Todomatsu's P.O.V:
I came back later than anticipated today. Originally, I was supposed to come back after I talked to Osomatsu nii-san outside of the convenience store, but realized that I had forgotten a couple of items. So, I went back to the mall outlets downtown once more to grab what I needed, which took me about another hour or so to do again — not that it mattered, I have all the time in the world to make sure I look good, and every minute counts.
Satisfied with my load, I decided to head straight on home. Regrettably I didn't get a bite out to eat because I forgot mom wasn't going to be home, so I'll just have to whip up something when I get to the house, unfortunately.
When I finally came upon my destination — home of course, it sounded like something hectic was happening in the house, seeing as somebody was shouting and (I believe) banging something inside, making a total ruckus.
'...what the hell?' I questioned to myself as I opened the door. Seems like the commotion was happening upstairs in our bedroom.
Climbing up the stairs cautiously, I could make out the obscenities being said throughout the shouting. From the sound of it, apparently the angry yelling had belonged to Ichimatsu. When I reached the bedroom door, I slid it open and came upon the scene of Ichimatsu choking and repeatedly slamming Karamatsu's head unto the ground.
"...SCREW YOU SHITTYMATSU! I F*CKING HATE YOU! YOU NEVER EVER SHUT THE HELL UP! I'LL KILL-"
"ICHIMATSU! NII-SAN!" I shouted, desperately trying to gain his attention before he murdered our brother, "What the hell do you think you're doing!?"
Upon hearing my voice, Ichimatsu paused and turned around. His faced eased from the contorted madness it held earlier into something more mellowed and deadpanned. He never let go of his grasp around Karamatsu's neck though.
"Oh, hey Todomatsu." He said, nonchalantly, as if he were not in the midst of strangling someone.
"Oh hey," I mocked his manner of speech, rebuking the apathetic demeanor he held during this situation, "Again, What. The. Hell. Are you doing Ichimatsu nii-san? You are literally going to kill him!"
He stared blankly at me for approximately ten seconds, looked down at Karamatsu for a brief moment, and then looked back at me once again.
"Oh." He bluntly stated, as if what he was doing at the moment wasn't abnormal or unconventional in any type of manner.
"What do you mean, Oh!? Get off of him right this instant!" I yelled once more. This man certainly was afflicted by some sort of psychosis, and I strongly advocate that he is put in a mental institution of some sort!
Ichimatsu did finally relent, choosing not to get into another argument with me on why it's wrong for him to try and rid Karamatsu off of the face of this earth. He released his death grasp and got off of Karamatsu, albeit begrudgingly, and walked over to the door with his army of cats tagging along side him as well.
"And where do you think you're going!? You think you can just waltz on out of here after what you've done!? Look at him! He's frothing at the mouth and the only thing visible are the whites of his eyes! You probably gave him brain damage!" I pointed at Karamatsu as I lambasted him even further.
"Chill out and quit your naggin' Todomatsu," he replied as he continued out the bedroom door, "Shittymatsu will live to see another day (unfortunately). I'm heading out to go play with my frien– I mean cats. Why would you want me in here any longer with Shittymatsu anyways if you know he's just going to piss me off again?"
He had a valid point – if he were to stay in here any longer with Karamatsu he'd probably actually attack him again. Darkmatsu nii-san is heated at the moment, so it's best to let him cool off. There's no need to let him have another rampaging psychotic break down.
I responded back with an audible grunt of disapproval, though yielding to his wants, and with that he took off. Sighing, I walked up to Karamatsu to check to see if he was still alive. His whole body was covered in a light, glistening film of sweat and was twitching sporadically. His head was slightly bleeding as well. He began to wheeze and gasp for air desperately after the 'excursion' Ichimatsu put him through.
"Hah, hah, Thank you, my littleTodomatsu. Thank you for saving me…." Karamatsu said between heaves and hacking coughs. I grabbed his hand and helped him to his feet, carefully guiding him over to the small couch in the corner of the room so that he could sit down and catch his breath.
"Can't have you dying on us while mom and dad aren't home, 'don't want to deal with their nagging when they come back. Anyways, what did you do to make him angry this time?" I asked him as I sat the both of us down.
"Ah yes that…unfortunately I may have mistakenly interfered with Ichimatsu's playtime with his feline friends...and well, that ignited a deep, dark, fiery passion within….as you could see…I'm glad you had come to my rescue though! Like a valiant knight in pursuit of the most peaceful and amicable resolutions, you came to my aid during my duress…Unlike Osomatsu that is…" Karamatsu said the last part quietly, highlighting the displeasure in his voice.
"Osomatsu? Wait, he was here too?"
"Yes, he simply ignored me though and went on about his business."
I was somewhat of aware of Osomastu's motives, but I decided to play stupid to see if I can get some clarity on the situation out of Karamatsu, "Hmmm, that's weird...I know Osomatsu isn't the brightest or the kindest of the bunch, but usually when Ichimatsu goes crazy he interferes."
"I know, so it is rather atypical behavior from him," Karamatsu mentioned as he rubbed his aching neck, "I must have angered him yesterday, that's probably why he's ignoring me."
"What did you do to him, Karamatsu nii-san?"
Karamatsu shot me a quick nervous glance, as if he were a little too uncomfortable with answering that question, but quickly reverted it into a more confident, smug, and extremely painful look.
"Hmph, Totty, there is a code between oldest brothers that cannot be made known to you younger brothers. It's one of mutual understandingand camaraderie, and you younger brothers wouldn't fully understand the mechanics surrounding it all. Sometimes the oldest must deal with problems of their own, inside of their own league." His eyes sparkled as he spoke, as if he were saying something truly monumental.
"Wow...you literally just said a whole load of nothing to me right now."
"Well…it wasn't really anything...nothing important for that matter," His voice started to stutter, it was obvious that he was hesitant on revealing the details of their conversation, "Osomatsu is just throwing a little temper tantrum because he wants to get his way...you know how he is...!"
I stared scrutinizingly into his face, trying to figure out what he was trying to hide. He anxiously stared back as well, his thickened brows raised and slightly arched — he was trying his best to mask his nervousness, but evidently wasn't very good at doing so.
"Alright Karamatsu nii-san," I finally spoke after a while, deciding that I don't really feel like pushing it, "If it's between you two morons, it's probably not that important. Plus I don't care all that much either way." I sat up and began brushing off some lint off of my pants, "Seems like you don't want to talk about it anyways...Well, I'm going to go get something to eat then."
"...Uhh...I'm...I'm a bit hungry as well...may I accompany you in your means to getting a meal?" He was still rather timid, but he seemed relieved that I hadn't pushed him into answering my question from before.
"Sure, but I'm not buying anything. I'm just going to find something downstairs to eat. I spent all of my money shopping today.
So down the stairs we went, entering into the kitchen and rummaging for around in search of a potential meal. Mom apparently hadn't done her runs at the super market recently, because the only thing available was some instant curry roux cubes in the cabinet and some snacks. We tried making some of the curry, but being the flamboyant, arrogant, ignorant, asshole that he is, Karamatsu ended up burning the ingredients and almost set the house entire house aflame. So, instead of preparing a meal ourselves, we decided to just eat snacks until mom came home to make us dinner.
I grabbed myself a bag of potato chips while Karamatsu returned to rummaging around, but this time through the fridge's storage bins located at the bottom. From his sudden gasp, I could tell that he had found something that was to his liking.
"OOOooo! Wow! Wow! Wow! Would you look at that, my bruzzah~! Look what treasures await thee! Peach flavored daifuku mochi straight from the trenches of our refrigerator! Oh what a precious and deliciously extravagant treasure I have found!" Karamatsu cheered, parading around as if he had met with some astounding revelation.
"Wow. Nice Karamatsu..," I replied unenthusiastically, "I think dad bought those things yesterday evening, so they still should be somewhat fresh."
"Ah, thank you my brother. You truly care for my well-being, do you not? You are kind and very thoughtful, indeed."
"No, not really," I answered, grabbing a chip and devouring it as I toyed with my phone, "Like I said, I really can't have you dying on me while mom and dad are loitering around somewhere."
"Non, non, my preciouslittle brother, do not be abashed or ashamed of your great love and admiration towards your older sibling. It is nothing to be embarrassed about, for love is a beautiful thing. I accept your affection with open arms, wholeheartedly." Karamatsu proceeded to open his arms widely encroaching on my personal space in order to envelope me into a hug.
"Hmmm...perhaps I really should have let Ichimatsu nii-san kill you."
"Ah! Foolish me," Karamatsu exclaimed as he began to messily rip open the packaging of the daifuku desserts, "Here Totty, let me share with you this treat. Those potato chips, while delicious, will certainly not satiate the beastly hunger inside of you. Come, and let us feast on this sacred meal."
"Alright," I said as I reached out for one of the daifuku treats, "But I still hate you right about now. Remember that, okay?"
But before I was able to pick up a treat, I remembered something. Mochi is pretty sticky, and it's hard to swallow. There are so many accidents each year where those who have trouble chewing and swallowing things, such as the elderly and young children, end up in the intensive care unit of the hospital because they ended up choking and getting some sort of mochi confectionery lodged into their throats. While delicious and seemingly harmless, mochi could be a rather dangerous treat for those who are not careful.
"Hey, Karamatsu nii-san," I spoke, vying for Karamatsu's attention, "I just thought about it, and I wonder, should you really be eating those after what Ichimatsu did to you?"
"Nonsense, Totty. I am a man, the manliest of men so to speak. A simple child's confectionery will do no harm to me." Karamatsu then proceeded to plop one of the daifuku into his mouth, barely bothering to chew it. "MMMM! Absolutely delectable! Perfect!"
"Well alright then, just be careful okay?" I shivered a bit after saying those last words. It was so unnatural to say something of that nature towards Karamatsu. It made me feel exposed...defiled, and absolutely disgusted.
Actually I've been doing that a lot lately for some reason. Why must I torture myself by looking out for this pompous idiot's well being? Woe is me, as they say.
And, once again, Karamatsu started to act up again once more, not to my surprise...
"Totty! You are my darling! You have shown so much care for me today! I love you bruzzah!" Karamatsu proceeded to shove more of the daifuku down his throat in delight, obtusely negligent of my warning from before. Not once did this man even try to savor or really chew on his food. He simply just bit into mochi and swallowed it whole. It would have been perhaps considered quite amazing if it were not utter savagery. I expected this behavior from the likes of Jyushimatsu or Osomatsu, not exactly Karamatsu despite how shitty he is.
"Man, I guess you really like those peach daifuku don't you..." I grunted as I tried to hold back my distaste.
"Ah yes! I really do love them! They are my absolutely favorite type of daifuku!" Karamatsu grabbed yet another daifuku and began to devour it voraciously, talking while eating, "Peaches are the most delicious of the fruits, I love them very much so! Yes, such plump, soft, plush bodies, velvety to the touch and saturated with heavenly juices! Peaches are truly the Lord's chef d'oeuvre — his divine marksmanship! Combining the likes of something of such lush divinity with a sticky, sickeningly sweet dessert like daifuku is surely a match made in heaven. Ah! I have become mesmerized by this delight! Must it be too that that the peaches have filled my taste buds with insatiable lust!? God is truly great, he is to be commended and venerated for creating something so satisfying, something so erotically arousing to the senses of my taste buds!"
"...Okay, okay, I get it, but why the hell are you making this whole conversation raunchy?" I spoke impulsively and I quickly covered my mouth in distraught. I wanted to slap myself. No, I wanted to bash my head into the nearest stretch of pavement.
Why, oh why did I continue this conversation? Why oh why couldn't I keep my big mouth shut?!
"Mmmmm?...Well, if I must, I will enlighten you on the animalistic carnality that arises within the depths of my lions from the sight of these fleshy and deliciously sweet gems. In fact, I had written about how much I love peaches in various works of poetry that I had composed during my youthful and vigor-filled days in high school. Here, let me sophisticate you for the time being by reciting a couple of these insightful and beautifully written verses from memory: 'A man teaches and preaches of ideologues, each of his own. But of his ideologues, each is trivialized by his insatiable, unbridled beseeching for peache- *cough*, cough*, *HHHAAAACCCCKKKKK*!" Karamatsu began to cough out of the blue, hurriedly grasping and scratching at his reddened throat.
I was at the brink of losing the last of my sanity during the deranged tirade before I suddenly snapped back into the realms of reality from hearing Karamatsu's sickening rasps and wheezes. Apparently, he was in the midst of chocking to death from a piece of the daifuku lodged in his throat.
Truly, most certainly, and I say this with the most utmost conviction,
I hate my life.
"EEEK! YOU F*CKING DUMBASS KARAMATSU NII-SAN! WHAT THE HELL DID I TELL YOU!?" I cried, as I ran over to him desperately trying to aid him in removing the food stuck inside his esophagus.
I grabbed his hands that were already latched tightly onto his throat. I then squeezed tightly, hoping that I could give the needed strength in him regurgitating the daifuku.
"C'mon Karamatsu nii-san! Spit it out! Spit it out! Cough it up already!"
But it was to no use, despite my panicking and despair, Karamatsu could not remove the daifuku from his throat.
"Ureghhh! *HACK* *HACK*! ACCKKKKKK!" Karamatsu's gags worsened, as they became audibly more unsavory and execrable to the ears. The spittle that formed on the tips of his mouth formed into sickeningly slimy rivulets of saliva that poured from his face and onto the floor, wetting and staining his clothing in the process.
I felt as if I were going to faint from the all the panicking that I had been doing, before Jyushimatsu suddenly came into the kitchen.
"HI HI HI HI HI TOTTY, KARAMATSU NII-SA-"
"JYUSHIMATSU!" I screamed, cutting him off abruptly, "KARAMATSU IS CHOKING! GO! GO GET SOME HELP!"
"WAHHHH!" Jyushimatsu yelled in shock as he jumped in surprise, "WE GOTTA SAVE KARAMATSU NII-SAN! WE GOTTA SAVE KARAMATSU NII-SAN!"
Before I could utter another word, Jyushimatsu sprinted out of the kitchen in search of getting some help. While I anticipatingly waited for his return, I gently but quickly lied Karamatsu on his back, in hopes of easing his choking.
"Lie down Karamatsu nii-san!" I sputtered between panicked breaths, "I think I read somewhere once before that lying a person down while they're choking can help them out a bit! So just lie down while I try to pump your chest okay!? OKAY!?"
"GACKKK! GUHHHH! *COUGH* *COUGH*"
I began to push hard into Karamatsu's chest, using the combined strength of both of my arms. Unfortunately, it didn't work as planned, as the food was still lodged inside and Karamatsu was still in a state of gagging turmoil.
Actually, I wonder if I had made it even worse.
Jyushimatsu ran in once more, this time with Ichimatsu right behind him.
"TOTTY! I bought Ichimatsu nii-san! I bought Ichimatsu nii-san to help!" Jyushimatsu screamed crazily, and, morbidly enough, rather delightfully. I don't think he could fully grasp the urgency of the situation at hand.
"What the hell is going on? What's wrong with Shittymatsu?" Ichimatsu inquired, with a tinge of surprise elevating his voice.
"Karamatsu nii-san is choking to death and I don't know what to do! He's going to die if we don't get him help!" I cried once more.
"Holy shit!" Ichimatsu exclaimed, his eyes widening as he stared in shock at Karamatsu withering helplessly on the floor, "Shit! I'll be right back!"
"Thank you, Ichimatsu nii-san!" I called out to him as he hastily left, "Here Jyushimatsu! Help Karamatsu nii-san while I go get my phone and call the emergency medical services!"
"ROGER THAT!" Jyushimatsu squealed.
I grabbed my smartphone of off the ground, as I dropped it earlier when trying to prevent Karamatsu from dying, and ran to the living room to make that 119 emergency service phone call. The phone rang for a while, (a little too long in my opinion), before a cranky sounding older woman with a gratingly shrill voice and a heavy accent picked up the line.
"Hello," The woman said on the other end, her tone of voice straining as if she found the duties that she was obligated to rather onerous, "Is it fire or does someone need an ambulance?"
"I need some paramedics! I need some paramedics right now! My brother is choking to death!"
"Alright, alright, boy," She continued frigidly, as if she didn't pay any heed to the fact that someone's life was on the line, "What's the address?"
"XXXX Akatsuka Ward, XXXX...Matsuno residence." I promptly told her our address, trying my best to not become highly irate over her nonchalant behavior.
"..." There was a long silent pause at the other end. Well, it wasn't too silent, as the sound of somebody fiddling around in a bag and munching on potato chips could be heard in the background.
"...WELL!? Did you hear me!? HELLO!?"
"...Atsuko what...? Is that the address? I can't hear you well boy, speak up! Ain't nobody got time for your damn mumblin'."
Oh. My. God.
"IT'S AKATSUKA! AKATSUKA! A!" I screamed terrified, and speedily losing any semblance of soundness of mind that I thought I had.
"Oh. Akatsuka...You know, my ex-husband don't live too far from there, that dummy. Can't stand his raggedy ass...A conniving piece of shit that man is." The lady on the line started to go off on some frivolous tangent about her failed marriage and her distaste for her ex, detracting from the situation at hand.
"OH WOW THAT'S VERY INTERESTING! SAY, ARE YOU GUYS COMING OR NOT!?"
"Oh yeah I forget, let me send them paramedics over to yous house over there."
I had to withhold myself from screaming at the top of my lungs.
"THANK. YOU. SO. MUCH!" Words of insincere gratitude forcibly left my mouth as I twitched and quaked in agitation.
"You better say thank you boy! I can tell your ass is rude, using that tone of voice with me. Yo' mamma need to beat yo ass, tear that ass apart, an' turn your little disrespectful behind straight. All you kids is bad nowadays, all of ya'. Boy if you were my kid I'd smack the shi-"
"Alright! Goodbye then!" I cut the women off and ended the call. There was no time to be lectured by some miserable old hag. That's what my mother is for.
"Breathe Totty, breathe," I tried to calm myself down, hoping to placate my inflamed nerves, "Karamatsu is not going to die while mom and dad aren't home. Repeat. Karamatsu is not going to die while mom and dad aren't home."
Before I could continue chanting my pleas to God himself, a sound from the door interrupted my thought process. Ichimatsu must have came back!
"Ichimatsu!" I cheered happily, running back into the living room, "Ichimatsu nii-san! You're back!"
"I'm back." He repeated, panting and slightly out of breath, "I'm back."
"That's wonderful to hear! I'm so relieved!" I breathed, totally exhausted. I looked over to where Karamatsu and Jyushimatsu were to check to see how things were going. Karamatsu was still writhing and wriggling on the ground, trying to spit up the daifuku blocking his windpipe and making the most disgusting gurgling sounds known to man in the process. However this time he was more noticeably pale than before. And Jyushimatsu...Jyushimatsu was just there being Jyushimatsu, which means I don't know exactly what the absolute f*ck he was doing.
I quickly returned my attention back to Ichimatsu, "So, Ichimatsu!" I piped a little bit too fanatically, "So...what did you do!? Did you get in contact with Osomatsu or Choromatsu nii-san!? Did you get in contact with our parents!?"
"No, I wasn't able to, unfortunately." He told me disappointingly. He had a concerned look on his face as he gazed at Karamatsu.
"...So what did you do? What did you do while you were gone Ichimatsu nii-san?" I asked, my temporary cool from before being replaced with worry again.
"I brought something."
"Oh that's great! Good thinking Ichimatsu nii-san! If we can't get anyone to help, we need to do this ourselves! Hopefully what you have will help!"
"Yeah," He smiled reassuringly at me. It was rather comforting.
"...So, what do you have?"
Ichimatsu went inside the pocket of his parka and pulled out a black, metallic, shiny object that was slightly smaller than entirety of his hand.
"...What is that?"
"It's a point-and-shoot camera with video functionality." Ichimatsu heartily informed, "It's an older model though, that's why it can only take pictures that are around 16 to 20 megapixels, and the videos are only recorded in a shoddy 720p HD resolution at 30 frames per second. Not terrible, but it's still dated. See, I was part of the photography club in high-school and the faculty threw some of the old equipment at us students that they were trashing, because they received some sort of grant that allowed them to just replace all of the old junk that they had. I personally wanted the camera so that I could take videos and pictures of cats."
"...and just what are you going to do with it, Ichimatsu nii-san?"
"I'm going to record Shittymatsu dying."
"Are you serious right now?"
"Yeah I know," he sorrowfully inspected the camera as he turned it on, "Hopefully the micro-sd card in here has enough storage space to record Shittymatsu's dying breath. I'll be disappointed if the duration of the video is cut short before that moment. That would be messed up."
"Are you f*cking kidding me right now?!"
"Ah! I forgot something! I forgot to bring the party favors and the balloons! Sorry Jyushimatsu. There's not gonna be a proper celebration today."
"PARTY! PARTY!" Jyushimatsu joyously shouted psychotically. Ichimatsu lifted his camera at an angle, and began to record Karamatsu eagerly.
"No, no, no, Jyushimatsu. Not today. It's still a very celebratory occasion though. One that we can cherish...forever..." A wide smile spread across Ichimatsu's face, a smile that was as sickeningly sweet as it was terrifyingly ghastly. That smile was demented, frightfully chilling to the core, unsettling and would haunt one for the rest of their days.
"GRAWWWHAHAHAACCCKKKKKKKKK! HACCCKKKK! GWAAAHHHHHHH" Karamatsu gargled and curdled some more, drool continuing to drizzle from his mouth. But this time, his eyes began to roll towards the back of his head as well.
I was going to lose my shit. I was going to scream.
"LOOK IT EVERYONE! OSOMATSU NII-SAN IS HERE!" Jyushimatsu screeched merrily, his outstretched arms wriggling fanatically, as he danced from side to side. He was in a euphoric state of madness, a deranged form of ecstasy, a state completely undefinable to those who are not Jyushimatsu.
I practically jumped towards the window to see what Jyushimatsu was talking about. He was right, Osomatsu was on his way home right now.
I immediately barged out of the house door, and sped towards Osomatsu with everything I had in me.
"What's the matter, Totty?" Osomatsu asked, an uneasy look began to mark his facial features, "Why do you looked spooked?"
"It's Karamatsu nii-san!" I wailed, the tears that welled in my eyes began to fall from all the fear and frustration that I held.
"What's wrong with Karamatsu!?"
"He-he's about to die! He's dying!"
"What!?" Osomatsu yelled in shock.
"Hurry up and go in there and do something you stupid oldest brother! I already called an ambulance, now help save Shittymatsu before he chokes to death! I'm going to get Choromatsu! If I stay in there any longer I'm going to lose my mind!"
Osomatsu's P.O.V
And with that, Todomatsu ran off into the afternoon, running as far away from he could from the house of horrors and utter insanity.
But there was no time to think about that, I had to run inside and see what was going on!
I broke through the door, and ran into the house, trying to locate where Karamatsu was. I heard some of the most ugly feral noises coming from the kitchen, so I decided to head in there seeing as that probably was where the commotion was. Upon entering, I came upon the wildest sight — Ichimatsu was silently videotaping Karamatsu as he fidgeted and squirmed helplessly on the ground.
Oh, and Jyushimatsu was there being Jyushimatsu.
"What's going on?" I asked again, this time to Ichimatsu.
"Shittymatsu, being the absolute dumbass that he is, choked on some food and is now slowly dying on the floor. A fitting end for someone so unbearably painful."
"Ah, really?" I groaned, "Geez..."
Man, Karamatsu wanted my attention so badly he tried to kill himself in order to get it. I gotta' say, that is surely impressive if not totally pathetic. But hey, I can't complain. If my little brother wants onii-chan's attention so badly that he is willing to die for it, I guess I'll have to give it to him.
"Alright you two," I walked over to Jyushimatsu and put my hand on his shoulder, causing him to halt whatever the heck he was doing and stare at me curiously, "I'll deal with this on my own. You two go play outside while I handle this."
"OKAY~!" Jyushimatsu squealed as he grabbed and tugged on Ichimatsu's arm, "C'mon nii-san, Osomatsu nii-san is going to go help Karamatsu!"
However, Ichimatsu didn't budge, "Why are you trying to save him? Just let him die already. His existence is painful, so why would you let such suffering continue?" Ichimatsu turned his head my way slightly, and gave me a deviously malicious looking grin, "Unless that is, you are some sort of sadist."
Looks like Ichimatsu wasn't going to go away without a bit of a fight. But being the eldest, I am the real champ when it comes to these sorts of things~.
"Ichimacchan~ I thought you were better than that!" I teased.
"You thought that I was better than what?"
"Well, are you really satisfied with Shittymatsu being the cause of his own death?"
"W-wha-what?" He sputtered confusingly, "What are you on about?"
I casually stepped towards Ichimatsu and wrapped my arm around his shoulder, giving his free shoulder a firm grasp with my hand.
"I mean, does it really count if he did this to himself? Are you really gonna let him die with the satisfaction of ending his own painful life, with no sort of interference from yourself? Cause' from what I'm seeing from all of this, you had nothing to do with it."
"H-huh!?" A nervous sweat began to litter his face, as he looked at me totally flabbergasted.
"You can gloat about recording this all you want, my dear little Ichimacchan, but you had nothing to do with it. You will never get true satisfaction from that recording alone. And you will never be satisfied again once Shittymatsu finally chokes to death." I said, matter-of-factly.
Ichimatsu paused his video recording and stared off into space for a while, the gesture on his face panicked but the racing thoughts that he presumably held in his mind totally inscrutable. My words have surely affected him.
"If that's the case," he suddenly continued, "Then why don't I finish the job with my bare hands, and you record."
I didn't expect for him to take that turn. And he frankly noticed that seeing as his face returned to it's malicious visage that it held onto prior.
"Well? What's wrong Osomatsu nii-san~?"
"Because, because, that's cheating!" I stammered, making up an excuse.
"...?" He looked confused.
"It doesn't count! It doesn't count at all! How could you take credit for something you didn't do!? Karamatsu would still die even without your help!"
Ichimatsu audibly gasped and dropped his camera, his eyes reverting back to their state of astonishment.
"Yeah Ichimatsu! How will you ever be satisfied when you weren't the one who was the cause of Karamatsu's demise!? He did it to himself! He doesn't need you Ichimatsu!"
"I-I...you're wrong!" He sputtered out.
"So go on ahead! Choke him! Strangle him! Bring him closer to the end! But you'll never feel the glory of truly ridding of Karamatsu on your own! Never! You needed his help to do so!"
Ichimatsu looked away from me in a bout of shame and frustration. When he turned back to me, he had quite the irate look on his face
"I know you're only doing this to get me out of here, but I'll let you have your way this time," he spat, "It won't work on me the next time though, since I'll be doing the entire deed with my own bare hands."
Ichimatsu then proceeded to crouch down and grab his camera, pausing and saving the video before shutting the device off.
"I'm still keeping this video though, for reasons..." Ichimatsu shoved the small camera back into his pocket and started to walk out of the kitchen, Jyushimatsu in tow, "C'mon Jyushimatsu, let's go outside and wait."
"OKAY ICHIMATSU-NII SAN! LET'S PLAY BALL! LET'S PLAY BALL!"
And with that, those two were gone. Now it was just me and the flamboyant blue idiot who was currently convulsing on the floor.
"Well, well, well, look it what we have here," I mused as I used my foot to turn Karamatsu over. Miraculously, he was still alive and conscious — albeit barely. He was currently hacking up a storm, his face flushed and his mouth and chin saturated with spit.
I tapped his temple so that he could look at me, and upon catching sight of me his eyes looked up in bewilderment. Looks like someone is surprised to see me...
"Did you want onii-chan's attention so bad that you tried to stage a scene to capture my attention? Hmmm~?" I pondered sweetly.
Karamatsu took it to be rather condescending however, and his face grimaced and hardened at my words. He tried to say something, perhaps to chastise me in some way, but the only thing that came out were chokes and gasps.
"GUFFAW! HACK! HACK!"
"What was that Karamachun~? I couldn't really make sense of what you were saying there."
"SCAAWWWWwwww! WHHEEEEZEEEZZZ! WHHEEEZEEE!"
"Huh!? What!? I still cannot decipher these soothing, absolutely riveting bird calls that escape from your sweet lips Karamatsu! While they are truly delicate to the ears, you gotta speak in a human understandable language!
"Karamatsu looked absolutely furious now. He removed one of his hands from his throat to grasp at me menacingly, a murderous look in his angry eyes. It looked like he wanted me to start choking as well — but this time by his own hands.
"You know Karamachan, if only you'd just recognize me as your onii-chan, this wouldn't have to happen. You would be okay and safe in your big brother's arms drinking a cold glass of beer. Just like it was always meant to be..."
"GRAWWWHAHACK!"
"Alright, onii-chan will help you out, despite you being so ungrateful. As an older brother it is my rightful duty to help my little baby brothers." I remarked as I saluted proudly.
Man was I totally awesome.
"HACKK! HACCCCKKKKKKK! WHHHEEEEeeezzzeeee..." Karamatsu's eyes appeared to be rolling back behind his head once again, but this time he surely looked to be dying for real this time, seeing as he also began to lose more of the color on his skin.
"Do not worry, my dear Karamatsu! Onii-chan will save your insignificant life with this one, secret, trick! My excessive drinking habits and sordid, borderline alcoholism will definitely save the day! I have gained the super power of having a rather portly beer belly which has, in turn, caused some additional weight gain!" I hollered, lifting up my letterman jacket to reveal my bulging stomach, "With this power, I shall relieve you of your humiliating predicament!"
I ran backwards and crouched down, getting ready to pounce. Karamatsu's head shook wildly back and forth, an extreme expression decorating his facial features.
I was unable to tell whether it was enthusiasm or absolute, unhinged, terror. Probably the former of course.
"Okay Karamatsu! Here I come!" I squealed excitedly as I sprinted his way and jumped high, "GGGEEERRROOONNNNIMMMOOOOOOOO!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
