Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever (Redux)
Revelation (Chapter 23)
Disclaimer: Mario and co. belongs to Nintendo.
Author note: A return to antics in this tsunami of a chapter.
Content warning: No explicit scenes, but there are unfortunate implications here and there for the sake of the story, not for shock value or to be weird. (You just have to see what I mean).
A Fighter Fly escaped the open suitcase, all that was in it. The green dinosaur wished to the stars for a reset and he got it, already having a phone conversation with his ex-fiancé for closure. It was the only they'd held without at least one banality or extenuating comment. She'd tied a balloon to her problems and released the string, per her 'elegant' quote. (Of course she had to sneak one of those in.) Someone else near and dear could use that advice. Not that their home would ever be cavernous, there was still a problem, Yoshi's short tail managing to whack into everything during that respite stay. Ripping Poochy away from cartoons on the television piled under boxes caused an avalanche.
Mario shot up from the kitchen table, leaving behind the toaster he was repairing. "I thought I'd shoved those Nintendo console boxes in the closet." While assisting he discovered a music box he lost a year ago, dropping the dino all over again in his haste.
A lump on his nose, Yoshi rescued himself ultimately. A broken up statue in the pile stood out. "This is why that happens, Mario!" he leatured heatedly. A self deprecating smile almost crept on him, recalling the rafter in the eye parable. "Sorry.. What was that? Maybe we can replace it," he offered.
The downtrodden plumber let some of the blue parts spill from his arms in defeat. "Doubt that, Yosh. It's Bowser's brother."
After an enduring light speed journey though disorienting pewter colored space dust, it was only at the impenetrable gold gates where Millennium Star grumbled. The white fields of Eldstar's court were scorched, sporadically unveiling the bare sapphire platform, and the aqueduct of the perpetual motion machine was desertic. The ancient star's omniscience allowed him a window inside the tarnished temple:
Mamar and Kalmar chat on a rear balcony, empty pie pans stacked two and three high. Muskular was in his ground floor gym, a pan on a bench while he lifted a dumbbell. Misstar sat at a vanity, adjusting her sun colored silk ribbon, a partially consumed pie also reflecting along with her stunning self. Kevlar and Skolar, distanced by rows of shelves in the library, identically had their workspace soiled by crumbs. Eldstar was in the hall adjacent to his room, like he'd only made it that far before he had to stop and tap on his pager, the flakes on his mustache and a berry colored smudge on the side of his mouth revealing.
Millennium Star rattled the gate. "Absurd!"
"-Exactly!" From out of the fog emerged a miniature golden star. He bowed, explaining through his strained breaths. "The Mario Kart results soured my appetite so I passed when the Absurd Apple Pies were sent." Twink hovered again, his natural glow framing a face etched with agony. "It broke something in the Star Spirits. They've been dithering since. I saw the deliverer but-"
"Ho ho, splendid!"
"-Uh, I.. was actually told by the star kids I was fussing over a coincidence." Twink glanced off into the cosmos emptily. "We've scattered since."
Millennium Star took his pointed arm, raising him to his level. "Shame on those insolents. They will be forgotten in the annals of this journey unlike you. Steer me to the assailant!"
…
The cosmic clouds almost parted for the ancient star sweeping Rosalina's Comet Observatory until he found the idyllic zone abandoned. The console display was powered down, unlike the watchful goddess, and there was but one luma visible, waving him down.
"-Help!" A dark brown star begged, flat on the floor. "I tried to warn that star warrior against 'rolling up gangsta style' on Earth. He seized Rosalina as well, Milly. Knock some sense into him!"
Coming down, his eyebrows furrowed. "..What did you just call me?"
Polari peeled himself up. "-Excuse me, Millennium Star I'm so overwrought- Oh hurry please. I will become a launch star for you."
"Why thank you.." Millennium Star mumbled, watching Polari spin on the spot and transform into a black colored version of that distinctive form of star powered transportation. A sense tingled as he stopped outside it, examining and in fact about to decline, when a particlized tendril captured and dragged him in with crushing gravity. He grit his teeth, the outer ring spinning rapidly counterclockwise around him.
"That's what ya get for pokin 'round, Milly!" roared the launch star.
"I was always a curious bugger, Zachary A. Star!" Hitting that nerve, the adversary spewed him through the universe so quickly the fabrics of it warbled. Not concerning much to Millennium Star, the lord of two things, one of which the Dark Ztar was running out of.
If Mario got away with pretending small refreshes made something original, he could too. Without fortresses, bloodwood trees, banners, and other works cluttering 444 Dark Drive, fresh angles were unveiled on the swampy Badlands, the flat traditional Darklandian village, scaling modern Neo Bowser City, and distant rural volcano range. It could be more appreciated if they weren't drained from travel and stuck under leaking flimsy tents. Something had to be done, Bowser recognized, if he didn't want to lose the tiny bit of morale he'd scraped up, calling for a different type of wizardry. He was going to put on his best behavior and delegate. (Unlike those 'lazy' Mushroomites who got everything handed to them, grrr.)
"-Hello caller," the company picked up, "Did you hit the 1 or the 3?"
"...Hello? Yeah, this is Bowser!" he blew the speaker out, covering his mouth afterwards. "None."
"..So it defaults to three. Noted," It was gravelly Mushroom accented voice. " ….Thank you for calling 'Authentic Restorations and Replicas Inc.' This is Mr. X speaking and, unfortunately, how may I help you?"
Who asked for that sass? Bowser held his rebuttal. "I've returned to Dark Land and I would like to order a copy of my castle. Don't worry, I won't illegally rip off the REPLICA stickers."
"Your slaves can't build for you?"
Oh, he was trying it. "No, LOSER- Erm. My point is if I hired minions to do it, which means I pay extra by the way, it's just as much my goal to keep the few folks willing to support me from getting hypothermia!"
"..I'm sorry I wasn't keeping up. When did that change?"
"Like.. I dunno." Bowser checked around the alleyways of the camp, cupping over the speaker. "Years back. Yeah. Not too long after.. My marriage end. Is that even your business? What, need a background check? I have the money. You in or out?"
"Sure, sure. Send to here.."
While using a dry tree stump to write on, Bowser found it quaint that someone was that out of touch with the biggest menace in the Mushroom World. X really didn't get out. Shortly he had the checks filled, his large handwriting requiring multiple to hold the zeros. Runner minions came up, including a paragoomba in a pink officers cap. After having the check containing the important decimal point slapped in his face, he shook it off.
"This is Hippity Hop sir, 13th arial forces. I think Queen Wendy O. wanted me to escort her into the city."
-Bowser parted through the Koopa Troop until he brought his only daughter to the front by the shell. "You are grounded and you CANNOT go downtown with all the malls until that election tomorrow. I'm sick of this craziness. Know what? I don't want ANYONE by Hippityface going back right now.."
She held her arms out. "Daddy that's, like, extreme."
"Enough! Who volunteers to guard the path so nobody sneaks off?"
Like he'd proposed a raise, there were goombas, bob-ombs, shy guys, heck even Morton rallying until Ludwig tapped him, as he obviously has plans to disobey this order soon. A drone of unaffiliated airships filled the turbulent skies.
Four carried over the KT camp a huge structure, releasing the cables over the castle plot. Bowser and others unearthed from the tidal wave of mud, blindly crawling in the direction of impact. Only when Kammy bumped Kamek into the moat did it click for the less sophomoric. Compact, boxy, non self indulgent and with relatively low towers, it featured a parasitic fortress that was once Larry's, and a neon board screaming BOWSER that was in fashion during the Dinosaur Land takeover era.
Consequently the Koopa King dragged his feet across the drawbridge, the others overtaking him to disperse happily. After some used that BACK DOOR however, he recalled that this was Mario's favorite design in the day. He loved the numbered rooms and back door feature. Mario liked to finish quickly. -The levels!
"Settle down, your viciousness. You seem smitten. Should I call a medic?" A crone blocked his path.
A soot-covered magikoopa shoved her aside. "Lord Bowser would rather not when we already owe this." Kamek handed the flustered Koopa King the MKDCU bill.
"WHAT?"
"Daisy, I'm delighted you're delighted of the progress so far!."
"Loud? Whoops." Daisy squeezed her tight under the arched lattice entrance into the newly renovated garden. The blonde princess ignored how crumpled her fancier more exaggerated dress was getting. She also had ringlets in her hair, new opera gloves and pink shined heels. As long as Daisy didn't mess any of that up, she'd be able to shape herself back up for later.
Daisy scoped Joesph's maze, hands on hips. "Wow."
"There's a developers exit to skip-"
"Where's the fun in that? Come on." The tanned princess lead her, hand in hand, through the leafy zig zags, at one point asking the gardener couched at piranha flowers for a tip. Joe gave it, not realizing who that guest was with his princess. Peach flushed, distracted then from how she stepped out of her shoes repeatedly. She admired that super power of Daisy's, not related to her peak physical condition (mostly), nor that her presence attracted Flutters, made the buds on the potted plants open, the withered hedges green, or the parched ground flower. Rather, she could amble with messy shoulder length hair, an orange hoodie, blue track pants, and tennis shoes and be treated 'normally'. In Sarasaland Daisy was more low key if possible, indistinguishable from many under desert clothes and a keffiyeh.
Water spay released Peach from that tangent. They'd reached the clearing at the end, Daisy taking a dramatic roll out, going 'Ha!' in triumph.
She stood, sheepishly, reacting to whatever face Peach must have been making. "Loud?"
"No, no-" The blonde blinked and tried to fix whatever that was, easing her from the waterfall. (Couldn't get all unkempt could they?) "You aren't. This way dear.."
A mid spring setting, close to the river bank, two metal chairs and a table with refreshments awaited. The steward made her entrance like lighting, like literally stepping out of the smoke from the bolt, sliding the chairs out and setting the table expertly in five seconds, with tea in cups. It was perfect until the auburn haired princess leaned way back in the 19th century bedizened chair like it was some ratty old recliner, her long bronze legs stretching beyond where Peach's were. She didn't say anything during that quick glance and back to Toadette, so the toad girl wouldn't either, persisting with the 'script'.
She pulled out a violin and a bow, screeching one note before Peach stopped her. "Wrong mood we're going for, dear. It's a tea party with Daisy, not.." She whispered, "When Mario and I would do this!"
Toadette nervously lowered the vintage instrument. "Princess, your CD with the ambient bird sounds is misplaced."
"I know where to find another!" A gigantic three-headed monster sprung out of the joining lake.
While the blonde princess hid behind a paper fan, Daisy shielded the sun, eager to see the kaiju sweep around Toad Town with his bat wings, cries of confusion or terror resonating out there. "That's wicked!"
Toadette stared off dreamily. "Blue has really glowed up. Maybe it is his confidence, the fire breath, the size 500 shoe…Enjoy the tea!" She inched away, wanting to pursue something before some of the staff secretly made an excursion, and was replaced with a taller heavyset purple toad.
Les placed a bushy freshly plucked muncher plant between them in a glass, cramping up the table. Joseph swung in and swapped it for docile fire and ice flowers. An orange toad brought a tray of sprinkled cupcakes over before they recovered from that. Peach hummed patiently through Timothy's chatting away. It was improper to discipline openly! He left them only one, as by the time he left they empty those tiny ceramic cups and they didn't touch it yet still, because Thomas arrived with this cd over his finger. The arcadian Darklandian's expression said it all he he stood next to the table. He had the soundtrack, but not the player.
"It's alright, dear. We tried!" Peach flushed completely, giggling. It was fortunate Toadworth couldn't witness this travesty of a tea party..
"Girl," Daisy patted those poofy sleeves. "You okay?"
The blonde princess sipped her empty cup by mistake. "O-oh course!"
Daisy sat straight ,the chair falling level, scraping on wet tile. "Peach, you know darn well this wasn't your normal parties. What did you want to talk about?"
She pretended the waterfall, the one that had been there since she was born, was exceptionally interesting right then, appropriating reservedness. "My father will have some very valid matters to question me on today. I can't keep peace. I keep needing assistance. I'm not engaged yet! It makes the way I took over haunt me again, because after all that, I'm still failing in a way."
Daisy's hands materialized over her thin wrists as she wavered. "Straight up. Was sending him out of town the right choice?"
She gathered the courage to face her. "Yes."
"Then let's switch this scenery up."
The strict classes Peach grew up with were vanquished, toads, koopas, other 'friendly' and 'enemy' species alike bustling around Toad Town before it became unbearable out. They bypassed her coliseum where the Mushroom Flu issue was handled, gracefully she recognized, only mildly congested on the outskirts. Cured ones trickled out the imposing structure without disdain for her, rather admiration if she was spotted. Junior Troopa, cosplaying as a Southern like usual, waved before going back to rope a doping someone trying to leave early.
Peach found herself basking in the sights, smells sensations of typical life, no agents of her father ruining it with tanks. They bought a snow bunny along the way, caught the last fifteen minutes of 'BUZZY: The Movie' at the one coin theater, and their lives were then endangered! Okay that was dramatic. A truck almost splashed them along the way. It didn't, but it almost! No one hurled their body in the way to block it, no one became hysterical over her wellbeing afterwards, nothing, they continued on like normal people aside from Daisy giggling at how pale that harrowing moment made Peach.
Stars in heaven..Peach longed to scrapbook every bit, rounding Starman lane to join Royal Raceway again. As unprincess like the outing was, she was invigorated. Peach reevaluated her dismissal of impetuousness while they took a break at the lake below was glassy without a giant in it, and the racing track behind them empty, the advert lined box stands unoccupied.
"You've done more than any Toadstool ever, girl. You gotta kingdom people fight to protect, dedicate their life to, and feel safe and comfortable. The King had better be proud!"
Peach tore her gaze from the cheep cheeps, forgetting that it was supposed to be educational. Daisy was leaning against the barrer, hoodie now tied around her waist. It revealed a sleeveless shirt with a band graphic.
"Yes. He should."
Daisy handed her something to wipe her tears of joy. After accepting, she recognized it was a sweatband.
"It's clean! See, stick to your guns then." Releasing her, Daisy plopped down on the sideline, her back to the concrete barrier. "Sometimes the nuclear option's what it takes."
Peach joined her, their sides just touching. The perfect dress condition flashes in her mind and out as quickly. She had others.
"Back home," Daisy continued. "I excavated bout fifty plots, including my own backyard to get rid of these evil artifacts."
Peach jolted, squeezing the tan princess's freckled forearm inadvertently.
"Huh?"
"N-nothing. H-here thank you!" She awkwardly returned the sweat band.
"Oh, no prob. So that was my Ted Talk."
"What?"
"Yeah, nothin.." Daisy stared intensely, leaning in. "Peach, I dunno if it's your perfect race track backdrop, the waters reflectin' or the darker colors of your dress, but your eyes are SO effin blue right now, more than the beautiful Great Sea that surrounds my kingdom."
Blonde princess blushed. A lot. "We should trek indoors before the heat drives us giddy" she sputtered, climbing up.
Daisy rose, a little disappointed. "Not stopping those racers. Just sayin'."
A silver Aston Mushroom drift around the curve leading to the starting line, breaking aggressively in front of them. The window lowered. "Princess! Yoohoo! Could I ask a few things?"
Kylie Koopa, famed reporter, jumped out. The way her pen hovered over the notepad made Peach's stomach twirl- or in a bad way now rather. Her first instinct was to skip out of there until a poke in her back made her leap forward almost into her.
"You got this!" Daisy winked, moving off to blend in with some road workers in the background.
Kylie fired questions, basic ones the princess always got post rescue. The only new detail was that 'toad destroyer' Boo was arrested. Lo and behold, her friend called it. Nothing to be afraid of. Kylie finished jotting and, like something pinged her, glanced over her shell and back.
"One sec." Kylie hopped in, started that kart and made a U-turn so that the passenger side was stationed at Peach.
She gasped as it rolled down and a toad she had a long history with flashed a white smile.
"I'm a quarter mile from your castle, so this is permissible right? Got one question.."
Peach struggled to not eyeroll. He was banned from her home, not specifically from herself. The green toad had crinkles and since last seeing him, but with that strong deep voice for a toad and decent male fashion sense, it was undeniably Mitch Toad. "You may proceed."
Kylie leaned into view for some tomfoolery. "I might be recording this too. Just for backup."
"Stuff it.." Mitch shoved her face out of the way. "A suitor, the richest guy in town is interested in ya, and he's the one that rebuilt your castle!"
"Interview over-"
Mitch flipped his notebook like some luxurious game show prize, pink official parchment with a perfect forgery of 'THE KING'. "-And he's right here! I control everything, babe." With a loud crack, the raised dash panel section of her raceway crumbled, terrifying nearby workers. "Now eyes back to me. As king I'd show the cretins round here what fair society looks like, unlike-" He covered his mouth scandalously. "The contents of that parcel you're hiding.. I've already predicted every move of yours. Give it up. Marry me."
"-You got some nerve talking smack to her." Daisy popped up, snatching the toad by the necktie.
Then a door was kicked shut by the irate pink shelled koopa storming out. "Not about to help Mitch gather a harem and we ain't sharing that scoop on Nass T. being in a penitentiary either!"
"Whatever," he snorted to her. "You don't know 'Peachy' as much as ya think, Daisy. How's she gonna explain who rebuilt the caste? Why she's wearing blue colored contacts? Why she won't be engaged when she's embellished to her dad she was?"
Daisy stepped back from the sports car, unreadably. "No lies told, dawg!" She draw closer to her. "She's… with me." Slapping Peach's behind with apparently an authentic enough reaction in return, applause and whistling erupted out of nowhere.
Color draining, Peach whipped left and right. Pianta, monty, and toads in hardhats lined the sides, Kylie, not quite out of ear range spinning on her heels. She jot something down and passed it to one of them.
…
A taped recipe slid from under Chancellor Samuel Toadsworth's red door, bunching against Toadette's shoe. He'd scrutinized it at least she hoped, he tried to destroy it decades ago after all, because as dutiful as she was, smothering himself in that room was derisive at his point. Before she went ham, she saw words on the other side, his written reply. That wasn't the etiquette for.. She'd reluctantly accept that for now, running late. She dart downstairs, beyond Mr. Zeror digging in a supply closet, and took some keys off a hook. She got to drive a car unattended, brightening her mood considerably. See, flooding the Birthday Kart like a klutz sent it to a shop, and in an ironic way now, what was one of Peach's newest assets pre-castle destruction now fit in better with the surviving relics sealed in the basement. She rolled it out into the driveway-
"Toadette!" The frenzied princess clung to the side of the kart, scaring the daylights out of her. "We must stop the presses, the message boards, and the gossip of the Toad Town public transportation. -Or," Peach beamed, like she had the most brilliant idea then. "I need an invention that reverses time!"
Daisy rested her foot on the bumper, less traumatized but breathing as heavily from the mad dash. "Maybe I can work on that last one. I see the sun screen, the sunglasses. Head'n down South?"
Toadette nodded, dumbstruck.
"Good. Btw Peachy and I are engaged until then."
"It ain't working out," Roy wagged fingers in the face of the Koopa Troop general gazing endlessly into the overcast. "Face it, Luddy. She's just not dat into yer meetings."
A thorough sweep of the graveyard of upturned and non airworthy airships behind Bowser's New Castle did not unveil Wendy or Larry, mirroring the previous meeting. "Fine," Ludwig grunted, settling on what crowd he did have, a dozen assorted baddies, not counting siblings.
All attention on him, woozy with a thick scarf he'd never be caught in normally hiding 'influenza' sores, in reality a unsubstantiated side effect from the Gravitational Pull, he shattered on the spot, his knees buckling.
"-IT'S NOT FINE!"
A rainbow haired koopaling detached from the others who had never seen that part of their commander before, followed by a taller one with a green half shave.
"After we acquire the Special Object, how can we keep it safe? I cannot believe I am doubting myself," he wept onto Lemmy as he patted his shell comfortingly. Iggy's arms were out stretched and he totally didn't go for him. He knew Lemmy was the Bishōnen between them, but what the heck..
"We're this close despite all that, though! Now we can ALL fight the dark star! We don't even care that we can die!... Welp, I coulda..reworded that..." Lemmy watched Davey the whomp, Claude the albatoss, Annabell the pom pom, and other minions whose names only he knew scurry.
After a grateful nod of acknowledgement to his 'trusted adjutant', oh and that other one, Ludwig obtained his equilibrium. "You are correct. I should appreciate what I have." He squinted at the bony beetle doubling back.
"Sup," Leo greeted. "My cousin just texted me that Miss Wendy uh.. Left Bowser's New Castle on an errand, clack clack."
"But it is integral that we monitor her!" Ludwig demanded. "The Jewel of the Stars, WW63 relic is somewhere in Mayor Koton's office. 'Parallelogon' belongs outside her clutches."
"Ooh! I can track her with my 'Way Awesome Intelligent Futuristic Utility'!" Iggy Delta bounced around, waving for attention. "Lemmy, would you like for me to show you my super cool abilities?"
"I'd like it but.." Lemmy struggled for a second, uncharacteristically.
"He'll wuss out anyway! Bawk bawk bawk!" Roy sneered, acting it out a little too much. Ludwig began to detect he was actually apprehensive.
"Knock it off! I'm Super Mercenary Iggy Delta now, cybernetically enhanced koopaling soon to get at least a two season anime and a finale episode! Or a manga volume, I'd take that too if any publishers are listening-"
"I must vouch for Iggster." Morton was given a bizarre once over from Roy but he continued, from the safety of standing behind Ludwig. "My bookclub is raving about his tech services saying he did not budge, capitulate, or back down when they wanted a discount."
Junior paused his playing with a toy train. "Can I get an opinion?"
"Nope," they unanimously answered..
Ludwig rubbed his chin. He observed how Neo Bowser City had a bright halo, befitting of how it was his salvation. The end of this was nigh assuming Toadsworth, kingdoms away pulled his weight. The next page for him? Likely sending postcards to his friends- no scratch that, his family only from the Overthere.
"You shall go Ignatius," he decided, just in time for the dinner call. Roy made a dangerous 'I see you' gesture to Morton, Junior was still ignored and Iggy was the last remaining outdoors, despondently soaking in the rain…
The roof folded under the weight of their hostages and dumped them in the middle row, The Captain amused while Banktoad also in the front sunk out of view. "How wonderful for you sartorially immaculate gentlemen to drop in!"
The blue geeky toad secured a sleeve of the stylish plumber. "Did you know the average toad has 2.5 times the strength of a human?-"
Luigi swung his leg up and kicked Hint Toad across that cheeky face. "No average human here, bucko."
The unconscious spectacled adventurer slumped into the lap of Mailtoad. He jut his arms up in surrender, as Toad already had a blade to his neck.
"Stop this thing, or paperboy gets it!"
Captain tapped the wheel, thinking it over with no urgency, oblivious to Mailtoad pleading for his life and Banktoad nudging him.
"Here! Take this in exchange!"
Luigi clumsily caught the Vrlrdyi Scope Banktoad tossed backward.
"William!" The Captain pinched his nephew's ear and they fought in the front row like animals, the serving, tilting vehicle jumbling Toad and Luigi around without seatbelts.
Like a lit bob-omb went off, "I HATE YOU STANLEY YOU STUPID BISH! STOP THE CAR! LIFE IS HELL BECAUSE OF YOU! "
Captain Toad mashed the brakes before they careened into the ocean. Luigi and Toad smacked against the back of their seat and bounced off, dazed. "William, watch your language," he hissed, quivering. "I regret ever approaching you while you were down and- Did you do that?" He pointed ahead.
Bank settled back into his seat, jittering as well. "Yeah, I-I made a bridge for us with t-the device."
His palms slid onto his thigh. "You've just made me the happiest toad!"
"Thank you. I'm sorry."
"Me too." He stomped the accelerator a fraction of a second before the hostages regained their bearings. The steepness and speed going up that newly formed ramp flung them into the wagon's rear cabin, colliding with glass bottles with a tremendous clang as the sirens and lights caught up.
"Pull over!" buzzed from the patrol car.
The Captain adjusted a mirror. "Who knew pigs could fly?"
From the hovering space cruiser unleashed super scope blasts, ripping through, turning the kart in swiss cheese. A door latch was blown off, ejecting everything and everyone in the trunk. The plumber, toad, and bottles slammed the solid ground of the connected island.
The next thing Luigi remembered was being numb all over, spitting up grit while on his knees and elbows. Toad, disguised as a lump of mud to his side, or the other way around, gave a sign he was a-okay, rewarded for lying obviously when a blur buried him deeper in sand as it came across. The airtight hatch clicked, released steam, and lifted upwards.
"Give it your all, rookie," Snift Patrol cryptically spoke into his radio.
Luigi's head stopped spinning from whatever that was. "Officer- we..Who..?"
"Have no fear Mr. Luigi, I will arrest the scum of the Earth who inverted all of your pockets-" (Stunned, the men then noticed their coats and pants like that) "Crossed seven kingdoms illegally, and kidnapped you from your date! Now let's kick it." He plucked the toad right up, like the vegetables in Subcon.
"Thanks, Sumeet.." Toad's expression remained brittle though the invite inside the cruiser, thrown off by how casually the officer accepted him.
Snifit Patrol bopped a button, slinging them off, light streaking in the windshield. His passengers stopped clinging tightly once the officer's hearty laugh broke them out of it, not even directed towards them, rather the view behind. A vibrant rainbow bridged their island to the previous, red and green cheep cheeps and dolphins leaping out of the water underneath in choreographed formations. That prompted the green plumber to examine the Vrlrdyi Scope like it was a nugget of gold. Eighteen inches by estimate, very light, non telescoping, and inscribed around the barrel in a spidery language.
"A metaphysical projecting device. How does it detect what to materialize? From touch, nerve endings in the digits? How long does it last?" he geeked out.
Toad laughed weakly, relieved that the plumber partially in his lap, found fun in this somehow. "Let's find out. Take a glimpse through."
He did, aimed at the light array.
"I meant at me."
Farther from the coast than even the goonies roamed was a lonely drifting boat.
~Wendy O.'s Smashing…Live!Journal Entry #1.
To preface, I know nobody uses this platform anymore except MayMay. (Raven or Jim, if you DO dig this up, she's the Bonneter in social studies, still thinking she's hilarious bc she can haz cheeseburger..) Since it's not bogged down with JavaScript my phone can't handle it'll hafta do. This is too embarrassing to hold in.
I had a heckin good plan for my campaign. I studied, I knew what to avoid, until the Pillar of Understanding. It took over and totes tried to upstage daddy. That's so not me. My agency, gone with all these battering voices all the time-"
She then heard it diegetically.
"No more diabolical plans!" Her cyborg big brother brought the boat to an abrupt stop with his tractor beam. "It's not kawaii Wendy-chan, and it made everybody leave our PS4 Princess Parlor discord."
She crossed one leg over the other. "I'm not! I'm vibing in my salt water element. Rumors of me attacking Toad was a tarp. I'd rather talk to him."
The canoe rocked when he skeptically sat on the other end. "You got some explaining to do sis. I sorta hyped up that I'd have an epic battle with you. Besides I thought you were like King Dad. You don't like toads and hate twilight?"
"Yes. That franchise deserves to be flamed!"
"And you think MayMay is stuck in 2008.."
His chiseled scaled undershell made her fist rebound. A tear about to stream, she was proud he'd toughened up, hiding the pain in her knuckles by dipping it into the cold water. "Listen, I'm like shook, Iggy. I've already triple crossed the line, but I gotta keep going. Not to let a male figure invade my journey, but I want to contrast Luddy. I'm not misanthropic like him, I do love people, if they listen to me at least.. I wanted to take the KT and focus on 'us', our wellbeing, because that's gone by the wayside and we all know it."
He twiddled his thumbs. "Entirely so, Wendy-chan. The more of the outside world I analyze with my sensors, the less I can ignore that my talents are kinda underutilized here. Plus I think Lemmy dumped me as his BFF. I've teleported five hundred times now and no amount of coding or doing tech support calls fills the void. We have a predicament don't we?"
"Gosh, somebody gets it." She wrinkled her nose as this huge ocean liner came up, a senior oriented one with no amusement to be found, with the audacity to honk like they were in the way. She flung a ring at it, stuck the hull and it didn't even sink like what the movie 'Toadtanic' taught her. "Brought headphones to drown that drap thing out?"
Iggy rotated the small plastic square case in his paw, reminded of who it came from.. If these dark stars entities could use up someone in a day or two, he had to sever their hold on sister. "Right here sis. It's playing.. 'I need 'A Doctor Mario'. Yikes, Dr. Greg got hit by a missile yesterday. Larry doesn't like to talk about it."
Put off, Wendy was about to sack that music listening ideal-
"PARTAKE. I YOUR NEW HELPER WILL MAKE YOU PROSPEROUS MY QUEEN. WE HAVE MUCH IN COMMON. WE ARE SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS. ONE IN HIS EAR CANAL AND ONE IN YOURS AS A BONDING SESSION BETWEEN SIBLINGS. IT WOULD BE ACCEPTABLE. AND TUBULAR!"
Her appendages roved on their own, taking the left piece. There was a jounce in the ocean princess as, eyes widened, she swiftly snatched the right earphone and inserted his. They partied and jammed from the harmony, all previous concerns abolished, even as the boat tipped on them.
From the vile and corrosive circumfluous byproduct of the wretched washed up a purple star. Millennium Star strenuously crawled to higher parts of the meteor rock where the dark matter pools could not reach, over scattered fresh bones, around larger drier ones embedded in the ground, and dodging blackening debris piles, mostly a conglomerate of 'borrowed' Earth soil, but with the pungent odor of death and the source of the trails of some festering liquid. Had his friends plunged as well? Pinned under the weight of those worries, he fell flat, his glow revealing every sordid detail of the crumbling graveyard he'd encroached. Right in his vantage point was a message chiseled in the rock-
Month: (XX) Date (Circle Square) Time: 112:455
..Shuffled off mortal coil, I am the rhabdomancer with imperturbability. All is floccinaucinihilipilification as.."
He abruptly stood. What did that mean?
"-Don't read my diary bro!" A dark boo dove down before the ancient star, tossing dirt over the paragraphs.
"Sue Jr?"
"It's Zoo, now get out like Rosalina and (Heart)(Music note)!?, however you say it.." The dark boo sat against a tomb, brows creasing. "It's a launch star or something on the other side of that morgue? A real one."
"Join me!"
"Yeah no...You know they said 'Zoo, you made a good call not coming back, 'cause you're stone cold crazy.' Best compliment I've ever heard," he laughed dryly.
Millennium Star shifted closer, concerned. "Don't you miss your family?"
The dark boo's jaw tightened, forgetting he was already backed up against an object. "No!"
"What are you holding then?"
Zoo clutched the photo under his hand in panic. No other telepath had scared him like this since that green capped journalist toad.
"Feast your eyes on this."
"I..don't have my glasses old man.."
"You will not need them." Millennium Star projected his Book of Casualty, a window into the past. The open middle page showed Dr. Toad swamped with study notes, wearing those sweaters, long sleeves, and khaki pants he frequented to hide his 'tribal' marks from hybrid boo lineage and blend in with red toads at Mushroom College.
His brother discovered Zoo's 'Death Ray' made breaks in DNA cells in scientific terms, akin to radiation, and with that understanding he sought to repurpose it benevolently, or perhaps defensively. Anything but what it was then with his dark boo brother maiming or killing people randomly. Zoo felt a stab in his chest recalling his reaction to that discussion later, how on reflex, like scratching an itch, he ventured into his head. He didn't want to be dissected like some experiment. Fleeing to their parents was no better. Lou deteriorated back home, forgetting names of his children, who was older or younger, etc, and Sue Sr., the toad parent was consumed with caregiving. Afraid of abandonment, Zoo took the first steps and high tailed on his own-
"Freakin cut it out!" He begged, resting on the tear soaked ashes underneath him. "Like, whatever anyway. Airship's sailed."
Millennium Star dissipated the illusions. "Your brother risked the empire he built to respond to your letter. Your old commander has acquitted you of the Special Object ordeal. Tanner is reminiscing about you perpetually and, despite his efforts to honor your wish, I will 'cheat' and foresee that.. Ah yes. Your vote for-" A smile overtook him. "Ho ho, you improved your literacy for him. How.. sweet. Well, the only hole you cannot dig out of is the grave."
Making a face, "Bro, we're in one!"
"-And that is why I am not one of those auspicious heroes with axioms of good will prevail blah blah. I will be truthful." He thumped the ground hard, shaking the planetoid and the abominable mounds, flipping the tombs. "I am a god of chaos, as are you with your mind, fascinating as a broken clock once said. (I'd know. I am one!) Your resurgence would be nothing short of fun. Disregard what the others implied, you will not regret this." There was a mutual glimmer of mischief between them following that.
Tensed shoulders dropping, "I'll come home, I mean I guess-"
"Splendid!" Millennium Star attached to the dark boo and skipped the launch star, rocketing them though the galaxy on his own, exponentially growing power.
In Bowser's New Castle, the buzzing neon sign and squeaks of minion shoes as they settled down was the only sound outside of distant thunder claps.
" Forgot your little 'mission' didn't' ya? When in Rome.."
"Perhaps," he groaned. "As the stars might not align our paths again, I must confess I was wrong to dismiss your career here. It is not some 'phase' and you are respected and- g-g-g-" he struggled.
"Uh huh?"
"MorethanadequateatyourjobJ.D!"
"Ha! What made it click in that hard head, Stone?"
"Your willingness to work with Larry. Why don't we move aside for him?"
Spotted all along, the supernaturally bleached white haired koopaling stepped from behind the corner, pissed. At least they weren't snitches. He tapped on the ceiling high red door with the knocker.
"YEAH?"
Larry gulped. "Dad, it's me."
"COME IN. AND QUIETLY."
"Eek!" The fifteen year old crept through. Bowser's throne, actually an office chair, was against the back wall, stacks of chests to the right, a poster of Mario doing a V sign on the left, and then an actual desk before him with a laptop. Plans and blueprints were stacked, verging on messily, but decent by his standards. Bowser lifted from his latest plan, chair compressing from his weight shift. "K?"
Larry approached the desk, staring at his toes. "Umm.. So Luddy was obsessed with those Council of Conscientious Villainy hipsters and in, umm, in their archives the motto 'Take a slice of their pie' came from, they claim I mean…your brother." He dared to look at his father head on. Bowser was picture still. "Sounds like tycoon ish. So why do you think a guy like that woulda been better leadin us?"
The king sighed and laughed simultaneously, relaxing. "Growing up, Clarentine was always running off while I was homebodied. Yeah, you'd never guess. Then the war started and never.. Stopped in a way." He coughed the raggedness out of his voice, tossing the silver pen into the #1 villain coffee mug. "-Er, in retrospect, King Morton saw the writing on the wall and one of us two had to keep this thang going.." He typed clunkily for a sec, then swiveled the laptop around.
That artistic reproduction might have been discussed in a freshman class of Larry's. He'd know for sure if he wasn't skipping so much.
"In Kingly Law mythology, three cosmic koopas 'G', 'O' and 'D' held this planet up by never moving or listening to anyone telling them to. That's why it's so hard for us Darklandians to be flexible at times, even when what we're doing over and over ain't working." Unlocking a memory, Bowser rolled the chair, facing a window battered heavily by rain. Lighting flashed miles off, volcanos revealed in silhouette. "Erm, so it was time for dad to judge. Couldn't be in person. He was already hafin ta run. I copied dad in my half of the territory, and Clarentine, oh boy.. He had traders comin in and out, fixed the ph balance to farm and set up a monopoly thing, the goal to literally buy our enemies out. Was never going to work, not cause we were too stupid even though we probably were, but he just wasn't ready himself to do things different. Clarentine wept and scrammed. I won by default." Bowser decided that he should tug that lever to raise the chair, so he wasn't sunk to the floor. "Whenever I'd fail I'd fall back in time. Wonder if he was right.. So Lawrence."
"Yeah?"
Bowser signed a document, his hunched posture obscuring the glistening in his eyes. "Whether you stick with the Troop, or go off and play music, I'm fine with either at this point, don't leave question marks in your life."
"Where will you go?"
"You will find out later!"
"Why do I have a hunch already?"
"Because we've been acquainted for- hmm?..."
"I get it, Yosh, haha." The red plumber locked up the screen door under the hot sun. What good it did when his home had been busted into twice in one weekend, he was uncertain. It was a habit is all he supposed, like it was for his long time dinosaur friend to leash his dog outside when he knew such measures were a suggestion at best. Mario had a heavy duty garbage bag over his shoulders, the bust pieces inside going to Russ T. (Yoshi's suggestion, very proudly) for consultation. "Happy house hunting!"
Wherever Yoshi was looking, Mario suspected it wouldn't be far.
Yoshi went tch. He could not predict him! It was only a coincidence Pleasant Path was scenic, the sidewalks so smooth, the planters brimming with flowering plants delectable to his large nose. The blue mushroom home with the lights off was Gill T's abode, who thought he was neighborhood watch. The Kuribo shoe styled one belonged to Dr. Fungenstein, a frizzy haired retired researcher who cackled into stormy nights and badmouthed his brother from Rogueport. Others were red toads mostly and they were unique certainly, Yoshi just had other priorities...
"Oof!"
"Excuse me buddy!"
Dragging himself up, Yoshi recognized the teal shell and called him back.
"Apologizes, Mr. Munchakoopas. Catch!"
The dino caught the lightweight box. "Thank-" He read the label, mouth hanging. "-You?"
"It's to Peach castle-" The mailman tapped rapidly into a scanner. "I wasn't being followed to had trouble visiting there or anything. I'm only five-hundred letters late on this scorcher of a day." He saluted nervously. "Thank you for using Toad Town Postl!"
~'The Fabulous Birdo', a heart drawn around the inscription, sending gifts to 'Mr. Toad'.
At the other end of the avenue, Mario sat on a toad proportioned wooden stool, listening to the local personality who was once popular, now out of the spotlight since his shtick was rendered neolithic by online message board. No less spirited, however. Russ T. kept his space dignified and shelves of books tidy despite signs of heavy use. That the Darklandian custom was to create statues only after the death of the monarch was the most interesting thing Mario learned, as that meant Bowser was indeed the 'rule breaker' he knew he was with his present day motif of duplicating his own frightening self. Ultimately Russ suggested discourse with one more expert which might take a few hours at the least. All was well until he mentioned those attacks on toads yesterday.
…Mario ran up to the dinosaur on his porch. "Did Luigi mention when he'd return? It's about Boo."
"No he didn't Mario, and umm." Yoshi watched Mario check that package out. He should have hid it, because with a steamy breath, Mario's grip crushed a corner of it. "Right! Riiiight, scandalous, isn't it?.."
"Toad swooping in on your old girl like that is low, don't cha think?"
If it wasn't platonic, Yoshi screamed inside!
Years ago after he splurged on a Parade Cart, Birdo and he were frivolously taking off anywhere around the kingdom (also the reason that didn't last). Visiting some club, 'Chimera', they stumbled upon Toad in the back. He was horrified at the sight of them, to the point of gagging. Judging by the speed dating cards he dropped on the way out, he had a specific type and it wasn't pink dinosaurs.
-So, great. It might be safer to let Mario believe after all. Adopting indignation suddenly, he punted the box away, a touch too hard. It hurled across the street, deflected off a metal mail receptacle, bumped off a passing kart, and crashed into somebody's window.
"…Now you have an excuse to meet a semi-new neighbor!"
Yoshi would have called that sequence random if getting punished by good deeds wasn't his brand now. He trudged to their doorstep and knocking, noticed a mangled fingerprint keypad attached to a jiggling handle.
"Sir or ma'am, I must apologize for-"
It swung open less than an inch, the interior dark, unleashing the rasp of a toad, "Relax. I have insurance… … …! -"
A strollin stu revved up an ear splittingly loud weed whacker next door.
"What does that groundskeeper look like?" the homeowner repeated, undecipherable to Yoshi. At the same time, a magnificent glider swept across the sky, the pilot blending into the black triangle above. The tail flowing behind it spelled 'G-O-A-W-A-Y!'
Yoshi fell into their home, flopping back onto the hardwood. There were scraping sounds and the natural light was blocked. Was he just abducted, and by- He gasped leaning up, spots in his vision from the change in lighting. The room was chock full of spy equipment, racks of weapons, radars, and monitors, the only thing that should belong the couch in front of a NES Classic equipped TV. SMB3 was paused in world 3.
"Sonny.." Yoshi caught his breath. "Ugh. Not how I thought we'd rendezvous."
"Me neither, Mr. Munchakoopas. I've been here for eight months and we'd met before the coast guard thing. I didn't expect you to pick up on it because I was an unremarkable red toad on purpose." The nineteen year old secured bolt locks from the top to the bottom, ammo steadily spilling from his tactile vest with every movement. His left foot was in a homemade cast and an ugly deep scar split across what once movie star perfect visage. "Think this'll hold?"
"Ah, well, Mario is less than fifty feet away." Yoshi got a better look around. Pinup posters of koopa 'thots' were plastered behind the work stuff, some risque, and bookshelf current blocked the window he'd damaged. (Said books E-rated, Phew) "We should call him."
"We really shouldn't. I got it. I so have this under control. Ha ha ha!"
Yoshi swept him away by that too big vest. "This is serious Emerson! There are no old bold pilots, or coast guards, or spies, whatever you are!"
"I know!" He limped around his room, clutching at both sides of his red capped head. "That might of been a manic episode. Sorry. My HQ is in shambles and what's left of it's trying to kill me over a boatload of coincidences, misunderstandings, and our Spy Captain having an unscheduled lobotomy this morning."
Yoshi saw another version of himself, softening. "Okay, wait. I'm involved now anyway, so from the top." He retrieved the package from the shards. "Was this the impetus of the hit on you?"
"Correct Anti-Guy wants that. He and Charles probably intercepted the mail services and tracked the package into town. I'm not sure how you got it, the mail guy sounds lenient, but yeah. Therein lies the problem with the telephone game and a chain of spies."
He ripped the package open in front of him. A golden Phantoe Mask fell to the floor with the scrap.
"A prop of Birdo's" he breathed.
"Oh really? Cool. But it's not the Bronze Egg they were assuming it was."
There was a huge bang, loud as an explosion at the entrance and with the force of such, knocking them off their feet, followed by more. Objects were shook off the walls and sheetrock cracked.
Sonny crawled backwards until the joining room. "I thought Mario out there would keep them off!"
A scream threatened to rise from Yoshi's throat, sliding that bookcase over a tad. His plumber friend hadn't left the scene. He was in his lawn, just sprawled out on his back, limp with a red dart in his neck.
This might incite mockery, so be it. He respected and had always wanted to allocate space for vigilantes like the Snifit Patrol to serve their citizens. It wasn't shirking responsibility, not if he and his brother did enough work for the entire US army in the real world. Soft bed. Now.
A patio sliding door shut. "Mhm. I'd offer some adventure conclusion congratulatory champagne, but they keep growing vines, when I pop open the-"
"Yeah, don't." Luigi permitted himself to smile five layers of under. The muted roar of the running water and comforting smells of some baked good were sufficiently lulling without alcohol. There came the patter of feet, the sudden absence of it.. He braced instinctively as someone thunk next to him… Eh not that bad of a bounce, not with the snuggling that ensued afterwards.
"Toad."
"What?"
Luigi glanced up at the ceiling made of bamboo rods. A redesign?... "Closer," he whispered, peering into rich dark brown eyes, gleaming with energy. The short muscular arms of the toad pulled him in by the waist with one arm, behind his back with the other into tight, longing cuddles. Welling with serenity, warmth spread throughout the human despite their 'unsexy' thick woolen and long pajamas. Nothing explosive, he was pleased the same with their intimacy.
"Room service!" chimed from out of the room.
"-Since when do you have room service in the castle?"
"..I was about to ask that," Toad lifted from straddling him and they stared.
"This isn't your bed," they droned in unison.
They flipped off of each other, bashfully scanning the themed suite. Tiki lights were on each side of the king bed, electric flames lighting the tatami floor, the bamboo furniture, and glass wall leading out to a patio. A telescope was propped near it, aimed at a chillingly blue moon. The ocean tide low, Sidesteppers zigzagged around innumerable objects, unplucked treasures scintillating on the beach, which also held, a netted tennis court, a golf course further back, and a water park farther, closed for the night. Back indoors, tight bleed from under the door out, objects or people blocking it occasionally. They knew they were in a full on resort.
"I'll return then," the servant informed.
"Tada!" Toad laughed as he slid off. "This is how the scope works."
Luigi swung his legs over the edge. And… Not what he expected.
"Y-you could have warned it's this immersive!"
That wasn't a good sprint to the patio glass either. Luigi pressed against it, apparently forgetting it had a latch. "Is there an exit? What's the parameter? Are we on a physical plane?" He reached for the fringes of Toad's half buttoned shirt, then beyond that, feeling around his hairless chest so academically it didn't register what he was doing. "Okay so far this checks out."
"That other stuff checked out too, heh heh."
His arms returned to his sides, flushed. "T-toad!"
"If this was overstepping I'm sorry! I wanted to do something wild with you because, I know this is early but, I love you. I don't expect to hear it back, just saying." He forced some liveliness again. "But yeah I think we're the only people that aren't Skylandian that know about this."
Luigi spun him his way by both shoulders. "-Why, is there a catch? Do you never wake up sometimes?"
Toad leaned into his ear, or as close as he could. "It's..simpler. They were up in, you know, the clouds and pretty introverted folks. I think you can sympathize with that."
He rolled his eyes. "Toad, I love you," slipped out, quite easily actually. "Is it also as simple as checking out? We didn't waste any dream dollars on this room did we?"
"-Of course not!" In came the butler from before with a tray. Toad and Luigi held where they were tentatively while the cover lifted from the delicious Couples Cake. "I hoped we would share this someday." The scowling bowtie wearing boo diddly letting the dessert splat on the floor, whipping out a racket, glinting in the moonlight.
Two objects clashed with a sonic clap! Luigi peeked over his shielding elbow where a blue mushroom emblem racket was holding it off.
"Where'd that come from?" Booigi growled.
"Shoulda read the pamphlet, kid," Toad quipped.
Boo socked him in the stomach. Toad folded over, then pulled them down with him, releasing a carton of golf balls to trip Boo up. He stuffed a flotation tire from over their head, to blind them and another whack sent the boo over the bed. Luigi reached until he found the Bowser racket while the boo rebound all over the room, destroying everything. He made his shot with the fury of the game he never got to play in, slicing them into orbit- or through the glass, spilling onto the patio. The human and toad scrambled out, bare feet even, to catch up to the jealous ex embedded in the sand. If Saul T. was the Genesis of Booigi's rampage this was the Revelation.
"Boo, you can't be this way. We weren't gonna work. You're too young and Toads aren't inherently evil. The few that ever persecuted 'enemy species' are far from Toad Town now. I don't know what vindictive lunatic fed you those lies but I hate him already."
After a realization, Toad dropped the champagne bottle he was welding, turning to Luigi. "Appropriately his name rhymes with witch."
Banktoad coiled like a rusted spring the longer the search prolonged around the sand fortress of the mushroom shaped Water Land island. When the wind blew the brigade were smoldered by the burning fumes of the kart that brought them there, smoking from the engine blowing up. They'd all gotten out and pushed it the rest of the way, though knee high marshland, some of them wishing they were in that luxury jetliner instead, yes the one that almost fell out of the sky..
"-We saved the treasure already! Why are we still sorting through that stuff?"
Unanswered Banktoad thawed seeing blue toad with the cracked glasses implacable for once. That made sense, Bank would recall. He kept babbling, afraid of 'sirens' in the water earlier.
"Captain," Hint spoke up. "Are you having a merry time over there?"
The Captain gasped, pulling his nose from the indigo vest. "Ah! Why, of course," he chuckled, tucking it in a pocket. "Ah hem. Where is our trader?"
From around the fortress sautered a tepid koopaling. Sans her signature bow, loose bleached hair danced across her forehead with each step in the heels. She was also, the brigade all sharing the same face for a moment, not who they expected from the all caps request. They had no clue either why she'd used the pseudonym RAP (as in hip hop?). Perhaps not being able to hold a tune explained her awful mood from the jump, refusing to extend for The Captain meeting her half way. That shoulder was so cold he felt it, snow flurries speckling down. Wendy snuck a glance around. It was told to her that her weather powers took a break, so it was good they were returning.. Maybe.
"Greetings Princess Wendy! As equal opportunity artifact hunters we are in fact not perturbed over you being the client-"
Someone loudly coughed behind him.
"-Deal, princess?"
"Listen sugar..One thing..I can get that Jewel of the Stars, but only after.. You do a lil' something.. For me.."
He snapped his fingers impatiently, "We're busy, young lady. Come on boys, time to push the car all the way back home-"
Wendy huffed, delicately holding her earpiece in. None of this was how she planned, but the voice guiding was so insistent.. "Chill! It's in Mayor Koton's office. Right now, my 'informant' said. I can trade it for your totally chic uh, 'Bronze Egg' if you get me in the office. How? Get Mr. Toad to drop out with your famous impression-"
"Yes!" he squeed, voice rising an octave.
"NO!" The brigade rushed the rougeing Captain with complaints until he snapped.
"We must acquire that artifact! You should understand, William." He jabbed his nephew. "(That egg is C grade anyway. If she thinks it is worth anything that's her problem..)"
The pallid green toad nodded, his nerves grasped at.
The deal revitalized, Wendy shook the leader's hand with the enthusiasm of embracing Salvo the Slime, especially since his paws following that mention of Mr. Toad had the same icky texture. "IGGY!"
Iggy Delta beamed next to his sister, present in body only. The rhythmic bobbing of his half shaven head and mouthing of what sounded almost like coordinates gave away that his earpiece matching Wendy's was blasting math rock or similar. The Captain ripped his hat off, headlamp, even shirt in front of everyone, to try on the indigo vest. A different toad was unveiled then, his face broadening with unbridled zeal.
"I'm the best!" he blared.
"OMG, it's like I'm in the room with that annoying little... Good job." Wendy spared him a little applause. "Iggy, like, video record 'Mr. Toad' dropping out. We show this to Koton and it's game over."
Her brother brought a phone up lackadaisically. "Weren't you gonna talk this out?"
"Do I look like Luddy? We're flipping the script. And action!"
Yellow Toad yawned, lumbering in the way. Before he was clobbered he caught his captain's fist, wide awake. "Hey! Guess what." He suddenly dumped a giant bottle of extra strength PM cough syrup, the oozing orange liquid spreading around his hiking books. "I've gathered all my evidence, and some of you have some interesting to put it as flatteringly as possible, dreams. I'll take this by the way." He plundered the egg from Mailtoad's grasp.
"Mordecai! That was William-" (WTF, the nephew protested) "-levels of incompetence!"
"But- Captain.. I-" the purple toad stammered, not doing much of anything. His captain ran him over to get to Yellow Toad, unable to hop for it yet again.
Wendy face palmed. 'Toadys' fighting was like watching Junior's little friends scrapping it out, about as close as they could get to the adorable threshold in her eyes. The folly made the 'ally' in her ear easier to digest at least.
"Jörg, give me that!"
"No Stan, it's time I have lines." Steely, he rose a brow at Wendy. "Miss, would you like to learn the history of our infamous brigade?"
She filed her nails. "Not reeeeeally."
"Na? Don't spoil this my dear. The Toad Brigade formed with Stan and Bill meeting for the first time in a geology college class. The remainder of us were assembled on campus. I am sure you've heard of the rest of our travels until the last with Toadette, after which we separated, richly rewarded. Heinemann returned to teaching. Mordecai went to the post office and those were the only months Toad Town's delivery system worked efficiently, and I- investigative research."
The Captain stopped hopping, glaring. "And you learned what, Sherlock?"
"I gleaned and you and Bill took on a new and exciting 'position' too. What was it about that middle of the night call to reassemble? You proposed we research, excavate, and catalog artifacts, not to curate for a museum, to expunge. Why? Might it be to profit off of your 'nephew's -HWUH!"
The Captain strangled the life out of him on the spot so sudden and silently everyone froze.
Now this was getting good, Wendy thought until a handcuff was slapped on one wrist. "You're under arrest!" announced Snifit Patrol.
"IGGY HEEEEEELP!" she screeched, cracking the windshield of his patrol car parked downhill.
…
Reality rushed back to Luigi and Toad within. It took convincing that they were actually awake with the fogged up windows and snow flurries swirling in the tropics. They managed to spill out and those vertical flipping doors and tumbled over each other into slush. They clung automatically in the frigid temperatures. The palm trees and tropical foliage were dead or had icicles hanging, ice cubes bobbed in the ocean, and the sand castle ahead was frosted over.
Toad snagged the plumber before he dove into the fray. "Luigi. Let Sumeet do his job." He was blinked at. "... Don't worry, your internal monologue is safe with me," he whispered huskily.
The height difference placed Toad's head midway up his ribcage, though his disposition had no issue traveling the rest of the way up, Luigi grinning back. "I'm obligated to do something, aren't I? I'll just monitor," he whined playfully.
For once Toad didn't take it jokingly. "I don't want it to become compulsive or hollow like what happened with Mario. That's all. You're freezing stiff by the way." He slipped his hand under Luigi's dress coat, circling his lower back.
Valid points. Darn it. How did he do it with that round, charming, aged but nimble..
"-What?"
"Warm me up."
From his tip toes, the toad eagerly pressed his lips on him, rearing them back, pinning him against the kart. He became hot, yet he shivered. They were goofing off! Wasting time! Yet it stopped. Luigi wasn't initially sure if that's what he was asking for, but he got the answer quickly. It was explosive.
The motionless occupant with discolored knots all over their body was going to speak up at some point from the back seat. Blushing, they borrowed the Bowser racket for one more stunt and poofed away. They got the message.
…
That piercing wail was Wendy's ticket away from that masked nuisance. She flung off her heels and ran frantically, like fleeing a party she and friends had no business in, climbing up the wall of the castle until she was at the tallest spire. It hit her, what was she doing? Looking down on, she got vertigo seeing the entire island blanketed in white.
Iggy beamed with her again, grappling with her in the small cone shaped space. "Watashi wa makeru wake niwa ikanai!"
"I don't know what you're saying!"
"~Someone uses dubs over subs!" he sang whimsically.
"Shut up! If we're gonna brawl, brawl."
"I prefer Melee." Iggy unsheathed a short newly invented Beam Sword 8000. The screen split diagonally, brother and sister on opposite sides, baring teeth, claws out, lightning bolts from one pupil to the other. In his mind at least. The Wendy menace would be defeated and he would be a star.
…
"And they considered US tire kickers.." The Captain muttered, hanging partially out the window below that skirmish.
"Stanley, quit it already!" Banktoad urged, pulling him from that precarious space. "Dismiss the brigade again, and let's move back to Mushroom City. I'll manage my kleptomania and keep my hands to myself, both of them when my arm heals. I promise."
The Captain chuckled, pinching his jaws like he was four, about twenty five years before they ever knew each other existed. "As tempting as that is William, the only thing I adore more than you is when I have an opportunity to use my Mr. Toad impression."
Bank toad rocked the Bronze Egg back and forth with his foot, retrieved during that police busting confusion. "Can't you in private..like-" He paused as the stragglers tried to push into the passage they were in from the opposite side of the sandstone door, securely propped shut with a one ton backpack. "-Like you used to drive me nuts with in that thin walled apartment we had?" He pried The Captain's fingers off, snapping them.
"OUCH yes," he shrieked, "Hah.. But you see, having it recorded and viewed by millions? You cannot ignore that we have the same spot pattern, blood type, height, and physique. I am identical to Mr. Toad K Toad, in every way," he boasted, eyes glimmering. "I'd be cemented as his number one."
"..Fan. Right?" Bank stared a little harder, The Captain never learning how to human enough to interpret it. "Are you really asexual?" he asked bluntly.
His grin was wiped right off. "I said I didn't date anyone," he corrected.
Bank took one step closer. "Even if-"
"-Are you jealous over my feelings?" Skittishly The Captain took the egg again, holding it like a shield between them.
The one armed toad stopped where he was, biting his lip. "Yes. In.. a way I believe."
The Captain swallowed that lump in his throat. "Jörg was on to something. All I can say is it's I-interesting how you've given me that chemical imbalance again William." Some part of his brain going haywire, he tossed aside that tacky egg to latch onto the green toad and give him a gentlemanly kiss on the cheek. Bank caressed his face immediately afterwards and tongued him, a soft purr escaping from The Captain spontaneously. They pulled apart then at the same time, the short encounter exactly as viscerally confusing as they'd both imagined.
"I'm still gonna do it," the flushed Captain squeaked.
"Oh come on!" His nephew's lunge for him froze upon a small controlled detonator activation, blowing it open. Sandstone blocks and debris from the adventure pack propagated, clouding a passage that Snifit Patrol cut though unhindered. He tased the Captain and Banktoad so that they both collapsed on the spot disoriented. Yellow Toad crept from behind the handcuffing officer for the egg in the corner. With no data on it, there was one logical move.
"Drop that evidence!" the officer ordered too late.
Yellow Toad hurled it out the window.
A shiny object whizzing by koopalings. Wendy kicked off her brother, reaching out in vain from the roof as it plunked into chilly waters. "No no nooo!" He stopped her from diving into the ocean, just barely.
Hint Toad, from the shore area where his own Captain had subdued him earlier, witnessed firsthand the impact spot bubble and blacken, spreading out steadily, darkening even the icebergs.
WELL DONE FREEING MY DUMB SILENT FRIEND MUNCHZTAR.
With bated breaths, the siblings on the roof shook out the earpods.
NICE TRY. I AM GOD OF INDULGENCE RAPSCINTILLATION. I AM NOT CHAINED TO ONE MORTAL TO CARRY OUT MY PURPOSE LIKE OTHER LOSERS. HA. HA. HA.
…
Lips broke apart back at the police car. The toad and human, shed coats off on the snow, many buttons undone on both, stepped apart in a feverish daze before purple toad that ran up on them. As Mailtoad hauntingly directed their attention over some, the lovebird's hearts pumped rapidly for a different reason.
Author note: We had another form of creepiness here, hope it wasn't too much. How'd you like this double length? We're not done yet.
-Normally I'd reserve this snippet for outside author commentary, but there are some Freudian parts at the end I do want to explain. That particular dark star was the lord of indulgence, not necessarily narcissism, or negligence or perverseness, but depending on character that was how 'indulging' manifested. Remember also, not to regurgitate previous plot points, that these dark stars are morally corrupt.
-For a 180 on mood, 'Luigi's Wacky Date' by Thegeniusyoshi spawned 'Absurd Apple Pie', a random thing I thought I'd reference.
Created: 12/4/22 (creation, I guess?), 12/12 (actual work date likely), 12/15, 12/17, 12/26, 12/27, 12/29 - 1/1/23 - 1/7- 1/17, 1/18, 1/20, 1/21
