Addendum 6.2 – "Savor the Veal 'pt. 4'"
April 1993 – Branford, IA
The packing tape screeched as it stretched across a box, and Tony smoothed it out as flat as his smile.
"Here, lemme get that one, buddy," Ned offered and reached for it with the arm that wasn't holding another.
"Oh, that's okay, there, Ned. This one's-" Tony looked up just as Ned hoisted it to his left shoulder, "got a ton'a books in it," he drifted weakly. A brief chuckle escaped him, "How'd you do that?"
"Things aren't always what they seem."
Tony acknowledged the statement with his eyebrows and then patted Ned's tummy, "I guess you're right, pal. Thanks."
Ned smiled and carried the boxes out the front door, "Be right back."
Tony threw a backward nod and put his hands on his hips, taking one last gander around the empty room. He stopped on the fireplace, and the next couple minutes he spent there took increasing toll on his face.
Walking over to it, he ran his hands along the intricately carved mantel. A light, but noticeable, layer of dust smeared over his fingers, and he rubbed them on his jeans, "I sure let this place go to seed."
He shook his head and turned toward the bedroom.
Three boxes rested atop the recently-stripped, queen-sized bed. Tony piled them on top of each other and lifted from the bottom.
"Tony?"
"In here, Ned!"
Ned came in and took the top box out of Tony's line of sight.
"Thanks, bud."
"So, Coach. Can I ask you somethin'?"
"Sure."
"Why are you so down? I thought you wanted to leave."
"I do. I do." Tony shrugged, "I want to be with Angela."
Ned nodded solemnly.
Several seconds went by before Tony put his boxes down. He looked straight at Ned. "But I messed things up, and I don't know if Angela wants to be with me anymore."
Ned tipped his head, considering, and put his box down, too. "Well, if you have an amends to make…"
"I tried!"
"We can't control how someone else responds. We can just be honest about ourselves. Take it one day at a time."
Tony scrunched his face and murmured, "Thanks."
Ned nodded, and Tony stared at the empty bed.
Looking off into the distance, Ned started rubbing his bushy mustache. "So, you don't know if she wants you, and you're walking away from a sure thing."
Tony sighed, "Yeah."
"Well… how important is she?"
Tony looked up without hesitation, "She's everything to me."
Ned gave a sad smile, "It doesn't sound like you're gonna be happy here, dude."
"I don't even know if she'll let me be with her now. I don't think she trusts me."
"Do you get why?"
"Huh?"
"Well, she's a reasonable person. Do you understand where she's coming from? Why she's mad at you?"
"I don't think we understand each other at all. I'm kinda mad at her, too. I thought we could bond over something bad we both did, but she doesn't see it that way."
Ned squinted, "I would caution you against taking someone else's moral inventory."
Tony paused, then looked at him, "AA?"
Ned nodded.
Tony's face acquiesced, and Ned nudged him further. "I don't know if she understands your side, but it doesn't sound like you understand hers."
Tony shrugged dramatically, "We had a couple big talks, and they just turned into fights! Now, she's madder than ever."
"Can I give you advice?"
Tony scoffed, "Why stop now?"
Ned gave a sheepish smile, "Sorry, Coach. Sometimes I overstep."
Tony lopped up half a smile, and Ned continued, "If she's that important to you, maybe you need to keep digging."
"I don't think it'll do any good, Ned! We're already mad at each other for the diggin' we've already done, and I don't know how we'll even get past that. It's like we're not even speakin' the same language!"
Ned squeezed Tony's shoulder, "You're undefeated, Coach. That's not cuz it wasn't hard."
April 1993 – San Jose International Airport, CA
An electric blue Corvette zipped through the pick-up lanes, and Angela waved her arm excitedly. This was long overdue. Why do I wait 'till I'm in crisis to connect?
Emily pulled up to the curb and stepped her high heels out of the car one limb at a time. She rounded the grill with impressive speed, arms outstretched, "Eeeee!".
Angela met her cheer and raised her one, closing all remaining space with a tight hug, "I'm so happy to see you!" Pulling back, she still held on, "Thank you for coming to get me."
"Of course! It's been ages! Come on, let's get your stuff in the back." She looked down at Angela's bag. "A duffel? Sneakers?" She popped up a bewildered smile, "…Well, aren't you a little country cutie!"
"It's a long story."
Emily's slate blue eyes shone as brightly as they ever did, "I look forward to hearing it."
April 1993 – Chicago, IL
Tony sat at a high, circular table, staring at nothing in the direction of the gas station's Slurpee machine. Without blinking, he took another enormous bite of hot dog and chewed miserably.
A pretty, young redhead in a cropped shirt pulled a paper cup and started filling it in front of him. She turned around to see Tony's frozen face and smiled. Swallowing with a gigantic gulp, Tony took a long, forceful sip of his own drink, snatched his trash, and spun toward the payphone.
He dumped his trash in the receptacle and called collect.
"Haaallo," Mona hollered happily into the receiver. She shoved a handful of popcorn in her mouth and didn't look away from her TV show.
"Hey, Mona," Tony's forced cheer tried to get through the line. "How's it goin'?"
"Great!" she said through mouthful of corn. "I've got the tube to myself, and my soon-to-be son-in-law is comin' home!"
"Uh-yeah," Tony sighed. "About that..." He stuck his blue tongue far out of his mouth and examined it in the dim reflection of the window in front of him.
Mona's gaze rose from the TV, and she finished swallowing. "About what?"
Tony let out another breath and closed his eyes, "I don't know, Mone. We had some fights and Angela left. Is she home yet?"
"No." Mona dropped her feet to the floor, "She left a message on the machine saying she was going to Stanford first."
"Stanford? California!?"
"I'm assuming," Mona dried out. "What happened with you two?"
Tony rubbed his forehead, "Lots o' stuff. Big stuff. It all came out, and Angela got mad and left." He petulantly dropped his head to the side, "What the hell is she doing in California?"
"Woah, boy. I don't know, but-"
"I just left the biggest opportunity of my life, and I don't even know if she wants me anymore!"
A few seconds went by.
"You can't be serious. Tony." She looked into the receiver, "Are you in there?"
Tony rolled his eyes, "Where would I go, Mona?"
"I guess I should be asking Angela that question, since you aren't coughin' anything up."
Tony threw another eyeroll but didn't say anything.
Mona took a few seconds but sobered significantly. "Tony, what happened?"
He sighed again, seeming to catch her quieted vibe, "I talked with Michael."
"Oh, no. That's never good news."
"Yeah, well, he… got me concerned. About what Angela thinks is okay in a marriage."
"Tony, you didn't," Mona hoped.
"I did," Tony sighed. "…But you know, I think I still would. I had questions, Mona, and they were good ones! But she didn't take it well and jumped all over me, bringin' up Kathleen-"
"Oh, shit-" Mona's fallen head mumbled.
Tony kneaded his forehead roughly, "Yeah, well, somewhere along the way, what I thought was okay in my own marriage got brought up… and I uh- I needed to come clean with Angela. So, I did. But she won't do it back!"
"Huh?"
"She won't say what she did to Michael was wrong, too!"
"Are you kidding me?"
Tony didn't say anything.
"You really tried to get her to say she was wrong? Tony! You were married. You never learned that was stupid?"
Tony ground his teeth but didn't answer.
"You don't even know what happened with them!"
"How do you know?" he finally bit back.
"One, because she's in California, and you're having this conversation with me. And two, because she was only there for a day! There's no way she could've brought you up to speed by then. And you sure didn't understand it before, or you never would've said what you did!"
"Mona, I was here for it! She was dating Grant my first night on the job!"
"Do you know why?"
Tony thought for a second, "I think I remember her saying somethin' about him being a good dancer… What difference does it make? She was married!"
Mona slapped her palm against her forehead, "You really don't get it."
"No, you two really don't get it! What do marriage vows mean if you can just break 'em when you're sick'a the other person? I have that level of commitment with some guy on the bus!"
"What's got you in such a tizzy?"
"I'm scared, Mona! I cheated Marie, bad!"
"Mmm."
"And I feel like a real toad. But Angela's not even sorry for doin' it to Michael!"
Light as a feather, Mona offered, "Then maybe it's not the same situation."
Tony breathed a couple times, "I don't get how that makes a difference."
"A sure-fire way to know you don't know, then, huh?"
"Even if that were true - and I'm not sayin' it is! - how do I find out? She didn't leave me a number. I didn't even know she was in California!" Tony started breathing fast and pulled repeatedly at the collar of his t-shirt.
"Yeah, it sounds like she doesn't want to talk to you right now. But, you know, other people were there back then. Now, I wouldn't go dragging Jonathan through that, but I could tell you a little bit."
Tony kept breathing, but he stopped pulling at his shirt.
"Okay," he finally said.
Mona sat back, deep into the couch cushions.
"Tony… I've never seen anyone swing so high and low as Angela did with Michael. I was an idiot, trying to push her into his arms whenever he was available, thinking that would somehow turn the dolt's head. But it never did. It was mind boggling! Angela, my showstopping daughter, falling all over herself to keep Michael's attention, and him always looking for something more interesting. I've-" Mona shook her head, "I've just never seen anything like it. In my experience, a little active participation – and it was obvious to anyone with eyes, she was wanting to give him more than a little – and the man is hooked. But Michael was always ready to leave. And that was nothing compared to when he was here. Sometimes, she'd be confident and sassy, and I'd smile and think she was doing just fine. Truth be told, that's what I'd wanted to believe. …But then I'd see her when she didn't think I saw her. I saw her dead, swollen eyes, anxiously avoiding looking at me."
Tony looked up slowly.
"I'd see her eat herself up a dress size or two, then rack her brain trying to figure out why. I'd see her bolt to get away from everyone, including me. I'd see her tuck herself into her work and then not even get to celebrate when it went well so she didn't upset him." Mona shook her head, then squinted and looked up in front of her, "...Something weird happened on this one vacation they'd had. Michael was beaten to a pulp, and for months after that, I only saw Angela for a few seconds at a time. She wouldn't tell me anything!"
Mona swallowed and then blinked a few times. "She hadn't told me anything in a long time...But I'd see," her voice started to waver. "Sometimes, I'd see her scamper around like a puppy, all excited to see him one day, and the next, she'd have a look of such deep unhappiness that I'd hand over Jonathan, shut my door, and cry. Watching your kid go through that rejection, Tony, time after time... You might look down on it, but I was rejoicing when she'd started going out with that boss of hers. Yeah, it was a little risqué, but she'd needed some'a that! She'd lived her whole life by the book, and she'd needed to bust out! Michael would never want her the way a man is supposed to want his wife, his family. He wanted her when he was good and ready and none before - then he's the one who'd get sick of it and leave; not her. And he did it over and over and over again."
Tony sighed into a clearly timid response. "I hear ya, Mone. But he was working, wasn't he?"
"Michael was miserable when he was home, Tony. He was fine to not be with her most of the time and was excited to get away. Does that sound like just a job thing?"
Tony swallowed and stared past the Big Gulp window sticker to his jeep beyond, "…No."
"See, Tony, I saw my girl go from an awkward teenager to a rising corporate star. But one Christmas morning, we had a dear family friend die right in front of us. He was very special to Angela, and it undid her. She was with Michael almost instantly and inseparably after that. …I think she needed something to deaden the pain."
Tony's eyes dropped down to the side and his mouth opened.
"I'd never taught her how to let people in when you're hurting. I didn't know, myself, for a long time. I told you how I went bonkers when my husband died - I didn't know what I was supposed to do! And there was a lot of pleasing options in front of me, I tell ya! - way more pleasing than staring at all the responsibilities I knew I was failing at." Mona's risen eyebrows and shaking voice got very thin, "Well, Michael was what was in front of Angela."
Tony held his whole forehead in his other hand.
"Her taking care of herself was a responsibility she wasn't ready to face. And she and Michael seemed intense; it was probably the perfect distraction. Well, things went very fast, very quickly, and she tried everything to keep her savior propped up. But he was just an ideal, Tony. Michael didn't want to be married with a baby, and she didn't want someone who didn't want her and their baby. Who'd want to be in a situation like that? So, she tried to make him want them."
Tony's eyes squinted.
"This one night I came home, and she tore outta here like there was no tomorrow. She didn't leave a note. She didn't call. But Michael did, from Texas. That gutless pig had scared her to death and wanted my help tracking her down!" She let out a high-pitched laugh. "I was almost glad I didn't know where she was. Well, I waited up all night at the kitchen table, the phone not two inches away." She shook her head, "Nothing. I woke the next morning to the phone ringing." Mona scoffed, "It was Angela, sure enough, still trying to keep up that brave front like she wasn't all alone and scared out of her mind. But I could hear it. I could hear it in that snooty, corporate voice she uses to push everyone away."
Tony looked to the side again.
"And that fear got even louder when I told her about Michael having called. She accidently dropped her guard, and... it hurt so bad, I'd almost wished she hadn't. She was scared, Tony. I didn't know exactly why, but I'll never forget how far away she felt. And I couldn't get to her! I couldn't help her!" Mona dragged her whole forearm across her eyes and sniffed. "Well, a couple days later, she comes home, happy as a clam, glommed onto Michael's arm, and tells me they're getting married. That wee little man had gotten my daughter pregnant and then had her running for dear life, all the way from Texas! Call me paranoid, but I'm not thinking he flew in and belted out a proposal on the other side of whatever door my baby had barricaded herself behind! She'd begged that man to marry her, I know it."
Tony dropped his head down to his chest and closed his eyes.
Mona shook her head angrily, "Then, she had the nerve to try and convince me how scared he'd been? Shit! What a loser. I saw through him the minute I met him."
She took a few deep breaths and her voice lightened, "But she chose him. And I didn't want to believe that I could ever have left her so vulnerable that she'd do this to herself. So, I started to tell myself the same thing she'd been telling herself - to just give it time; he'd come around. He'd see what he'd been given. But he never did. After they were married, Angela tried to pretend Michael did want her and Jonathan. But he didn't, not really. I watched their marriage for years, and Tony, it was the most depressing soap opera I've ever seen."
Tony's voice was small, "I can't even imagine someone not wanting her."
The frailty of Mona's presence started to harden again, and she made another productive sniff.
"Yeah, well, like I said, when she'd finally had enough and dropped Jonathan off for her first date with her boss - honest to God, Tony, I danced and sang around my apartment!"
Several seconds went by.
"I don't want her to be unhappy, Mone," Tony's even tinier voice reached.
"There ya are, bub," Mona coughed out a smile and wiped her eye again. "I knew you were still in there."
He was quiet. "I don't know about that. Talkin' to both'a ya, it doesn't sound like she's been much happier with me - and I don't think she trusts me now."
"Well, you could look into that, ya know? Do your research, Teach! I mean, if you two were talking about Kathleen and Marie… Tony, you need to understand this. And find out why she would sleep with her boss, if it's buggin' you so bad. Ask the questions you don't want to. I mean, is she worth that to you?"
"Well, of course she is!" Tony's defeated head twisted to the side, "But I'm not playin', Mona - things are really bad!"
"You don't get to know if it'll fix it, smarty pants. You just get to know that that's the only thing that could."
Tony let out a long, steady exhale, "Okay. Thanks."
"You bet. And don't screw this up, Tony. My daughter loves you."
His eyebrows went up, "I love her, too."
Mona's dark red lips smiled sadly into the receiver, "I know."
He nodded and sighed, "Talk to you soon."
"You'd better."
Tony smiled and hung up. Sighing again, he turned around to see the Slurpee girl sitting in his vacated seat, staring at him, bold as can be.
Narrowing his eyes, he turned around and dug in his pocket for some quarters. He popped a few in and dialed quickly.
"Ay-yo, Philly. It's me, Tony."
Tony rolled his eyes. "Yes, that Tony. And don't call me that; it's weird."
He propped his elbows up on the mini cubicle surrounding the phone and rested his weight on top, "Listen, I need a favor. All's I got's a name and a last-known location, but I need some info and fast. If I give you the number of the place I'll be at in Detroit, can you call me with whatever you find?"
Tony swallowed and squinted out at the laden trailer behind his jeep, "Grant Paxton. Lake George, New York."
