Lovesick Girl
Chapter 10: One Last Cup of Warmth
Wednesday, September 11, 2013 AF


It all began so normally. These sorts of days when everything changes from this point forward always begin as though they are going to be the most normal and boring days ever. When I woke up, I could literally unroll the clock and visualize the entire day in front of me: I would go to classes, then today was actually the next day when me and Sophia officially met up for tutoring, and after that, if time permitted, I would go on to the Doki Doki Literature Club. You know, the one that I was now the Vice-President of? And absolutely nothing would happen to it since Sayori's departure.

Heh... Sayori's departure. I guess that from today forward, this phrase gained an additional meaning. But let's talk about everything from the beginning.

The weirdness started when I actually got to school, before the first lesson. I could actually spy out Monika on the school's landline again and I couldn't clearly hear her or the other person on the line but when Monika hung up she had a clear aura of resolve around her and she headed straight for Principal Creative Emogal's office. And suddenly every other student started wondering what it could possibly be that Monika heard about that needed imperative information. And also, if you're going to supply someone with information, Flashlight Girl is literally always available during schooldays.

Anyway throughout the pre-lesson period and the first lesson I learned absolutely nothing from anyone but the overall atmosphere at Doki Doki High seemed to get more solemn. The usual whimsical teachers forgot to be whimsical. I knew Captain Disillusion, the teacher for the normal kind of science, could present a lesson with a more excited tone than this. I won't actually, like, make a quality judgment and say that he could present a lesson better than this I'm still collecting data on that front and all I have collected on Captain Disillusion so far is his end-of-lesson sign-off: "Remember, kids: love with your heart, use your brain for everything else." which still appeared, grave news or no grave news. And to be honest? It's kind of like my motto with actions and words and smiles so I can appreciate it.

It was during the second lesson, which was once again Grammar by Jan Misali, that I actually heard something from somebody. And the somebody was Jan Misali themself and the something was: "It is with heartbreak and sorrow that I must announce that the school received news from Sayori Bucket-Andersen's parents that she committed sewiside at around 4 AM this morning."

What is up with announcements like this needing to have an emotion attached to them? A death, sewiside or not, is a matter of fact, and you just have to deal with the fact that the person won't ever be around, and if you attached emotion to her, especially heartbreak or sorrow or anything in that family, then it's your own fault for not thinking about it rationally. And also, what is up with Sayori actually managing to do something at 4 AM? What is her sleep schedule, even?

Sorry let me fix that. What was her sleep schedule, even?

And even worse. Did Monika and I end up influencing it while we were doing the whole putting her on a pedestal thing? Are we actually responsible for anything? Well I'm just an accomplice who was lured by her charm and beauty and persuasiveness somehow gathering all together and making me feel this "love" anathema. So, the real question is is she actually responsible for anything and I think I'll let her answer that one herself while we're on the Literature Club.

And throughout the lessons, teachers kept announcing the same thing: that Sayori had committed sewiside and that they were sending condolences to her parents. First of all you might want to mention those parents by names, Charlie Bucket and Riley Andersen, even I know that by now. And second of all what kind of organization is this where teachers just announce the same thing over and over as though we hadn't heard it already from the last teacher?

And why is it teachers in the first place? I thought I knew who the upper heads of Doki Doki High were: Principal Creative Emogal and Guidance Counselor Doombly. Does neither of them have an announcement system set up so that the whole school could receive imperative news like this at once? Remind me to re-read the diary, and once I do, remind me to actually write a little written complaint on the card and submit it to Creative Emogal.

Anyway that was the big news from the teachers, and that was immediately followed by the big gossip from the posse leader Magnolia Morgan-Chase. She had already invented an elaborate story that distorted a truth that I thought was so simple it could not be distorted, and instead of "Sayori had a messed-up sleeping schedule", the narrative now was "Sayori was planning to ditch the Literature Club all along to create a Doki Doki Napping Club". And Magnolia immediately got owned and corrected on that one because setting up a Doki Doki Napping Club requires one not to be asleep all the time (no? Sayori was clearly there at the last Literature Club meeting awake and ready I'm pretty sure).

Anyway that was that for lessons and next came up tutoring with Sophia. Or at least the scheduled time for tutoring with Sophia. So I headed straight to the tutoring room and waited for Sophia to come around but she never did and instead more Samsung Group executives like the ones in the maid doll café and the limo came around. And they placed a piece of paper right by my side and left without saying a word. Hello? Do none of them even recognize who I am anymore?

Whatever let's just read the piece of paper.

EDICT
by Samsung Group
Wednesday, September 11, 2013 AF

The security of core staff, especially including heirs and heiresses, of Samsung Group and all businesses that it has ever dealt with is of the utmost importance to us, and given the recent sewiside of the Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory heiress, we must regard Doki Doki High, the place of education which both the Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory heiress and the Samsung Group heiress shared at the time, as potentially unsafe for any student's psyche. Therefore, while the Samsung Group heiress will continue being formally registered at Doki Doki High and receiving its lessons, she will no longer be allowed to step in the school's premises, for her own safety.

Signed
Curiosity Neĝelante Samsung, current CEO of Samsung Group

Okay it took way too long for me to realize that what they mean by "the Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory heiress" is Sayori and "the Samsung Group heiress" is Sophia. Never change, Curiosity. However many years since you wrote that book about success and trust and your language is still as dense as ever.

And that means, I suppose, that Sophia and I will no longer meet up at Doki Doki High. However what this edict epically failed to mention is, of course, the tutoring deal that Sophia and I shared. Will it continue? Will it cease? Are there actual answers to these questions right now or is the Samsung Group board of directors still holding a conference to decide it?

And lastly, do I even care? The last time Sophia and I met up, she made it abundantly clear that she does not want to tutor at all she just wants me to have a proper social life enabled by the clubs of Doki Doki High. And the club I'm still officially at is the Doki Doki Literature Club so let's head there. Sophia would have most likely instructed me to head there right away regardless.

Anyway at the Literature Club I only found Monika. I asked her and no she hadn't seen Yuri or Natsuki since classes ended. And then I asked her the hard question: "Do you think we went too far and owe some apologies to Charlie and Riley?" and she "I'm still processing all this ask me at a later date. Instead why don't you read my poem? That's right! Okay, everyone! Poem sharing or whatever!" and she handed me her poem and I took the time to do the lines between lines treatment to Curiosity's edict and once I was done I handed that to Monika too.

And Monika "You know, the context is abundantly clear, and reusing the edict's text might not be the most advisable of things given how Samsung Group is ready to screw any publisher over into bankruptcy. So if you'll let me just" and she pulled out a very small bucket of white paint and a paintbrush and painted over the edict itself so that only my comments remained. And then she gave the result back to me and I suddenly noticed something my own lines between lines thing without the original lines looked just like Monika's poem with random gaps.

"Were you doing the lines between lines thing before?" I asked and Monika "Oh, I actually gave it a proper name: Margin-based Sequential Text. MST for short. Feel free to use it. But eventually I stopped and tried to imagine an MST for a nonexistent text, and that's how my poem style emerged." and I couldn't believe it Monika and myself had invented MST independently.

But before she could explain anything further suddenly Natsuki walked in. "Oh, hey. If it isn't the girls responsible for Sayori's death. As annoying as Sayori was I never wanted anything to harm her, much less herself, did you throw any sense of respect out of the window? Suffice to say, I'm leaving the Literature Club." and she walked out.

Monika and I needed to take some time to process it but we weren't given enough time as Yuri also made her appearance. "Oh. I... this might not be the best place for me anymore. I feel a presence, one that greatly enjoyed laughs and sugar and napping, and one that feels like she was unfairly attacked by those present in this room." and Monika shot back "You can just say Sayori, you know." and Yuri started crying and holding her hair up to her eyes and immediately retreated.

And we just couldn't get even a single moment to ourselves. Detractors, even those who had never heard of a Doki Doki Literature Club before, kept coming in and calling us murderers. After the fourth one Monika just straight up pushed the student out of the Literature Club room, then opened a window leading outside and threw something metal outside.

"Wait is that the key to the Literature Club room?" I asked and Monika "It's whatever the Doki Doki Heartbeats (hexafield team) will find it. Now come on the Doki Doki Literature Club is clearly a place where no happiness can be found let's instead head to the library nearby the school." And she opened the closet where all the reading material was and she started undressing stuffing the old Literature Club uniform in the shelves and didn't even care that a guy might come in or something. She then pulled out a new set of clothes from the closet which had a bright white dress and golden bracelets and she immediately got dressed in those clothes instead. She then untied her ponytail and instead tied the white band around her eyes instead and finally she took my hand and stormed off.

You know for a blindfolded girl Monika knew her way around the school rather well. She even stepped down stairs far more elegantly than myself it was honestly amazing how much finesse and muscle memory she contained within herself. And even as we were out of school she flawlessly navigated to a refreshments shop where she got some sort of warm brown drink, and then, to the library where we sat down opposite of each other.

"Aren't you eventually going to want to untie your eyes?" I asked and Monika "Why would I? That will only make me see more people who think that I'm a murderer - that we're murderers. Anyway why don't we gather around the proverbial campfire and I'll tell you, one last time, the story about why the Literature Club started, why it ceased to exist and why it should never be resurrected again?" and even when she was about to lose it and that white band was clearly getting wet from tears she still had that charm of innocence and conviction so I said "Of course." and she began.

"So, I started out as a member of the Samsung Group Adolescents' Debate Division and we did debates and it was awesome. There was this unspoken rule that no matter how harshly the members spoke with each other, there would be no such thing as an insult or being insulted, and it worked amazing. We even managed to trash-talk Samsung Group before they told us to shut up or they would disband the Debate Division. And surprisingly different personalities ended up working rather well for example Cranky Vasquez the Debate Division CEO was all words words words whereas Connie Harris preferred few words and direct declarations of feelings.

But everything changed when Creative Emogal attacked. I don't know where she appeared from but somehow, she managed to take over the Samsung Group Adolescent Education Facility from Sectumsempra (who did you guess was principal before then?) and changed everything and created the Doki Doki High that you know of. And with the new school rules came new students of course sweet little Caroline, the diamond in Creative Emogal's eye, had to come, but also, a bunch of others. And basically every single time, one of those newbies would approach the Debate Division and not get what we had created. It eventually got so bad that Cranky started valuing the original members less and less, and with no place to call home anymore, I had to go and set up a new division. I think the Debate Division is still around, but I never looked and I know I should, especially now, but I don't know what Cranky will think of me now.

I thought long and hard about what my own division in Doki Doki High would be about and I mostly looked at school subjects and Literature seemed like the most underrated one so of course I set up a Doki Doki High... Heartbeats... Literature Division. Uhh..."

It was extremely rare to see Monika just lose her track in what she was talking about so I had to step in and "You mean the Doki Doki Literature Club." and Monika was able to pick up from here.

"Yeah. That. And then all these girls came in who clearly had a different view on literature than that at school. Of course at this point you have to know Bonnie Bucket-Andersen and her poems, Sabine Tatou and her comics, and finally, Liliya Markova and her... whatever is inside that eye book I actually never learned and never will. But while I wasn't able to find a common thread between all of our literature interests, I did find a commonality that none of us felt at home. So, I gave the girls a new home, and new names to match. You know, Sayori instead of Bonnie, Natsuki instead of Sabine and Yuri instead of Liliya. And I thought everything was going in a good direction this time, visitors like you actually contributed to the Literature Club, and poem sharing became a core tenet, and to curate that tenet, I made Sayori the Vice-President.

But it all turned out to be for nothing. Clearly there were some problems that I just wasn't able to fix. Yuri wasn't going to be untraumatized by whatever traumatized her, I simply was no match against Natsuki's father, and Sayori... you know. Everyone knows. And everyone, as a collective, is still processing it. But I have fully processed it. I will never be able to fix anyone else's problems, none of the clubs will ever feel like home to me or anyone, and none of the clubs deserve to exist. Are you with me on this, Madeline? I promise I won't come up with a different name for you. Unless you really want to."

And of course she had said a major red flag but I didn't notice because I was too busy scribbling all of the information I had suddenly learned. Flashlight Girl was going to absolutely love this I don't know if she ever obtained testimonies from Doki Doki High students but this was gold. This was a character study right there. In fact this was so good it deserved to be Monika's new student profile in Flashlight Girl's database instead of whatever she had at the moment. I even summarized it while I was noting down everything else:

Monika Salvato, senior year, formerly President of the Doki Doki Literature Club. Disbanded the club after a long-trusted Vice-President, Sayori Bucket-Andersen, committed sewiside. Since then, has been reluctant to get into a leadership position ever again, and has been considering re-joining the Doki Doki Debate Club, but is not ready to face Cranky again. These days, she usually spends her time by the local library.

Of course Monika didn't see any of this since she was still blindfolded but she did notice that I was getting awfully silent. And then she "Hello? Madeline? I made you a proposal. Do you accept and let me correct this wretched school?" and I didn't know what made Doki Doki High wretched but Monika knew better and even through the blindfold I could still see the emerald eyes somehow, begging to be accepted. So I "I accept. Doki Doki High should be a welcoming place for everyone, as well as an effective... way to correct people's mental problems. Sorry, I don't know the word for that." and Monika "Therapy." and I nodded and noted this word down because I could tell I was going to use it a lot.

"And with all of that..." Monika threw the now-empty cup of warmth and it managed to land precisely in the trash bin. She then did a bow gesture like in theater and "For the last time ever, club dismissed. No more clubs. Not on my watch." and I did a little applause since that's what people do in theater and that was our own way to say goodbye so we parted our ways.

I should have said no. I really should have said no. The girl was walking into this whole endeavor blindfolded, figuratively and literally, and could cause even more problems and even more deaths and didn't she miss Sayori? Isn't that what normal people do? I thought Monika was a normal person. But unfortunately I said yes and at this time everyone already knew me as Monika's accomplice so even if I did back out that still wouldn't fix my reputation and I just needed to own my reputation at this point.

And you know what? It's a pretty nice change from my reputation at Baldur's Gate High.

Yours truly, Madeline Myers.