Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever (Redux)

Dying Inside (Chapter 6)

Disclaimer: Mario=Nintendo Me=not much

Author note: Things get real. Things get personal. Things get strange…


Bowser heard a snap as the bouncy beige colored couch's legs broke beneath him. Idly switching through pay-per-view, the Koopa King had to admit this was unanticipated, no not that, rather the state of the Mario brother's house. Gift boxes labeled 'Mario' lined the walls in high wobbly stacks, resembling a storage area instead of a living space. Décor was mostly absent, with unsightly recreational items taking its place, video games, a weight set, etc.

Bowser wondered how the younger brother was allowing such an inelegant home. He always got a neat freak vibe from Luigi, but then again.. Anyway, Mario letting him stay here was more calculated than he'd realized at the time. The plumber knew Bowser's bulky shell would prohibit him from getting anywhere beyond this point, like to the bedrooms. Not that he was curious or anything. Whenever they met up again Mario would probably play good cop while he delivered the beat downs at the hospital. There would certainly be a brawl. He caught a number of those doctors trying to suppress their Darklandian accents.

When the doorbell rang, he checked through the peephole.

"Sup. Sorry this is late, bro. Also it's old but whatever. Here ya go." It was a paperboy squinting as he looked all around, his bike farther back on the curve. "Hey, you home?"

"Grrrrr..." Bowser leaned against the frame, thinking it over. "-Oh hello," he answered, opening the door a hair and trying to lighten his voice. "I'm.. a maid. (What? No. Wrong word, dumbo.) I mean housekeeper, heh heh. Mario's not in! Just leave it there."

The dark boo in an orange ball cap tilted down dropped the paper in a jumpy fashion. This suburb's quaint picture perfect houses had that goody-two-shoes thing going on, like out of a princess-approved real estate magazine.

"Oh right. Here's the dough!" Bowser flicked some gold coins out the door, hearing them bounce everywhere.

"...For real bro? I know I'm ugly, but you're gonna throw it at me?"

Bowser sighed heavily. He just couldn't win.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" The paperboy swung the door wide open before Bowser could react. In the stand off they both got a better look at each other and knew they'd made a mistake.

"Get in!" Bowser growled, snatching the dark boo inside and closing up the door before neighbors could see. This guy was toast, pressed by Bowser against the wall, ironically under a poster advertising 'Hotel Mario.' "What's yer name again?!" Bowser ordered.

"Y-yah, uh… Z, sir," he stammered.

"-Local? Name the Mushroomcratic oath!...Gotcha! You're one of my soldiers playing hookie just cause I'm out and about! Rotting stinking traitors! Why would you do this?"

The dark boo appeared teasing then. Bowser could see no light reflecting back from his dark glassy eyes, sorta eerily. "Don't you ever want to try something new, boss? I can tell you've been trying something new!"

Bowser slapped his forehead. "Nope! That's against ye olden Kingly Law, unchanged for centuries yadda yadda. You should know that. Did I hire you yesterday or something?"

"Ha ha, no. I guess I was extra liberal and gay today."

Decidedly Bowser liked this guy, easing off. "Bwha ha ha… Alright you get another chance. I was just here, uh, trashing the Mario's house. See?" He waved around. "Obviously I did all this damage. Now scram!" He roared.

The boo flinched. "Okay okay boss, I'll fix this. I promise. Peace!"

Bowser watched from the window with his phone pressed to his ear. He noticed the oil leaky red painted Mach Bike the paperboy Z departed with. Wait a minute. Oh, never mind, he backtracked as one of his sons picked up on their end. There were other things to worry about.

Mario scanned the dreary faces of Peach, Yoshi, his brother, and 'Booigi the Second' as they stood before or sat on the bench outside of Club 64.

Yoshi raised a fist. "Mario, together we could pummel that old man.I could even take him alone if we squared off, and you know I'm no spring huffin' puffin.."

Luigi seemed to be holding his breath. Booigi quietly listened, watching whoever was speaking- Unless it was Mario.

Peach's thin eyebrows furrowed. "It should not have to come to violence.. But I admit I've lost respect for everyone there sans Dr. Professor..." She kept her tone neutral, but the way she sat moodily, arms folded, belied her true expressions plainly. "No, I will not grovel for my position back. It's not about that anymore Mario! I can just build another hospital. It's about the patients, and we must inform him of his scheming subordinates."

"After what he said to us though?" Mario cried. "I thought we agreed on sabotage?"

"You came to that conclusion, Mario! I was only riled up at that moment and does that change anything? Regardless of who is right, we must return as soon as possible!"

Yoshi nodded. "With Bowser and his minions stinking the town up, we have to beat him to the punch before he tries anything else."

Peach glanced at Mario with vexation. "Exactly. Were there any more sightings?" she inquired of Booigi.

Booigi checked their phone. "Princess, online they say no Bowser sightings since.. Somewhere near Pleasant Path."

"Weird," Yoshi remarked. "Mario brothers, your house is that way."

Mario bit his tongue so much he could taste metallic traces.. He said at last, "Probably coincidence. Listen. We'll do that but first I need somebody to get my duffle bag from this reporter, Kylie Koopa at the newspaper press. She left a voicemail. It has my deodorant in it!"

"That's not an emergency is it?" Peach nearly laughed.

He seated himself and reassuringly held her. "Oh, come on. We have to be extra safe about everything, right? Shouldn't we confront em AFTER they find out where Toad and Daisy were taken?-"

"-You didn't tell us that, Mario! That kinda changes everything!" Luigi blurted out.

"Oh.. well now I am. 'MKDCU' can be researched from your castle, Peach. You have been gone since this morning, now aren't your toads worried? They need to see your pretty face to know you're okay."

Peach blushed. "All right Mario! Gosh.."

Luigi thought for a moment, checking his camera. "Actually I will divert there for you, brother." He stretched his legs, preparing for the walk. As anticipated, no one offered to call a ride.

Several minutes and blocks away, Luigi and companion Booigi were still winding around town under the beating heat. He'd never missed their motorbike so much until now. The pavement was melting his boots and foot traffic was thick enough for there to be traffic jams at some spots, in front of item shops, or restaurants he'd never bothered to visit, or games stores, some with headlines tacked on to the window fronts. Booigi loitered in front of "Tennis game of Terror", and then sped forward to catch back up, tugging on the green plumber.

"Weegee, hold on! I have to show you something. It's sensitive I guess." Booigi slipped inside the empty Toad Town cleaners and Luigi followed. "So... Check your phone."

When clicking the link, Luigi's heart stopped. Courtesy of an anonymous message boards user with a simple yet enigmatic caption of 'lol it's like fanfiction or something', a photo showed Mario and Bowser walking on the sidewalks casually holding hands. Mario appeared henpecked yet content while Bowser had a face of glee he'd never seen before, captured today very close to the hospital. With his keen eyes there were no traces of editing, manipulation, or any other photo trickery.

Luigi kept his nose down at the bright screen. The only sounds were the low whirl of the washing machines. Eventually the boo diddly realized his eyes were squeezed shut, trying to not cry.

Booigi inched closer. "Sorry."

"Don't be. Toad and I suspected this. We'd even kinda joke about it sometimes. It didn't seem real until Mario became a squeaky wheel to Peach about introducing a Peace Pact. Now this happens and everything is falling apart.." With reddened eyes he took a glimpse at his friend again. "Everything is falling apart and yet Mario is having a blast! I could tell from the start! All this freaking chaos. He loves it. He thrives on it!"

"No.. He's just a chill guy!-"

"Sure?" Luigi spat, closing the distance some. "Know how we're famous for power ups? On our earliest adventures he was happy to give himself stitches every time bashing those bad guy's brains out with his bare hands. Finally I got him to try some so-called supplements growing everywhere, aka the mushrooms the toads were gifting us. Even this Peace time thing. I'd begged for years and Mario would shoot it down. I thought, he's on the front lines more than even me, he must know there's a reason why the war has to go on. Well, logically ending the war didn't end his little adventures, not at all!" He kept breathing heavily, a bile building up in him and preparing to crush all in its path like a tsunami.

Then however, Booigi sprung forward and gave him the largest warmest hug they could despite their boo biology working against the latter part. The green plumber hugged back, tighter. As he trembled Booigi felt his warmth spread onto them, so soothing yet somber. They had no idea..

Mario plopped down in between Peach and Yoshi as Peach was making a call. By her light casual tone it had to be a distaff subordinate. Mario narrowed it down to Toadette, rising to the rank of personal assistant recently. Peach scooped her up straight after college, and would have sooner if the toad girl wanted. Next he knew, Peach was eyeing him flirty like. He checked with Yoshi who winked in return.

The princess caught herself. "Oh nothing."

Mario saw his reflection in the windows of the building across the street from them, Club Gamecube. Forgetting to shave this morning, his finely trimmed facial hair style was accompanied by thick black stubble heavily spotting his chin and cheeks. Why didn't anyone say something? Well, no one had mentioned his new style of hair cut either and it had been weeks. Soon a pink Birthday Girl kart pulled up. The trio entered the roomy interior, men in back, women in front as Toadette took off.

"Should we post a wanted ad for your bike?" Yoshi asked.

Mario drummed his fingers on the leathery armrest. "It was on its last legs anyway. I hadn't gotten around to some of the repairs it needed.." he trailed off as he noticed they were taking a detour.

Toadette made a stop at a northern uppity cultured market not far from Royal Raceway. Yoshi completely butchered reading the descriptions of mundane produce inscribed in old Mushroomish. Mario kept chuckling, empirically knowing that If Toadette wasn't there Peach would conveniently snag fresh whatever from any common merchant on the street and they'd be none the wiser at the castle..

Peach's Castle had banners in support of Toad winning the tennis game hung high, beyond even what a ladder would reach. With that sobering reminder of their predicament, Mario couldn't wait to storm that hospital with Bowser, get to the bottom of it, and help their sick friends. Then maybe once they all realized it wasn't Bowser for the umpteenth time… they could work their way up from there..

"One at a time! Where did it start?" Mario asked the toads standing around. Another road block, they stepped into a front room filled with ankle high water. Others in the background were dragging water logged furniture from the inner rooms to the dry mezzanine.

"The kitchen. The basement. Upstairs. Outside. Inside." they all answered at once.

"Enough excuses!" grumbled Toadworth at the top of the red carpeted staircase. The older brown spotted mushroom man shuffled down each step, walking stick in tote. The other toads tensed up or pretended to be aloof. He slid up his glasses one more time upon reaching the bottom, with a little start. "-Master Mario! I did not know you were arriving so soon to help us with this predicament. The pipe downstairs burst today. My Princess," he added gravely. "Your castle has been in a deluge for hours now. We were trying to handle the matter, for we knew you were dealing with other ordeals."

"Yeah, like the tennis game and the bus driver murderer on the loose!" blue toad added in chippy fashion.

Toadsworth directed his glare his way. "Bucken-Berry, the latter is only a hearsay at this time!"

"Oh, stars help us," Peach mumbled, slumping somewhat.

Mario quickly wrapped an arm around her. "Don't worry about this. I'll handle it. Just stay upstairs where it's dry and look up that MKDCU."

He gave her a quick peck on the cheek. Some of the toads watching cooed and Peach herself flushed bright red. As Mario left her side to tread downstairs, she felt a tingle on her skin. She wasn't ignorant of him using this 'technique' to crowd out other reservations, like the fact that thousands of coins worth of damage was happening before her eyes, but while slightly exhausting as usual something about his bravado was especially attractive today, a combination of his recent fade cut, the facial hair, the way his biceps were getting large enough to stretch the fabric of his red long sleeve shirt a bit… Without real family around aside from Toadsworth, she had no outlet for those musings, just a diary. This was the cost of being non traditional, she reasoned. Typical princesses would not know their future suitors so intimately in advance, spared from this totally natural yet 'adult' longing.

Batting distracting feelings aside, She brought Yoshi higher into the castle and through corridors where it was quiet and still. Along the way, Yoshi's eyes glossed over artwork he'd seen a million times over, until his interest was piqued at some architecture and nature photos. A large print showed off Dinosaur Land's Vanilla Dome with a gorgeous sunset. Yoshi leaned in, the photo credit was 'Luigi Mario'..

To Yoshi the castle's library, tucked away down a lonely hall, was unlike any other room in the castle. Always unoccupied and books consisted mostly of antique children's story tales or dry historical documents. Creepy wasn't the word the dinosaur would use, more like neglected, everything organized yet covered in a thin layer of dust. The only standout was a desk that consisted of the 'computer lab' with out of place looking desktop.

He took a seat beside her, trying to lighten the mood. "Here's another reason I need to convince Birdo we should move to your kingdom. These cost a billion dragon coins on the Island, figuratively, and yet these toad kids have gadgets in their pockets that they think we don't see."

"Be content that you have a mate that values home and comfort." She clicked on some sort of search box on the screen.

"Don't say it like that!" he laughed, noticing she wasn't returning it. He didn't press it as she pulled up a page on the Mushroom Kingdom Disease Control Unit.

Ran by James Monty and 'Parabilly Koopa' a co-founder, with additional agents 'Richard G.', 'Wiggletron B.', and 'Sebastian B.' , they were strictly commission based health inspectors. The snifit, Sebastian Bullet, seemed familiar. Maybe he was a friend of one of her toads in the past. Or not. Their office was stationed outside of Toad Town city limits, but the affiliate drop off was that crazed Dr. Toadley's clinic..

She jolted when Yoshi touched her shoulder, losing herself in thought for a while. "Oh my!"

"-No, I'm sorry, Princess. Let's update Mario. Are you alright? Come on."

She nodded to the dinosaur. Silently she pleaded to the stars that a clear path revealed itself soon. Her intuition told her that this web of misunderstandings, terrible coincidences, and strange decisions were darker than imagined. If not rectified soon, add destined to be unrecoverable to the list.

"-For instance, this one's outta date, Steve! Just muddling the case!" Kylie Koopa ripped a paper from the wall mounted cork board and crumpled it in her hands.

"My mistake, doll. Lost my reading glasses yesterday. Jessie, c'mere. You verify new submissions for now. Rest of ya, if the police tells us of another homicide, we're gonna hafta tell somebody inclined to do somethin'. Like Mario."

The green plumber lingered at the Mushroom Press's front door when Steve, a bullet bill with a graying mustache, removed another slew of false clues down from the board. Other reporters were standing with him eagerly pacing, waiting, or reading clues. Jessie the receptionist, a red headed human in a blue dress suit, hid her face further with a newspaper. Another co-worker, a Big Bertha, glanced at her and consolingly patted her back with a fin. Kylie was discretely noticing that when she caught the guests at the door. She motioned towards her office.

Luigi and Booigi followed, both fearing what they'd stepped into. "I see it's busy here. We'll get my brother's stuff and my memory card and skedaddle."

Kylie with a sigh collapsed into her chair. "Lemme tell ya then that the soda was the key, good job Weegee. Before this other scoop took over, I got through to the hospital finally and hounded 'em until the receptionist admitted one of the patients was someone you snapped."

"No doubt a Bowser scum move..." Waves of bitterness agitated once more. He could reveal his brother's secret to Kylie where it would be broadcast for all to see, but trepidly he placed a dampener on those emotions. Instead he revealed photos of Toad and Daisy back in room 444. "And now they've been taken by the MKDCU."

"Sounds outta town." She paused, clearly weighed by something. "Mitch might know more but he's still missing and he locked up tight his office. Besides that problem, we're trying to solve homicides."

Booigi gave a start. "Ms. Kylie?!"

"You heard me, lil buddy. Within the last hour or two somebody's killing folks around town. Murder method's so distinct we're pretty sure this 'Phantom' as we're calling them began the spree with the Mushroom bus driver."

Luigi's stomach churned. "We hadn't heard.."

"Give it till evening news. They're unidentified 'enemy species', hate to use that term, with weird stamps on their appendages. I'm just afraid.. You know darn well some folk will stick their nose up and say good riddance!"

Luigi loathed people wasting energy on dumb drone-like lackies. The Koopa King was the crux of their Kingdom's issues. Without him the Troop would fall apart in a day. Not wanting to be coined a sympathizer however he kept it to, "Just awful all around. Eldstar help us."

"Amen," she continued with her head low. "There are some crime scene photos. You are a Mario brother so you might notice stuff we didn't if you wanna take a peek…"

Luigi was caught off guard for a second. "-Yes. I-I'd better."

"Excuse me." Booigi backed out of the cubical slowly, not wanting to see any of the corpses. They briefly caught Jessie spying from down the hallway. The woman withdrew.

Finding that strange, the boo followed stealthy. In a back area Jessie finished guzzling down fountain water and spun around.

"-O-oh, I didn't mean to- You are Mr. Luigi's sidekick, correct?" She clasped her hands behind her back, hazel eyes darting to the floor, ankles pressed side to side. "I was just seeing how Ms. Kylie was fairing since Mitch's unexpected departure.."

By her body language Booigi could detect that she was afraid of them. That was unfortunate, so they tried to be extra nice. "How well do you know Mr. Mitch?"

"He's great! ..His work. He writes Mushroom Enquirer. Big time guy. Wouldn't normally be out of office at this time. And his phone- "

"Wait, you have his personal cell?-"

"... Okay I give up! Please don't sic Luigi on me! Mitch See, on my break I was walking down the street while they were still trying to pry a guy out of the car with a crowbar. A magazine rolled past my feet, signed by a celebrity he was interviewing this week. The realization hit me when I clocked in and learned Mitch didn't come back. That might have been his crushed up black car. I'm too scared to visit the hospital and confirm or not."

"..The office hasn't gotten news by now?"

"No, but this might be why. Before he left for lunch, he said sorta sarcastically he's dealing with a nuisance and if he goes missing and isn't confirmed dead, he's alive and he desperately needs help." She explained. "Sometimes his humor is so.. I dunno what to do. Know I can't focus or think and Kylie, those two have 'history', would just kill me if she knew I was holding this back.."

"Oh.. Thank you, Miss."

Booigi left her peacefully, totally understanding feeling too paralized make a move because you feared the potential outcome. Only this climatic morning, though they never fathomed it would be then, did they have the courage to approach Luigi face to face and try to initiate a closer friendship.

Speaking of which, Luigi revealed to the reporters the little jems they'd overlooked regarding the victims. He drew from two sets of photos for each body, no one able to definitely prove which was taken first. One set was donated by Chief Inspector Douglas, a Snifit Patrol partner, grainy and often out of focus, and the other set courtesy of the Press's new photographer Susie Que, in better resolution but with the bodies in slightly shifted positions. The discrepancy was that Susie's tended to obscure the marking Luigi identified as Koopa Troop tattoos. It could be incompetence on both sides, either way failing to explain why all bodies were all found near places seeking extra hired help. Luigi carefully considered Booigi's lead on the toad who was considered their best reporter. Remembering Mitch's antagonistic past however, Luigi hesitated. This might not reflect very well on him if it came to light.

After handling the two minute repair job with ease, Mario exchanged his waterlogged boots for a spare pair. He wondered if Peach had replaced her soggy high heels. The ideal of her prancing around in pastel fuzzy slippers entertained him while he laced the boots up and tucked his pant legs in. Climbing up from the basement he expected the soaking wet main room to be clear. Instead, Toadsworth stood in the door frame looking out, ostensibly 'guarding' in a way. That was a new habit..

"Master Mario! Yes, come here for a moment, if you would be so kind."

He jumped. "-Oh. Sure."

"We appreciate your selfless efforts as usual. You are a paragon Mushroom citizen, but I must caution you on a matter."

Mario kept listening apprehensively. "...Mmhm?"

The old mushroom gave him an impish glance. "Just pulling your leg, old sport! I say, will you grow that out? Or is that '90s action hero' style of facial hair what you are going for, Master Mario?"

Mario took that in and then laughed. "Ah… not sure yet," he answered honestly. "Hey, I just gotta run real quick and get something. Keep everyone away from the wet areas till I'm back."

While he was working in the basement he texted Bowser to prepare to meet him. He checked his watch and broke into a sprint. As he was tearing down the castle's green front yard he heard hushed voices. Over to the side Peach had a mini moat with a shallow stream underneath. Bending his head under, he found two young toads.

Toadette waved from within Buckenberry's embrace. "We totally weren't goofing off and snuggling up with all this other crap going on hehehehehe!"

When the blue toad saw him, he completely dropped her on her butt. "What's up? Mario, I have to tell ya-"

"Don't bring that up now!" Toadette groaned, pulling on his indigo blue vest.

The blue toad helped her to her feet. "Sorry baby, but he's just right there! I know it's rude considering Mr. Toad's in the hospital, but that's what he gets for having bad guys as friends online, like koopalings even."

"Does that apply to Daisy too? And the others? Including a few toads we knew? Mr. Toad would never! He was literally one of our princess's FIRST toads," she stressed.

He shrugged. "Just warning Mario of potential rebels. It just takes that first step and then you're betraying your kingdom. Just like in 444 AD when Princess Mush iv began a secret relationship with one of the Koopa Dynasty princes and made the war extra bloody for centuries!" He teased her with a smirk. "See, I do pay attention in history class like you're always moaning about!"

Mario backed up slowly. "Great work, Cool Blue. Lots to consider, ha ha. Now, let me leave you two kids, alright?" He loosened up the collar around his neck. "...Eldstar…" he mumbled a distance away, off of castle grounds.

When he made it to the city, he was drawing close to Snifit Patrol's station. Painted silver, it used to be a fast food joint. A whomp officer, Sergeant Howie, leaned idly out the drive through window. The garage was empty, the others likely patrolling. Mario diverted to another block. There was an unwritten rule that none of the Mushroom Kingdom vigilantes stepped on each other's toes, influenced somewhat by how untrustful the princess was of any hero aside from Mario and his brother. Too bad, Mario thought as he came upon MK Hospital East. In some alternate universe he would have loved to be part of a team even bigger than his brother and maybe a blue and yellow toad…

Nass T. returned to her desk, newly freshened up and checking the minute hands on the clock over and over. Combing her long black hair back, she was convinced she appeared sound, aside from the discolored oblong bruise on her wrist. For one incall her brevity failed her and now that was her reward for it.. She simmered, reflecting on how she became tangled into such a ruthless place with her being one of Peach's earliest nurses back then. Maybe that was it, as life shifted when Dr. Prof. Koopa became an 'acquaintance', connecting due to shared history in royal medical service. She would later find out some of his experience was from the OTHER side..

Following the unwelcome MKDCU intrusion, Mushroom Kingdom Hospital struggled to recover rather blatantly. The automatic door was permanently stuck open and leaves and dust from outside piled up. Doctor Professor Koopa, after attrition, invited a janitor from their sister hospital in Southern Mushroom Kingdom to assist.

"Howdy. I'm yer help, Mr. Probabilly Koopa," greeted a mature koopa paratroopa in a blue janitor outfit. A gray pony tail reached his winged shell. Unceremoniously he began tidying up the debris without further instructions.

Meanwhile, Mario climbed into room 444, predicting they wouldn't notice the missing window pane. He couldn't locate Bowser anywhere, even peeking down the halls. Then he thought he heard commotion up front. When he marched there however, disturbance involved someone else near and dear.. Luigi moments ago slipped up on the wet floor and knocked down a stand of traveling pamphlets and ads. As the janitor was helping his brother and apologizing repeatedly, Mario felt a wave of nausea, unable to move his feet. Nass's hand hovered over the intercom, but then she simply ducked under her desk. Probabilly laid down a wet floor sign and gestured for the brothers to scatter. The Marios dodged the approaching doctors, not saying a word until they hit a secluded alcove down the East hall.

"Well," Mario started quietly. "You first."

"I'm trying to help with a murder case."

Mario whipped his way. "..?!"

"-And you?..." Luigi impetuously leaned towards his ear, venomously stating, "You were gonna meet 'him' here again, weren't you, just like in your little photoshoot before?!" Luigi shook his head and faced away, tearing up. "How can you live like this? Lying to all of us?"

"Sorry, but that's it. I don't," Mario whispered, gently facing him around again. "..I was dying inside for a long time brother, trying.. Anything.. To.. Okay listen.. Let's forget this for a moment. There's too much else to deal with today. Just believe me when I say that with all my heart, I think Bowser is innocent."

Impossible, yet Luigi gazed into Mario's pleading eyes, and his brother's flatter natural tone, more Brooklyn than Italian, conveyed something deeper than he'd seen for some time. This was his actual brother and not the charismatic persona named 'Mario'. He battled over how to react.

"Take his word for now and get outta here!"

Luigi checked over his shoulder.

"Go to the Toadley Clinic. Tell him the disease is so and so.."

Mario reached out and stabilized him as he held his temples.

"Oww. Toadley Clinic. Oww my head!" Luigi groaned.

Mario's attention snapped to a thin red line running Luigi's left nostril. It was time to go…

Back up front, an older toad woman in a pink outfit, Mariam approached Nass after someone tipped her off. "-And you saw those brutish Mario brothers? Girlfriend, report them as Dr. Prof said."

"N-no. I was mistaken!" Nass replied. "The wind blew that junk over, but while you cover my break you can call security if you insist. Not that 'fake' MKDCU security like before…"

As they spoke, the janitor leaned up from vigorous mopping he did near the seats. "That 'splains it," he laughed to himself.

A few moments later, in walked a noki with sunglasses and a red hawaiian shirt. He weaved around the wet floor signs and still drying bleach, even picking up one of the travel brochures Luigi knocked over along the way.

"Visitation is suspended, dearie," Mariam informed him.

"I understand," he replied, flashing his white teeth and holding up a pamphlet. "Are there more of these somewhere? I am just a tourist."

"From somewhere exotic I see.." she murmured mischievously. "Ah hem. Down the hall to the left."

The visitor section's magazine rack rose nearly to the ceiling but he ignored it, diverting as soon as he wasn't being watched. All he knew was that Agent N's niece was behind some door here. He scanned a directory of the room numbers.

"Try room 26, Mr. Bond."

The noki froze in his tracks, hands reaching to see if the inconspicuous ear plugs were in place.

"If you weren't so handsome, Jelectro, I'd call you stupid. You really think those things stop your powers?"

"No one asked you!" Jelectro said out loud by mistake. The detective covered his mouth.

"Just get to my room already."

The last thing he expected, the noki calmed himself and pressed on for Agent N's sake. He navigated to the room of a toad with a green cap, under covers resting. Bandages were all over his face and his monitors indicated a sluggish heart rate and strained breathing.

"I know you but you don't know me," the toad communicated without looking, or moving his mouth. "But long story. Not just showing off. If I jabber they'll realize I ain't half dead. Did you like Sirena Beach, French boy?"

Trying to mask his jitters under a stony composure, Jelectro stood beside the bed. "I am sorry something happened to you, but it does not appear you have the same medical problem as the others."

"Uh, you think? Got hit by a bus 'cause of the freak that has something to do with it though. Plus there's a conspiracy here but only Theodore knows some of the details and that wacko can keep me out of his head somehow."

"Who?"

"Doctor Professor Koopa. Just focus on the thug that works for Bowser-" Then his body stirred ever so slightly. "Friggin.. He's gettin close. It's a problem. His mind.. So fascinating. I'd love to mentor him if he wasn't a psycho. You gotta distract him. He'll finish me off."

"What am I looking for?"

"Oh right. Here's some details about literally everything I need you to do, including my research material at the office. Don't tell Kylie I'm on the mends. Alright dude?- go!-"

With a grunt as the info was hot wired to him, Jelectro felt like a Bowser bomb went off in his skull. He stumbled backwards and into a recliner in the room, knocking it over and then out into the halway, disoriented by the cacophony of the thoughts around him until he remembered how to lower the volume mentally. Just in time, as splotches of red dripped onto the white tiles. He pressed a handkerchief to his nose. Quel Salaud! Despite rigorous training elsewhere, was out of practice with this particular skill, and that prick knew that.. Heading out he found someone heckling at the service desk, the type Jelectro had knocked around a million times, a young punk.

"But dearie, no exception to the visitation restrictions I'm afraid," the nurse told the dark boo, forcing a smile.

"Aww! But he's my favorite coworker!"

"Well..."

"Listen 'bro', you're gonna tell me which room my 'pal' is in!" the boo barked suddenly, his black eyes boring into her unwaveringly.

"Yes..I..will..tell..you…" she replied robotically.

Jelectro dashed up. "There you are, mon ami!" He wedged himself between the dark boo and the nurse, severing their eye contact. "Don't you recognize me.. 'Zoo Diddley'? Hm?" The noki briskly flashed his Super Spy HQ badge so that only Zoo could see it, then he got amiable again. "Mon ami, let us converse as we depart. Oui?"

Blindsided, Zoo allowed himself to be dragged outside by the detective. Then like a switch went off on him, he dropped down and begged pathetically- "Wait! The others broke the rules first! Boss would do the same if he found out."

Jelectro tightened his grasp on the thug's stubby arm. "Hm? Which 'others', which 'boss'? You refer to your journalist gig or King Bowser?"

"It's complicated, see.." Zoo replied vaguely. "Anyway I can always come back. Not like this guy's going anywhere soon, Bond."

Jelectro suppressed a shudder. This youngster, just twenty-two, circumvented his mental block so soon. With the fear of Eldstar struck into him right then, his grip lessened and allowed Zoo to slither away and bolt for a motorbike parked illegally on the sidewalk. The detective slid his sunglasses up and gave chase.

"Princess, for the fourth time, Master Mario said he will be back! You aren't thinking of traveling without his protection are you? There have been additional homicides now!"

The toads listening in behind closed doors recoiled, particularly Toadette. Yoshi had just reentered, needing to step outside to get a signal to call Birdo. Peach Castle was a dead zone for 4G, something about the concrete.. His fiance was patient upon learning how things kept escalating, but he still detected frustration in her tone when he confirmed, carefully wording it, that he intended to stay the rest of the day. She'd understand later.

"-But Toadsworth dear, I saw where Mario fixed the problem with the pipes. He only needed tape so it should not take this long!" The pink princess huffed. "Toad must be at the Toadley Clinic and- I'm just trapped in my own home!"

"-Stars in heaven! So no hope of recovery soon? ..Do not give me that petulant look, Princess. I feared you were censoring yourself to spare us the most severe details. Well, do not do that!"

"I am sorry.." she groused.

"Regardless, I will allow it," he continued warmly. He rang a bell. "All we need is a chauffeur for you, Princess. My sincere apologies, Master Yoshi, but there are regulations on who may transport our princess. Ah hem!... Yes, thank you Bucken-Berry, but alas you have not a license. Tut tut. Since you are present you may take down the banners for Mr. Toad however."

"About time," Buckenberry said, making Toadette who accompanied him give him a light slap.

"Mr. Toadsworth, I know I've already been out today but may I take them again?" she volunteered, seeming eager to get away from him.

"Welcome, do you have an appointment?" the receptionist asked right away, a younger toad woman with blonde medium length hair.

Luigi and Mario approached the desk. The brothers nor Booigi spoke on the way there, which made the hitchhiking they did with a random fan of Mario's somewhat awkward. Booigi in particular felt a little bit of revulsion towards Mario. They just couldn't erase that sickening image of the hero and villain crossing the line.

"-No we don't, but it's me, Mario. Tell him that,'" Mario spoke up.

The intern pressed a buzzer. "Doctor, I'm sending some in without an appointment. They're pretty important people, so.."

"Am I ready? No I am not!" A voice boomed from behind large double doors walling off the waiting area from the rest of the Toadley Clinic.

The three were permitted through and into Dr. Toadley's lab, a dimly lit larger room partitioned into two halves. One side had beds with five patents in them. The recognized Toad and Daisy spontaneously, tinted green as before, but also connected to proper looking equipment. Booigi remained over there. On the other side of the room was Dr. Toadley's shrine, library, and desk space all at once. The titular doctor dressed in purple was his table, surrounded by shelves of various herbs and powders.

"Am I working day and night to find out what is wrong with my patients here? Yes I am. Reluctantly, can I answer anything else? Yes I can." Toadley asked impatiently.

Luigi stepped forward. "..Actually this isn't a question and I can't explain how I know this, but they have the.. Mushroom Flu."

When he said that the world seemed to stop, especially for Mario. "..Luigi, they can't! That only ever broke out in Dark Land!"

"I know."

"Brilliant! Did I suspect such? Yes I did!" Dr. Toadley exclaimed, animated and less cantankerous as he jumped onto his laptop with research.

Over his mad clacking of keys, Mario heard someone sparing off with Mary. "L-Luigi. Please see about that. I-I need to check something," Mario panicked, fiddling with his cellphone.

Numbly Luigi obeyed, unable to discern what implications Mario saw in that that he didn't. A dry bones was at the desk while Toadley's intern shielded herself with a clipboard. "I said, no! We're not really hiring!"

"Yo, but imma chemist. Got connections with Reggie J. business bro. He runs Fungus Up."

"That's been discontinued. For years."

"Fo real? I saw people drankin em though today."

"That's enough. Let's go," Luigi said, forcibly escorting the baddie out onto the sidewalk.

"Aww, man!"

"Shut up and go back to where you belong." He watched until the baddie was down the block.

Luigi took in the fresh air, the scorching heat lessened by a haze in the sky. He was only broken out of his musings by the mirage-like sight of his Mach Bike pulling up in front of the clinic. Aside from a bunch of extra dirt and grime it was exactly like it, down to the 'I heart Sarasaland' sticker on the back, the vanity Toad Town license plate that spelled '644evar' even though long outdated, and the oil leak Mario was supposed to fix last week. The stranger riding it shook his head like he'd just missed someone he was trying to meet. With a pang of anxiety, Luigi clocked him as yet another Bowser mook- they really were everywhere, and of course one of them would be their bike thief!

Luigi firmly held onto the handlebar. It was for stability, but appearing brave and assertive was a bonus.. "This belongs to my brother and I. I'll let you go if you piss off immediately."

Up close, this guy was even younger than Booigi the Second and covered in scars. He regretted his harsh language. Pitying him, he knew people like this had no other choice than to join the KT because no toads would ever want them around. All the while he got a light headed sensation again, losing his train of thought literally. If your cranium could be opened up wide, as if on a hinge, and then snapped shut improperly, this would be the feeling to accompany that..

"Really bro?.."

"Really." Luigi warned, shaking out of it. "I'd skip town if I were you. Somebody out there's taking you guys out. No, It's not Mario and I. We'd never. (I hope)."

Eying him impressively, or at least Luigi thought it kind of looked like that, the dark boo abandoned the stolen property without protest. "Tell cuz in there I said hi," he remarked before vanishing.

Bittersweet, it dawned on Luigi that he'd let two baddies go in a row. That's why he was a Luigi Mario and not a Mario Mario. ..

After following around that bike until it went off road, through parks, and even through the Toad Town dump, Jelectro had to cease giving chase. If he irreparably damaged the car for the sake of a mission he wasn't sure he was going to accept yet, he'd never hear the end of it at home.. He pursued the other part of his lead, returning to the Mushroom Press. Walking in, he had a foolproof idea on how to access the items of Mitch Jamerson Toad, 'Mushroom Enquirer' author, aged forty-one, technically 'single', living in a complex around Pleasant Path.. He kept reciting those facts, just in case he was quizzed. He wouldn't need them. He strolled beyond Jessie at the front desk, patting her eyes repeatedly with tissues, no questions asked. Jelectro found the cubicle with the 'Mitch Toad' gold plate. Before he could try the lock, a koopa blocked him.

"What's up sir? This stuff over here's private, alright?" Kylie told him, crossing her arms. "And locked behind a password."

"Ah, but I am Mitch's intern, mon ami. He was involuntarily relocated and needs me to retrieve his items. If I may.." He eased around her and she responded by not bulging.

"No offense sir, but I know 'em a little too well to believe that. You only got this far because half the office went home early."

"On this busy day, madam?" He effortlessly input Mitch's password, unlocking his cubicle space.

She started blankly at first and then rubbed the back of her neck tiredly. "Okay so maybe you do work with that ol Mitch. Gee whiz!"

"Why is this building empty?" Jelecto reiterated, locating a folder titled 'Stars' and then 'Chimes'.

"Paranoid they'll be mistaken for a Bowser freak. Since you're an associate I guess, I can tell you that it's only Susie, Steve, Jessie, Betty and me sticking around. I can't drop the tennis game investigation going on."

Behind is dark sunglasses, the nokis beady eyes sparkled with interest. "Perfect. The tennis game is my topic as well! I know what they are sick with." He discreetly revealed the answer under his breath.

Kylie nearly flipped out of her shell. "Get whatever ya need from 'em. We gotta tell the Princess!"

...

Eldstar high above in his great and awe-inspiring temple observed the day repeating. So ancient, almost beyond his own scope of comprehension, that was characteristic of his being. The fellow whom he hired to invent the concept of time apprised of such, that with time would come history, and with history repetition. The Great Eldstar purported that that was the source of the viscous haze all around him. Another round. A merry time with friends on the racing track, echoing voices of his celestial companions, his pager buzzing incessantly, now the cries of the afflicted, now about infirmaries. How peculiar that he could not discern the source of the pleas for aid, straining to listen closer each time. In frustration over his brain fog, he remained on the throne, even as the time passed for future appointments.


To be continued:

Author note: The scifi book "Dying Inside" by Robert Silverberg was the inspiration for introducing in the original 2016 Frenemies Forever some characters with telepathic abilities. It was only fitting that I acknowledge not only that and a fic called 'Mario's Crowbar' by Magikoopa981, where the original version of that fic (lost possibly) that I also read through in 2016 had a character named Mitch who I put into Org. Frenemies Forever. Yes, that's an info dump, but I hadn't revealed these references outside of supplementary material until now, so there you go!

Created (as 'A soggy high heel'): 5/24/19, 5/25, 5/27, 5/29, 6/1, 6/2, 6/3, 6/5, 6/10, 6/13, 6/14

Edits: 6/20/19, 6/29, 7/1, 7/30

More: 8/4/20

Revise and retitled: 2/6/22ish, 2/8, 2/11/22 -2/14/22, 2/15/22