whisper, "are you alright?"
Red eyes blinked in confusion at the question. This was the third time since arriving in the city of Kivotos that someone had asked about her wellbeing. It was just as strange as the first two times.
"Yes," she answered with some trepidation. Knowing that Ayumu would insist on more information, Rei continued, "I am unharmed."
The taller girl nodded and smiled at her, and Rei was reminded of the unfamiliar sensation she had felt when Yurizono Seia had laughed without restraint.
What is this feeling?
It is… warm…
"Good. I'm glad," Ayumu answered, worry giving way to relief in her voice. After a brief pause, she found her voice again and asked, "How was the assignment? You didn't feel lonely?"
Rei's brow furrowed almost imperceptibly at Ayumu's questions, but she replied in the same detached tone as always, "I played games with Yuzu."
"You… played games?"
"Yes," she replied, "With Yuzu. I could not win."
Ayumu seemed at a loss for words for several moments before she gathered her thoughts to speak once more. "Did you have fun?" she finally asked with amusement and a hint of something more.
"I do not know," Rei replied after considering her words. She shook her head slightly and, once again, expanded on her answer knowing that Ayumu would just inquire further. "I wanted to win," she said.
The GSC officer seemed both troubled and satisfied with Rei's reply and turned to look at the wilting pair of twins as well as the mortified redhead sitting next to them. Nanagami Rin's disciplinary lecture had seemingly regained its momentum.
"Don't worry," Ayumu whispered surreptitiously to the shorter student. "Rin won't be too hard on them. The jurisdiction battle would be too much of a hassle, after all." She mumbled something that Rei could not quite make out aside from the word 'arbitration'.
"I am not concerned," the blue-haired girl replied stoically, but Ayumu caught the quick glance Rei gave Yuzu and smiled softly at it. The smile disappeared when she noticed that Rei had not lowered her firearm throughout the entirety of their conversation.
"Were you scared?" Ayumu asked worriedly, her eyes studying Rei's face for any fleeting sentiment that might cross her features. She wanted to ask how Rei had come out unscathed from what appeared to be a fight against a malfunctioning robot. She wanted to ask how there was even a robot with a halo in the first place. She wanted to know where it had come from and why it had apparently assaulted Rei, but all these questions, however, were secondary to finding out how the slender, taciturn, and emotionally wounded girl in front of her was holding up.
"No. I was not afraid," Rei replied without hesitation. Ayanami Rei understood fear clearly, at least. The thought that she could no longer be replaced terrified her. The fleeting memories of her first death -the crushing force on her neck and the pain of each rasping, desperate breath- haunted her dreams. That all-consuming darkness was not something she wanted to experience ever again. No, what she had felt when the black-haired robot leapt at her had not been fear.
Shock.
A sentiment of apprehension.
Seed of Life…
"I was surprised. It will not happen again," Rei finished and the blonde girl beside her nodded after a few seconds of further scrutiny. Ayumu's features took a serious cast, and she placed a gentle hand on Rei's shoulder.
"Rei," Ayumu spoke softly, "you can put the gun down, ok? No matter what happens, I will protect you."
You will not die.
Because I will protect you.
I will protect you.
You.
…Myself?
Seed of Life…
The words struck her like a physical blow, and Rei flinched and lowered her firearm as she turned to look at Ayumu. They were the same words she had told Ikari-kun through a changing room's curtain when she had been asked to lay down her life for his. Words she had never expected to hear directed at herself. Why would anyone want to protect her? Rei shook her head softly. She couldn't understand Ayumu's reasoning. There was no mission she knew of that would require the older girl to lay down her life for hers.
She cannot be replaced.
I do not understand.
Why?
The words must have been written plain on her normally expressionless face because Ayumu answered before Rei could give voice to the questions running through her mind.
"Because I want to be your friend," the blonde smiled broadly, her green eyes shining, and Rei felt the return of that increasingly familiar and bizarre sensation which both warmed and confused her. "Can I?"
"…What?" was the only word that the albino girl could gasp through her suddenly unresponsive lips.
Nanagami Rin cleared her throat, commanding the attention of both girls standing by the window once again towards the demoralized Game Development Department and the motionless robot girl.
"I've explained their situation to them. In detail," Rin spoke up in a voice that was business-like and without a hint of partiality. "While normally each academy has complete purview of disciplinary matters related to their students, they've confessed to breaking several federal laws including trespassing and assault," the twins flinched and Yuzu whimpered as the General Student Council Vice-President continued without missing a step, "as such, we could make a formal request to Seminar and have them extradited to D.U. without too much difficulty, but..."
"But?" Ayumu prompted her friend to continue speaking.
With a put-upon sigh, Rin continued, "But since SCHALE's Sensei, Ayanami Rei, was the aggrieved party, I'll leave the choice to her. Would you like to press charges, Rei-sensei?"
All eyes turned towards the room's only halo-less occupant, and the clear expression on Rei's normally unreadable face was one of complete confusion. Normally, the senior staff of NERV would make any significant decisions and she would simply follow the orders that were borne out from the minds of her commanders. She cast her eyes downwards, avoiding their gazes. She could not meet their eyes.
A momentous decision.
The decision… is mine?
And half-remembered words floated up through the jumble of her disarrayed thoughts.
We are most curious what a misplaced doll keeps within her heart of hearts, the memory jeered at her.
…I am not a doll.
I am not an alien, nor a ghost, nor a zombie.
I am not sick.
I am myself.
I am Ayanami Rei.
I am myself that can make decisions for myself.
Ayanami Rei lifted her head and her red eyes crossed Yuzu's tearful eyes, and her decision was made in an instant.
"I will not press charges."
Several reactions occurred simultaneously at her words, but the most evident was that a strange, haloed girl once again launched herself at Rei.
"Waaaaah!" the pink twin wailed as she hugged her legs, weeping noisily. "Thank you, hero! Thank you, savior! Rei-chan-sensei, I love you!" The rest of her words were lost as she wept without care and buried her face in Rei's legs.
"Let go. Do not touch me."
The pink girl wailed louder and gripped her tighter, and Rei's discomfort increased as she felt all eyes upon her once again. She sought out Ayumu's and Rin's faces, but they smiled faintly and said nothing. The green twin looked at her strangely, and Yuzu…
Her lips formed two clear, unspoken words.
Thank you.
And she smiled.
Rei felt the strange emotion well up once again, accompanied by the bizarre warmth which had now traveled to her face. The halo-less girl heard someone gasp, she wasn't sure who, and she hid her face in the crook of the arm that held her schoolbag until Nanagami Rin finally decided to come to her rescue.
"Let her go, Saiba Momoi," the blue crowned student chided the teary mess at Rei's feet. "You're embarrassing her."
The girl with the pink halo, Saiba Momoi, finally let go of Rei and stood on shaky legs, wiping at her tears with her jacket sleeve even as she kept crying. Sensing the motion, Rei stopped hiding her face as well and looked up to see Rin and Ayumu looking at her with bemused expressions on their faces. Rin's expression, however, quickly shifted to her mask of professionalism as she sought out the haloed robot that had remained seated the entire time.
"Now, all that's left is her."
Saiba Momoi stopped her inelegant wailing immediately even as her younger twin dabbed at her teary face with a handkerchief she had produced from a pocket in her own jacket. Momoi started to speak but was interrupted by Midori.
"You shouldn't cry in public, Momoi," the younger sister explained patiently. "You don't have the complexion for it."
"We have the same face, Midori," she rebutted briefly before turning her attention back to the Vice-President of the entire city. "You can't have Aris. She's the newest member of the Game Development Department so Rei-chan-sensei's decision applies to her too."
Rin simply nodded in agreement, surprising the younger girls gathered in the room.
"An old friend asked me for a favor before I got here," Rin explained simply before her tone took a sharper edge, "You're getting one chance, and only one chance. If she steps out of line again, I'm dragging her straight to D.U. Got it?"
The twins nodded their cat-headphone wearing heads simultaneously, and Yuzu hesitated for a second before joining them. The robot said nothing. Satisfied with their response, Rin crossed her arms below her chest and fixed the robot with a troubled expression.
"I do have some questions, however. You said she's a robot, right? Aris?" she waited for the twin's response, a cautious nod, before she elaborated on her question, "A robot with a halo is just as unusual as a student without one." Rei scowled at Rin's words but said nothing. "Do you have any idea who made her or what caused her to malfunction?"
The twins were once again in sync with each other as they shook their heads. "No, ma'am," Momoi replied somewhat warily, "We couldn't even get her to turn on until we arrived at the club room and then she suddenly turned on by herself and said something about-"
"The Seed of Life," Rei interrupted as she stepped forward, Ayumu following behind her a second later. The robotic girl had never taken her eyes off Rei during the events that unfolded so she did not move her head nor adjust her line of sight as the halo-less girl approached. Rei noticed, however, that the blue lenses of her eyes expanded and contracted slightly as she refocused. "What is it?"
"Error: Data not found," the black-haired robot spoke for the first time since the arrival of Rin and Ayumu.
"Why do you seek it?" Rei asked again before Rin could speak.
"Error: Mission purpose not found."
Ayumu spoke then, while everyone else took in the robot girl's words.
"How do you know Rei has this thing? This Seed of Life?" The concern in the blonde's voice was tinged with a sharpness that reflected the determination in her green eyes.
"Wide area search results identified target designation: Ayanami Rei. Blood-pattern: Blue. AT-Field: Cannot measure. Seed of Life Designation: Unknown Fruit of Knowledge detected. Retrieve Seed of Life directive: Negated," the blue-eyed robot explained in a mechanical tone. "AL-1S, new designation Aris, awaiting further instructions."
Expressions of bewilderment and confusion arose in the occupants of the room who stood around the pink sofa's occupant…
"I-I didn't understand any of that," Yuzu whimpered softly, and the twins nodded along with her words.
…except for one.
"Blood-pattern: Blue… Me?" Rei whispered in an incredulous tone that once again shattered her emotionless façade. Ayumu looked at her with a worried expression.
"Rei? Are you okay?"
"The others? What is their pattern?" Rei ignored Ayumu's question to once again ply Aris for answers, a hint of desperation creeping into her voice.
"Analyzing. Unable to determine. Further analysis is required. Classifying. Blood-pattern: Orange." Aris stopped speaking then, emitting a strange noise from within, and for a moment it seemed like her explanation was finished, but Rei's next question died on her lips as Aris spoke again after a brief pause.
"AT-Field: Limited personal barrier. Further analysis is required."
Click.
Rei turned to face the younger twin, Midori, and the halo-less girl's voice was cool and emotionless once again as she asked "You were surprised that she had a halo. Why is that?"
"Huh?" Midori was briefly puzzled at being addressed. She quickly composed herself, however, and answered. "Well, only humans have haloes, right? Everyone knows that. Each halo is unique so it's like our soul, I guess? I think we cover the details in biology class next year…"
Halo.
A symbol of divinity.
A symbol of Angels.
A symbol of Humanity.
Human beings created from red clay.
Human beings created from unknown clay.
What is man?
Man is the body. Man is the self.
Man is the soul.
What am I?
I am myself. This object is myself.
The shape that forms my own self.
The vessel of my soul.
A soul that cannot be seen.
A soul that can be seen.
Blood-pattern: Blue.
"I understand now."
All the students felt it then.
A chill that had seeped through cloth, through skin, through bone, into their very core.
A pressure that forced them forced to their knees, robbed them of their breath, and threatened to crush them.
A terror that drove all thought from their heads as they gazed at Rei and the air that shimmered behind her head and took form.
A simple crimson circle with half of a red fig leaf tilted diagonally at the center.
A halo.
"Now I am human," Rei said.
And she smiled.
Lesson 10: End
What did we learn today, class?
Yes, that's correct!
Not everyone has the right facial features for crying cutely.
Join us again next time for Lesson 11: Round Two. We'll have: a letter, videogames, pop culture references, and the arrival of everybody's favorite hero! Also many confused girls, I guess.
Don't be late!
AN: Nov 5, 2023. We finally got to an element I'd been wanting to introduce since Lesson 3, but it kept getting pushed back until an appropriate opportunity arose. Were you shocked? Please let me know your thoughts. I hope to see you again in the next chapter! It's scheduled for Nov. 19 -Kero
