Raven then nudged him, "Let's go back now." And he followed her lead quietly, thinking how fortunate he was to meet her. How it was still rather unbelievable that he got the girl, him- Damian Wayne, getting the girl.
Damian placed an arm over Raven's shoulder and she glanced up at him and she almost stopped in her tracks.
She looked away quickly as if she had seen something she wasn't supposed to. It was so clear that he loved her so much, and then the doubt she had forgotten since he arrived- came back again. But that was the thing, why did she ever doubt his love for her? It was so clear he loved her.
Then why are there days where it was so hard to believe he did?
Damian didn't notice the conflict that consumed Raven as he was focused on the love he had for her, the love she had for him.
Before they knew it they were back at their apartment. Titus recognized Damian instantly and ran towards him.
"Why don't I put away the bags." Raven suggested as she smiled at Damian and Titus extended her hand to accept the shopping bags that Damian was carrying. Damian and Titus hugged each other and rubbed noses and she found it amusing to see them so affectionate towards one another. She wondered if she and Damian looked even more affectionate when they were together.
For a moment Raven's thoughts drifted, it must be odd to compare her and Damian's relationship to Titus and Damian's.
"Hello, Titus." He greeted the great dane as he chuckled and they played a little bit as Raven entered their bedroom and placed the shopping bags on the floor by the foot of their bed. After she rummaged through a bag, pulling out her new phone.
"I'm going to take a shower." Damian said after patting Titus. He entered the bedroom seeing Raven peeling the plastic off the boxed phone. He placed his phone and keys on his desk at the corner of the room before entering their bathroom.
"Alright, I will be setting up my phone then." Raven replied sitting on the bed as she opened the box carefully.
When Damian came out of the shower, he saw Raven was lying on the bed belly down facing the wall. She had changed into a big tee shirt that was his and with her butt cheeks poking out from her underwear as his shirt rode up to her mid bottom.
"How is it?" Damian asked, a towel over his waist as he sat on the bed for a moment and glanced at her phone while pulling her shirt down.
"Hmm, alright," She mumbled and then turned to him when she smelled his scent and his touch that brushed the curve of her butt. Her face reddened noticing his bare chest, she cleared her throat and showed Damian her phone screen. "Well, this is Liam."
"I see." He mumbled and stuck his hand out and Raven gave him her phone. "I'm just gonna send this to Pennyworth, if you don't mind."
Raven chuckled as she laid on her back, "Not at all." She observed him clicking at her new phone as Raven propped herself up on the bed.
"What exactly happened to your old phone?" Damian asked as he looked up from the screen for a moment.
Raven paused and then placed a hand on his thigh, "Knocked it off the bedside table when I woke up." Her voice was cautious.
Damian stared at her with a raised brow but she smiled at him sincerely.
"Did you have a nightmare?" He asked and Raven froze, she never told him she had nightmares. She licked her lips and pressed them tightly which Damian noticed and she sat up from the bed looking guilty.
"How long have you been having nightmares?" He put down the phone to look at her seriously.
"Just recently," She lied straight into his eyes looking as sincere as she could muster and Damian believed her.
He sighed and cupped her cheek and with sad eyes spoke, "Thank you for telling me." Raven inhaled sharply.
"I just didn't want to worry you." She said honestly.
"You have no idea- I always worry about you." His gaze was sad and Raven could feel it as if she didn't block her empathic ability.
She gazed at him feeling worried, her hand on his lap gently caressed him. She watched him chew his lips, he was never the nervous type, but before her he could be. He showed her so many sides of him that no one ever saw, and yet- why couldn't she show him hers?
The guilt inside Raven seemed to have been stirred awake again.
"Let me just put my number in and I will change, while we wait for Pennyworth's response." Damian said and handed back her phone after inputting his number. He walked towards their closet and changed while Raven laid back on the bed propping her head in her hand as she watched him.
He stole a glance at her and they shared a little smile at each other. She quietly observed his muscles as he changed. He was bare, in more ways than one.
Damian Wayne who was very closed off- was open to her- so much so, that he was comfortable to be so vulnerable to her physically. He was trained to be an assassin, even in casual outings when they were younger, his body language showed how prepared he was for a fight. There was no part of his body that knew how to relax and be unguarded. And yet, here he was years later, completely naked in front of her, putting on the most basic clothing on his body, his muscles so very relaxed.
Raven's violet eyes watched as he lifted his legs to put his boxers on. Damian was aware of her gaze but focused very hard not to be stirred by it. He cleared his throat as he angled himself in a way that she could not see his genitals. He worried that it would make him too aroused. He willed himself to be completely neutral and relaxed.
"Were you hurt?" She asked him and he turned to her as he placed his shirt on.
"No." He shook his head. His phone rang and he looked at her. "I guess that is the result." He vaguely smiled at her and went to where he left his phone on the desk and checked his message. Walking across the room to check on his phone helped him calm his growing desires.
"Well, it isn't Pennyworth." He said as he went to her and she smiled at him. He settled on the bed and leaned on the bed frame arms wide and Raven scooted over to cuddle him.
"Well, this is Liam." She said again as she scrolled through his socials with her new phone. Damian glanced at the pictures and snorted at a picture of Liam shirtless at the gym.
"How was his fighting skills again?" Damian's voice rumbled through Raven's eardrum and she smiled slyly as she playfully hit him.
"Not as good as you for sure." She said as she looked up and he smiled.
They surfed through his socials, Damian's phone ringing every now and then. He would glance at his phone for a second making sure his screen was tilted so that Raven couldn't see and simply turned the screen off. And since Damian was not paying heed to his phone, Raven tried her best to do the same.
And then suddenly, "Why don't you go out and make friends with Liam." Damian suggested and Raven stared at him with a slight tilt to her head. He was looking at his phone with a serious expression and then glanced at her. "He doesn't have any criminal records."
Raven looked at him with slightly opened lips, "Why-"
"Raven, I-" Damian gazed down at her guiltily and she sat up facing him, the question on her lips forgotten. "I actually came straight to you after the mission, I have to go back." He closed his eyes tightly as he looked away from her and placed his phone down.
She blinked at him startled by this information not knowing how to respond. It made sense why his phone kept ringing, it was probably his family telling him to return. But the recent one, the recent message must have been what he was waiting for, confirmation that Liam wasn't a bad person.
"I need to be debriefed- we have to have a meeting. I just-" He sat up and brushed her cheek with his thumb. "I had to see you were okay because I left so suddenly and I'm glad you're alright."
She looked at him confusedly, "Does that mean you're not staying here tonight?" The words felt heavy for Raven, in fact, she felt like it was a stupid question.
He avoided her eyes, "I left immediately without being debriefed- my family understands, but I have to go back."
Raven nodded and touched his arm and he looked at her. "I totally understand." She smiled at him.
He sighed, "I can stay a little bit longer before I go."
Her eyes lit up on the words and she scooted over to hug him and she rubbed her head against his shoulder. He squeezed her and sighed.
"But you have to go, they have been trying to contact you for a while now." She cupped both his cheeks. "I will be right here."
Damian leaned on her forehead and sighed, he didn't want to go, he never wanted to leave her like this almost every single time.
"I was a hero too, I understand what we are trying to defend." She quietly said, the words heavy and hard to stomach. He kissed her forehead with closed eyes and pulled away. Damian looked at her like he didn't want to leave because he really didn't want to, but he had to.
"I'll see you." He said and Raven noticed how he didn't even say tomorrow, clearly indicating that he wasn't even sure if he would be there tomorrow.
"Alright." She replied vacantly and he pulled away with an aching heart.
"I'll make plans with Liam if you don't mind." She said as she sunk on the bed watching him stand up from the bed. He walked towards the closet and put on a pair of jeans.
"That'll be great, I really want you to have friends in Gotham." He replied, glancing at Raven and then back to their closet to grab a pair of shoes. He sat on the bed as he laced his combat boots. Who would have thought he would wear such a thing casually, but they were practical.
"I'll see you." She whispered a hand on his thigh and he turned and he smiled at her quietly. He leaned closer to her and cupped her cheek and then kissed her.
For a few minutes they were just locking lips, their body one. Their hands wanted to hold one another tightly and yet, they were holding back. One of them pulled away from the other, it didn't matter who, tonight they could not be together.
"Titus," Damian called out as he stood up and walked out of their bedroom and Raven followed, stopping by the bedroom's door sill. "You take care of Raven alright?"
Titus barked as if agreeing and Raven smiled at the sight of Damian rubbing Titus' head. Damian turned to look at Raven, their eyes locked at one another, neither wanting to say another goodbye. He approached her to kiss her on the lips and he silently left, looking at her one last time before disappearing through the hallway.
The instant Damian was out of sight, Raven's contented countenance was gone. She looked at the empty apartment like she was disgusted by the space and she walked to her bed and flopped on it belly down, almost annoyed. She flipped on her back and stared at the ceiling, thinking of her day.
She had so much fun, it was undeniable, in fact a lot of things happened today. And yet the instant Damian arrived, it was like the cherry on top of a sundae, and then when he was gone- it was like a sudden rainstorm that came out of nowhere when it was clearly a sunny and bright day.
Damian seemed to have that kind of effect on her, but still she loved him. And yet, there were days that it sounded as if she was convincing herself that she does indeed love him. She wondered why that was so.
Titus trudged to the bedroom and jumped onto the bed. Raven turned to Titus and tried to smile, but found she couldn't, instead she reached out and patted his head. Titus then laid his head on her belly.
Raven knew she loved Damian, it was undeniable, it hasn't changed after five years.
And then she remembered what she had to do. She wanted to talk to him. An honest talk with her boyfriend.
In all honesty, Raven almost forgot about Damian's birthday, she didn't even know why. He had been planning this party for months. He wanted her there to show that he indeed has someone in his life and that he wasn't just telling the journalist about a fictional girlfriend. He had taken care of the details to ensure that even though she will be revealed formally, her identity will be kept out of the newspaper and tabloids.
And yet, she almost forgot. It passed her mind- time seemed to pass too fluidly and quickly for her. But when she was with Damian her thoughts and worries disappeared and time would resume it's normal pace. And yet, she feels so tired whenever he leaves to let her remember how unhappy she really is.
Raven was unconsciously rubbing Titus' head, in the hopes that it would make her feel better, but her mind drifted to things she did not want to acknowledge and face. And so, she forced herself out of her mopping and found her brand new phone. She flicked her wrist and the tissue with Liam's number floated out of her bag and towards her with a purple black glow.
"Damian said I can go make friends." Raven mumbled as if trying to convince Titus. She placed her free hand out, putting a halt on her caresses on Titus. The paper landed gently on her palm and she dialed the number on the other phone, and sent a text.
Raven: Hey, Liam, this Raven.
Liam: Guess, your boyfriend came just at the right time? Haha. Good to hear from you, hope you enjoyed your shopping trip.
Raven felt a pang on her chest, if she had waited a little bit longer then maybe she would have actually been shopping for her new phone with Damian, just as she had planned. But she didn't wait, she was tired of waiting, and then fate decided to stab her on the back.
Raven: Yeah, he came back a couple hours ago to surprise me.
It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't entirely the truth. Damian had come from his mission, went to the apartment to see it empty just to see a note from her saying that she was at Metropolis to meet Jon. What did Damian feel when that was what welcomed him home?
How frightened was he to see an empty apartment?
Raven felt like the water burning her eyes, was he even scared of seeing an empty apartment?
What did he feel reading her letter?
Raven found that the water pooling in her eyes, slipped down her cheeks. She touched her wet cheek and looked at the tears.
She was crying, unsure as to why.
Her phone rang.
Liam: Well, what's up?
Raven stared at his text with a heavy heart. Titus tried to rub his head against her shoulder but she turned to her side away from him. Rereading the message again, and closed her eyes tightly. Damian said he would love it if she made friends in Gotham.
Raven: Are you free tomorrow?
Liam: Actually, yeah, I am, what do you have in mind?
Raven: Well, I am more into museums and the likes, I've only ever gone to one here, so if you have any suggestion, could we try and check some out tomorrow?
Liam: Well, as it so just happens, I am very much free tomorrow. I can prepare a little list of where we could go for a full day of adventure, so I can give you a decent tour of Gotham.
Raven smiled at his message, and they chatted as she also sent a message to the McCoy's informing them that she has gotten a new phone. Raven's evening was spent talking to Liam and the McCoy kids and for the hours that passed as she talked to them, she forgot how upset she was over herself, her boyfriend- or simply put, her life.
What exactly was she upset about? When it was clear that she was surrounded by people she loved and loved her back. And yet, that darkness within her that has festered for a while was just simply taking a nap.
When the flash of happiness passes, she will come to be surrounded by the darkness again, and then the doubts will sink in and she will forget she was ever happy. That was a cycle she couldn't escape.
Liam: Alright, I have a whole day itinerary ready, we don't actually have to go to all these places if you don't want to.
Raven smiled and talked about where they would meet as she chatted with the kids for a few more minutes. And suddenly she got a text from Jon.
Jon: I want what's best for you and Damian.
It was sudden, unexpected- almost quite random, but the beating in her chest that came after reading the text was familiar, almost akin to fear and her insecurities that consumed her frequently. She didn't know how to reply, she felt exposed and bare, and she laid there unresponsive but looking ashen for minutes after minutes.
Raven had gone through different responses to Jon's message and scrapped every single one. She had lost interest in chatting with Liam, Catherine and Arthur, she had told them her good nights but continued to stare at Jon's message.
Raven: I know. I told him about the nightmares.
Raven finally replied, it wasn't a lie but it also wasn't the truth. When did she become so good at telling half truths?
Jon: And what did he say?
Her heart felt like it was beating too loudly in her ears.
Raven: He had to leave because he didn't get debriefed before coming to see me. When he returns we will properly discuss the matter.
Raven's violet eyes watched the status of Jon typing a reply and disappearing three times over before getting a reply. And in that span, she realized how Damian and her glossed over her little nightmare predicament so easily.
In fact, that's what she preferred- Damian to think her recent nightmare was just a fluke.
Jon: He normally wouldn't leave without getting debriefed.
Jon was right about this, it was something that unsettled Raven and she remembered what he told her.
Raven: He is always worrying about me.
Jon: He does.
Raven stared at the reply and held onto the memory of Damian confessing to her this fact. She equally worries about him too. She stared at Jon's reply a bit longer before telling him goodnight. When Jon replied goodnight back, she suddenly burst into tears.
She was never this person before. Who exactly was she?
