June 1978 – Grand Central Station
"Angela!" Michael ran up behind Angela, and she turned right before he picked her up. "I got it!" he said smiling widely.
It took a second for her to adjust to the scene, but she quickly regained her bearing when he kissed her. Pulling back a little, she asked, "You have what?"
Michael put her down, but kept grinning. "My next assignment! You'll never believe where I'm going!"
Angela had a mix of emotion she didn't care to pin. Just ask questions. She nodded in the direction of their train, and started to walk. "Where?" She was careful to keep the tone lightly inquisitive.
"The North Slope!" he squeaked.
She blinked, "Of what?"
"Alaska!" he all but yelled, his arms wide with enthusiasm.
Angela's head whipped around to look at him directly. He turned to walk backwards so he could talk to her face. "We're tracking polar bears as they come in to the villages during bear season!"
Angela's mouth fell open a little, and she tried to split her focus between what he was saying and not stumbling. "Bear season?"
"Yeah, the natives there do subsistence hunting, and, basically, the bears come to clean up!"
This just gets better and better… She nodded slowly. Just keep asking questions. "So…is that safe?"
He looked at her like a teenager would his mom. "As much as anywhere else, Angela. Besides, we'll have a guide, and it's not like there's political unrest or anything. It's one of the states!"
Angela internally rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I heard..."
"Anyway, we leave the middle of August. These whole next two months are going to be prep. No more endless hours staring at film!"
She nodded, smiling. She was actually very happy for him about that.
"They loved the alligator short we did in the Everglades, and it opened up the purse!" He turned back around to walk normally, grabbing her hand to kiss it. "I'm telling you, Honey, if this goes well, we could be headed back to Africa." Angela just kept trying to breathe and walk at the same time. She smiled at him, and let him swing her hand as they walked.
Sitting on the train, Angela stared out the window. Things were so hectic when they'd had Jonathan, but they'd fallen into a routine. She'd get up, feed Jonathan, and get him ready for the day. He'd go to daycare. She and Michael would ride the train into Manhattan. Mona would pick up Jonathan in the afternoon. Angela and Michael would ride home from work together. He would go to the gym. Angela would get Jonathan, and pick up dinner. They'd eat, though she'd just have a bit. It would be her turn to go to the gym afterward, and she didn't want a full stomach. But she usually compensated with a bigger lunch – It's okay. Michael took care of Jonathan while she was exercising. It had taken a little getting used to, running indoors, but with her workout time being after dark now, she found it safer. The neighborhood was nice, but the probability for a twisted ankle grew with the shadows. Since Michael wanted a gym membership, anyway, it worked out.
They'd spend the last hour or two of their day before bed at home. Sometimes they'd talk, but mostly, she'd work on her docket for the next day and make sure her clothes and hair were ready to go. Michael usually didn't have work in the evening, and she'd ask him to watch Jonathan so she could get hers done.
Angela let out a breath, just thinking about it.
Some nights, she'd look up from her notes, or after she'd turned off her hairdryer, and see Michael playing happily with their son. But Michael was often irritated, and every time, she was nervous to ask him to do it. Often, Michael would interrupt and try to make conversation while she was trying to take care of what she had to do. She usually tried to do both, but found herself getting more and more frustrated – not that she'd let him know. Things were hard enough without adding open fighting to the mix.
Mallory came in a few times a week to keep the place livable. Mostly, things weren't too tumultuous. As long as Michael got to work out, he was much less irritable. Angela was only a little surprised to find that life had actually gone pretty smoothly this past spring when he'd gotten the Florida assignment. It was barely more than a month, but she'd noticed her nerves weren't quite so raw, and she could just prioritize all the many things on her plate, sans guilt. Michael would call, happy as a clam, and be quite affectionate and sexy. He came home Memorial Day weekend, and they'd had a wonderfully relaxing time. We're a great vacation family, she thought sarcastically.
She looked up at Michael, reading the Times with an arm around her. He still had a smile on his face. From now until he gets back, at least it'll be less lonely.
That night at dinner, Angela thought it a good time to throw out a line. "Michael, what do you think about us getting into a house now? You've got this great assignment coming up, and it sounds like prospects are good…What if we just start looking?"
Michael slanted his jaw, waiting to take another bite. "I mean, I guess it wouldn't hurt to see what's available." He forked a piece of broccoli. "I'm going to be pretty busy these next couple months." Sensing the look she was giving him, he amended himself. "Yeah, I know, we're always busy…I guess we could check it out." He looked up at her cautiously, "You, uh, still happy at your job?"
The smile that had been growing on her face quickly dropped. "Yes," she said definitively. "And I don't see that changing any more than you changing your opinion on film editing."
"Alright," he said in almost good-natured irritation. He reached over to lightly rub Jonathan's head bobbling in the high chair. "Looks like you're getting a yard, little man."
Angela tipped up a half smile, that being as close to the right response as she could make herself get. That burns me so much. All of a sudden, he pays attention to Jonathan when he's in a good mood. She dipped another baby spoonful into the Gerber jar in front of her, and brought it to Jonathan's mouth.
"He sure is eating a lot more these days. I think he's going to finish this jar," she mentioned, hoping Michael would be interested.
Michael looked at him. "Probably going through a growth spurt," he said, taking another bite of food.
Angela smiled, "Yeah." That was a cool thing for him to notice.
"So, what do you say, I put him to bed early, you can take a bath or something, and we spend a little quality time together?" he smiled at her in question.
She was, again, torn. I love that he's offering to put the baby down, but he's only seen him for a few minutes. She didn't like feeling judgmental - but he made it so easy! I haven't even gotten to work out yet. And as much she wanted him to want her, it was starting to feel like that's all he wanted. Actually, all other things being equal, I'm starting to see his point... "I'd really like a chance to get to the gym."
He rolled his eyes, "You look great. Come on," he pleaded.
Damn, I love that he thinks that. She smiled at him like she was trying to pry him off gently. "Well, so do you, but going to the gym still helps you."
He sighed, and then smiled suggestively. "Okay, how about this? I'll put him to bed. You go to the gym, and we can have the rest of the night together?" He took her hand, and laced his fingers through hers. "Just, maybe, don't use up all your sweat on the treadmill?"
Angela looked at her husband. She had a meeting tomorrow morning, and she wasn't done preparing. But a night with him was sounding really nice. The way he was looking at her made her start to imagine his hands around her waist, and her thighs, picking her up… "Okay!" she said brightly. "I'll hurry."
I'll get up early.
August 1978 – Fairfield, CT
"Oh, would you please be careful with that one?" Angela said to the movers as they jostled a giant box up the stairs. "Thanks," she smiled. She had Jonathan on her hip, and had spent all Saturday morning directing the men where to put stuff. When they put the box down in her and Michael's room, she told them, "I've ordered pizza for lunch, if you're hungry. It's in the kitchen." They all hurried out to get their lunch. "Thank you for setting up the table and chairs!" she called after them.
Angela looked around their room, envisioning all the pretty furnishings she'd have. She let out a little laugh. I can't believe it! I finally have a house! And Michael likes it, too. He'd been so hesitant to buy anything, but this house was so charming, even he couldn't say no. Her mother had tipped her off to it, having seen it was for sale. Michael liked that they were farther from the city, their joint commute being one of his favorite parts of the day. Angela didn't like the added distance as much, but the benefits still heavily outweighed the disadvantages. No more cigarette smoke coming in through the cracks. No more shared laundry room – well, Mallory did the laundry, but Angela was still happy to have machines solely dedicated to their family. No more neighbors' noise after she put Jonathan down. No more hearing her neighbors above her use the bathroom. They had their own place, and she could just breathe.
And while she felt a little ambivalent about it, she couldn't help but be encouraged by the extra commitment. Legally binding oneself to a 30 year relationship with a bank was a big deal, and Michael had signed on. With all the hullabaloo that usually went down between the two of them, she found him following through with this undeniably steadying. But that, in and of itself, felt a little unsettling up against the lifetime commitment they'd already made.
Still, they'd both agreed to it. She remembered the look on his face when he walked in the first time. He'd stared at the open rock face and the elegant staircase, the solid wood swinging door and the stone fireplace. He'd laughed and come up to her and Jonathan, and given her a long hug. Kissing her forehead, he'd smiled and said, "You were right. This is a good thing."
For a while, things had been dreamy. They were both excited to start making this place theirs. But as the expedition approached, he'd become increasingly busy and tense. Those sweet moments became few and far between. But Angela would often go back in her mind, and think of that first day looking at the house with him. He was happy. With us. With our future. I saw it. Sometimes I think he just doesn't know what we could have.
Now, dancing around their new room with Jonathan, she stopped and gave him an Eskimo kiss. "It'll be alright, Baby." He grabbed her nose with his chubby hand. "Yeah..." she cooed.
Each time they approached their departure dates, Michael's team worked weekends. But with all the impending excitement, he didn't usually mind. So, even though this trip had been more chaotic, when he came home that night in a foul mood, Angela was caught a little off guard.
"They messed up our reservations, and it's pushed us out two weeks! Two weeks! And since 'we're all ready to go', we'll be spending that whole time organizing the bin." He walked in, with a six pack of beers, one already open. He went straight to the kitchen, and saw the major appliances still in their boxes. "The fridge isn't hooked up? Great! Just what I need…" He dumped the five remaining cans on the counter, and turned around, leaning against it.
Angela bounced Jonathan upright in her arms, gently rubbing the back of his head with her right hand. She made shushing noises and smiled at him, joining Michael in the kitchen. Still in her mommy voice looking at Jonathan, Angela challenged, "Michael, would you please stop yelling?"
"I'm over here, Angela!" he barked, waving his hands tauntingly at her. "Remember me? The guy you married?"
Angela looked up at Michael, brows dropped. She spoke just as low, but soft. "Stop yelling. I'm right here. I don't want to scare Jonathan." She continued to bounce him as she stood there.
Michael plunked his empty can on the counter, and popped another. "Would you please try to focus on me for a second? Just this once? This is a big deal! It's not just that we've got a two-week sentence in an 85° basement! Now, all our wiggle room and on-site prep time is completely gone. We still have to set up our tents and equipment when we get there. It's not like we can start shooting as we deboard!"
Angela strove for patience. "I know this is a setback, and the bin really does sound awful, but please don't yell. I'm hearing you."
"It's not just a 'setback', Angela. We're behind at least 2 actual shooting days, because it's going to take that long to set up even minimal equipment. The footage we could lose is irreplaceable! The bears don't wait! I have been wanting to film the arctic since I was a teenager, and the Africa expedition is riding on the success of this one. These trips are all timed with as much precision as your ad campaigns are, and this is way more important!"
Angela stopped bouncing Jonathan. She looked at Michael, and moved the baby to her hip. I don't think I'll ever get used to the way he hurts me. He took another long sip of beer.
She spoke quietly, "What do you want from me? Do you want me to fix it? Why are you in here yelling at me?"
"No! I just want to be able to go to my own home, and not have to censor myself! This has been a really shitty day! But it wouldn't kill you to care more about something going on with me, than if the baby is 'disturbed'!"
Angela could feel tears start around her eyes, and she looked away. She didn't need those judged, too. She looked at Jonathan, who was sucking on his fist, and rubbed his back.
"Ugh! See! Nothing I say matters to you! You're terminally disinterested!" Michael finished his second can, and put it on the counter.
Angela looked up at him, and a tear trickled down her cheek. She said softly, "Do you love me at all?"
"Now I don't love you? I've given up everything for you! I never wanted to be tied down, but you did, so I agreed. For you! Of course, I love you! What do I have to do? Write it on the fucking house?" He snatched a permanent marker from his cargo pocket, and marched to the fridge wall. "Michael loves Angela - There you go! Look! It's a billboard! Maybe it'll mean something to you now!" He grabbed another beer, and stormed out the back door.
Angela stood there, holding their son, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. She stared at the wall, wondering how things had gotten so bad.
