Be Selfish

Chapter 17


When Harry heard the word 'child soldier' he didn't think it applied to Sirius. Or even him come to that. It was words used when children were indoctrinated and given guns and send off to war, to fight a battle not their own. The horrifying realisation that this was exactly what happened to him. He (and everyone else) was given weapons at the age of eleven. He had been indoctrinated, maybe not with threats of violence, but nonetheless it had been done. It made Harry feel sick to his stomach. Yeah, he'd known what was being done was wrong, but to just see it from a different angle was horrifying.

Jerking up out of his seat, Harry wasted no time at all in rushing towards the bathroom. Both hands over his mouth, praying to Merlin he got there in time, before his stomach regurgitated the contents of his stomach. He luckily made it in time, and he was spectacularly sick in the toilet.

Although, Harry almost jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand rest on his back. "Wha…" before he regurgitated more food unable to complete his sentence. The feel of the hand on his back was actually very nice, it calmed him, made him able to focus.

"I know you don't want to think about it that way," Antonin's grumbly voice murmured, somehow being heard around the large bathroom. "It's what you've been taught to be, what a lot of others have been conditioned to be. You managed to break free…if you were ever hooked to begin with. However, some are so conditioned that death is the only way to disconnect from that reality." Sirius Black would have likely refused to believe the truth, and ensconce himself safely where he'd hitched his hippogriff. Even if that came at the expense of his godson. Then again, maybe he would have surprised them all. However, if Azkaban couldn't knock that out of him…it was highly unlikely.

Harry leaned against the toilet, his stomach and chest no longer heaving. "He gave up his family, his family, for what? Some school points? Dumbledore paying special attention to him?" an angry sneer appearing on his face, he loathed Dumbledore and everything he stood for.

He couldn't wait to take him down entirely.

"He's very good at what he does," Antonin murmured, "I dislike him entirely, make no mistake but his ability to manipulate everyone around him…well, it's something to be admired from a cynical standpoint." He'd been doing it for so long, without a shred of evidence until now.

Harry gazed at Antonin with incredulity, before turning back to the toilet. His stomach had begun to calm, sighing softly, "Think of and look at your work as though it was done by an enemy. If you look at it to admire it, you are lost."

Antonin stared at Harry's back, blatantly surprised by the rather philosophical take. He certainly hadn't expected anything like that from Harry. Perhaps there were more things to find out about the younger wizard still. Especially from a self-confessed saboteur of his own making. Perhaps despite his frankly pitiable results, he was a reader of some kind.

"It's a quote by Samuel Butler," Harry told him, shuffling himself to his feet, helped by the toilet and Antonin. Once up, he pressed his back against his, closing his eyes and just existing for a moment without thought.

"And you understand what it means?" Antonin enquired, rather fascinated, he was a massive reader, he understood its meaning.

Harry gargled with water, attempting to remove the taste of acid from his mouth. It failed, but Harry wasn't surprised, it would likely remain there for a while still. "My cousin hated going into the library, he and his friends never thought to look for me there. Not for years anyway, and even if they did, there was always an adult present. He never started anything when there was an adult or authority figure around."

Antonin inclined his head in understanding, watching him closely.

"It basically means that if you let go of your need to take revenge, you're better than the other person." Harry answered Antonin's earlier statement, a rueful grin on his face. "I'd rather have revenge, screw being the better person, what does it get you?"

"It's far easier to be terrified of an enemy you admire," Antonin stated, stepping aside when Harry moved out of the bathroom.

"Too bad you guys don't do mouthwash," Harry sighed dramatically, it would have reduced the acid-taste from his mouth. However, they had no need for such things, they didn't even need to brush their teeth either. Any cavities the healers fix them leaving your teeth like new.

"Mouth…wash?" Antonin echoed, "Why would anyone need to wash out their mouths? There's a spell for that."

Harry burst out laughing, smiling a little bit, honestly, it sounded like something Ron would say, but said in a way that Hermione would. Merlin, it hurt just thinking about them, it was soul wrenching to know they still would put Dumbledore over him. He shouldn't be surprised, well, he wasn't really, didn't mean it wasn't painful. The thought of being on his own again…made him feel very lonely, and he hated that. He'd spent so much time alone in his cupboard or ostracized from the world.

"What? It's true." Antonin replied, as he reclaimed his earlier seat, rather pleased to have elicited a laugh from Harry. It was short, but it was something, he was also pleased by the lack of suspicion directed his way. Admittedly it had been well deserved, but at the end of the day things had changed.

"Yeah, it is," Harry said rolling his eyes, honestly, wizards really should know more about the muggles they deride. If for no other reason than to have a better understanding.

"Best eat up, we're due at Gringotts… in half an hour," Antonin glanced at his pocket watch before answering. "Considering we're dealing with the goblin king, being late would likely be very…unwelcomed." They were a warrior race, yes, but every moment counted, it was money spent etc.

"Only really one year left," Harry commented idly, as he used the serving spoon to scoop up a generous helping of fruit. "Won't take much time." Which was true, Dumbledore had avoided him like he had the plague last year.

Antonin grunted, "They'll still want to know everything they can, they won't tolerate being 'surprised' by anything. It's why of us use wizard lawyers." Nobody liked all the skeletons in their closet being known, let alone by what they viewed as a lesser being. Yet ironically enough, they'd use them to safeguard their money, their estate. Hight of stupidity if you asked him.

Harry nodded, "I never really thought of him that way, you know," he said, twisting his fork around and around, the pineapple piece remaining firmly on it. "About Sirius being a…a child soldier."

Antonin turned back to face Harry, giving him his entire attention. He did note that Harry said nothing of himself, denial or just a bid to distance himself from the victim card he had likely set up for his godfather in a bid to make him…out to be a casualty, a victim where Harry himself was not?

"He wasn't the only one," Antonin pointed out, "There were at least ten 'specially' picked students by Dumbledore the same age as Black. Want to guess their names?"

Harry winced, he could correctly guess at least three…no wait, four of them. Lily and James Potter. Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew.

"Marlene McKinnon was killed two weeks after this picture was taken, got her whole family,' Harry heard Moody's voice in his head. Her too, that was six, Frank and Alice Longbottom were older than his parents, by about four or five years, they'd been fully fledged Aurors before they were killed. Likely ages with Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy he reckoned. "The McKinnon's."

"Twins, Marlene and Malcolm McKinnon, Malcolm didn't join the order, he was smarter than that." Antonin answered, it was a shame, she was a powerful witch, and would have made powerful children.

"Wait, Moody said you killed them all…" Harry blurted out, his breakfast forgotten. "That 'Marlene and her family' were killed, did he just make it look like he died too?" confounded.

"Of course not," he huffed, offended. "We only fought those who fought back. Malcolm and the parents went back to Scotland to stay on Clan grounds. Marlene refused to leave, if I recall correctly, and the Dark Lord would never be suicidal enough to attack a Clan on their own grounds." She'd died fighting, yes, but she hadn't been specifically targeted.

"You knew?" Harry asked dubiously, as he plopped a piece of peach into his mouth.

"You will never believe the amount of information that's traded every night in the pubs. You need never spy on anyone, just sit there long enough and someone will have something to say about the person. Apparently, she got into a right snit for her parents refusing to fight for the 'greater good'. It broke their heart, but apparently the father blamed himself for letting her attend Hogwarts."

"Wait there's other schools in the UK?" Harry asked leaning forward, green eyes gleaming with genuine interest. Absently eating fruit as he listened.

"Nothing like Hogwarts, Chieftains have their own smaller schools for the children of the clans." Antonin explained, "They receive well rounded educations, nothing as pathetic as what's offered at Hogwarts now." Waving his hand lazily.

"You don't find that ironic considering all the Death Eaters sent their children to Hogwarts?" Harry asked bluntly.

"It's more of a tradition now, they are taught everything the parents want them to before the leave for the Hogwarts express." Antonin explained, "Not to mention the tutors they get during the summers. The education has seriously declined, to the point where I know more than a few of them regret allowing their heirs to attend."

"Let me guess, Draco Malfoy?" Harry asked wryly, stabbing the last few pieces of fruit.

"He's very unimpressed despite all the tutors that an apparent Muggle-born student could outperform him consistently in many classes." Antonin replied, having no qualms about revealing anything the elder Malfoy had said to him to Harry. He could barely tolerate Lucius despite being good friends with Abraxas. His friend had utterly spoiled Lucius rotten, and it had created an entitled brat.

His son was even worse.

Harry nodded slowly, "Hermione is very good," at work anyway, sucked at being a friend completely. He couldn't do anything about it, she just didn't seem to learn, any authority figure says something she abides. Even if it means leaving her friends in the dust. She knew how he felt about it yet she'd dare do it again? You can't fix that kind of stupid. "Book smarts, anyway."

Antonin grunted, having no desire to talk about this Hermione whoever she may be. He'd heard enough of Lucius getting on at his brat when the results came in. He'd never been so glad to be able to walk under his own power. To get away from Malfoy Manor, and the constant complaining. He wasn't sure how the Dark Lord put up with it really.

Then again, the Dark Lord had a wand at the time, and could likely put silencing spells up. He had been wandless until he could get one for himself. Everyone who had been transferred from Azkaban to Malfoy Manor had been. It was a vulnerability that he refused to allow to happen again.

He was capable of some wandless magic, but he'd never picked up silencing spells. Even if he had, he'd been too drained, he wouldn't have been able to cast them. Not that he'd complain, he had it far better than any of the others, thank Lori for sticking with him.

Thank the idiot Ministry wizards who didn't consider a House-elf when they imprisoned him. Nobody would get that information from his lips. They'd never find out that House-elves could get in and out of the prison.

Although, the look on Corvus' face when he revealed how he was far healthier than the others, was comical to say the least. Naturally, nobody had thought to use the House-elves to ensure their heirs or family members' comfort.

"Is that all you're going to eat?" Antonin asked, displeased with the amount the young wizard had consumed. It was less than usual, admittedly he perhaps should have held off on showing him the newspaper. Clearly this thing with Black had upset him, more than he expected if he was honest. "Have you at least taken your stomach soother?"

Harry winced, "I forgot, it's still in my room." He just wasn't used to having any help, that even now it was a little odd to have that help.

"Retrieve it at once, we don't have long, you need to eat." Antonin declared, glancing at his pocket watch once more. They only had fifteen minutes left before they would need to leave for the bank. "Lori?" he called out to the House-elf before Harry could stand.

"How can Lori serve Master Dolohov?" referring to Antonin as 'Master' and not Duke, since he was ultimately her master, and the title Duke was just that, a title.

"Retrieve the potions on Harry's bedside, and bring them here," Antonin told the House-elf, a deep frown on his face. Pushing more food towards Harry, as the pop indicated she'd departed, "Eat." He reminded him yet again. He wasn't eating enough to get himself healthy, he needed a very varied diet.

"Thank you, Lori," Harry said, as the house-elf returned with the requested potions. Harry took them both immediately, before drinking some juice to help wash away the taste. Almost immediately, his stomach began to settle, the cramping faded to nothingness. The potions were also bad enough that they made the acidic taste from being sick mean nothing.

The house-elf squeaked before disappearing.

Antonin just shook his head; he was definitely not in the mood to get into it with Harry over house-elves. Not when he was finally starting to eat, even if it was just scrambled egg with bacon cut up into it on a piece of toast. It was better than nothing, and Smirnov said he needed to eat more meat.

"Do you want a rundown on everything reported in the newspaper?" Antonin asked Harry.

"I guess," Harry said, at least then he'd know exactly what to thank the goblins for. He'd only read the front page, not the entire article, but he couldn't imagine having missed much.

"The kiss on sight has been repealed, he's been found innocent…" Antonin begun.

"He was never charged," Harry hissed out, nostrils flaring in supressed rage he'd never let out.

"True, but it's likely they're not going to draw attention to that," Antonin said dryly, before continuing on. "He's on the Order of Merlin 1st class list, his closest relative – you – received his Order of Merlin medal. Pettigrew is wanted, but I'd be very surprised if he's ever found." Being blunt and honest as he so often was.

Harry nodded, "I'm surprise they're not trying to shut me up about that…" he confessed, shuddering a little, recalling just how Fudge had 'shut up' Barty Crouch Junior. No matter what he did, he didn't deserve to spend what ten years or something under the Imperius curse and then die by the Dementors kiss.

Antonin narrowed his gaze, shrewd, "What are you thinking about?" not really expecting an answer.

"Fudge came to Hogwarts with a Dementor, and he actually had Barty Crouch Junior kissed that night just to keep him quiet. He didn't want it known that Voldemort was back. Just you know…disgusted by how far they'd go to keep a situation quiet."

Antonin grunted, as he finished his breakfast.

"I mean how is that any better than Voldemort?" his shoulders hunching, a tiredness exuding from him. he was just so damn tired of fighting, was it wrong that he didn't want to fight? He just wanted to live, Merlin, damn it.

"The Dark Lord wants to better the magical world, to ensure no magical child is left behind, certainly not with filthy muggles." Antonin spat out, just remembering exactly what those muggles had done to Harry.

Harry just gave him a look, clearly not believing that Voldemort would make the magical world a better place. He'd be just as bad, Harry reckoned, or maybe worse, how could you really tell? Who was worse? Fudge or Voldemort? Well, Fudge, he was meant to be the Minister for magic, to do what was right, yet he was no better than Voldemort. Making his own agendas and killing people to keep a secret that was inevitable to get out! I mean bringing a dementor into Hogwarts? It could have done anything. He doubted Fudge could cast a bleeding Patronus.

Antonin raised his hands in a universal gesture of surrender. He wasn't going to try and convince the boy of their goals; he was right to doubt. Without his capacity to doubt, he would be Dumbledore's little boy soldier, doing what he was told without any original thought in that head of his.

With barely any of his magic to spare, bound as it was.

"To Gringotts we go," Antonin stated, waiting until Harry had actually finished everything on his plate. His appetite had definitely awoken after the stomach soother. He stood, and despite his large stature, Harry didn't seem even remotely intimidated. "We're using the Floo."

Harry glanced at the table and the information still sat there.

"It's alright, Lori knows not to touch the documents or newspapers until I give her leave to." Antonin dismissed the worry that the asylum papers for both of them would disappear. If they did get removed from the table, they'd be in his office, nothing was ever thrown out. Lori had been taught better than that.

With that both stepped into the Floo network, Harry pressed himself against Antonin. The fireplace didn't seem all that big when you were inside of it, and he'd really rather not end up accidentally pushed through someone else's fireplace. If such a thing could happen of course. He also liked the feeling of closeness, but he'd never admit to that EVER.

Antonin flung the pinch of Floo powder to the grate and called out their destination. Both of them stepped through into Gringotts gracefully, Harry admittedly, only because Antonin had kept a firm grip of him.

Harry and Floo powder had never mixed.

"Welcome back to Gringotts, follow me." The goblin said, sounding more like a snarl than anything else. If anything, he was likely harried, they were exactly on time, which bordered being impetuous really.

Harry idly noticed he was one of the goblin king guards. He wondered if he felt offended at playing fetch with wizard's he likely thought insignificant. "How's the young one doing?" now knowing he was young; he had figured it out when the potions were mentioned and how he was too young.

The goblin gave him the most baffled look one could possibly adopt.

Harry's jaw dropped, "Please say he made it." Assuming the look one that of bad news about to emerge.

"Prince Ragnok is thriving, Lord Potter," bowing his head in respect, like wizards or not, this particular one had done them a service that had saved their Prince. "Gringotts owe you many thanks." Wizards could barely stand to look at them let alone touch them. To see and hear one asking how one of their own was…was mindboggling for the goblin who had been alive long enough to have gone to war with wizards during the very last goblin war.

Harry let out a breath of relief, glad to hear that. So, they call them Prince's when their father was on the throne then? You certainly don't learn all of that while you were learning about the goblin wars in history. He wondered if it was a title won or if it was inherited, could the son take over from the father? Or would another have to fight their way to the top? There was so much he didn't know still about his own world that it was shameful.

"Where would I be able to get an accurate representation about goblins and their nation? Stuff about royalty and your customs, not the money side of things." Harry said, making a face, he had no desire to trudge through boring math stuff if that's what they'd write.

Antonin put his hands firmly on either side of Harry's shoulders, it showed just how big a difference there was in their height. "The goblins don't trust wizards; they very rarely answer any questions put forth. They certainly don't have books filled with information about their race, not for human eyes anyway."

Harry pouted grumbling petulantly, acting his age likely for the first time in a long time. "That's a shame, I bet a lot of it's fascinating, especially the curse breaking business of it all. Honestly, I was just interested in finding out if goblins royalty was blood bound or if you had to fight for it."

He once again failed to notice the reactions around him, Antonin, however, did not. Instead, he mused on just how easy it was for Harry to gain people's loyalty, with his effortless inclusion. Even he was drawn to Harry, he was much like Tom had been, not that he'd confess as such to either. Both likely would find it utterly distasteful.

"Ah, right on time," Ragnarök said, "Shall we get started where we left off?" gesturing for them to sit, as he slid into his own seat, watching them closely, as the guard told him of the brief conversation Harry had with him in gobbledegook. They both blatantly stared at him making no effort to be secretive of the fact.

"What now?" Harry asked, eyeing them warily, as Antonin just huffed a quiet laugh, and shoved him into a seat.

Bloody teenagers – Antonin.

Bloody Merlin like human 'too damn powerful' teen Lord – King Ragnarök.


A/n – Hey guys! Just to let you know you'll find a lot more updates coming your way now that my hours have changed. Less working hours means more writing hours ;) I've missed writing like you wouldn't believe but needs a must as I've said (sorry if you're reading this twice group folks!) likely every two days again, three maybe if I've got a lot to do on a particular day!

I'm sorry for my absence as of late! I've missed writing so much so I'm looking forward to getting stuck in again! I'm also going to be viewing the schedule and adding stories that aren't actually on the schedule at all (like my Hannibal one) I don't think it's been updated in two years so I'll be giving a chapter or two to the schedule for any of the stories that doesn't have a single mention so it's a bit fairer! Thank you guys and Read and Review please xx

Oh! do you want to see the goblins interrogating Ron, Hermione, Ginny and everyone that was in Harry's life? Or would you prefer just to see the results? I'm easy either way :) although seeing all of it would give you a more rounded understanding but I do get it if you'd prefer to just see Harry and his new life :) xx