Author's note: Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. Took me longer than expected to finish it. I had hoped to have the update for The Dotted Line ready as well, but unfortunately I didn't manage that one. Both my time management and brain clearly suck. For the readers of The Dotted Line, please bear with my sucky time management a little bit longer, I promise that chapter will be out soon!

In the meantime, have finally the next chapter of Never Again!

Thanks to the following reviewers: sasunaru1214; Kaoribirdy81; 666snoopy; Nellana; KitsuneJen; Iraheta 127; SehunsBae37; Kalos; fukafukashita

Warnings: Sasuke talking about his past; some descriptions of blood; past character deaths; angst; vague references to suicide, it's not that explicitly mentioned, but I'm tagging it just in case!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Kishimoto owns it.

I hope you'll like this chapter!


Chapter 4: Laying bare

"It's the twentieth this Friday," Kakashi remarked on a rainy Wednesday morning near the end of September.

"I know, I have a calendar," Sasuke muttered, stirring his coffee just to have something to do.

Of course Kakashi would bring this up again. He did this every year, as if expecting Sasuke's answer to change. He was an optimistic man, Sasuke had to give him that. Too bad optimism wouldn't get him what he wanted in this case.

Kakashi sighed and the chair creaked when he adjusted his position. "Don't you think it would be best if you vis-"

"Nope," Sasuke was quick to cut him off, but of course that didn't deter the older man at all. It never did.

"It might help you," Kakashi said softly.

Sasuke snorted harshly and looked up, staring at the other man, who looked solemnly back at him. "Didn't know you had a degree in psychology as well now," he sneered. "When did you have the time to get that?"

"Sasuke, come on. You haven't been back there since we left," Kakashi implored. "It might give you some closure if you go visit their - "

The screeching of the chair being pushed back echoed sharply through the kitchen and Kakashi shut up, appearing resigned with his fingers curled around his own mug.

"What closure?" Sasuke bit out. "They're dead and the ones who did it are dead too. That's all the closure I'll ever get!"

He strode out of the kitchen and slammed the door shut before Kakashi could attempt to call him back. His heartbeat loud in his ears, he snatched his bag from its spot against the wall, exchanged his house slippers for his shoes and slipped into his jacket, patting his pockets to ensure he had his keys. Another quick check confirmed that everything including his phone and his wallet was in his bag so he walked outside, ignoring the drizzle steadily painting everything wet.

He got into his car, watching how his fingers curled and unfurled around his steering wheel, counting his breaths. Breathe in, one. Breathe out, two. Breathe in, three. Breathe out, four. Breathe in, five. Breathe out, six. Breathe in, seven. Breathe out, eight. Breathe in, nine. Breathe out, ten.

Why couldn't Kakashi just drop it? Why did he have to bring it up every damn year? Sasuke didn't, couldn't go back. What even could he do there? Stare at a stone and the names etched onto it? What good would that do? It wouldn't bring them back. He wouldn't be able to see them, wouldn't be able to talk to them. There was nothing there for him. All visiting that place would do, was make him remember everything he'd lost on that faithful day. And then what? He lived with that loss every day. He went to sleep with it and got up with it. Visiting their graves wouldn't change anything about that.

Yet Kakashi kept bugging him about it every year when the anniversary of their deaths neared. Telling him how it might make him feel better, let him close that chapter of his life. That 'chapter' had been closed the second they'd left his old hometown behind. And what closure? There was no closure to be found when his family was dead and the ones responsible for it had been killed that same night. Leaving him all alone, because he'd been too weak to help.

There was no closure. There would never be any.

When the first drop of rain hit the windshield, he started the car and drove away.


If Sasuke had his way he would simply ignore the twentieth of September by sleeping through it. Just close his eyes and not resurface until the next day started. He wouldn't have to think about it then; he wouldn't have to remember anything he didn't want to remember. When asleep, he wouldn't remember mother's firm hug before she'd sent him off to bed, just three hours before hell would break loose. He wouldn't think of the prank he'd been planning to play on his brother the very next day, falling asleep with an excited grin as he had thought about how Itachi would react to it. He wouldn't recall how pumped up he had felt, ready to show father his perfect test the next morning because father would arrive home too late for him to stay up.

If he could just sleep through the day he wouldn't have to recall the dark, worried look in Itachi's eyes when he had coaxed Sasuke into the wardrobe, urging him to stay quiet. He wouldn't have to remember the yelling and the screams, the smashing of objects and the sound of gunfire. He wouldn't be able to call back the way the female police officer had done her best to shield him from the bloody sights that was his family, but not entirely succeeding. The way the heavy, rusty scent of blood had clung to everything, even long after the blood had been cleaned up.

If he could just sleep away that day, everything would be fine, but he couldn't. He had classes to attend and while he was certain Kakashi would be willing to get a doctor's note to excuse him, he wasn't going to give in. He had managed just fine all those years before, hadn't he? And they always said that time healed all wounds. Was supposed to heal all of them, but truthfully Sasuke didn't really feel like time was doing anything for him, except for making everything worse on certain days.

He did his best to concentrate on his classes like he usually did, but as Friday went on in an agonisingly slow manner, he caught his mind wandering; even the simplest of chalk sounds aggravating his nerves. Girls giggled too loudly, guys were too boisterous and everything was just too much, making him feel like an animal in a cage.

The caged feeling persisted all the way to Naruto's home where he took place at Naruto's desk, attempting to concentrate on his history assignment. Every time he read the first question, the letters danced in front of his eyes, blurry and unclear. Each time he brought his pen to the paper, he stopped, the thought he was chasing down vanishing like smoke in the wind.

Naruto's voice was jarring even when he slowly spoke, "You know, if something's on your mind – you know you can talk to me about it, right?" A page rustled behind Sasuke. "I mean, we're friends, so you know – you can tell me anything."

Sasuke raised his head, staring unseeingly at some pictures Naruto had taped against the wall above his desk. He was aware of those blue eyes trained at the back of his head and he had to stifle the ridiculous urge to hunch his shoulders. Talk to Naruto about what was on his mind? He didn't even talk to Kakashi about it and the older man actually had known his brother. Something ugly bubbled up inside of him and he settled for nodding, a part of him worried that he might unwillingly lash out if he spoke now. For all that he was on edge, wanting this day to be over with already, Naruto didn't deserve to have him lashing out at him when he hadn't done or said anything bad.

The other boy didn't say anything, but the sound of a pen scratching on paper made it clear that Naruto had returned to his homework.

Sasuke went back to staring at his assignment, the inaudible muttering of Naruto's parents downstairs serving as static background noise. As he looking unseeingly at the paper, it started drizzling outside. He glanced out of the window, watching the drizzle gradually turn into a thick sheet of rain. The wind pushed the rain against the window, rhythmic rapid tip-tapping on the roof, as drops of rain collected against the glass pane, turning into small, looping rivers, intersecting with each other before new ones were created.

You know you can talk to me about it, right?

Naruto's offer bounced back and forth in his mind, making him tighten his grip around his pen. Naruto wasn't the first one to have offered such a thing. Kakashi almost had made a sport out of it, reminding Sasuke nearly monthly that he could talk with him if he wanted to. He never wanted to, though, because what was talking going to do? It wouldn't bring them back; it wouldn't change what had happened.

Yet …

Words scratched his throat, wanting to be let out.

Naruto hadn't asked about his family. Several months into their friendship and the blond boy had never attempted to interrogate Sasuke about his family. Their classmates had been nosy from the start, trying to needle information from Sasuke, huffing and pouting when they didn't get what they wanted.

Naruto didn't, however. He had to be curious, had to wonder why Sasuke always stayed over at his place, but never made a mention of having Naruto visit his home. He never asked anything, though. He didn't badger Sasuke about why he didn't mention his parents, didn't ask how his family was like.

That should suit Sasuke just fine, right? The second he had closed the car door and they had departed his old hometown, he had been set on never talking about his family again. Because talking about them meant remembering them, meant being forced to relive the pain of losing them and he didn't want that. If he didn't talk about them, if he didn't remember them, he couldn't hurt. The pain wouldn't get to him, the gaping hole in his chest easy to ignore.

He wanted to talk about them, however. He wanted to remember them how they had been, not how they had ended. But he couldn't start their story without telling their end and he had never told anybody the details. Gaara knew bits and pieces, enough to put together what might have happened to cause Sasuke to be who he was today, but Sasuke had never told anybody else about what had happened that night.

He turned his head, studying Naruto. The other boy was sitting cross-legged in the middle of his bed, his eyebrows drawn together in a concentrated frown as he studied the book in front of him. Blue eyes glided between the book and the papers as he tapped the edge of his pen against his knee. The pen went up then and he started gnawing on it; the furrow between his eyebrows deepening, his lips pursing around the pen.

Could he tell him?

Did he want to tell him?

The chair spun lightly when Sasuke got up and he sat down on the bed before he could rethink his decision. He must have startled Naruto, because his head shot up and blue eyes widened in surprise, the pen loosely resting against his lower lip, shiny with spit and showing the first indentations of his teeth. The pen was discarded on top of the history book as Naruto pushed himself closer against the wall, creating more space for the Alpha.

"Sasuke?" Naruto asked, visibly confused.

"You haven't asked about my family."

The comment surprised the both of them. Naruto stared at him, clearly caught off guard, and Sasuke wasn't faring any better, realising with growing dread what can of worms he had just opened. His chest tightened and his legs tensed, ready to get up and run, but he stayed seated. Because the desire to stay and finally talk about his family was somehow stronger than his desire to leave and wasn't that a realisation that really fucked up his head? What was it about Naruto that had him actually willing to talk about his family in years? Wasn't he making a mistake by doing this?

Naruto rubbing the back of his head awkwardly drew Sasuke out of his troubled thoughts. "Well, I just thought you'd tell me about them when you wanted to. I – got the impression that you don't really like talking about them?" he asked tentatively.

Didn't really like talking about them … Well, that certainly seemed that way, didn't it? It almost made him smile. Almost. The corners of his mouth stilled before they could even turn upwards.

"I … want to tell you about them," Sasuke managed to bring out, but the words felt foreign on his tongue and he swallowed, his mouth tasting like ash. The hand hidden from Naruto's view curled into a loose fist; the material of the blanket uncomfortably warm against his knuckles.

Naruto paused and pursed his lips together. For a moment they were both quiet; the sound of the rain the only noise.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Naruto said carefully; his voice soft.

If he didn't talk about them now, though, when would he ever do it? Eventually Naruto would start questioning why he never met any of Sasuke's family and he would start wondering why he was never invited over to his place. They were friends – Naruto should know about this. He should know why Sasuke was the way he was.

"No, I need to," Sasuke said and shook his head, crossing his legs to steady himself. Because if he didn't talk about them now, he never would and they didn't deserve to be kept in the dark for the rest of his life.

"Okay, I'm listening," Naruto said and quickly collected his papers, handbook and his pencase, shoving them to his pillow so that the space between them was freed up.

He crawled backwards until his back hit the wall and he patted the space next to him; a silent invitation for Sasuke to come closer.

Any other moment would have Sasuke refusing the invitation, because as accepting as Kushina and Minato were about the fact that their Omega son hung out with an Alpha in his room, Sasuke didn't want them to get the wrong impression either if either of them happened to enter the room when they were studying.

Now, however, he gave in and sat closer to Naruto. There was still some space between them, but it was minimal at best and if he concentrated, he thought he could feel Naruto's body heat radiating from him. His citrus scent was layered with both concern and curiosity and when Sasuke inhaled deeply, it settled something within him, enough to make him start talking.

"I lived in another village until I was twelve," he began and kept his eyes trained on the desk, finding it easier than looking at Naruto. He had never told anybody about this and didn't know where to start, but they always said that the beginning was the best way to start, right?

"It's a three hours drive from here. My family was … fairly well off." The understatement of the year probably. "My father was the head of a company and my mother was a housewife. Itachi-niisan was already being taught the tricks of the trade so to speak so that he could take over the company once he was old enough."

He paused, old shreds of pride mixed with envy floating back up as he recalled how jealous he had been that Itachi was already being taught by their father. He had wanted to be like them, he dimly remembered. Doing his best in school every day in an attempt to catch up to his older brother as soon as possible.

"My family was rather well-known in the village we lived in. Nii-san was very popular at school and my parents did a lot of charity. Mother always used to say that seeing as we were so blessed, the least we should do is give something back to the less fortunate."

Every year around Christmas time she would have Sasuke and Itachi help her prepare bags of sweets for the children's ward at the local hospital; a toy accompanying each package. As a kid, Sasuke hadn't really understood why they should have to do that, but it made mother happy and that had been all that had mattered to his kid self. Seeing mother smile so proudly before she would ruffle their hair and tug them into a hug was worth the hours of fiddling with pretty strings to close off the packages.

"Your mother sounds very kind," Naruto murmured.

"Hm, she was always there for me and Itachi. She was an amazing mother." It never had mattered how haggard and tired she had appeared – the moment Sasuke would walk into the house, happy to be back home, she was there, welcoming him with a warm smile and an even warmer embrace, eager to hear about what he had learnt today. She had heard it all before, of course, when Itachi had been younger, but she had never made Sasuke feel lesser than his brother and had listened to him attentively just as she had listened to Itachi.

Even father, who'd always been a bit more standoffish than mother, a bit stiffer and more reticent, hadn't made Sasuke feel like he was merely second choice. He had always been a very busy man, but the moments he had made free for his family, he had been there, ready to listen and even play.

Sasuke was abruptly jarred out of his memories when movement in the corner of his eye captured his attention. Naruto leant forwards slightly, wrapping his arms around his knees and biting on his lip.

"Sasuke … What happened?"

What happened …

He turned around to face Naruto, but when he looked at him, he only saw his brother's ashy face; a thin trail of blood escaping down the corner of his mouth before the policewoman brought him closer against her, shielding him from the sight. Down, down the stairs, to the ground floor where there was a flurry of activity, police officers examining the rooms.

"They were killed."

The words, never spoken aloud before, hung suspended in the air now, heavy between them as blue eyes slowly widened.

"On the twentieth of September, four men broke into our home, wanting to steal everything that was of value." He could do this. If he just kept staring straight ahead, focused on the words and not the memories behind them, he could do this. He could say it and finally be done with it.

"They didn't count on alerting my parents, but they did. While father and mother went down to confront them, nii-san came to my room and told me to hide and keep still," he went on monotonously. Itachi's pale face drifted in front of his eyes; the way he had clamped Sasuke's shoulder. "I had to stay hidden in my closet and I wasn't allowed to come out until he told me it was safe. It didn't want to – we're both Alpha while my mother was an Omega and I felt it was my duty to protect her at the very least."

If he had been able to get to mother, would it have changed anything? Could he have changed the outcome of that night or had it all been set in stone the very minute those men had arrived?

"But Itachi insisted that I had to stay safe while he would help our parents and – I didn't want to disobey him. I never disobeyed him before and Itachi always knew what to do, how to fix things. I trusted him."

Itachi had been like Superman to him: always knowing what to do, always knowing what to say. No matter the situation, no matter what had happened, he had always come up with a solution. Sasuke had trusted him with his life.

Ever since that night he wished he hadn't.

"So I hid in the closet and nii-san went downstairs to help our parents. There was a lot of yelling and things falling on the ground. I wanted to go downstairs, to bring mother to safety even if I couldn't really fight yet, but I had promised nii-san I'd stay put."

How many times throughout these years hadn't he wished he had disobeyed his brother just once? If he had done so, maybe he could have saved mother at least? Perhaps he could have saved all of them somehow, might have come up with something that would have allowed them to escape the house unscathed.

"I don't remember much more about what happened after that," he mumbled and gazed down at his hands. Sometimes, when his dreams got particularly bad, his hands were covered with blood even though in reality he hadn't even come close to either his brother or his parents after they had been killed. "I know some men made it upstairs, because I could hear their voices, but Itachi held them off, kept them away from me."

Something started blocking his throat and no matter how many times he swallowed, it only seemed to grow bigger and his voice was no longer as steady as before when he continued, "When the police came, they found my mother dead in the living room with my father covering her. He'd tried protecting her, but they had killed him first before killing her. Two of the gang were found dead in the room too – they think my father took them out before he died. The other two were found dead in the corridor outside my room; nii-san had killed them."

That had been the only good thing that evening: the bastards had got what had been coming to them. It had also taken away Sasuke's family from him in the process.

"And your brother?" Naruto asked in a small voice.

"He died. They told me he forced himself to live long enough until he was sure I'd be safe."

He stopped talking, the blockage in his throat too big to continue. The back of his eyes pricked and he blinked rapidly, pushing the sting back. He'd lost count of the many nights he'd remained awake, wondering if he could have done something to at least help his older brother. If he had gone out of the closet when the noises had stopped and had opened his door, would he have been able to stop the bleeding before it would have grown too bad? Would he have been able to save his brother's life or had it been a lost cause from the start?

They said Itachi had forced himself to keep hanging on until he'd been certain help had arrived – why hadn't he hold on even longer beyond that point? Could he have fought a little bit longer so that Sasuke wouldn't end up all alone? What even had been the point in protecting him when it meant leaving him completely alone? He would have much rather been there with his brother and mother and father and if that meant having died as well, so be it.

Instead here he was: the sole survivor only because he'd been deemed too weak to help.

"After the funerals, a friend of nii-san took me in and we moved here. I couldn't stand to keep living there," Sasuke added after a long silence, finding his voice once more.

"I – I don't know what to say, Sasuke," Naruto said helplessly, looking distraught. "Nobody should have to go through all that and I'm – I'm so sorry. I know that won't mean much, but I'm … You're so strong, to have kept going despite what happened."

Sasuke chuckled bitterly and shook his head. Strong, as if. "Strong? I'm not strong," he sneered. "Itachi was strong, father was strong – I wasn't strong enough to help them. If I had been strong enough, Itachi wouldn't have had to protect me and he'd still be alive. I'm an Alpha and I couldn't even help protect my mother!"

How couldn't he have been enough to protect his mother at the very least? He should have been out there, helping her or helping brother or doing something that would have given them a chance to survive! Instead he'd huddled in his wardrobe like a complete coward while his family had died one by one.

"You were twelve, Sasuke!" Naruto said horrified. "Nobody expects a twelve year old to protect an adult even if they're an Alpha!"

Sasuke whipped his head around, glaring at the other boy. "Itachi was able to do it when he was twelve and mother was being harassed by a drunkard," he bit out, balling his hands into fists; his nails digging painful grooves into the flesh of his palms. "If I hadn't hidden away, my family – "

"You were doing what your brother told you to do!" Naruto cut him off harshly and suddenly snatched Sasuke's wrists, holding them tightly. "They might have killed you too if they had seen you. Your family wanted to keep you safe; they wanted you to be okay. Nothing what happened that night was your fault."

Nothing what happened that night was your fault.

He wished it was that easy to believe that. How could he believe it, though, when it did feel like it was his fault? How could he believe he wasn't to blame when he spent so many nights wondering if he could have done something different? If perhaps he could have said something else, something that would have made Itachi stay.

He looked away, unable to stand the earnest look in Naruto's eyes. He barely was able to choke out, "It feels like it's my fault, because I was too weak to help them. My brother was always the smarter one, the stronger one, and he should have been the one who survived, not me. If I'd been stronger, he wouldn't have needed to protect me and …"

And then Itachi would still be here. Maybe mother and father would still be here if Sasuke had helped out. But he hadn't. He had stayed hidden away while his family had fought for their lives and now he was here. On his own.

"Sasuke …"

Naruto's hands were warm, like shackles around his wrists and as he gazed down at them, he remembered a time when another pair of hands had held him in just the same way. They had been several shades paler and the owner of them had green eyes instead of sapphire blue eyes, but they had regarded him with the same amount of concern as Naruto was doing now.

"Afterwards – I kept getting into fights," Sasuke admitted softly and the tension abruptly left his body. There was no point in keeping everything hidden. The hardest part was over now. He'd said it. "That's how I met Gaara actually. He'd noticed me a couple of times before and then decided to give me another outlet for the anger I felt. He taught me how to defend myself, how to fight others and incapacitate them and … It helped a bit. He helped. I didn't ever want to be that helpless again, I wanted to know how to protect and – he gave me that." He laughed humourlessly. "He – if it weren't for him, I don't think …"

He trailed off, thinking back to that time, not so long after his family's deaths, of when he'd felt so lost, so hopeless, so full of rage that he hadn't cared about what would happen to him. He would look for fights and he would get them and he would kick and beat the shit out of whoever had taken up his challenge; a part of him hoping that a kick, a punch, a swing would be enough to end it all. To make the pain stop entirely. Make it all go away, so that he would no longer have to deal with the pain of losing his family.

Perhaps if Gaara hadn't found him that day, hadn't decided to step in … Sasuke wasn't sure whether he would still be here now.

The rain was still pouring down, he noted distantly, but Naruto's fingers were still locked around his wrists, grounding him. He didn't feel lighter, not like a lot of those nonsense articles said he would after confessing what had happened in his past, but he didn't feel worse either. The gap in his chest hadn't lessened, but it hadn't widened, and he supposed that was the best he could hope for.

"Why tell me about them?" Naruto's quiet voice broke the silence.

Why tell me when you never told anyone else? was the unspoken question hovering between them.

Wasn't that a good question? He looked at Naruto, at his soft blue eyes and the gentle tilt of his lips, and the answer left him before he could think about it. "Because I trust you."

Four simple words had never felt this significant, this meaningful before, and he watched Naruto's lips part in surprise before the other one looked away; a faint sheen of rose dusting his cheekbones.

Because I trust you.

His own words echoed through his mind and his first instinctive reaction was to deny it, but while he might have been a coward, he wasn't a liar. Somehow, as terrifying as the idea was, Naruto had managed to tear parts down of the walls Sasuke had painstakingly built around himself these past years. The outgoing Omega with his boisterous laugh had managed to do what Sasuke had sworn would never happen again: he'd managed to worm his way into Sasuke's heart and nothing else had ever scared him more than that realisation.

Because having Naruto past his walls, having his as a friend, acknowledging that he trusted him, meant caring about him, meant letting him in into a space that only his family had occupied before. It meant that there was a possibility of getting hurt again and he didn't know whether he was ready for that prospect. He wasn't even sure whether he would be able to handle losing another person ever again.

But didn't that mean he simply had to try his damn hardest to make sure nothing bad would ever happen to Naruto?

So lost was he in his thoughts that Naruto's next unexpected suggestion took him completely off guard.

"You want to stay the night? We can have a sleepover."

What the hell?


AN2: Heavy stuff over for now, onwards to the sleepovers.

Please leave your thoughts behind in a review; should you spot any mistakes, please point them out to me.

I hope to see you all back in the next chapter! Please stay safe and take care of yourselves!

Cuddles

Melissa

P.S. For more information about my upcoming and posted stories, please visit my profile.