The document was perfect, the symbol of his lifetime of service. No words could be better put to paper to better express his contempt for them, from their inscrutable and unfathomable evils as they touched the Warp itself. To their byzantine and twisted plans that likes of which no mortal mind should be forced to contemplate in these dark times. To their insufferable pride that dared to speak down to the Imperium.
Eldar: The hubris of an open mind
He flickered through the pages of the pamphlet as it recounted a hundred tales fit for any aspiring officer to know. Their shadowy tactics that befuddled minds, their cowardice as they fled from an honest fight. Their scheming ways laid bare for all to see.
The idioms were succinct and to the point, the wording enlightening even as it adhered to doctrine. Perfection in every way until he had refined it to an artform.
"Stop printing it, everyone off." The voice thundered through his domain as another dared speak against their place. Interfering with the God Emperors will made manifest through his own wisdom, to even try to corrupt his inner sanctum. He raised from his seat full of all the fire he ever needed.
Storming across the room he accosted the child who dared defile his sanctum. The brat lucky he wasn't being shot for heresy for aiding the enemies of the Imperium.
A missive was presented still in its seal, and he almost tossed it aside in contempt. The young cadet was a nobody, who was he to stop his grand work as… the seal on the missive came from the High Lords themselves marked with the highest seal possible alongside another he didn't quite recognise but niggled somewhere at the back of his mind.
He gestured and in moments it was in his hands and he was reading it.
By Imperial Decree
Long have our two great Empires struggled to contain the corruption of Chaos, and in the Emperors name I recognise their achievements and goodwill that they shalt be considered our most stalwart allies in our attempts to push back the darkness.
I hereby declare an alliance between the Imperium of Man and the Eldar that we both stand stronger together.
Rouboute Gulliman
He reread it again in horror at the forgery, and glared at the young cadet. Was he an idiot? To dare fake the seal of one of the God Emperors lost sons and attach it to such a document. But even as he moved to speak he saw the door, blue armour unmistakable as an Astartes entered the room.
He presented it expecting the cold rebuke as the marine showed this upstart his place, yet it did not come. The marine instead brimming with excitement as he spoke. "It is true and our progenitor walks the world once more to save the Imperium in its darkest hour."
He was aghast at the implication. Did the Primarch not know how the world had changed, or had he in fact been taken in by their foul lies?
Rewrite his masterpiece, befuddle the truth to tell a thousand innocent worlds that perhaps they might even lie? "What am I supposed to even write to make them more palatable, the Eldar are twisted scheming malevolence incarnate and you would have me write that they are instead perhaps merely slightly misunderstood."
"Should I say their shadowy deceptive tactics were actually wisdom and good operational security.
"Is their cowardice in the face of an honest battle now just a slightly healthier sense of self preservation.
"Perhaps they touch the warp and open their minds to its horrors not because they are blinded fools but as a show of courage and perseverance in the face of the greatest of all enemies.
"Perhaps you would even have me declare that it was the Emperor who told them to flee the Ancient Aeldari Empire during their fall and guided them through the warp that they could stand alongside us, and that they recognised their saviours light upon meeting one of his sons and have finally joined in with the Imperial Truth."
The Astartes looked on stoically, "I see why he had this job."
The ensign nodded back. "The propaganda department is full of people like him, without them it would never work."
But he was not done. "If we rehabilitate the Eldar then who next? Does he not know what happened last time when we tried this with the Tau? We were all going on about how their naïve mindful ways left them exposed to the brutal hard truths of the galaxy and then it turned out people were into that. Hundreds of planets defected in those days and we had to rewrite our whole propaganda to make them seem less appealing."
"Perhaps the Orks are now a proud warrior race just waiting for the right leadership to direct them to the battlefield in the Emperors name. We'll call it Yarrick's Waaaaagh and he can stand up on Armageddon and announce a right proper fight for the Orks to follow him into."
"Or the Necron's are just a tad grumpy over being woken up so recently and once they've cleared their heads they'll be all up for teaming up against the Tyranids and fighting the good fight alongside us all."
The ensign looked back at him sheepishly. "We have no orders for the Necrons, and I don't think the Primarch has even been told the Tau exist yet and won't be for quite a while. But well about the Orks, it seems the Eldar are pretty keen on getting some of them into the alliance too, saying it dates back a while but they always used to be able to count on them."
He felt nothing but contempt and it must have shown on his face, for the man beat a hasty retreat, even as the Astartes followed him away.
He looked over his work, a masterpiece thrown away even as the words came to him. Not a small lie for those were questionable things.
Today alongside our ancient allies the Aeldari we have once again struck a blow against the forces of darkness. The Emperor's Son Rouboute Gulliman stands once more alongside his ancient friends the Council of Farseers and now acts as their guiding light, and in the frenzy that has ensured the Great Enemy has been struck a mortal blow that covers an entire segmentum.
Woe be to any who are foolish to stand against the eternal light of the Emperor, for all they can do against such a force is tremble knowing that all their dark plans will come to nought.
He eyed the opening paragraph, for a moment and nodded. It was good enough for a start.
AN: Well I wrote something more for this, alas it has less Orks and can therefore never truly encompass the greatness of the last chapter.
Yeah this place is just for unconnected oneshots to laugh at Imperial Propaganda so even then it still fits.
