Kakashi stared at the closed door with anguish he could no longer hide.

He did it. He told him his darkest, most painful secret. He told him how he became what he was – a monster, perhaps, in Naruto's eyes. A traitor.

A liar.

It did not matter. It wasn't enough. Kakashi covered his red eye with his hand, closing it against his palm. He could still feel Naruto's fury and hurt burning within him, so their bond did not break. He did not know if that should have pleased him or not. Was the bond permanent? Did it require emotion from both sides?

He remembered the first time he felt Naruto's pain through his eye. He was running away from him and from his past, chased by Obito's men.

But that was before he used his blood to heal Naruto. So either Sasuke's book was wrong, or… he glanced at the teen, but Sasuke looked pointedly away, ears flushed red.

Or the order of the events was off. The bond formed before the healing could take place. A precedent to the blood rite… that might not have been a rite at all. Just a demonstration, perhaps, proof of the bond's existence. Consummation.

Did I… start to care for him this early on?

He flinched, hating himself and the recklessness of his heart. Sasuke mentioned other bonds; Naruto asked about pets just to spite him.

It worked surprisingly well. The teen's words etched themselves into his skin, far deeper than Obito's claws could ever hope to reach. Obito… who lost his humanity. Sasuke did not explain how the Senju powers worked – perhaps he did not know – but Kakashi was certain that what he saw, gazing back at him, was a beast.

Naruto, just for a moment, shone like the sun, and the wild, infuriated intelligence was gone.

His voice was gone too, the one promising to rip him to pieces, tear him limb from limb.

His leg still burned from his attempt. Had Naruto not healed him –

He breathed shakily. A part of him hoped that Naruto would, once again, run into his arms and hold on to him, forgive all his mistakes and his lies and –

"Sensei?" Sakura's soft voice broke through his jagged thoughts. She held a bandage and a jar – the same ones he gave her earlier – and grabbed his wrist. "You should sit down," she said quietly. "I can, um, bandage it. Your leg and your neck. And, well." She gestured vaguely at his chest, which was covered, he noticed, in deep claw marks.

He was wounded everywhere.

Shizune will kill me, he thought, dazed, freed his hand, and walked around the girl to his bedroom. He donned a hoodie, ignoring the sharp pain that shot through him and the warmth that indicated he was bleeding again. "It's all right. Tend to Sasuke and yourself first," he muttered as he emerged. "You can sleep on the bed if you want." He walked to his balcony. He hoped his leg could handle what he planned on doing.

"S-sensei?" Sakura cried, following him. "I don't understand – "

"Leave him," muttered Sasuke. "He's going to see Naruto."

"Naruto?! But – "

Kakashi stepped out of the balcony and balanced on the railings. He measured the distance and jumped – clenching his teeth when his left leg blazed in protest – and landed on Naruto's balcony. Softly.

He flinched and straightened with difficulty. His vision faltered, dotted with black spots. He leaned against the railing, steeling himself, and limped inside.

It was easy to find Naruto.

The teen sobbed quietly, hugging his knees against his chest and hiding his face in the crook they created. It was not the first time Kakashi had seen him cry like that. All the other times, however, he approached him as a wolf. Now…

Now he was quite certain Naruto did not want him to approach, no matter the form.

Still, he closed the distance between them, his steps soft and muffled, and crouched near the teen. He lifted his hand hesitantly and, after a long moment of silence broken only by muffled sobs, caressed his hair.

He left puddles of blood everywhere he went.

Naruto's head snapped up. His eyes, bright and betrayed and broken, donned the armor of furious anger. The teen jumped up, reeling away from his touch, and stumbled back as far as he could.

His chest heaved and his face twisted and Kakashi knew that this time, no amount of ramen or driving lessons could fix the teen's misery. He refused to accept the connection between Kakashi and his wolf form, denying it even when every single piece of evidence pointed otherwise…

"I'm sorry," he rasped. "I'm sorry, Naruto. I did not mean – "

"Don't say my name!" the teen snapped, trying and failing to stop his tears. "You lied to me. You promised to stop n' you kept lying. Even that promise was a lie. You had no right," he whispered, wiping his eyes furiously. "You had no fucking right to do what you did."

Kakashi stood up with difficulty. "I told you the truth," he said quietly. "Just… not all of it."

Naruto barked a laugh. "What's the fucking difference." He sneered, trying to blink away his tears. "You stalked me, pretended to be my dog." His voice broke midsentence. "You knew," he choked, "everything."

Kakashi swallowed blood mixed with saliva. "Yes," he admitted. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "If it makes you feel better, I would have found out either way."

"It doesn't," Naruto snapped. "You had no right to pry." His anger helped him control his tears. "Did you… did you do it for a laugh? See how long idiot me – "

"No!" Kakashi snarled. He winced and looked away. "You know why I did it," he said quietly.

"No, I really don't," Naruto seethed; his hands were fists. "I can't think of a single thing that would justify that level of-of snooping around and lying and-and-" Naruto's temper flared with each word uttered until he could no longer speak. "Well?" he stormed. "Say something!" His eyes scanned his hoodie, now properly drenched with blood. "Or did you just come here for my Senju blood?" he spat.

Kakashi hissed and glared at the teen, who flinched in response. "You know I did not," he uttered. "After discovering your powers, I never once used them for my own gain." His chest heaved. Standing up straight became more of a task than he had imagined. But he had to, somehow, convince Naruto to forgive him. He had to.

He did not know what to say. The world started spinning. "I only pretended to be your dog because you asked," he confessed, quiet desperation seeping through his words. "I wanted to leave. I told you to let me go. You asked me to stay."

Naruto stopped breathing.

He walked backward until he stumbled against a wall, eyes wide and –

And he was crying again. Fuck.

Kakashi raked his fingers through his hair again. "I should not have said that. I'm sorry," he murmured.

Naruto huffed. The sound held no joy. "So it's my fucking fault?" Silent tears slid down his cheeks. "I was so fucking pathetic, you became my emotional support animal?"

"No!" He lifted his hand, desperate to reach him –

Naruto smacked his hand away, causing him to lose his balance. "But that's what you meant. You couldn't leave because I couldn't let you go," he accused.

Somehow, he made the situation even worse. Kakashi managed to remain upright by shifting his weight and bumping his shoulder against the wall. The effort – and the landing – pulsed through him – his consciousness flickering and washing away, sinking under waves of sudden, jagged pain –

No. He forced his eyes to open, the world to focus, the blood to stop thundering in his ears.

He thought he saw Naruto reaching for him, his face so pale, mouth parted in anguish…

But when the world focused again, Naruto's fists lay at his sides, white-knuckled and trembling, and his blue eyes, shining and yet shrouded in darkness, did not meet his.

Kakashi took a small step forward. "No," he whispered. "I wanted to help you. You did not trust my human form, so I used the wolf. I never meant… for it to go this far."

He limped closer and stopped when Naruto flinched.

The teen hid his eyes, weeping into his arm. His shaking shoulders, however, betrayed him. "This far…" he mumbled. "What do you mean?"

Kakashi lifted his hand to caress the teen's hair, hesitated, and dropped his hand. He parted his lips, but no words came out, so he hung his head in defeat.

Naruto peered from underneath his arm. His eyes shone so brightly, shattered like a thousand stars. "I asked, what do you mean?" he rasped.

Kakashi did not answer. He watched as the tears slid down Naruto's cheeks and did nothing to stop them. He did not know what to say.

Naruto's eyes widened in dismay and anger and despair. He stepped away from him, his chest heaving again. "That's why I said, you had no right!" he raged. "That-that was private! Those feelings were mine! You had no right – no right to know – you – " His voice broke into a sob.

Kakashi exhaled weakly and covered his eye, trying to stop the pain throbbing through the red. "I would have known either way," he muttered again, his voice quiet and stark. "You weren't exactly subtle."

"But I told my dog," Naruto accused, lower lip trembling. "I told wolf you everything. I trusted you. I…." His voice faltered again. "I thought I could trust you."

His voice was barely a whisper, and yet it tore Kakashi's world asunder.

He flinched as Naruto's words shivered against his skin, cutting him. He looked down. "I know," he whispered. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you." He limped toward the teen. "I just wanted to help you – "

"Why do you care."

Kakashi faltered. He had to balance himself against the wall. "What?" he rasped.

Naruto's eyes flickered over him, drawn to the angry swelling of his ankle and the blood pooling at his feet. "You're just gonna fuck off and leave when the year ends, right?" he mumbled. "Sasuke and I are going to college, bad guy's dead, or… whatever he is right now. So you're gonna Mary Poppins away, right? Go where the winds lead you," he mocked.

His voice held no contempt, however. He looked pale. His eyes were hesitant.

Kakashi sighed. "Of course I care, N-" He froze and looked away. "I promised I'd always be one phone call away. I – "

"No, you didn't," the teen bristled. "You just said you were gonna leave – "

"I promised it to you, after you nearly drowned trying to earn some make-believe wish to get me to stay," Kakashi interrupted, too lightheaded to realize what he said. "Though I understand why you don't remember."

Naruto glared at him, his eyes brimming with tears again. "You were bleeding," he blurted. "To save me."

Kakashi leaned closer to the wall. That jump was too much. He must have opened every wound Naruto's blood had closed. "I tried CPR first," he breathed raggedly. "You weren't breathing, and you had no pulse. I thought." The world began to shift. "I thought you were going to die in my arms."

His knees buckled.

This was embarrassing.

Kakashi dug his fingers into the wall, trying to pull himself up, trying to apologize, trying to… something.

Everything hurt, throbbing and bleeding and heavy. He felt lightheaded and weak and… and warm.

He lay on something hard and yet comforting, something that smelled like copper and sun and salt. Something wet touched his forehead, warm and gentle, and something unyielding held him close. Close to… something. Something just as soft touched his lips.

Something warmer dripped down his throat, flooding his mouth.

Kakashi swallowed instinctively, sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness that enveloped him….

The world slowly stopped spinning. He was on the floor, staring at the ceiling. His head was, however, elevated and held in place by a hand that covered his mouth.

He breathed shakily and closed his eye, trying to muster the strength to get up.

Naruto cradled him against his chest, resisting his efforts. He used his free hand to hold him close and brush away his hair. "I've got you," he whispered. "You're an ass, but I've got you."

Something warm – no, Naruto. Naruto's lips kissed his forehead.

Naruto's other hand covered his mouth. Which meant that it was Naruto's blood sliding down his throat.

Kakashi snapped up, head reeling and spinning, and grabbed Naruto's wrist.

His heart stumbled when he saw the wound – a long, deep cut along his veins.

"You idiot," he hissed, lifted his bloody hoodie, and smeared his blood on Naruto's wound. "Why did you cut yourself like that? Are you trying to kill yourself?"

He pulled on Naruto's hand, checking to see if the wound had fully closed, and Naruto stumbled into his lap.

He leaned his free hand on Kakashi's thigh to stop himself from clashing with his chest. "I was trying to save you, you dick," the teen bristled. "You were bleeding out for an hour n' just putting on a brave face, and I'm the idiot? Fuck you!"

His face was so close to his. His breath shattered against his lips. His lashes glistened from unshed tears.

Naruto pulled his hand free. "All that talk about my blood… you could at least be thankful." He got up, hugging his hand to his chest. He still smelled like misery and blood and stale adrenalin. "Get out."

Kakashi tested his leg as he stood up slowly, but the limb supported his weight. It no longer burned. "N-"

"Don't use my name. I'm still mad at you," the teen snapped. "But now we're even. Get out."

Kakashi noted the way the teen hugged his arm close to his chest. Was it because he touched the limb or because the teen tore it open for his sake?

"Good night, Uzumaki," he muttered. "I'll see you in third."

He walked to the balcony and flung himself to the other side.

He could still feel Naruto's lips, wet and soft against his own, feather-light – and forbidden.


Naruto decided he was done.

He was tired of crying, of hoping, of waiting, of hurting.

He felt like he was losing his mind.

The first night was terrible. He sobbed and punched the walls and tried to contain his rage. He paced and tore the clothes the man gave him – even the flannel pajamas – and hated himself for relying on him for everything.

The man left so much blood behind him that Naruto wondered if he did it intentionally. He scratched his finger, then dipped it into the red liquid, experimenting, and his heart clenched in an odd kind of anguish when the blood shone gold, and the scratch disappeared.

He withdrew his hand, as if burned. Instead, he mopped the blood, stuffed the rags and the torn clothes into a giant plastic bag.

Let the man know he did not rely on him.

He fell asleep on the bed, huddled as far away as he could from the man's apartment.

He did not want him to know if he had nightmares.

And he did. The first night was rough.

That other man – Obito – refused to leave him in peace. His touch lingered, choking him and pulling his hair and breaking his wrist, over and over again. His eye remained, too, burning into his soul.

Naruto woke up twice, crying and covered in sweat, and gave up.

He filled up his tub and sank his head below the water.

He wondered how long he could last.

The man's eye, wide and ardent, flashed through his mind. No. No, kid… please wake up.

Naruto shot up, gasping, and stared at his reflection. He could hear the man's voice echoing through his memories. He remembered his worried face, twisted and tormented, when he sat beside his hospital bed and waited for him to wake up.

Naruto curled, hugging himself, and cried.


He couldn't go back to sleep.

He didn't bother to dry himself before he dressed. He stumbled to the forest, strolling deep into the woods until the indigo sky began to melt and the forest birds, to sing.

He felt, in a way, slightly better.

He found Sasuke's bike and rode them back, then left them next to the bike stand. Although, considering Sasuke's condition, it was unlikely he would soon ride them.

He walked upstairs, eyes red and gaze hollow, packed his stuff, and walked to school. It was too early, but his pace was slow and distracted. Sasuke was right; he was a nerd for going to school when he didn't have to, wasn't he? Naruto swallowed and clenched his teeth. It wasn't like he had anywhere else to go.

And he did not want to see that man ever again.

He sat underneath his favorite tree and watched the sunrise. He did not feel like drawing.

"Hey, who…? Oh. Naruto?" A shadow blocked the sun's shy light. "What are you doing – hey, are you all right?"

Iruka crouched next to him. "Hey, Naruto, what's wrong? Were you here all night?"

Naruto looked up, noted the worried frown, then away. "M'fine," he mumbled.

Iruka blinked and touched his forehead. "Are you sure? Your eyes are red," he said quietly. "Did – "

Naruto flinched and shoved away his hand. "I didn't do drugs," he snapped. "Or drink, or any – "

"I wasn't going to say that," the man interrupted him. His voice was gentle. "You look like you cried."

Naruto scoffed. He drew his knees close to his chest.

Iruka hesitated. "Shall I… shall I get Kakashi – "

"No!" Naruto snapped. He looked up, saw Iruka's shocked face, and looked away. "S'fine," he muttered. "M'fine."

Iruka sighed. "Clearly, you're not," he reprimanded. He sat next to him and took out a thermos and a bento. "Here. It's my homemade sweet tea." He practically shoved the bottle under his nose. "Tell me what's wrong, Naruto. Maybe I can help."

Naruto gritted his teeth. Sensei used to make him hot chocolate every morning –

He accepted Iruka's offer and drank to wash away the memory of the taste. He refused to think about him ever again. Never again.

He could feel Iruka watching him with a grimace. "Is it… school stuff?" he tried to probe. "Is the new teacher mean to you? Maybe one of the old ones?" He waited, probably searching for a reaction. "Did Kiba say something? Because I gave him a stern warning, I'll have you know."

Naruto said nothing. He glared at the grass and tried to convince his brain to stop thinking.

"Is it… girl trouble? Or… um, boy trouble?"

Naruto flinched.

Iruka laughed uncomfortably. "Well, I don't know much about that, but I can listen, if – "

"S'not that," Naruto blurted. "I told you, s'nothing."

Iruka nodded, unconvinced. "Naruto," he asked quietly, hesitating. "Did… did Kakashi, uh, try… anything?"

Naruto said nothing.

Iruka cleared his throat. "Because, you know, it's one thing for a student to have a crush on a teacher, but quite another – "

"No," Naruto interrupted, his voice tense. He hugged his knees. "Was it that obvious?" he mumbled.

Iruka laughed uncomfortably yet again. "Well, yes. You started to show up for classes and earn good grades – which is a good thing!" he added quickly.

Naruto realized, suddenly, that he was glaring. He looked away. "Didn't do that 'cause of him," he muttered. "Had to get my grades up to go to college."

"O-oh!" Iruka blurted, surprised. "Oh. Is it… did you get rejected?" he asked quietly. "It's not the end of the road, you know. There are plenty of colleges – and you can take a gap year – "

"S'not that."

Iruka looked properly lost. "Oh, then…." He looked around, clueless. "You're going to miss high school? Is that it?"

Naruto aimed a side glance at him.

Iruka winced. "Well, it would be easier if you told me," he replied, dejected. "I will miss you," he said suddenly. "I know I wasn't the best teacher, or – well, the person I should have been. I should have been in your corner, not… trying to just be an educator. But, well… for what it's worth, I really am proud of you."

Naruto didn't move. He couldn't breathe. He blinked furiously and bit his tongue and tried to will the sudden tightness of his throat to go away.

Iruka clasped Naruto's shoulder awkwardly. "Well, um, if you want to talk – "

"You can stay," Naruto mumbled. "N'… I dunno. Tell me stuff."

His voice was too thick for his liking, so he took another sip from Iruka's tea and clenched his fists.

Iruka coughed. "Oh, well, all right." He pushed his bento toward Naruto. "Well.…"

Iruka babbled on, talking about things Naruto could not care less about, but his voice was soothing. It was kind and gentle and quiet, and it drowned his endless thoughts.

Naruto ate Iruka's onigiri and thought that they were not half as good as –

Fuck.


Kakashi watched Naruto walk to school.

His hunched back and heavy steps told him all he needed to know; not that he expected anything else, but a part of him hoped…

A fool's hope. Kakashi stumbled to the kitchen and returned the instant hot chocolate to the cupboard. He retrieved three cups; prepared coffee. It was almost the same.

He still needed to make breakfast and bento for three, check on Sasuke, retrieve his dogs from Gai, call Jiryia to see if there was anything else he was needed for; and pack.

He couldn't wait to leave. Staying felt almost unnatural.

The soft shuffling of bare feet alerted him to the presence of another. "Morning," he said quietly, faking a small smile as he approached Sasuke with one of the cups. "How are you feeling?"

Sasuke glared at him; though he glared so often, it was no longer the effective masking technique the teen thought it was. Still, he accepted the mug, gripping it a bit too tightly. "Fine," he gritted his teeth. "Your bed sucks."

He was in pain. "Oh?" Kakashi hmmed as he retrieved the first aid kit from the living room. "I'll take your word for it." He dared a small smile as he prepared a shot. "Relax your arm." Sasuke clenched his teeth and did his best not to flinch when Kakashi guided the needle underneath his skin. "I'll excuse your absence," he added. "You should rest."

Sasuke scoffed. "Like I give a fuck." He pointedly looked away. "When are you leaving."

Kakashi blinked suddenly as a memory of blue eyes, broken and brittle –

"The day school ends," he said as casually as he could. "Unless I find a reason to move beforehand."

Sasuke gave a jerky nod. He opened his mouth, then pursed his lips and glowered at Naruto's potted plant instead.

Right. Kakashi sighed and sat across from the teen. He sipped from his mug. "Want to talk about it?" he asked quietly.

Sasuke flinched. He turned awkwardly in his chair, glancing to check the door to Kakashi's bedroom was still closed, then turned to face him again. "I killed. Yesterday."

"I know." He scrutinized the teen sitting in front of him, noting the jumpiness that tensed his body, the rigidness of his guilt, and the way his eyes kept flickering up to meet his before darting away.

Right. Kakashi lifted his hand and brushed the teen's hair, then slowly guided their heads together. Forehead to forehead, he held Sasuke's gaze. "I am sorry, Sasuke, I exposed you to this world. And for being too weak to protect you – "

"Are you really that fucking stupid?!" Sasuke gripped his hair and pulled him closer as he pushed his forehead against his. "We saved your life, you dumb fuck! I had to do it," he blurted. "And it wasn't just for Naruto, I – "

"I know," Kakashi whispered, watching Sasuke's eyes widen with panic and boiling anger, raw and fragile as the desperation hiding underneath. "I didn't want you to be there, but I am grateful you were. I consider you part of my pack, Sasuke," he added. "Have for some time."

Because he recognized the desperation in Sasuke's eyes. He recognized that tightly wound, tightly bound fear that could not be tolerated, could not be endured, too humiliating to admit and too pathetic to face. Had to be suppressed.

He saw the same desperation lying in wait in his own eyes; that was one of the reasons he stopped looking.

Sasuke blinked furiously, refusing to break eye contact and refusing to cry. His punishing hold of Kakashi's hair eased. "Meaning what," he hissed.

Kakashi managed another smile, as soft as the one before. "Well, they are the closest thing I have to a family."

Sasuke broke away. He wiped his eyes. "Liar. Sakura told me you have a mom."

Kakashi hmmed. "She doesn't know," he said quietly. He got up and returned to the kitchen. "I'll make breakfast. Specific requests?"

"Morning!" Sakura joined them, stretching. "How are you feeling?" She ran to Sasuke's side and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.

Kakashi had to suppress a twitch of his brow as Sasuke turned completely red, cheeks, ears, and neck included. The teen directed a glare at him, more pointed than the one before, so he turned his back to give them privacy.

A small smile, jagged and uneven, cut through his blank expression. At least Sasuke –

Sakura jumped from her seat. "Oh! You're making breakfast! Let me help!" The teen ran to join him and grabbed the fish from his hands. She smiled brightly. "Sasuke likes them in a particular way, so let me make them, kay?"

Kakashi nodded.

He felt Sakura gazing at him, lips pursed, and then giggling as she looked away. Her bright smile, which she shared with Sasuke, had a knowing tinge.

Kakashi's blood ran cold. He missed something. He messed up. He wasn't sure what gave him away (or what was given away, for that matter), but he knew something –

"And how are you feeling, ka-ka-shi-sen-sei?" Sakura asked innocently, stretching his name teasingly.

How was he feeling? He was –

Healed.

The realization felt like a blade cutting him in half. Sakura thought Naruto forgave him. She thought everything was back to normal. She thought –

Kakashi swallowed through the sudden tightening of his throat. "I am well," he managed, then cocked his brow. "Better than you, it seems," he added dryly, noting the crooked cut along the fish's belly.

Sakura's cheeks blushed red as she pursed her lips and focused on her fish, distracted.

'What are you going to do about Naruto.'

Kakashi didn't answer.

Sasuke scoffed. 'You can't avoid him forever.'

Kakashi thought about it. The world was pretty big, and Naruto was rather loud. Avoiding him forever seemed easy enough. He broke six eggs into a bowl and began to whisk them.

Sasuke slammed his mug against the counter. 'You can't avoid the bond either,' he snapped.

Kakashi washed rice in a separate bowl. His hands didn't jerk. His body didn't betray him. He stilled himself, then asked, 'Can it be undone?'

His mouth was dry. His heart raced, shattering with each beat against his ribcage. His fingers dug into the rice instead of sifting through it. He waited.

The scent of black fire, of ashes and smoke, rose in the back of his mind. 'Your suffering will be your own doing,' Sasuke stated, anger flickering through his voice as fire would through dry weeds, 'no matter which one you choose to kill.'

Kakashi froze. Was the bond permanent? Would the small awareness in the back of his mind never go away? The part that used to hum with warmth and sunshine, that breathed in a breeze blooming with summer and the scent of the ocean, now felt like a hurricane. Whenever he approached, a whiplash of fury and hurt cut through him, leaving him tattered and torn but still tethered. Even if the only thing he could hold on to was a storm, it was better than nothing.

Nothingness was what he had before. It was silent.

Kakashi didn't miss the nothingness. It was corrosive and patient; it smothered sound and hushed light; it erased memories and footsteps; it erected a wall of fog between him and others around him.

It was lonely.

"Oh!" Sakura realized. "I forgot to change the sheets! I-"

"Don't worry about it," he muttered automatically, then aimed a fake smile at the teen. "I'll do that later."

Sakura hmmed. "Yeah, okay. You really should change your sheets more often, Sensei," she pointed out as she fried the fish. "Your bed was really dusty!"

Right. The bed. Sasuke also said something about the bed.

"By the way, shouldn't we call Naruto? I bet he'd hate to miss breakfast… Sensei?"

Kakashi walked to his bathroom. "Start eating without me," he said casually.

"Bu – "

"Don't worry," he said, smiling at the teen as he made his escape. "Showering shouldn't take long."

Kakashi closed the door behind him.

He turned on the water.

He stripped.

The pain in the back of his mind suddenly spasmed, rising in waves that were suppressed at times and unstoppable at others, flooding and retreating and slamming into him again and again –

Kakashi swallowed a painkiller and entered the shower, letting the frozen water leave punishing trails down his body. Gazing at his reflection, he found nothing to be admired, nothing worthy of touch, nothing worth drawing over and over and over again, and yet…

Kakashi closed his eyes, surrendered to the cold spreading through his veins, held on to the pain, and dared to hope.


Notes:


Well, the day after a breakup sucks, especially when you can't avoid your ex so… yep.

It was exciting (and challenging) to write the conversation between Sasuke and Kakashi. I wanted them to feel like they were brothers, like this was a twisted, traumatized version of the sibling connection Kakashi tried to establish with Naruto (and failed miserably).

I really wanted to write something that would demonstrate their growing connection (albeit kinda behind the scenes), and I had this scene but I kinda scrapped it because I felt it missed something… and then riversmoon416 gave me the perfect idea! Have Sasuke talk with Kakashi about his first kill!

I think Sasuke and Kakashi are rather taciturn (when they aren't threatening/making fun of each other), so I felt like it's more about how they talk about something rather than what was actually said. I hope it landed – tell me what you guys think!

As for the redemption for Iruka – I know I was kinda hard on him in the beginning (cuz I can't forgive him for calling Naruto stupid in front of the entire class). However, I figured that he still cares about his students' safety no matter what, so I wanted to give him a nice moment with Naruto.

And finally – Naruto transformed into his glowing sage mode, and Obito will not return. What I was going for – and will probably not write because it's just lore – is that the Senjo can connect an Uchiha to a beast and that the transformation is kinda like switching bodies, but that's it. What Naruto did was sever that connection when Obito was inside the beast, so now Obito's consciousness is trapped inside a wolf. IDK if he'll ever find or even remember his humanity again because he isn't coming back, so y'all can do whatever you want with that information.

As for whether the bond is actually permanent… I'm on the fence TBH. I like the idea of the bond representing love; one can grow out of love, so there is no reason one shouldn't be unable to outgrow the bond. I like it even more when it implies Sasuke lied to Kakashi to fuck with him (JK to get him to stay with Naruto). But I'll admit I'm a sucker for a soul bond, now and forever kinda thing. I'm not going to bring this up again, so y'all can decide whether you prefer Sasuke manipulating Kakashi or Kakashi and Naruto being soul mates.

(the problem with not using a beta)

Well, yep, that's it for today! What did you guys think? Please let me know! Your reviews make my day 3