Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever (Redux)

Pain, Unspecified (Chapter 12)

Disclaimer: Mario and co belong to Nintendo.

Author note: Again a title with multiple implications.


The beige paint on the hood of the car bubbled. The wood paneling delaminated and flaked off. The exposed metal parts developed a glow like a stove top. That was after a mere fifteen minutes driving on the fringe of Dry Dry Desert. A tweester shorty after bombarded them and plopped the kart smack in the middle of the parched land. That was when trepidation crept into the caravan. A sand storm forced the windows up in the kart, making temperatures rise astronomically. The three toads present, all hardy in their own way, were able to tolerate it, but for the humans it all went white.

Mario and Luigi glanced at each other periodically and smiled ear to ear. Their den was tidied up from the hoard and contained what it was supposed to, the large screen entertainment system, a portrait or two on the walls, and comfy recliner chairs stationed side by side. There were no wars or fighting or conflict, aside from over the remote. The television was fixed to Luigi's favored Bob-omb Ross program. The afroed artist delicately crafted a scene of a tropical paradise, fitting as it was a perfect day in the roofless cutout of their living room floating in the foggy dreamscape.

Consequently, it was with guilt that discontentment swept across the younger brother's features. "I can't sit here and pretend anymore. I used up my phone battery trying to get in touch with Yoshi earlier."

"Tech isn't always reliable."

Luigi straightened his posture, kicking the leg rest down. "I mean I know that, but he was moody and difficult with me yesterday, especially listening to my directions." He stared downwards at the starman pattern blanket laying across his lap, jabbing the off button on the remote. "Maybe we're moving too fast with these adjustments."

"-I know." His brother's fingers curled on the arm rest. On tv, the tranquil masterpiece took a swerve. On the edges of the canvas darker skies encroached. "What. It's the only way I can solve all of this," he said pithily.

"Including the layers beyond Bowser taking Peach? Including the freaky thing happening at the castle? That guards can follow you to any kingdom aside from down South? That Kinopino-Kun is blogging for the King now, and against you? That all but five Mushroom Flu patients are still at MK East with no help? That-"

Mario squeezed his hand lightly. "Please."

"..Sorry bro. I want to take this weight off of you but I'm scared. Everything keeps spiraling out of control." Luigi felt his nose begin to run.

"You are helping! Just by being in this dream world with me. We're the only constant in each other's life, right? Because when everyone else tries to change their spots.. Okay remember the adventure with the bonneters, where I had to use Cappy on Bowser? When you 'capture' someone it kinda.. uncovers everything. It dawned on me that I knew already. I had seen the real Bowser. So the issue was the other one involved."

"Mario, is the princess insurmountable compared to Bowser?"

"Actually yeah."

Luigi brushed his hand away, which Mario took offense at.

"I tried to open up to her. Gave her opportunities for the same, Luigi! Now you know why we could never be official." The older brother crossed one leg over the other in a resigned way, retrieving a thick dusty book wedged in the magazine rack. "Regardless of the drama, squalls and pettiness, we vowed to protect her from threats and we'll do just that. - Oh, here's that V8 manual I was looking for.."

The green plumber fizzled out. "Fair enough." A new door opened for him regarding his indignation over that stuff. His lenses upon Mario and Peach's constant relationship woes were histrionic. The brave 'knight' should have the 'princess'! -Nevermind that his brother hardly fancied blondes back in Brooklyn, was as blue-collar as it got, and liked to eat more than baked goods. He supposed mental retreats had some merit..

"It's the only way to deal with the relentless pressure I face daily. Better than your diaries," Mario teased.

"That was uncalled for!" Luigi tossed his 'L' emblem pillow at his face. This initiated a fight that didn't last very long with only two pillows to whack each other with. Down feather puffs erupted over the den, covering the mirthful twins. "Oh so now you're playing cowpoke music to mess with me!"

Mario spat out some feathers. "Nope, it's not me.."


The banjo and 'geetar' dueled with an intricate folksy melody. High powered pedal steel amplifiers with fifteen inch speakers broadcast from the wooden covered porch of the Southern Mushroom Kingdom Hospital. There were no cell phones, radios, or cars speeding in the shanty town, just a distant rumble from the tweesters of the desert fenced off 'round back. Ranchers and herders, most of the koopa or shy guy variety, crossed by, their work boots and the prancing feet of ostros marking fresh tracks as they did business.

After a slew of off-tuned counter-melodies from the country guitar, the tune came to a close with a pop.

"-Dang it, Junior. Whole thang ruined!" The straw hat wearing ptooie plant smacked the koopa in the rocking chair beside him.

Jr. Troopa readjusted his black ten gallon hat. "Thought I nailed that verse, pard!"

Protégé of the reclusive CEO 'Mr. X' as of a few months ago, Troopa remained unconvinced if antics like this were some kind of hillbilly hazing or simply how things worked down in this backwards offshoot of the Mushroom Kingdom. Tomorrow it could be moo moo wrangling, or harvesting wiggler silk, or being the target for cork gun quick draws. -None of which had to do with his actual occupation as a triage nurse. Then again, dysfunction was exciting compared to the lonely Toad Town apartment the twenty year old had to look forward to every night at twelve..

Troopa placed the acoustic guitar into his hard case and stood, stretching his legs. "Head'n to the can, partner."

"Again?"

"Umm. Yep!" Jr. Troopa scoot away, aware Victor P. had some venus fire trap genes.

The koopa's awkward wings that never quite developed fully carried him pitifully low over unpaved streets, aiming for his office down the block. Now here came a messenger, dirt flying high in their wake.

"Sir, hold a sec!" A nurse, a normal one not a countrified version, skidded his ostro a stop at Troopa's side, sending the second occupant on the back, a red toad in a white doctor's coat sliding off the leather saddle and face first into the dirt.

Troopa reached to help him when he got up on his own. They locked eye to eye in an intensity Laki the nurse picked up on. He nodded and left the scene quickly.

"Why are you back in town Dr. Toad?" Troopa spoke at last, in his natural voice and accent.

Dr. Toad brushed the dirt off his jacket, all dignified like. "By happenstance. Dr. Toadley's formal inquiry went straight in my shredder, but I had an additional informant tell me something about your Mushroom Flu predicament," he explained. "And you know how I am flexible, don't you?-"

"Mhm." Troopa flushed harder. That meddlesome , lanky, big-headed.. Also tall, successful, smart toad with long blonde locks tucked under that cap while Troopa had untamable messy brown hair. Enough distractions..

"-Good. I assembled a crew foolish enough to rush here with me surreptitiously. Are you going to explain why your associate spotted me, swung me on that animal, and gushed about your tremendously good rapport during the entire trip?" Dr. Toad folded his arms, smirking. "You are the secretary of this facility, correct? Wonderful to see my ex-partner level up. Finally."

Jr. Troopa seized the toad by his upper shoulder. "In there. Now!"

He dragged him into the closest building out of the rays of the sun and prying passerby. It turned out to be the saloon, empty this early. They slid into the bench close to the western swing door and it struck Troopa that Ruff Parlor was one of the few eateries in the Kingdom they hadn't tried, at least not together. Dr. Toad was a food scientist so going out all the time was for research, or at least that's what they used to tell themselves.. A ruff puff waitress noticed them and slid away to grab an apron.

"If you wanna work here, fine. Whatever." Troopa crossed his arms. "By the way we only have five patients. The rest are in Toad Town."

Dr. Toad drummed his skinny fingers against the table, humming and trained on some chart or pdf on his phone. "We will make due with those, along with a two acre sized area to erect a lab and of course your vacant office space."

"My office space?!"

"Correct. Yours," Dr. Toad emphasized, some modulation- was that playfulness- sneaking into his low dryish voice. "That is your fait accompli, Jackson."

'Jackson' Troopa Jr. narrowed his eyes. "What's the real reason you're here, Drew?"

"Because the only other Mushroom Flu patents are in Toad Town, which is too outdated for my advanced procedures and remedies. That was why I had to move out."

The waitress sat a mug of creme soda down. Troopa Jr. took a long overly loud sip, wiping away the fizz mustache after. "Sure that was the only reason?" he snapped.

Obliviously, Dr. 'Drew' Toad lifted one eyebrow.

"Hon, your radio with cha?" asked the waitress lingering with the two men. "Vick's blowing the staff up!"

Troopa shot her a look. "What miss, for an encore?!"

"Naw, spotters saw this kart roll'n along, all baked like a pie. Mr. Mario, Mr. Luigi, and three cute lil toads are in it!"


'So yeah you can uh, leave your name and number and I'll, uh, call back when I can! Seeya!'

Boo's empty stomach rumbled as the only number they had saved on their phone, aside from their mother, routed to voicemail repeatedly. Another worrisome thing to top the pile of this strange day so far. They'd woken up super late with a migraine and no recollection of what occurred since stumbling into that Club Gamecube place they shouldn't have yesterday. Their compulsive habit of browsing the Toad Town message boards was a bust as well, making them reflect on 'back in the day'- actually just a year ago or so when all they had courage to do was passively watch and swoon at Mario and company, particularly the younger Mario brother, during games and public events and romps with Bowser. They couldn't go back to that!

Boo scraped up some courage and ventured out into Toad Town. They made it as far as Tayce T.'s shop on the East side where local kids from the Dojo were waiting at the corner's bus stop. 'I'm gonna be picked!' And another would go, 'No me! I'm third-degree level!' and the third, 'Actually both of you have low probability. *snorts* They prefer toads. Said so in the fine print of the-'.

Some shadows crept over Boo from behind. They spun around, face to face with a group of rugged, scary, heavily armed.. toads? Boo shot back home, beginning to understand just how much of the confidence on display yesterday, or what they remembered of it, was a contact hi- Boo stopped there, too square for such a simile.

"Excuse me buddy!"

The parakoopa brushed beyond Boo and sprint hopped up the cabin steps of the neighbor, slipping a one page news bulletin partially into the door and scuttling off before Boo could correct them. Boo was a diddly. The pink boo in that conspicuous picture-estique oak wood cabin was a 'boo buddy' however, or at least a rejected one according to the tale he told Boo once, recounted in his bouncy cadence and punctuated by a creepy giggle. Those hibbie-jibbies sped Boo along subconsciously because they were already back in town, just in time to catch Parakarry crossing the bridge and delivering mail to an office building on the street. Modern, it was not of Mushroomy architecture but sleeker, more boxy and efficient with a single cubby on the ground floor, tucked away in a recess to keep it out of the sun.

Boo approached as Parakarry steadily filled it up with pink flyers.

"Mail call!" he sang, handing Boo a thin advert bundle. "No long face. Junk mail means they know you're still alive, so somebody's always thinking about cha, if you want to see it like that."

"..Right. I think. Why'd you skip my house the first time?" Boo thought to ask.

The paratroopa's smile stretched, hovering his key outside the cubby lock. "Hm?"

"I thought I saw you drop something off for Trevor Buddy?"

Parakarry secured the box with metallic clang. "Nope nope nope.. Now I'm a little busy, if you'll excuse me."

Something overtook Boo. They reached for the parakoopa as he shimmied by, pressing him shell first against the metal box.

"DID YOU JUST LIE TO MY FACE?! I saw you with my own freaking eyes!" Booigi the Second growled. Their pressure against his scale plates chilled him to the touch. "I. Saw. You. WHAT WERE YOU DOING?!"

"EElldssttar, hhholld up! Heeree!" Parakarry's teeth clacked in his head and his fingers trembled, holding a photocopied version of the bulletin.

'To: M.'

'From: S.G. '

'You're the only free agent that can head up North with W and Maria. I'll wire you coins for gas. Must monitor King or we're letting go of the home base says a little birdy..'

'P.S. I can't take it anymore. It's eating me alive every day how N fawns over 0064. He sent shorty to Sirena Beach! You'll do that for a roommate but not your own secretary who's slaved for you for five years? I'll show him. While you're there, verify 0064 is cooped where he belongs.'

Booigi's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. The mail carrier winched as they balled it up and tossed it aside.

"II nneedded thhaaatt!" he begged. "I'm bbbeeiing bblackmmmailed bby S.G.!"

Booigi let him go and cocked their head to the side. "Go on."

Parakarry desperately rubbed his arms together for warmth. "It started when." He took a deep breath, then sneezed. "I started.. Okay here is a better way to put it. In a monarchy, does the sovereign ruler, the king who was perfectly healthy and of good mind retire? No, that oddity was always our kingdom's quirk. Well, the Mushroom King is seeking to rectify that."


A heavily loaded yellow school bus rocked and squeaked on its way from 'Bowser' Badlands, a remote portion of Dark Land abandoned by the Koopa Troop since their last blunder of a complete Mushroom World takeover. The National Koopa Scouts of Dark Land claimed it cheaply, prime territory for little Darklandians to be taught the ways of survival away from modern amenities. Climate change brought rain there a lot, swamping it up for the boys and girls, though the severe storm that ripped through last night was a little out of the ordinary, making the rural stretch of road from there to Neo Bowser City extra muddy and cluttered with debris.

The classic campfire song 'Ain't No Fly Guys on Us' blared in the ears of one particularly broody scout as he kicked his feet and mumbled along. The prince dropped his gaze to his sash covered with weighty badges, wondering what was the point. His father signed a waiver so that he could be as any other scout, free to run and scream and get dirty and gross. The problem was that camp only lasted overnight when school was in. After those precious few hours, some of which were 'wasted' up during the sleepover aspect as staying too up late was not permitted, he was heading back home, back to being babied all day, back to being the source of gossip and hushed talk behind his back and junk..

Their Scoutmaster stationed behind the driver twisted around.. "Wow! That was our best rendition yet!" Also the twentieth in a row, the boomerang bro muttered, borrowing the GPS from the red eyed buzzy beetle driver. To his concern there was heavy damage even as they crawled closer to urbanization. In some spots there were only foundations left! "Kids stay in your seats, we're almost to our first stops. Remember what we learned about weather?"

"The rain clouds get angry and then dance around in a circle!" a spiny scout way in the back answered.

"Thaaaat's right! It's called a tornado. Oh and here's.." The scoutmaster blinked at it again. "..Here's Scout Junior's stop coming up."

Bowser Junior strapped his oversized backpack on and loitered out, staring at his toes the entire time. Suddenly his left foot was dangling over the edge of a deep crevasse in the ground. The tyke staggered backward before he plunged into Bowser Castle's empty moat. Across from where the draw bridge would connect was a huge pile of stone and brick rubble. Junior gaped speechlessly until something swept him off his feet.

"Careful over there son! Are you alright? Good!"

A battle tank was flipped upside down and wedged over the moat, creating a bridge for the father and son to cross. Amidst the pile were exposed stairs going down. The thick iron cages of the dungeon were swung wide open and standing in the walkways in between them were Morton, Larry, Roy, Wendy, also some guardians, Kamek and Kammy, and some castle staff, lastly 'momma' Peach. Sheets and flipped mattresses were leaning against the walls in a tent formation.

Bowser's pointer claw darted around, doing a count while Junior remained in his other arm, his questions ignored. "Okay. Er, right. We're rolling out. Once we find everybody we're sending Peach back!" Their murmurs of concertation made him growl. "What's the problem? We're supposed to sit here and wait for them to find US? We gotta regroup, find a new castle, other stuff, you know the drill!"

"Wait a minute daddy!" Wendy sauntered over. "What formation will we take considering like, everything.."

Morton stepped up behind his big sister. "So that we may be informed, harmonious, on the same page."

"You're telling us you want X and Y and not how to get there! Luddy would break a siege down to even down to how long we could have bathroom breaks,' Wendy continued. Morton nodded, except for that bathroom part. "You know.. I've always wanted to try to lead a.."

Bowser sighed. Just great. They had to expose that bereaved of his commander Ludwig, the Koopa King was as rusty as his iron cages in organizing a battalion. Larry and Roy shared an exasperated look over their siblings showy behavior, particularly Wendy. Just an hour ago she was sobbing hysterically over her 'precious' things trashed and what her school friends might say.

"Seriously quit already!" Bowser cut his daughter off. "Get your butt outside then worry about it!" He stood behind as they trickled out, placing his youngest child down and shushing what Junior was trying to babble about. Bowser scanned the dungeon one last time for stragglers, jolting a little at how suddenly the princess was upon him inches away.

"You have my condolences for this natural disaster and I hope you locate everyone. Sincerely. Now if I am free, why don't I remain here with Toadsworth for rescue?" she prodded gently.

He looked her up and down, grinning. He didn't know how she did it. She was normal, like she'd spent this time in a bubble. "You don't wanna go on a trip, Hotness?"

Her polite facade evaporated. "You cannot hold us captive until you locate each and every soldier! How long will that take?"

His eyebrows rose and then lowered. "..I know you're pissed I flipped the script, but think about how I feel about myself!" He slung her over his shoulder before she could protest. "We both get to suffer together! I'll get someone to carry your old man. Sorry he didn't make it." He froze over the first step when she screamed.

"-He is only sleeping you brute!"

Bowser had no choice but to recount everything until now. The King's bedroom was the first to sway, rudely awoken and dumped off his bed. He smashed an alarm to send everyone to the lowest elevation possible, thinking it was a backyard volcano erupting violently. With all the occupants of the castle at that time stumbling paces behind him, Bowser lit the oil lamps with his fire breath. One revealed the prisoner that had been there already. There was no helping him. That person was Toadsworth, and he had expired.

-But not anymore judging by chest moments of the body on the mattress, and so now Bowser looked like the crazy one.

"Who do you want to carry him, cause still can't hang out down here. You wanna go home right now? You walk there!" He smacked her with that tough question on purpose. He couldn't see her expression, but could tell an answer was burning on her lips.

"Larry would be appropriate."

Mission failed. She'd smacked him, pulled the rug from him with her untraceable thought process. He planted her on her feet after a wave of repulsion radiated through him. Why Larry? Why not one of the bigger boys who wouldn't get tired and would never touch her yet be easy to control? Larry was sneaky. She was sneaky. What the heck was going on? Now he really couldn't wait to see her go.

"Is that a yes? So you are releasing me?"

"Hush before I change my mind."

Bowser reunited with his tawdry Troop in the front lawn, diminished by three. Kammy picked her robe up by the hem and performed a dance, holding them up for five minutes. Kamek would not allow them to leave her behind.

"WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS?!" Bowser exploded.

Kammy concluded, patting the sweat off her forehead with a stank face. "Bring rain, Lord Bowser. It will be a wash out. It takes time for effect but it will come ROLLING in and it will bring your minions with it!"

Bowser yawned, highly skeptical. The magikoopas didn't have their scepters anymore than his hammer bros their hammers, or his koopas and goombas their Mario-brother-obliterating-on-contact force fields. They were pretty darn impotent wandering around, disoriented without landmarks. Eventually the only arial baddie present volunteered. The paragoomba Hippity Hop was a nervous flier, but Roy inventively used his KoopaBall winning throws to launch him in the air. The baddie wailed on the way up and down. After many rounds he deeply regretted signing up for, Hippity remained in the air and flew erratically in a northerly direction. They followed the dot in the sky all the way to a village.

Some of the Troop cheered prematurely as they dispersed into the semi-rural neighborhood, air redolent of recently stirred dust and nothing else. No pungent whifts of burnt materials, no sickening odor of death. The stone construction homes were empty, no movement until reaching a tall purple bloodwood tree, ragged scraps of cloth and other unrecognizable stings swinging limply from its branches. Hippity landed at the base of it.

"King! (Darn it, I was tryina get away from you lunatics..) I found someone up there!" he straightened up and reported.

"Ooh ooh ooh I can assist!" Morton barged ahead, knocking Hippity aside. He gripped the trunk and shook the tree out its roots. Roy griped something about the wrong technique until a body splat on the floor. The koopas gathered at the lakitu in a weathered balaclava, J.D. otherwise known as Bowser's eleventh sentry.

"We have another casualty, Lord Bowser," Kamek lamented.

Weakly, Sentry 11 rolled himself over, flashing them a smile with a tooth missing. "Not yet. Always of service.. Boss. And good thing you sent.. Prince Lawrence… away." He unballed his fist and a paper tumbled out, bumping Junior's toe.

The six year old couldn't read it; they didn't teach that style in school anymore. Bowser however pored over the cursive easily, especially since he wasn't the one who scribbled it.


Larry dropped onto a granite rock for a breather, his head spinning so wildly he was amazed it remained attached. The trio made it uneventfully one of three bordering kingdoms of Dark Land. Sky Land was lush and cheery, a facsimile of the Mushroom Kingdom, only less developed and with an extra abundance of thick clouds. He knew why the princess insisted on this route. Pipe Land and Ice Land with their oceans and chilling weather or tricky navigation, possessed complications not worth adopting. At all.

The way the princess paced nervously ahead, he knew it was time to move again. The Chancellor was proving to be extra baggage, literally as Larry carried him over his shoulder. The princess would offer to help but he was too much a gentleman, see. At least he was for today..

He followed her down hill through knee high grass. The terrain consisted of identical hills, like they were stuck in a looping auto scroller, the only references indicating otherwise being the valley areas where clouds dipped and created foggy white barriers impenetrable to the eye. All Peach did was march along. Any of his questions beget an abashed or somber response. He didn't know what had went down from their letters back and forth to now. Well, the castle went down, but what did she care? What did Larry even care? His physical belongings were gone, which flipping sucked hard, but his aspirations weren't in the cruddy place and he already had an online friend to crash with later. Kamek was the curator of their old Koopa Dynasty artifacts and treasures. Larry's favorite was the stone depiction of a dragon koopa eating its own tails. That Ouroboros reflected their fatal flaw, doing the same thing, getting nowhere. Never changing. There was another term for that. Oh yeah, insanity.

A buzz went off from within his shell. It was his phone ringing from a weird caller id that appeared to be a jumbled up URL.

"Who is this and how are you calling me?"

"Larry, hey! We can talk because our phones are new enough to use some sorta high technical sciencey thing!"

"-The Darklandian space communications protocol, SCPS-SP, using voice over IP as instituted when Mayor Koton was elected in Neo Bowser City," the other person stridently filled in, "fully operational because I assisted in the development! Now where are my royalties?"

Lemmy retrieved the phone. "Let's umm focus, hehe. Larry are you okay after that..weird situation last night?"

Never before were Lemmy and Iggy so pleasant to hear. Larry whipped left and right. No one was around. Peach had even left him behind somewhat, reading a stone obelisk ahead. Kinda out of place, but whatever. "I'm alright. Where you all at?"

"We're way up in a tower using Iggy's headset to see you from like a million miles away. Okay not that much, but it's behind fog so you can't see us back anyway. Where's King Dad and everyone else? Why's the princess and Toadsworth with you?"

Larry's stomach dropped. They were soooo in the dark. "Umm. Where's Ludwig? He was missing too," he diverted.

"Here! We got separated when Luddy sleepwalked.. Lemme backtrack, actually it started when this video game launched.. No really really it started with Iggy forgetting to set his clock because. Hey, could you just meet us? Keep going north. I'll explain, oh and there's a snack machine here. K. Bye."

"Yo, don't hang up on me!"

"-Did you bring an ac adapter?"

"..No."

"Gotta conserve batteries!" Lemmy concluded wryly. "Iggy hasn't completed the solar charger yet."

Larry eagerly ran forth to rejoin Peach. She'd stopped at the dip beyond the next hill, like a machine that had broken down, totally pale and zoned out facing ahead. Larry felt some of his hairs rise. Something was seriously wrong with her. He was reaching for her as that buzz returned.

"-Okay I know what I said, but King Dad's dumphone had this feature too! Luddy woke up just now and tipped us on it. We told King Dad to come down here to get us. Isn't that great?... Larry?... Hello?"


Parakarry and Booigi hovered before an unmarked building East of Toad Town. Pedestrian and mushroom guard alike passed them by many times. Many seemed to be heading to Royal Raceway for a reason the mail carrier couldn't fathom. This entire scenario was pretty cursed from the start. To think that the public would turn on Mario? To think that Parakarry's resistance to that would get him noticed by a third party that he'd never known existed in Toad Town despite living here his entire life? That he'd get stuffed into a trunk at least twice? Should have called in sick..

"Yes here, Boo."

"Booigi."

"Oh, of course. You know I never get an address wrong."

They entered a dark square room. The wood floor was hollow, evident when the parakoopa dropped to his feet and knocked on one of the blank walls.

A hidden panel slid to the side. "Password? -Ugh it's you. Forget the rules? You help me, I don't tell the Poshley crew that you helped Mario escape. Your next task isn't until 16:05 unless, actually.." The man rummaged around in the void behind the wall. "There you go. Get it to so and so by 14:45. Scram." He tossed a wrapped conical package Parakarry's way.

He flinched when it bopped him, but otherwise let it plunk to the floor. "Listen, I am here because you are blackmailing me!"

"And?"

Parakarry was not quite prepared for that. "What's the aim of your organization?"

"Classified."

"You've conscripted me, and you cannot spare a-"

"For extra motivation to get out." A bamboo like dart gun appeared in his window. Immediately it was yanked out of his hands by an invisible force.

"The heck?!"

"I tend to have that effect." Booigi reappeared, phasing their arm through the wall to snatch the spy agent out into the main room.

Within their grasp, the person, revealed as green camouflage shy guy death stared behind his mask. "Do all the parlor tricks you want. You and the flaky mailman."

"We both are aware you spies are invested in the Mario issue because the King taking over will affect you somehow." For effect, Parakarry showed S.G. the duplication of the secret telegram.

Spy Guy shrugged them off. "Okay, so we are. I'm trained to withstand sub zero temperatures. You cornered me to turn me into a popsicle or.."

"You let him go and I take his place as your fetchperson," Booigi declared dapperly.

Booigi's first task was just a bit daunting if they were themselves, but trivial in their current state. The guards that once left them cowering were mere obstacles to phase through now. Booigi in fact did that a couple of times which left the victim dazed, not that they ever turned back to revel. Around the Lil Oink farm were posted pink banners from before, recruitments for upcoming 'palace' service. Odd. There were a lot of little eggs gathered behind the pens, the farmer not collecting yet. That ignited a spark for the boo, a clash of memories from both halves of the duality. Boo knew only two numbers but Booigi one additional.

…."-Hello? Who is this? You're an unknown number but I'm judicious about sharing mine so I certainly know you?" The caller's voice was professional if a little phlegmed up, heavily accented even like an old Mushroomite from the more rural locations where well-to-do citizens lived in classical mushroom homes on large forestry properties, contently alienated from the urbanization of Toad Town.

"Why aren't you here, Yoshi?" Booigi asked, softening their voice to pretend to be Boo.

"I've never heard you over the line before, Boo!" he laughed.

"Answer the question! The princess is kidnapped."

Yoshi's gasp was followed by the clash of a shattered ceramic dish in the background and animal barking. "Excuse me.." The barking subsided. "I refused to believe that was the culmination of our adventure yesterday! Don't pull my leg. I know I had to leave and I've been here on the Island disconnected from-" The speaker made a brushing sound. More distantly, Booigi heard the dinosaur mutter, "What is she doing back already? Oh hel-"

"I thought we agreed to not let Poochy indoors?" It was a husky yet feminine, Birdo's.

Rustling noises from Yoshi.. "Hahahahah. Honey, nice stroll out there?" Click.

Okay they'd sort that out later. On to Hotel Mario. Meanwhile a silver Aston Mushroom began to follow.


Stars whizzed by the lost dislodged consciousness, driven by the desire to become reunited with his physical manifestation. That was improbable- he knew that, but the only thing propelling him though the unfathomably vast heavens, withstanding the pelt of star bits, escaping the tug of black holes, thoroughly scanning galaxies for sentient activity, until he could find ANYONE of assistance.

The school of lumas traveling in dense formations were likely not, bless their little hearts though for tying.. He encountered them around some prankster comet and they bustled like busy children chattering. A purple luma presented him with unintelligible squeaks, doing what appeared to be an imitation of his bombastic father to bemuse him. It spun rapidly on its axis and transformed into a sling star, shooting him through the galaxy.

He landed hard on a grey mass the size of a small meteor, oblong with jagged giant bones jutting the ground. That startled him to his feet. Plaques and graveyard stones were embedded, a nearly sun bleaching it all in red, including a body laying against one of them, a boo intact except for one of their arms severed from the elbow down. An inch above where the sinew was broken was a marking, a Koopa Troop tattoo.

The boo jolted upright. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the other shrieked in return for a solid minute.

"-AHHH!... Ludwig?" Zoo Diddley muttered.

"Of course er- Oof!"

Zoo wrung him by the neck and dragged him down to his level. "Your soldiers burnt down my home! Your brothers scared Sam and Slam out of their shop so I couldn't even get revenge on them for roping me into your crap! Then YOU followed me out of the kingdom, shot at me, and stole my most prized possession! Now we're here. This isn't even limbo, bro. We're space junk!" He shoved the disembodied koopaling away. Ludwig tripped over a stone and fell on his butt, amazed and frightened at once at how Zoo succeeded at giving him a pain response, or any response when nothing conclusively had until this point.

"You mustn't see it that way! I summoned you with the intention only to hear your account of some of the Toad Town events for my manifesto. In the chance-medley of last night I lost track of the squad I sent after you and then I felt unwell and then.." he trailed. Too late for explanations. He moved forwards and not backwards, plus he'd paid the wage for his mistakes in defeat anyway. "Did you locate the Star Temple?" he sprung forth.

The dark boo stared off into space irritably. "Nah, didn't try. I'll just rot here…What? Oh that look again. I know myself. Let's say we magically were back on Earth. It'd only be so long before I do this again. It's clockwork bro. That's why I only do seasonal or temporary stuff. Can only keep the skin suit on so long.."

Ludwig gulped hard, vestige reflex when he was literally not in mortal danger. "What was your preferred occupation?"

"The freak-show definitely."

"There is nothing contemptible about that." Ludwig's mind flashed back to his dearly missed Lemmy and his troupe of unambiguous yet jubilant, talented, hardworking oddballs. "Ignoring the killing part.. Your particularities are especially-"

"Abominable… That's what they used to say since I was about four or five and I discovered I could dissect someone by thinking 'bout it. Used to be by total accident too, guess how messy that was. Half of the family moved from what I remember to be an awesome big house to a backwoods isolated cabin like weirdos to keep me away from everybody!" he crudely laughed at himself. "Now join Uncle Sam over there and leave me alone. When (Heart)(Music note) (!?) comes patrolling around again, he can piss off too."

Who and who Ludwig wondered, catching movement behind a column of bones. Ludwig located the Chancellor of the Mushroom Kingdom soon enough at the more pointed edge of the planetoid. 'Samuel' Toadsworth appeared as himself, dressed spiffily, with his cane standing and even waiting patiently as if his Sunday morning ride would show anytime soon to pluck him from this icky deathly place and shuttle him down to the quaint little market.

"Bygones are bygones, young man," he preemptively told Ludwig as there was a dazzling light at the far corner of the planetoid.

"Roger. Yeah, oh, scratch that, we have three lost souls now," droned the being into his receiver. Ludwig had to remember to fix his eyes a certain way, so as to perceive his form. It was a star warrior larger than any of the little stars he'd encountered until now. "I need to get you cats to the Grandmaster Galaxy by 893:033."

"Screw you!" Zoo yelled from the other side.

The star warrior shook his head in pity. "Think that dealeo over. Your physical bodies aren't empty vessels out there like they're supposed to be. 'Miss Rosie' said she'll show up and discuss-"

"Hullo! C-could we revisit that earlier point?" Toadsworth inquired.

"Don't care!" Zoo yelled again.

"Something or someone meddled with you all before you three-" the star warrior (Heart)(Music note) (!?) made a chopping motion. "And that's as far as I can tell you now. Don't worry about that one. We can leave him. He has forever to get over that attitude. In this sector of space, time is loopy."


"Need another round of 'Hillbilly Hail' on the double, pard!" yelled one nurse to the other. Shortly more buckets of ice water were passed along.

Dr. Toad watched the half naked Mario brothers get drenched to cool their body temperatures. Both were shivering, hating every moment.

"Do I know you? No, never mind," went Captain Toad, watching the spectacle beside him. Together like that they could be related. They were red toads. Then a blue toad joined them.

"What is he doing here?" Bucken-Berry piped over his shoulder.

"I am in charge now." Dr. Toad stepped away contemptuously, etching a diagnosis cpt code, if obligatory on his chart. R52. Pain, unspecified.


Author note: Once again, sickness delaying me plus an intentional pause of sorts. As predictable at this point, I had a rut before it all came together.

Fun fact: Utterly coincidental, but the originator of that bygones phase is Samuel Rutherford, (1636). That is NOT the origin of Toadsworth's name! I meant to reveal his Christian name chapters ago when Zoo 'doxed' Peach castle. During editing that got cut.

Created: 5/17/22, 5/22- 5/24, 5/25, 5/27, 6/1, 6/6, 6/7, 6/8-6/10, 6/11, 6/12, 6/13