Here we are, once again reminding who is interested to check periodically for updates in case your notifications, like mine, are not working at all!
So, as you may see from this chapter there is a formula, so to speak: these are all scenarios we have seen on the show and the 'come or go' question is about whether you think Cal will stay or go.
This is 'Undercover' and it's a go (sorry about that)
"I'll empty my office," Loker caved, immediately starting to walk away.
Cal had to give it to him: taking responsibility for his actions, not making a scene, graciously abandoning the scene. It nearly made him wish that they didn't have something else in store for him, but then again he had his little speech prepared and he had been dying to get to it all day.
He told Loker what the deal was, stay as unpaid intern or leave, itching to clue him in on the fact that the somewhat sadistic bargain and smoke screen had been Foster's idea, then got up and left, rather theatrically, to let him stew on his words alone.
Cal briskly walked across the library and hallway, going straight to Gillian's office and barely touching the glass door with his knuckle before going in. She was there, waiting anxiously for him to come over and let her know how things played out with Loker. Her eagerness was kind of funny to Cal - oh, if only people would know! - but she also silently reprimanded him for his off-script choice to leave the younger man on pins and needles instead of waiting for a straight answer.
He couldn't say that it was all in good fun, a lot of people had been deprived of the possibility to get back their money because of Loker, but Cal appreciated when they could insert some levity into what happened around there…especially when levity meant messing with employees and play a secret game of good cop-bad coop with Gillian. He knew her well, he knew she could have a mean streak when she wanted and he had not been all that surprised when she had suggested the whole fake lawsuit thing to fish out the whistleblower.
She was never boring, could easily be unpredictable and he was about to have proof of that once more.
"Loker isn't the only one who lied," she volunteered out of the blue when he plopped down on the armchair.
"Oh yeah?" He quipped back, trying to act casual even though his mind was already racing wildly.
Gillian sighed and stood up, talking rather freely as she came close and sat on the corner of the couch to be closer to him. He watched her, barely reacting as she rather calmly and easily told him about Alec's drug problem, looking right at him with admirable self-control considering what she was revealing. Cal was applying all of his knowledge and skills not to show anything, but there was a lot going on with him as he listened. He was beyond surprised to find out about the drug problem; he had known Alec close enough for years and he also knew addicts, yet he never would have guessed something like that. He was also shocked and mildly resented that she had never told him something so big, especially when he imagined how difficult it might have been for her and yes, also found some room to curse himself for the couple of times he had not been able to mind his own business in the past weeks when he had noticed something was off.
There was also admiration for her calm and controlled demeanour, almost soothing. She was talking about her own husband being a drug addict as if it was no big deal, and Cal was well aware of the fact that she was trying to downplay it for his own benefit so that he wouldn't spiral thinking about how that affected her. He felt regret, self-commiseration in some way for the fact that apparently he had not been the best of friends if Gillian hadn't felt like talking to him about that kind of problem. And then there was rage, mild and quiet but still rage: at Alec, for doing that to her and himself; for Gillian's silence on the matter; at himself for having misread the situation so badly and failing to focus on the fact that she might have needed support.
"How is he doing?" Cal finally asked, knowing it was probably too little too late no matter how sincerely he wanted to know.
"Some days are good, some…not so good."
Gillian answered quickly but not as fluidly as she had been speaking until then, clearly a sign that the planned and rehearsed part of her speech was over.
"Well, if there's anything I can do."
He meant it, he didn't think there was much he could help with but he wanted to be able to. Gillian probably knew that and appreciated the effort as evident by the unfaltering smile, but as she studied him her demeanour shifted slightly and the smile that had been almost a self-defence mechanism until then, trying to pass the news as no big deal, became somewhat amused in that way she usually had when she caught him been a naughty boy.
"You didn't just happen to find Alec's glasses the other night, did you?" No, he had had those suckers in his pocket since before dessert. "You thought he was having an affair."
"No, I was afraid you were gonna get hurt."
That was true, although not entirely exact. She was already hurting, that was what had pushed him to act on the glimpses of things he had seen between them here and there. Had he been more discreet if he had known what was putting the worried frown on her face? Probably. Had it really been that easy to assume Alec was 'just' cheating on her? Yes, especially after he had laid eyes on his sponsor. Would have it been less painful for Gillian, infidelity? Not very likely, although with drugs there might be the very bleak consolation that it wasn't anything that she could have done differently or better, especially when considering that problem had started before their marriage.
But his confession of care didn't go down as he had hoped, no matter the soothing tone of his voice and the light touch of his hand on her forearm. If anything it made things worse, quickly and inevitably. Gillian retreated, not blatantly but clearly enough in the body language sign they both knew so well, taking her arm away from him before her face morphed into a curious expression.
The smile was gone, no matter for whose benefit, and she looked at him in a way that made Cal feel as if he had done something terrible to her.
"You were protecting me?"
For lack of better words, Cal thought as he nodded, but replied with a more vague 'Something like that, yeah'.
If he had thought that Gillian's behaviour had shifted just a few seconds before as she had pulled away from him, Cal was nothing short of terrified by how radically her demeanour changed after that. Her lips parted and closed without a noise for a second, her mind trying to process and decide how much she wanted to expose herself, then she took in a short breath before speaking.
"You know," it was all she managed to say while looking at him before breaking eye contact for the first time and looking down as she went on, "the line we talk about? You know, the line we have to draw because we see things people are hiding. Things they don't want us to know." Only then, after marking the aforementioned line deeply into the ground between them and turning it into a wall. "I think we should respect the line. I think it's best for both of us."
She finished by looking at him, but with a contrite expression and small nodding movements that seemed to encourage him to leave her alone. He tried, but he couldn't help himself: he held her gaze, almost daring her to play chicken and see who would cave first. He won, but there was nothing to celebrate when Gillian gave in, forcing a polite smile to her lips before looking away and dismissing him with a quiet 'Goodnight Cal' that sounded more like a loud 'Leave me alone'.
Somehow she did manage to pull herself together for one last look, one last polite smile, and Cal took his cue, mumbling a quick 'Night love' as he stood up and left. He walked away briskly, feeling the almost physical need to leave the room before the thoughts and feelings evoked by the encounter could collide in a messy frontal impact. Any mention of the line was bound to do that to him, even if he had had to enforce it himself once of twice since Torres had come on board; but one thing was telling the newbie to stay out of the bosses' private business, especially when she was not yet equipped with controlling and understanding what she was capable of, and a completely different one was for his best friend to summon it like a magic spell or a universal out-of-jail card in the game of life.
Gillian wasn't entirely wrong, when observed correctly the line could be a saviour from pain and misunderstanding. But in that case, had it really been helpful? She had been mulling over something so big for a couple of months, bottling everything up even when she had realised he had noticed something… Granted, there probably was nothing much that he could do for Alec per se, at least nothing more than what she might have already thought of: if he had a sponsor he was clearly going to AA meetings and trying to deal with it, it was reasonable to guess that they may have talked about rehab or something. Had he known however, he could have probably made her life easier, couldn't he? Maybe hold back the sneaky comment about her not being a good girl, or try to read more into Alec's desperate attempt to leave the Korean wedding: what if he had actually gone with them once or twice more when they had asked him to join for dinner, what if he had not been blinded by the assumption that Alec was a cheater and more open to other possibilities?
But then again, it all came back to Gillian not confiding in him.
That was when he stopped, standing still in the empty and silent hallway after turning the first corner.
That was what rubbed him the wrong way; he was her friend, her best friend by Gillian's very own admission over the years, and yet she had not found it appropriate to share with him that there were troubles at home? When his own marriage had started to go down the drain he hadn't kept it a secret..well, couldn't have even if he'd wanted to really, he had desperately needed someone to talk to. And what about the professional argument? Ok, Gillian was probably much better than him at compartmentalising but still, something like that was bound to have affected her at least in part, or could have. She had shown she could hold her ground, she had not caved when Alec had tried to sneak out of the wedding, but still…
Then it hit him, what was one of things he had seen on her during their exchange and had failed to grasp, too busy masking his own reaction as he was. Shame, that's what it was: he wasn't 100% but it was a serious possibility. Shame for her husband's vice and consequent behaviour, shame and probably guilt on herself for not being able to fix it on her own and not being enough.
It didn't feel right, the Gillian he had come to know and respect over the years was far too well adjusted and confident to succumb to something like that…then again, the Gillian he thought he knew didn't have to deal with the weight of a drug addict husband.
Still… Cal thought about it one more time, standing there in silence with his own thoughts and only one reasoning away from turning around and going back. Except, he realised with discomfort, he wouldn't have known what to tell her. That he was sorry he had meddled? He wasn't, not really. That he was sorry she was going through that? That would have been true, but helpful? To throw in her face how the lack of trust to confide in him made him feel? No, definitely not.
And so he walked away.
What do you think, was this a good moment for Cal to force Gillian's hand or leaving was the right thing to do?
Next one is from 'Blinded': what will Cal do, stay or go?
