Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever (Redux)

Bloom (Chapter 21)

Disclaimer: Mario and co. belongs to Nintendo.

Author note: This is an actual double length, as I'm not splitting this up like the previous two. We proceed the story considerably, hopefully making up for the development time. See the plethora of closing notes.

Content warning: Mood whiplash, a little gore, violence, serious themes, a heck of a lotta references


He just wanted to melt and he wasn't sure if it was in a good way or not, separating a swift half step before being caught by both arms.

"What Mario? I- I just wanted- to try- uh, somethin' new!"

"Two things," the plumber laughed gently. "I've never seen you in your crown before."

"For a reason…Errgh. "

Mario's hand had been sliding upwards from his scaly wrist until, at the crook of his elbow, the rumble from that groan clapped him back to reality. Like the early laps of the Rainbow Road race two days ago, he was so ahead of the pack he was zoning out. It was business time and someone else was the priority, such as-

"-CAREFUL! Hold me, both of you!"

The stairs creaked above.

Bowser raised both claws over his head. "Whatever's goin' on I didn't do it!"

Toadsworth, followed by Luigi holding on to the princess emerged. She tripped on the last step and stumbled into Toadsworth. Luigi stabilized both in desperation.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know! ...Toad, get in here! We need your phone!"

"Luigi," Mario began, starting to approach.

"There's a relatively swift way home. Remember how The Captain got the leg up on us."

Mario held a blank look like he'd forgotten. Luigi could never, not after Toad's experiences.


~All are vanquished from the territories except one by the merits of their innate evasive abilities. Some revel in how they affright the toads, others wish only to lord undisturbed over the plots they've rightfully owned for generations. Their love of accumulating trinkets draws a crowd to the amphitheater where treasure is tucked amongst the catacombs. After the fourth visit, deep down, too far to teleport out, a torch was tossed behind them. They are sealed in their own tomb by a traitor. ~

The relentless blue flames reflect on their watery eyes. The tortured cries of ancestors pierces them. Those toads will pay, they want to growl, sobbing too incoherently to articulate.

"Remember we're playing the long game now," purrs the mentor, discerning their sentiment. "-Retire tonight kid."

"But.. I'm..."

"Double booked? Keep that secret agent side hustle if you want, but don't let them compromise this!"

"Yes, thank you,"

He allows the projection screen to retract and spin, the fabricated classroom whittling away panel by panel. Bushy thick eyebrows arch in amusement. He almost wishes there was an audience to witness how he'd perfected his telepathy, skilled enough to cram decades of curated information into a subject's mind in one session.

...

The reporter snagged the fire ax of the establishment. He wedged a green bottle of the club's finest between him and the side of the wheelchair and bundles of shop towels on his other, then parted from the subject. Eventually he surveyed castle grounds from across the glassy still lake, the mirror image it should have of Peach's Castle missing. He kicked off a shiny left dress shoe and braced before chopping his exposed pinky toe to the bone. He watched the disembodied digit bounce off the foot rest to shore, capitulating painfully, at least emotionally, that he was truly paraplegic. He got over it. This could be an asset when he had to make sacrifices to be this powerful.

He gestured first to the lake. Bubbles emerged as fragments rose, white painted bricks, pink tiles…


Dusk hours made the blinking lights obvious to sheepish observers, realizing with a slap to the grizzled face that there wasn't supposed to be a second water tower near Mt. Rugged. One rancher was even zapped by the entity's defense system after wandering too close. Already dubious of the Sarsalandians and Dr. Toadley, a party was organized to sniff it out. Dr. Topper in the back of the candlelit town square meeting rushed to the lab with renewed zeal, as it matched the description of the spaceship of none other than Prof. Morris X-Naut. If they outpaced the Southerners and use it to beam the professor in from his unknown location in Toad Town, problem solved, except…Dr. Toad was still in his atelier.

He flattened down his tie-dye jacket, resisting making a scene. The sand in the hourglass on the table drained steadily, like their time before Mr. X would expect results. Dr. Toad never gave the team an explanation of why it was essential they tackle this flu issue, and now he was treating it lackadaisical? "Why don't you slip on your shoes?"

Startled, Dr. Toad dropped some pastels. "It's more comfortable without them," the toad doctor replied, composed again.

The hammer brother pursed his lips and said bluntly, "We've found Prof. X-Naut's ship.."

"-Maverick and Sigmund should hear this." Dr. Toad brushed past to clack away on the computer.

Dr. Topper tried to bend around the tall toad and squint at the messages through the narrow angles on the LCD. He'd been on it playing chess previously, but this was ridiculous. "Can't that wait? Dr. Gloom nor Shrinkasaurus showed up at your request and we both know Morris is daring enough to wander the streets for hours.…I'll just take a peek alone-"

Dr. Toad snatched him by the coat. "Something special is inside, John."

"Private? Drew, I wouldn't-"

He jabbed the 'send' button. "-I will handle it, I promise."

The green hammer brother folded his arms. "Since you promised on your own accord. I'll see to it." He desperately wanted to feel confident however, aside from other qualms, the way Dr. Toad went behind their backs and approved for a patient they'd worked on to go on an adventure with symptoms of acute heart failure irreparably jaded his ethics.


The K64 was an antiquated pedestrian class train based in The Mushroom Kingdom, overshadowed by methods of travel or high speed rail services like the Toad Town 101, but beloved still for its dedicated staff. The conductor keeping vigil answered the call to come down to Mario and company's elation, mostly-

"It's only brain fever! I will sleep it off in my bed!" she said to ward off a subordinate.

She leaned into her palms, frizzed out hair hanging. Toadsworth rested a hand on her back, on the verge of some conniption, though ultimately unable or willing to question her either.

Weighty Toad backed off. Peach sometimes had that disposition post rescue from, as construed, burdening and despairing her friends, something the Lakitu Bros chronicling the big adventures edited out to reinforce the illusion of happy endings and an quick return to status quo.

Returning Toad crossed Jr. Troopa, folded into a paper swan after thinking he could take on more Koopalings. The next row held Mario, twiddling thumbs, a lumpy tarp covered object taking up the rest of his half row. Finally Luigi was in the front, alerted when Toad slid in next to him.

He adjusted Kinopio's iPhone on the lowest backlight setting and used the notes app to stealthily communicate to the green plumber.

'Something's up with our girl AND Samuel. Still you saved the day! (party emoji) and first thing tomorrow we- (magnifying glass emoji) on those two. Also I buy you a- (cake emoji).'

Luigi stifled laughs, enough to make Mario glance over. Luigi self consciously ducked some, replying, 'Can't wholly celebrate. I got distracted and broke my promise to see Boo today.'

'Srs?'

Luigi timidly leaned his elbow against the shaded window so he wouldn't have to look his friend in the face. 'I'm guilty I forgot about the new friendships I was trying to start. At the same time, your inclusion captured the zeitgeist of the old days. My apprehension ebbed. just what I needed with today's momentous stakes. I owe my soda distraction tonight to you as well, as photos of you chugging that stuff flashed in my head. I hypothesized if you hate carbonation and were caught off guard anyway, a bunch of dull mooks definitely would.'

Toad bent closer to their chatter forming one big paragraph on the display, the legal pad skeuomorphism of the application bathing him in yellow. Luigi steeled himself for some derision, surely after unleashing that wave of patheticness.

'Show the pics!'

'Certain? It's typical, except your whopping two-hundred volleys in one set! You didn't starch your vest, you've lost ten pounds without telling me, one shoe was untied, and your fly was not quite open, but dangerously getting there. I yelled from the stands but that wasn't going to work, lol.'

Toad had an empty stare at the headrest ahead, then giggled. 'What was funny about anyone else you zoomed in on?'

Luigi scratched behind his ear. 'Daisy was on fleek.'

'That's all? Guess.. You're over her for sure.'

Luigi sighed out loud. 'Don't start. I wanted companionship. Things were fiery, explosive, and- I learned that wasn't my love language. I must be the problem. '

'No way.'

'Toad I'm a socially inept dork that became Mr. Hero overnight. I'm going off observations back from the Real World, and Yoshi and Birdo or Toadette and Bucken-Berry. Heck, even Toadsworth and Zess T. hitting it off. Some kind of dysfunction has to be inevitable-'

A low battery warning interrupted him. Before it was handled, the train hit a bump that almost launched everyone through the roof. Sparks were flying outside, the windows amber. The engineer ran back, apologizing for not reducing speed at a track switch and scurried off before retaliation was possible.

The entire cabin was in disarray, everyone yammering. Toad returned to his seat and picked right back up. "Don't say that crap. There are relationships out there where they know each other great and everything is calm and nothing crazy happens because their 'boring' people think, but actually kind, attentive, articulate, smart, and low-key braver than their brother all along because they'd trucked along for years with a fraction of the support-"

"Huh?" The green plumber was dizzily suspended by the coat racks.

"I forgot to whisper that.." Toad bit his tongue.

Jr. Troopa was jumbled up into being normal again if crumpled. "Whatever was just said, I didn't hear it 'cause my ears were ringing but also-Ye haw! We're almost back!"

Everyone, even the princess erupted in applause. Luigi flipped up the shutters. Shimmering sea as they were skipping from rickety, just functional bridged islands. There was another curious thing that got them murmuring, some parakoopas working under utility lights, erecting a billboard for Wendy O. for mayor.

Toad kicked his feet, breaking into a cold sweat. He made a choice, hopefully not his last. He boldly stood on his seat. "Heads up! Neo Bowser City is about to elect a new mayor and.. I'm a candidate too."

"Preposterous!" Toadsworth cried.

"You've sent me there for commerce in the past and yesterday we were sorta in a Peace Pact," he explained, flushing. "The castle runs itself so one of us out there might make it more peaceful."

Luigi stood slowly. "Toad's a famous face, has never been in a scandal, and knows Darklandian, a good ice-breaker to those folks. I'd know, he taught me."

"See you get it. I was wondering if.. you'd be my deputy?"

Luigi rayed. "Absolutely."

Peach shot up. "Not! Stop all of this! I don't want to link us there."

Then Mario leaned over his seat. "Peach, this doesn't sully you at all. Toad I'll vote for you."

"Me too, partner!" Troopa chipped in. "I'd get a whole slew of the folks down South with me."

"Aye aye!" was the muffled shout of the conductor.

The princess massaged her temples and sat hard. Toadsworth simmered on the edge of his seat, caught between consoling her and reprimanding the others.

"Heck yeah! So we can talk about campaigns and procedures and stuff together, homeboy." Toad shook Luigi's hand. They pulled it into a hug, treating the mixed reaction close enough to victory. The Castle Advisor used volume control as they seated, whispering. "And I was thinking, like.. Over dinner sometime? I mean, if you want.."

Luigi felt the pressure increase slightly in the clasp of the hand shake they were still holding. They locked eyes. Luigi forgot to breathe for a second. Did he mean…

"You didn't see that coming.." Something in Toad's voice revealed he didn't either. "So what I mean is, how do you feel about love now?" The even shakier delivery vanquished any lingering fears that he was eschewing his aim.

The plumber leaned back into the seats, blushing. "Uh... I..Yeah..."


"Can we ditch this place like Daisy?"

"That has to be a hoax. Gosh, I thought you'd appreciate staying indoors with your chills."

Beads of sweat rolling from her forehead, the pink toad closed a bookmarked page, seated next to the lime green toad cocooned in heavy blankets before the fireplace. Toadette remained behind with him to study and because Peach's parcel needed to be carried by someone. It resembled a purse, so of course everyone suggested the female identifying one handle it. (She was caught between offense and being kinda honored. Honor prevailed.)

"-So we're going? Great." Kinopio-Kun grasped his walker firmly to test out his weak steps, the first since physical therapy back at MK East. "K64 can't delay, not even by one minute. I'm on borrowed time, Kinopiko."

She replied plainly, "Boos have terrified people with hallucinations for centuries. You'll be alright."

"Not if I experience kodokushi. I'm resigning.."

In the middle of packing up her Shroomish translation materials, her gaze settled on Kinopio-Kun stepping into his shoes at the door. He was from 'Japan', a far eastern island sector of King Omarinon's Water Land. His bishie sparkles when he immigrated to Peach Castle was mesmerizing to otherwise insular Mushroomites. His presence was treated like a gift, how could he leave?

"Kinopio-Kun, don't be rash-"

"No in a mood to argue."

The toads began the lengthy journey to the train station. What was a nice western town in the day was desolate, dark and cold in the twilight. The way he shuffled next to her, he was unrecognizable, even in his custom light green and gold vest with tan pants. "What was that word you used before?"

He looked at her. "I got 128 billion followers, fifteen endorsements, connections all over the Mushroom World.. -yet I'm gonna die alone," he explained, his raspy heavily accented voice thinning. "That's the vision I saw."

"Why do you believe it?" she prodded.

"Because the signs were in my face! When sponsors rode up to visit me in the hospital with sympathy cards, it was just their way of sneaking invoices past the nurses. No greetings. I am a utility Kinopiko, deluded into thinking I'm on another level than y'all. I wanna return to my family's rice farm so I'm not alone and I can remind myself what it's like to be the peon again too for good measure."

"I respect that," she replied, thoughtfully. She assumed he was content being standoffish and entrenched in that lucrative lifestyle , a reminder that her percipience was mostly in the abstract, with gaping void in her interpersonal understanding. It heightened her resolve to continue learning and challenging what she'd dare not before, such as what her half of the 'recipe' from Hotel Mario was, and- more presently, how to follow a map correctly.

As they were dressed like cityfolk and Toadette had books under her arms, and Kinopio plastic containers (of medication unbeknownst), they appeared like nocturnal salesmen or evangelists when strolling down someone's driveway by mistake, it indistinguishable from forks in the road. Awkward times.. Eventually they were out of residential area, where the stars twinkled in the deep blue sky and insects chirped from high bean farms, the stalks waving frequently in the wind.

Toadette soured as they crossed a pillory belonging to the local jail at the side of the road, wooden individual cells side by side. Imprisoned Paper Macho Outlaws clamored at the bars.

"-Psst. You over there. Help us out," croaked someone in the last cell. "We don't belong here!"

Toadette flashed a light upwards at two short snouts sticking out the bars.

"Like we're going to fall for this.." Kinopio said down low. "Who are ya anyway?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Hotstuff," answered a different screechy and softer voice.

Both toads rolled their eyes.

"No, it's true! We were minding our business in our jacuzzi then- wham! We're in this smelly old vehicle of some health inspector weirdos. They locked us up because we're koopas! We're sweet 'n innocent!"

"Hmph, mostly.." groused the other inmate.

"Got somethin' reflective? Couldja just, erm, write our names in it?"

Toadette gestured to silently walk away. Kinopio in pity slipped them a business card for a good attorney. Toadette found that unexpectedly thoughtful and was inspired to spare a little mirror anyway, whatever it was wanted for. She'd not miss the cheap thing. They continued on until a bright flash casted their shadow as far as Vick's barn a quarter mile off. They spun to find two wrinkly magikoopas outside the cell, one in dark blue trunks, the other a purple one piece, the mirror at their feet and shattered from behind tossed out by them.

"Kamek! Kammy!"

"-Hotstuff, toady brat!" Kamek sneered. "Mr. and Mrs. Hotstuff to you!"

"We used the internet to legally change it so we could fool some schmuck!" Kammy 'Hotstuff' revealed a senior oriented phone with oversized buttons.

"You had a.." she trailed, gawking. "Excuse me, but why not just call someone for help?"

The magikoopas shrugged at each other. "Maybe our folks were in mountains or something. Sayonara!" They whisked off in the country.

"Ugh! Just what we needed." Gritting her teeth, Toadette tugged Kinopio along, chasing the baddies to a western styled theater. Spotlights lit up the advert for the traveling Paper Macho Friends Troupe. Jazzy music bled out the open swing doors and ostros of those inside were tied to stakes. Someone blocked the toads.

"Sold out," informed the noki nurse they seen around, name tag bearing the odd name 'Laki Bond'.

Kinopio whipped out a platinum VIP pass. Laki adjusted his glasses, enamored for a spat. He quickly shifted out of the way for them. Indoors the lobby was devoid of anyone, the snack booth was closed, and one person was in the timed coin operated massage chairs.

She tapped Kamek, crusty feet up leasure. "I am so reporting you!"

"Why?"

"...Uh… You have no shirt or shoes! …And you used a wooden coin for the machine. I literally see the string attached to it in your hand!"

"Go on Karen, ee hee hee!"

Determined Toadette stepped away, spotting someone ostensibly of authority entering the auditorium. She tracked the country toad girl down in the isle.

"Howdy!" Rou T. as the nametag stated squeezed the mess out of Toadette, pulling her with her. "Sorry Luci T., didn't think you'd wander down. I see a spot!"

Some Birdo lookalike lip synced before dancing cowboys as Toadette found herself stuffed in a front row seat with the nurse. She glanced to her left.

"I adore this show!" Kammy squeed.

Then the lead singer pointed Toadette out. "You there, daarrling! Come on up!"

The intonation, drawl, all inaccurate to the real pink dinosaur. Toadette would know, Birdo being a modern classic figure she studied. She tethered on if she should hop on stage for a moment, to make this learning opportunity if anything.

Losing sight of Toadette, Kinopio backed outside again, panged with enervation. His island dwelling instincts resurged, taking note of the bright spotlights. He carefully dropped without bending his back and swiveled one towards the clouds, jiggling the plug to power switch it in a pattern. He then offered the noki approaching a wad of cash.

"I will not accept a bribe to ignore you," Laki replied sternly.

The toad let the bills drop, like they were worthless. "That's to not ignore me. Talk."

"I don't understand, sir." Laki saw him take off the designer white and gold tanooki shawl "Aren't you chilly?"

"I'm burning up. Now tell me a story, please I.. underestimated.."


"What did the King say? Over."

"Koopalings spotted outside palace. Earthquake ruined the construction zone for daughter's castle. Hoooold it, I'm doing the interrogation here!"

She gave a snort, with the hand off the receiver button.

The senior guard continued, "-You've been absent for hours! We've set camp at so and so coordinates. It's southward and not on any maps for some reason, eh. Very flat and fugitive Boo Elenor Diddley hasn't been seen. I suggest you and Jonathan get here for discipline. Over."

"Sure. Over." She clicked. "…My dead body."

The toad guard dinked around in protest, plucking away at the guitar, hooked through an effects pedal and into the speaker of her radio via an adapter she found at a Radioshack, creating an awful screech that fit right in with her audience of cicadas in the bushes and shrubs of Toad Town park. A few coins were in her pocket from manning landlines for Kylie Koopa, phone bombing MK East, leading to the 'scoop' that former nurse Nass T. might be in town. Now that chapter was over, and Bridget wasn't too invested in the ramifications of that.

The guard half tiredly fixated on the metallic green Boss Waza-Craft BS-3 'Blame-Shifter' modulation pedal in the grass. It was from the pink boo Trevor, her boyfriend maybe.. He'd truthfully told her to not activate it until Festive Tree day after she found the present early during the first and only time she'd been inside his home. No telling what he'd think considering she snuck it out with her and held on to it until now, when at last she had the guitar to accompany it. She stomped on it. The 'Check' light came on. The knob was on the 'bassist' mode.

Far far away, Lemmy Koopa was smacked with depression. "I feel like everything is my fault, the thing with Iggy, you, and Wendy. I remember it as well as yesterday evening.. Because most of it was."

Ludwig, in the backseat of the intergalactic holographic Biddybuggy, swept him closer. "Fret not. Look at this mission of what we need to gather.." He unfolded an ancient scroll, from Geno.

"Eggs, a figurine, and an engagement ring?-"

The blue haired koopaling flipped the shopping list around and bashfully tucked that way. Before he retrieved the real thing, Snifit Patrol in the front passenger spot pointed to something twinkling on the approaching home planet.

"A distress signal!"

"Officer, we are occupied enough with a treasure hunt!" Ludwig said.

"No, let's help Sumeet, Luddy," Lemmy squeaked. "Maybe I'll feel better.."

Groaning, the blue haired koopaling let them take the detour.

Bridget got bored with that and spun the knob counterclockwise to the 'vox' mode.

Birdo shut tight her blinds to darken the motel somewhat. In Subcon it was morning and her sleep schedule was already wrecked from traveling the entire way straight. Her luggage was dropped next to the fluffy cloud couch she flopped down on. Yoshi's revelations were stinging but dead-on. Anxiously sitting on the side of the bed when he was on adventure, the frequent arguments, it all drained her soul. Distanced from that and the modeling, she'd be motivated to take on her greatest pleasure again, stage performing with her campy theater crew. Something she'd packed was calling to her- or delirium from guzzled tea was settling in.. She unzipped the hot pink suitcase. A golden phanto mask was on top of clothes, that other modeling prop aside from the Bronze Egg.

She relaxed again and made a call to Yoshi. It failed to even ring. He must be on airplane mode. She shook her head, gaily. No that can't be it. He was terrified of flying! She wanted it gone like the abhorrent egg. Who could she call? She tried a fellow influencer..

"-Hello, Kinopio-Kun darling. It's Birdo. I can't reach Yoshi, so would you like me to mail this artifact over? I used to collect and I'm out of that game. I know you work with brokers."

"...Uh -Hey! This is Mr. Toad, his boss." He covered over the speaker and turned to Luigi, looking back expectantly. "We have a museum so send it. By the way have you heard of- Hello?..." Disappointed, he put down the dying phone. "I was gonna mention if she's heard of the Vrlrdyi Scope that The Captain stole. It made me see something crazy."

"Again.. What?"

Toad slapped his leg benignly. "A whole building sprouted outta nowhere."

As a last ditch effort to see some effect, Bridget turned to the center 'self' mode, instantly getting thwomped with despair.

He slung her gear into the hard case, sat for a moment and then screamed. A cog in their machine she was no more. She ripped off her black combat helmet. It bounced into the sandpit and her auburn hair was released. She crushed the radio with her boots. She unsnapped the armor. Freed from that heavy gear, she felt weightless. All she needed was to fly in her B-Dasher. -Which was revving up on the park's curb, headlights on.

"Jon!" she howled, sprinting through the park. She flipped off the top of the jungle gym, spun in the air acrobatically and caught the kart by the bumper.

Then it sped off.

Her head banged, completely unlike during a concert like she'd dreamed, against the metal chrome parts as she was dragged around, noxious gasses from the exhaust choking her. A sharp curve flung her off into the middle of the road, where another kart swerved around her. Lifting up painfully, a few bikes went by and pedestrians were on the street. Without commotion in the city, Mushroomites made up for missed business very late or stayed out to see the princess return.

She gleaned that rather accurately from the loudmouth on the sidewalk, in front of the HotFoot Locker.

"-Good take?"

"Yeah." The other Lakitu brother lowered the camera. They had Mushroom Press patches.

"Now we're gonna cover that abandoned tank around the block?"

His cloud riding brother nodded, then spun around rapidly as Bridget pushed by. She found the unattended tank, not preferable and sluggish, moreso with the Kettle thing strapped to it, the reason she enrolled in the bring your own vehicle program. She took it anyway, pinching her nose for the inevitable stank of the interior and made off again. With knowledge of the city from earlier joy riding, she took a shortcut through the garden leading to Flower Fields, cut through the pipes to the tunnels, and intercepted the B-Dasher as it crossed the Shy Guy's Toy Box amusement park portal.

"Stop! I need your teapot or I'll become almost unbearable to deal with!" Some crazy guy lept in front of the tank and wrapped himself around the gun.

She slammed open the hatch, fuming. "The kettle?"

The small alien slid off. A mildly portly shorter grey skinned humanoid, he had a grubby white doctor's coat, a tin foil hat and thick goggles. Outside the unmarked eastern building was his ratty medical bag. Scratches on the door told her he'd been lockpicking and succeeded, as light bled through the sides of the entrance.

"-However you northerners refer to it. You would not want to venture too far up north anyway, with those psy waves abound. Ah hem. I am Prof. X-Naut, #1 scientist and secret organization target. Since you are not a proponent of the powers that be, Ms. Bridget Jane Toad, considering you reside in Poshley Heights, room 74 at the Inn, I thought you might be inclined to assist."

Baffled, she staggered back against the armored vehicle. "Hey, dude. Just.. take it!" She released the elastic bands. The one ton cooking ware slid down the sloped tank edge and flattened him before she could intervene. "Crap."

"Oh no, half capacity is sufficient to nuke the diabolical hideout the most dangerous covert organization in Toad Town." Prof. X-Naut chortled, effortlessly slipping right out from underneath. The paper character flipped upwards, unharmed except a small crease on his top corner. "If SS HQ is not remediated, the documents regarding Mushroom Flu will be compromised, a fate worser than you can imagine. I am grateful for your cooperation. You may carry my MacGuffin for now. It catches Red Chomps in Neon Heights after a player has landed on the happening space, wearing a Close Call badge. I'm Feeling Fine. No, I did not have an anachronism.."

He shoved a brown leather messenger bag at her, so lightweight it wanted to lift out of her hands on its own and with a strong hoydenish aroma she enjoyed more than she should in that brief whiff.

"Haha, you mean aneurysm?"

"No, I mean a stroke." The odd little man revealed a golf club and left her dumbfounded, all the way until she encountered her baby, her B-Dasher in a wreck a block down.

It was lodged between concrete poles designed to prevent an outlet from some E-rated gambling district. The Game Guy alley was a mini Mario Party board with less than twenty functional spaces and props of a carnival lining the sides for atmosphere. She winched, zoning in on the scratched paint. Enraged, she yanked the other guard out of the seat by the ear, standing over him as he splat flat on the pavement.

"Explain. Com'on. Right now!"

His eyes fluttered open. "Ben called for me. He's out of the water."

She leaned up, scowl fading. Jon had to be delusional. The squad wouldn't keep Benedict's body rotting in Peach's lake, would they?


Much excitement and uncertainty alike pooled in the toads waiting under the canopy of the Mt. Rugged rail station. The usual procedure during a kidnap was to stick to the castle- an impossibility. Would Princess Peach be disturbed by how desultory they were and the hijinks that ensnared them due to that? What about that they'd accepted a new steward from Dark Land that she never met? What of that past toad rescuer Ala-Gold Wolley Toad had never improved up following Zoo's attack? That's what weighed on the blue toad scaling down to make a call. He thought he was being proactive given the situation, as across the globe in Ricco Harbor it would be about sunrise now.

Some rowdy looking shy guys and koopas with red scarves wrapped around their faces wrestled with their ostros next to the payphone stall, their steeds spooked wavy northern lights, casting over crops and fields with a rouge glow. The blue toad dodged behind a large rock and peered at a clump of lights on the horizon, the city where it wasn't originating from. Something zipped across his vision, escaping the gang's clutches.

He impulsively pursued the Mecha-Yoshi rider down into a moo moo pasture where the robot valleyed in a dip in the ground. The rider hopped off and pensively examined an open panel on the mecha's neck. Bucken-Berry tip toed. The stooped low farm animals had him recall an old sailors superstition from Ala-Gold. That meant a storm was a-brewin' brah. ..But there weren't cows in the ocean and it was just as likely they were sleepy since it was midnight to the dot. Bucken-Berry could read the familiar looking analog watch on the red toad's right wrist- that's how close he was.

"Hey. Dude."

The other guy juggled his pda in surprise, just catching it. "I apologize. I struggle with this skittishness when.." he trailed, a spark in his eyes.

"Wait.. are you-"

Bucken-Berry was cut off by a charging debull. Instinctively, he pulled the other toad away as the beast plowed through the Mecha, mechanical parts scattering on the farm. All the moo moos were roused into a stampede. Bucken-Berry snatched the other guy up by his collar and lept upwards, bouncing from each one until lobbed over the perimeter together, where a big googie styled city limits billboard cast light on them with its mix of working and blown out lightbulbs. Painted purple, it stated 'Area 64 Starts Here'. A little ways down was an army camp with a fire, tents, parked Dry-Bomber tanks.

Bucken-Berry's heart skipped a beat. Not hunched over some screen with a white coat on, that red toad was even taller and more lively with his blond wavy medium length hair down. His revealed undershirt was tailored short sleeved button up, a sky blue with a shine sprite pattern printed on. Striking black tribal tattoos wrapped around both arms. Another layer of intrigue regarding Zoo's..freakin…brother.

"I freaking knew it," the blue toad hissed. "What even put you out here?"

"Me becoming myopic. Umm, thank you Bucken-Berry," he replied, suppressing inflection. "Now I'm intact to handle something long overdue-"

"Hold on!" The blue toad caught up. "You're Drew L. Diddley, artist of.. Whatever this word means. Take the thing."

Dr. Toad had a flicker of something and then slipped 'Assemblation' into his back jeans pockets. "That classic.. I supposed the signature on the back uncovered some oddities. That I am of half toad and boo lineage and that Zoo Diddley, yes my younger psychotic sibling, owned it. I will explain it all some other time if we… exchange numbers," he beamed.

Not thinking, Bucken-Berry agreed. He glanced from the digits on the slip of paper and back up- the doctor had teleported almost a third of the way up the ladder of this bulb shaped water tower, shimmering silver in the moonlight. Bucken-Berry dashed to the barbed fence around it.

"HEY!"

"Maintain your distance!" Dr. Toad advised, still sounding pleased with himself and continuing to climb.

Yeah, right, the blue toad spat. He'd just jump that tiny gate thing. Backing up for a running start, he trampled on something hidden in tumbleweeds. He kicked some dislodged battery pack.

"Thanks, could we please have that, Blue Toad?" The polite inquirer had a sweet little voice, Darklandian accented.

He brushed against Lemmy Koopa, stature stretched out a lot, glowing like the environment.

"Eek a.. I mean.. Koopa freak. Your scheme failed bro! Piss off!" he shook a fist.

Shrieking, Lemmy retreated behind Iggy, on his knees twisting a screwdriver at a heap of something that had crash landed. Ludwig was tapping a foot, busy with scrolls, and they all had a glow matching the astral phenomena. Before he got to walloping, a fourth person was revealed when a stubby arm rose from a dented up water trough. They reached over, and a snufit exhaustively spilled out of it, panting.

"State..the.. Emergency. Snifit Patrol… at.. Your.. service.. Citizen..Oof.."

Bucken-Berry marched to the officer. "What the heck is going on?!"

Iggy Delta rose. "My Transporter-To-Convenient-Plotpoint-Location DLC downloaded!" he triumphantly announced. "Except I prematurely blasted this area with intense gamma rays when there was no distress signal, only a blinking theater spotlight. And it was to the wrong plot point."

Lemmy did a twirling gesture at his ear.

"Reserve that for me, Lemmy, for your shell is green and Ignitus orange, you six feet two, Ignitus four in a half, among other discrepancies in your physical appearances!" Ludwig commented.

"-Aaahhh!...Oh my God, our bodies are swapped! Or our heads. Or something!" Lemmy screamed with Iggy..

The woozy officer whipped between the two. "At least Ludwig and I came out unscathed."

"Thank the stars. I cannot tolerate any more setbacks!" However instead of walking off in a huff, the blue haired koopaling inexplicably inched on the ground like a worm…in a huff.

"Ho ho.. Let me find an incident report slip," Snifit Patrol sighed.

The water tower seemed like the normal option to Bucken-Berry afterall.

Dr. Toad breached the hull of the disguised spaceship, larger on the inside, the interior a mid century living room on side, mad lab the other . Puzzled at something else present, his eyebrows lowered.

"Did Houdini Toadley conspire with you? I wonder what quenched his reservations about Miracle Cures.."

"Well.. first of all. Hi, I'm Daisy." The human women had one leg over the other, gaming in Morris' wicker chair. She dropped a game machine into her lap, Pac-Man played all the way to the kill screen.

"You certainly are." Dr. Toad snatched the precious object from the counter, what he had to conceal, Zoo's diary. That anxiety clamping at him subsided as it was apparent no one had touched it. He'd never leave it here safekeeping again, not when the x-naut insisted he never took the ship out of his hangar on the Moon when he clearly did.

"I know this is off topic but, just been to Pinna Park or something?"

He felt the tag from the gift shop on his shirt. Except on the inside. "Princess.."

Daisy tacked on, "I got x-ray vision now cause of those rays in junk. Anyway, yeah Dr. Toadley visited, my people found me and I had to hide somewhere. It all has to do with the elections this Monday!"

"Election?"

"Yeah! Between Wendy O., Mr. Toad and- you'll never believe this-"

Bucken-Berry burst the hatch open. "-Drew watch out there's bad guys and… Daisy, you're up?! I mean great but-"

Dr. Toad backed into the buffet, mirthfully. "I presume you are immune to heavy radiation after all."

The blue toad stared blankly. "No I ain't."

He plummeted all the way to the ground and curled up, trembling. Lightning flashed out of nowhere. They gathered around, Daisy staggered out, the ranchers and the ostros gaped, King's guards a mile away snagged binoculars and Thomas at the station was awoken. Iggy Delta obsequiously faced his brothers.

"I SWEAR on the name of Koopa-San of the Super Plumbers that I'll beta test from now on!"


"Shape up. We'll go there, alright?" she explained softly, the other guard's head in her lap. His tears soaked her pants and tank top. Jon's deterioration was shocking, draining every ounce of combativeness out of the GI. She stood him up. "We can even play this board game thing to get through the alley."

She proceeded on to the blue space. Three coins popped out, making her gasp. She saved face, cooly scooping coinage. "Brilliant."

Jon held his helmet against his hip and groaned, "Let's play this 'ting."

The next space, a Game Guy spot, didn't do anything. Bridget ignorantly chose a red space, penalized by the coins poofing into dust. The Bowser was even worse. With the real guy unavailable, a Bowser Statue spawned out of mid air and crushed her before phasing away.

"You know nuthin 'bout Mario Party," Jon snarked at her back.

He exasperatedly explained the basics, almost like his old self. They only hit good spaces onward, Bridget enjoying herself while Jon lumbered at her heels. They escaped the Game Guy galla, marched through the dead flower fields, up the steep incline of Royal Raceway and to where elevation leveled off. There was a haze over the lake, so much it clouded Star Hill, but they did see immediately across where castle parts were hovering in some spots, joining on their own with uncanny precision in others. Above the work happening, there was a strange five pointed outline looming over it.

Stunned, Jon snapped a photo with the standard issue polaroid. He stored it in the dark messenger bag to develop, the only way their squad would believe this stuff. They stumbled back the way they came, in a dream-like state that continued until one of them forgot to roll a die and stepped on a happening space. Tweester spawned, forcing gale force winds down the alley. The leathered bag containing the MacGuffin was launched high in the sky along with them, dumped out into an adjacent street. Bridget whacked a full post receptacle. She grimaced from impact and through her teary eyes, she spotted Prof X-Naut's bag drift into the ether.

"Aww…" She sprinted back to that building he'd entered in and found the door locked again. She kept knocking and kicking at it.

"What are you doing?"

"A dude's super important thing was in that, aside from our photo evidence."

"Forget this." Jon tried to pull her away.

She resisted. "But we can't-"

Someone yawned behind them, a boo wearing a floppy blue and yellow stared sleeping cap, floating under the flickering street lamp. The green Bowser racket hung from their dominant hand, also with a matching sleeping cap stretched over it. Their hair rose, realizing who it was.

"Steal coins or a Star?" Their eyes then blotted out white for a flash then turned normal. "Let me start over. Thought I was.. Working my dismal summer job in that Game Guy board a block down.."

"Oh, we can go then-" Jon said.

"Stop," they zoned in on him, freezing him. "I can still be of service, hehe. You want to see Benedict again, don't you?"

"Y-yeah..?"

The boo swiveled to the other. "And you want…Trevor Buddy, my neighbor. Not home though."

"He swore to me he doesn't work at night. This is so..!" Bridget texted him quickly. "I probably deserve flakiness. Half in half out, he was willing to cross the barrier for me and I wasn't.."

"Want to now?" Booigi cooed, one eyebrow raising.

"I mean… Yeah. It's not too late ever, right?"

"Sure. Now let me grant. Your. Wishes."

They wound their arm up, it obvious what they were about to do with the racket in those microseconds. Bridget was paralyzed, yet Jon smiled peacefully, unwavering until he was sliced. With a sickening crack the frame wedged in the middle of his exposed helmetless forehead. A thin line of blood ran down and dripped off his chin. The boo unjammed it from the slot it carved and he crumpled on the spot he stood, the smack of his split open head on the sidewalk splattering the other guard's boot with brain matter.

She broke out of the daze and fired her zapper from her hip, possibly the best shot in her thirty-four years, a perfect shot between the boo's widening eyes.

Ladies and gentleman, we got 'em. She grinned even as the boo, wide eyed and bleeding now, turned out to not be mortally wounded. The racket swung for her. Jokes on them! Bridget could do cooler things dead, free from her compulsory bland society. Bashed flatly in the face with a snap, her lifeless body fell backwards before the entrance of SS HQ. The wound dripping, headache blistering, the boo searched the toad's bodies for the photo like the voice was commanding them. It wasn't there.

Now…what… Oh, Spy Guy could help locate it with satellites. Booigi phased into the unmarked hideout through the trap door. Unexpectedly they tumbled down into the pitch black bunker, too far to teleport back out. Now they were trapped in the maze-like hideout, almost.. like…


By a miracle of Eldstar, Yoshi soared over the desert dunes beyond Toad Town, but he'd lost against the clock. Trepidation seeped into his system, piloting on pure visuals, unable to determine altitude with the terrain a black sea. He turned the radio up, again for response. The cockpit was filled with the sound of banging metal, then a plunk.

'Mu ha ha ha! At last! -"

'All agents alert. Who's this scoundrel with night vision goggles and a 3 iron?'

'A titanium 3 iron for your information, Spy Captain Jeremy Ninten, chosen to prevent confiscation by border control AND to smash your high security locks to smithereens. Now prepare for- Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!'

There were all sorts of zapping noises, followed by the flop of something heavy.

'Good job, Spy Guy!'

'No problem N, we were never in danger. I knew he was tracing us since he conversed with Boo Diddley.'

'Who pilfered the experimental freeze gun?'

'Ah, well, they are a citizen I initiated for espionage sir. Because of them I know the princess has a document that implies-'

'-Stuff it Charles. Hey, N, uh, this guy.. See them papers on Mushroom Flu?''

Yoshi's heart raced. Why would that be at this fake airport?

'N, he's getting up!'

'My chronic aversion to glucose food additives has made my blood impossible to boil, fellow. Surrender my documents. I am blowing the lid off your hideout.'

'No way!'

'Yes you will. Yoink! By the way, all of you, including the bandit in the full body cast that has purposefully laid on the remote the entire time, broadcasting all audio live from this secret base as we speak, have been out of it for the last five minutes due to my Startrooper mind trick.'

"Noooo!" several bellowed under the sound of hot steam.

Yoshi's gaze darted to the clock. There was an incision in his memory of the last five minutes.

"-Wow, I'm numb all over but alive.." hoarsely babbled someone under Yoshi, securing the yoke. "Some Startrooper mind trick must have woke me up."

Yoshi sprung off his lap. "Sonny, my goodness.." In his own state of frenzy, he planted himself in the jumpseat behind. "Not to divulge what I shouldn't, but the pilot abandoned us on purpose and your uh, 'base' has a nutjob attacking it right now."

Emerson, already groggy, deflated with familiarity. "Mr. Munchakoopas, hate to pull a dejavu, but brace."

A peak of Mt. Rugged was in their path. The aircraft lurched nose up, with a crunch following somewhere around the tail section, and a sharp veer downwards. The toad adjusted the flaps at the last moment. They glided erratically, avoiding another plateau. There were bursts of orange and yellow speckling the ground from warfare. Then some humongous creature pulled the plane out of the sky, it's grasp crushing in the fuselage. The awkward angle made Yoshi tumble backwards into the cabin. A red slit pupil was trying to search inside.

"SUP, YOSH! Lemme set this down nice and easy- OWW.."

A missile made the creature plane, sticking dino to the ceiling until impact. Yoshi came to with flames dancing all around him, metallic scraps and loose debris pitched across the land, and crops ablaze. Gradually voices faded in. His throat seized from the nauseous fumes and billowing smoke, crawling on sharp parts, gravitated to his son's barking, treading embers until colliding with reeds and grass. He was doused immediately by Snifit Patrol with a garden hose stretched taut from the train station.

Yoshi rolled onto his back, panting, facing red tinted stars. He rolled, observing beyond Poochy shaking water from singed fur. Tanks and black spotted mushroom guards were fighting some Kaiju that vaguely resembled a toad and even more vaguely looked like Bucken-Berry, the fight veering away from the mountain.

Thoughts of pilot 'Emerson Lake Toad' (he kept reiterating so it couldn't dissipate, hoping his revival wasn't a dream all along) swarmed his mind under the locomotive horn blasting.

Toadette burned rubber to show up, weaving through the armory, Snifit Patrol, and with the aroma of popcorn and cheap theater, only stopped by her staff blocking the station's entrance with their jaws on the floor. "I'm here at the expected arrival time!"

"Toadette, don't you see what's going on?" Joseph looked at her funny. "Even I heard the explosions."

She paled, taking a gander. "Oh.. heavens. Really hyper focused there," she signed and spoke simultaneously.

"-Thank you." Peach swept the parcel straight from her fingers. The princess had squeezed out the K64 before the squeaky doors completely opened.

The pink toad tagged along, appalled at her condition. "Princess are you okay?"

"You are still in your bloom of youth. Don't concern yourself…"

The monarch marched, stumbled rather, down the mountain path the way Toadette just came, equally as imperturbable.

Toadette uncomfortably put on a smile for the staff. "It appears I learned from the best."


Author's note: Abysmal scheduling from direction changes. Also, did I just pull a crackship move? Yep.

-For Dr. Toad, technically a canon character from the Mario & Luigi RPGs, imagine he has Kerry King's tribal tats.

-In French Dr. Toadley's name plays off of Houdini, that's where his first name comes from. Funnily enough his name in various languages differ and almost never draw from the same source.

-Similarly Luc T. is the name of the pink sister in the Traveling Sisters 3, only in the Spanish translation.

-Boss Blame-Shifter is a meme I did not create (just Google the phrase) , though the way I incorporated it into the story is my own. Since the plot is about mystical Special Objects and 'MacGuffins' I hope it fit in.

-Because there isn't a chapter now where I don't reference some sort of music. I was thinking of an Eminem (yeah I know..) lyric at the end of 'Killer' where he's like "How do I even think of this ridiculous stuff?" I don't know where any idea in the chapter came from.

Dates: Portions were chopped and screwed all the way since first Ourosboros. thus dates all over the place. (A part maybe?) 9/5/22- 9/8, split parts 9/10, part (10/8) 10/21

Consider these the official work dates: 10/23/22, 10/26, 10/31, 11/1- 11/3, 11/4- 11/9, 11/15, 11/16- 11/20, 11/21