Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever (Redux)

Statutes (Chapter 11)

Disclaimer: Mario and co belong to Nintendo.

Author note: More event horizons, now from the other side.


The pink toad became exasperated by the looks received by his 'manager', watching him from the second story balcony. Was attempting to garnish the lot, spending his dawn hours strenuously freeing the daisies from the choking snare of thorny weeds one by one, futile? He silently disagreed, slipping in longing over the shoulder glances as he drew away from the ten by ten planter in the middle of the concrete parking lot. Unlike most of his fellow displaced castle staff, he had had the equanimity to seek and latch on to and cherish any fragment of normality to be had. The gardener did not imagine there would be any other opportunities to do his job at the seven story inn tucked in urban southwest Toad Town, known as Hotel Mario if the buzzing red neon lights were to be believed. Many didn't however!

A persistent trio of chaperons, black spotted toads chatted behind the smudged glass entrance doors. The gardener passed them by uneventfully, needing service at the receptionist desk. He was so occupied he forgot to secure a room last night, a grave oversight when he was sweaty, caked with mud, and in dire need of a shower.

The bellhop goomba swiveled away from CRT tv with a loud screech, disinterest written all over him. "Didn't I take care of all you castle runts?"

The toad signed 'Joseph'.

"What? Com'on, I'm missing my strikers game and you expect me to sit here and read your mind? What do you want then?" the goomba said belligerently, at least according to his lip movements.

Joe sighed, certain that at least translated. He pointed to the bold print placard 'CHECK IN HERE' on the desk. Anything but to incur the same old platitudes he'd heard his entire life when strangers sheepishly realized they were yelling at a deaf person.

"He needs a lodge," someone with a northern tone spoke up, stepping over.

Shrinking somewhat, Joe looked up at the mushroom guard, a foot and a half taller and maybe one in a half times as wide. The guard's jaw jut out a bit and he needed a haircut under his hat, but was decidedly handsome overall. His lanyard tag stated 'Benedict T., Poshley Royal Officer', and as hamstrung as he appeared, there was kindness evident in his dark brown eyes that tipped Joe that he meant well, even if he did not see what Ben just said.

The guard continued, "I remember this one. He wasn't inside all night so there's no way he was given a key, eh."

Begrudgingly the goomba shoved a room key under the plexiglass shield for Joe. The gardener signed 'thank you' to the guard and went on his way deeper into the hotel.

"-You sticking up for dummies?" another guard ribbed Ben the moment he returned. He was the middle height of the three.

"...Jon, I think he was disabled," Ben replied through his teeth.

"Oh, sure. Much like-" Jon nudged his elbow at the most stout guard whose back was turned as she watched a Jumpman themed gambling machine set to attract mode. He did not account for the fact that she saw that in the reflection.

She whipped around. "You said you'd locate that Mario guy by sunrise, haha. Who's stupid now?"

"Shut up Bridget! Nobody knows where that freak is!"

"Cause you're bossing us around instead of trying!" Ben shouted back.

"Is leaning from those thin balconies drilling in cameras not trying? Is wiring up surveillance by myself not trying?" Jon slung open the door of the arcade room they'd taken over as a base of sorts. "You go in there and stare at the footage all day and then- Oh, sorry mate," he apologized when he almost slammed face first into someone leaving.

"You're alright," the guest grunted.

The three guards straightened up their act in a flash, standing shoulder to shoulder, or approximately enough, as the portly middle aged fellow with a short recently grown beard, in a plain t-shirt and pants, strolled on by. To himself he smirked. That's really all it took to fool those amateurs, Mario thought!

The plumber rounded a corner, strategically avoided another, and proceeded down an adjacent path that he knew was unmonitored, based on what the guard's computers showed. That elation faded just as soon, for the truth was, he was losing the bigger battle at hand.

He'd thrown in the towel just in time for Bowser to kidnap their beloved ruler in the most insultingly effortless way. Being bereaved in the middle of an epidemic lead to confusion, confusion to mourning, and mourning into resentment, all compounded by scandalous images circulating of Mario and Bowser 'flollicking' around town yesterday. He'd in fact had it thrown in his face a dozen times. With every viewing of that abhorrent image, Mario picked up an additional detail- the way his upper sleeve brushed up against the more sparsely layered scales of Bowser's, the way he minutely overtook the Koopa King on the sidewalk, as if he'd be the one to shield him, how comfortable they seemed.. That last part made Mario's insides twirl and twist. No matter how propitiatory his explanations it was an anathema, punctuated by Bowser's treachery.

Consequently the Mushroom King advanced beyond the mere invitation his daughter gave him before her kidnapping, and exerted himself into every aspect of Toad Town short of physical presence. Parakarry rushing to his front door at an unusual late hour with a declaration for his 'questioning' plunged the most recognizable person in the kingdom into a near inescapable nightmare. Under the moonlight Mario packed and fled his house, altered his appearance, and took refuge in the most seedy area of town, intending to retrieve his brother the next morning and get out of dodge.

He'd only forgotten in his haste that this was where Snifit Parol dropped off Peach's toads!

After that mini heart attack, it was still salvageable- maybe. One of those castle toads was a true friend, with vital connections even.


As well practiced, a prisoner bounced off his bed for the height he needed to cling to the iron bars high up. Light steadily rolled over the shanty roofs in the village. Some distance away, the more magnificent structures and spires of Poshley Heights were already soaking the sun.

"Aye aye aye.."

The noki plopped back down on the bench and simmered, staring at the brick wall. All because he had to preserve his pretty little face! Agent 0069's daring escape broke a rib, but he still hobbled back to base unidentified. Consequently Andrew got to recover at the Toad Town Super Spy HQ and the noki in turn spent the night thousands of miles away in a high security fortress.

A few more checks later and- there they were! A gentleman with a lady on his arm weaved around the stone garden leading to the jailhouse. The human male wore a tuxedo and his partner, a purple noki was adorned in a red ball gown. The only part of their spectacle the prisoner cared about however was the metal covered platter in the madam's free hand, shining brightly.

Now he had something to smile about on the bench, kicking his legs that didn't quite reach the floor. Shortly, an officer was waddling down to his cell with the platter, uncovered to reveal a white cake with red and blue candies around the top. The ruse over, the couple that delivered it scurried away from the fortress while keeping a ten foot separation constantly, Agent W's arms crossed, Agent Maria pinching her nose in disgust..

The officer stuffed the cake carelessly into the one way reception cubby and ruined the succulent presentation. Agent 0064, known as Jelectro, eyed the strollin' stu indignantly yet Agent 0088, disguised as a Poshley Heights correctional officer, smirked in response.

"Any news, mon ami?" Jelectro whispered.

"They want the red plumber in here."

In a rare moment Jelecto was dumbstruck. Eventually he placed the messy delicacy on his bench, a couple's cake, of vital importance for his escape. There was one issue. How the mechanic worked he did not understand, but they were impossible to eat alone.


The economy lounge, the more drab and smaller of the two in Hotel Mario: A ninji porter who thought he was some sort of performer, sat on the counter of the closed bar, reading off numbers for the after breakfast bingo games. Zeror and Chef Tim played along, if ironically, for the paltry prizes, aware that they'd salvaged more than enough from the castle and had it secured upstairs. Ajar shutter doors lead to the pool deck where a purple toad, Les huddled up under the patio in a foriegnly antisocial manner. Additional decor included couches, low tables, and potted plastic trees, that last of which became Mario's cover and he tiptoed through the lounge and into the darkened bar.

Careful to not tip glasses, he stooped lower than the counter and slipped into a back room with boxed ingredients and a broken ice machine hooked to the wall. Bucken-Berry had pried out the water line with his bare hands a while ago, creating an opening through the cheap sheetrock. He had to crawl to see out of it, but encouragingly dew coated grass and the hotel's rusty dumpsters were plain view.

Mario eagerly awaited his second ally, purportedly acquiring some inconspicuous transport out. Too paranoid to wander off, his knees became numb without the padding of his signature overalls…

Little feet dropped down inches from his nose.. "Greetings sir!"

Mario jumped, kicking over an empty beer can with a clang.

The red spotted toad bent to level and flashed him a picture perfect smile. "Ready for adventure?"

"Did cha forget I'm hiding?" Mario pant, fuming.

"No."

"...Alright listen. I can make myself scarce for another hour I think maximum. Can you check on Luigi at the Toadley Clinic and come straight back? Here's his phone I've been holding, and this. It's his favorite in the morning, the only fresh fruit in this place funny enough." He handed off a ripe banana and Luigi's YoshiMobile.

"I mustn't hesitate then! Are you aware Kinopio-Kun has blogged about all happenings from the hospital? If we retrieved the princess's parcel from your.. Snifit Patrol is it? -It might exonerate-"

"No," Mario stressed. "My priorities for now are my brother and getting the heck out of dodge!"

"Of course. Adieu," his helper replied, gently patting Mario's gloveless hand.


Luigi rolled to his left, expecting to reach over and touch the console between his bed and Mario's. His arm instead thrust around into empty space, save for a metal pole that jangled. He slowly leaned up. Pulling back the partition curtain revealed Dr. Toadley's lab, devoid of patients and ransacked. Sheets from cots were piled in the corners. Hay, dirt, and hoof prints also marred the floors, the intern sweeping and cleaning around to the best of her ability in some unexpectedly casual wear, like slippers and a night bonnet.

With a burst of energy, he leapt off his cot and dashed out of the lab, not making it farther than the lobby when he collapsed, just catching a chair before he smacked the floor. Heart thumping in his ears, the first thing he made out was the character analog clock above the intern desk, a cartoony representation of his brother. He wasn't sure what time it was when he encountered Zoo in the park, but it appeared to be a Friday evening now. Maybe that clock was a little slow and generous with him, or he was lightning quick in defeating the bad guy? Either way whatever happened couldn't be too bad. Now where was Mario and the gang?

He regathered his strength and rolled over as Dr. Toadley waltz into the lobby, barefoot and wearing a purple sleeping robe, gasping upon the sight of the green plumber. He rushed over. "Has my Miracle Toadley Cure worked? Yes it has!" he exclaimed, poking and prodding intrusively.

Luigi gently pried his hands off. "Thank you?"

The doctor flushed, retrieving a memo pad and jotting a few things from right to left, Luigi found strange. "All medical establishments rejected my special Miracle Toadley Cure. Did I think I would ever have an opportunity to revitalize someone with it? No I did not. If I may?"

"That's definitely unfair-" Luigi had a thermometer shoved into his mouth. Where did it just come from?.. Anyway, he began to perceive a surge of energy from within, as if he guzzled too much coffee. His digits quaked. Was it that or something more? He often had extra senses for a variety of things. Sometimes it was skittishness for nothing, other times something.. "If I was split in half and this fixed me, what's the problem?"

The toad doctor lifted from his notes, wariness sweeping across his features. "Is Mirror Mode a temporary side effect? Yes, it is." He raised a hand. "Right or left?"

"Right?"

"Oh no. Secondary test. What time is it?"

"Four o-two?"

"Eight-fifty. On an atypical Saturday morning!"

Luigi slumped back against the chair, trying to resist. He couldn't. "Where's Mario?" he begged.

"The Mushroom King believes the red plumber had a ploy to get the princess kidnapped by King Bowser!"

Luigi spat out the thermometer. He shuddered from the sudden warmth on his shoulder from the toad doctor. He rose to meet Dr. Toadley's gaze, his bare face, deceivingly more youthful than he sounded and behaved, painted with deep sympathy.

"Am I still on your brother's side? Yes, I assure you. I will assist in any way and I believe the slew of 'cowboys' that stole my patients last night are connected. No, not as adversaries but allies. The Mushroom Kingdom Hospital East was taken over by the King as well and so currently they possess those stricken by Mushroom Flu." Someone outside the clinic tapped on the glass front. Dr. Toadley chose to ignore it as his intern left the lab to deal with it. He continued, "Could that have happened here? Yes it could. The cowboys from Southern Mushroom Kingdom however come from a place where the King's laws do not hold precedent. Would I know? Yes, my MKDCU affiliate Parabilly resides there."

Luigi bit back his tears, endeavoring to think logically. It was the only way to help Mario. Bowser betrayed them. He might have been innocent at some point, but it didn't matter now. Why would the King, knowing his word was the law in absence of their princess, adopt the drastic line of thinking that his brother planned this? Why did Peach even call on him yesterday when she never mentioned her father ever? So many pieces were missing from the puzzle.

"Let me make a call."

A toad that the intern had just let in handed Luigi his YoshiMobile on cue. Astonished, the green plumber rose to his wobbly feet. He couldn't believe who he was seeing, at least without the brigade he was typically glued to.

"I have a hunch your first call will be to your brother. Do not bother. Mr. Mario destroyed his phone to prevent tracking and he wants me to take you back to him before he expediently vacates."

"They wouldn't bother to do that hacking stuff to mine?"

"No."

"Thanks, Captain Toad." Luigi set himself up for that, but it was kinda funny, enough to make him light headed as he laughed and laughed, continuing until he found himself on the hard tiled floor again, gasping for air next to their feet.

Dr. Toadley slapped his forehead. "Was there an additional side effect of my Miracle Toadley Cure? Yes there was!"


Luigi shivered from a blast of cold. Half awake, he buttoned up a leather jacket that smelt pungent and manish, yet also faintly like his brother for some reason. He opened his eyes. He rode in the passenger spot of a wide bodied kart with three rows of seats. He could tell by the hood it was finished pale beige. Older modeled by the tarnished silver instruments on the dash, the plush burst orange interior package, and the wood grain panels. Remaining lazily reclined, he observed the city scrolling by. Toad Town seemed busy as normal, yet it became a spot the difference puzzle. Some block corners featured an armored Dry Bomber kart, repurposed for Mushroom forces. A gaggle of black spotted toads patrolled the sidewalks among the Mushroomite pedestrians, covered in body armor and carrying various spears and firearms. Yoshis utilizing morph bubbles to transform into helicopters swooped around in aerial reconnaissance patterns. Promotionals tacked to some storefronts featured Mario, now defaced in various ways.. He was roused most by a large sign that passed by as they pulled onto a road with a steep incline.

'yaW ecaR layoR'

Eyebrows furrowing, the plumber respelled that out in his mind. "Mario is here?" he asked raspily. He tilted to the driver, jumbled by him asking. "Did Mario advise you to take extra trips then?"

The Captain moused up, biting his lip.

"Well?"

After a few more seconds, The Captain began to exude an energy Luigi didn't like "Kinopo-Kun's bulletins are entertaining, are they not?"

'That fame seeking twa- fellow?' Luigi thought, further jaded. "-Heeeee.. does his job well. Good to know his injuries weren't that bad if he's feeling up to his blogging ways."

"His legs are broken and there's a crack in his spine. His next surgery has about a forty four percent chance of preventing partial paralysis," The Captain volunteered matter of factly, swinging their kart left and right to avoid the increasing amount of debris in the road. "And to answer you before, I thought I would have time to see the castle in person before you regained consciousness. You are an elastic one aren't you, ho ho!"

Luigi didn't laugh himself into a mini coma, nor have a moment to reprimand him, for they'd exited the turnpike and were on official Castle Grounds. The green plumber was captivated and horrified alike by the sight just across the shimmering lake.

The first level of Peach Castle was totally disintegrated so that the crumbling brick on ground level currently, intruding on the basement and being flooded by the moat water was her second floor. The roof's pink tiles were spread more on the ground than attached to the building, and all the grass and vegetation was dead, the earthy surroundings a sea of murky dark brown. The land in general sloped upwards despite Star Hill being located a mile away. Luigi was not very pious often, but how could the stars allow this?

"It's changed since the report yesterday.."

"Huh?" Luigi snapped back to the driver.

Captain Toad's composure remained stony, yet his knuckles were revealingly white around the steering wheel. "I shall perform a u-turn when I can.." he mentioned as if in afterthought, cruising down the sandy driveway that used to curve to the bridge of the princess's desolated abode.

The closer they got the more distressing the sights. They weren't alone. Citizens, toads, some koopas, bob-omb buddies, etc spotted the property mourning in sizable groups, often cuddling with a companion. For what had stood sacredly as the capitol building for hundreds of years, that was its unceremonious end. Bowser was not the blame for once. It was all due to a literal no-body.

"Haven't you seen enough? Captain, just turn around already!"

The Captain slammed on the brakes, making the right side of Luigi's face smack against the dashboard. The kart screeched and kicked up sand. A few around spared a glance before ignoring them again.

"Ouch! What was that?!" Luigi demanded as they reversed the way they'd come, driving backwards literally.

"I complied," The Captain honked as a few mushroomites dove out of the way. The kart careened down hill and the driver appeared to rely solely on the jiggling cracked in the center rear view mirror.

So they were playing that passive-aggressive game now! Luigi revolved in his seat, shrieking at the innumerable near misses. Everything rattled and squeaked like they would break up. "Captain! Watch out for that pianta to the right! I mean left! I mean- Why?!"

The Captain's beady eyes glimmered. "I suspect empirically that a special dark force caused this damage. Everywhere on this property the vestige remnant continues to flourish, dare I say, yearn for reunion with the rest! Can't you feel it, Mr. Luigi? That is why the elevation has risen well above sea level now. Golly, I'm getting ahead. To be sensitive one must have initial exposure-"

"Captain."

"-And so it is an unmistakable tingle on the skin, more intense than the thrill of adventure! That is just a glimpse of the power of a-"

"ENOUGH!"

A young toad was trying to flag them down by standing directly in their path and flailing his arms. Luigi tugged the steering wheel, avoiding the dude by a hair. An ejected marble column from the castle launched the kart ten feet into the sky. The landing twelve yards away shook them like an earthquake, interior panels popping off, the sun shields flopping down, the radio sliding out, the rear view mirror detaching, and the glove compartment spilling its contents, mockingly of medical supplies into Luigi's lap.

They slowly faced each other.. Before one could wring the neck of the other- guess which was which, a liquid sploshing noise alerted them from under the car. Whatever was running from their kart, the slimy dark stuff proceeded to roll into the nearby lake and pollute the environment. They got out and dropped belly first into the grit of the shore, groping around the many parts and pipes shaken loose in vain for the source of the growing leak. They stood again eventually.

"This is a rental and I will simply study the manual, Mr. Luigi!" The Captain pulled out a magnifying glass.

Luigi tapped his foot, wishing he was his more mechanically inclined brother. …Or not. "Don't take forever. We need to tell Mario we can regroup safely down south."

"Ah, a treasure hotspot."

"Focus on that book!"

"This will ease you." He tossed him a banana.

Luigi munched on it angrily- at first. "...Oh hey, you're right."

Just out of their view, the teenager that was almost tenderized kept inching closer. If he wasn't Darklandian, he'd be sure the stars were smiting him. No matter what he did since hopping on that baddie shipping truck into town, it spiraled into something horrific. This was it, he thought stoically. He'd fess up.

"I'M SORRY!" he cried hysterically, barging into Luigi and Captain Toad. The haggard teen threw himself down before their boots. "It was all me. Oh my God, I'm sorry again! I was new here, yesterday, and then- the castle- went- it- did a thing and- the sky and-!"

Luigi turned to the Captain. "He's lost it, and we can't even drive him to get some help!"

Thomas perked up. "Just patch the synthol tank. The rock pierced it. Here. Use something like this," he reached for some of the first aid patches and spray adhesive that had tumbled out the car. He crawled under the vehicle for only a few seconds and returned to the plumber's side. The oil or gas or whatever it was dried up in seconds.

Luigi pat him on the back appreciatively, hiding how unsettled he was when the teen felt so scrawny. "You're pretty good-"

"Thomas."

"Right. What were you talking about?"

To his dismay, the teen welled up. "Mr. Zoo was looking for me and so…I-I'm the reason for this."

"Golly!" The Captain explained at the same time that Luigi said-

"No you're not Thomas… Because I am."


"Babe don't! See? It's nothing. Okay? Just go back to our room."

"Why you gotta do this? Just stop scrambling around looking for.."

"Are you gonna say something?"

"WAIT! It's closed sweetheart, whadda want in there?"

Behind the lounge's bar, Bucken-Berry pressed his hand over her's once she placed it on the storage room handle.

Toadette furiously spun into him. "Your escapades are over," she hissed. She ducked under his arm and slipped into the totally icky and musty room, rife with a stale beer smell, and cheaply stored food, dark and with an unsightly hole in the wall. The crumbly plaster matched the stuff her boyfriend struggled to brush off his clothes and shower from his skin.

"Why are you destroying the property? It doesn't need you to do that," she mentioned as a tease at first. In the corner of her eye however, behind Bucken-Berry's sneakers as he shuffled in was a red duffle bag hidden behind kegs.

"Is that.. Mario's?" She blushed. "Oh my gosh, he's been here and.. you knew it?"

The blue toad kept his head down. "Is this situation fair to him?"

"Of course not," she replied hottly. "But we have an allegiance to all Toadstools and I'm sure they'll handle... So you've met with him" Her accusatory glare impaled him.

"Toadette, it's not a fanboy thing anymore. This isn't right."

"But the decree.."

"-Babe you a robot or something?" he snapped. "Blind following is half of what got us here. Now we can't even leave the hotel!"

She sighed, hands on hips. "Uh huh?"

"It's also why Ala-Gold is dying in the hospital."

Her scowl faded away. "Oh.."

"Don't backpedal now," he growled, trembling in anger. "Soon enough you'll be back on that 'we need to nod along like you more, because they know better,' crap. Come on, at this point we're just lying to ourselves! They don't freaking know everything! We're listening to somebody who sent his agents to police us instead of getting his daughter back. Somebody who can't even be bothered to leave his cozy palace to step into our town and see what our problems really are! You ain't getting that gold star, babe, hate to break it to ya."

"Woooow, I see now," she scoffed dismissively, "Mr. Mario has convinced you that because he was fictitious, we must all be too!"

"Yeah! You are."

What a slap in the face to a history buff like her. She wagged a finger. "Bucken-Berry, our kingdom isn't like those others. Dark Land usurps rulers! Special World has secret asylums! Sky Land built into the clouds without permits! The BeanBean Kingdom illegally imported-"

"I said you!" He thawed, speaking hushedly, "The Princess School invitation scheduled for this winter that you found on your bed stand? I got the mail early one morning. I sat it there for you, not Toadsworth."

She could have sworn an errant launch star shot her into space, directly into a black hole.

~The Princess School in Jewelry Land was an elective for budding princesses and or their stewardesses of extra exemplary rapport. One was instructed all the ends and outs of aristocracy and stewardesses often returned to their kingdom with such elevated status, they were eligible to be betrothed by a baron, perhaps even an earl, leaving behind those peasant like, ordinary, or estranged. -Like Bucken-Berry Kingpin Toad.

He continued, voice wavering, "And you think I'm obsessed with Mario? WHY ARE YOU FREAKING JUDGING YOU HYPOCRITICAL BRAT!"

"No! I wasn't trying to be pretentious I.." she struggled to articulate amidst the crying she didn't realize she was doing. "That's what we're supposed to do, as toads. To- to do anything for the princess!"

"And would Peach call a manhunt on Mario over his mistake? You used to have fun. You used to wanna go out! You even gave up on yoshi cookies so you wouldn't be like 'those other sweet loving vapid little toads'. Now you run yourself ragged under their command and look at people like me all righteously while following orders you are wrong!"

One by one all of the statutes of Mushroom life she'd chosen to inculcate, impenetrable until now, shattered. Was prosperity worth the cognitive dissonance, dropping the things and people she loved to become their perfect specimen? Toadette dropped to the floor, face planted into her hands. "I'm not going to be like that anymore… I promise!"

He realized what he'd done and wrapped his arms around her. "Don't help me out for me," he said softly. "I know I'm a jerk sometimes. Help me because, if Mario can't get away from these goons, we'll never get Peach back. Do it because..when we're doing what is right, everything else falls into place."


Benedict concluded his walk-around at the reception office where there was no one but the clerk watching a super sluggers game behind the glass. His squad promised to wait and leave for break together.. He let that frustration go as a delicious scent struck his nostrils. A monty-mole porter pushing a cleaning cart munched on a Muku cookie crossing by. Ben's stomach rumbled. He could almost picture the aroma in the air, congregating, gesturing to follow the trail. Like he was a cheep cheep hooked on a line, it reeled the mushroom man deeper into Hotel Mario. Getting lost in the windy layout, he asked the nearest staff doing room service where the heck the food was coming from.

"Do they ever do stuff like this?" the man asked. He sat on a couch with a low table in between him and the two others on a parallel couch. A ceramic plate of pastries were stacked high, but he retained no appetite.

"I don't believe so, er, Curtis.." The name rolled off her tongue unnaturally regarding the man. It had blown her mind moments ago that he'd been a guest here since last night and she'd been face to face with him twice incidentally, none the wiser. "I used the 'Greedy Eats' app to send a bunch of snacks here.. I just excused it under 'appreciation' you know, as the Manager, hehe.."

"Of course you'd use food to distract," Bucken-Berry said, toying with her.

"And it's working!" Toadette countered. "This lounge has been dead since piling the food up in the other one, pfft!"

Curtis combed fingers through his oily brown hair. "Not to bring ants to the picnic, but I was afraid it might look suspicious. It's been two hours now since I spoke with 'you know who' and we can't hide the passage out forever. Too long and- the bar back there might actually open for business-"

Words died on his tongue as Ben strolled in, glazed over and hungered before distinguishing himself in their presence. He became aware that he was directed to the wrong location. Still, there was at least some substance here. "Greetings. Do you mind?"

He gingerly sat next to 'Curtis', depressing the couch with his huge figure as he judiciously reached for a Coco Candy. Ben choked on it a little as he swallowed, everyone was looking at him like he was some hideous freak, or a Yux from the moon about to eat them.

"Officer, a mouser is loose in my room and I can't get anyone to shoo it out. You'll help me won't you?" Curtis asked, tapping the guard's square shoulders.

"I'm no pest control, sir"

"But you're somebody," he replied brusquely. This seemed to work and they rose together to the elevator, crossing the bar counter and the slightly ajar back room door.. He selected floor four and waited alongside the sentry while some dissonantly lulling elevator music played. Not standing too close, he wasn't sure if he should slump or stand more erect to obfuscate his identity better. Benedict was no half-pint, and then there was the matter of that lethal super scope he carried…

Back in the lounge the blue and pink toad were on their feet as well. "Crud! He did that to shield us! I know how he thinks.. " Bucken-Berry broke into a sprint with Toadette on his heels. They retreated to their sorta junky and messy suite and jumped on the most clear of the twin beds. "Close your eyes while I tell 'what's his face' he'd better get here to rescue Mario," he explained, sending an extremely inflammatory text message.

She peeked over his phone, flushing. How could he say- Oh nevermind. To see him in hero-mode like this made some very interesting feelings swell.

"I warned ya," he laughed. "Now what?"

She pressed her lips into his, making them fall back.


Curtis led the guard as nonchalantly as he could towards room 404. Zeror, Peach's worldly banker and treasure curator, wasn't superstitious of the number four and in fact relished being roomed away from the rest. Diabetic, he would have to be downstairs somewhere for lunch. All the human had to do was pretend this was his suite and-

"Here, sir?"

"Yes. -Wait don't!"

The guard kicked the door in with a thunderously loud bang. Curtis winched as Ben erratically swept around the twin bedroom with his super scope drawn. Salvaged items of Peach Castle stacked along all four walls in crates and boxes.

Ben lowered the gun, unenthused. "Quite a haystack to find a little mouser, eh?"

"You have to start somewhere."

Ben froze before one particular stack of goods. "Yeah, like this one. Why does this say 'Property of Peach Castle'?" he asked with suspicion.

Beads of sweat formed on Curtis' hatless head. "From a private auction I'm sure," he guessed, unable to see what Ben was staring at a foot or so above his eye level.

"The princess would vend those precious jewels? I am not stupid, sir. She is not strapped for cash!" Ben abruptly pushed Curtis into the crate stack, pinning him tightly in place with his forearm. Some crates toppled to the floor, hoards of beautiful gems and old bronze artifacts spilling out. "Everyone in the eight continental kingdoms knows your name and to think, you've hurt our princess so wantonly!"

"O-okay!" Unable to move or breathe, he had a flashback to yesterday, when he'd presumptuously gotten himself in over his head. This time there was no Bowser to rescue him and if he made it worse, the castle staff may receive part of his punishment. "I confess... I'm Mario!"

The guard gave a start. "I-I was gonna say that.. and not the wanted thief Waluigi. So wait, you-" A radio strapped to the guard's hip beeped and went off.

"-Would you believe people in this dumb town don't know how to park? Ha ha ha ha!" It was a feminine voice. "Really! They pulled up near the dumpster around the back, so I made them use the parking lot like civilized people."

Ben scrambled to click the call button, having to find it under his shirt. Before he could reply the other guard responded.

"Why is this news, mate?" Jon replied vexingly.

"Well, you'd think Luigi would know better than that!" the radio buzzed back.

"Would he?" Ben asked Mario.

"Maybe. Would you know better than to take your eyes and hands off the perpetrator?"

Mario socked him in the jaw, stunning the toad. He grabbed Ben by the lanyard and slung him backwards into the crate stack collapsing the rest of the hoard. With the exit now barricaded, Mario pressed against the sealed window. Beyond the balcony he spotted The Captain's kart, one of several run down ones parked in the front of Hotel Mario. What were they doing? They were identified! Mario felt around antsy for a latch, stuck from old paint layered on. He needed a blunt object. As Ben was stirring under the pile of antiques, Mario hauled some giant paper wrapped picture frames over his head, trapping him. He picked up Ben's discarded super scope and rammed the stock of it against the glass. With mounting frustration his fingers pressed something they shouldn't have and he accidentally shot a yellow energy beam behind him at the heavy down bed comforter. Smoke pillowed up. Alarms blared. He fanned the air clear in time to see someone charging at him.

Wham! Ben tackled Mario and together they burst through the window, sliding on the balcony outside and stopping an inch away from the edge. Mario squeezed his eyes shut as he was pummeled by the once docile giant, now a monstrous fiend. The second Ben's energy was expelled, Mario used that opportunity to whip him with the barrel of the super scope held on to and then throw another punch in for good measure. Ben flew backwards with a groan. Mario, bruised and bloodied, staggered to his feet, aiming the weapon in between the toad's brown eyes. Ben jut his hands into the air, speechless. Mario was appalled as well- at himself.

"If I told you the full story it would be crazier.." Mario heard a helicopter droning above. He chucked the super scope away and made a leap off the balcony to a camera drilled into some gutter drain pipes, dagingly above the crowd. Hotel Mario had more guests than imagined evacuating due to the fire alarms. Steadily, the pipe began to flex under the plumber's weight. The drop was just higher than he knew he could take without injury. Then out of the sea of folks, his angel was revealed. They made eye contact and he dropped four stories down into the arms of Bucken-Berry, bridal style.

"Thanks buddy."

"Yeah!" He ran at a semi brisk pace.

"You can put me down." Mario went, wryly. "Might be quicker."

Mushroomites were dispersed in the parking lot from confusion. One in particular never smelt smoke or saw any flames scanning left and right. Jon twisted in time to see a human and toad heading for a Kart parked in the rear of the lot. Something seemed odd about it, the way they were making a mad dash when others impatiently waited for the fire department to show and give the okay to return. Then some 'prankster' pulled a pillowcase over him in a pink blur, tangling him up. He tripped over a parking block.

"Hey!"

Meanwhile, Mario and Buckenberry reached the kart. Mario didn't know why both occupants were so disturbed and petrified at a moment like this, nonetheless he wasted no time swinging into the row behind his brother.

"They know who we are. Get us out of here!"

"Your wish is my command," The Captain turned the key a couple of times. "Or a suggestion rather."

As unfunny as that was, it became apparent that they'd broken down again, becoming sitting ducks. Now here came the 'zapper' as Bridget, apparently not on the hotel property until now, popped up in the passenger window, icecream cone in hand.

She was a cute little thing if ruddy, sandy hair hanging limp under the black spotted toad cap, smiling and displaying a childish tooth gap. "Oh wow, ha ha, I did something right! I found Luigi and now Mario, hahaha."

Luigi compulsively laughed with her, more and more, his seat giving way and kicking back. She froze, confused but flattered as he cracked apart .

"Alright, I was gonna send a bunch of copters over to vaporize you, but I'll give you a five second head start, haha. Okay go."

"How about a five second push? With me?" So authoritatively Mario spoke then, the guard lady found herself obeying automatically. They rolled the kart backwards, giving it a push start. "Thanks." Mario winked and hopped on the hood, leaving her and Hotel Mario behind as they rolled onto Starman Lane in reverse. Mario dropped back in from the sun roof.

"You can turn around in that open driveway other there-"

"No need." Captain Toad mashed the gas, catapulting them down the street and through many red lights. Cars honking was a wall of noise from every direction. Some mushroom tanks spotted and chased them preparing to fire. The Captain enjoyed the front row view of them a little too much. Giddy, he made a sharp turn onto an exit away from the city. The ramp dumped them over bumpier paths with barbed wire fencing lining the street banks.

"I know that Mario Kart race was two days ago, but anyone held on to an item?" Mario asked.

The fifth passenger, tucked away in the third row the entire time, hurled Luigi's garbage banana peel out from the sunroof, forcing the tanks to veer off road and plow over cacti.

"Who did that?" Bucken-Berry peered behind his seat. His blood ran cold, like he was looking at an apparition. It was Thomas, the new guy. As for the rest of the occupants, including Luigi deliriously recovering from the laughing fit, they wondered why the hunt was abruptly cut off, the tanks shrinking with distance.

A quarter mile back, some guards scrambled out their armored vehicles and beat their fists into the red soil. Mt. Rugged and mesas, light and hazy were in the background, a hint of the inhospitable territory beyond, yet the barrier keeping them at bay was a single painted white line in the road, the Toad Town to Southern Mushroom Kingdom border.

The stars were not with them today!


Ludwig felt his soul drift about in the aether, awaiting it's final destination. His outer layers shed piece by piece, the side of him that desired more badges than a trophy case could hold, the part that held his own musical pieces in the same regard as Kchaikovsky, the part that cackled like a maniac during lab experiments- until he was lucent, uncolored, down to the scrupulous bits.

He used to worry about his future, what might be left of his role as his siblings, one in particular grew older. If he could really make a difference for his koopa brethren in that short span. An army could pillage a kingdom in days, yet its progress may be undone just as quickly by toads and their worker bee ways. His purpose therefore was not destruction for destruction's sake, chaotic sadistic endeavors, though that may have been the rite of his ancestors, but rather to dismantle their institutions and free its members from an enslavement they may not be cognizant of. Like a beautiful orchestra, only then would all the diverse 'sections' blend with true harmony.

Too bad he never had a chance! This was the woeful 'him' ultimately presented for judgment, approaching the gate that enclosed a suspended sapphire colored perfectly square platform in space. There were white fields, sparkling rivers, and of course a stupendous golden castle towering high above.

The Koopaling's eyes, or whatever physical embodiment was left of them narrowed, focusing on a holographic scroll posted to the gate with a crooked nail.

'Attention, Star Temple is closed f'rev'r and f'rev'r, ya undes'rving mutts!'

-Z. A. S


Author note: Lost a week on schedule due to stupid sickness! Grr… But some setbacks must happen with life and other responsibilities and whatnot. This was a little more than a mere rewrite of something older, so that accounted for some of the extra time planning and imagining. After this we will return to the split Mario/Bowser oriented view.

No Curtis is not Mario's first name.. It's his middle. Ha! But the inspiration for that is a family member of mine, who my entire life we'd all called him by a nickname and only many years later did I realize that wasn't his legal name. Just thought that was interesting. Also yes, Ludwig died! (But read what's next I beg!)

Created: 4/30/22, 5/1/22, 5/2- 5/4- 5/8, 5/10, 5/11, 5/13, 5/14, 5/15-5/19, 5/20/22