A/N: My offering for Jackie's challenge. I'll admit I'm cheating a bit, using this challenge as an excuse to write another Taylor Swift-inspired tale, but you can't blame me. T-Swift released Taylor's Version of 1989, and the traces from the vault were made for Harm and Mac. The Autumn part will come in the third chapter :)

The Fall

Chapter 1: Say Don't Go

"Come to me."

"You know the reason."

"Come to me."

His words run through my mind in an endless loop as I drive away from the airport. I feel raw, exposed. Confused even. I asked him for a better reason to go to his place to talk, and all he would say was, "You know the reason."

Do I? Do I really?

Mic couldn't get past this thing with us, and Harm…he said maybe that's because we can't get past it.

Is he telling me he loves me?

Do I love him?

Is that the reason I'm driving to him in this wretched rain, driving too fast?

I'm waiting.

Those last words, spoken to me before I hung up my phone, were rife with anticipation, his voice low, a longing timbre that made my heart thump heavily in my chest. Even now, it beats irregularly with my own anticipation and yes, fear.

"You know the reason."

Oh, god, I do. I do know the reason.

I love him.

And I know he loves me.


No. No, no, no, no, no.

This can't be happening.

He's turning me away.

I hear myself telling him not to call me when he lands in Minneapolis, not to take his focus from René. She needs him now more than I do. He asks, "What about you?"

"I'll be okay." And I will. I always am. My chest may hurt, my blood might be pounding in my ears, but I'll be all right. Deep down, I think I knew this would happen.

I was stupid. Stupid to think he loved me too. I turn to leave, but I can't resist a glance over my shoulder. He's still watching me, and the regret on his face is obvious. He regrets ever inviting me here.

No. That's not right. He can't leave René now. She does need him. He wouldn't be the man I know him to be if he left her now.

I flash him the slightest of smiles and turn away, doing my best to keep my shoulders straight, my head held high. My ears wait for the sound of his door closing, but it never comes. I pause halfway down the hall, wondering if he'll call out to me. I know what I want him to say.

Say don't go.

Don't leave.

I love you.

I wait, terrified to turn around, but I do anyway.

He closes the door.


I make down the stairs and step out into the night. The rain has picked up, and it's cold. It's usually warmer here in May, but this is more fitting, I think. It's better this way. I'm bleeding, bleeding, and maybe the iciness of the night will numb the pain and stop the flow before it kills me. My heart begs for this, even as my brain tells me I'm being over dramatic. I remind myself about René, her loss. I remind myself that he wouldn't be my Harm if he abandoned her but, my god, why do I feel like he led me on? Why do I feel like I've been stabbed, first by Mic, then by him, and now he's just twisting the knife?

I want to cry, to wail as I turn back and look up at his apartment. I see him pull René into his arms and I could vomit right here. The rain is soaking through my uniform; I'm shivering, and I know I should get in my car and drive away, but I can't. He's holding her, not me, and the masochist in me can't look away. I remember how he whispered in my ear, "You know the reason." I remember how his words sustained me as I drove to him in the dark, and now he just leaves me here in the night.

"You know the reason."

I thought I did. I was sure I did, but now I'm just standing on the sidewalk, wanting to scream up at him, wanting him to disappear from his window to run after me. To say, "Don't go." Lost in my misery, I've missed the fact that he has disappeared from the window.

I need to go.

I whip around and take the last few steps to my car. My hand reaches for the door, and then I hear it.

"Mac."

I slowly turn.

Harm is there, his hair already soaked and sticking to his forehead. He's breathing heavily, and I can see he stupidly left his cane behind.

"What…why…" I stutter.

"Don't go."


"Don't go."

Don't go.

Harm is here in front of me, shivering in the rain with me, and then I'm in his arms. His lips find mine as he crushes me against him, and our kiss is full of passion, desperation. He has one hand on my back, the other in my hair as his tongue plunders the depths of my mouth. My cover falls as I run my hands up his chest to his shoulders, to the back of head, where my fingers thread through his wet hair as I pull him closer to me. We kiss as if we are starving, as if the only food that will sustain us can be found in the touch of our lips, the caresses of our tongues. We kiss as if the mingling of our breaths is the only thing that will keep us alive.

I never want it to end.

"Maaac," he breathes into me. "Maaac."

I don't know why, but the sound of my name on his lips wakes me up from my dream. Indeed, I wonder if this is, in fact a dream, but as I pull away from our kiss, I still feel his arms around me, still feel the heaving of his chest against mine.

"You have to go," I whisper.

"I know," he nods.

"I'll call you after I land," he says, the second time I've heard those words from him tonight, and I shake my head.

"No. No. Don't do that to her. Please, Harm." My hands move to cup his face. "Don't do that. Just come to me. Come to me when you get back, okay?"

His eyes are suspiciously wet as he quietly agrees. "Okay."

I pull away from him, but before I can take a step, he pulls me back to press his lips briefly against mine. He traces my cheek with his fingers, then lets me go. I slide into my car, but he stops me before I can close the door.

"I'll come to you, Mac. I promise."

I smile gently up at him. "I'll be waiting."

With a smile of his own, he nods. He runs back into his building, and I drive off into the night.


End Chapter 1