Chapter 246: The Accidental Troublemaker.
"To be honest you were the one I missed the most while gone."
-destinycopley13, We Shall Be Free Together
After leaving Watership Down, Dandelion spent a while wandering and thinking. He did not know what the challenge would be for his hobaring; figuring it out was likely part of the challenge. Was he supposed to bring back a specially-marked pebble? Or just survive for a few days without a burrow?
No, Dandelion thought, dismissing these options: they were all too simple. If he really wanted to prove himself, he would have to do something massive, something virtually unheard of. Perhaps targeting a human with a thunder stick. That would be the perfect mixture of brave, reckless, and achievable. The first step would be to find such a human. He had heard Hickory mention that there used to be one hanging out near Redstone; while the warren was gone, maybe the human remained.
Along the way to Redstone's ruins, however, he stumbled upon another creature, and spent a while staring at them from under a bush. This was it! He would capture this creature alive. This was the real challenge, not some foolish nonsense involving a human.
Just as he was about to pounce, however, he realized that this other creature was aware of his presence.
Vervain had been wandering for days, it must have been; he was not very good at keeping track of time. After fleeing from the warren of Nildro, he spent a long time running; by the time he realized that he was alone, and Inqwynn was no longer with him, it was too late to turn back.
At first, Vervain tried to tell himself that he didn't really care: Inqwynn could be really annoying at times, with his talk about his crazy former friends, and his weird roleplaying ideas. But Vervain started feeling bad again, when he realized Inqwynn was also his last friend; with him gone, the former captain was once again alone. He had no one to talk to, no one to protect him from elil. Then he cheered himself up by thinking about how Inqwynn would likely have done a poor job at both of these tasks, so he wasn't a major loss.
Nevertheless, it did not take long before Vervain started feeling lonely again. This agonizing feeling left him depressed for a while, until he made an even more troubling realization: he was completely, hopelessly, lost. When he first ran away from the warren of Nildro, he did not pay attention to where he was going, leaving him in unfamiliar territory. He did not know the way back to Darkhaven, or the ruins of Efrafa. Even Cowslip's freaky warren was likely far away. He never found out where Nepenthes Warren was either; his search for Chibiscuit was not moving forward at all.
After a few days of this, he gave up wandering and simply lied down on the ground, where he started crying. He would get eaten by the first elil he would fail to outrun. He thought of Chibiscuit, whom he would most likely never see again. Why had he deserted her? Why had he betrayed his warren? Why had he kept following Woundwort for so long? His life had been a complete wreck. His tears had formed a small puddle; if he kept going much longer, it would be large enough to drown in.
As he temporarily got back up to clean the wet fur on his face, he suddenly realized that he was not alone. This was it: the elil had come faster than expected. His life may have been a failure, but he would at least face death with dignity, and look at his killer's face before dying; he turned around and started squealing.
Dandelion was shocked: the rabbit in front of him had started squealing for no apparent reason. Faced with such confusing circumstances, he only saw one option: squeal too. This went on for a disturbingly long time, until Vervain thought of the possible consequences.
-"We should stop before we attract elil," he said.
-"Good idea," was Dandelion's response.
The two rabbits, now silent, awkwardly stared at each other. Dandelion, having lost the element of surprise, was debating his next move. Vervain, meanwhile, was feeling relieved that his would-be attacker was not elil, but another rabbit. Dandelion appeared vaguely familiar to him, although he couldn't quite recall where they had met before. He therefore decided to try a simple greeting:
-"Hi?"
-"Don't you 'hi' me, Vervain!" was Dandelion's contemptuous reaction.
This confirmed Vervain's initial suspicions, they had already met, since this stranger clearly knew who he was (and, for some reason, did not appear to like him). Suddenly, it hit him.
-"You're with the outsiders!" he shouted.
-"And you're with Woundwort!" Dandelion shouted back, raising his front paws, as it become obvious that he would have to attack.
The two rabbits pounced at each other, aggressively clawing. They were frantically moving their front paws, but neither managed to inflict any major wounds: only their paws touched each other. After around a minute of this, they both stopped to catch their breath.
-"Give up?" Vervain taunted.
-"A Watershipper never gives up."
-"Have it your way. You're just delaying the inevitable."
The two rabbits got back up on their hind legs and resumed scratching each others' front paws. Once again, this was largely useless, nobody was causing any damage. They soon stopped to take another break.
-"What are you doing over here alone, Vervain?" Dandelion asked. "Woundwort rarely sends out solo patrols."
-"I could ask you the same question."
-"I'm on a hobaring. What's your excuse?"
-"I'm lost."
The two rabbits returned to their silly slap-fight, once again failing miserably at hurting each other.
-"If everyone at your warren is as bad a fighter as you are," Vervain said, stopping once again to catch his breath, "Woundwort will have no trouble obliterating you all."
-"I'm not even in the owsla, I'm a storyteller," Dandelion said, also exhausted. "Meanwhile, you're surprisingly weak for a captain."
-"A storyteller, eh? What are you going to do? Defeat Woundwort with words?" Vervain thought for a few moments. "Actually, it's not as absurd as it might seem. With such a squeaky annoying voice, you're bound to drive his entire owsla mad."
-"And you'll be my first victim! Oh wait, you're already mad. No matter, I'll defeat you with my claws, rather than my voice."
As Dandelion readied his claws once again, so did Vervain, and the battle resumed. Their moves were very tiring, and as useless as ever.
-"You're pathetic!" Dandelion shouted.
-"No, YOU are pathetic!" Vervain shouted back.
As the ridiculous battle dragged on, both rabbits were losing their strength; Dandelion could feel complete exhaustion coming upon him. He decided that it was time to change tactics: in addition to fighting, he would resort to trickery, much like famous hero El-ahrairah.
-"You're lost, it would be unfair to keep taking advantage of you this way, Vervain," he said. "How about we call a truce, until we're back in familiar territory?"
The goal was that that Vervain would hopefully lower his guard, making him easier to defeat. However, it would not be so simple.
-"You're just going to take me to your warren so that your outsider friends can gang up on me and kill me, aren't you?" Vervain retorted.
Vervain's strategy was similar to Dandelion's. He was attempting reverse-psychology: he hoped that Dandelion would take him to the warren. Once there, he would run away before they had the chance to attack him, and report its location back to Woundwort.
But Dandelion, despite all his weaknesses, had seen through Vervain's plan. While his presence as a hostage would be useful leverage for the upcoming battle, bringing him to the warren and preventing him from running away would be a challenge. Dandelion would have to come up with another solution, but until then...
-"Have it your way: no truce!" he shouted, as he prepared for another round of fighting.
The two rabbits were making their moves more slowly, in an attempt at preserving their strength. But, despite their best efforts, they were already exhausted; Vervain was the first to succumb, allowing Dandelion to get in a lucky hit.
-"Ah!" was Vervain's first reaction. "You hurt my claw! Oh no, this is going to be like Orchis and the dog..."
-"Who's Orchis?"
Vervain did not answer Dandelion's question, and only started squealing once again.
-"Maybe you should stop screaming," Dandelion said nervously. "This is going to attract elil."
-"That's what I said earlier!" Vervain shouted. "You embleer storyteller, great at talking, not so much at listening..."
At that moment, a crow (no doubt alerted by the loud noise) descended from the sky, approaching the two rabbits. Dandelion prepared to fight it off; he was much more successful than with Vervain, it only took a few swipes of his paws before the bird chose to fly away, hoping to find an easier meal elsewhere.
But this momentary distraction proved to be Dandelion's downfall: as soon as the bird was gone, Vervain pounced on him, pinning him to the ground.
-"I got you!" he said triumphantly.
-"You may have captured me," Dandelion said, "but I am very good at escaping."
Vervain would not let that happen: grabbing one of Dandelion's front paws with his own, he twisted it almost a full turn. This was a technique that he had perfected over many seasons of torture in Efrafa. Running was now impossible for Dandelion; even walking would lead to agonizing pain with every step.
-"Not anymore, you're not." Satisfied that Dandelion no longer posed a threat, Vervain hopped off him, and started to gloat. "Oh, I captured a hostage, all by myself, Woundwort will be so proud of me!"
Dandelion was pained and demoralized: this battle had been a miserable failure for him. The only way he would be able to escape would be by convincing Vervain to let him go. A daunting challenge, but it was his only hope.
-"My friends will get me back. And when they do, you will pay."
-"It is the outsiders who will pay," Vervain taunted. "Hazel, Fiver and Bigwig will surrender themselves to Woundwort, in exchange for your safety."
-"Three for one, that's not fair!"
-"Oh, I'm sure Woundwort will consider this more than fair."
-"Regardless, my friends will win. Remember what happened last time you tried to take a hostage?"
-"Woundwort learned from his past mistakes, he won't be repeating them..." Vervain suddenly remembered something, and it left him deeply anxious. "Wait, did you have a tragic life as a kitten?"
-"No..." was Dandelion's truthful response, confused by Vervain suddenly changing the subject.
-"Good. Then Woundwort won't empathize with you, and he won't hesitate to torture you for information," Vervain replied, answering Dandelion's unsaid question.
-"I can invent myself a tragic backstory! I am a storyteller, after all."
Vervain sighed in annoyance.
-"Is it not enough that you can no longer walk? Do you want me to slash your lips so that you can't talk either?"
Dandelion gulped nervously.
-"I'll be quiet."
-"You better be," Vervain said ominously. "Come on, let's go."
-"Where are we going?"
-"...didn't I just tell you to be quiet?"
