Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever (Redux)

Sloping Altars (Chapter 24)

Disclaimer: Mario belongs to… *sigh* Nintendo and not I..

Author's Note: Since I started this project a little over a year ago, I have one or two more gray hairs. Hm, that's not the kind of author's note you put into a penultimate chapter! Let's try again. Happy Mar10 day! See far bottom for more..


Ignatius H Koopa was notorious for: inventing, graduating at twelve, changing his hair color genetically, believing in the Fang-Fairy, and programming a chess playing AI so proficient it was classified self aware and monitored by some governments.. In aggregate he should have thwarted the 'Wendy Menace', yet oily goop skimmed the ocean beyond his technologically aided perception, and cheep cheeps, dolphins, jelectro, and bloopers squirmed helplessly.

"Noooooooo!...Psyche!" On the sand castle rooftop, Wendy O. Koopa lifted a megaphone. "YAAAS! All your water are belongs to me!"

Iggy laser eyed that to powder. "-Wendy-chan, you're dangerously underestimating what you're partnering with! It's Sirena Beach all over again!"

She pushed away from him, the sun's resurgence through the winter storm catching her blue eyes, the only element around that color as she craned upwards, "They can have the ocean back- which was mine anyway in my opinion, if they vote for me Monday!" Suddenly one of her wrists was joined to the other with a metallic click.

"You'd better rally from the big house then. You are under arrest for conspiracy, pollution, and trading stolen property, young lady!" chimed Snifit Patrol, dragging her off the roof.

The first she had to cross on the ground was the last she wanted to see. "Next time, leave the megaphone thing to me, homegirl."

"I HATE TOOOOOAAAADDDSSS!"

While dealing with paperwork on the spot, Snift Patrol was pledged by the commotion of the koopaling's aquatic enemies beating on the patrol car with palm branches. He ordered Toad and Luigi to get out of there, dumping five pounds of C-4 on them to protect themselves. It dawned that a couple- many things weren't right, like the koopaling captive being allowed to text already.

"Wendy. Really?" Luigi crouched, tapping the glass.

Her bottom lip quivering, the teen silently pressed the cracked Bowserphone against the glass. A rival Badlands High posse had commented on her blog:

'Hey emo princess. If you want that prince, be ready because we want him too and it will be on sight. If not, you will be accused of 'teh ghey'. Either way, expect ostracism!'

Luigi straightened his posture, brushing against Toad who's own response was caught in the back of his throat, especially with Iggy about to creep up on them. Luigi at least managed some astute remark- "How about you focus on your bail first? Then that other stuff."

"What stuff? Baka!" Iggy exclaimed. "'Queen' Wendy O. is a serial grifter, manipulator, and pity party hostess-."

"Gosh shut up!" She beat against the back of seat. "My life is over, for real, all because some prick took a selfie at the last prom precisely when I happened to stand too close to this Prince of Nimbus Land douche. I don't 'like' him or anyone at school but even if I could fly rockets like you I don't think I could ever outrun the rumors! I can't toss money at this and make it go away! I can't rely on old Anti-Ma friends. Now I won't even be mayor, where for once I'd have some autonomy. Don't you get it?"

Dumbstruck, Iggy shifted away from the cop car. "..So, Luigi and Toad-san.. Before you go.."

The cyborg koopaling produced his tablet again with a live satellite feed. A dark red mass orbited their planet, mass perceivably increasing in dimension. He also faxed over a passage from Ludwig, though his way probably drove the point home already.


Reading that note was the worst thing she could have done. Every country road she memorized melted together- crystallized rather in the nippy weather. The pink toad girl leaned against the ostro stop, tuckered out, wishing she endured the piercing radio Daisy kept messing with in the Birthday Girl. Her compass acting strange, she kicked the pole and then had to dodge the falling icicles.

"-Howdy, Probabilly K. here. Sorry fer the delay. Ice on the wings.." A paratroopa in a dark blue jumpsuit approached, offering his machine oil stained hand intrepidly. "Whatcha need darlin?"

She gingerly took his hand. Notably when they let go, the janitor immediately went to hugging himself up, shivering. "I was trying to locate my- a friend. He is either a blue toad and 5'0 or a fifty story tall, three headed-"

He swooped her over frosted over prairies until in the sparsely populated shanty town, where he got dicey, diving, spiraling at random, and it wasn't like the toad girl could safely ditch him. Would he make up his mind?

Meanwhile, Paper Macho friend actors unanimously kicked out a cowboy through the swinging doors of the theater. He shook off the red dust, rushing back.

"At least give me a week for the mustache, it'll be darker."

The snifit director replied, "Our head's still split'n from yer wails of 'YA-HOO!'. Walk on home boy!"

Disgruntled actors tossed props, paper cacti with real spikes, barrels, and the kitchen sink at him as he backed into Toadette, just dropped in. Together they escaped down another street, the toad girl finally getting a decent look at her ex. Hard to miss against the rime coating the South, Bucken-Berry glowed red still, otherwise he was sound, she estimated, as cowpoke extra, in a red and white plaid button up, denim jeans, and spurred leather boots, all a size off. Probably missed because he hadn't been a toad for a while now, peach fuzz shade his upper lip, one of the few toads that could grow anything at all.

"Babe, lost track of time," he sputtered. "You know, no watch cause I didn't have arms this morning? Mr. Toad wired Drew a ton of coins to blast more radiation off the books and it worked, I'm just 'dimorphic' and we'll need more sessions to fix that, but-"

She kept her focus on her scuffed shoes, trying to pave over that perfect excuse Dr. Toad had to keep seeing him. "Oh great!..." Abruptly shifting. "What about you trying to join them back there?"

"Well, most of the scripts have a Mario impersonator. I know it sounds crazy but the theater was close and anything I've ever wanted to do- I just went for it.… You okay?"

They walked a little longer then she spilled, "Um. You implied you could sense disturbances while in that previous form? Like with Mr. Toadsworth? He wrote me this..."

'~Miss Toadette, if I do not explain now, this may be lost forever. Queen Toadstool possessed an insatiable appetite for knowledge, especially regarding the spiritual. Our princess was two months old when the Queen retreated barefoot onto Star Hill. Our leaders knew losing her had to do with the Stars above, falsifying the explanation of brain fever for her demise. In retaliation, I concealed the Queen's scrolls and 'utensils' from them and now retribution has arrived...

Solemnly, his rough textured hand slid over hers. "I heard Ala-Gold on Star Hill. I knew, well, his body's waiting to be shipped to Ricco Harbor for burial, but that psycho imposter seemed so real... Far as Mr. Toadsworth goes.. Let's not get caught up with mistakes made before we were even born, just our own. Trust me, babe.. It'll be okay. " He closed in for a quick kiss on the cheek.

She smiled back at him, blushing. Cutting through an ice flower orchid of 'Lil Oink Napoleon's', escapee Paper Macho Outlaws were chowing on brittle rusty machinery. Craving fresher mechanical parts, they stomp with a distinct rattle towards the fancy kart parked near a power station, Daisy absorbed in switching radio bands.

Toadette let go. "Darn it.."

Using the picket fence for cover, the blue toad went one way, blasting paper freaks into paper scraps and metal wires with his prop guns. Daisy swiveled around wide eyed at the monsters, with an expletive or two. Toadette went opposite of the commotion to sneak around, jump in the car, and play GTA with those hooligans. When she smacked into a Mecha-Yoshi, the first in a league of six heading over, she played GTFO actually, scurrying away as their lasers ripped up farmland.

Pink and blue toads managed to spill into the car with only a few skin graces and burns, gritting their teeth and huddling low with Daisy under the light show. Windows shattered. Tires burst. Green particles flowing around induced weightlessness. That was new.. The princess rose her head directly above..

"Gods, finally," she sighed. "This is why I don't gotta FCC in my kingdom. Nobody got time for this kinda suspense!"


The small shed with a beaten BMX bike chained against it became the dino's salvation from certain death, the rest of the yard boxed by tall wooden fences. Sonny joined him, alternatively ducking and shooting. A round later, the toad agent slammed back against the metal panels, groaning as the cartridge jammed. "Cover me!" He dropped a smaller handgun from his vest. Yoshi peeked around at the gumdrop shaped creature waddling close, lit cigar, guns carried by invisible arms.

Mario was always the weapons bearer in safaris. Consequently he rolled out to launch a more familiar perfectly aimed egg. With a crack of the shell, the rogue agent flipped over the next door fence. Huffin puffins clucked in distress, drawing the attention of a chain chomp. The horrific screams of 0088 becoming the stray's chew toy began to fade in the distance.

"Thanks. I didn't think Saleisha Koopa had pets… look I don't stalk her, just say hi when I'm at Harry's Shop… Where she's assistant manager. Info she volunteered willingly so-"

Yoshi spared a sympathetic glance on the youngster, his blush almost luminous with the shadow passing over him. "Riiight, Emerson. Wherever you ask her out, don't show her those pinups you have until at least the third date.."

The dislodged dart lay in a crease of the sidewalk, Goombario carefully studying it with the aid of a book. Mario breathed raggedly, stirring every fifteen licks from Poochy on his palm. "-Mr. Yoshi, long time no see! It's Goombario, or paladin of the Mario Anti Defamation League," boasted a young geekish goomba with square fangs and a blue ball cap, backwards now. A touch hipper. Just a touch. "It dawned that I let this weekend's debacle happen to my man, and I had to do something, being within walking distance.."

Mario sprawled motionless in his yard garnered the attention Yoshi expected and then some, besides the old partner, neighbors casting glances he didn't like. He quietly slipped away to ask about that poison, appalled he didn't the first time. When he hopped into the backyard again, Sonny was face down in the lawn where he last saw him. The dino dove to his side. There was no dart this time-

"I.. never.. Got. to..meet..Wendy O.." Agent Toad coughed up blood.

"What happened?"

"Up.. there..sir. T-too- late.. I designed Project Z with.. A.. 90%..fatality rate.."

Yoshi craned to the black triangular glider. A dark grey shy guy attached to it held a contraption with a dish on the end, invisible waves from it distorting the light purple sky and clouds. Like a bob-omb detonated in his skull, Yoshi was hurled against the shed in agony from head to toe.

(Behind ya bro! Emerson had anti-boo walls or something? Now get me out! They're stealing my signature ability!.. Yeah it's who you think, sped." Someone violently shook the shed door from the inside.

Yoshi swiped up at the latch. The entity barged out and, offense restoring lucidity, weird but it worked, Yoshi leapt from the ruckus of the glider crashing through the toad agent's roof. The Agony ray cracked over his head into crude handmade pieces, then more fell from the sky that he dodged, heavy tactical boots, severed legs laced in them, a robed torso sliced cleanly, and the final portion, all accompanied by deep red blood splatter.

Anti-Guy's disembodied head rotated mask up at, inches from his orange boot. "I hope the overseas forgers ruin that insolent pup.."

Sonny crawled over, asking simply. "Who got him?"

Yoshi cocked his head to the side, speechless.

Whoosh. "Guess who's back?" teased a gruff, greyish purple sphere with a short tail and sharp teeth, originating from the breached tackle box in the shed, a tray of medical equipment balancing on the lid. Their eyelids rose over the empty sockets. "For an encore. The one! The only." They brought their arms up, one half severed- " Ah, nevermind. You know who I am and I don't do monologues. By the way, not cool bro." Zoo revealed a chunk of his head missing, cut cleanly to the brain. "This is why I didn't give my body to science ever!"

Following a tense few seconds, the toad agent grappled the dino into a chokehold. "-I know, Mr. Munchakoopas. Yes I opportunistically made that weapon. Before I was pushed into acting at Neon Heights I studied engineering. It wasn't all fake though, Spy Guy had infiltrated the mail services- looking for the patient of MY insurance to survive in the agency until I'm in the big league. Think cars, vacations, women.. If the bullies don't kill me by then."

Yoshi resisted the urge to snap his pale fingers in half. "I didn't earn respect overnight either, so I'm impressed by your composure in the face of prejudice on the job." He kicked himself up, swinging the toad over his shoulder and away where he rolled. "But you have much to learn. Where's Zoo?"

"-Scrapping with me while you have your little moment." A red boo with a certain sleazy quality about him, decked in winter gear and needing a shave, held onto Zoo with great difficulty.

"Trevor-?"

"Yeah yeah, bet you wish it was some hot shot like Lt. Stone. Yeah no. You get to deal with me. I hate you got rid of my poker partner 0088, but I'll help you off Charles like you did Rodney if you throw next Thursday's game-"

"-Forget that! I think your girlfriend ran into some problems on duty. There's a public list of King's guards that are.. terminated.."

Zoo got the slip vanishing into the shadows. M snapped to reality and followed underground. In less than a second he came back tugging onto a bigger boo with a gold crown, dark bags around his purple glowing eyes from jet lag, holding a full martini glass he dumped into the grass quickly. "Peon, let me go immediately! Like it's not enough I lost my casino and I'm homeless and my bank is closed on Sunday!"

King Boo poofing away, M brought up a pale green white haired and mustached boo. As irate, he whacked the agent with the shopping bags he'd carried. "Hmph. Don't you dare interrupt my errands for the Lady!"

M tried one last time. "-I'll get in so much trouble if I dont complete community service!" Boo E. Diddley, his neighbor in Forever Forest, had a dull axe and a construction helmet worn down low, the struggle making it fall off.

"Boo? Oh stars.." Yoshi trailed.

The toad agent barged ahead, shaking the red boo."-Why can't you find him?!"

"Dude I can't.. Focus enough. What the heck happened to Bridget?" M screamed back. When toad hesitated, the red boo unleashed a cry and beat him across the head with Anti-Guy's bamboo dart rod, breaking it.

Sonny held his jaw. "Okay! Boo or Booigi did it!"

Agent M whipped over as Boo took the arm of the dinosaur, frozen from what he'd encountered in the middle of Boo's forehead. "Sorry. I'll..handle this.." they slowly lead the citizen from the scene.

Good thing. There was someone hiding among the hedges, lacking the inherent stealthiness of a boo, though rivaling in talent. The agents weren't sure how they missed it. It was bright gold.


"Lord Bowser, I insist these will sooth you. I borrowed it from Kammy."

Bowser flicked the tiny sloshing bottle aside. "Who's never soothed, gramps."

"..Good point."

"Anyway, I gotta call it a day on page five it is... Hey, how the heck does anybody stare at screens for eight or nine hours?"

Kamek scuttled to retrieve the eyedrops. "Tolerance and not setting the brightness to 120 percent, my lord. I am sure your computer aided proclamation is delightfully wicked the same.."

"Duh! You think I'm some kinda-YOW!" His back cracked when he lifted off that office chair. "Just.. Here! Double check I hit the floppy thingy." Half mangling the cables, Bowser tore the laptop off his desk, the ray from screen brightness bashing the magikoopa through the door, walls and out of the castle from the O on the BOWSER logo. Bowser blindly stepped a portion of the hole made, plummeting floors down. A rainbow haired koopaling flipped in his chair as his father mashed all his art supplies..

"OMG. King Dad, umm-"

He growled, facing the direction of the voices. "Why are you doing here?!" He hopped up in the Koopa Troop computer lab, kicking aside the plastic playskool table as he pressed the map previously stuck to his plastron to his face. The printers lined against the wall were steadily spitting out photocopies too. "Were you trying to sneak into the city?"

Roy jumped between them. "Dad, it's on me. Dere's dis concert tonite 'n-"

"-We were gonna sell bootlegs on the street. Cha-Ching!" Larry added on the side.

"In addition to that I, myself, Morton Jr would use my cacophonic pleas to divert us to the shopping mall to buy the new Air Koopa sneakers promoted by the rapper-"

Iggy suddenly phased in. "And then I, Super Mercenary Iggy Delta with my ability to translate any lyric into Japanese on the spot-" He checked his smartphone after it played a sound effect. "-Oh geez.. Okay, BRB guys. Gotta enforce copyright right now."

Bowser Junior wandered into the wispy spot he dematerialized from, pulling along his toy train. "Do I get to make an excuse?"

"No!"

"Everybody, you ain't in trouble!" Bowser roared. "In my dedication to being the best ever, I can't see crap, so I need help getting around. Wendy's locked up. Now where's Ludwig?"

Not liking that silence, Bowser banged on a thin unmarked door, no opportunity for customization from anyone. It didn't matter in this case, the bass keys from a piano rumbling the walls..

"Vater.." Severe dry sounding coughing followed. The Koopa King's gut was wrenched. His big plans relied on this one. "Leave me here." Cough. "The others will lead you to the penitentiary… No one will stray along the way, I swear!"

Bowser almost smelt a machination- but his commander would never, not in his ill health and not after all the trouble the last one caused. Eased he blindly stumbled off, giving someone a call. It didn't go through at all. Now where would Mario be where his phone was completely shut off?


He couldn't believe he only saw it then. The green toad instructor was mature, dressed so crisply it was intimidating. Following Mushroom Enquirer fame the journalist went under his actual Mitch J Toad, but back in the day, he was 'Weegee', the nickname derived from his glassy piercing gaze and impressive if pedantic ways. All for the better. Such a person should never be conflated with Luigi.

"Psst!" Mario ducked behind a propped up text book in the adjacent school desk, passing a wrinkly copy paper.

'Who's your special one?'

Yoshi replied with the truth, slyly, also adding, 'Is your's Bowser?'

Mario's initial reaction to smile brightened the dino's day. Then-

'No, Yosh.'

Yoshi read it and passed it back, at a loss.

Mario's pen poked the page for a moment, the instructor droning on. 'If they say you only get one, how have I had multiple? If I'm missing something I need to be sure before I get into that mode of thinking, especially with 'You Know Who.' Another pause. 'I guess Luigi was always braver than me in that area, because dating wise-'

The teacher seized the paper from under the plumber's nose. "Lesson's over dudes! Get ready for the 69th Annual Quirk Quiz!"

The class setting broke apart in puzzle pieces, transforming into a purple walled gameshow room, one side entirely blaring colorful bulbs. It was so smoldering it was almost unbreathable, likely from that. A seated audience consisting of creepy zeostars and starslaps, old 'Weegee' took the mic from the stand.

"Thanks for being my third and fourth contestants ever. Get three questions wrong and I..will..consume..you.." As shuffled his cards, the audience heckled. "What are the two most deceitful things in the universe, often working in tangent?"

"A double X-Yux?" Yoshi answered.

"Wrong! It's …Alright, half a point, but the answer was 'humans' and 'toads'..."

The next question asked for the combined total of fifteen random items found around town. Yoshi shopped online exclusively, out of the loop, and Mario hadn't needed to shop much with the dowry of his heroic services. When they guessed an x from the bulbs painted the room in red. Pettily, that counted as two wrong answers.

"Next, can toads mix with other species?"

Mario scratched his beard. "Sure?"

"...Correct," he muttered, the crowd booing. "That lie that we can't originated.. You should have listened to my lecture. Moving on.."

Under that, Yoshi thought he saw a seam line near the audience, but before he made a egg roll over-

"-What is hidden in here?" the host giggled at his cards.

"A fabulous prize?"

Mitch slung the mic stand out of his way. "WRONG, Mario. I knew this would happen to you without an intrepid partner in your ear. You've never really had to try, have you? Well now you can try as you may- it won't matter!" He trudged closer diabolically, shoulders hunched.

"That's asinine Mitch. Like I'm not always working!"

"Yeah, kickboxing, running, jumping, so innate and brainless you disassociated ages ago and your so called close friends barely noticed! Tell me, when exactly did you empty Curtis Mario out to become the vessel the town could inundate with their love- or these days, their hate?"

Mario was backed against the wall, clasping his head on both sides. "It wasn't- the folks here were so browbeaten from war when we dropped in- They needed a perfect hero."

"And they got it, regardless of what this little jerk's insinuating." Yoshi punched the journalist straight across the face, taking care to wrinkle his clothes as he pulled him back up. "Check your four o clock, Mario!"

Mario's felt around for the indentation of the exit when evil stars from the stands piled over the heroes. The pressure forced them through the floor into roaring blue flames underneath. Everything burned, maniacal laughter in the background as the exit panel was knocked out by a previous contestant.

"If you hear me, none of this is happening! It's all because I lost the game. Not 'that' game. Or do people still play The Game? -Sorry. I can't help trapping people into phantom zones. Yoshi, I can save you but Mario.." Boo Diddley went blank. "Oh no. A bad guy, Camoztar is-!"

Mitch crawled from under the pileup primal like, eyes flashing yellow. "Enough jabbering kid. If I'm so darn reprehensible, find me right now in the real world. Punish me."


He was in the middle of cleaning dishes from an evening lunch. At least he'd remembered to eat this time. "-Oh, early?"

The trench coat and fedora wearing guest shuffled into the adjoining, usually closed off room.

"The princess wanted a single alteration, Russ. You know efficiency is my forte. Ha."

The latest addition to the usual maps tacked up and filled shelves was the large banner from the last Mario Kart, draped in a temporary way, as vibrant as the spines of the game books Russ read for leisure. Contemplating their sessions with the conquest focused games gave him a pinch of bliss until he encountered the coffee table, labeled and arranged lapis lazuli bust pieces of 'Bowser's Brother' covering it. He rotated the gold ring around his index finger, wedged in place..

"I know. Can we discuss something else?" The blue toad leaned against the doorway.

The seven foot tall, red curly haired dragon koopa dropped on the couch. Russ powered down the computer and slid in a chair on the way, stalling unambiguously. He joined X on the tiny portion available, resting his hand lightly on the leg the koopa crossed. "Would you be the X that is a contender for mayor?"

Mr. X finally released some of that tension. "Stars, ha hah., not necessarily!" He explained Mayor Koton's past as a thwimp in King Morton's castle and how an ambassador tipped him on the rampant toad slave labor. Russ was bewildered by how chaotic and spontaneous it sounded from the most restrained person he knew, X never intending to show up so any old joe could claim to be 'X' and usurp the thwimp. Did X have another friend now? Who had gotten to him?

The toad let go of his cold scales with some embarrassment, sliding up his glasses. "So. Ah hem.. What story shall I give Mario about-? "

"Don't tell him anything! Honestly this Mario and Bowser thing I keep hearing about is… It has nothing to do with me." Standing, he clasped his claws contemplatively. "-As that second expert I can call and inform him there's nothing more to learn. Happy?"

Russ stood up to him, dwarfed. "No."

"Enough, Russ! No one would ever understand my journey!"

"I did, Clarentine."

Following the utterance of his name, Mr. X stared down at the blue spotted toad, paralyzed. Of course he knew he knew, but- a bell went off.

"..Russ T, it's Goombario. Quickly, does this Blue Falcon belong to you? Some mask-wearing guy.."

X's ears perked from an alcove in the back. He lifted a curtain as the golden masked person hijacked it, stuffing a human inside. X burst outside, flailing after his nitro fueled gift to himself, splurged on less than a year ago. It hit zero to five-hundred, out of the block in one second. Mr. X dropped to his knees in the middle of the road, fedora and coat, missing, sweat beads rolling from his bumpy forehead, down his snout.

"Blue koopa sir!" Goombario had a novelty four person bike, a very woozy dinosaur with a head bandage and an alert dog taking the slack in the other positions. "Yes, that was Mario getting kidnapped. We can't let him get slandered again!"


"EEeeeeeeeeeeek!" Toadette squeezed the daylights out of- She blinked again. It was herself.

"Daze, you cool?" The other Toadette repeated, accidentally twirling her dress. "..This isn't my style?"

"Because you're me, Toadette Kinopiko!" replied 'Daisy'.

"And I'm you. Me. Daisy," said Bucken-Berry's body.

Every sensation was different, from the way feet fit in shoes, to proportions, skin color, center of gravity, weight and texture of hair. Compounding it all, they were abducted into a half lab, half kitschy furniture and orange shag carpet adorned spaceship.

'Bucken-Berry' got his bearings. "Guess what, I've had x-ray vision since yesterday so I ain't seeing nothing new far as Toads go. All I wanted was to see the professor. Not that one tho."

Dr. Toad removed some bulky headphones that kept him oblivious mostly, using the lab table to roll out blue prints, the corners weighed down by his phone or wallet or pda. "Ahhhhh!.. I mean hello again. Forgive me, I was finalizing designs for the new Pipe Land facility. We'll be 6555 miles closer than the Special World branch and I know that is especially pertinent to you, Bucken-Berry."

'Bucken-Berry' wandered over awkwardly. "I'm sure it'll be. Where's the professor?"

"Which one? John Topper, professor of behavior? You know he was pivotal when… Or you refer to Morris who majors in everything, making him so dangerous.. Of course.." and on he blabbered with anecdotes of his much older friends, occasionally tugging on the blue toad's plaid baggy sleeve.

Bucken-Berry, the real one watching in Toadette's form, already knew that Drew wasn't very shy at all in the right circumstance, however the real Toadette in Daisy's body was dying inside, bronze skin as fair as the toads. Okay, it was funky to see 'himself' with someone else, and this was some comeuppance for her error, but it went no further. He lacked the capacity to be with anyone right now, something they'd need to sit and talk about-

"What is this? Cease that frolicking, Drew!" Dr. toad gawked at Prof. X-Naut, continuing, "- First John used my secret project to teleport around those farm entities-"

"To make them comfortable with the cold weather," the green hammer bro defended.

"-Whatever, and now you use it to gather groupies? Get them out! I copied the teleporter from *classified* to locate and retrieve my MacGuffin, an inanimate object! I cannot be sued for any other side effects."

"Dawg, wait!" 'Bucken-Berry' called before they got pushed into an exit shoot. "Could we reverse something with your time machine?"

Prof. X-Naut retrieved from a drawer a web covered, analog character clock ticking in a weak metallic way. The Sarasalandian princess discovered it previously with the Hiyoihoi, and no she didn't rough it up for once. "That IS the MacGuffin, young man. The only safe way to escape a Red Chomp is to open a temporal portal, alas, no, you cannot resolve some relationship matter with it.."

"Sorry guys, Morris holds the belief that love is a fraud," Dr. T chipped in from a yoga mat in the corner.

The space alien shook more screws from it, ranting, "Don't you shut me up from exposing the ignis fatuus of the entertainment industry! 'Crazy in Love' is not just a hit from Beanyonce.. The real explanation is that If I repair it, a future version of myself called 'Sirrom' will appear and smash it to bits with a sledgehammer." He shrugged and when his mitten was in the air somewhat, someone warped inside the ship and retrained it, like a sleek maneuver from Snifit Patrol, except failing when the handcuffs were too small for the x-naut. (He was sure the alien was about Kammy's size. Apparently not.)

"It's never as cool as it looks in your head." Iggy grumbled. Resetting the intro, he slipped into his work uniform vivaciously announcing, "Iggy Delta of Nerd Squad here. Ready to fix-" He unsheathed the Beam Sword 8000. "-Your faces for stealing my Transporter-To-Convenient-Plotpoint-Location DLC!" He slashed random things in half.

In the panic, Dr. Toad was sure to gather his plans. Only one person could keep all his work from going down the drain, and from a sensation on the back of his neck, a sibling connection, he knew he was in town for an encore.


The driver visited every tile of the map, avoiding tire bursting pokies, violent tweesters, and headwear stealing kleptos. The tour was sold out and myths were shared at points of interest, though none as grand as this:

~Once upon a time, patooie plant engineer was framed for mauling a guy while. The Tostarena Town officers conscripted him for hard labor, during which he secretly worked on a Mecha-Yoshi prototype, loosely based on the mysterious Jaxi. He burst out and rode into the sunset until settling in the podunk down in Southern Mushroom Kingdom!

Jr. Troopa's story for the dueling yoshi and hammer bro sphinx: the wide spot between them was definitely where an ancient civilization held sports games, the sphinx being the mascots. Camera flashes showered some nearby ruins, purportedly the afterparty zone. That would explain why they were so deteriorated after all. Wait, since when did he care? He had to get through the desert everyday to get to work. Oh right. The South was frigid, but weather was more mild than ever recorded in Dry Dry Desert. He didn't get it, as Tutankoopa's tomb rolled up. Huge as the stadium in Toad Town, intricate stone work wrapped about the structure, a mere velvet rope blocking the blue torch lit passageway with hieroglyphs. He wanted to avoid the bottle neck out of the vehicle. That wouldn't be an issue for another reason-

"Why litter, mon ami?" The driver waggled an empty syringe bag, one of many.

The mildly oafish King's guard, one of many spotted around, shook his head in the face of the restless tourists. "Not our doing. We were in Area 64 and then it became so chilly this afternoon we-"

"Don't squeal!" Another ran up. "You're this close to being the one we send solo to carry water from the oasis."

"Give Reginald credit. He refrained from mentioning the part where you plan on leaving your fallen comrades' bodies in there. Or how you've formed an independent boo-hunting faction."

Reginald aimed his super scope, belatedly noting the shellfish creature had already aimed his silenced pistol first, above the belt. Five proximate guards drew their weapons in various states of wear and disrepair, tourists dispersing.

Jr. Troopa eagerly crouched under the van chassis, gaining more of a view than he bargained for. A chestnut horse and a speckled chicken, two recently missing animals of Bob the bob-omb buddy were in the backdrop, strolling aimlessly in the tomb. The librarian had been locked in a chest yesterday due to, quote: 'Jefe del Escuadrón Toad'.

He whacked his head on the axel. "Buck-Wilde! Col-Turkey! Get outta there!"

Their commotion of trampling cedar boxes gave the noki the distraction needed to check his dive watch, smooth sweeping seconds hand striking the twelve. At the moment he divined, the two animals rounded outside, leaping over the velvet rope, knocking over the closest guards with the gun, then over the noki's head. Troopa was picked- or nipped by Buck-Wilde like a chicken and kicked in the face by the scrawny thin legs of Col-Turkey like she was some horse. The belligerent livestock slung him away as sand shook from the crevices of the temple. The ground rumbled from a horde of gauze wrapped toads, Mummy-Mes. They cleaned out any stragglers while Noki pulled the last person lingering aside, a tourist left behind from the last tour.

"Tu es magnifique mon amour," Agent 0064 toyed, wrestling with him. It wasn't much of a fight with the toad unable to move his lower half of his body. "At least you discovered the revitalizing properties and not the blast this beautiful landmark away ones. How did you find Nitro Honey Syrup?"

"Like I'd tell you, handsome. Ha, even when you haven't slept in two days. Kinda impressive. Too bad your Jeremy can't appreciate that anymore."

Jelectro dropped Mitch flat, growling, "You boo minion lobotomized my civil partner, Mitch… Agent N is in the hospital and I cannot even visit him or his niece Ashley without compromising.. Ahg!" (Like a mini twisted therapy session, THAT unearthed.. No wonder he was sloppy now. The noki could only down so many pills to stick in the game..)

Mitch calculatingly watched him tremble. "Boo is still a decent channeller on occasion, though I learned real quick it's better to rely all on myself. I'd say sorry but you can read my- Oh you can't right. Darn. Shoulda made myself look better by saying sorry- ha ha."

The noki lashed out before he could stop it, kicking him in the gut. "What else do you know?"

Mitch winched for a bit, then smiled through it. "Too bad you didn't break something.. There's a reason why I let you detect me. Why I let her find me."

The black Lexus launched off a dune, pulling up as he slid to the ground. Twisting around, the noki wished he was a boo about then.

"Get in! Your Aston Mushroom's still safe in my driveway, Bond. As for that ol Mitch. Yeah, let's take him too."

"You'd better. That's my new car.." he said, Kylie roughly hauling him in the back seat.

"Hush. As an enemy of the Kingdom, enjoy those heated leather seats one last time. Everything you've done is recorded, so if you hate toads so much we'll ship you away from their town!"

Jelectro slid his shades down, evidence blaring of forced entry, scratches and bent fiberglass on the driver door. "Don't use pet names from arch nemeses of mine, madam. Besides, arrest first, write book reports later. Mitch is willing to destroy himself for whatever he is yearning for."

"Yikes." She cupped over her mouth. "Let's just get to goin'." Unable to be as cruel as she wished, she took along and folded up his wheelchair, cut off by the agent from the drivers seat. He wanted to see something curious inside, a spectrum analyzer-like device crudely yanked from one car, to be haphazardly taped to the center console.

The pink shelled koopa reluctantly climbed in shotgun then. "That's Dr. Houdini Toadley's Psycho Radar that.. I'll tell you more later. It's too muggy to breathe."

"Indeed.." He sped in the desert with the reporters. "Did the bus accident break both of his legs?" he asked, as if he wasn't right behind them.

"Uh." She turned to him anxiously. "No. Just head trauma, spinal issues.. Yep. Definitely. I saw.. And signed his papers.."

"Hm. Well they are both broken now and if you remove his shoes, aside from smelly socks, you will find no toes left. Most severed by cutting, a few by blunt twisting motion, one gnawed.."


"That was quick," remarked the Spindel, nearly the width of the room as he stared her down.

The koopaling flipped through the packet another time for show. "Imma quick reader. Trust me.."

Afterwards, Wendy shivered on the Darklandian crest rug waiting for that final confirmation of being out of the running, the record lows frosting up the glass, clouding the rest of Neo Bowser City. Some Skylandians were hanging about in support for that lame Mr. Toad, but her worries were more with the Mayor Koton klan, thwomps guarding each door, malice radiating from each she encountered. They understood she was being forced didn't they? By the time she got her okay, she was glad to leave the fortress that touched the poisonous clouds. Flat footed without her heels she made the trek down the icy path alone meeting her family and troop at the fortress stone gates.

"Yes, sir! We disembark!" Tanner saluted.

"Seriously?- I mean yes sir.." Perfunctory, Emery echoed, followed by Johnson and Hippity-Hop the last of her hot pink outfitted 'disciples' officially rejoining the Koopa Troop they never really left.

"Done, baby-doll?"

Wendy rolled her eyes at her dad.

"Why are y'all so mopey? I have GREAT news that'll really shake ya up when we're home! Let's go go go!"

While they crouched into the waiting limo on one side, it was so expensive and roomy with multiple compartments, purposely chosen by Larry who knew what singers and celebrities preferred, that Lemmy, Roy, Morton, Larry, and Junior by accident snuck out, without notice. Well, too late to tell the six year old to stay home with papa now. Neo Bowser City had no speed limits and it was out of there.

Lemmy's tentative deep breath fogged up his hand made map. It was do or die to circumvent Skylandians, Koton's supporters, and whatever else awaited between them and the mayor's office. He kept trying to contact Iggy, going straight to voicemail. His absence was going to sting like the ice water hitting his cold blooded body. As koopa kids comradery was effortless, then they just had to grow up and it get weird. Getting stuck in an ignore each other cycle was as frightening as the static ghastly Tox Boxes resting on raised sloping altars. They passed them while journeying through the bramble filled courtyard. It became apparent the entire building leaned some. Lemmy didn't plan for that, nor the security system that greeted them at the thick heavy entrance doors. Larry couldn't find usb access to hack the terminal, nor could Morton and Roy brute force it with a giant hammer and bill cannon respectively. Junior continued to play in the background, ignored.

"Lemmy, you gotta contribute man. Do we crack the code? Jimmy the lock? Ring the buzzer and ask politely?" Morton tapped his brother's head..

The startled rainbow haired koopaling lost balance with the ball. He had to think positive. They could do it. And prioritize. Deal with interpersonal stuff later, now would endanger the world. With that he could perk right up. "Like, not that last one! We don't do anything nice, hello?" He waved around the scepter with the perfect thing in mind when there was a loud screech of metal against rock.

The tox boxes were shifting.


~The canyons, mountains, plains, and plateaus, the lowest and highest extremes of Earth result from the primordial feud of Parallelogon, god of prudence and Rapscintillation, god of indulgence, warring so intensely their demise was like a thief in the night. Before their vanquishing, Rapscintillation vowed to reward their emancipator with one wish and the pensive Parallelogon, to undo the nemesis's.

-Your Supreme Commander of the Koopa Troop, Ludwig Von Koopa.

It felt random to her, but she supposed she happened to be in the one castle chamber with a fax machine for a reason, folding it to consider later. In solitude, the princess basked in the warmth of the sun through the magenta, orange, and blue stained glass before it was back to weightier matters. She tried to get through to Daisy during the moment she had to spare, hearing her voicemail for the first time. It was recently recorded too, because if older than a year it would have predated the sinus surgery she'd gotten, and also at the discretion of some official. Stating credentials formally, without slang, she couldn't suppress her cockney accent very much. Peach wasn't sure how to parse it exactly, it was amusing, a ray of light that followed her even when she left that room. Present or not, Daisy's 'just go for it' motto was her invisible guide. It was happening.

She used the recently installed drawbridge, automated to lift and seal her castle behind her, then approached the telescope on the cannon mound.

Four o clock on the dot, her father's grossly oversized cheep cheep blimp engulfed the lot of Royal Raceway. Poshley guards let King Elderberry Toadstool out, tall, blockish head accented by a black and gold mushroom shaped crown, the sides extending to the sideburns of his dyed black beard. Diamonds twinkle from his ear lobes and matching rings near his thick knuckles, no other adornments. The moment his cog hit the pavement and he removed round shaded glasses from his aquiline nose, he thought he was boss, in his lounging look to make his daughter look foolish for overdressing comparatively. Wrong father, she hissed.

Chef Timothy had five grills smoking from Giga-carrot in the rec area of the track. The King shut the covers and apprehend the cook too late, the aroma of his most disposed food permeating castle grounds. It was totally forgotten then. A purple toad careened into the caravan with a clarinet, performing until the King plugged his ears and a guard made the Lester choke on the woodwind. The next setback was less hands on, but all the more calamitous. When Joseph applied, he assured Peach he could do anything any other toad could except hear. That was an undersell. He irrigate everything. Muddy here, nipper plants thriving there. King had to put up with a slow narrow windy path or get soiled- no other options! He tapped his foot halfway at a rock in the way, too heavy for guards to move.

"How am I. To get. Across this?!"

"Touch grass!" she called down from the cannon.

"I am! I left my palace. At your request. Did I not?" He cut across the weeds dirt patches to be upon her in moments, mockingly amiable. "Lovely decor. My daughter. Also I can see. How the Earl won that. Silver, Thursday."

A L emblem kart flew off the rainbow dropping from the clouds. Peach and most of the guards and nobles braced for the big splash in the moat. Made of cardboard it floated to the top again with the occupants. Luigi and Toad swam out, dazed as Peach ran over and hugged them like mad.

"Show him your parcel and get em outta here," Toad advised, quietly. "There's another emergency going on and-"

Grinning impishly, The King let a long scroll unroll. Peach about launched to the second moon in the sky. How did he get it? "You are done father, done?" He read back. "You will cease infusing your wicked ideas in other lands. I beseech you to dissolve your reign and live the rest of your days HERE under my supervision, lest I ruin you? I am losing control of my institutions. I am losing Mario. I have little left, so I am more than willing to go back on my promise?" He let it float gently to the driveway, whisking around in the air a scepter next.

A ball of light lifted over stunned faces and settled on an empty green plot, many acres wide, adjacent to castle grounds and the racetrack. The yard sparkled.

"My daughter, I promised I'd not be a pain in your neck. I can go back on that too. You will be one under MY supervision!"

Toad picked his jaw up. "Elderberry, that's mine already! I was never scratched off the paperwork."

"This family. Earl?" The King stepped to the side and clones of Mr. Toad, down to the lack of gender indicators, absent entirely on toads of that pedigree, arrived from the leisure route.

While their black and gold robes matched the King, their demeanor differed, skittishly ogling everything, including their long lost descendant. His eldest sibling, the Duke spoke up.

"Earl, we only wish we could rewind our drastic reaction to your behavior."

Toad fought against the jellification of his legs, "Y-yeah I figured. Hey just- over here- uh please." He motioned to be followed around the castle some.

"There was much pressure from the King, allies, other lofty ones," Duke elaborated, other Toads nodding as they trailed the two leading aristocrats. "Forgive us."

Mr. Toad kept his hands in his soggy pockets as they approached a barricade of downed trees. Since the Pillar of Understanding incident, the erosion of the hills made it impossible to reach the back yard that way and he knew that, hitting a deadend mentally as physically.

"Look, you left me in a bad place. I somehow I picked myself up and I forgive you, for my own sanity at least, but I just don't get it.."

"We were devastated!" They exclaimed. "We are a line with .0001% variance. You were given the name Toad to be the paragon of us folks, Earl."

Mr. Toad sighed out years of frustration, his family flinching when he swung around from the foliage. "Nature managed to carve out a 'freak' like me that's attracted to humans, males, despite me being ostensibly so, with a crush on one in particular with a mustache- oh and two first names. Deal with it. You can selectively breed to make us look as identical as you want but you can't regulate our personalities, behaviors, and preferences like that. That just makes you an ass-"

Something blew the heck up, so close, their ears rang. As pine cones and bits of bark rattled from the blast rain over them, Toad rose first, his blanched face glowing from orange flames.

Frantic guards scuttled downhill to Royal Raceway, the blimp on fire. Luigi's kart, or the one the Vrlrdyi Scope conjured, had drifted downstream where the C-4 was triggered from ambers of Tim's fiery grills. Precisely why one does not totally ignore such.

At the castle, "-Father.. Since your stay will be extended after all. Let's take a stroll around Star Hill. Alone."

The King cocked one eyebrow, infuriatingly impervious to the chaos.. " I oblige."

"Up here, urgently," came from a room on the mezzanine, where'd Toadsworth had been all along it seemed. He unquestionably missed nothing.

Toad, in a new change of clothes, steeled himself for the lashing, tapping on the door. "K. Right here, Toadsworth."

"If you did not pull that stunt, why, I would have tossed some dynamite myself, good chap!"

"You were a bomber in the war weren't you? "

"Worked close with the Paragoomba infantry, up until they deserted. ...Master Toad, Master Luigi is exemplary, only heed that someone of your hierarchy has not chosen an unorthodox suitor since Princess Mush IV. You may have boarded the infamous Difficulties Ahead, but you can handle it, I am equally certain."

Toad silently thanked the stars. The general reaction from staff of 'okay whatever bro' to everything he unfettered all he ever wanted. They were going to have to kick the housekeeping up a notch though, the lobby only marginally cleaned up from when Mr. Zeror used a jackhammer (sounded epic, which he could have seen it) to break into the basement.

"..Don't cry, it's…Quite alright. You will be an excellent chancellor."

Toad feared that's what that eye burning sensation was as he stared at his reflection in the polished checkerboard tiles. "Thanks… Now. Did anyone take the furniture out of that secret slide room? You've been echoing like crazy…Sam? "

He dared press into the pitch black room, a strong sour musk within. He smacked the light switch. The olive green throw Toadsworth was know to snuggle with had a lump under it, deep in the room the three stained glass panels watching over.

Toad ripped the cover from the moldy, brown spotted, curled, white haired toad, dry for some time. He staggered back, tripping over himself. "Stars! What happened to you Samuel?"

"Master Toad.. Tell no one of my body. The Jewel of the Stars, the Toadstool's tool to puppet toads for centuries, was right here in our basement until a friend became a Judas!" the disembodied voice cried. "Strike him down and retrieve it before the Jewel of Stars meets its rival, the other Jewel of Stars!"


The squawking goonies drove the snaggle toothed officer up a wall. Not a Pushy-Wall or 'Bomp', a relative to whomps like him, a.. Nevermind. Mid day Water Land was plagued with goop, unpredictable tides endangering land dwellers. It was rumored that Ice Land was melting, though he hardly gave attention to that when he was busy with local reports of property damage and injuries. Being of Snifit Patrol, not the Sameet Snufit himself, his executive decision was to delay tedious paperwork that didn't ever help anyone. Reading a wooden sign in kanji, arrows spanning four ways, he spun it 45 degrees to buy extra time when the spear guys and other islanders made rounds to nag again, in the process uncovering a missed goop splotch.

Sergeant Howie roped over one of the orange jumpsuited inmates. He obsequiously hosed with the dubious 'F.L.A.U.D.' (Flash Longitudinally Articulating Utility Drencher) on his back, no Gadd seal of approval on it to be found. The onerous clean up was up to the imitations, what the other toads were using when Yellow Toad rejoined them, spraying water in neat lines over where the beach and deep jungle greens intertwined.

"Can we discuss the Elle in the room? Aside from us being convicts," Yellow spoke up.

The Toad Brigade met in a shady spot willingly, if skeptically, by The Captains' folding arms.

"Bill, we know Stan is your father's youngest brother of nine and you weren't introduced until the Berlin Byways fell in your adulthood. What I'm asking, why do you allow him to profit from your impulse disorder?"

Banktoad turned to The Captain to his right and back. "Jörg, do I have to get into it? No one could help me and I'd gotten kicked out of my home. If Stanley, technically a semester before we found that out, offered to get me steady work, was I to say no? Of course not, another thing I struggle with." They gawked when the green toad materialized a heavy set of gold keys to a boat.

The Captain unstrapped his FLAUD, holding them high over his head as he beamed at his nephew. "William, you are the best! Let us depart and find the Darklandian Jewel of the Stars."

"Excuse me.. Um. I don't mean to give severance - I mean I promised to assist Parakarry tackle the holiday rush, but aside from that I like the ideal of this job, I just don't think how we're doing about it is- uh, right."

"Pardon?"

The purple toad lifted his focus from his sand caked boots, boring into his vexed Captain with the faintest of embers. "You're turning me into a disgrace, Captain. Zechariah, my missionary partner in Berlin, wrote me. He was heartbroken-"

"Ah. So it's religion, the same reason you excused yourself from that expedition with Miss Toadette." The Captain airily swung the keys around his finger.

"-Captain, his eleemosynary and proselytizing work aside, we all agree that taking a recess for treasure would be unwise!" Hint argued.

Bank flushed deeply, knowing he was the tiebreaker in a way and embittered, he agreed with them. When that happened The Captain reaction like they'd told him his bank account was wiped clean, keeling over into some bushes and becoming sick on the spot. His brigade let the typical mental breakdown happen, walking away when he whipped around, an over-pressured rocket nozzle aimed at them.

"Let me convince you alternatively. Heinemann, I combed over that pdf of the Lexicon on your phone.-"

"How, Captain?" he cried, paranoid.

"You don't wanna know.. This treasure grants wishes to each being that discovers it. It's what we all need, right?"

Hands up, some of the team conceded and for the one that didn't, he stormed off towards the slick island dock. The very high tide polluted anew by shifting waters, it was futile. Two joined him, one standing, the other sitting at the edge with him.

"Hey. Umm. You are welcome to visit the apiary Zechariah and I worked at. You wouldn't have to convert or anything, there's a plethora of unsolved mysteries and," he added in hush, "We pay handsomely because we're exempt from Kingdom taxes."

"How generous!" remarked Hint Toad. "Why is it that when I offered to lecture there?-"

"Because when your speech isn't redolent of a dialog box, you are of The Captain, Hint. Those are your two modes."

"That is impossible."

"Guys, stop. But thanks for the offer." Yellow Toad pat the purple spotted mailman's shoulder, getting in return a rarely seen smile. "My ramshackle plots so far make me hesitate to lend my expertise yet however."

"-The empath is the most elusive talent under the psychic umbrella!.. I did it again."

"Yes Heinemann, and we even don't get to do anything 'exciting' like make heads explode or read lottery numbers off of people." At their reaction, he quickly faced the oily waters, blanching. "Anyway our Captain, guileless as he appears, has something beyond greed pushing him at this point. If he's unable to interpret his emotions I have that limitation too. I never tried to voyeur on Bill. I respected him too much-"

Mail frowned. "You only read who you dislike? And you want to be a detective?"

Caught off guard, "No quite… It's like.. A physician has access to PHI for the sake of their job and nothing else. Therefore there my be conflicts of interest if-"

"We understand…Now what about that lackadaisical cop?" Hint suggested.

In a white and blue hammock tied between two bowed out trees, the newspaper over Sergeant Howie's head rippled from snoring. It was against his ethics to abuse it despite that earlier comment, but Yellow wanted to impress the two so: ..Sergeant Howie Nurikabe.. 58. Native Mushroomite. Joined force to escape the humdrum of being a seasonal obstacle on Bowser's golf course. Ugh.. Snifit Patrol unknowingly patronizes, reserving the easy stuff for him. He wants action, darn it. He still had it. He placed third in a national triathlon twenty years ago! Now it paid off. Someone was in danger….

Yellow Toad awoke, seeing the Whomp spring off the hammock, slap his cap on and barrel at them to save an orange capped toad women convict struggling in the swells. Mailtoad with his 'Level One Snorkel-Toad Certification' dove agilely at Yellow when he slipped, taking his arm as they plunged into murky water. A vengeful siren however, choking from the goop before then, slapped them with her tail towards an activated underwater pipe, sucking up the toads. While Hint Toad sprint down the dock wailing for help, it went black for the toads in the depths.


In hindsight the trip was rife with danger. At least neither of them were rookies. Peach and Mushroom King finessed around downed trees all the way to the jagged precipice, rewarded with a stunning view of the kingdom and restoring soul star bits, even if reduced to the slightest drizzle.

Side by side, he faced her sharply. "Whom were you. Engaged to?"

She quietly exhaled. "Like it matters now… Fine. Princess Daisy of Sarasaland."

"Ho ho.. I approve."

"You must be kidding me, father. Suuuure, and I believe you do not have your minions covertly following us."

"Of course not," he retorted in kind. "Same for you!"

The jig up, King's guards rustled bushes stepping out, worse for wear from being unadapted to the lower gravity. Luigi's entrance was his bruised up body flailing in the air from the big boo that launched him.

He rolled against the King and princess's feet, opening his bloodshot eyes. "Run!"

King Boo pushed apart two indigo trees. His blue flames made the guards scatter like ant-troopers under a microscope as he directed his glare to the Toadstools. "Bwa ha ha ha! Stranded in your unimpressive city I have amassed your worst nightmare. COMMENCE MY ARMY!"

Seemingly every tree in the forest shook at once. Luigi had climbed up by then, sputtering to Peach that his old foe had arrived a minute ago exactly. He didn't understand anything going on.

~"We..were..never..yours, eh...Now …move…you…fatty!" the hidden army droned.

Hoards of mummy-mes were unleashed. Pummeled, Peach was pulled away from her plumber pal, their hands gracing, just not enough. Swept forward she couldn't miss the mummy toads forcing her father down the bottomless abyss. He caught a branch, the monsters leaping into the void to take him down with them. One spunkier than the others, landed on his shoulders and squeezed thick his neck, strangling the mushroom ruler until he was blue than the glow of the sacred land.

Huddled helplessly, she desperately petitioned to the stars, sobbing, begging, again and-

"We cannot make that wish, killer. You are under another contract with us.."

~No. I never wanted his life. Only.. to ruin his hateful influence. That is all.. I just want him back. Please.

Forget the man you hate. I can get your MOTHER back-

What? Her heart just. Burst.

"What of a trade? Enter the depths and become the princess of the only galaxy you deserve to rule… NO? You don't trust me? Ha ha ha. You had a chance to use the wish I can furnish. Now that you forfeit, everything will be stripped from you, including the calm of death."

The next sensation for the blond princess, she was on her side, being slid from the edge by a human, rough enough to scrape her up some and ruin the gown. Daisy. She made it. She finally made it. Overwhelmed she leapt into the other princess's arms. Her father was rescued it appeared, laying tiredly on a stretcher, guards surrounding. Some of her toads were there, Luigi.. A.. koopaling? Then all of the mummy-mes and King Boo.. not entirely banished but captured in various ways. The nightmare felt over.

Daisy's voice was hoarse yet riveting, "Yo. I'm back, baby!"

Continuing to peer over the other princess's shoulder, she slowly realizes she was never leaning her side. The rest of the world was.


Author's note: I've had long term projects before, though never as authentic to my peculiar take on the Mario and co's relationships or the inner workings of their world, mixed with some etheric horror as this. If you're still hanging in here, I sincerely thank you. The next chapter is Ouroboros/ Love and War 4. It's not even a spoiler at this point is it?

-Daisy's British accent isn't entirely a headcanon. In Super Mario Compact Disco, Princess Daisy's VA rapping on 'Save me (With Your Charm)' has one.

-Saleisha came from a very old Cycle 9 of America's Next Top Model I was binging during the development of this chapter. I was like 'SALE-isha? That should be a shopkeeper's name'.

-Shout out to Mithras for the song title and Mythbusters for C-4 being used constantly in show! Also, yes that is where Hint Toad's name is borrowed from with altered spelling.

-There was an actual photographer called 'Weegee' earning the name for the similar reasons I describe in the story. Mario just happens to have a meme 'Weegee' as well so why not tie it in?

-Difficulties Ahead is the name of a vehicle you should not ever use in Mario Party 5's Random Ride minigame.

Created: 1/22/23, 23, 26. 27, 28- 2/2, 2/4, 2/8, 2/10- 2/16, 2/21-26, 3/6- 3/9, Mar10/23