Hello everyone! So sorry it's been a bit since I updated. Writer's block is BRUTAL! I started this chapter 4 months ago, and literally JUST finished it, edited it, and put it out this week!
Oh, by the way, Happy Ramiversary! It's been 12 - yes TWELVE - years since Ricky proposed to Amy at Graduation! Can you believe it? It feels like so long ago, yet not that long at the same time. Makes me miss them even more! :'(
"Ow!" He yelped, pulling his arm back forcefully, puckering in his lip as he yelled from the kitchen, "Daddy - Em-ma jus bite me!" His eyes hardened at his sister, taking her tiny wrist in his hand, growling at her, "Say you sworry!"
She started to cry, which in turn made his father hang his head and sigh loudly, "John, leave her alone - eat your breakfast!"
Releasing his grip, he jumped off the chair he was sitting in, knocking over his half-finished bowl of cereal in the process, "No! I wanna see Mommy!" Stepping directly into the mess of milk droplets falling off the table, with his head cocked and lips pursed, John asked in a whiny voice, "Wh-en s-she jus c-omin o-ver my hwouse?" Ricky didn't answer, just kept rifling through the drawers in search of something. Emma let out an irritated and pitiful howl, grabbing at his arm again with her painful pinching fingers. "Owww!" He cried back at the unprovoked action, shoving her hand away as his breathing became rougher and his temper rose, "Sto-op it! You asshwole!"
"John!" Ricky boomed, slamming the drawer he was done looking through with a gruff sigh. He knew it was too early for him to get this aggravated, but not getting any sleep because he was confused about the situation with Amy, and having to be up with their screaming, teething infant, since the pleasurable hour of 2 a.m., didn't exactly make him Mr. Cheerful.
Looking over to them, he craned his head up to the ceiling, taking slow inhales through his nose to combat his rising frustration at the mess littered under his son's feet, while he just stood there knowingly. Going into the kitchen, he grabbed a half-full bottle off the counter, giving it to his daughter's outstretched hand, as he guided his son back to the chair he was previously seated in, with the other. Ricky's tone softened, letting go of John's hand and running his fingers through the buzzed hair by his ears, "I don't know when mommy is coming, buddy, please just sit and - " a knock at the door interrupted him. Checking the clock above the stove to see it was almost 8, he quickly bolted back to the living room, throwing open one of the last two remaining drawers of the bookshelf in a frenzy. The knocking continued, making him roll his eyes at who he knew was George, messing with him. Not even bothering to go over and see for himself, he just loudly shouted out, "Come in!"
With a hesitant turning of the knob, the old wood creaked, and it wasn't George who stood inside the frame.
His eyes widened at the person, a strange, nervousness washing over him, "Oh... hi..."
She giggled lightly, raising her brow playfully at his slightly rough appearance, "Hey. Rough morning?"
A small smirk crossed his lips, jerking his head as a signal to join him, "You could say that. Come in."
His feet pivoted a hare, lips parting to speak, just as a loud squeal bounced off the walls, and the tot came barreling into her legs, knocking Amy into him. "Mommyyyyyy!" The smile spanned John's entire face in joy at seeing her, looking up at him and declaring proudly, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy is hwere!"
Ricky matched his smile before returning to the task at hand, "I see that, John."
Picking him up, Amy ran her fingers across the back of his head and kissed his cheek, "Yea, sorry, I was going to call... phone died and I can't find the charger... Is that a problem?" She asked with a tiny lilt of hesitation in her voice, watching him rifle through the drawers.
He shook his head nonchalantly, "No. It's fine." Roughly closing another drawer.
Her brow rose instinctively, knowing something was bothering him, "You okay?"
After a few seconds of tension-filled silence, he relented and shook his head, "Not really - You remember that preschool thing we went to a few months ago? The one where we filled out that packet of paperwork?" She nodded. "Well, they called this morning, reminding us that his registration meeting is today." He continued, throwing open the last drawer, "And of course, I can't find the freaking paperwork! And I have to call off work yet again because it'll just kill them to do it over the phone or when I get off!" His hands stilled, palms pressed against the wood, looking down and realizing how angry he sounded, "... Sorry. I didn't mean to unload on you. It's just been a rough-"
"Weekend?" She finished, nodding at his sigh as she stepped past him and went into the kitchen. The baby immediately started whining, putting both arms up for her rescue. Putting the boy on his feet, she popped the highchair tray off and unbuckled the tired infant, "I get it. Have you called my dad? See if maybe he could take him?"
Putting a discarded pacifier on the coffee table, "Your dad is taking Emma for the day - she's been... difficult the last few days." He looked up at her, tossing a purple teething ring underhanded at her.
Catching it, she handed it to Emma's grabby, slobber-covered hands, shifting her weight on her hip, "Okay, well... I can take him?"
"You?" Ricky scoffed unintentionally, and realizing what he had done tried to walk it back with a fake cough - which she caught. "You sure? You just got back into town - aren't you jetlagged?"
"I thought we were cohesive co-parenting?" Amy pursed her lips, eyes hardening at him, "I can handle my kid, Ricky. Heck, I can even take Emma if you want." Emma shrieked in her ear, tugging on the teether in between her teeth, aggressively. "Yeah, mommy can handle you too, huh?" She tugged on the toy again, kicking her legs. "What are you so worried about?" The frown on his face was evident as to why he was being so weird with her in this exchange - the corner of his mouth shifting down to further explain his reasoning without having to say what was bothering him - he didn't trust her.
Clicking her tongue, her lips parted, eyes lowering in hurt, "Oh, I see..." Knowing he messed up again, Ricky just sighed and watched her take their children down the hallway, turning around only to coldly respond with, "Check the top of the linen closet, they might be up there." Before the door closed roughly.
"You're late," She stated, looking up from the clipboard to see him walking through the door with an apron in hand.
Putting it over his head, he nodded and quickly tied it behind his back, "I know, sorry. George was late picking up the kids this morning."
Shoving the clipboard aside, she clicked her tongue and raised her brow quizzically, "Uh huh... so what's Amy doing here?" He remained silent, picking up a box off the counter. She followed, "Is she staying?" Continuing to stand there until he answered.
Knowing he'd never get a second of peace if he didn't conjure up some sort of response, Ricky furrowed his brow and deadpanned, "We'll see..." cutting his eyes down as he sighed at his boss, "Things are... complicated... to say the least. "
Nodding, Bunny let out a chuckle, "Clearly. Clementine probably didn't take your ex being back very well, did she?"
"How did you -" His eyes widened in shock that she knew such things before remembering that Bunny watched the security tapes every day when she got in. Blowing out a breath, he simply stated the obvious, "No. No, she didn't. " Walking into the freezer, he returned a minute later to her still standing there, tapping her index finger to her chin with an accusatory glare. His brow rose slightly, cautious of her version of 20 questions he didn't feel like answering.
Work was supposed to be an escape from the never-ending drama that was his life - or at least it used to be before Hurricane Amy came back into it.
"What's going on with you two?"
His lips parted slightly, eyes staying on the clipboard now in his hands, "You mean other than sharing two kids? Nothing." With a shake of his head, his jaw clenched, getting increasingly more annoyed, "And I mean that - nothing is going on with me and Amy, alright?"
"Well, that kiss - or should I say kisses - sure didn't look like 'nothing'..." She countered, hands on hips, with a surprised look on her face, "Did you -"
Putting the clipboard down a little rougher than intended, Ricky's face went placid, shoulders slumping uncomfortable with her next line of questioning. "I think I hear a customer." He lied, quickly shuffling his feet to get to the counter and away from her.
Bunny's eyes narrowed, lips puckering inward, watching him walk away, "I'll take that as a yes."
"Try not to make a mess, okay?" She stated sternly, handing him a couple of napkins to grasp in his already sticky and chocolate-covered fingers.
He nodded, chomping down on his bonus breakfast with a small giggle as he kicked his feet against the seat. "Pwrk mummy?" He asked her through a mouthful of donut
"Not today, buddy. Mommy has to take you to that special preschool thing." Raising her hand to her forehead to shield her eyes from the brightness threatening to blind her, she squinted through the windshield at the busy intersection.
They'd circled the parking lot four times now: each one getting her more confused than the previous time. Without her phone, she was lost - only having that one time she and Ricky went there to remember where the place was, and kicking herself for not paying enough attention when they did. Ricky generally drove to these places. He knew where he was going - she would get lost driving through their town if she let her mind wander enough.
"Mommy! Go to pawrk, Mommy, Mommy, go!" John rambled, swaying in his seat with one last chunk of the sticky mess nestled in his fingers: licking the melting icing mixed with rainbow sprinkles delicately, determined to get his point across by shouting his demands.
Taking a deep breath, and closing her eyes, "One more time" Amy whispered under her breath, pulling onto the busy roadway to start her fifth venture out, promising herself that if she still couldn't figure out where she was going she'd pull off to the nearest gas station and ask for directions, or at the very least, buy a phone charger and hope it worked long enough to get them there. Anything to avoid having to call Ricky - knowing exactly how he'd respond. He'd see it as her being incapable of doing even the simplest of tasks and use it against her. They were already on very shaky ground as it was - he didn't trust her, and she honestly didn't know how to respond to it. She came back; she left New York to be here for their children... and him... even though he made her mad and crazy. He held the cards for everything. He won the mediation so he could dictate when and where she could see their kids, and as much as it sucked, and she hated that he had that power, she had to suck it up and show him she was capable of following it in hopes that he would eventually let her do more; gain his trust back, mainly.
He was chanting in the backseat, pounding his fist on the cup holder of his seat, "Pawrk! Pawrk! I wa-na go to the pawrk!"
Gliding between two cars on the highway, a semi passed them quickly, rattling the car and causing her breath to quicken. Semi-trucks always freaked her out. She heard him shout with wonder behind her, hands now firmly on the glass as his eyes followed the truck until it disappeared from view.
Getting a little further down the highway, a loud ding started to sound, signifying that the car's gas tank was getting low. "Great," she thought to herself, expelling a long breath from her mouth.
"You can't avoid this forever, you know." She stated sternly, joining him behind the counter
He raised his brow at her. "I thought you didn't want personal business mixing in with work?" Her lips pursed in slight disapproval of his tone, making him blow out a breath of frustration, "I'm sorry, alright, but I can't help that I'm very cautious when it comes to Amy - or talking about my feelings."
"She didn't look too pleased when she came down the stairs this morning -"
"She wasn't." Ricky stated flatly, "I said something stupid - or rather nodded to her accusation." Shaking his head, "I didn't mean to upset her, but what was I supposed to say? 'Oh yay, you're back after months in New York, and I don't trust you alone with our kids after you just showed back up again?' Or how about 'that I can't just go back to the way things were because I don't trust you?' Yeah, that would have gone over so well!" Stomping away from the counter, he grabbed a box off the floor, "Trust is earned - and after everything Amy and I have been through... she has to show me she's worth trusting again."
Bunny's arms were crossed against her apron, brow raised, "Is that why you let her take him?"
"This is a good first step for her - a simple task - a co-parenting trial.
"You're baiting her!"
His palms were flat against the box, "What choice do I have? I need to know if she's serious about coming back for good. She has John. Amy won't screw up with him in her care... or at least I hope not..." Walking away from her and into the freezer. Coming back a minute later, his phone let out a chime. Ignoring it, he bent to grab three large trash bags from the floor. She set her glare on him, knowing he probably shouldn't have ignored the call. His eyes followed hers before blowing out another frustrated breath, "Maybe one day I'll be able to trust her again, and maybe one day we'll be happy together again... but until that happens, this is the way it needs to be. Amy and I just need to navigate how to be friends and co-parents. That's it." Taking the trash bags, he shoved the door open and disappeared behind it. She rolled her eyes at his agitation just in time for the door to the shop to chime.
"Where is Ricky?!" He asked in a frantic panic. His eyes were puffy and red.
Taken aback by his sudden appearance, "He stepped out bac -" She didn't even get to ask what he needed before the infant was shoved into her chest. Her brow furrowed, "Wait - what are you -" Bunny shouted after him as he shook his head quickly and sprinted for the door. "Hey!" She shouted again, but he was gone.
The back door opened quickly, and he sprinted through to see if she needed his help, "You okay? I heard a shout -" Ricky's eyes enlarged upon seeing his infant daughter tugging at his boss's hairnet, "Why do you have my baby? What is she even doing here? Where is George?" Bunny's eyes met his before shifting her head slightly to signal he was outside.
Wasting no time, he raced past them and threw upon the door, yelling down the sidewalk, "HEY!" George's head was down, focused on leaving that parking lot as quickly as possible as he ignored him. "GEORGE!" Ricky got louder, pausing at the stop sign as he watched him speed away. Running his hand through his hair in frustration, he took a deep breath and went back into the butcher shop. Emma whined pitifully, outstretching her small right hand towards him while she rubbed her eyes with her left one and let out a grunt. She was tired and needed a nap desperately.
Taking her from Bunny, he sighed, "I'm afraid to ask if this day could get any worse -" She grunted again, and an unpleasant odor followed.
Bunny grimaced, gesturing to the baby who needed a change, "Yeah, it could."
Another grunt followed, making the odor stronger. Emma puckered her lip on the verge of erupting into a screaming fit. Shifting her from his left arm to his right, Ricky closed his eyes in aggravation, "I'll just -" Bunny nodded quickly, gesturing to go on while trying not to gag in front of him.
Flipping the page, she bit her lip nervously, her leg not being able to maintain on the ground as it bounced furiously against the tiled concrete floor. A thousand thoughts raced through her mind, reading about the developmental milestones of infants between three to nine months old - a twinge of worry at the idea of their unborn baby not hitting any of them.
It was late in the afternoon, and most of the busy waiting room of the OBGYN had dissipated to just a tiny handful of people. Them being two of them. John had to be picked up from the nursery in another couple of hours, and they were going to tell him the news - if he was going to have a little brother or sister. He was hoping for it to be a boy so he could play cars with him. Ricky tried to explain the dynamics of a newborn to him several times, but he was determined to teach the baby if Daddy didn't know how.
She was conflicted, part of her wanted to know who the little person inside her was going to be. But the other part... it was scared to know what could potentially be taken from them. She knew the little being kicking her at that very moment was very real, and alive, but the overwhelming fear that one day they would stop all movement and be gone consumed her more times than she cared to admit.
"Hey - everything is going to be fine." Ricky touched her arm gently, whispering so the other waiting room attendees wouldn't hear. He could tell she was nervous as she looked down and put her hands on her expanding stomach. Leaning his head against her shoulder, he placed a little kiss on it lovingly. She couldn't stop the tears from coming to her eyes, sniffling hard under the hair that had fallen into her face. That's all she ever seemed to do anymore: cry. Cry because her hormones were out of control, cry because she felt disgusting, and cry because of their situation.
With no hesitation, he grabbed her hand and squeezed, stroking her knuckles with his thumb softly, continuing to whisper, "Listen, Amy, we don't have to do this - Find out the sex of the baby, I mean." She kept her eyes down. "We can wait. Tell the doctor we want to find out when the baby is born if you want."
After another hard sniffle, she looked up at him, a tear rolling down her cheek in relief that he could see the fear coursing through her at this normally joyous occasion. "You won't be upset? What about John? I know you both have been wanting to find out..." She lowered her head, tracing an imaginary pattern across her shirt. She knew he was only doing this for her benefit, and a part of her felt guilty for his even suggesting it.
He nodded, "John will be fine waiting a couple more months - it'll give him time to think of more ridiculous names." They both chuckled lightly, him putting his hand atop hers on her stomach, lip tipping up at the quick little jab to his palm. That child was going to be a handful. He kissed her temple, "And honestly, as long as it's healthy, and you're okay, I'll be fine waiting to meet our son or daughter too."
She nodded, biting the tip of her bottom lip, "How did we get so lucky, little one?" She quietly asked when the door opened and his attention went to it.
His smile turned to a smirk, having heard her, but choosing to not say anything because she'd be embarrassed, he flipped the page of the magazine resting on his lap, pointing to the page, "Have you read this article about imaginative play with pipe cleaners? It's ridiculous!"
She playfully side-eyed his change of subject, "There are other things to read, you know."
He shrugged, "Yeah, I know, but after that Women's Health magazine I read last time, I'd much rather keep my lunch down," grimacing at the memory of it.
"Juergens!" A dark-haired woman in scrubs shouted across the room, clipboard in hand.
"Juergens!" Came another shout, this one rougher, more demanding. "Juergens!" It came again.
"Mommy!" John shouted into her ear, moving her hair back with his hand, drawing her out of the memory.
Her head snapped up, slightly confused and panicked, shouting out an apologetic "Sorry!" And sprinting up to the front desk.
The woman sitting behind it very stoic, and unflinching, sliding over a clipboard with at least 10 documents attached to it, stating flatly, "Sign these, we'll call his name when we need you to come back up."
Amy's brow furrowed in confusion, "Wait, I thought I was just dropping off a packet we got the last time we were here?"
The woman sighed dramatically, having no time for her unwanted inquiry. "Ma'am these papers were supposed to be filled out and returned in May. They aren't able to be accepted anymore." She grabbed a pen from under the counter, "So fill out this form and wait for his name to be called, okay?"
"Mommmyyyy, I'm bor-ed!" John whined, latching onto her pant leg and rubbing his face against the back of her thigh, "Wh-en c-an we jus go hwo-me?" Giving her own dramatic sigh, Amy took the clipboard and guided them back to the row of seats they had occupied earlier, plopping him beside her and clicking her pen.
"Amy?" A voice trailed into the room.
By the sound of its perky lilt, she groaned, knowing exactly who had called her name, "Oh please no..."
A few seconds later she stood before her: miss 'I think I'm so much better than everyone else because I married a rich doctor who's 25 years older than I am, and had his baby' - her auburn hair pulled tightly into a high ponytail, while her designer heels clacked obnoxiously against the colorful marble flooring: Rachel McDaniel.
Her hands were on her hips, "Well, well. I didn't think I'd see you again anytime soon - how's New York?" Clicking her tongue against her teeth just as her shadow ran up beside her, eyeing him. Scooting him forward, she pursed her lipstick-riddled lips, "Trev, go play with John, while mommy catches up with John's mommy."
Not wanting any of it, John looked up at Amy and whined pitifully, "Mommyy..."
The boy didn't get the hint, taking a spot beside him anyway and helping himself to a green crayon on the chair. Like mother like son because Rachel also took a seat next to her. Rolling her eyes, Amy mumbled under her breath, "This is going to be a long day..."
Exiting the bedroom, he bent slightly to retrieve an unused diaper from the floor, sighing in frustration at the infant sitting in the bend of his arm as she demanded his undivided attention, silently kicking himself for not taking Amy up on her offer to take Emma with her and John.
After they'd gone upstairs, he took the liberty of running a bath in hopes that it would both clean her up from the diaper explosion she had and lull her to sleep. It cleaned her up, but she was fighting the sleep her body desperately craved, hard.
Another round of howl-like wails erupted from her, fisting her right eye just as there was a hard knock at the door. Handing her a teething ring, he gently placed her on the blanket splayed out on the floor, wincing at her siren cries. "Just a second!" Ricky shouted roughly as the knocking got louder, and he shuffled to the door - surprised to see who was standing on the other side, "Oh, hi."
"Your mom said I could find you here." A gruff voice stated, shoving his hands into his pockets.
He nodded, unsure why he was at his doorstep, "Oh... wait, how did she know that?"
"She got a phone call from George - Kathleen's mother passed away in her sleep last night, and they found her this morning when they went to wake her up. Nora said she knew George was babysitting. So when he called her, she was in a meeting and couldn't pick up. By the time she called him back and heard what happened, he said he'd already been by the shop with the baby."
Nodding again, he opened the door wider for his visitor, running his hand over his neck nervously, "Can I get you anything?"
"You got coffee?" Leo asked, taking a seat on the portion of the sofa cushion that wasn't littered with something.
Ricky chuckled lightly, raising a brow, "Are you kidding? I'm a single dad - I live on coffee." Turning on his heels, he carefully stepped over the baby gnawing on the teething ring tight in her hand, and went to the kitchen, opening the cabinet.
Emma watched him with wide eyes, puckering her bottom lip out at the large stranger. Leo smiled, flexing his fingers in a friendly little wave. "Wow, she's getting so big - what is she 6 months now?"
Rinsing a mug out, Ricky turned and tipped his lip up proudly, "Nine months next week... Dr. Hightower says she's still in the lower percentile of height and weight, but she's hitting all her milestones at or above babies her age, so she's not concerned. If anything, she just takes after Amy, I guess."
Waving again, Leo put his hand out just enough for her to touch his finger, asking, "May I?"
"If she'll let you go ahead." He shrugged, pouring the coffee into two mugs.
Reaching forward slowly so he wouldn't scare her, Leo picked her up off the blanket, "Hi, sweetie."
"Someone has been very cranky these past few days, huh?" He teased, setting the mugs on the coffee table, away from her grabby hands. Running his hand over his face, Ricky inhaled tiredly, "The constant needing me to be in her sight or else she'll just start screaming is extremely exhausting."
He chuckled through sips, "Ah, separation anxiety - the fun stage. Are you getting any sleep?"
She looked up at her dad, kicking her legs with a drawn-out whine. He sighed, knowing her baby tantrum was coming, "Hardly. I thought we'd rounded a corner the other night when she slept through it, but I must have just gotten lucky because ever since it's been constant, wake-up screaming fits." Her lip puckered again, glancing up at Leo and erupting into a loud, howling cry.
Putting the mug on the table, Leo ran his hand over her head and spoke gently, "You miss your daddy too much, huh?"
Without a word, Ricky sprinted into the kitchen and got to work, wincing as his ears were being assaulted. Returning, he held the bottle in his hand, "Emma, look. Look what Daddy has for you." The drool dribbled down her chin, squirming on his lap in discomfort before her breathing quickened at the sight of the bottle, and her fingers flexed, wanting it. Taking her from Leo's lap, he placed the bottle in her hands, lip tipping up at the way she tiredly tipped her head back and drank. "I'm going to go put her down for a nap. You mind?" Ricky asked him, gathering the blanket from the side of the playpen and with his boss's nod, exiting the room.
(25 minutes later)
Taking slow steps down the hall, he ran his hand through his hair before taking a seat back on the couch, "Sorry, it took a little longer than I thought it would." Taking a sip of his now cold coffee.
Leo turned from his position by the bookshelf, taking one hand out of his pocket to dismiss his apology, and shrugging at his nervous glance, "So how's life - Don't worry I'm not here to talk about your job. I just want to know how you've been."
Clearing off the couch, Ricky looked up cautiously, "You're not here because I've missed work too much?" He shook his head, stuffing his hands in his pockets again. He caught the quick way Leo's eyes cut across, the way someone does when they don't want to say what's really on their mind. He sighed, "... Did Bunny say something to you?"
"She just said you're a little agitated, said you might benefit from talking to someone."
He sighed again, this one aggravation laced - he hated everyone's desire to want to talk with him about his feelings. Especially his feelings about Amy. "I have a shrink for that. I'm fine." Leo shrugged again, but the way he looked at him told him he didn't buy it. Ricky's brow rose slightly, relenting just a little, "Okay, maybe not entirely... and maybe I am a little agitated... but wouldn't you be? Wouldn't you be if the woman you loved left you, came back months later - professing her love for you - and then left again only to confuse you even more by showing up in the middle of the night?" His breathing had quickened, unknowingly clenching his fists. Lowering his hands slowly, his voice got quieter, avoiding eye contact, "I love Amy - or at least I did - but how many more times can we go through this? This endless cycle of broken promises and confusing our kids with the back and forth?" Closing his eyes, he ran his hand through his hair, defeat washing over him at the sound of her merciless wail beckoning him back to her.
Attending to it, he returned a minute later with Emma clutching onto his t-shirt; her green eyes watery and red, the remnants of formula splashing to the floor as she shook the upside-down bottle in her palms. He looked at Leo with genuine honesty as he spoke, "I want Amy to have a good relationship with Emma and John. I want her to be here for everything in their lives, and for them to feel like they can always count on her but -" He paused, tucking a curl behind her tiny ear, "How am I supposed to assure them of that, when I don't even believe it?" Placing the baby on the couch cushion and handing her a toy, "Honestly, Mr. Boykewich... sometimes, I feel like I'm a failure as a father. That I messed up my kids' whole lives by allowing Amy to walk away..." He trailed, voice becoming lower and laced with guilt, "Maybe if I just would have tried harder, I could have -"
"Done what stopped her? Barricaded her inside this apartment?" Leo finished, taking a seat beside him, and putting a hand on his shoulder, "If you would have done that she would have resented you, and the tension between you two would be far worse than it is now. Amy wanted to leave. She wanted to venture out and see what else was out there. You and I both know nothing you could have said or done would have stopped it." He squeezed his shoulder, "And as far as being a failure as a father goes, who isn't from time to time? Do you think every father is perfect? Like we have everything figured out? No." There was a chuckle in his voice as he picked the baby up and put her on his knee, making sure she was level with the teen's eyes, "Look at this child - she hasn't stopped staring at you since you sat down - you think she sees you as a failure?" Ricky sniffled, reaching for her outstretched hand. "Son, we all have our shortcomings, but it's how you overcome those that make you a better father."
His daughter's gibberish of babbles brought Ricky's eyes up, tipping his lip at the sight of her using her pointer finger to poke Leos's lips, and his playful response to it: the way the giant man pretended to eat her fingers as she chortled, making him happy. With a deep inhale, he drew back against the cushion, feeling a small fraction of the weight being lifted off his shoulders, "I didn't mean to dump all of this on you, I'm sorry."
Leo nodded along with her gurgles, smiling at him, "It's alright. I'm happy you talked to me, and if not to me, then to someone else. People need to talk about what's bothering them rather than stuff it all down." She agreed, letting out a small squeal before kicking her feet and fisting her left eye while releasing a big yawn. He put his hand on her yellow onesie-clad torso, chuckling softly at the tired baby as he passed her to her father, smiling at the way she clung to him while laying her small head on his shoulder. He loved seeing Ricky as a dad because he was so happy with it. He'd come a long way since the first day he met the troubled teen, which made what he was about to say even sweeter to him. Ricky noticed his smile, giving a small one back as he slowly rocked his daughter against him. "So... how's school going?" Leo asked nonchalantly, needing a way to divert the conversation.
"Good, I guess." Ricky shrugged, running his hand over the back of her curls, with an inquisitive brow raise, "I had some issues with my grades slipping a little after Emma was born, but not enough to wreck my averages or put my scholarship in danger... why?"
"Just wondering." He shrugged too, pursing his lips and fiddling with a few lone army men figurines John had failed to clean up before he left with Amy that morning. "Bunny's looking to scale back some more and spend time with her girls before they go to college."
Taken aback by his words, his eyes widened, "Okay... you're not like selling the shop, are you?" Panic slowly started to creep in, worried that that was what Leo was there for - to tell him he was out of a job.
Sensing his fears, Leo quickly shook his head and his hands in immediate dismissal, "No, no, nothing like that... Bunny wants you to take over."
"Seriously?" Ricky couldn't stop the smile that came to his face, eyes lighting up in genuine surprise.
He nodded, pulling out an envelope from his suit coat and putting it on the coffee table, "She's going to train you more about the management side of things - as you do on Saturdays, but more on the day-to-day scale - and then hopefully you'll be ready to become the full-time manager." Ricky was speechless, mouth slightly agape, and staring at the envelope addressed with his name on it. Picking it up, he handed it to him, "You know I want you to be a part of the business - this is a good first step. After you graduate, we'll revisit you moving over to other parts of the company."
Not being able to contain his excitement, he immediately stuck his hand out to shake Leo's, the sudden action jolting the dozing baby, causing her to fidget and release a soft cry into his shoulder. "That sounds great! Thank you!" Putting his hand firmly on her back, he bounced her gently and whispered soft shushing sounds into her tiny ear, his smile turning down slightly, "But wait... what about Ben? Won't he be upset that you're inviting me to be involved with the business?"
"Ben has expressed that he wants no part in the business. And if he has an issue, don't worry about it. It's my business, not his. He doesn't get to dictate who can and can't be a part of it." Leo stated firmly, a slight aggression to his tone that only continued as he spoke again, "Although, maybe coming back to the butcher shop would be good for him - that is if you're okay with that."
"Why wouldn't I be? Ben was my friend once - or I guess he was."
"He's been having some... issues... in New York."
Ricky's brow furrowed, "What kind of issues?"
Leo sighed heavily, wringing out his hands, "I don't know - he's out of control. I thought maybe New York would be good for him. A fresh start. But all it seemed to do was make him worse; and fan his sporadic tendencies... And now with Amy back in the picture - with you - I worry he'll unravel and do something he can't take back."
Ricky's lips parted slowly, taking in his words before he jumped to conclusions and went off, "Something like what? What does Amy have to do with this?" His eyes widened at the thought of what he hoped wasn't true, his voice holding anger, "Did Ben do something to Amy?"
After about a 30-second pause, Leo sighed again and met his eyes, "They ran into each other a couple of times. That's all I know."
It felt like someone had punched him in the gut. The mere thought of Amy with Ben made him see red - now he's hearing there may have been something more. He felt sick to his stomach, immediately putting his gaze to the floor and taking slow breaths to combat the rage bubbling to the surface, jaw twitching to keep composure as the tiny little being in his arms snored softly into his neck.
"So I told him he could have that skank as I walked out the door!" Rachel hollered a bit too loudly, with added hand motions that made some of the other mothers stare at them. Amy's head was pressed into her left palm, simultaneously rubbing her temple while rolling her eyes at the dramatics. Rachel continued talking, picking at her purple leggings with her sparkly pink manicured nails, "It's been really hard on Trev, though. You get that, though, right? I mean, you left Ricky for that drummer or whatever." Amy's head snapped up, appalled at her assumption. Rachel put her hands up in surrender, "What? You know the daycare gossip, " She scoffed, shaking her head. "Was it because he wasn't good in bed?"
Raising in her seat, her eyes turned to daggers, "Rachel!"
Eyes widening, she jumped back a little, "What, people talk! I mean, why else would you leave Ricky? Have you seen him?"
About to say something to combat her very rude and wrong way of thinking, John grabbed her arm and huffed, "Mommy, Twevor jus tak-ed my cwayons!"
Immediately going on the defense, Trevor stood to his feet, pointing the crayon into the air, "Nuh uh, dey wer mine fwirst! John, no want to share!"
Stomping his worn sneaker against the floor, John shouted angrily at him, "Cuz th-ey awre mine!"
Amy turned to her, a look of annoyance and frustration on her face. Rachel looked up, confused as to why before completely just blowing it off, "What? They're just roughhousing. Trev, play nice, okay? John needs to learn how to share - why don't you show him?"
"Oh, like he did in daycare?" Amy snapped, having had enough of this judgmental woman and her bratty child. Turning in her seat, "I can handle my child, thanks."
Pursing her bright lipstick red lips, Rachel shrugged slightly, "That was a shame, wasn't it?"
She scoffed irritatingly, "A shame? Your son bullied my son and got him kicked out!"
"No, John got himself kicked out by attacking Trevor. The kids just wanted to play house, but John instigated a fight by shoving Trevor down."
"John only shoved Trevor AFTER he taunted him by telling him a bold-faced lie! A lie he heard from YOU!" The woman on the other side of them rolled her eyes and got up, moving to the other side of the room, away from them. Pursing her lips, she clasped her hands together to keep from punching her in the face, "If you have a problem with the way I live MY life, you come to ME. Not spread lies about things you know nothing about to your son - who is a child and will repeat them to MY son!"
"Juergens!" Someone shouted loudly into the room
"C'mon, mommy!" John interrupted, pulling on her arm to break the tension-filled stare down between the two mothers. She wasn't backing down, her face contorted in anger as her breathing quickened like a bull, ready to strike. He shook her arm again, this time also patting her cheek to get her attention, "C'mon, lwets go, Mommy!"
Stilling his hand, Amy rose to stand, gathering up their things as she clicked her tongue and stated, "I really hope our sons aren't in the same class."
Taking her hand as they walked away, John whined tiredly, "I wa-nt to go hwo-me to daddy!"
Her jaw was clenched, trying to calm herself down, "Me too, buddy. Me too..."
Checking his watch, he blew a breath from his cheeks. It had been almost an hour since Leo left, and in that period, he'd managed to think of a thousand scenarios for what he had said. What did he mean by Ben ran into Amy? Did they bump into each other on campus? Get dinner? See a movie? Go on a date... or something else? He gulped at the thought, shaking his head furiously - no, she wouldn't do that. Especially not with Ben... would she? Hearing the clomping footsteps trailing closer, he sighed and closed his eyes - pretending to be asleep to match the passed-out baby pressed into his torso; her light snores made his lip tip up a little.
Chaos was coming as the lock clicked once, and a loud, squeaky voice barreled through excitedly. "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy g-ot me a p-ack-ack!" John cheered with a grin, colliding into his arm to wake him. His eyes opened, blinking slowly with frustration at the toddler who had awoken his little sister: burrowing her head into his ribs with a fussy grunt followed by swiping at her eyes and puckering her bottom lip. Great.
Drawing back, John realized what he had done and gasped, "Opps, sworry daddy..." He ran his palm over her head to calm her. She started to cry, flexing her fingers out to him, which he took and scrunched his nose at her playfully.
She couldn't help but smile at the sight, putting her purse on the coffee table and pulling her hair into her hands, "You're not going to believe the day we've had!" Tying the band that was on her wrist, she went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water, continuing, "Apparently those papers were supposed to be turned in in May - but that's not even the worst of it. We're sitting there, waiting to be called to redo his whole interview, and stupid Rachel McDaniel - you know Trevor's mom - yeah, she shows up! It completely ruined my whole day!" Swallowing another gulp of water, she set her eyes on him, "What about you? What happened - why aren't you at work?"
Rolling his eyes, Ricky shifted the baby to the floor, and stood up, putting his hand on the back of his neck and craning it up towards the ceiling, "Well let's see - your dad dropped Emma back off like 20 minutes after he picked her up, your phone was dead so I couldn't call you, I had to leave work, and... oh yeah, Leo stopped by." The last part of his sentence came out rough and irritated. She pursed her lips, staying silent. "He wanted to know if I'd be interested in taking more over for Bunny."
Her lips parted, eyes widening in genuine surprise, "That's great! That's what you've wanted, isn't it?"
He nodded but held a placid expression, "Yeah, well, he also asked if I minded if Ben came back to work downstairs."
That name made her blood run cold, and her breathing became slower, not wanting him to find out what happened in New York. Not like this anyway. "... Oh... w-what d-did you say?" Amy stuttered, pressing the water bottle to her lips so she wouldn't say anything further.
He shrugged, "Nothing." Putting his hands on his hips, "Should I, though? Is there a reason I'd have a problem with it?" His tongue was pressed into his cheek, cocking his head slightly, eyes piercing her as she continued to gulp water quickly. He knew she was hiding something. "Like maybe you two did something during all your meet-ups at Hudson, and you're worried I'll find out?" Her head shot up, blinking back the tears threatening to come to her eyes, as her lips parted again. His eyes met hers, pursing his lips at her silence, "Just a guess..."
Thankfully the baby started crying and drew Ricky's attention away from her, allowing her the take a few quick deep breaths and wipe the tears away before he could see them. Telling him about New York while he was on the rampage wouldn't be good for anyone right now, but she hated having to keep it from him, especially given how he already had trust issues with her. But how do you tell someone something like that when you, yourself, don't even have all the pieces to make sense of it?
His eyes were still on her, watching her movements. She kept composure, keeping her sights on anything else but him - John's new backpack a nice distraction.
Noting how she still refused to say anything, he shook his head and stated, "I need some air." Not even allowing her to ask where he was going before shoving their screeching, saliva-drenched, daughter into her arms. Grabbing his keys and wallet, he exhaled loudly and smugly quipped, "Welcome home, Amy" and slammed the door.
Amy stood there, taken aback at his actions as she kissed the baby's forehead and ran her hand over her red cheeks, sighing under her breath.
Here they go again.
"You know why, dude. If I take that step with her, it's over between me and Amy for good. She won't take me back after that." He shook his head, shifting his hands across the bar before bringing it down to be level with his chest.
He pursed his lips into a line, grasping the middle of the bar to spot him in case he lost his grip, "Isn't that a little hypocritical though? You're angry with Amy for doing something in New York - that's really none of your business because you two were broken up - when you were here with Clementine?"
Blowing out a breath of frustration, "I didn't sleep with Clementine. There's a difference."
"You don't know if Amy slept with anyone - Ben or someone else - either." Jack retorted, pulling the bar back onto the rungs as his friend slid out from under it, raising his brow, "Why are you so bothered by this?"
Gulping water Ricky's eyes shot like daggers at him and his idiotic question, "Why? Jack, Amy is - was - my wife. I care if she slept with someone! Especially if it was Ben!" Taking another drink, he twisted the cap back on and tossed the water bottle to him, scoffing with irritation, "Ben! He's always been obsessed with Amy, and even 3000 miles away he's still managed to push his way into our lives!" Gripping the bar hard enough for his knuckles to turn white, he sighed heavily, a sadness in his voice, "What if that's why she left, Jack? For... him?"
The jock couldn't help but chuckle at his assumption, "You don't believe that, do you?"
Eyes narrowing in frustration at his chuckle, Ricky ran a hand through his hair and tugged on his curls, blowing out another frustrated breath, "I don't want to... but part of me can't help but wonder. Ben's always wanted my family since the day he found out Amy was pregnant - even telling me he'd be raising MY son... - whose to say he somehow didn't convince her to run off to be with him?" Going over to the shelf to his right, and grabbing the pair of black and red gloves, he took his position by the swinging black bag, slow in his stride of punches, "Maybe that Adam guy was just a distraction to cover up her feelings for her one true love, Ben."
Holding the bag on the other side, so Ricky wouldn't go into a rage and knock it off the hoist like he'd almost done the previous day, "Okay, do you know how crazy and stupid you sound right now? Amy doesn't love Ben - she loves you, you idiot."
"Don't call me names!"
"Sorry, but buddy, you are an idiot. And an ass." Taking a step back, "You've been complaining and begging for months for Amy to come back. Well, guess what? You got your wish, she's here. You'd think you'd be happy about that, but instead, you're being a ridiculous asshole getting upset about something you don't know the whole story about." The bag stopped moving, Ricky's hands lowering to his sides as Jack continued to speak, rationally, "Maybe Amy did just run into Ben - and maybe she didn't tell you because she knew you'd fly off the handle and act like this." Ricky stared down at his hands, smoldering and mentally mulling over the situation - how Jack could be right. "Look, you got what you wanted. Now what are you going to do to keep it?"
(8 Days Later)
"C'mon, John, or else we're gonna be late!" He hollered from the living room, stuffing the diaper bag with extra diapers and a few discarded toys from the coffee table, sighing in frustration at the shrieks coming from the curly-headed baby 20 feet away, "I hear you, Emma, I'm coming! John!"
The door opened slowly, cautious in her steps as she mumbled a low, "Hey..."
They hadn't spoken much since Ricky bolted out of the apartment in a rage a week ago. She decided to keep her distance to allow him to cool off - and also decided that telling him the truth wasn't in the cards yet. Not when he was already so enraged and unpredictable. So in an attempt to keep the peace she only stopped by to get the kids or only popped in briefly to see them - keeping their conversations short and mainly centered around John and Emma. She could tell he was struggling with her being back, and all the emotions surrounding it, and didn't want to cause any more problems than she already had.
He gave her a half nod, clearly irritated, "Yeah, hey... John's in his room -" A loud scream-like-howl cutting him off. The infant sat there, trying her hardest to remove the evil sandals from her feet, throwing her head back in dramatic effect. He clicked his tongue, touching her hand as he shook his head at her, "I know you don't like them, but shoes need to stay on."
"Rweady!" John cheered, a large grin plastering his face as he raised his arms above his head to show off his attire.
"Oh my -" Amy turned, clamping her hand over her mouth to stifle the deep giggle in her throat. He was dressed in his pajama shirt, under a sweater, while he wore his blue and white swim trunks with red fish on them, and knee-high socks with blue flip flops. Poor boy didn't know what season to wear.
He continued to smile, racing over to his dad with pride, "I did it!"
Pursing his lips to keep himself from laughing, Ricky nodded and touched his shoulder gently, "You sure did. But um, buddy... maybe we should go back in your room just to see what else we can find?"
John cocked his head, raising a brow to match his, "Why?"
Seeing the knee-high socks and flip-flops made him release a little chuckle, "Well... um, um the school - you look like you're confused, buddy. It's hot out. Let's go find something cooler, okay?" Taking his hand they went down the hallway and back into the bedroom.
Still in the kitchen, Emma let everyone know of her disdain for being left behind, banging her fists on the highchair tray with a high-pitched squeal scream. Twitching her left eye slightly, Amy threw her hands out and pitched her voice, "Oh my goodness!" Wagging her finger at their daughter still trying to rip the shoes from her feet, "No, ma'am, dada said those stay on." Unsatisfied with her mother telling her no, Emma threw her head back again and started in. Tilting her head back upright, she quickly removed her from the highchair, quieting her sobs a little. She still grabbed at the pink sandals though, whining now as her little leg outstretched to get a better grip. Grabbing it, Amy playfully grimaced and giggled, "Shew!" Making Emma crack a smile, before doing it again and making her start to cackle in amusement.
"You sure about this, John? Because you don't have to do this if you don't want to." He whispered into his ear, stroking the side of his head gently.
Looking around the room at all the other kids playing, or with their mommies and daddies, John nodded, a small smirk coming to his lips. He was his son. "I OK, Daddy."
She cocked her head, putting a hand on her ex's shoulder as she asked him, "Are you?"
"I'm good," Ricky lied, not wanting to let anyone see him getting emotional as he kissed his forehead sweetly, "Mommy and I will be back in a couple of hours, okay?" This was supposed to be a happy occasion - their son starting school - but it felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. For three and a half years, John had always been sheltered behind the walls of the church nursery; he and Amy could visit whenever they wanted, and they knew the ladies taking care of him. Now he was in a new place, with strangers, and he couldn't just walk in on his lunch break for a hug, or a cuddle. He was going to have to let go of his desire to shield him and let him figure out this new step in his ever-evolving shift to independence, and it scared the hell out of him.
"OK!" John nodded again, rushing into her legs and attaching himself, looking up and pointing to his little sister busy shaking their mom's keys, "Um, is Em-ma jus go-in bye-bye, too?"
They both chuckled at his ask, him taking the squirmy child into his arms as she squealed rather loudly, and got the attention of a few parents, "Yeh, bud, Emma's going with me and mommy."
Satisfied with that answer, he dropped his arms and took a step back. Amy knelt to his level, taking his cheeks into her palms, and fighting back the tears threatening to gather in her eyes. He was growing up so fast and was already on his first day of Preschool. Okay, not the first day, since they were just dropping him off for an orientation of sorts, but it felt like he was slowly starting to leave them. He was moving on to a new phase in his life; becoming independent.
She sniffled into the embrace she had him wrapped in like a bear, "Bye, baby. Have fun, okay!" Kissing his forehead like he had done, and standing, wiping her eyes with the tip of her middle finger, she looked over at their daughter using her pointer finger to play with his face: poking his lips and teeth with a giggle. She loved watching them together because Emma had Ricky wrapped around those tiny little fingers and he loved it.
Shifting her weight in his arm to sit her against his torso, Ricky flexed his fingers, for her to mimic, "Tell John, bye-bye! We'll see him later."
Eyes lighting up, Emma squealed and reached for him, blowing spit bubbles and babbling, "Jajajaaa!" John smiled at her, taking her hand between his fingers and pecking it lovingly, making her shriek with amusement and pull back, with squinted eyes and her three teeth showing - thinking it was a game.
Seeing some of the other parents start to disperse, Ricky sighed and ran his fingers over his son's dirty blonde hair, "Couple hours, buddy, promise." With a quick nod and a wave, John ran off to the other side of the room in an excited sprint. Turning on his heels, he couldn't help but smile at the reason - as the small little girl twirled, her dress flowy and her blonde hair bouncing against her shoulders: Lilly. His son's best friend was there now, and that solidified to him that he was going to be okay.
With another wave, they walked out of the room and down the bright hallway, stopping only when they reached his car in the parking lot.
Amy looked over at him, noting how he'd been silent since they left the room, "He's going to be okay, Ricky..."
Wiping a stray tear from his cheek, he swallowed quickly and nodded, "I know." Taking in a deep breath, "It's all just happening so quickly. He's growing up so fast..."
She nodded too, crossing her arms across her chest, "I know..."
After about 10 seconds of awkward silence, he looked up at her, "Are you busy today?" Stuffing a hand into his pocket, and shrugging nonchalantly, "Would you want to - I don't know, come with me to the bookstore, maybe? I need to get some things before classes start this week and check into the campus daycare. You can hang out with Emma if you want... and we can talk...?" Hoping she wouldn't hear the nervousness in his voice, he bit his lip.
Pursing her lips, her eyes cut between the school and him, before nodding again, "... okay." A smile came to his face before he disappeared into the backseat of the car. She took a few steps towards him, "I'll meet you there?"
"Oohh, What does the piggy say?" She enthused, turning the page in the palm-sized book tucked between her index finger and thumb, "Oink, oink? Huh, oink-" The infant wasn't having it, spitting the pacifier out of her mouth with a whine while batting the book away. Closing it, Amy's voice pitched, "No? What about -" widening her eyes in bewilderment at their daughter's intense scream as a response. Rising to stand from the single small round table on the far left side of the wall, she shifted to her other arm, and released a breath at her continued crying, "Okay..."
Lifting her head a fraction, Amy couldn't help but notice the lady staring directly at her; the smile on the stranger's face was a nice distraction from the many scowls of the other attendees trying to navigate around them. She gave a small smile back before her eyes cut back to the infant determined to rip off her collarbone with her tiny razorblade fingernails.
"Oh, she's so cute - First?" The stranger quipped, taking the initiative to get closer as she spoke.
Startled, her breathing quickened slightly, unknowing who this woman was, or what she wanted. Swallowing quickly, she stroked Emma's leg with her thumb, replying, "Second."
The smile on her face only got bigger, She nodded, "Ah, been there," and pointing over to the other side of the room, at a man with his back turned to them, "You know... that man over there is also a single parent..." Her lips were pursed inward, keeping her point on him, like she had a plan up her sleeve as she looked back at her and casually stated, "Maybe you could share a coffee?"
When she pivoted to give her a better look, the man turned and came into full view. Ricky. Amy couldn't help but giggle just a little at this stranger suggesting she ask out the man she loved. Clicking her tongue to play along, "Yeah... maybe..." she gave a flirty wave when he turned in their direction. He gave one back. The stranger nodded, clearly satisfied with herself, and walked away.
Once she was gone, she giggled again, playfully scrunching the baby's face with her fingers, "Where's dada? You wanna go find him?" Emma's green eyes squinted, shoving her fingers into her mouth with a whine as a response. Twelve steps later, she jostled her and cheered with a smile, "You found him! You found dada!"
Removing her fingers from her mouth and outstretching them towards him, she started to cry again, "Daaaa!"
Shifting the books to his other hand, Ricky tucked a stray curl behind her ear, careful to avoid the drool dribbling from her chin.
Kissing her temple, Amy's brow rose quizzically at him, pointing towards the exit, "That lady, who was she?" He rose a brow back, confused, and shrugged. "You didn't see her? Slightly older, white woman with dark hair?"
He shrugged again, "Can you be more specific? This is a college campus, there's at least a dozen white, dark-haired women in this place right now."
"I don't know - about my height? Looked about mid-40s. She knew you were a single father..." Her voice lowered at the last part, eyes cutting directly to his face when he let out a little gasp of surprise from his lips. For some reason, she could feel herself start to get jealous, even before he could explain, "You know her?"
He nodded, taking another book into his hands and starting to walk towards the cash register, "Professor Rodriguez, probably"
Following on his heels, her lips parted as she whisper-shouted at him, "Your professor? What did you just tell everyone what a shitty mom I am?" It was bad enough that Clementine knew and went there too, but his Professor? Did he just tell everyone he came into contact with about how horrible she was?
Pausing behind another student, he shook his head and lowered his voice to match hers, "What - no, Amy, it's not like that. Professor Rodriguez has helped me a lot with my business class - and she understands our situation -"
"Because you told her!" Ricky shook his head again at her misplaced aggravation, rolling his eyes at her need to cause a scene. Amy did the same, giving him a smug look as their child started in again. Blowing a breath from her cheeks, she switched arms again, "I uh - I think we're gonna take a walk."
Taking a step forward, "Alright. Hurry back, we've got about an hour and 15 minutes before we need to go get John."
"Peek-a-boo, I see you!" She giggled, tossing the burp rag over her face, playfully, and removing it a few seconds later, "Op, where'd you go? There you are!" She batted her arms and legs excitedly, breathing increasing as she grunted while sucking on a purple pacifier.
He cocked his head, watching with curiosity, "Wat you do-in, mommy?"
Putting the burp rag up to her face, and her other hand over his eyes, she whispered, "Shhh, I'm hiding from Emma."
"Mommyyyy, Em-ma c-an jus see youuu!" He giggled, amused at his mother's essential cluelessness while playing with his baby sister.
Amy mocked and gasped, "Is that true?" Removing her hand from his eyes the baby on her knees let out a whiny grunt - signaling she was done with their game. She sighed in slight defeat at her grunts, still not being able to get their daughter to laugh. Ricky could, he could get her to just start cracking up whenever he popped up from something, but she would clam up as soon as he walked away. She didn't understand why it bothered her so much. She should be happy he was able to have this bond with her, and that he was a fantastic father to their kids, but something inside her felt... jealous. She was doing all the hard stuff for their kids, yet she was the bad guy all the time. It wasn't fair... she wanted to be fun too.
A shift on her lap brought her back to reality, and with a tired sigh, she reached over and ran her fingers through his hair, "Whatcha doin', buddy?"
Twitching slightly at the tickle, John circled the crayon in his fingers around the page in a frenzy, keeping his focus on the task, "Um, I jus mwak-ing the ti-ger pwur-ple cus it's a gwirl ti-ger." He answered matter-of-factly, stilling his movement when the door opened and he became visible. "Daddy!"
Ricky didn't say anything when he walked in, just stood there, with a cautious smile, holding up the stack of mail: one envelope sticking out from the rest.
Putting the baby in the bouncy seat on the floor, she stared at him, "Is that -?" He nodded, holding it out to her. Reaching out, she recoiled, shaking her head nervously, "I can't - what if it's bad news?" He held it out further, urging her to take it to find out and put her mind at ease. This is what they'd been waiting for since she applied right after getting put on bed rest. And with the Hudson mess looming over them, they needed this. She needed this. Ricky's college wasn't her first choice, and after the Karlee fiasco, she never wanted to see it again... but she wanted to go to college, and this was the best option for them and their family. Hudson wasn't an option: not with Ricky and the kids not being able to live in the dorms with her, and them not being able to find an apartment for her to go to school there. Ricky's college provided everything they needed - further her education to become a teacher, and be able to continue to live in the apartment, together, as a family.
She must have been lost in her thoughts too long because the next thing she knew the envelope was in her hand. Looking from him to the letter, and then back to him, she gulped and bit her bottom lip apprehensively and began tearing it open slowly, "Seriously though, what if even after all the hard work we put in... they still reject me?"
Pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, away from her face, Ricky stroked her cheek, "Hey, you've done great. You've worked your butt off for this, alright? If they're stupid enough not to accept you, then that's their loss. And they'd be even stupider to take that loss." He stated softly, pecking her lips quickly, before going around her to attend to their combative daughter's screeches. "I think someone needs a changing - c'mere princess" Taking Emma out of the seat, he bounced her gently and walked towards the hallway, pausing, and turning towards his wife, "You're going to get in, Ames. I know it." She bit her lip harder, watching as he walked away.
Curious, John walked over, pointing to the now unsealed envelope, "Wat is th-at, Mommy?" With a deep inhale, Amy closed her eyes and took out the piece of paper, opening it a few seconds later and letting out a high-pitched shriek. His eyes widened in both curiosity and a smidgen of fear, unknowing what was causing his mommy to act this way. He touched her arm, wanting to bring the paper down so he could see what it was, "Wat?"
Her eyes were still glued to it before gleefully shouting his name across the tiny apartment, "RICKY!"
"Wat? Wat is it, Mommy?" Now on his tiptoes, his voice got higher.
Rushing back into the living room, baby in tow, his brow rose, waiting for the result of her shrieking, "Well...?"
Moving the letter down so he could see her face, a huge smile spanned her cheeks, proudly proclaiming, "I got in!"
Ricky's smile matched hers, genuinely elated with joy, "See I told you you would!"
Letting the paper drop to the floor, Amy bounced on the balls of her feet and sprang into him, "Eeee, I'm so excited!" Wrapping her arms around his neck tightly, "Thank you so much for being there for me."
With one hand, he held her tightly, placing a kiss on her temple sweetly, "Nowhere else I'd rather be. This was all you, Ames. You did this. I'm so proud of you." Pulling back as their daughter whined in his other arm, she pecked his cheek with her lips, before doing the same to her. He smiled, letting out a little chuckle at his wife's attempts to get their baby to laugh at the silly faces she was making. "Why don't you call your dad and see if he's up for babysitting tonight? I want to take you out to celebrate." Putting her attention back on him, her eyes softened and she threaded her fingers through his, nodding with a childlike giddiness. He chuckled again, raising his arm to spin her around before bringing her back to his chest, and smirking through a husky whisper, "... And then tonight, I'll give you a proper congratulations..."
Her footing was quick, wanting to get to wherever she was being led to, as quickly as possible. Ignoring the peering eyes of strangers as she let herself get swept up in the memory to ease the pain starting to ache in her chest. So oblivious to those around her, she didn't see the figure standing 15 feet away before colliding into them.
"Sorry -" She quickly apologized, straightening herself out and making sure her collision didn't harm the infant pressed into her hip.
The figure turned, his voice slightly harsh, "Hey watch where -" before his mouth went agape at who stood before him. Her eyes lifted too, unprepared to see who the voice belonged to. His frown quickly turned into a smile, unaware that it affected her because the mere sight of him made her go numb. "Thought I might run into you... I heard you came back. Hi, Emma." There was a giddiness to his voice, reaching out to touch her small arm with his fingers. Emma didn't seem to mind, but she did.
"No!" Was all Amy could say, repeatedly shaking her head and taking a step back.
Ben sighed, reaching out again but this time to touch her shoulder, "Amy, please let me -"
She recoiled instantly, shoving his hand away, "NO! Don't touch me!" Her eyes were beginning to well up with tears, seeing those eyes that she once remembered were gentle and kind, now being replaced with the image of darkness from that night. She swallowed hard, continuing to shake her head, "Not after what you did..." before turning and walking away as fast as she could.
Grasping the baby tightly, she felt the wave of vomit rise in her throat and bolted into the nearest bathroom she could find, putting her on the floor as she emptied the contents of her stomach.
The mascara ran down her cheeks, leaving a streak on the salmon-pink pillowcase under her. Adam had stormed out about an hour ago, and she'd been crying ever since.
She could hear her roommate on the other side of the door, being rammed into it by whoever she was with before it opened and Emery's eyes stared at her angrily, "What the hell are you doing here? I told you I needed the room tonight!" Em shouted, annoyed and angry that her roommate was screwing up her night yet again. She didn't say anything, just stared back as she rolled her eyes "My roommate," and replied to whoever was behind the door.
That voice. Amy knew that voice. The lilt of charm, with a hint of hesitancy. Pausing her cry-fest, she rose from the pillow, her brow furrowed as she peaked around the corner to confirm her suspicion - sure enough there stood Ben Boykewich. Her mouth went dry, "...Ben?"
Having heard his name, and the familiar tone of her voice, Ben too peered around the corner, "...Amy?"
Her eyes stayed on him, blocking out everything else, including her roommate's irritated and fuming as she simply pointed to Ben with pursed lips, and stated "Ex-boyfriend" The sight of him, was weird enough, but when he entered the room, a strange wave of emotions came over her: happiness, closure, relief? Was simply seeing him, and hearing his voice her mind's way of providing her comfort for all the events of the past couple of weeks? Knowing that Ben represented a fragment of her old life in California? Is that why she felt calm around him?
The door slam drew her out of her thoughts, chuckling under her breath as she wiped away the tears from her cheeks, "Lovely, isn't she? I never pegged you for her type -"
There was a confidence about him she hadn't seen before, turning on the heel of his loafer, and shoving his hands into the front pockets of his dark-washed jeans, shrugging with a playfulness, "Fun distraction." When he said it, he caught her gaze, and his lowered to her lips as he reached out to touch her hand, "What's wrong?"
On instinct, she recoiled against the gesture, having been used to it for the past few years when it came to Ben. They had split because he was too pushy with physical touch and wanting to have sex, so any brush of his fingertips against her skin, made her grimace because she remembered their past. His eyes stayed low, his Adam's apple shifting as he swallowed roughly. A tear found its way down her cheek, sniffling to sound convincing, "Nothing..."
He let out a little chuckle at her lie, seeing right through it, "You seem to forget I can tell when you're lying... what's up? What did Ricky do now?"
Ricky... that name made her want to throw something. Her fists balled at her sides, trying to keep her temper at bay, "My mom found us a great apartment in the city -"
"That's great, isn't it? Now you'll have a place for Emma and John to stay when they come visit." His smile waned a little at the frown on her face.
She shook her head, "Yeah... it should be. It should be the best thing, but it's not..." starting to cry again while gripping the roots of her brown hair with both hands - fighting against pulling it out entirely. "He did it... Ricky filed for full custody of Emma and John..." Saying the words aloud made the pain in her chest radiate, and the fire in her blood burn. Utter betrayal and devastation coursed through every fiber of her body at the man she gave everything to, ripping the rug from under her and taking a match to it. Her face hurt from the contortions of sadness and pain, her left dimple popping out from her cheek as she brokenly sobbed, "How could he do this to me?" Before she could protest, his arms wrapped around her shaking body, and without much thought, she reciprocated; allowing herself to take the opportunity for peace for even a second.
His grip got tighter, running his hand up and down her back, and laying his cheek on the crown of her head as he whispered sweetly, "It's going to be okay, Amy... Amy Juergens, when have things never went your way?" There was that little chuckle under his breath again.
Maybe it was her disheveled mind playing tricks on her that found the hug comforting, or maybe she was so distraught about Ricky, that any semblance of her old life in California - or even her old life before Ricky - made her crave wanting to be close to it - close to him.
Grasping the porcelain, she expelled another round of vomit; tiny fragments of that night piecing themselves together in hazy threads with each heave of air.
Sniffling, she took a shaky breath and opened her eyes, panic-stricken at the absence of the baby once by her feet inside the tiny stall.
"Ahhhpadabaaaa!" Emma hollered, pausing her crawling fest at seeing a discarded Doritos snack bag on the floor. She was just about to grab it and put it in her mouth when she was scooped up and whisked away, causing her to whine.
"That's yucky!" Amy softly scolded, grimacing when she placed her on the sink to wash her hands, thankful that there were baby wipes on top of the paper towel dispenser across the room as she started to wipe her down thoroughly, fighting her whiny combative hands. Tossing the five baby wipes she used in the trash, she put her back on her hip and handed her an empty lipstick tube sticking out of her purse: not expecting that when she pulled the tube out, an unused tampon would drop to her feet. Seeing it, her breath hitched - had she used one since...
Shaking her head again, "No, no, no, no..." Amy moved Emma from her left hip to her right, and rooted for her phone, pulling it out and quickly scrolling through as she counted aloud, "Six... Seven... Eight... Nine..." Pausing, she gulped hard, and bit her lip, "Shit!" She hung her head and shook it while the infant loudly squealed in her ear.
Thumbing through the book in his hands, he checked his watch, sighing in annoyance at them still not being back from their walk.
The footsteps crept up behind him, a giddy lilt in her voice as she placed her hands over his eyes from behind his back, "Guess who?" He sighed again, not wanting to play her game. Her smile began to turn down slightly, pulling her hands away, "Seriously?"
Turning on his heel, he glanced at her, opening his mouth to speak but instead pursing his lips, "Sorry, I thought - never mind."
Clementine's cheeks rose, and she put her hands on his shoulders, "Hey, I'm sorry about last weekend. You're right, it's too early for me to try to get you to say something you're not ready for. I'm sorry." Leaning in and pressing her lips to his.
"What are you doing?" Ricky pulled away, his brow furrowed
She kept her hand on his cheek, "Can I not kiss you?"
Removing it, he shook his head, eyes scanning the room, "This is a public place, Clementine..."
"So?" She giggled lightly, taking his hand. He recoiled, shaking it off, making her frown at the reason as she stepped closer to them, "Oh, now I get it!"
"Nice to see you too -" Amy quipped, rolling her eyes at her clingy desire for his affection. Part of her wanted to laugh at how desperate she was, and the other part wanted to rip her hands off for putting them on his body. They exchanged looks, her eyes silently cursing her out. Their daughter's lunge to see her dad, caused Amy to put her focus back on Ricky. Her knees were shaking, trying to keep her composure and swallow back the bile rising in her throat. "Hey... I think I'm just gonna go home, I'm not feeling too good..."
He could hear the crack in her voice, concerning him, "What's wrong?"
Shaking her head nonchalantly, she shifted the baby higher on her hip, "It's not a big deal, just probably something I ate, or delayed jet lag - I'll be fine once I go home and lie down for a bit."
Nodding, Ricky took Emma into his arms, brushing Amy's shoulder during the handoff, "Want me to drive you? You're looking a little pale."
Hugging her arms to her chest, she inhaled slowly, hoping he wouldn't press the issue any further because she didn't know how much longer she'd be able to not break. "No, I'll be fine. Just uh - just tell John I'll see him later tonight?" He nodded. Forcing a small smile, she brushed her fingers against their daughter's small hand, kissing it when she extended her fingers to her lips, "Bye, peanut - I'll see you later, okay?" Giving a silent nod to him, she pushed some hair behind her ear and walked away.
"Back to her old habits, it seems." Clementine clicked her tongue, crossing her arms over her chest.
Ricky's eyes hardened, not in the mood for her possessiveness, and genuinely concerned about Amy. What happened on her walk? And why did she look like she'd seen a ghost? "Not in front of my kid, alright?"
She scoffed, "You can't be serious?"
"Yeah, I am. Leave Amy alone, especially around Emma. She's the mother of my children, Clementine - like it or not. Respect her." He snapped back, accepting Emma's loud whine into his ear as the sign for them to get out of the bookstore, and away from another unwanted conversation, "We have to go."
"This is a nice place -" He observed, taking in the bright array of colors on the walls of the facility, before being smacked in the jaw with the lipstick tube she was still grasping tightly in her small palm while throwing her head back and starting in on a tantrum.
It wasn't a very big place - the campus daycare - but it was nice, and he was appreciative of it. With Amy being back in town, he didn't know if she'd go back to the church nursery - or if they'd even take her back - so trying to figure out the daycare situation for Emma was starting to weigh heavy on him. He started classes again in a few days, and trying to find adequate childcare was proving to be difficult. Kathleen offered to keep Emma for him, but she'd already done so much for them, he couldn't ask that of her: to give up her days to care for his baby. He and Amy's baby.
Amy... could Amy potentially keep Emma with her while he worked and went to school? Was she even capable of doing so? No. No, it was too soon for him to just allow her to jump right back into their lives; erring on the side of caution was the plan.
The woman to his right chuckled, making the glasses on her nose slip further down, "Someone else begs to differ."
Slightly embarrassed about his child causing a scene, Ricky chuckled too, nervously, "Emma's just tired - lots of missed naps these days. I'm hoping this will kind of lull her into a better routine, and then maybe she'll be pleasant. I'm kidding - kinda." The green-eyed baby gave him a look before flopping her head on his shoulder, signaling she needed a nap.
The nice woman, whose name tag read Alyson, pursed her lips and rubbed Emma's back affectionately, "She's just clingy, it'll fade over time." She smiled at them, reaching for the clipboard attached to the wall, and fiddling with a decorative pen as she obliviously asked, "So... will Emma's mother also be introducing herself, or...?"
Taken aback by Alyson's question, his brow rose slightly, unknowing how to explain their situation to this stranger. In his mind, Amy would be involved with the process - she is Emma's mother after all - but there was also that nagging feeling that as much as he didn't want to admit it, Clementine's words echoed, and placed doubt given how Amy had left the bookstore - that maybe she was reverting back to bad habits. Taking a breath, Ricky simply replied, "I uh - I don't know. She's got a lot going on." That seemed to suffice, as Alyson nodded, handing him the clipboard and the pen.
B-Ben!" Was the last thing she remembered saying before static filled her ears and everything went black. The next time she came to, he was on top of her, moaning and panting; his image obscured by black specks and blur.
She was conscious, but couldn't move. She was aware, but couldn't speak. The back of her head felt like someone had taken a blade to it, and her limbs were uselessly frozen on the bed. If her eyes were moving, she couldn't tell: numb to everything - even him pumping in and out of her - which she was thankful for. Never in her life would she have imagined this happening to her. It only happened in TV and movies - not to girls at this college... not to her.
But it was happening, and she was present for it... until she wasn't and slipped back into unconsciousness; back to oblivious darkness.
The sobs escaped her burning throat, desperately clinging to the pillow she had bunched against her stomach on the bottom bunk inside the guest house; what little makeup she had on, ran down her pale cheeks as her mind tortured her. How could she have been so stupid to let Ben in that night? Was she so desperate for someone to be on her side, that she had to resort to that? Did she prompt it? Somehow made herself initiate it, giving Ben the wrong idea, and he just went with it? Or did he... No, of course, he didn't do it on purpose. Not Ben.
More hazy snippets scrolled through her fragile mind, making her question his actions even further.
From what she could remember, his dark eyes were clouded, slurring her name lazily through a grunt as he rocked further into her. If she moaned to encourage him, she'd never know because all she could hear was a buzzing, static; everything so distorted she couldn't even make out the sound of his voice, just saw his lips move, and beads of sweat gather at his forehead before everything went black again and he was gone.
She sobbed harder, swallowing back the bile rising in her throat as she shook against the mattress. The bile from potentially being pregnant again. The bile from it potentially being Ben's child if she was. That alone made the vomit come harder, dispelling from her mouth quickly and onto the floor.
Four intense heaves later, Amy wiped her lips with the back of her hand and rolled over onto her back, balling her fists, and squeezing her eyes shut in hopes to just disappear. Never in a million years would she have imagined herself like this. Lying on the bed of her dad's now-wife Kathleen Bowman's guesthouse, her two young children living with the man she loved, and her being limited in being with them, and now this - another pregnancy before she was even 20. Another baby. Another life for her to ruin.
The wave of vomit came again, stronger and demanding to be expelled. Part of her wished it would just have its way and asphyxiate her; choke her to where she wouldn't be there anymore, but the other part - the rational part - knew how wrong it was, and how devastated everyone would be. She couldn't do that to John and Emma, not after everything she'd already done to them. And she couldn't put Ricky through that kind of pain, not when she was already harboring a secret that would inevitably crush him.
Ricky...
The tears ran in hot streaks down Amy's cheeks, thinking about the look in his eyes if he ever found out what she had done. If she was pregnant with Ben's child, he'd never be able to look at her; never be able to forgive her. He would spend his days stewing on if she left him for Ben on purpose. He'd never believe she had no control of it; that she was pinned down and this was forced upon her. They'd never be able to rebuild their family if she was raising Ben's child with Ricky's children. It would be damage beyond repair.
Her lips began to tremble, squeezing her eyes shut tighter as her hand touched her stomach, her breath hitching at the one idea in her head that she never thought she'd consider - abortion.
The word felt foreign and refused to roll off her tongue when she opened her mouth to try and utter it aloud. Only one other time did she ever consider it - after Ricky showed no interest in wanting their child, and she was a scared 15-year-old girl who was confused, and angry, and just wanted it all to go away; to go back to normal and pretend that she hadn't had sex, and she hadn't gotten pregnant. But almost immediately after she sat down in the exam room, she chickened out after seeing the ultrasound of her baby; his little heart was beating rapidly, almost like saying to her "Hey, Mommy, I see you and I love you!" Who knew that's what she needed?
Now that little rapid heartbeat was a little person with a toothy grin, shaggy blonde hair, and dimples that matched Ricky's. John was smart loving, and happy; the small circle on a screen brought to life. Amy's life. He had her eyes, and her blood coursing through every vessel in his body; the body she carried for 8 and a half months and birthed in a painful 36-hour string of contractions and pushing all to hear that loud, joyous, cry.
Her stomach started to churn at the thought of discarding the potential life inside her. But deep down in her heart, she knew she'd never be able to carry Ben's child. Not just because it might literally kill her to do so, but also because every time she'd look at it, she'd be reminded of how it came to be; of what Ben did to her, and that, that was worse than dying: knowing every time that child looked at her, she'd be staring into the eyes and face of the man who took advantage of her, and used her.
How could she love a child brought on by that? How would she explain to John and Emma that their sibling wasn't their father's? She remembered feeling ashamed when her mother told her she didn't know who Robbie's father was - like her mother had betrayed her and their family by moving on from her dad, even though her dad had moved on long before her mother did. It still felt like a betrayal bringing David into the fold of their already messed up lives, thinking he was Robbie's father, all the while knowing her dad was. She couldn't put her children through that, especially not at their young ages. She was older and had more understanding, but they'll never understand; just see a new child with their mommy and not with their daddy. No, it couldn't happen.
Inhaling shakily, Amy pressed her fingers into her eye sockets. When she did, a faint image of Ricky's face appeared behind her eyelids: like a dream demanding to be continued. The harder she pressed, the clearer it became.
His hands were running up and down her outer thighs, eagerness taking over with the low moan that passed his lips. The buttons on his shirt were fumbling between her fingers the faster she tried to rip it off of him; cheeks flushing at the prickle from the hair trailing down his chiseled abdomen. He was still just as hot as the day she left. And the way his Adam's apple moved with the low groan into her mouth between rough kisses, only made her wetter for him.
Things were progressing quickly, Ricky growing harder by the second, and her hand resting on his belt buckle before just yanking it and practically ripping his pants down to his ankles. The action elicited a relieved hiss-like breath as he struggled to keep his mouth on hers. She knew he needed more... and so did she, which is why within seconds her dress was over her head and tossed aside. She watched with a small smirk, at the way his eyes ravaged her black lace-clad body with lust: his fingertips grasping firmer on her hips to increase the friction.
"Wait..." He stilled, his hand was in the center of her bra, but his eyes were shifted down. She cocked her head in confusion at his pause, noting the way his fingertips started to loosen just a fraction as the rain pelted the roof above them and his voice got lower, "Are you sure? This could... complicate things..."
Taking a second to ponder his question, the thought raced in the back of her mind. He was right, this would inevitably make things more complicated. The second they started, it would only become murkier; the questions, the feelings, the inner yearning... all of it would follow them the second they exited the car.
It would be so much easier to agree with him; roll off his lap, and admit they got swept up in old feelings... but it would be a lie. He wanted her, and as much as she tried to fight it, she craved intimacy with him so much it was making her stomach tighten: His voice that whispered seductively into her ear, his fingers that glided effortlessly across her skin and sent goosebumps all down her arms and legs, the way his tongue lapped against hers with fevour, and the gentle glide of his body slipping into hers. All of it. All of him.
"I doubt anything could get more complicated..." Amy lied aloud, swallowing back the desire to moan at his erection rubbing against the thin lace of her panties.
Judgment be damned, tomorrow they could worry about the fallout.
Tomorrow they could face the reality of what they did.
Tonight... well tonight they were going to be with each other again.
His eyes were still down with his fingertips pressed tighter into the flesh of her thighs, taking slow little swallows as she shifted her hips and rolled the black lace down her body - exposing her wetness to his hardness - before using her nails to caress the stumble of his five-o-clock shadow, seductively, voice thick with a giggle and a slurred, "... I need you, Ricky..."
Before she could even get another breath out, he nodded vigorously and connected his lips to hers, wasting no time pushing his tongue through with need. She tugged his curls a little harder than she intended, jolting his eyes open as she pushed her hands against his chest when he moved the seat further back and helped grasp her hips. Aiding in the lift onto him, they both shared a relieved moan into their kiss; desire intensifying.
The feel felt a little different; fuller... she felt him so much deeper in this way. Pausing all movement as she took a minute to adjust, her eyes lowered to his, seeing the speckle of brown darken against the dim blue casting its shadow.
With a slow breath, and an even slower glide, she moved her hips into small circles, reveling in the way his eyes drank in her body, his breath quickened, and his hands melted into her skin - caressing her back with their strong grip as her movements increased on top of him.
Breaking away from his mouth for a breath of air, she grabbed at his disheveled curls, grinding harder and flexing her back further against the dash, taking him even deeper.
"A-Amy..." Ricky hissed through his teeth, grabbing hold of her backside and pushing himself even deeper, meeting her thrust for thrust.
Every part of her was on fire; her lungs burning for air as she took rushed gulps between bouts of his name; her skin sweltering in sweat that his tongue was electrifying with each swipe against her neck; even her fingers struggled to hold onto his bicep as tiny explosions were igniting inside her body.
Throwing her head back, Amy knew he'd gone as deep as he could go, and she couldn't hold on much longer. "Uhn!" Eyes widening, she folded her arms tight around his neck, letting him take control as he shifted her weight just a fraction, "Ric - ohhh - mmm," and began to give it his all, thrusting faster and hitting the spot that had her screwing her eyes shut and clamping her nails into the flesh of his neck as her lungs craved air and she withered against him.
Choking on the tears rolling down her cheeks, the ache in her chest intensified to a new level, leaving her clutching her heart and gasping for air.
"Just...kiss me..." she begged through a pleading whisper, inching closer and closer until her mouth was hovering over his; the dominance overruled the cautious breaths from his mouth, and he kissed her back.
His lips: the poison she needed to drown in; their soft texture smacking into hers, igniting their deadly, steady drips, before they traveled to her bloodstream and took over.
Moments later his hands were ripping off her dress, and hers his dress shirt, before she pushed him onto the couch cushions and climbed atop his lap to straddle him. He kissed her a little rougher than he intended and shifted their positions to where she was lying on her back across the sofa, and he was hovering over her, nursing her neck and chest with his lips as he shimmied out of his tight black suit pants, and hooked his fingers around the sides of her pale pink underwear.
Putting her hand on his bicep, she inhaled quickly, pausing him as it dawned on her that they were about to have sex, on the couch, completely exposed if John were to walk in. The thought alone made her eyes widen and cringe. His brow furrowed in confusion at her facial expression, but just as quickly changed when her eyes cut directly to the ajar door their children slept just a few feet behind.
With a small chuckle, he got up and helped her stand, wasting no time in throwing the cushions off, pulling the bed out, and tossing the red comforter atop it.
She giggled at his enthusiasm, lying against the same checked white and blue sheets. He was a creature of habit even down to the smallest things.
"You sure?" Ricky asked quietly after turning off the lamp and encasing them in darkness.
Amy bit her lip, fixating her eyes on his, and with a nod of her head, she grabbed his face and pulled it towards hers, "I'm sure... I just want you, Ricky..."
Once those words left her lips, it was sealed. He kissed her with so much passion that it wasn't even five minutes before she was lying on her back, grasping onto Ricky's shoulders, lapping her tongue against his as he thrust deeper into her; the sweat building on his forehead while the gentle moans vibrated in his throat.
When her hands moved to his neck, she plunged her fingers deep into his hair, ravaging his scalp with her nails as he caught her lip between his teeth and drug it down. Her back was arching, his thrusts slow in stride to savor. "D-ee-epper..." She gasped, gulping in the air between rough kisses.
As he faded from her thoughts, another one came to mind - Ricky hadn't used protection in the car that night, or to her memory, at the apartment either. At least she didn't remember him doing so. So, there was still a very small chance that, if she was pregnant again, it could be his. A very small chance, but a chance nonetheless.
"Can I call someone for you, dear?" Her voice was gentle, along with the hand she had placed on her shoulder.
Shaking her head slowly, and silently, Amy's eyes fixated on the floor - gluing themselves to the one broken tile splintered with cracks across the room. She could hear the voices, and feel the touches, but nothing was registering. Everything felt weightless and sounded muffled. Except her heart that was so heavy she feared - and secretly hoped - that it would explode; take her out of this cloud of darkness, and into a bright, blue sky.
"Does the father know?" The voice echoed again, this time asking the question she hadn't even asked.
The father... Ricky...
With a quick gulp of air, fingers trembling, she looked at the vacancy of the rings on her hands. A nurse had taken them when she arrived and locked them away with the rest of her things until she was discharged. The same spell she'd become used to. Only this time it wasn't happy news. There was no silver lining in this. No decisions had to be made, no fights to be had, and no words to be said. Not that she could come up with any anyway, because every time she tried to speak, the words trapped themselves behind a broken and hiccupping sob.
Touching the spot where her wedding band made a small indention into her finger, the image of him standing behind the window as she loaded up the cab, came to mind; his sad and angry eyes haunted her with each breath she drew.
"H-h-he's n-not in-involved..." Amy finally spoke through a lie rolling off her tongue, hoping it would be enough for people to leave her alone.
With a sad nod, the nurse patted her shoulder again, and handed her a box of tissues, "Well if you think of someone to call, just let me know. You shouldn't have to go through this alone..."
If that nice woman only knew that the reason she was 'going through this alone' was because she chose it to be this way, her tone and the pity in her eyes would change. She wouldn't feel sorry for the poor teenage mother who left her family behind in California, while she chased her dreams in New York. Nobody would.
Which was why she wasn't going to tell anyone about what had happened. Not even Ricky. Even though their relationship was inevitably going to crash into the rocks and plummet, and he was going to probably hate her until he died... she couldn't allow him to feel like this. She couldn't allow him to know, and for his heart to be ripped from his chest like hers was.
This was her punishment. Her weight to bear. Not his. He had enough to tend with with taking care of John and Emma, and doing what she couldn't - being a parent. If she told him about this... it would destroy him, and destroy any chance of their children having a stable, peaceful, life.
With a hard sniffle, she pressed her hands to her face, swiping off the mess of tears and clumped makeup from her cheeks as she rose - now knowing what she had to do.
With a grimace, she got off the mattress and tiptoed around the puddle of her vomit on the floor, and into the kitchen to gather the proper supplies. All the while devising a plan: she had to get ahead of this - tell Ricky she's late at least - and then go from there. Maybe he'd understand if she told him the truth. Maybe he wouldn't care if she was pregnant with someone else's child, as long as she chose to be with him, they'd be able to figure it out. A frown came to her lips, saddened by her own wishful thinking. Because the reality was that even if Ricky understood the truth - would he believe it? And if he did, would he actually be okay with her bearing another man's baby? The short answer to both of those questions was, no. Even if Ricky believed her, even if he accepted it, there would always be an invisible elephant in the room knowing she slept with Ben, and that the child that didn't resemble him, wasn't his. And it would inevitably drive a larger wedge between them forever.
"Daddy, a-re you jus go-in c-awll mommy?" He asked from his spot on the floor, ramming a Tonka truck into the leg of the coffee table before shouting his demand, "C-awll mommy, daddy!"
Hanging up the phone pressed against his ear, Ricky shook his head sternly, "John, I'm not calling mommy. I told you she isn't feeling good. Mommy will call us later when she feels better, okay?"
Throwing the truck across the floor, John huffed through whines, "Noooo, I wa-na ta-lk mommy, now!" Riling his sister, who was trying her best to peek over the playpen, up as she released a whiny shriek. Before he could combat their combined tantrums, the door opened and she stepped through slowly.
John's head snapped up, eyes widening, and quickly got to his feet, "M-momm-yy!"
Emma continued to shriek in high-pitched spurts, reaching a hand towards her. Plucking her out, Ricky gave her a toy, keeping his gaze on his ex, and noting how she refused to look at him. "You alright?" He inquired softly, not wanting to draw attention and prompt an onslaught of 20 questions from their sniffly toddler clutching onto her leg for dear life.
Amy gulped silently, turning her head slightly to meet his eyes, hoping he didn't suspect anything, "Yeah, I just needed to lie down for a bit. Is he okay?"
Ricky nodded, "He wanted to call you." Walking over to where they stood by the door, reaching out to tussle his son's hair, "I told you, buddy, mommy would come when she felt better, you got yourself all upset for nothing." The boy sniffled, wiping his eyes and face against the denim of her jeans, earning a chuckle from both of them.
Their eyes met again, a tiny spark igniting in the space between them. Ricky opened his mouth to speak before Emma slammed her small hand to his lips, shushing him. They both giggled at their youngster's antics, the uncomfortable, awkward tension slowly starting to dissipate.
Putting their rowdy daughter on the blanket splayed out on the floor, he motioned for John to join her before looking at Amy again, "You mind watching them for a bit? Bunny got like 6 deliveries today and Ethan has court in an hour - but if you can't -"
She cut him off, "No, go. I got it."
His brow rose, "You sure? I should be back in an hour or two?"
She nodded, stepping past him to take a seat on the blanket. John got into her lap, crossing his arms around her neck. "I got it. Besides, I'm sure John has a lot to tell me about his first day, huh?" He nodded vigorously, yawning against her cheek.
Nodding, Ricky gave her a lame thumbs up as he turned to head downstairs, "Alright, I'll be back."
"So the yellow one turns into one too?" She questioned, holding out one of his many truck-robot-contraption-type toys.
Taking it, and holding it up to admire it, he nodded and pointed excitedly, "Uh huh, he is jus b-umbwll-bee, and he - he is Owtimwiss Pwime!"
Amy giggled at his enthusiasm, turning her attention to the child on her other side, busy gnawing hard on the plastic spoon clenched in her palm, "What about you, huh? Who do you have?"
A brow raised at her question, John cocked his head in confusion, "Th-at not a wrowbot, mommy! It jus a sp-ooon!" She pursed her lips with a look he knew all too well - her 'John, come on' look.
The door opened slowly, eliciting a loud squeal from the baby throwing the spoon across the blanket, and pumping her legs. Joining them on the blanket, Ricky scooped her up and over his shoulder, balancing her upside down in his hands.
Amy knew he knew what he was doing, and that he'd never let her get hurt, but it still made her nervous. Emma was still so small for her age, and fragile, that she feared the slightest wrong fragment of a second, could spell disaster. Emma obviously didn't share in the same sentiment though, cackling and squealing with delight at each toss or blow of her tummy. It was cute how Ricky and Emma flowed so easily together - their temperaments were almost identical, which would either be really great or really infuriating as she got older.
Amy must have let her stare linger on them too long, because before she could ask about how it went downstairs, Ricky put the baby back on her bottom and was balancing on his knee to stand. "I should probably get dinner going - you staying?" He asked, pulling down the hem of his navy-fitted t-shirt. His eyes were locked directly on her like he could tell she was hiding something. With a quick swallow, she swiped the hair from her shoulders, and avoided his gaze, answering through a rough stutter, "Oh - I - I don't... I don't want to impose -"
His brow rose slightly, but he didn't push any further, knowing it wasn't a good idea and to leave the situation he assumed he knew something about, alone. He watched as she avoided looking at him, and just tipped his lip up, "You're not imposing, Amy. You know you're welcome here. That's never going to change regardless if we're together or not..." He thought maybe that would change her demeanor, but it only made her more distant and a little jumpy.
"Pwee-se mommy! I want you jus sit by me!" John grinned, grabbing her right hand and tugging her towards the kitchen.
Amy didn't protest with him, but was still cautious, patting the top of his head, "I don't - I don't know... I'm not very hungry..." Finally looking up, she saw the concern in Ricky's eyes, and it sent her over the edge. "Excuse me a sec -" She had to get out of there, and away from him before he caught onto her secret.
Confused, John watched her sprint away into his bedroom, his mouth slightly agape in curiosity, "What wong wit mommy, daddy?"
Following his son's stare, he pursed his lips and tapped a finger on them, "That's what I'm about to find out..."
The door was ajar, enough for little fingers to get through, and just wide enough to sneak a peak without being caught. Whatever light was in the room, being hidden by her shadow endlessly pacing back and forth, running her hands over that raggedy teddy bear their son loved so much, while little hiccupping sobs escaped her lips - which he heard behind the aged wood.
"Don't do that Amy... don't cry... I don't want to hurt you. But more importantly, I don't want to hurt my relationship with my son over a lifetime, by not doing what I should be doing." He admitted honestly, fighting back the wave of emotion threatening to wash over him at seeing the tears running down her cheeks. He hated hurting her, but this was something he couldn't hold back anymore. John was his son too, and it was time she understood that; understood that the title of John's father carried some weight in both decision-making and shared time with him. No longer would he be subjecting himself, or their son, to just her whims and her demands. So if the tears running down her face - as her cheeks drew up, and the dimple in her cheek popped out - slowly killed him with each wobble of her lip... so be it. It had to happen. But he had to leave that house before she crumbled, and he questioned his decision. "Goodnight."
Amy waited until he left the room, to break. Ricky's footing paused as he leaned against the doorframe of their son's closed door, hearing the broken sobs wrenching their way out of her no doubt shaking body. A few silent tears rolled down his cheeks, fighting the urge to rush back in there, take her in his embrace, and brush the tears away from her eyes. But it couldn't happen. No caving, not this time. He cared about Amy, he really did, but he loved John. And the love he had for John, and for being that little brown-eyed baby's father... it trumped how much he cared about Amy. A part of him would always care for her, hell, a part of him loved that girl, but the other part - the rational part - knew she'd never see him in the same way ever again. She would always view him as just the slimeball that hooked up with her at Bandcamp and got her pregnant. It didn't matter how attentive he'd been to their son, and to her at times, or how much hell he'd walk through for her... it would never be enough. This was why this decision came so easily - if Amy would never care about him, then he knew John would. John would love him, and he would love John.
In his stupor of self-reflection, he'd found himself inside the room, staring down at his sleeping boy with admiration. His lip twitched up at the sight of John's little fingers flexing, and his lips slightly puckered as light snores escaped his small frame. Amy slept the same way - her lips always pursed inward when she was in a deep sleep - he'd seen it on the rare occasions when he was lucky enough to catch a glimpse of her at peace, but she never knew that. She would never know that sometimes he would stand in the doorframe, still as a statue, and just watch her sleep. It helped ease the guilt he felt from seeing her that night, on that couch; her eyes screwed shut as the tears ran silently down her red cheeks after they'd had sex. After he rolled off of her, and she refused to usher a word, nor a squeak.
That night, the last thing he saw was her sad face, and it haunted him every time he saw a tear escape her eyes.
Putting his hand into the crib, Ricky stroked his baby's fingers gently, the ache in his chest tightening and giving way to caving in as the tears rolled down his cheeks.
"I'm so sorry for leaving you, little guy." He sobbed, "I never meant to hurt you... Daddy would never hurt you, John... ever." Sniffle. "I just needed to clear my head." Another sniffle, "But I promise, I'm done running. I'm done running from life... from you... I'm going to be a better man, buddy. A man you can look up to, and be proud of. Because you deserve that." Swiping at his left cheek, he choked, "After everything your mom and I have done, and put you through... we just want what's best for you. You're the only thing that matters to us." Squeezing his eyes shut, he leaned into the crib, placing a soft kiss on John's forehead, "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, John. I love you so much."
A soft sniffle startled him, quickly releasing his grip from the crib to investigate - even though he already knew who stood on the other side of the room.
Her eyes were still red and puffy; swollen from the tsunami of tears that escaped them. She knew how to dagger him as she looked directly at him, and swallowed a rough breath, desperately wanting to tie into him with wrath she'd been holding back for quite some time.
Glancing at the sleeping baby one more time, Ricky blew out a long breath and swiped the remaining tears from his cheeks. Not giving in to her silent pleading to say something to her that would justify her rage, he simply left the room, and she broke down into her hands with each footstep he'd made down the hallway.
A small thud brought his attention back from the memory, wasting no time in opening the door to find the source of the noise. She was bent down, picking up a few shards of plastic from the carpet, sniffling against the back of her open hand.
"You okay?" He asked, taking a spot beside her and grabbing the one shard of blue still left from the mess. A drip fell against his hand - a tear that had unbeknownst to him fallen from his eye. Standing, she didn't say anything, just kept her gaze on the pieces in her hand, her lip wobbling. Reaching for her hand, he rose to stand, his voice soft, "We know each other well enough to know when things aren't okay. And you're not okay. This isn't just a headache or jet lag... what's going on?" Her chin started to shake as her lips parted and a broken squeak escaped her throat. Now he knew something was wrong.
Rushing to her side, Ricky let her collapse into his chest, shushing her cries with a gentle slide of his hand across her back and tightening on her shoulder. "Hey - whatever it is... We can get through it -"
Amy squeezed her eyes shut, grasping onto his shirt for dear life as she uttered the dreaded words aloud, "... Ricky... I'm late..."
At that moment, she felt his hands freeze, and his chest stop moving.
"W-w-what?"
"I-I'm s-s-sorryyy!"
He gulped back the panic, having her crumble in his arms was hard enough. He had to keep a level head about this information, and it started with important questions, "How - how many -"
Before he could finish, she swallowed, "... nine..."
A little gasp escaped his throat because nine days wasn't much to go off of. It was barely a week, which meant the odds of her actually being pregnant were very small. Or at least the odds of her being pregnant with his child were. "Have you taken a test?"
Shaking her head, she sniffled, "Not yet. I - I'm afraid of what it'll say..." Letting go of his shirt and turning her back to him, "How could this be happening again?"
Taking some time to process everything, he stayed silent, on the verge of biting his nails as they drummed against his lips. After about a minute, he glanced down at his hands and hesitantly muttered the question plaguing his thoughts, "Is it - is it mine?"
"What do you think!" She roughly replied, clenching her fists at her sides as she fought the urge to throw one of John's stuffed animals at the wall. She was so angry at herself, that she wasn't thinking clearly. His question was valid, and he had every right to think that that potential child, wasn't his. She knew it, but it still made her angry that he would even ask.
Putting his hands up in surrender, Ricky's tone got even lower, shame in his voice for even bringing up the question, "I didn't mean to upset you... but the last time we went through this, you were way later than nine days... and with you having - had - a boyfriend in New York, I -"
Amy's eyes widened at his assumption, hurt that he thought so little of her morals, "You what? You think it's not yours? You think I just hopped into bed with someone I hardly knew?" Scoffing at his shrug, "I wouldn't do that, I'm not you!" Immediately after the words left her lips, she regretted them, because the look on his face, stabbed her. "I - I didn't mean -" She tried to walk it back, grabbing at the air as he huffed slightly and stomped out of the room, "Ricky, I -"
Without a word, he shook his head and plucked the whiny baby out of the playpen, grabbed the diaper bag, and his keys, and slammed the door behind them.
Amy stood there, unknowing how to react. Ricky had every right to be angry, and to reject her plea of apology - but why did he always have to storm away? Why did he always have to give her that look of hatred when he was mad, and slam doors to get his point across? They were falling back into old habits yet again.
With pursed lips, he looked up from his spot on the floor, gazing at her sad face, as he rubbed a fist to his eye, "Why you sad, Mommy?"
Momentarily forgetting that he was there, she sniffled hard against her hand, and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, taking a seat on the sofa before answering, "Because mommy messed up everything... again"
Putting his toys down, John crawled over to her, headbutting into her legs before rising to stand. Moving both his hands up, he took both index fingers and poked her cheeks, moving them up to turn her frown into a smile, with a giggle, "N-ow you jus h-appy, mommy!"
The action was so cheesy and so adorable, she couldn't help but giggle as well. He really did know how to cheer her up. Taking his hands off her face, she brought them into hers and kissed them softly, "You silly boy... I love you, so much, you know that?" He nodded vigorously while sticking his tongue out, earning another giggle.
I'll just leave this here for now, and say... buckle up... I split this chapter up for a reason. ;)
