Episode #26:
"To Train on Mt. Terror"

FEATURING THE VOICES OF:
JOHN BURGMEIER
as Ranma
MEREDITH McCOY as Ranko
JUSTIN COOK as Kenma
JOHN SWASEY as Genma
KENT WILLIAMS as Soun
KARA EDWARDS as Akane
VIC MIGNOGNA as Akimitsu
LAURA BAILEY as Nabiki
CYNTHIA CRANZ as Kasumi
SEAN TEAGUE as Ryoga
LINDA YOUNG as Cologne
LUCI CHRISTIAN as Shampoo
ERIC V. JOHNSON as Jinn

In case you couldn't tell, the BREAKING POINT arc will be dubbed with the cast from FUNimation Productions/Okratron 5000.

FUNimation —We Used to Be Cool!

Also, my cowriter and I have decided we're not going to do the Martial-Arts Dining Arc. For one, how would Ranma utilize the skill outside of those specific conditions? Second, the arc is really painful to watch, because it's mostly just Ranma being deprived of food and growing weaker to the point of nearly dying of starvation. And for what? His pride, and because he can't stick his tongue out like a frog, as instructed by some snobby french bitch whose hair looks like a big chicken/turkey.


REVIEW REPLIES

Chris Ketchum, and Guest: Had to resolve Azusa's issues, because I do not plan on using her ever again. Also, Mxyzptlk will show up again sometime soon. We'll need to think on it.


One afternoon, Ranma received a letter from Ryoga.

Ranma, I am doing special training in the lowland mountains of Japan. This Friday, I'll be coming to the Tendo Dojo. I hope you and your brother have washed your necks so you'll be ready for the axe. This time, you shall meet your doom.

Ryoga

"Wash your neck for the axe? You shall meet your doom?" Kenma recited as he skimmed the letter. "Sheesh, how corny can you GET?"

"Isn't that a letter of challenge?" inquired Akane.

"That's one way to put it," shrugged Ranma.

"Let me see that," said Akane as she pinched the letter from Ranma's grasp and looked it over.

"That boy has a very weird sense of humor," commented Nabiki.

"No kiddin'," Kenma agreed. "Besides, ya need a brain t' make jokes, and for Ryoga, that's in REAL short supply!"

Akane put down the letter. "Ranma, Friday is today!" she exclaimed.

"Ah, so what?" asked Ranma dismissively. "Not like anyone really expected him to show up on time. I'll give him another week."

"Yeah, who knows where he could've gotten to?" Kenma snickered, and he sang a little ditty: "Delaware, Amazon, Belize or Montana; it could be Machu Picchu, or even Alabama; through the forests and across the seas, where in the world could Ryoga be? Ha-ha-ha!"

"Nice song, Ken!" Ranma congratulated his brother. "Did ya come up with it yourself?"

"As a matter of fact, I did!" grinned Kenma proudly.


ONE WEEK LATER...

As Ryoga surveyed his surroundings, he saw someone running past wearing a Furinkan High Track Team jacket.

"Furinkan…" he muttered, as his eyes widened. "That means—that against all odds, I've finally made it to Akane's home town!"

Ryoga gazed out into the distance, a wicked smile on his face. "Ranma Saotome…TODAY WE END THIS!" he declared. "And when you're dead, I'LL SEND YOUR BROTHER TO JOIN YOU! A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The bandana-clad boy was so caught up in his revenge fantasies that he was completely caught off-guard when a little boy shot him with his squirt gun.

Within seconds, fingers became trotters, a nose became a flat little snout, and Ryoga was back to being Wilbur.


SHORTLY, AT THE CAT CAFE…

Shampoo was in the middle of waiting tables when Cologne returned from running errands.

"Ah! Welcome back, great-grandmother!" the purple-haired cutie beamed.

"Looks like we're pretty lucky today, Shampoo," said Cologne as she held up a familiar struggling black piglet. "I found this little guy on my way home. Doesn't he look tasty?"

Shampoo nodded. "Yup. Looks nice and fat, too!" she grinned.

Wilbur squealed and whined as much as he could, but nobody could speak pig [and it's fortunate they couldn't, because he said some very appalling things in pig].

"Hush, now; it'll be all over soon enough," Cologne advised as she carried the pig to the kitchen. "Don't make this hard for both of us, struggling just leaves you with less dignity."

As Cologne got ready to prepare her little prize, Shampoo noticed the bandana around his neck.

That pig looks awfully familiar… she thought to herself. Within seconds, a picture of Akane cradling the little porker flew into her mind.

Ah, that's it then…Ryoga. I wonder if I should maybe try to stop great-grandmother? pondered Shampoo.

She looked into the back window of the kitchen and saw Cologne holding the piglet over a pot of bubbling water.

I can afford to wait a few more seconds, shrugged Shampoo with a crafty smile. Besides, I don't think Great-Grandmother will be in a cooking mood in a few more minutes.

"Just think, little one; you'll be feeding dozens of hungry stomachs in a few minutes' time," Cologne told the squealing piglet. "You'll thank me for this one day…from beyond, of course."

And with that, Cologne tossed the piglet into the pot and started stirring. A split second later, Ryoga burst out of the water, his skin red as a fire extinguisher and screaming at the top of his lungs. "GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Cologne sighed. "Well…easy come, easy go," she shrugged.

"You could've burned my flesh off, you crazy old biddy!" Ryoga screamed as he grabbed Cologne by the front of her shirt.

"Could have," replied Cologne, as she flipped him over and made him fall right on his face. "But I didn't. So who ARE you, anyway?"

"My name is Ryoga Hibiki," glowered the lost boy. "And I've got more than a few bones to pick with your future sons-in-law!"

"But first," Cologne stated as she gave the lost boy a disgruntled look. "Put some clothes on, boy."


ONE EXPLANATION LATER...

"...if he hadn't run off to China like a coward, this never would have happened!" Ryoga finished his story.

"So you're a friend of theirs, eh?" asked Cologne.

"RANMA AND KENMA ARE NOT MY FRIENDS!" Ryoga spat. "Those two are the cause of my suffering, you know!"

"...I see," Cologne replied, before she took a sip of her tea. "Let's see if I've got this straight…'Oooh, it's Ranma's fault I turn into a pig, he's the cause of every single one of my misfortunes—every spilled cup, every broken pencil, it's all his fault! Should I actually accept the consequences of my actions and resolve to be a better person? Hmmm…no, that's far too difficult! I'd much rather blame Ranma for why Akane only sees me as a friend, instead of [VERY, VERY CENSORED]!"

Shampoo gasped. "Great-Grandmother…!"

"I don't CARE if it's mean, Shampoo!" Cologne insisted. "This whiny little punk needs to quit blaming every little thing that goes wrong on Ranma!"

"No, no, you were right for that," explained Shampoo. "I was just impressed by the fact that my Great-Grandmother knows so many sexual terms!"

Cologne gave a wrinkled smile. "Well, I wasn't always this old," she replied.

"One thing that confuses me," said Shampoo. "I always thought there were only 7 bad words…where did you get the other 6?"

Cologne gave a wry chuckle. "You have much to learn, child." she replied, as she took a log from nearby, and tossed it into the air. Jabbing at it multiple times, she caused it to burst into an ear-cleaning implement while the other pieces fell to the side.

As much as Ryoga hated to admit it, the old lady was definitely fast. But of course, he wouldn't admit it. In fact, he wouldn't say it.

"So kid, wanna join forces?" asked Cologne.

"In what way?" Ryoga replied.

"I'm offering to train you, blockhead," the old woman remarked.

Ryoga snorted as he got to his feet. "Thanks, but no thanks," he replied as he went to the door. "Don't take it personally, but I'm not so weak that I need training from some old codger. See ya, granny."

"Is that how it is?" chuckled Cologne. "Well, whenever you change your mind, feel free to come find me anytime."

"Yeah, like that'll ever happen," scoffed Ryoga as he opened the door, and walked out of the room.

…three hours later, he still hadn't found his way out of the building.

As Ryoga was wandering around their home, Cologne and Shampoo got bored of his wandering, and decided to watch some television to distract themselves.

They were just finishing up an episode of Science Ninja Team Gatchaman when they overheard Ryoga's voice. "...excuse me…"

Shampoo didn't even look away from the TV. "You still here?" she asked, feeling particularly miffed.

"If you've had a change of heart, you know you could just tell me, right?" Cologne informed the eternally-lost boy.

"That's NOT it!" Ryoga shouted, before he glanced downwards. "...I just can't find the door, that's all…"

Shampoo and Cologne glanced at each other; Kenma wasn't just exaggerating—Ryoga really DID have a repugnant sense of direction!

"For the tenth time, you idiot," Shampoo said as she pointed to her left. "The door is THAT way!"

Ryoga glanced over and nodded. Of course, instead of going out the door, all he found was the bathroom.

Shampoo plotzed from sheer shock. "Even a cabbage would have a better chance of finding its way out!" she groused.


"Akane, could you and Aki run out and pick up some of those noodles Father likes?" asked Kasumi.

"Awww, but do I have to do it?" Akane complained. "I was just getting ready to go practice!"

"Akane, you can chop boards and break cinder blocks anytime," replied Soun. "Besides, today is our annual sukiyaki party, and it's not sukiyaki without noodles! To do such a thing would be like Alvin without Simon and Theodore, Garfield without his lasagna!"

"Too true!" Genma chimed in. "It'd be like Ranma without Akane!"

And that was the final straw. "Alright already, we'll GO!" Akane groused. "Come on, Aki. Maybe when we get back, Mr. Saotome will have finally cleared the rocks from his head!"

"It's a long-shot, but medical science has made miracles happen before," replied Aki.


At that very moment, Ranma and Kenma were on their way home with a tiny eel in a fishbowl.

"What kind of patient gives their doctor eels?" questioned Kenma, who was perched atop Ranma's shoulder in the form of a monkey.

"Who knows? Maybe it's some new-fangled alternative medicine." Ranma said as gently shrugged his shoulders, making sure not to spill any of the water.

Of course, at that same time, Ryoga was making his way up the street. Ranma Saotome…today is the day I'll knock you to the ground and make you beg for mercy!

For a few seconds, both parties didn't even notice that they'd passed by each other as Ranma walked by on top of a brick wall. But when Ryoga recognized his old opponent, he immediately leapt onto the wall and charged at him with a punch.

"Oh hey, Ryoga. You're a week late." Ranma teased as he sidestepped the punch.

"But for you, that must be early!" Kenma added as he changed back to his human form.

"Get off my back, Kenma! I just got lost, that's all!" Ryoga shouted in anger.

"In other news, bird crap is WHITE!" Kenma retorted. "That's your whole character, your dumb ass gets lost all the time!"

"Grrr!" the lost boy growled in anger. "That's it! Come 'ere!" he shouted as charged at both brothers while they both jumped out of the way.

"Can't this wait, Ryoga? We kinda got a delivery to make here!" Ranma pleaded while dodging Ryoga's furious punches.

"Well, then if that's the only problem, maybe I should deprive you of your distraction!" sneered Ryoga, before he started swinging to destroy the fishbowl.

"Okay, seriously? THAT'S your solution?" asked Kenma as he grabbed Ryoga by the neck using his tail. "IF WE CAN WAIT A WEEK FOR YOUR SORRY ASS TO WANDER THE PLANET, THEN YOU CAN WAIT FIVE FUCKING MINUTES WHILE WE DELIVER A GODDAMN EEL!"

By the time he finished his sentence, he was tail-squeezing Ryoga's neck so tightly that his face was turning blue.

Grabbing about wildly, Ryoga snatched a length of the tail and started twisting it as hard as he could.

Kenma let out a screech and withdrew his tail, cradling it in his hands as he tried to soothe it. "Oooh, you miserable swine! You'll pay for that!" he vowed before Ryoga shot forward and elbowed him in the gut.

CH-KOOM!

Kenma's eyes shot wide open, and he clutched his stomach in pain…but not really. "...okay, that was solid, I'll admit," he informed the pig-boy. "But I bet you didn't prepare…FOR THAT!" he shouted, pointing to the left.

"Huh?" Ryoga asked, looking to the left—right before Ranma dealt him a sweep-kick from behind that knocked him off his feet and sent him tumbling towards the nearby fountain.

Before he could fall in, however, he was caught by Kenma's tail again.

"Any twisting or biting, and I will drop you," the monkey boy advised firmly.

"I wouldn't take that lightly, man! He'll do it!" the other Saotome brother stated.

Of course, their little fight was interrupted by the arrival of Akane and Aki.

"Don't you guys EVER stop fighting?" the short-haired girl asked.

Kenma crossed his arms in a very little-kid-like manner. "HE started it! We were just mindin' our own business, and he came outta nowhere, swinging like a maniac!" he exclaimed, flailing his arms about wildly.

"That does sound like Ryoga's usual M.O." The sportsman said.

Nearby, Ryoga was sweating bullets. What'll I do? Being beaten by Ranma and his monkey brother was bad enough…but in front of Akane? I could just DIE! he thought.

Suddenly, Ranma lifted his left hand and caught Ryoga's punch in mid-air. "Ah-ah-ah…someone's being very naughty," he chided the bandana-wearing boy. "And after I told Kenma to make sure he didn't fall, too!"

Kenma snickered. "Yeah! Shame on him!" he agreed. "In fact…" With a whip of the tail, he tossed Ryoga into the air and started juggling him about like he was tossing pizza dough. "I think he needs a lesson in being grateful!"

Ryoga flailed furiously as he suddenly found himself being tossed between the two brothers.

"STOP IT! I WON'T BE DISRESPECTED LIKE THIS! YOU WILL PAY!" he screamed.

"Pizza, pizza, make it outta doooough; pizza, pizza, how I love it soooo, toss it up and down and watch it rise into the skyyyyyy~" sang Kenma. "Now I make pepperoni out of this leetle guy, HEY!~"

By the time they were done tossing him about, Ryoga's arms and legs were so tangled up, you'd think he had been playing a game of Extreme Twister.

Akimistu was in a fit of hysterical laughter as Akane was just glaring at the brothers.

"Would it kill you to treat Ryoga nicer?" she asked. "You don't have to bully him everytime you see him."

"Bully? WHO'S a bully?" asked Kenma. "He's the one always dropping in to throw hands! Always with the 'RANMA, I'M GONNA KILL YOU' and BLAH-BLAH-BLAH!"

"Besides, who's the bigger bully here, the bully, or the bully who tries to mess the bully's delivery?" Ranma asked rhetorically.

"All the same, it's not exactly a good look if you're picking on weaklings like Ryoga!" Akane snapped, making Ryoga's eyes bulge out of his head. He practically crumbled into dust at the idea of being called a "weakling" by the girl he was so infatuated with.

Immediately, he hopped out of Ranma's clutch and skittered off as fast as his fingers could carry him. "Don't go and PITY me, Akane…!" he sniffled. "DON'T YOU PITY ME!"

Akane reached out in vain. "Ryoga! Ryoga, wait!" she called out. Once she saw he wasn't returning, she turned and glared at the brothers. "You two must feel SO proud of yourselves, picking on someone who can't even defend himself, huh?"

Kenma rolled his eyes. "Sheesh…the way you're all fussing over Ryoga like that, one might get the idea that he was your boyfriend!" he observed.

Aki was still rolling around on the ground, laughing his ass off.

"Breathe, Man! Breathe!" Ranma pleaded with him.

"I'm tryin'" the young sportsman said as he struggled to catch his breath. Eventually, though, he was able to get his bearings back. "We better get a move on, Akane. We need those noodles for sukiyaki."

Akane sighed. "Alright…I'm coming, Aki," she said as she turned and ran back over to her boyfriend.

"Now if you'll excuse us, we need to drop off this little guy." Ranma said, referring to the eel.

"Yeah!" Kenma said as he changed back into a monkey and scampered back onto his shoulder perch. "See ya later!"

"Ya know, Ken, Ryoga was a total pushover this time around." the ponytailed boy stated.

"You think so?" asked Kenma, scratching his chin. "And after all that training he did, too! What a waste."

"Call me crazy, but I think we've both gotten better. I mean, Ryoga's not the only one who's been training."

"Oo-oo! Hey, YEAH," Kenma nodded. "I mean, we've been having all sorts of zany escapades, from which we've pulled many a-new technique!"

"So that means we HAVE improved!" Ranma said with a smile.

"Hell yeah!" Kenma declared. "Who's bad? Who's bad?"

"We bad! We bad!" Ranma chimed in. And they both slapped fives.


LATER, AT HOME…

"YOU CALLOW, ARROGANT PUPS!" Genma spat in anger.

"...well, if ya didn't know, you could've at least said so," Kenma replied as he snapped up the meat from the tray in the center of the table.

"All I wanted to know was if we got any stronger!" Ranma insisted. "I mean, usually Ryoga makes me struggle a little, but today we pancaked 'im!"

"Don't get a big head over one victory!" Genma scolded.

"One hilarious victory, mind you." stated Kenma as he filled a bowl and started tucking into the food.

"It was so funny that Aki almost died from laughing so hard!" Ranma agreed.

"He's right, I did fall over laughing," Aki acknowledged after swallowing his food. "...seconds, please."

Kasumi happily refilled his bowl with a smile.

"Daddy, could you pass me the pepper?" asked Akane.

"Certainly!/Sure!" Soun and Akimitsu said as they both reached out for the pepper…only to realize what had just happened.

"Wait, what?!" the Tendo patriarch exclaimed.

Aki immediately clammed up, and his face went bright-red.

"Hmph! What you boys need is some good spiritual training!" the Saotome patriarch stated.

"And I suppose you're gonna give it to us, then?" Kenma snorted dismissively.

"As a matter of fact, I will! After we fill our bellies!" Genma said before staring in shock at the empty pot—well, empty of meat, that is. Plenty of noodles, though.

"ALL DONE!" the Tendos, Aki, Jinn and the boys said.

"...but I will take the noodles, too," Kenma added as he proceeded to fill his bowl. "Ah like to slurp 'em. Slurp 'em LOUD."

"Is that really it?! Just Noodles?" blurted Genma in shock.

"Ah….nope," Kenma said while making sure to slurp loudly. "Now it's just grease spots."

"Oh! You wound me, Kenma! How could you treat your poor old father like this?" the fat lout whined, before he received a fist in the mouth.

"Come off it, would ya?" Kenma asked, rolling his eyes. "Besides, I'm just following your stupid self-imposed code."

[It was mentioned in the clipshow episode from Season 1, kids. Go back and check for yourselves!]

"So save the tears for someone who needs a drink!" Ranma said while picking his teeth.

"Too bad! And I remember you saying that the Noodles were your favorite part of the dish." Soun said while wiping his mouth.

"Then it must REALLY suck that he didn't get any," Kenma smirked while he continued to slurp loudly and with reckless abandon.


ELSEWHERE...

Ryoga was underneath a bridge, angrily punching at the wall.

This can't be...THIS CAN NOT BE! he thought, enraged. I've been training in the mountains for MONTHS, facing beast after wild beast...and for what? To be...HUMILIATED by those two idiots! TO BE TOSSED AROUND…LIKE COMMON DOUGH! IT'S NOT FAIR, DAMMIT! GOD DAMN YOU, RANMA! GOD! DAMN! YOU!

"Looks like you got the stuffing beaten out of you…then back into you, and then right back out again," came a familiar raspy voice.

Ryoga turned to the left, seeing Cologne standing before him.

"Still think I've got nothing worth teaching you?" the old woman asked.

"..maybe I am a little desperate…" replied Ryoga. But he was more than "a little desperate", he was the very definition.


AND SO, THE VERY NEXT DAY…

Akane, surprisingly, found herself chopping wood. Why she decided to do it by hand instead of with a hatchet, I'll never comprehend. Oh right, Genma forgot to pack an ax again.

I'm supposed to be on fall break right now…and instead, here I am, chopping wood! she thought angrily.

"As Ranma's fiancée, you have a duty to accompany him on his training mission, and do the cooking," Soun had informed her.

"It'll be great bridal training for when you and Aki get married!" Kasumi added.

"Now, see here!" Soun declared. "Akane is marrying Ranma, and that is final!"

"Father, you can't just force her into marrying someone she has no love for."

"They'll learn to love one another! That's what this is about!"

Damn it, Dad…Akane muttered. Why is he so blind to notice I prefer Aki over Ranma? I mean I shouted Aki was my boyfriend when I fought the Golden Pair on the ice!

And so, she went back to angrily chopping wood. Now I'm GLAD I called Aki 'daddy' last night…

Meanwhile, at that very moment, Ranma and Kenma were both fighting Panda-Genma as they sprang through the trees.

"So why didn'cha tell her no, old man?" asked Ranma. "You know I can't concentrate with some girl around!"

"Yeah!" chimed in Kenma in his Sun Wukong form. "Especially not a certain okonomiyaki chef!"

Panda-Genma swiped at both boys and held up a sign. We brought her because your cooking STINKS!

"Shows what YOU know, fat-ass!" Ranma retorted. "At least I actually KNOW how to cook!"

Just then, Ranma got knocked in the back by a familiar walking stick that sent him sprawling.

"Why, son-in-law's brother! Imagine running into you here!" Cologne rasped. "Are you training, too?"

Alarm sirens going off in his head, Ranma rounded on the old woman, his hackles totally up. "You raisin-faced old buzzard—!" he snapped, swinging at her, but she jumped out of the way.

"Don't get it twisted, kiddo; I'm not here to make trouble like I did last time," advised Cologne. "Shampoo and I closed up shop and we're here doing a bit of our own training…so I suggest you and your brother really buckle down and put your noses to the grindstone—kami knows you'll both need it!"

And once again, off she went, cackling all the way, leaving Ranma befuddled.


SOME TIME LATER…

"Before we can begin your training, I want you to shatter this boulder," explained Cologne to Ryoga, who was standing before the tremendous rock in question. Shampoo, meanwhile, was off to the side, playing on her Game Boy.

"Is that all?" asked Ryoga with a smug chuckle. "And here I was wondering what arduous training you'd put me through!"

"Well, come on!" the amazon elder said.

Ryoga cracked his knuckles, and let out a roar as he shot his fist forward, cracking the boulder in half like a coconut. "How's that?"

"Impressive," replied Cologne. "But you misheard. I said to shatter, not split."

And then, she jutted out a finger at another boulder, poking it right in the middle. Suddenly, the boulder began to rumble and quiver…then, it burst into chunks!

Ryoga was flabbergasted; he blinked owlishly at the giant Boulder he split, and watched a 300 year old Amazon completely shatter it with just a finger jab. "...How in the hell did you do that?!"

"Would you like to learn?" Cologne inquired.

"And here I thought your face was the most shocking thing about you!" Ryoga commented. This earned him a smack in the head from her cane.

"First rule, don't be a wise-ass to your tutor!" Cologne snapped.

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry!" Ryoga said while rubbing his head.


SHORTLY, BACK AT CAMP…

Ranma, Kenma, and Genma had just finished sparring, while Akane was stirring a pot full of bubbling yellowish-green substance.

"Boy, am I hungry!" Ranma said while rubbing his stomach.

"That makes two of us!" Kenma agreed. "Having to put up with a lamebrain like Genma really works up an appetite."

"Dinner's ready, guys!" Akane called out.

"Thanks for the warning!" Kenma called back.

"What's that supposed to mean?" the tomboy asked with clenched teeth.

"If you have to ask, you'll never know!" Kenma retorted with a smirk.

"Would you at least try it first?" snapped Akane.

"I don't wanna. 1, it looks like puke, and 2, I saw it move." Kenma clarified.

"Oh, you better eat this! I worked really hard on this curry!" the tomboy angrily asserted.

"Gee, that makes me feel sooo much more confident in your culinary abilities!" Kenma mocked. "Why don't YOU try it, if it's so damn good?"

"Ya know what, maybe I will!" Akane defiantly said as she shoved a spoonful of the nasty-looking curry into her mouth, regretting it almost instantly as she began to turn green. "BLECCH! Ugh! That's horrible!" she gagged and spat, wiping her tongue off in a frenzy.

"I was right, I was right!" Kenma sneered. "It's worse than yucky, it's repugnant!"

"I don't understand, I put white wine in this and everything!" Akane insisted.

"White wine? You sure that's supposed to go into curry?" Ranma asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Didja?" asked Kenma. "Or maybe you oughta check the labels! Must've been a bad year…"

"What are you talking about? Of course I checked the– Oh! I see the problem." the tomboy said as she read the bottle of distilled white vinegar, which she originally thought was white wine.

"What, pray tell, is the problem?" the younger Saotome brother asked with a knowing smirk.

"This isn't wine! It's vinegar!" Akane explained.

"I knew it, I knew it!" Kenma snorted. "You didn't even CHECK your ingredients before pouring them in!"

"I just got excited, ok?" Akane exclaimed.

"Well, boys. I think it's time we got back to our training!" Genma blurted out.

"Sure, we're hungry as hell, but we'll power through!" Ranma declared.

"Oh, yeah!" Kenma agreed.

"Thanks for the meal, Akane." Genma politely said before running away.

Akane watched them go, before she sighed. Now I know I should've stayed home…when we get back, I'm gonna spend as much time with Aki as possible…


Out in the woods, the boys and their dad were really laying into each other.

"Didn't I tell you it was a bad idea to bring her along?!" Ranma snapped.

"You're her fiancée! Why don't you make sure she knows how to cook?!" Genma retorted.

"What am I, her keeper?" Ranma retorted.

"Yeah; unless Akane gets it from Aki, she doesn't take criticism too well!" Kenma chimed in.

"And she sure loves getting it from Aki." Ranma teased, making Akane blush at the remark and got a high five from his brother at the same time.

"The boy is a mere passing fancy!" Genma shrugged off. "Soon she'll grow weary of him and realize that she and Ranma are meant to be!"

"And if you believe that, I got a bridge in America to sell you!" Kenma snorted.

"Come on, Pop! The chances of that ever happening are a billion to one." Ranma remarked.

"A zillion, even!" Kenma chimed in.

"How did you two get to be so stubborn?" the fat lout said.

"Just something we developed growing up with you for a parent," Kenma spat.


IN THE MEANTIME, LET'S TAKE A PEEK BACK AT THE HOMESTEAD!

Kasumi let off a sigh as she went up to her room, and let the smile on her face melt away, relaxing her cheek muscles.

Once again, she'd just gotten through yet another disagreement with her father about Akane's romantic preferences…namely of her preferring Aki over Ranma. Sure, she had to keep up the facade of being the dutiful daughter…but after so long, it was absolutely taxing. In a few months, she'd be turning twenty years old. Most of her friends from school had gone to college or gotten jobs by then…and where was she? At home, filling the role of mother figure since her father had basically fallen apart after Mom died.

She had taken up the reins to make sure her sisters had someone to lean on, or a shoulder to cry on…but so far, her father hadn't met anyone new, nor had he regained his drive to continue teaching martial arts. And then, Mr. Saotome had come along with his boys—Soun had insisted his plan was to marry Ranma off to Akane, and then they would combine their schools and somehow bring in students for the dojo.

Then came the madness that followed…two whole months. Next, the relative quiet. And then, Ranma and Kenma came back with their strange friend, Jinn.

Now Jinn, he was a shining light in Kasumi's opinion. He helped her out around the house, checked to see if she ever needed help with chores or shopping; heck, he even took time out of his day to just talk and hang out with the lonely woman.

And right now? She could really use someone to talk to.

A few rubs of the lamp, and Jinn had materialized before her eyes. Only this time, he'd ditched his bandana for a black-haired mullet.

"Oh, hey Kasumi," he greeted. "...are you okay?"

"...I want to say yes, but I know that'd be a lie," Kasumi replied. "I'm just so angry with Father right now, you know? He's so stubborn, especially when it comes to the topic of Akane marrying Ranma; he just doesn't understand that they don't like each other at all. I want to scream at him, to get him to understand…but it just wouldn't be proper."

"Kasumi," said Jinn, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder. "...proper is all well and good, but sometimes you've gotta let your heart decide. And sometimes, your heart decides 'to hell with being proper'."

"But I couldn't do that! It'd tear him apart!" the elder Tendo sister stated.

"Well, maybe it's what he needs," said Jinn. "Maybe he needs to be torn apart so he can build himself back up from scratch. I mean, think about it: you've been doing so much for this family and house, from what I've been told—maybe it's time you got to do something for you. Besides…Soun needs to realize that every bird has to spread their wings and fly someday."

She let out another sigh. "Maybe you're right."

"Attagirl," Jinn nodded. "...and perhaps, sometime this week…we could go catch a movie or something?"

"You know what, I'd love that!" Kasumi said with a smile. But it wasn't the type of smile she'd usually put on, the kind to mask the absolute rage she felt at Mr. Saotome whenever his usual bullshit brought trouble to the doorstep—this time, it was of genuine happiness.

Jinn couldn't begin to describe how happy that made him.


BACK IN THE WOODS…

"So you're out here training too, Ryoga?" asked Akane, sitting at the campfire opposite from the pig-boy. In a fit of frustration at her own lack of culinary improvement, she had thrown a rock into the trees and klonked Ryoga right in the noggin.

"Indeed Akane, thanks to that prune of an Amazon woman." Ryoga grumbled as he rubbed the sore spot on his head from Akane's rock, only to get hit in the back with another rock—this one hit him much harder.

"I heard that, Lost Boy!" Cologne shouted as her hearing was still as sharp as ever.

"Anyways…it's more than worth the trouble so I will never again be humiliated by that gutless worm, Ranma!" Ryoga spat. "Next time we fight, it will be one on one, not with him and his brother! We'll see how tough he is fighting alone!"

"Well…maybe this will help perk you up," said Akane as she gave Ryoga a plate of her curry. "I added a few herbs and spices to help the flavor along."

"It can't help but be good," Ryoga said as he gazed happily at the plate. Oh, I'm the luckiest man in the world…imagine me, eating a meal cooked by Akane! Sometimes, life can even throw me a bone! And no Aki to show up and take it away from me!

Eyes watering with joy, he scooped a spoonful of curry up, and shoveled it into his mouth. Within seconds, his stomach began to lurch and his eyes watered…only this time, it was as though he'd smelled something foul.

"...it's d-delicious!" he managed to say without vomiting right then and there. "To eat your cooking is nothing short of the highest of all honors!"

"Oh, good!" Akane beamed. "Then the sugar, mayonnaise and horseradish I added did the trick!"

Stay strong, man, she's smiling at you! Not Akimitsu or any other guy—you and you alone! Ryoga mentally berated himself as he had to power through the disgusting taste of the stomach-churning meal in front of him.

"...well now, what might THIS be?" asked Kenma as he and Ranma arrived, both carrying two burritos Kasumi had packed for them. "Ah do de-clare! If'n it ain't mistah Ryoga Hibiki, come a-courtin', ah see!"

"Where'd that come from?" Ranma inquired.

"You think I fucking know?" replied Kenma.

"Meh!" the older Saotome brother simply shrugged his shoulders.

"Look, Ranma, if you've come to insult my cooking again, it doesn't matter," replied Akane. "Besides, Ryoga said it was good!"

"Because Ryoga's a people-pleaser!" Kenma said. "He's so hopelessly in love with you, he can't possibly imagine saying something to criticize you!"

"At least Aki has the balls to actually tell you how you can improve, instead of just saying what you wanna hear," responded Ranma. "...or is that just what you want, huh? Somebody who kow-tows to you, no matter how badly you screw up?"

"You know what?" Akane asked in anger. "If you don't like my cooking so much, I might as well camp with Ryoga then! At least then I won't be mocked for my culinary skills!"

"Sure, then he can choke down whatever slop ya make him, and he'll just tell you how tasty it is without actually helping you improve!" Kenma remarked.

"Eh! Who's stoppin' ya? We didn't even want you here in the first place." Ranma reiterated.

"Fine, I will go!" Akane snapped as she got up and walked off, leaving the boys together with Ryoga.

"Just so you know, Ranma, I intend to fight you one-on-one," stated the lost boy smugly. "And with the technique I'm learning, I'll deal with you at last. And then, your stupid brother will join you once you're dead."

"The fuck did I do?" Kenma asked out loud.

"You know damn well what you did!" Ryoga shouted back before turning away to follow Akane back to his camp.

"Why's he got beef with you this time?" Ranma asked his twin brother.

"I legitimately don't know, that is a long list of reasons and I am not gonna waste time guessing it." Kenma sighed before he took another bite of his burrito.

"Yeah, there's no point in stressing over it," shrugged Ranma as he and Kenma doused the fire, right before Genma returned with "provisions". "...and just where the hell have you been?"

"Why I was doing recon, of course. Know thy enemy, know thyself. One of the principles of the Saotome–" Genma tried to justify before being cut off.

"You were out stealing picnic baskets, weren't you?" asked Kenma.

"Alright, ya got me!" the Saotome patriarch said, sounding very defeated.

"Dammit, Genma, you can't keep doing this!" Kenma insisted. "Otherwise, Yogi's gonna send a C&D after us! He's been in the business for years, so he has that kinda money!"

"Ah, pish-posh, Kenma! It's 1990! How do you know if people even still care about the old bear?"

"It's Yogi Freakin' Bear!" Kenma stated. "People still care!"

"Yeah! I mean, the last thing we need is Bill and Joe breathing down our necks with a lawsuit," Ranma chimed in.

"Ah, I see. I'll go ahead and put these back." Genma said with an awkward smile as he sped away in a Roadrunner-esque dust cloud.

"Yeah, you do that," replied Kenma.

"But ya know, Ken. I'm a little cautious about that new technique Ryoga mentioned." Ranma said with the utmost seriousness.

"I'll admit, it's got me a bit curious myself," replied Kenma.

"We'll have to watch out for it if it's as dangerous as he says!" the ponytailed boy added.

"Ryoga tends to exaggerate, sure," stated Kenma. "But hey, better safe than sorry."

"Words to live by, little brother. Especially in our lives." nodded Ranma.


IN OUR NEXT EPISODE…

So, it looks like Ryoga's been learning this fancy new move that allows him to reduce boulders to pebbles, but according to the fat man, it's even tough enough to break the human body! Now my brother's gonna rumble with Ryoga soon—and Akane's at stake. Sheesh! Talk about your booby (or lack thereof) prizes!

We've got a brawl for sure, and innuendos galore—good grief, will YOU have fun!

See it in our next episode:
"
Point of No Return" or "End it with a Fingerbang!"
Catch ya later!