NEVER SAY NEVER

CH 20 A MOTHER KNOWS

A/N For timing purposes the date is Tuesday, August 19,1919. Elizabeth returned from Hamilton on Wednesday, August 13, 1919.

THE NELSON RANCH

Dean sat on the porch steps thinking about dinner and Elizabeth. He always enjoyed being with her and her son. She was a beautiful woman but there was something about her that called to him. He was well on his way to falling for the young widow and her son. As he thought of Jack he smiled because the little boy had quickly stolen his heart. Maybe it was because like Jack his father had been killed in the line of duty as the town sheriff. No one in town was aware of it because it wasn't something the family talked about. Mainly because of the pitying looks they would get whenever people found out.

He heard the screen door shut behind him and the gentle night breeze carried the scent of his mother.

"You are up late, Mom," Dean said. "I thought for sure that you would have gone to bed."

"Knowing that Carson is bringing your sisters home I would think the same could be said of you?" Belinda replied.

"I've got a lot on my mind, I guess."

Belinda hesitated, not wanting to butt in her children's lives but then asked. "Would it be Elizabeth and Jack?"

"Dean let out a heavy sigh, "Yeah, I guess it's pretty obvious huh?"

"A bit, but it is understandable. She is a beautiful woman both inside and out. But Dean…" Belinda said cautiously unsure of how to say what she felt needed to be said.

"Don't worry Ma, Beth told me that her heart wasn't free," Dean said. "She said friendship was all she could ever offer. When I suggested we could still go to dinner, she was very adamant that it would only be a group and not a date. That's why we all went to dinner tonight. It is the only way she would accept."

"I had wondered. She has been through a lot and is in the process of picking up the pieces."

"I will say that I am envious of Nathan Grant though Elizabeth doesn't think that he will give her another chance. She doesn't want him to get the wrong idea and risk losing out on the opportunity to be with him. A love like that is rare and I hope they can both get there not to mention Jack adores him."

"From what both she and Bill have said there's a lot of pain standing in her way. However, I have seen him look at her and watch her when she isn't looking, and I know they have been doing counseling together. I do not doubt that with a little bit of time, they will become a couple. As for Jack, I would say the feelings are mutual. Now if only the saloon owner would leave her be."

"Oh yeah, I had to escort her to Judge Avery's office because he keeps trying to get her alone," Dean said frowning as he recalled the other man's behavior. "Does she know how Pa died?"

"No, I haven't shared that yet though I know she would keep the secret if we asked. I almost did when she was over yesterday. If anyone would understand it would be her."

"I think that you should. It might be good for the two of you to be able to share that. Has she shared much about what happened to her husband?"

Belinda shook her head. "I think it's because she is still dealing with her grief. But widows typically don't share much, preferring to look ahead. From what Elizabeth has said there are quite a few widows in town after a mine explosion killed 47 men when the town was still Coal Valley."

"Maybe we have finally reached a place where we don't have to hide what happened to Pa. It has been 10 years since he was killed. I don't see others looking at Beth any different."

"I notice you are calling her Beth. How did that come about?"

Dean shrugged his shoulders and then said. "It's what Julie calls her, so Audrey and Marylou have started to. It just caught on I guess, and she didn't have a problem with it."

"Well, why don't we go in and get some leftover pie before we turn in," Belinda said standing up.

"Sounds like a good plan," Dean agreed following his mother into the house. A short time later Carson and the girls joined them before turning in.

MEANWHILE IN ROCK CREEK –

Nathan sought refuge outside after the dinner dishes were done to settle his thoughts. He was returning to Hope Valley in the morning, and thoughts of Elizabeth and their counseling sessions were foremost in his mind. He sat on the porch swing, using his foot to urge the swing back and forth gently. He was so deep in thought that he was unaware of the sounds of the coming night that were all around and that his mother was approaching.

"Penny, for your thoughts, Nathan." Nathan stirred and looked up as he looked up to where his mother was standing. He smiled fondly at her but remained silent, afraid she might see what was happening inside him. Unfortunately, nothing escaped her notice when it came to him or Allie.

Gently cupping his cheek in her hand, she asked, "What's wrong, Son?"

"What makes you think something is wrong?" Nathan responded, trying to avoid the conversation.

Moira rolled her eyes and tousled his hair. "Because I raised you, young man. You can't hide anything from me, so why don't we skip the song and dance and get down to what's troubling you?"

Nathan chuckled and scooted over so she could sit beside him. He was trying to figure out what to say when she said, "Does it concern Elizabeth Thornton?"

He looked over in shock and saw his mother's knowing gaze looking back at him.

"How?" He rasped.

Moira chuckled, "I could say that it's mother's intuition or I am a mind reader, but in this case, Allie has spoken of her. I think you would be surprised how often she comes up in conversation since Allie has been here. Now that I think about it, she hasn't brought her up since you have been here, which is very telling."

"Allie has been talking about Elizabeth?"

"Well, her and Jack. She loves both of them very much, though she was hurt deeply by Elizabeth. I gathered that she had some hopes and expectations about them joining your family, and they didn't pan out."

Nathan only nodded as they sat silently before he asked, "What else did she tell you?"

"Wanting to see what you might be able to skip over?" Moira teased. "She mentioned that she had chosen someone else and broke your heart."

They were unaware that Allie had seen them outside talking about Elizabeth and sat near a window, listening to their conversation.

"You mustn't be mad at her, Nathan."

"I'm not, and I feel better that she is talking about it with someone. I don't want to see her bottle it all up."

"You mean like you have been?"

Nathan just shook his head. His mother had never pulled any punches but always spoke what was on her mind. She had taught her children early on that when asked for her opinion, she would give it, and you had better be prepared for it. As they had gotten older, Nathan had treasured that, but Colleen had not, and it often led to arguments with their mother.

"I'm glad she felt she could confide in me, even though I haven't seen her much in the past four years. I wish I had moved to Rock Creek sooner than six months ago instead of hiding out because of your father. In fact, would it be okay if I brought Allie back to Hope Valley and stayed for a few weeks? I would love to meet your friends, including your Elizabeth and Jack."

"I would love that, and I know Allie would too. I'm not upset that she has talked to you about Elizabeth, but she's not my Elizabeth, Ma."

"Maybe not now, but you want her to be," Moira said. "No use in denying it because I see it and know how much you love her little boy. From what Allie has said, it's mutual."

"Jack Jr. is such a good boy and will grow up to be a good man just like his father. For Elizabeth's sake, I hope he doesn't want to be a Mountie, though."

"I can see where that would be hard for her, especially after losing his father that way."

"There are other children I feel strongly attached to, like Opal and Robert, because they are great. But with Jack, it is…." Nathan stopped as he searched for the right words. Thankfully, his mother came to his rescue.

"Because you love him like he is your own?" Moira offered.

Nathan smiled. "Yes, because I love him as much as Allie."

"Is it because of what happened in Fort Clay or your feelings for his mother?"

Nathan thought for a moment and replied with a sense of wonder. "No, my feelings for him are separate from what I feel for Elizabeth or Jack Sr."

Moira smiled and then said, "From what I have heard, I would venture to say if pressed, Elizabeth would admit to the same feelings about Allie, which is a gift of unmeasurable worth."

Nathan thought back to all their interactions about Allie and how she blossomed, came out of her shell, and had to agree.

"I think you are right. I had never thought of it that way before." As Allie listened to what her grandma said, the now familiar longing within her heart began to spread as her dad agreed with her assessment. 'Could it be true? Could Mrs. Thornton truly love her despite the trouble she had caused?'

"So, enough stalling, my boy. Let's talk about your broken heart?" Moira said, patting his leg.

"I'm fine now," Nathan said, not wanting to open that can of worms. "She chose someone else, and it's all water under the bridge."

"Is it?" Moira raised a brow, letting him know she didn't buy it.

"Yes, it is. I brought Allie here since the man was making a nuisance of himself and taunting me all the time where Allie could hear it, but that's finished now. I'm good, I promise."

"Are you now," Moira said, a hint of amusement entering her eyes as he met her gaze.

"Of course," Nathan replied, not looking her in the eyes. His mother was like a human lie detector and could always read him like a book. Her piercing gaze stayed on him, and he began to shift around uncomfortably as she sat there just waiting,

"I see, so the fact that you have been acting completely out of character for months and now sporting that facial hair was just a whim?"

"Yes…I mean…No…I mean," Nathan stammered, a bit confused, before saying, "What do you mean I am acting out of character? I'm the same as always."

"Please, Nathan, you have been acting like the class clown. Not to mention, you have been talking as much or more than Allie whenever we meet others. For someone with the reputation of only saying something if it needs to be said, you are not living up to it. Don't even get me started on your facial hair. I mean, I understand the mustache, but what is that little patch called under your lip?" Moira noted, scrunching up her face in distaste.

"You don't like it?"

"No, I don't. You are very handsome, and it takes away from that. Not to mention, from what Allie said, your rival wears a beard and mustache, too. Are you trying to compete with him? Is that why you did it?"

It was Nathan's turn to roll his eyes, earning a playful smack from his mother.

"Don't you roll your eyes at me, Nathan Grant," Moira reprimanded. "I still have that wooden spoon and am not afraid to use it. Mountie or no Mountie. It is a known fact that after a breakup, the injured party will change in some way to either compete for the object of affection or to at least show they are moving on and to let the other person know what they are missing out on, although I have never observed it in a man until now."

"Well, that's not what is going on," Nathan said, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking.

"We shall see. Come now, Nathan, share your burden with me."

So, Nathan explained all about the previous year and Fort Clay and, ultimately, Elizabeth's choice of Lucas. Then, he began talking about what had happened since she returned from Hamilton and their counseling sessions.

"Do you feel she is being sincere and open with you about what was going on?" Moira probed.

She was secretly happy and relieved that they were doing counseling with the town pastor. It showed Elizabeth's determination to do the work and deal with old issues that were preventing her from finding happiness. Of course, as a mother and grandmother, it was hard to hear about her actions after finding out about Fort Clay. While she could see both sides, her protectiveness would not allow for any dismissing of her hurting the two most important people in her life. But she would allow Elizabeth to prove herself and her love for them by keeping an open mind and heart.

"I do," Nathan asked. "She doesn't hold anything back and has allowed me to say what is on my mind, which I wasn't given the opportunity to do in the past. I have no doubt she is being sincere, but it doesn't take away the pain of what happened before."

Moira caressed his cheek and said, "Oh, sweetie, take it from your mother. Only time can ease the sting of those memories, but it will come."

"She has changed since she returned, but there is so much hurt, anger, and sorrow scattered across our path that I don't know if I can find the courage to open myself up to her again. Then, of course, there's Allie to be considered. I won't risk her getting hurt again. I failed to protect her last time, but it won't happen again." Nathan's tone contained a hint of steel as he said those words.

Allie sat there listening and wondering how she could let her dad know that she would be okay if Mrs. Thornton had changed and wanted to choose them after all. But she would get in trouble for eavesdropping. There had to be a way.

"Are you still in love with her, Nathan?" Her Grandma's question caught her attention, and she waited with bated breath for the answer.

"It's complicated, Ma?"

"Not really. It's a simple question. Do you still love her? Put everything else to the side for a moment and give me your answer. "Are you still in love with her? Can you picture her by your side for the rest of your life? Are you happy with that picture?"

Nathan allowed himself to get caught up in the memory of that day by the pond. It was easier to see it, given that they had discussed what happened that day.

How was your trip?

Bill's land is beautiful. There's a-a level, clear spot surrounded by woods. Best of all the river's just a short walk away so Allie and I can go fishing. I can totally see us living there. Allie and me.

It sounds remarkable.

Yeah.

Nathan, I don't know where to begin.

Well-uh, here, let me-

No, no, no. Please. I need to tell you something that I've known for a while, but I haven't been able to say. You mean a lot to me. You and Allie both. But I've sensed that you're hoping for something more than friendship.

I wasn't trying to hide it.

And I appreciate your honesty. But Nathan, when you were almost shot-

Elizabeth, just listen to me for a second, please.

You want more than I can give you. It would just hurt too much if I lost you the way I lost Jack.

I wouldn't let that happen.

You-you can't say that to me! You have no right to promise me that.

I would quit. I'd quit the Mounties.

No!

Elizabeth. Elizabeth!

I can't stay or it'll only make it harder for me to leave.

Well, then don't go! Elizabeth, look. I know you feel the same way that I do.

I can't.

Elizabeth, I'm in love with you. Elizabeth, I love you.

Come on. Come on.

Elizabeth!(1)

Nathan thought about it, and as he did, Moira watched the emotions play across her son's face and saw the answer for herself. It was all there: Hurt, anger, fear, but the strongest emotion present was love.

With his eyes glistening, Nathan whispered, "I do. I don't think I will ever stop. But I…."

Moira stopped him by placing a finger gently on his lips. "No buts, son. If you love her, you owe it to yourself to see where it can lead. Just the fact that you have agreed to these sessions is very telling. Now, I'm not saying go back and propose tomorrow but rather continue the conversations you have begun and others that you need to have; it is okay to protect your and Allie's hearts while you do this but keep your mind open at the same time. But more importantly, be yourself and stop pretending you're fine when you are not because you are not that good of an actor, Son."

Nathan chuckled as she kissed him on the cheek and stood, and Nathan followed. As they walked toward the door, Moira stopped him. While looking at her with a brow raised, she said, "One last thing? I think she was doing the same thing as you and acting like she was happy when she clearly wasn't. It is a defense mechanism that keeps others from looking too closely at what is really going on. Her fear of losing you made her turn to what she thought was the safe choice. One of the biggest lessons I learned after what happened with your father is the more I tried to make something happen, the more I lost myself in the process."

"I love you, Ma," Nathan said, hugging her.

"I love you too, Son," Moira said, returning the hug and prolonging it for a few more minutes. Allie had managed to make it to her room, grab her book, and situate herself on the bed before her dad knocked on the door. She sighed in relief when he asked if she wanted to share a piece of pie since he was leaving early the next day. She went to bed that night, her mind working through everything she had heard earlier. It was with a hopeful heart that she fell into a deep sleep.

(1) S8EP2

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10/31/2023 5:15 PM

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