Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever (Redux)
Split (Chapter 14)
Disclaimer: Mario and co belongs to Nintendo
Author's Note: I'm torn.
Without the doctor that held Dr. Mario's case study, there was little to do but roll in a Mushroom Flu patient one by one, look them up and down and return them where they came from in the same condition. For the Special World Hospital doctors, that was perhaps the closest they'd been to "traditional" in ages. Locals began to murmur 'something something quack, pard'ner', and a closely listening triage nurse suspected they weren't referring to the cataquack population. Jr. Troopa marched into the temporary tin shed lab, weaving and squeezing around the testbeds, tables with bubbling chemicals, and the hammer brother clacking at an old looking computer. Dr. Toad was found at the rearmost wall, at a clear spot he'd carved out as his atelier. A six by four canvas hung at his eye level.
"-Jackson, I should recruit your blue toad nurse. I have never seen a more expedient associate who had yet only had the work experience of five minutes," Dr. Toad droned, etching Vick's homestead with a tan pastel. His right hand held the rubber band bound remainder of the set.
His style under his other identity tended to be more abstract and rather personal. To see something typical and relatable caused Troopa to stare and almost forget what he was doing. "Erm. These are enemy species parts, Drew. You're the only toad. Also folks starting to gossip bout.. Oh never mind. What he look like?"
"Torment permanently etched on his countenance, rivaling a Pablo Pizzacaso piece I'd study, tied by a slight unibrow…But reasonably attractive, with muscles- large ones."
Before Troopa could rightly slap him, there was a cacophony.
Troopa jumped around at people barging in and barring the door closed with a spade. "Reckon there are toads I guess.."
Dr. Toad's playful side evaporated as Dr. Toadley and his intern invaded, glistening from what part of their exposed skin didn't have dirt stuck to it. In panic Dr. Toad barreled past Troopa and Dr. Topper to cut them off halfway.
"Was my arrival unexpected? Yes it was! We hastened, even directly through villager's backyards and crops. Some had shotguns."
"An anonymous.. delivery person has given.. us a.. Mushroom Flu virus sample," the intern added in between breaths.
Dr. Toad died twice then. From common retellings, the virus was contained in a finite amount of Fungus Up beverages, all consumed. The ground began to swallow him.. If Dr. Toadley, a Toad Town local took over, people may grow suspicious of Dr. Toad, the quiet awkward outsider. His precautions might fail and they discover his past and-
A soft palm moved in circles on his back, Jr. Troopa's. The sinking subsided.
Then Dr. Toadley chuckled in an amiable way at the taller, younger toad physician. "We arrive to assist, not subjugate."
But first to assert that he was no joke either, Toadley opened his palm to prove the impossible. The object within scintillate.
Behold! At 893:044; the courthouse of Grandmaster Galaxy emerges from interstellar clouds of dust and gas, stationed above pillars staggering higher in elevation: the first of emerald, the second chalcedony, the third sapphire, the fourth jasper, the fifth-
The star warrior careened then into the sardonyx pillar of millenia, bouncing off like a Micro-Goomba vs a Banzai Bill. Dizzyingly he identified that the obscuring fog was an organic material, eating it away. He bustled to the golden gate of the court, ajar with a holographic scroll attached: 'The Galaxy Courthouse is closed at this moment. Thanketh thee.'
( !?) reread in disbelief, as if he might bend the words with his will power to state something else. "Drats.. only thirteen minutes late!" His further acceleration released his passengers from the suspended state they were in during his lightspeed travels.
Ludwig and Toadsworth took a rough tumble against the glass plane the golden Greek style coliseum rested on. The koopaling had not fully regained his bearings when a threatening rumble from the vastness of space tore his attention from his bruises. Clumps of stars engaged in combat, some star warriors, others macabre seafoam colored stars, five pointed, flatter with sunken black eyes, the source of a wispy particle like material all but invisible unless if overlay a lighter colored planet or galaxy that revealed it as pure black and corrosive. It made dozens of star warriors sizzle to nothing- and the wicked forces were advancing!
Ludwig spun to take flight, colliding with Toadsworth. They split all over the place, that time into the interior. The koopaling was on his feet in seconds and sprinted blindly for miles down narrow twisting and turning halls of some light emitting yellow stone like material. Enigmatically, he met up with a familiar face who had obviously never moved. The gasp that escaped his lips was the koopaling's last breath as he collapsed from exhaustion.
"See what rash decisions just got you?" Toadsworth strolled up to his snout. "Tut tut. The rules of our old reality don't apply. Preceding forward we must locate our guardian and get the gist of things in an orderly way."
A low growl emitted from the back of the koopaling's throat as he peeled his face from the floor. "And why would someone of my caliber be frazzled, Samuel?"
"I was not meddling," the elder replied, leading off in a random direction to Ludwig. "After all, I cannot fathom how it feels to be snuffed out so young."
The Koopaling growled once more. That geriatric little.. And the emotion settled into his stomach, exhuming a poignant memory from six years ago: the arrival of the final sibling and the rapid sickness and death of their mother following. How Junior is given his father's name and heired successor unprecedentedly. Ludwig slowly approached his father post funeral, the second that red cloaked stranger detached from his side, pleading for some explanation. He was more than old enough. He deserved it. As Bowser broke apart into wheezes and sniffles, he never got it. That was the impetus making the Koopa Troop his full time job, even over musical education. If he was militant enough, had grandiose enough strategies, had outside villain organizations recognize his efforts- could that make his father view him as worthy to govern his kingdom some day?
Apparently not.
"Ludwig. Yo, your feet are making sparks. Pick it up!"
Ludwig was roused to (Heart Music !?) securing him and Toadsworth by the wrist into a radiant open courtroom. Hamstrung, Ludwig plopped down in the stands, unnoticed by Toadsworth surveying with the star warrior for the missing goddess. Rows of vacant seating scaled as high as Toadsworth could crane his neck. The war had yet to tarnish the upper echelons of the transparent roof. He could still see twinkling distant stars through them, too far to wish to. The devout man reached inwards instead..
"I do hope this does not offend sir," he ventured. "But have you attempted to call her?"
The star warrior bent upwards from the judge's podium, slapping himself. "..Call me Geno and duh! We just got 'em. Cut me a break." He dialed a number on a brand new looking iPhone X. "Hey girl…Oh! Right on.."
Geno readdressed the two, pausing only a moment at the koopaling's zonked out disposition. "Hold still and, voila!"
After a flash of light, the three were on a patch of grass on one of the islands that branched off from a central hi tech observatory structure with a reactor powering it. Other paths lead to living areas, buildings, and even schools from which lumas placidly carried on normal business. The sector of space here was dark blue, and eclectic galaxies were plainly visible in the distance. From Luigi's photos, Toadsworth registered it as the Comet Observatory, and here was its owner, strolling up from the center console and fumbling on an identical to Geno's phone in a way he might back on Earth, the elder toad was reminded ticklishly.
"I intended to inform you of the new arrangements when the battles broke out over there (Heart Music !?) , but could not locate the contacts app," the goddess admitted sheepishly. She tucked the rose gold iPhone away, giving up. She was like a living jewel before them, statuesque and aglow in mature beauty and grace, from her long platinum hair to her flawless skin, to the dazzlingly vibrant blue gown that extended to the floor. Despite that she sounded ordinary, dignified, but as any other shyish woman.
"Hey no biggie Rosie. I only remembered your digits cause I wrote in on my bicep the other day! Where's the others?" Geno gave a worrying sweep of the area.
"Millennium Star insisted on imperiling himself without specifics." The goddess explained in a hush so as to not alert lumas in proximity. "There was no one else."
Geno groaned, reluctantly turning to his guests. "Alright, so us star beings WON'T be rolling up on 'em gangsta style. Rosalina's Gravitational Pull will have to channel you to your bodies."
"Good show!" Toadsworth exclaimed. He pat Ludwig, who's eyebrows furrowed, unreadable otherwise.
"-But there might be glitches. Could be distance, attenuation, we dunno. It's experimental, so do ya utmost to find the dark star's leader quickly and discreetly. It gets wind of us on the case and it'll switch from games to complete annihilation. We can't afford to swoop in and miss.."
Toadsworth burst with consternation. It was only through being so well bred that he didn't jump out and seize the star warrior going, "What are you mad?" Outwardly he steely accepted like he was a Mushroom soldier once more, agreeing to one of the serious missions whose success endeared him to the Toadstool dynasty.
"Coolio. And we'll watch from here..?" Geno gave a side glance to Rosalina. "Oh one more thing. A good start might be to watch out for 'Special Objects'. The Dark Star had to be connected to one and anybody using it. It takes arcane knowledge to discern which are connected to good or bad stars so just don't mess with them. ..Wait a second thing actually, don't tell other people what you're doing because if they're connected to an 'evil' Special Object they might like, try to kill you and we can't exactly prevent that! ..Alright, anything to add, Rosie?"
The goddess shuddered. She'd spent most of that time with her sapphire eyes trained on the koopaling. She paced over with a message just for him and leaned beyond his wild blue hair.
"It's not too late. Remember you are someone's 'Special One.'"
…
…
…
The sensation of choking woke Ludwig up- for real this time. The general coughed up murky tongue stinging water.
"How can BOTH of them pass out like that?! I hate everything!"
"Larry!" Princess Peach rebuked. "Stop fussing. We made it to the level we needed!"
They hauled Toadsworth and Ludwig into the center of the tower. There was a shaft with a manual powered elevator waiting for them. Just in time. They could hear the foaming waters sloshing on the floor below, even up creeping from the stairs. They hurried inside and spotted Lemmy far at the top. His rainbow mohawk disappeared and then they were shot up like a rocket, so much the basket broke at the top of the shaft, flinging everyone out onto the roof.
"Whoops…" Lemmy saw his brother continually spinning the winch. "Iggy, you can stop!.."
Larry rubbed his head, knocked against the parapet. "Ouch. Thanks I freakin' think.." The flooded over landscape below sent a shiver down his spine. The waters were high enough to obscure the pillar thing in the field Peach was mesmerized by before. An airship sailed over the horizon, followed by additional smaller boats or whatever possessed buoyancy. Spontaneously a pontoon broke off from the others and raced up to the front ship. It had a hand weaved flag waving from it. A passenger from the lead ship plunged into the ocean.
"What's Wendy thinking?" Lemmy said, materializing next to his little brother. "And I can't place where I've seen that symbol before.."
Larry couldn't cross his eyes enough to see whatever Lem could somehow. "Doesn't Iggster have service? Boogle it."
Lemmy cringed, avoiding eye contact, digging his foot on the stone tile.. "Iggy IS Boogle now. Kinda. He got impatient and replaced his brain with a robot."
Larry took another look around. Peach okay if disarranged, Toadsworth and Ludwig.. They were moving, but morbid or 'off' in a way he couldn't articulate right then. What overshadowed that even was.. Iggy was a cyborg!
A lounging toad girl observed traffic from Hotel Mario's tallest balcony. Sometimes a citizen would race down Starman Lane on foot, like in times past she could faintly remember. Before motor karts were the norm in Toad Town, everyone accordingly had less on the agenda and time in general felt slower. Toadette wished, just for today, she was shot back to those days.
She lowered the magazine after floorboards creaked.
"What's up?" signed another more tanned pink toad, with inverted spots compared to her.
Toadette plastered on a smile for the gardener. "Just coolin off."
Joseph sat gingerly in the beach chair next to her. "You're in direct sunlight!" He laughed with a hoarse husky voice. "There's air conditioning indoors where we're all waiting for you. We leave in ten minutes. It's at four pm.."
"Oh I haven't done my hair yet! So many are already at Royal Raceway and there's.." Dang it. She forgot the sign language for 'too many cameras and news people' at the worst time!
"You look beautiful, darling."
"Thanks but I can't go-"
Joe conveniently feigned ignorance of her verbalization, taking her hand and lifting her out of the seat. Toadette didn't want to behave rudely, indecision that roped her to the ground floor reception desk. She had to admit it being lit orange from the evening sun was an improvement, hiding the dinginess of the carpet and making the game machines look cool, but she wasn't happy to be there regardless, not with more three co-workers hanging around. She dread how they might try to cajole her.
Les yawned, back against the wall, Chef Tim chat on the phone off to the side with a pan in his other hand, and Zeror, made up spiffily and directly blocking the door, held a loupe to a yellow packet that had been ripped open and was currently a back board for a document.
Waitaminute. Toadette squinted, closing on the green capped banker and treasure curator none the wiser. "If that's addressed to the manager only, why haven't I seen it?" When she tried to take it from him, there was resistance on his end from his trance like state that tore it across a preexisting seam middle line.
"Ma'am oh heavens I've ruined it!"
Hearing Zerors light voice for once was as surprising as the weathered hand written document in an antiquated Shroomish dialect. The official mushroom seal adorned the bottom from their castle, Mushroom King reign era.
"What's it say, doll?" Les asked enthusiastically.
Well Toadette's interest was piqued knowing legalese from collage, enough to forget that Zeror should have deciphered the list of items and herbs forever ago. "What sticks out to me is 'Teeowed' and a verb for 'consume' and 'mushroom'...So like we left behind this recipe thing and somebody found it for us? So what?"
Zeror's crafty simper to Les and Joe revealed his gold teeth. Toadette gulped, rolling up her half of the paper.
"What else of the princess's priceless possessions might we have missed?" Joe asked.
"Uh, Joseph, Lester, even Mr. Zeror, there's no way we can recomb the area. Not with that event going on," she rebutted. There was something very strange and over elaborate with this trap they'd set, but she wasn't falling for it. They hadn't even tried her true weakness-
"Oh Tim," Les began. "Show her the Chocolate Cake!"
The chef removed the cover from the pan, a fresh Jelly Ultra. Toadette could thankfully refuse, temptation free. She disliked the jelly derivatives. Too sticky, much like the situation was getting.
"If only that guy would listen!" Joe complained to Les and Zeror.
"Excuse me flower boy," Tim snapped. "Face me so I can see what you're saying!"
"I said this, Timothy," after signing the chef's name, Joe swung at him.
The rotund chef slipped backwards and through the entrance door and rolled to a stop at a parking brick outside. He propelled himself up as the other three staff barged out brandishing a fire extinguisher, a vase, or surprisingly nothing as far as Zeror was concerned. The chef exposed from under his apron a long silver butcher's knife and held them off with it.
"You're all on drugs!"
"Stoooooop!" Toadette ran out between him. "All this just because I don't want to go down there?"
They were all daunted, Joe broadly.. "You are the foremost of the princess's subsidiaries and we cannot attend without you. What if officials organize a plan to rescue the princess?"
Not likely according to flyers, Toadette mused, in uncharted waters. Weird phrasing, Toad Town hadn't had rain in weeks, also- not a homicide since fifteen years ago if the baddie influx yesterday didn't count, yet Peach's staff were prepared to hurt each other. What was happening to people?
"What are you thinking?"
She blinked. "That…You are now castle manager. There, now you can all attend."
Another first, she saw Zeror's top lip under his mustache while he gaped. "How am I qualified, ma'am?"
"You were Mr. Toadsworth's friend, has decades of history with the Toadstools, and you didn't pack a weapon just now. Done. Oh look," she added, under the other three's disappointments of the missed promotion. A dark tented van was pulling up. "Totally just in time."
…
Guard Jon didn't bother with a tally of toads for Peach Castle. It only surprised Toadette that he did not bring along his partner. Bridget paced at the hotel slot machines, fidgeting constantly with the intricacies of her uniform or giggling at her own reflections. Toadette wasn't sure what drove her desire to formally introduce herself. Toadettes were rarer and she was lonely now, and the irony wasn't lost on her that after pining for promotion she'd just demoted herself. There was nothing to lose.
"Hi."
Bridget stood straight on high alert, super scope on hand. She was a tad shorter, with entirely different and darker features and sportier, a tough one. Maybe this was a bad idea..
"Uh, nothing.." Toadette bit her lip, backing away.
"Wait. So you're, haha, good with the city, eh?
"..Sure. I chauffeur the princess sometimes."
The guard's smile widened. "I'm sooo jealous! Since that dick Jon is gone will you ride with me on some errands?"
Moments later Toadette sqeed. Around back was a shiny B-Dasher, a privately owned kart used for the job, Mushroom insignias juxtaposed on it, and still gorgeous.
"Don't drool on my seat covers," Bridget joshed, nudging the enamored ex-manager.
"I won't!" Toadette blushed.
The guard loaded in the back some boxed army supplies that looked suspiciously like junk food while Toadette loaded a heavier larger neutral colored purse full of many objects and that Ultra Jelly. They drove off in the convertible, loving the breeze.
"I have a ton of friends stationed around.. Pleasant Path. Know there?"
"Sure do!"
"Doesn't a pocketbook like that break your back?"
Toadette readjusted her seat belt. "You get used to it.. Now take that right down Turtlely Road," she said to switch the topic. Those items were what she thought was the most valuable of Zeror's treasure stash, no longer trusting entirely any staff but her boyfriend, though even he freaked her out by ominously texting if she could bring some of Zoo's evidence from Snifit Patrol precinct down South. How did he know that's where she needed to get to as well? The cops more pertinently were holding Peach's Parcel from yesterday that would surely demystify much of the commotion in town..
For step one, Toadette grabbed a well worn cassette from her pocket. This other girl was about to love the mushroom rock band 'The Pizza's' whether she knew it or not. They'd gotten heat over it in later years, but none could deny they were the masters of subliminal messages.
Mario wiggled his toes that had fallen asleep in his boots. He was genuinely intrigued at the outset. To bad the pile of books on the wooden counter proved to be insipid at best, even with that bright warning tag on them stating 'DO NOT REMOVE FROM LIBRARY'. Mario dismissed the nagging detail. Considering they were in the local librarian's trailer home while they were out on business, The Captain must have obtained permission.
"Stuck?"
"Um. Yes," The Captain replied, voice leaking with embarrassment. He massaged his strained eyes. On the page characters went backwards and forwards at random, and at times 'stylistically' spiraling to the center of the page. His attempt to read it was such a trainwreck, Luigi felt uncomfortable, left, and had never came back.
Mario without prompt, had a device in his hands. "Break time. Jr. Troopa's blowing me up about something at the lab just now."
The Captain bore into the brick-like GoomPCS, a rudimentary model for species with no appendages. He'd mistook it for someone else's, but the next correct realization was equally worrisome. "You've acquired a new cellular phone, and distributed your new number, and didn't inform me?"
The mildly bewildered plumber slid it back into his pocket. "It wasn't that long ago. It's just a cheap thing from the drugstore that I used a prepaid card on. Not a big deal okay?-.."
"...I'll meet you there. Sir."
The moment the plumber was out, he flipped the entire table of books with a roar of anguish, making them fly up and into cupboards and knick knacks. That beast had been simmering since Luigi left practically LAUGHING in his face- now that humiliation in front of Mario? The Captain trembled and hyperventilated. If only he could cram enough knowledge to interpret the Darklandian in the magikoopa book… The red faded from his vision enough to notice something shiny on the floor, retrieving a silver plated locket. Not very valuable he appraised with proficiency, nonetheless someone might want to see it.
He waltzed into the previously shut up disarrayed bedroom and opened a chest under tangled covers. The bob-omb buddy bound tightly inside mumbled through the pillowcase stuffed in his mouth and squirmed at the toad's cheeky face as he loomed over. A bad smell struck his nose from the fear stricken victim. Miffed with him, The Captain plunked the heirloom down there and shut the trunk tight again. He wasn't planning on returning. It would be wise at this point to ask his brigade down. He had a way to insure it actually.
Yoshi played fetch with Poochy, occasionally waving to neighbors, or being forced to rescue them as the Dino Rhino and Ukiki couple that owned the berry farm down the jungle path discovered. Poochy was growing and inclined to play rough with things or people with certain scents. A quirk of the breed, but Yoshi was managing it- he hoped.
He rallied over the dog to escape the elements for a while. Tall sumac buffeted him along the way. He'd meant to tame land around his treehouse more. It was covering the 'For sale' sign..
Yoshi collapsed on his striped hammock, watching nostalgically at the little leaf spinning fan. He had a dresser to the right, an icebox and nothing else that wasn't packed in boxes. The rest of the space was racks of trendy clothing and additional boxes. Even before plans to emigrate the dino tread light for less complications when crossing frequently between Yoshi's Island and the Mushroom Kingdom. At this point he could pass as a Mushroomite by accent.
His IslandMobile ringing later rather frightened him. He was in the midst of such a.. delicate situation involving telecommunication.
"Yoshi. Still alive?"
Yoshi sat up from the hammock. "Hello, yes I am!"
"Great. You can probably tell I'm calling from a new number. I was worried until now our old ones were blocked or something, ha ha. Well, first Luigi is busy with something but he wanted to thank you for helping him yesterday."
A dinosaur felt a thwomp drop on him. That deplorable work of his in the park against Zoo. Not listening, behaving like a rookie, letting him down, unable to stop ruminating over Mario..
"And I wanted to inform you some of stuff happening over here-"
"Mario. Please listen." The dinosaur hotly rose to his feet, causing Poochy to drop a plush chew toy and watch attentively. "I have a domestic life too and I cannot rush thousands of miles and across the ocean to deal with all of your routine Bowser and Peach spats! One day I will be married and might relocate further inland and might even have a family-"
"Yosh. What happened, are you crying?"
The dinosaur was curled on the bed again, struggling to hold it back. Mario patiently held on the other line. "Mario I.. don't want to be away from you all, but no matter how conciliatory I am, Birdo has an issue. How, when I keep her informed every literal hour I'm out? Why can't I make it work? All of my very old buddies have long started their families- with grandchildren now."
"...If you two aren't on the same page after being engaged this long, I think an honest talk is in order. And don't sweeten it with a gift for once. I'm sorry to leave it like this, but I think the long distance is killing the battery and I have to keep at least one percent in case Bowser responds to my voicemails. Douche. Sick of his games. It ain't cute. "
Yoshi didn't move until he heard the squeaks of the ladder outside. Someone was returning to the tree home. He stood then and had the door already open for his fiancée, dolled up in a hot pink dress coat and matching church hat. Slightly taken back by his initiative, she batted her lashes at him and continued in, placing the Bronze Egg on the mantelpiece. Poochy aggressively snarled at it like he always did. Yoshi rolled his eyes a little, securing the locks. She was supposed to hide that 'prop' from 'Authentic Restorations Inc.' knowing it triggered the pet like that. Disposing of it wasn't going to fly either, not without a fight. His fiancée was enraptured with that tacky thing, insisting the modeling agencies booked her two-fold with it.
"Honey, get comfortable please," he led off, remaining standing. He watched her casually lounge on her red love sofa without alarm, already flicking around on her smartphone. He took one more breath. "It's about that location you want us to move to."
She snapped in his direction. "T. Yoshisaur, half the treehouse is in a box!"
"Indeed, but we haven't deposited yet on that Donut Plains condo and I would like to, if I can, present my argument differently: Prices are up and this land is paid for. If we aren't going to worry about money, the Mushroom Kingdom would be a more appropriate fit for us. All of your highest paying agencies are based there and I've seen some of the letters where they ask for you to move closer. With our rapport we'd have zero issues finding a home. Just something to consider. Just trying to make you happy." He lifted his gaze from his orange booties across the carpet and onto her longing expression at...the Bronze Egg! A flash of anger came upon him. He'd tried so arduous, for that? He knew what she loved and it wasn't him.
He launched it through the window.
"YOSHI!" she exploded.
He thought she might follow it, but remained at the window seal.
"-That was uncalled for and I'll rectify that." Yoshi slowly approached her side. The sun made three objects glint among the ragweed and sumac. It'd cracked from the fall and realizing that was cathartic. "However, I have no better way to say this.. Honey- or Birdo, there's a dagger in me and I've bled for a long time. Going forward it would be wise for us to take a break."
Birdo slowly faced him. He almost recoiled, not sure what to expect. "I agree and- Whew! There's too much chaos in these parts. I really wanted to move back to Subcon anyway," she mentioned about as casually as one would the weather.
"I thought Mario and crew..dreamed up.. Nevermind. Will you need help?"
"No. I'll hire movers. Old man," she teased. "And since you've ended it officially I won't be dragged on social media."
"Why would someone give unsolicited commentary on other people's romantic life over the internet?"
"Because they're unfulfilled?"
He laughed softly in the window with her, tearing up again bittersweetly. Even if not betrothed they were definitely going to stay in touch.
…
The rhythmic shuffling of tracks meant there was a slumbering dinosaur for a multicolored dog to lick in the face, having escaped from a partially sized luggage bag thirty minutes ago. Soon his master mumbled about that person again.
Poochy was a good boy.
He was learning phrases.
He understood 'stop', 'go', 'fetch', and 'Here's money for a shopping spree, honey'.
He also purported what 'Mario' meant.
That name made his master or giggle at times, or heart race, or cause elation in general.
Therefore… Mario must be food. See, Poochy smart boy.
A loud steam whistle jolted Yoshi awake. He flushed at the canine nuzzling him. "No boy. Get back in quick. Quick!"
Another Yoshi, the ticket checker came through. The katana wielding nerd had been pestering everyone in this section. "I knew my allergies weren't lying, Larry. Found him."
"The Koopaling?"
A uniformed toad came up. "No sir, I'm the conductor. The Toad Town 101 does not allow pets in the passenger compartments," he warned sternly. Then he presented a pen and pad for an autograph. "But for the famous Mr. Munchakoopas, we'll pretend we didn't see it. We only request that you go to the rear most carriage if there's any 'accidents'."
That was a great deal as moments later, Poochy was indicating one of those were waiting to happen. That rear unmonitored room was a storage area for hay bails, the only source of light the sliding door precariously half open. Trees and jungle scrolled by in a jade blur outside. As Poochy sniffed around, Yoshi had last minute reservations. What if those belonged to someone? He chose to not think about it too hard, looking away for the dog's privacy at the adjacent wall with an Emerald Circus poster. One of Bowser's sons were on the bill. Oh yeah.. He'd seen Lemmy perform by accident about a year ago. He bounced around the stage like he had a blast. Adorable thing.
"I prefer the Cirque du Angry Solei."
His jaw dropped at the one next to him. "How did you get here?"
"Teleportation."
"Be serious or-" Yoshi grit his teeth. "Just forget it, Dr. Professor."
Doctor Professor Koopa smiled at him, continuing to hold his shoulder. Stubble spotted the corners of his face, but was otherwise just as Friday. "I'm not at my practice obviously so you may address me Theo."
"How about not."
"That's really my name."
"Oh.. What happened to your havok wreaking crew?"
He didn't seem particularly concerned. "I suppose apprehended while we were fleeing town."
"You are aware we're heading back to Toad Town."
"You are. I'm not." Dr. Prof checked his cracked watch and with a burst of energy threw himself into another train passing the opposite direction. Yoshi made a lightning decision, scooped his dog up and did the same. They landed in a pile of red clay. This train was rickety and vibrated like an earthquake compared to the last. Worse, he feared he was already lost. With no covering over each car he could see water on either side and the bridge ahead stretching into the unknown. He pressed on. The dino carefully made his way over the coupler and into the next car, rewarded with satisfaction from that criminal's dumb stare from atop the gravel pile.
"Surprise, Theodore."
"...You have a tenacity most don't at our age, boy! Mario for a certainty sent you to hunt me down and stomp my face. I propose an information exchange?
The dino nodded at the willingness to bargain. He might have also been, just a tiny bit, pumped up by that complement. "Fair."
"When my 'Sweet Pea' was a grammar school aged I was the castle medic. One day her father and one of his high ranking red toads, can't remember the name but it's unoriginal, went off on me over a scientific theory that toads and humans aren't genetically related meaning the order of servitude was established by- Not the point.. So I followed where there was a need, at a rapidly flourishing Castle Koopa. Great gig until Mushroom Flu broke out. Confusion, casualties, like a whomp punching us in the face until a human doctor speaking English came around." He tapped his temple, "My background paid off for once and boy did Dr. Mario blabber. He knew it was an intentional attack. Who was Dark Land's biggest adversary for the last couple of centuries? Ponder on-"
"O-okay. That's enough," Yoshi cut in. "W-what do you want from me."
The wrinkles around Dr. Prof. Koopa's eyes creased. "Please enlighten me on.. the touch of a human... -Oh my apologies. I forgot you rebound hard with that Birdo chick, explaining away that spilling your feelings to Mario on that ocean liner was just April Fool's. Even though months are spelt backwards in his world. And that happened in Yraubef-."
Yoshi found his hands crushing the doctor's throat. With a gasp at himself, Yoshi shoved the gagging koopa back against the sloped wall of the cart. Gravel shifted around and powder was kicked up.
"T-the cops will greet you at the next station." Yoshi left it at that for the giggling fiend. He whistled for Poochy and flung himself off board and into the blue ocean waters.
A belated realization rippled through him that he was in the middle of nowhere peddling around, the suspension bridge his only aid. He counted concrete pillars as some way to track progress. His arms burned by number thirty and he stumbled into something awful at the worst time. He glanced over his shoulder at a whirlpool. Poochy immediately left his saddle and swam away, disappearing over a rolling wave. The dinosaur accepted his fate then with equanimity. The canine was only preserving his life.
~Life. Preserver?
Yoshi refocused on the fluorescent orange object. The water broke a little more. It drew closer. 'Yes.' 'Yeah.' 'Good boy!'. His companion arrived holding the ring with teeth. Some rope tethered to it swiftly towed them towards a white fishing boat so miniature, the billows obscured it easily. The toad reeling them in lauded at the bonus extra soul saved.
…
"Umm, no problem. That's why I pretend to be a- I mean I AM definitely a coast guard. Need another towel?" Sonny, as he introduced himself, asked his passengers. He was a youngish red toad wearing all black, with a tactical vest as large as him.
"No. Thank you again."
"Good. That was, um, my only one."
Yoshi wrapped the dog with it at the moment, being the furry creature of the two. Yoshis were resilient anyway and he didn't want Poochy getting another sinus infection. Yoshi and the coast guard chat readily for a bit, mutually understanding it seemed to not pry beyond the surface. Soon Sonny mentioned they were near Pipe Land. He reduced speed to not beach on any underground pipes, in the process acutely spotting something bobbing around. The coast guard released a ragged sigh as he reeled it in. Yoshi soon understood. It was a decaying baddie. Sonny had a different procedure for that one and it soon was respectfully stored away in a large tackle box.
Life was too fragile to leave loose ends. Yoshi thought back to the Bronze Egg pieces he'd packed with him. He was obligated to repair or replace and mail it to Birdo from his new address to hers. Just as a way to say maturely, 'sorry it didn't work out, but here'.
"Really?" Boo eyed the heavy gift in the black carrying case.
"Yeah, lil fella. The owner of this kart doesn't deserve cool toys like that. Display only now. For safety."
Kylie Koopa was the type to make them comfortable with, well, people. Giving them the shiny ray gun found under the seat was a little jarring, and Boo had zero experience or want in such, but the implications filled them with joy. They were considered grown up, capable, cool, trustworthy . Attributes Luigi might like… Further demonstrated when Kylie made a detour for Boo to deliver 'S.G.'s other delivery to the Toadley Clinic.
Pulling into the lot of Mushroom Kingdom Hospital East, the boo found some fringes of their old diffident mood returning. Scattered around were karts like the guards drove. Boo braved following Kylie inside. The species diverse staff from yesterday were replaced with unfamiliar toads either at a desk or seated leisurely in the lobby with reading material. While in civilian clothing mostly, their black spots hinted otherwise. Boo reached the end of a hallway and noticed Kylie was missing.
…
"Kylie, finally you show up!"
Smack in the middle of the previous hall, the koopa reporter blanketed the toad with a hug. He winced, making her ease up. He was bloated, felt quite warm, and was dressed in the same suit he had the the last time she'd seen him, now with dark stains blotting it. His lap was filled with old facial tissues stained identically.
"Mitch, what are ya doing here? Does this name ring a bell? Jelectro Bond. He called himself your-"
"Sign this first babe. I never took you off my power of attorney. It's good." Mitch jut a clipboard at her. He never did that, not even in the office when he was supposed to hand her things at times. Furthermore these sorts of 'life matters' were arranged back when they still dated decades ago!
Kylie read over the document in faded hard to read transfer paper ink. He could not be presently released due to- Her eyes widened. "Irregularities in frontal cortex." That explained his slurred words, some strabismus.. "Mitch. You're busted up. What happened to you?"
He wheeled away, sluggishly, weakly. "Just sign it, hurry.. I need to get outta here. Lay down. In my bed. Don't worry. The docs don't understand my nose bleed problem is normal-"
"Mitch-"
"For the love of God, please sign the thing!"
…Was the second floor colder, or was it just her? The reporter remained unnerved proceeding towards Kinopio-Kun's room. She had to remind herself, repeatedly, that her co-worker had to deal with his own problems. Had he ticked off someone again? Had a hit on him? She could only speculate as two piantas in black suits left the room before she entered. Weird. She slipped in.
Boo wasn't waiting inside. Uh oh.
The lime green toad was up and awake in his bed with a laptop. A table to his left held Starmanbucks coffee cups, and a stack of sympathy cards. High end personal luggage occupied the guest recliners. Beady eyes rose from the bright screen.
"- Oh Hey. It's Kylie Koopa, ace reporter. I love your work," she fibbed. "Now as ya know there's an event today and-"
He waved 'go on' impatiently. Kylie's smile tightened. Little twerp. "-In short. Could ya give the word to the 'authorities' that I really wanna be there and won't cause any trouble?"
His jaw shifted from side to side, thinking it over she guessed. Seemed like an inopportune time for other burning questions, such as why he'd dragged Mario through the wringer this morning with his postings..
He flashed a symbol, and not the one she expected.
…
Deja vu. Boo had gotten lost again, finding their way into the cafeteria. The air was heavy of various foods and up ahead at the tables staff tidied up, discouraging Boo from bothering them. With their head down and rosey cheeks, Boo whipped around.
"Where's the packet?"
Boo froze in the cafe doorway, quivering at S.G.'s voice from nowhere. "I- I.. delivered it s-sir.."
There was a sound like someone banging their head against a desk. "You were supposed to deliver the soda can, but get the paper translated and returned," he hissed. "Ahhhg…What it contained *could* have blown away everyone at the Public Address!"
"Noooooo," they groveled. "I can get it back. I have a helper, and a ride and I won't screw up again!"
They zoomed to the lobby, not locating Kylie. Boo went to the help desk, in line behind the belligerent, wildly gesticulating X-naut Phd.
"-Because computers are untrustworthy paraphernalia compared to the irrefutable, like this memo!" The stout alien in white doctor coat and thick glasses, shook around a pink sticky note from his black tattered medical bag. It stated: 'Get out of bed and help us out today at the hospital, associate! -Dr. Toad'. "See? I am supposed to be here. Check for the seventeenth time. Morris has two Rs you see, like the original spelling of R.O.B before the underground robot league visited him and rewrote all the books."
The irritated receptionist flipped an 'temporarily out of service' sign up and closed the shutter over the glass. Boo was backing away when the doctor sniffed the air, impressively through the scarf around his lower face. He spun, giddily, "You there. Stop. I beckon you. You won't regret it."
Boo almost choked on their own spit. Everyone could sense they were weirdos anyway, and gave them space outdoors.
Boo realized that was a terrible idea. The stranger even owned a creepy van on the curb. "I promise not who you think-"
"Again, with the volume. I shall emancipate you. Yoink, as the kids say!" He plucked a tiny tracking device from behind the boo's invisible ear, further exaggerating their stupefied look. "Mr. Charles or Spy Guy is a crafty scoundrel for this, recruiting the uninitiated so that I cannot snuff him out upon my arrival in town. I can always see the red blink lights and detect the odor of hand sanitizer. It will make sense later. Super Spy HQ is only one of five million secret organizations I know of and will document one day with a best seller to shut up those naysayers," he explained importantly, simultaneously revealing an out of date atlas. "Oh, and are there any alternative hospitals in the area?"
Boo hesitantly pointed down South.
"Splendid. Hahaha." He rubbed his mittens together. "I am Professor Morris Cosmo X-naut, Dr. Toad's best scientist. The fellow once told me my intelligence scares him.. or was it my resume. Anyway I own documents from Dr. Mario, essential for curing MF safely. Did I mention we're mad scientists at the Special World Hospital? Drew keeps it on the downlow, like much else- not that I judge!"
Sweat rolled off Boo's forehead. Were they doing something wrong all along? It all seemed like too much then.. They were split.
Kylie burst out quicker than the automatic doors could open for her. "I'm in, woot woot!" she cheered. "Drop whatever ya doing cause we got permission. It's gonna be the biggest thing since the Star Festival. And yes if you come, you're gonna be popular!" she sang.
Booigi the Second revolved to face her with a half smile. "I know I will."
Saul Toad verified the order of his cheat cards one last time, then tucked them under his cuff. A roar was deafening outside the tent set up, emanating from onlookers at the bank. Any closer was prohibited and the prayer circles or whatever they were at the castle wreckage site were broken up so a pa system could be planted and some order restored. The orange capped toad in military uniform, official public speaker for the Mushroom King, had only flown down an hour ago and with a misbuttoned jacket. He was intent on making up for that graceless arrival. He'd blow them away. When it was over, they'd be speechless. Toad Town was only peasants and vagrants. Just imagine everyone at the lakefront in their underwear, worked every time!
Heading up to the mic stands on the raised area of the lawn with the cannon, he was escorted by his choice of guard on each side. The local police offered previously, however he relegated those freaks to the sidelines.
"It's gonna be good," squeaked the left one. Their name escaped Saul, some average height toad of intermediate gender. That's the spirit.
The other more imposing one kept silent and hazily secured his right side. Saul would have delivered a lashing if not in full view of the crowd at that point. That was Benedict's thanks for being pardoned and not sent to the gallows?
Saul began with the pleasantries and credentials and then rolled right into it. "… Pleased to declare, our King will rebuild his daughter's castle in all its splendor and beauty!" He allowed applause to reside. "-On a plot of land graciously bestowed from his estate in Poshley Heights!… Questions?"
Intentional trick question, rather. Only the handful in the front could shout something intelligible, and most of them were 'citizens' the Poshley guards planted. Lakitu raised his hand nervously. It was 'the' Lakitu, of the Lakitu Bros with a film camera running and extensive history with Mario and co's sports.
"Hm. Interesting. It's just that the princess never expressed that desire."
"Perhaps not to you. Why wouldn't she want her Castle closer to her father and in a 'safer' nicer area?" Some murmuring arose anew in the crowd, starting at the front and rolling back. About as expected.
A few more citizens expressed their views as a boo brought Kylie Koopa to the front. The ritzy reporter was nauseous from being phased through body after body, but the excitement of the destination helped her battle it. She prepared her DSLR. The backdrop was striking. Click click click. The jagged ruins of the castle.. Star Hill's purple elevations beyond that ..the aristocrats in their midst lined up all intimidating like.. Snifit Patrol wagging a finger at her from his silver car parked by the tree..
Kylie lowered the camera and waved frivolously. Her eye wandered in the process to a semi-visible Boo crossing the prohibited tape. It must have been some residual power from before, as she noticed she was the only one who could see the boo go uphill and towards- They were NOT heading for pesky Snifit Patrol, but Saul in the middle of answering something from a Sarasaland roketon diplomat. Kylie watched in slow motion the boo solidify, reveal, and aim her gift, the ray gun, point blank at the King's representative.
"Open. Your. Ears. This is what the millions the back who you refuse to hear really think." Booigi fired.
On instinct, the guards pivoted around at the giant, quickly evaporating poof of smoke from the barrel and into the freezie in between them. Saul was trapped inside, suspended in his wide mouthed open palmed pose of terror, and in moving, the dull iron super scope both guards held had tapped against the ice. It eerily creaked, audible to many with the surreal silence that draped over the audience, and crumbled into dozens of pieces containing his diced chunks. Some slipped down the hill and against the feet of the onlookers and others into the lake where they floated.
Not the way Booigi the Second intended to make it a wash out, but it worked.
To be continued:
Author note continued from above : Because..this has secretly been a harem story the entire time and everyone is secretly in love with Mario or Luigi (a joke).
On serious note a growing trend, especially as I completely rewrite events and scenarios from the 2019 version is that I never know what the chapter name is going to be until the editing process where I look back and notice a theme. Hopefully this one was obvious.
Dates: 7/11 (tiny portion), 7/20 (true start), 7/22/22, 25, 26, 28, 30, 31
